18x06 - The w*r on Alcohol

[bunniefuu]

[♪ "Captain's Table" playing]

[all gulping]

-[Dennis] Mmm.
-[Frank] Mmm.

[all gulping]

Oh, baby.

-[Frank burps]
-Ooh.

-Oh, yeah!
-Okay.

-That's good sh*t, man.
Whoo-hoo!
-Wow.

Yeah, dude! Very nice.

I gotta say, as a sales rep,
I don't usually see

quite that level of enthusiasm.

-[Dee] Nope!
-Yeah, so we crack open
some more?

-Yeah.
-You want me
to open another case?

-Yeah.
-Yes!

-We only had 12, dude,
so, you know...
-Yeah, I feel like

-we're just sort of
revving our engines.
-Yeah.

People usually just sample
the one and then they'll...
they'll buy the rest.

-Yeah, yeah. [chuckles]
-Usually.

-That's not us, so...
-Yeah.

Well, I'm thrilled you guys
like the product.

-You have made
believers out of us.
-Absolutely.

-It's great.
-I don't have to tell you guys

how hard it's been for
the bar business these days.

-Oh, my God. Oh, wow.
-You don't have to tell us.
It's crazy.

-People aren't drinking
like they used to.
-They're not.

Well, people are pussies.
What can we say?

I'm just happy you guys
are stoked on the product.

I really think that
Shallow Shade Lager could be

a really big draw
here at Paddy's Pub.

-Yeah.
Tell us more about this...
-Tell us more about it.

Okay, uh, it's brewed locally
right here in Philly.

-Like that.
-Uh-huh.

Uses all natural ingredients
for a crisp, clean taste.

-[Dennis] Nice.
-Eighty calories per bottle.

-Oh, yeah. I like that.
-Stay fit.

And best of all, obviously,
it is nonalcoholic.

[all laughing]

-Nonalcoholic.
-Look who's got
a dry sense of humor.

-Yeah, look at him.
-[Charlie chuckling]
Nonalcoholic.

What's the alcohol content
though, for real?

It's-It's none, it's zero.

None.

You're gonna want to get
out of here because--

-Get the hell out of here.
-Get out.

Somebody's gonna... You think
we're joking, but we're not.

-Why's he standing there?
-I drank this, man!

Get out!

-[Charlie]
I drank this sh*t, man!
-Get out of here!

-Get!
-[Charlie] Get him, Dee!

-You piece of sh*t!
-Get! Go!

Go! Go!

[♪ "Temptation Sensation"
playing]

It's crazy to me, you know,
because they taste the same,

but they just don't
work the same, you know?

-No.
-Right.

It's official.
The w*r on alcohol
has finally come to our shores.

-No!
-[Frank] Damn.

-How did we not
see this coming?
-We got caught flat-footed.

I mean... [stammers]
...this thing's been
coming for a long time though.

-It's been coming for us.
-They're taking
the booze out of beer.

They take the tobacco
out of cigarettes.

They're taking the meat
out of burgers.

They took out cocaine
out of Coca-Cola.

Yeah, there was
cocaine in there. Right? Yeah.

I, for one, I'm sick of it.

I feel like we need to
remind people that
alcohol is good for us.

-Yeah, exactly.
-Dude, it's great for us.

-It's a wonderful thing.
-It's, like,
one of the main food groups.

Back in my day,
a bar was the only place

where people from all walks
of life could come together.

[Dee] Yeah.

I mean, you had roofers
drinking with brain surgeons.

Whites, Blacks, Ricans,
'malans, 'zuelans.

-Yeah. Everyone's toge--
-No Asians.

-[Dee] No?
-They kept to themselves.

Couldn't get them to mix, huh?

-It's a private, inner circle.
-Sort of like an allergy.

-They avoided us.
-Well, yeah.

Alcohol is the glue that sort
of binds us all together.

-It's like the society's glue.
-Yes!

-A great unifier is what it is.
-It is, exactly.

