01x30 - Man VS. Sewer/The Mutant Menace

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪

♪ Rising up against evil paint the city green ♪

♪ Raph is ready for a fight Leo's making a scene ♪

♪ Mikey's got mad skills Donnie rocks machines ♪

♪ With each other they discover ♪

♪ Their destiny and rise ♪

♪ Cowabunga ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪

♪ Rise ♪

[squeaking]

- All alone.

Where are my brothers? They said they'd be here.

[groaning]

[jazzy music]

- Uh oh, Donnie forgot to text Raph we were running late.

- Oh, sweet, sweet Angelo,

how soon you forget that today, I am on vacation.

Hence, my board shorts: The international sign for

"I am not a useful member of society."

- We only left the guy alone for five minutes.

And we told him we had to find tubes.

- This is a job for Dr. Delicate Touch.

[clears throat]

Get your mind right, son!

- [yelps]

[rock music]

- [laughs]

- What took so long?

You know Raph gets weird when I'm left alone.

- Relax. Did you get a tube?

[dramatic music]

both: Whoa! - Where did you get that?

- Uh...

[metal creaks]

Borrowed it from Splinter?

- Splinter, who only owns robes and a shady past, let you--

- Tube time!

[laughs]

- Okay men, New York's sewers

are a dangerous and complex labyrinth--

- Full of creatures and games and rides?

This is going to be amazing! - What, no.

Where do you think we are? Just take every left turn

to stay on the lazy river,capisce?

- Whatever, Donnie. Mad Dogs, ahoy!

[dramatic music]

- Ain't this the life, boys?

A day off from Splinter's training

to kick back and bask in the luxury of--

- Dunk-a-roo!

[all yelp]

[gasping]

[coughing]

- [groans]

Can't you guys just do a sports pass

with your smelly ball or something?

- Who you calling smelly? Lace Face has been

part of this family longer than you.

Now, let's run the Midnight Special, boys

- Look alive, Leo!

- [laughs]

And trick passing.

[rock music]

- Sports!

- I got it, I got it! Oh, yeah!

[cheering]

- Yeah!

Uh-oh.

- Our football! Oh, and Raph!

[all groaning]

- Wrong way!

all: Raph, whee! Raph, whee!

- Guys! Don't leave me alone!

- We will find you, Raph!

[all yelling]

- Raph is all alone! Guys, we need to--

- Go down that slide again? - Yes, agreed.

Raph'll make it home eventually, I'm sure.

- No, Raph's our brother, and-- - Then why doesn't

he have Splinter's rugged good looks like we do?

[grunts]

[soft music]

- You know how savage Raph gets when he's alone.

He'll totally lose it if we don't find him fast.

Clock's ticking. - Fine.

But just so we're clear, today is my day off.

Respect the board shorts, bros. - Okay, cool.

Now, we need to go back up that tunnel to where we lost him.

- You guys got to try this.

[sharp inhale]

[loud clangs]

- [yells]

Tire and Lace Face,

we just need to pull ourselves up and--

[low beeping]

Tire, Lace Face! My emotional crutches!

[grunts]

Okay, Raph, you're a little lost,

a bit scared, and very alone.

[heavy breathing]

[exhales]

Time to panic!

I'm alone and panicking,

panicking, panicking, panicking!

Oof, glad I kept that part under control.

Whoopsie-daisy.

[metal creaking]

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys hear that?

- [yelling]

[all groaning]

- Ow, my brain! Ow, my other brain!

- Huh, guys? Is that you?

Where are you? Don't lose it, Raph.

[exhales]

Please.

- Hey Ben, look. It's that red guy.

- Oh, he's one of those turtle jerks

that we hate, you know, for reasons I can't remember.

Let's eat him! - [groans]

Do you know how much trouble turtle is to eat?

You got to crack the shell, you got to drain the goo,

you got to scoop out the eyeballs

so he can't see you eating them.

