15x11 - Delivery of Doom!/My Father the Boat

[bunniefuu]

[seagulls squawking]

Are ya ready, kids?

[kids] Aye-aye, Captain!

I can't hear you!

[kids] Aye-aye, Captain!

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

[Painty the Pirate laughs]

[jaunty flute melody]

Argh!

- [seagulls squawk]
- [waves crash]

[majestic music playing]

[bubbles churning]

[Plankton] It's almost ready,
Karen! Any minute now...

- [air puffs]
- [gasps]

There it is!
Did you see that, Karen?

[sighs] Don't you have anything
better to do?

Like what? We haven't had
a customer in months!

[mysterious music plays]

Karen, what is that?

I think it's a... customer.

What should I do?

Ask him if he wants
to order something.

Sounds unlikely, but I'll try.

Hello, sir. You don't actually
want to order anything, do you?

Do you have any food
without chum?

No, we do not!

Hmm. Well, I'll just have
a cup of coffee.

There's no chum
in coffee, right?

Oh no, no, of course not...

Squidward?
What are you doing here?

Spying for Krabs?

Do you really think I'm here
to steal

your secret chum formula?

Good point.
Then why are you here?

I needed a nice quiet place

that's completely devoid
of life...

- [wind whooshing]
- [Squidward honks]

to finish writing my stage play.

A play, huh? What's it about?

It tells the story of a handsome
and talented artist

who struggles against
his evil employer,

an angry, uncouth crab
named Mr. Snippers.

I have the beginning worked out,

but I just can't figure
out the ending!

What a coincidence!

I happen to be
writing a play too!

It's about a big angry crab

who torments a nice
innocent shopkeeper.

But I only have the ending!

[both sneeze]

[whimsical music playing]

[angelic choir sings]

It's beautiful.

This is destiny!

We must put on our play,
together!

Luckily,
I've already built a stage.

[both shout]

[Squidward gasps]

Not bad, but we simply
have to change

the color of this curtain.

To this lovely shade
of scarlet, for instance.

Pee-yew! It should be crimson,
not scarlet!

That's hideous!

Your nose is hideous!

Sounds like you two
need a director!

Excellent idea.

Of course, I'm the obvious
choice for director.

Oh please,
I love bossing people around!

I should be the director!

Yeah! If we want it ruined!

- Cretin!
- Jerk!

Enough!

Since you two can't agree
on anything,

I'll be the director!

[both grumble]

[bubbles churning]

Now, in this scene,

Mr. Snippers
is berating his employees

as they row a Roman galley.

[majestic music playing]

Ahem!

Get back to work...
you lazy...

Back to work, you lazy...

Hold it!
I think there's been a mistake.

I am playing Mr. Snippers!

What are you talking about?

I'm perfect for the role
of Mr. Snippers!

And everyone knows the villain
is the best part!

Eh! There's only one way
to settle this.

You'll both have to audition.

If I must!

I will say, I am not accustomed
to reading for my roles anymore.

I shall read
from a medley of classics.

Ahem! Clameo, Clameo,
wherefore art thou, Clameo?

Friends! Romans! Countrymen!

Lend me your ears!

[shouts]

[Southern accent]
I have always relied

on the idiocy of strangers.

[grunts]

I could'a had Krabby Patties.

I could'a had the formula.
Instead of chum!

Which is all I have.

[coughing]

Oh, what a ham!

You're the one chewing
the scenery!

[both grumble]

Hold it! I've made my choice!

The role of Mr. Snippers
goes to...

neither of you!

We'll cast someone else
to play Mr. Snippers.

Oh yeah? Where are you gonna
find an actor

who will follow orders

and is dumb enough
to do it for free?

Is this where I catch the bus
to Clam Francisco?

Oops! Mr. Krabs did warn me.

Never make three left turns
at the Barg'N-Mart, boy-o.

Arg arg arg arg arg arg!

We found our Mr. Snippers!

[both groan]

[bubbles churning]

Now SpongeBob,
you'll be playing the villain.

Ooh! Everyone knows the villain
is the best part.

[both grumble]

Let's pick it up from page 56.

Arr! Getteth to worketh

or I'm gonna giveth you a boop

on your cutesy noseth.

Boop!

No, no, no! Like this!

[gruff voice] Getteth to work
or I'll clobbereth thou!

[normal voice] And then you
hit 'em with your drumsticks!

Yeah! Like this!

Ow!

No, no, like this! Harder!

[fighting grunts]

SpongeBob, what's the matter?

Why aren't you following
the script?

Don't you think Mr. Snippers
is too... mean?

It's just a play!

And in a play,
if you don't read the lines,

you'll be doing a bad job.

You want to do a good job,
don't you, SpongeBob?

Yeah! Yeah, yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Now do some good acting!

- Act, boy! Act!
- [barking]

Getteth to worketh
or I'll clobbereth thee!

- Ugg!
- Ow!

By Neptune, I think he's got it!

[thud]

[bubbles churning]

[indistinct chatter]

Thank you. Enjoy the show!

Do you think Krabs will show up
for his humiliation?

Oh, he'll be here.
I sent him a free ticket!

[cackles]

Outta the way!
Coming through!

VIP here!

Eugene! Oh, so glad
you could make it.

Yeah, yeah. This free play
better be worth the money.

Don't worry,

you'll get everything
that's coming to you.

- What was that?
- Right this way, sir!

[surprised] Ehh?

[grunts]

Who's Afraid
of Mr. Snippers,

written by Squidward Tentacles?

And alsoSheldon J. Plankton?

I should get top billing!

No one stands taller
than Sheldon J...