[Frank] Exactly.
I tell you what we should do.

We should go down to that
big office building
down the block

and go up there
and recruit some suits
to come to Paddy's happy hour.

-Oh, hey. That's a good idea.
-Oh, that's a good idea.

Get that vibe going again.
Get people hammered
at lunchtime, you now?

Charlie, why don't you and I
go to the factory?

We round up some
blue-collar workers so we've
got all of our bases covered?

We'll go blue-collar,
and you go white-collar.

-We'll bring them together.
-We'll get them all.

-[Dennis] Nice. Smart.
-It's the great unifier,
really, alcohol.

All right.
Let's fight back in this w*r.

[Dee] What kind of business
did you say this was?

-Directory said it was
a marketing agency.
-Oh.

Okay, that's exactly the type
of clientele we need

to be getting at Paddy's,
you know what I mean?
Fancy suits,

fancy ties, power lunches
and sh*t, you know?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

That being said, I'm not
seeing anybody in this office,

so I don't know
what's happening.

-[Frank] Yeah.
-Here we go.
Hey, hi, do you work here?

Uh, I'm an intern.
My name's Darren.

Uh, well, Darren... [stammers]
...where is everybody?

Everybody mostly works remote
these days.

They only come in for, like,
important meetings.

Do you guys work here?

-Yes.
-Yes, we do.

-Yeah.
-Yep, we're, uh, in marketing.

-Marketing.
-Oh, great. Hey, that's great.

If you guys
need anything at all,
just please let me know.

-Wonderful.
-Yes, we got it, Darren.
Thank you.

-Thanks, Darren.
-Thanks.

See, guys,
this is exactly the problem.

Nobody's going into bars,
nobody's going into offices.

It's all connected.

-Work and alcohol
should be intertwined.
-Oh, yeah.

I mean, when I was working,
I would come into the office,
pour myself a drink,

take a few meetings,
goose the secretary,
go to lunch,

have a few more drinks,
and come back.

You know, work, drink,
goose, then go back to the bar

until I got drunk enough
to tolerate my family.

I mean, home was
where you never wanted to be.

-Yeah, we remember.
-Yeah, we... we're your kids.

-Yeah. [chuckles]
-So we were there. [chuckles]

-Right.
-That being said, you know,
I do... I think

we could take advantage
of this situation here.

Hear me out. What if we were
to use this space to,

like, create an ad of our own,

you know, that could deliver
our message to the masses?

Oh.

-Right?
-Like Got Milk?

-But for booze.
-Yes, exactly.

Okay, but... [stammers]
...hear me out here.

If we're going to be
singing the virtues of alcohol,

-I feel we should
also be drinking it.
-And wearing suits.

-And smoking.
-Yes!

-And smoking.
-Come on. [chuckles]

I think we're headed
in the right direction here.
This is good.

Now the last thing
we want in our bar
is a bunch of eggheads.

-No nerds.
-No nerds.

Let's get in there.
Let's find some
hulking beefcakes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but, dude,
dude, I gotta stop you
before we go in.

I'm a little concerned
about this look, like,
what's going on here, man?

All the beefcakes are going
to be dressed like this, dude.

-Really?
-Yeah, they're gonna want
their torsos

to breathe
on account of the molten lava.

[gasps] Wait, dude.

Is this one of those factories
with a giant vat of lava
in the middle?

Every single industrial
warehouse in this city

is harnessing the power
of molten lava to melt steel.

Dude, I knew that,
and I totally forgot about it.

-What's with the bag?
-Oh. Okay, yeah, good.

So I was figuring at some point
they're going to
blow a loud whistle,

we're all going to break off.

We're gonna eat our lunches
on a giant beam,

suspended thousands of feet
above the city.

You know what I mean?

g*dd*mn it, Charlie,

-that is brilliant.
-I know.

And I didn't bring lunch,
and that's exactly
what's gonna happen.

No, no,
I brought you a sandwich, yeah.

-You did?
-I made sandwiches
for all the boys.