Plus, it's not even that much meat.

No thanks. Hard pass.

- Okay, what if I told you there's a shortcut?

I heard if you scare them,

they just pop right out of their shell.

- And they just what, like, jump into your belly?

- Yes! Well, uh, actually,

full disclosure, I don't know. But let's find out!

[both groaning]

[bright music]

[slurping]

- Uh, where did you get that?

- Today's vibes were supposed to be chill,

so I went ahead and filled

my Battle Shell with some refreshment.

- Just one, Donald? - And ice.

I'm not an animal.

- Then give us ice for our horribly mangled bodies.

[mechanical whirring]

- It melted.

[slurping]

Mmm, perfect.

- Guys, I think something horrible happened here!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Respect the shorts, please. It is my day off.

But if I was able to do some analysis,

I'd tell you that-- - Raph was here.

- Let's not jump to conclusions there, Leon.

[dramatic music]

- Maybe this Raph's seen our Raph.

- We'd better hurry.

- Alone, stay sharp. Must find my--

♪ ♪

[both laugh]

- Ah, sewer monsters!

- Yeah, we're sewer monsters!

- And we're going to pop you out of that shell

and eat you whole, from face to toenails!

- And you'll live in our monster bellies alone forever!

- Raph, forever alone?

[dramatic music]

[roars]

[both grunting]

- [heavy grunting]

Savage Raph hunt sewer monsters!

[both yell]

♪ ♪

- Make him stop!

I'm not as tough as I pretend to be!

- Someone could get really hurt on this.

Let's see how far it swings!

- Chill, I think I found something.

- Once again, I'd love to help bail us all out

with my undeniable and prodigious genius, but--

- It was Raph. Look.

- That's Donnie's tire. I mean, Raph's tube.

- Uh, right. Well, Leo,

since you sell the fewest action figures,

why don't you go ahead and jump first?

- Ignoring that. Raph's lost because

your bad pass ruined the Midnight Special.

- Leo, chill. We can't freak out.

Nobody freak out. Stop freaking out, Donnie!

[metal rattling]

[all yelling]

- Make a human shield around me!

[all grunting]

- Ew, gross!

- Guys, we found him! Look!

- Thousand percent, not Raph. Staking my life on it, shorts.

- Raph alone!

- It might be Raph, but who-- who's to say anymore?

- [grunts]

This stuff is really caked on.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Lemon? - Oh, it burns!

Oh, it's in my eye st*lks!

- Raph, we found you! You have no idea how--

are you barbecuing villains?

- [grunts]

More sewer monsters?

both: Huh? - I'm sorry, sewer monsters?

Raph, hey, you are harshing the rescue vibes, my man.

It's us, okay? Your brothers.

- No brothers. Savage Raph alone!

[grunting]

♪ ♪

- We're here to bring you home.

- Sewer monsters invade! Must squash!

[grunting]

- Okay, I want off this ride now.

Snap out of it, Raph.

- Squash you!

[dramatic music]

- He still can't tell it's us.

But if we get this sewer sludge off--

Mikey, open that flood valve!

- Hm...

[grunting]

Hm, need something stronger.

both: Use Raph, use Raph, use Raph!

- No one's going to shout the answer at me

and make all my problems disappear.

Time for a little razzmatazz.

- [grunts]

- Raph, I'm a nasty sewer monster.

Don't you want to come squash me?

[grunting]

[dramatic music]

- So long, jerks!

[all gasp]

- Wait, where's Raph?

Board shorts were my undoing!

- Clean sewer monsters still sewer monsters!

Savage Raph destroy!

- [yells]

- Lace Face.

Guys, I know how we can get our brother back.

The Midnight Special!

[rock music]

- Huh?

- Look alive, Leo!

- [laughs]

And trick passing!

♪ ♪

- Sports!

- No!

[grunts]

[laughs]

Yo, did y'all see that?

- Raph! - You're back, baby!

- Back? Uh-oh, did I get weird again?

- Super weird, even by my standards.

- But we learned a valuable something

about never something-ing you alone again.

- Aw, I love you guys.

Now let's go home and try tubing again tomorrow.

[relaxing music]

♪ ♪

[metal clangs]

- Raph!

- Birthdays ruined. Parks destroyed.

Museums vandalized.

Tonight on Cybersleuth, I reveal the culprits.

Beware the Mutant Menace!

- Mutant Menace! Ohmigosh!

They're talking about us!

- I can't believe we're getting blamed for this!

Virtually everything in there was somebody else's fault.

I think.

- So unfair. Although it is a boost

for my emotionally unavailable bad boy image.

"Y'ello." - Look, guys.

- I think this might be an opportunity

to turn a dark cloud into a silver lining.

You fellahs ever read this fine piece of literature?

- "Horrible Wolfie the Harmless Wolfpup?"

- Yes, it's the touching story of a kid wolf

who shows up at a town full of humans

who all want to run him through with a pitchfork.

- That's supposed to be touching?

- But Wolfie didn't run away.

He performed loving deeds for the hateful townfolk,

and they welcomed him into their hearts!

So that's what we'll do. We'll get in our giant tank

and smash people in the face with good deeds!

- Yeah! We are good-doers!

- Oh, this is gonna look great on my college application!

- Any votes for staying home during the anti-mutant panic?

No? Okay, leggo!

- Now each time we do a good deed,

we'll leave behind one of our friendly calling cards.

- This good deed brought to you by the "Mutant Menace."

Winky face! Who wouldn't love this?

[tires screech]

- Uh-huh, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

[funky music]

♪ ♪

- [meowing]

- Aww, kitty need to go inside?

[vacuum whirring]

- [groans]

- Boys, we're good-doers. And what do good-doers do?

They good-do, and they good-do it well!

- New York is going to adore us.

- In local news, a team of heartless pranksters

dubbed the "Mutant Menace Evil Winky Face"

are wreaking havoc across the city.

We go live to unpaid E-reporter, Cybersleuth.

- A fire rages.

[clamoring]

A canary flees for its life.

A Maltese is trapped in concrete.

What do these tragedies have in common?

The horrible villains called the Mutant Menace!

- What?

We called ourselves the Mutant Menace as a joke!

That's why we used the "just-kidding" quotes,

and the just-kidding winky face!

- Raph, you know I love you, but people don't focus

on punctuation when they're stuck in concrete.

- There's something familiar about that disguised voice.

- No doubt you're wondering who I am.

I am none other than boy genius Baxter Stockboy!

- What? both: Baxter Stockboy!

- I am not looking forward to whatever that highly-skilled

under-achiever has in store for us.

- Never fear, New York.

I will expose these monsters for what they are!

I have been tracking them from the Stock-N-Shop Blimp.

- He's tracking us?

- Hey, we look like a giant turtle!

- Yeah, everybody was saying "go stealth, go stealth."

But come on, look at us. We all kinds of bad!

- You, too, can track the mutant menace

by accessing the Baxter Stockboy Live Stream,

available for a reasonable fee.

- We can't let anyone see us.

We need to get home muy rapido.

[engine revving]

[dramatic music]

- What the--

[clamoring]

[tires screech]

- It's them! The Mutant Menace!

- Get them!

- You know, you don't normally see pitchforks

in Mid-Town Manhattan.

- Oh, mama, people are getting rustic out there!

- We were trying to be nice to them.

Have they never read "Horrible Wolfie?"

- Ah, force shields down %.

- Wait a second, we have force shields?

- We do not.

- You shall not pass!

- [yelps]

- [groans]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[beeping]

[yelping]

- Oh, Raph-a-la, would you mind

easing up on the gas, dear friend?

- I can't, the throttle's stuck or something.

No brakes, no steering! Donnie, what's going on?