Make sure you play it tough.

You got to prepare yourself for
what we're about to
walk into, dude.

It is gonna to be dark,
it is gonna be steamy,

it is gonna be loud,
and it is gonna be hot.

-Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
-So let's bow up.

-And let's try to fit in.
-All right.

[gruff voice] Youse want
some sandwiches? Let's go.

Fellas, got sandwiches.

[Mac] What the sh*t is this?

It's bright as hell
in here, dude.

Yeah. And freezing.

And where's the...
Where's the lava vats?

Where are the muscular men
that I was promised?

I see one dude,
but he doesn't look
very muscular at all.

His collar is white.
This is all very confusing.

Yeah, a white-collar guy.
Let's just talk to him.

-Let's go.
-Okay.

[Charlie] Excuse me. Hey, sir.

Yeah, hi... [stammers]
...Sorry to bother you, but,
like, um, where's the lava?

Lava?

Yeah, and the muscular men
who bend your steel?

Yeah, do you have a room
with, like, flying sparks
and you know, like...

Crashing and bashing
and most importantly,
glistening muscles.

Yeah, like,
where is everybody, dude?

Well, most of the manufacturing
has been automated

and whatever can't be done
by robots has been
outsourced to China, so...

I'm having a hard time
picturing muscular Chinamen
bending steel.

Yeah, you know what, I just...
Because I associate the Chinese

with speed and agility
more than, like--

I would think more Korean
or Filipino to be in this--

-Yeah, but just not
pure brute strength.
-Not pure brute strength.

I'm sorry, guys,
can I help you?

No, no, I don't think so.

We're looking for a more
blue-collar-type man
for our bar.

Well, yeah, we're doing...
We're bringing back the whole,

like, drinking happy hour
lunch break thing
at our bar, so...

I could... I could come.

Yeah, I could really
use the company.

Question though, you guys have
nonalcoholic beers?

-Weirdly, yeah,
we do actually, but--
-Fantastic.

You don't really
fit the profile,
is what I'm saying.

Yeah. Oh, dude!
Yeah, you probably
have to, like,

be, like,
doing more push-ups and stuff

just to build the physique
that he's going for.

Oh, and plus you have to, like,
run this whole factory,

since you're the only guy here,
you know?

Actually, I can monitor
all the machines
from an app on my phone.

Yeah, you can automate
any business.

-Oh, that's so... so lame...
-Cool. You can
automate stuff now.

-That's really lame.
-That's exciting. Yeah--

-Okay, how many
push-ups do you want?
-[Charlie] Oh.

-What's this guy's deal?
-I...

-I've been doing P90X
since I was five.
-Have you? Yeah.

I think you
just get kind of weird
working alone all day.

Yeah, hey,
you're good actually.

-That's-That's fine.
-Yeah?

That's...
Yeah, that's-that's good.

Okay. He's the best we got.

All right, come on, dude.
What's your name?

-Oh, my name is Mitch.
-Okay, Mitch.
Let's... Let's roll.

All right, so we need
to come up with an ad

that's gonna get people excited
about drinking
in bars again, right?

So, why don't we
start with a little
word association, right?

I'll start. Um, alcohol.

Delicious.

-Uh, refreshing.
-Uh-huh, classy.

-Delicious.
-We already
did that one, Frank.

People hate words.

The first rule of advertising
is show, don't tell.

-What if we came up
with a mascot?
-[Frank] Mmm.

Like when we were kids,
we started smoking
because a cartoon camel

in a very cool black leather
jacket told us it was cool.

-A mascot could work.
-Yeah.

-How about a worm?
-[Dee] Huh?

Well, too slimy.

-Yeah.
-Porcupine?

Too prickly.

Penguin?

Well, now a penguin I like.

-A penguin could wear a tuxedo.
-[Frank] Mm-hmm.

-And a Rolex.
-Yes!

Rolling down the highway
in an Alfa Romeo,

drink in one hand,
babe in the other,
I like this.