- Oh, no, oh, no! Ah, okay, whew.

Good news, guys. My engineering is fine.

Oh, and something's taken control of the Turtle Tank.

- Look out!

- I'm trying the taxi rockets!

[whirring]

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Look out, et cetera!

Whoa!

♪ ♪

- Wow, nice work, Raph.

But we can't keep this up forever.

Those rockets have limited fuel.

♪ ♪

- Trapped?

I knew being nice to people would get us in trouble.

[metal scraping]

[-bit music]

- Chell-o? - Mikey,

we do not "chell-o" the enemy.

- Oh, mutants, you no doubt have noticed

my microbots are in control of your vehicle.

[tires screeching]

[clucking]

- [yells]

- What's your angle, Stockboy?

- Just watch!

New York, I will deliver the Mutant Menace

to the steps of City Hall in five minutes!

Subscribe and donate to my live stream

to witness the spectacle!

Or see it in person, if you dare.

Premium tickets are for sale on my website.

We accept cash, credit cards, cryptocurrency--

- What is with this kid? He's going to expose us

all to New York just for money?

- Yeah, we don't have any money,

and we get by just fine.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, we are poor as dirt.

[yelps]

[dramatic music]

- I can't steer and I can't stop!

[yelps]

- Step aside, it's portal time!

- No! - No, stop, no!

♪ ♪

[all yelling]

[all grunting]

- Hey, one of Leo's portals didn't work,

we all totally expected.

Oh, Newton's apple!

How could I forget the floor hatch?

I can just shimmy out and see if--

- No time for that. I'll go.

[grunting]

[yelps]

Donnie! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Make this hatch bigger! Ow, ow, ow!

- I made it to your specs, but that was when

you were in your "doing sit-ups every day" phase.

[loud bump]

[beeping]

[tires screech]

- Three minutes to the reveal of the Mutant Menace!

- What do we do, what do we do, what do we do?

- We send this gasbag on the highway to helium!

[various beeping]

- Ah, now they're sh**ting blimps!

- The whales of the sky.

- Step right up, folks!

Any moment, you can behold the Mutant Menace,

the dangerous spectacle that's sweeping New York!

One dollar per person. Cash preferred.

- Okay, we're out of jet fuel, we're out of bowling ba*ls,

and we're going to be exposed to New York

smelling like the inside of this tank!

- Relax, Leo. We still have

nature's bowling ball. Me!

[grunts]

[rock music]

Launch me, baby!

Hot soup!

Mystic whip grip!

♪ ♪

- No, no, no!

- There they are! They're right behind you!

There they are! Turn around, turn around!

all: Huh?

- Hey, that's an empty street! - Oh, come on!

[clamoring]

- Phew, Mikey with the save!

Oh, no!

♪ ♪

- [gasps]

- [yells]

- [yells]

[electricity crackling]

Nice one, Mike. You see that, Raph?

- [gurgling]

- Um, hey, Donnie, we're sinking

and Raph is swallowing the Hudson River.

- Do you really think I would have built this tank

without an amphibious mode?

[kazoo blows]

Oh, that is the wrong button. Here we go.

[air hisses]

- [gasps]

- Dumb Stock-N-Shop publicity stunt!

- Total scam!

I spent $ on pitchforks for nothing!

- Baxter Stockboy, we're taking you in

for unlicensed advertising, causing mass hysteria,

and driving a blimp without a learner's permit.

Alright, take him to kid genius jail.

- Mark my words, this isn't the last you've heard

of Baxter Stockboy!

[upbeat music]

- Well, I guess we'll never get people

to accept us for being good-doers like Wolfie.

- Maybe not, Mikey, but we'll keep trying,

because we're the "Mad Dogs," winky face!

- Hey, uh, Raph, did you ever finish reading your book here?

Because turns out after the villagers accept Wolfie

into their hearts, he eats them all.

- I got to start reading stuff to the end.

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