Dee, write it down.

-You're on fire. Yeah.
-Yeah. [chuckles]

No, why would I write it down?

Why not?
We're spinning gold here.

Somebody's got to
write it down.

-Yeah. Write it down, Dee.
-Okay, well,
I'm not your secretary.

-Why would I be
the one to write it down?
-You're the woman.

It's bad enough we can't bang
or goose sh*t.

-Yeah.
-Frank, it's not
the '50s anymore, okay?

-Women are equal now.
-Okay, Dee.

No one's saying that
you're not equal, okay?

You have just as much
say as us.

-Thank you.
-Okay, so why don't we
put it to a vote?

Who wants Dee
to be the secretary?

Oh, g*dd*mn it.
No, you know what?
Screw you guys.

-No, forget it.
-[coughs]

Big old wide, empty office.
I'm gonna take
full advantage of it.

[chuckles] Okay, well,
good riddance.

Worst secretary I ever had.

Yeah, so your customers
can just tap their card,

use their phone, tip,
and help themselves
all while you are out.

-It's impressive.
I'll give you that.
-Yeah.

There you go.
There's a beer for you
and a nonalcoholic for me.

-Yeah.
-So, yeah.

You want anything else without
the main ingredient in it?

-[chuckles]
-Want a water with no hydrogen?
[chuckles]

You can never make water
with no hydrogen.

I'm gonna f*cking smash
this guy across his head.
I-I can't. I mean...

Yeah, you...
All hydrants have water
in them, dude.

Come on, dude.
Let's-Let's go talk
to our-our-our buddies.

-[Dennis grunts]
-[Charlie groans]

What's with that dude?

Oh, he's... he's like a
nerd factory worker.

It's the best
we could find, man.

He's automating the bar,
whatever that means.

Better than a monkey.

Yeah, at least that thing
can't stick its d*ck
in our mouths. [chuckles]

A monkey did do that.

But the whole thing
about the monkey we can forget.

-Yeah, I forget the mon...
Hey, yo!
-It comes into my mind,

every once in a while.

-Oh, yeah, that monkey.
-It does.

I wake up in the night
sometimes, just terrified
thinking about the monkey.

We all caught something
from that monkey, right?

Like, everybody...
I was sick for days, dude.

-I was sick for days.
-I know.

Uh, hey, how'd it go
at the office building?

-[groans] Total ghost town.
-No one there?

Dude, no one's
at the factory either.

-He's the only guy
working there.
-Really?

They're taking the alcohol
out of booze and the workers
out of the workplace.

Yeah, and there's no lava
in the factories anymore.
It's just crazy.

What? Lava was
our most important
American export.

That's why we took over Hawaii.

Yeah, I don't know about that,
but, you know, Frank and I

have been working on,
like, a little ad
to get people back into bars.

-Oh, okay.
-Okay, yeah.

-Advertising, we didn't
think about that.
-That's lunch.

-Oh, is that lunch?
-It's lunch time.

-Yeah, lunch is over.
-We gotta get back to work.

That's lunch.
All right, bottoms up, boys.

-[Frank vocalizes]
-All right, let's go.

[all gulping]

[gasps] Oh.

-Please come in.
-You wanted to see me?

Mm-hmm.

[sucks teeth] I was hoping
you could fill me up.

-[chuckling]
-[mutters]

Bend over over there,
get it done.

-Just in the shaker,
I'm assuming.
-Yeah.

Do a little splash.
Smells like you already got--

-[groans] Whoa!
-[laughs]

You just got goosed, my friend.

Oh, is that for me?

Yeah, nice and stiff,
just like mama likes.

Let me ask you a question.

Do you believe women, Derrick?

-It's, uh, it's D...
It's Darren.
-Mm-hmm.

Well, believe me when I say,
I'ma break your d*ck off.

[yells] What are you doing?

-I'm putting you to work.
-I don't...

-Um, I don't think
that I can do this.
-Why not? Why can't you do it?

Oh, because I have, um...

-[whispering] I have low T.
-You got a little D?

-No, no.
-I don't love it,
but I can twerk with it.

Low testosterone.

It's-It's-It's really common
amongst men my age, actually.

-What are you, like, 20?
-Also, I'm in a relationship.

[stammers] What? [laughing]

No, no, no, no.

Oh, Derrick, no,
there-there's been
a misunderstanding.

You see, I'm your boss.

This is about power.

I'm about to wield mine.

[♪ dramatic music plays]

Chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug!

Attaboy, Mitchell! [laughing]

-These nonalcoholic beers
are great.
-They're good, right?

Are you sure
they're nonalcoholic?

I could swear
that I'm feeling tipsy.

Yeah, right. Well, I think
that's just your mind
playing tricks on you, man.

'Cause it's actually
impossible, uh, to get drunk
off of these.

All right, you know what,
why don't you, like,

push a bunch of buttons
and see if you can
work up a sweat?

Then later maybe
you can pop your shirt off

for my boy, cause he needs
a win, man. You can see it
in his eyes, right?

-Deal.
-There's a sadness there.

All right, push the buttons!
Mitch, go, go, go!

I'm gonna go find him.
Keep drinking, all right?

-Chug, chug, chug!
-[imitates robot, chuckles]

Yo, Mac, yo. Ah, hey, dude.
Good news, man.

I spiked this NA beer
with alcohol and Mitch
is getting wasted, dude.

[chuckles] I think we can
maybe mold this guy
into what we need.

-You want one of these?
-Yeah, absolutely.

I'm just going through some
of these old employee files.

Okay, cool, yeah.

Wait a second,
I think we found our man.

That's our guy! Buck Longwood.

What a name and what a man.

-Cool. Yeah, he looks tough.
Yeah, sure.
-Yeah.

Tough? Tough doesn't even begin
to describe it, Charlie.

This is the kind of man
that built America.

-Sure.
-He could handle molten lava.

He could manipulate hard things
with his bare hands.

We owe these men everything.
We gotta find him.

Right.

But to, like,
just drink in our bar, right?

Well, to whatever, Charlie.
Let's not limit it.
I mean, once we...

I'm telling you,
I want to limit it to just
dudes drinking in the bar.

You don't think that the men
that built America

deserve exactly
what it is that they want?

Yes, it's what you want.

But we don't know what
Buck wants until we get Buck.

Yeah, I got a hunch
Buck and you don't want
the same thing, buddy.

I don't know.
Let's go find Buck.

Well, he's better than
what's his name.

-Yeah, All right. I...
-What is that?

Speaking of Mitch...
Uh-oh, he's in trouble.
Come on, come on.

-Hey, whoa!
-[chuckling] Guys, come here.

-What's going on here?
-[machine thudding]

[chuckling] Oh, my God,
my tie got stuck
in the machine.

Oh, yeah, well, that's why
you don't wear a tie
at a factory, right, Mitch?

[mocking]
Is that why you don't
wear a tie to a factory, Mitch?

This guy... See?
He's loosening up.
He's getting cooler.

Hey, do me a favor.
Press that button there.
It should reverse it.

-This one?
-Okay.

Oh.

-[exhales]
-[machine powers down]

That was close. [laughing]

It's not terrible.

It's really not that bad.

Are you serious?

[laughs] Oh, Frankie baby.

-Yeah?
-Mmm.

This is gonna
blow people's minds, man.
This is how you...

This is how you market
some sh*t right here.

[chuckling]

We're out of vermouth.

-Oof, that's not good.
-No, look.

Yeah, I see it.

Okay, let's go over
to Dee's office.

[stammers] She's got
some vermouth in there.

-Oh. Okay.
-We can make a martini.

-Envy. I want some.
-[chuckles] Mmm.

Okay. [grunts]

-Let's go, baby.
-Let's do it. [grunts]

[Frank groans]
The night is young.

-What you talking about?
It's daytime.
-[grunts]

What is-What is this?

-[♪ jovial music playing]
-[Frank] Ooh.

-Who the hell are these people?
-I don't know.

Are we on the right floor?

-I don't know.
-What's going on here
right now?

Oh, we're about to get started.

Come on, they said they need
everybody now, actually.

Let's get started. Okay.

-Go ahead.
-Okay.

Let's get started, shall we?

Great to have everyone back
in the office for a change.

I'm so excited to hear what
you've all been working on.

So, um, who wants to go first?
[clears throat]

Uh, how about those two?

Great.

Gentlemen, the floor is yours.

[whistles, stammers]
Ah. [chuckles]

[stammers] Actually, uh...

We're not, like, 100% ready
to present just yet.

Yeah, it's still
in the gestation period.

-We're just...
we're still gestating.
-Yeah, that's fine.

Just give us the broad strokes
of what you have so far.

Uh, you can use
that cable there to plug in.

-Uh, just where
we're at right now?
-[Frank] Mmm.

-[manager] Mm-hmm.
-Yeah, cool.
Uh, we can do that, yeah.

Frank, do you wanna
take this one?
I feel like you got--

No, you got it.

-You want me to s...
-Yeah, you-you-you-you do it.

Kinda want you to say it.
All right, I'll say it.

-You do it.
-All right, I got it.

[Dennis chuckles]
Very well, then.

Um...

This is just
where we're at right now.

-Okay.
-[manager] Great.

[Frank] Mm-hmm.

-Earth.
-[Frank] Mmm.

-Our home, cradle of life.
-[Frank grunting softly]

Beautiful from a distance,

but up close,
it can be... [inhales]

-overwhelming, chaotic,
scary, even.
-[Frank grunting, growling]

And yet, through it all,
we don't falter.

[Frank] Yeah.

-We remain composed...
-Mm-hmm.

-...sophisticated...
-Mmm.

-...powerful.
-[laser sound effect]

And not because it's easy.
It's not easy.

Mmm.

-But because we have support.
-[grunts]

[Dennis] It doesn't judge us.

Doesn't talk back.

It waits patiently.

-[Frank] Yeah.
-[Dee] Mm-hmm.

Not too sweet,
but not too bitter.

-Hmm.
-Smooth.

It's reliable.

Ladies and gentlemen...

I present to you
the perfect secretary.

[Frank] Mm-hmm.

[manager scoffs]

[Frank] Ah.

[Dennis, Frank chuckling]

[scoffs]

W-What is this?

[chuckles] What? Look at that.
Are you kidding?

-[Dennis] Yeah.
-[Frank] That's it.

You know, it's still
a work in progress,
but, I mean...

We're still tinkering
around the edges.

-Yeah, we're tinkering.
-I'm sorry, who are you guys?

-Eh...
-Uh, we're...
we're in marketing.

-Markets, yeah.
-Yeah, so am I.

So is everyone at this meeting.
This is a marketing agency.

You know what, this is all
really good feedback

and very helpful,
'cause, you know, we're...

Like I said,
we're still gesticulating,
so we're gonna go, uh,

ideate on this on some lunch.
You-You wanna get some lunch?

-I'm hungry.
-I'm starving.

Me too.
You can't do these things
when you're hungry.

-[Frank] Starving.
-Thank you. We'll, uh...

-Okay.
-We're gonna see you guys
on the next one.

-[Frank] We'll be back.
-[Dee chuckles]

Men, am I right?

-Are you drinking?
-I am.

-Are you employed here?
-I am not.

In fact, I'm gonna
hit the road too, okay?

Enough! [groans]

Your tongue is as useless
as your pecker.

[♪ jovial music playing]

You missed
literally everything.

[thud]

[inhales] Wow, wow.
Sorry. I'm sorry.

She said that I had to do it.

Part of my job.

Sorry.

What is happening?

Is this where he lives?

That's what the file says.

Okay, uh, hey, dude,
are we sure we wanna
be inviting, like,

the trailer park crowd
into the bar,
you know what I mean? Like--

Charlie, America turned
its back on this guy

and he lost his job through
no fault of his own, right?

It is our national duty
to invite him to our bar.

-Now!
-I guess so.

How do I look?

What do you mean?

-Do I look hot?
-[sighs]

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Longwood,
do you mind if we come in?

[Buck] Who's asking?

We're not from the government
or anything, and we're not
trying to sell you anything.

We just wanna see
if you wanna come
to our bar for a drink.

Yeah. Actually, see, we work
at the factory
you used to work at.

The factory, huh?

It ain't the same.

-No. It's not the same.
-Well, no...

Nothing is the same anymore.

-The factory sucks now, dude.
-Yeah.

There-There-There's a w*r
on workers.
There's a w*r on booze.

There's a w*r on the entire
American way of life.

The American lifestyle.
The American lifestyle, yeah.

And we wanna go back to the way
it was, which is why
we wanna invite you down

to our bar for a drink on us
and whatever it is
you wanna do with me.

Oh, no, that was good.
You said enough.
You can stop right there.

sh*t. [sighs] Why not?

-Okay. All right, man, cool.
-[chuckles]
Okay, that was great.

-I'm in.
-[♪ scary music plays]

-Oh, sh*t!
-No, no!

-No! g*dd*mn!
-Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Sorry. I'm so sorry.

We didn't mean to scream.

[Mac] I didn't mean to say no,
but no.

-[Charlie] Yeah.
-It's okay. It happens.

-Does it happen?
-Does it happen too often?

-I bet it happens.
-I bet it does,
'cause that's gruesome.

When you go like this
and people don't see half,

-and then you do
one of those, it's...
-Yeah.

...you know, you... [stammers]
...gotta give a guy
a heads-up, but...

-Yeah, 'cause...
-So, how did that happen?

Lava accident.

-Oh.
-Ooh.

That's a shame.

Was it the company's fault?

No. It was mine.

Drinking on the job.

Were you drinking and you

-and you were doing the lava?
-Probably don't wanna
be doing that.

-You don't wanna be
drinking and doing...
-That's a bad combo.

So, where we boys headed?
I'll grab my chair.

-Grab your chair?
This is your chair. Um...
-No.

[Charlie] Yeah, no,
we're gonna just go.

Yeah, we're gonna run
and you can't run, so...

We don't have a ramp,
and we weren't expecting you
to be all burned up.

-Oh, sh*t.
I shouldn't have said that.
-No, don't say that.

-This is the wrong guy...
-We got it wrong.

Thank you for your service.

Yeah, I don't think
he's in the military.

-Yeah.
-Sorry about that and,
uh, have a good...

-Yeah.
-...time.

Sorry, Buck.

-Well, this was a total bust.
-Yeah.

It's terrible, you know?

Times have changed.

-The workplace has
become a nightmare.
-Yeah.

They've taken the T
out of the men.

My intern was useless.

Could not get
that engine started.

All right, well,
now, this is interesting.
According to this machine,

we actually made a sh*t ton
in sales today.

What? How?
We were barely even here.

They even bought
a bunch of the NA...

They mostly bought the NA beer.

They charged it to the machine.
We made a lot of money.

Maybe we're thinking
about this whole thing wrong.

Maybe we should embrace a more
modern workplace environment,

like more remote work,
you know?

One thing is for sure,
we should stop drinking
in the workplace,

'cause we know that can
only lead to bad things.

Yeah, that-that can be bad.

-Yeah.
-Yeah. [chuckles]

-Right.
-[Mac] Mm-hmm.

-[Charlie] Mmm.
-Or...

[♪ jovial music playing]

-Hey.
-See you later.

-Bye. Bye.
-Adios.

-See you later,
you piece of sh*t.
-Oh, my God.

-b*stard.
-Let's go get a real beer.

-a*s.
-Let's get a real beer.

[♪ "On Your Bike" playing]