- [squish]
- Ahh!

Plankton.

[bubbles churning]

[lively music playing]

[dramatic drumming]

Gett-eth to work-eth!

Thou-est are the laziest
of fools-eth!

- [drumming]
- Arr!

I saw that poster outside,
Squidward. Ouch!

Oh, did you like it? Oof!

No! For one thing it should read
"Plankton and Squidward."

Ahh!

Oh, please!

I did most of the writing. Ow!

Why-est art thou
not worketh-ing?

As much as I like to see
Plankton and Squidward

get what's coming to 'em,

I think this
Mr. Snippers character

is a real jerk.

[clanging]

Whew! Being a villain
is hard work.

[Plankton] Credit hog!

Washed up hack!

Hack? Alright, that's it!

Get off of me! Ahh!

Aaah! He's in my toga!

[chomp]

Yow!

[growling]

Ouch! Let go!

As you wisheth.

[Plankton shouts]

[sighs] Actors!

They love improv.

To maim or not to maim:
thatis the question!

[cheering]

Ow!

- Yeah!
- Whoo!

Yeah, hit him! Hit him harder!

[groaning]

Stop this madness!

- What?
- Come on!

Boo!

Let us not fight.

Are we not all
creatures of the sea?

The truth is,
you're both more alike

than you are different.

I'm sure deep down you actually
love each other.

- [cheering]
- Good for you! So beautiful.

Why, that little scene-stealer.

We do notlove each other!

But we do agree on one thing...

[gasps]

[fighting grunts]

Yeah, get him, boys!

Take that tyrant
Mr. Snippers down!

Woo-hoo!

I'm just happy to see you two
getting along.

[laughs] Hey, that tickles!

Brilliant! Amazing!

What an emotional
roller-coaster!

- [Plankton groans]
- Hey!

Who wants to go
to the after-party

at the Krusty Krab?

[all cheering]

After-party prices are doubled.

Squidward,
you're running the register.

Get to work, you lazy bum!

That's what Mr. Snippers
would say, ain't it?

Arg arg arg arg arg arg!

Good night, good night...

Ohh!

[straining]

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

[dramatic, suspenseful
music playing]

[bubbles churning]

[French narrator]
Ah, the ocean.

So bustling with aquatic life.

- So... wet.
- [chirring]

Ooh! Here comes
one of the most elusive

of sea creatures now:
the squirrel.

Howdy, SpongeBob.

Uh, could you give me
some feedback

on this scientific paper
I'm writing?

I'd love to, Sandy.

"The ocean is permeated with
a multitude of aquatic life,

from the Ammodytes hexapterus

to the Asteroidea
and the Porifera.

Though the differences
are ostensible,

there is a plethora
of similarities..."

Uh... SpongeBob?
Are you alright?

[teeth chattering]
Your science paper...

so cold...
so d-d-didactic...

Gosh, do you reckon

it's too heavy
on the technical side?

It doesn't sound like anything
I've experienced

living in this wonderful ocean.

It doesn't capture the feel
of a warm current in your face

or what kelp feels like
between your toes!

I wish you could experience
the ocean like I do.

[bubbles churning]

So, Sandy, what was it
that you wanted to...

You're just in time!

Presenting my Fish-U-Up Machine!

With this device,
I'll swap out my squirrel DNA

with fish DNA!

And then I'll be able
to breathe water!

Then, I can study the ocean
like y'all sea critters do.

Without my bulky old suit on!

All thanks to the generous help
of our handsome volunteer, Fred.

Wait... I thought I was
getting a haircut.

Boop that button, square dude!

Boop!

[electricity crackles]

[blood-curdling scream]

[bell dings]

[dramatic music playing]

[chittering]

[dramatic music continues]

[rapid electronic beeps]

[dramatic music intensifies]

[air squeaking]

[strained inhalation]

[water whooshing]

[spluttering]

[gasps] It really worked!
You have gills!

Let's get you
a breath of fresh water!

Isn't the ocean grand?

Let it flow through your gills!

Huh? Oh no!

- [panicked, strained moans]
- Sandy, trust in your gills.

Breathe!

[muffled] Unh-uh!

Hey, SpongeBob.

Sandy forgot
how to breathe, huh?

Happens to me all the time.

- [smack]
- [grunt]

[strained breathing]

Oh! Yee-haw!

I'm a water breather!

There's a lot I need to learn
about the way of the fish.

Yeah, like, don't breathe
the yellow water.

Ew! Now I feel more spry
than a springtime pup!

What should we do first,
SpongeBob?

Might I suggest... everything!

[both laughing]

- [crazed giggling]
- [jaunty tune playing]

[chuckling]

Ow! [laughing]

[crazed giggling]

[inhales, sneezes]

[inhales, sneezes dramatically]

- Huh?
- [both giggling]

[bell dings]

[farting sounds]

[exhaling]

[taps window]

[crazed giggling]

[hydrothermal vents
spewing, rumbling]

[both laughing]

[jaunty tune continues playing]

[toilet flushes]

[fart sound]

Ah! Oh...

[giggling]

[blowing, sputtering]

[blowing]

[music fades]

Mm! You were right,

this grass feels so good
on my paws!

Oh! Ye-ouch!

Ow! Those stings hurt extra

without my diving suit on.

[gasps excitedly]
It's kind of invigorating!

[devious laughter]

Come on! Sting me! Sting me!

I'm right here. Bring it on!

[apprehensive groans]

Sandy! Check this out!

Feel the glory
of Jellyfish Fields!

[Sandy] It's beautiful!

Oh! And the refracted sunlight

feels so good on my bare fur!

And just breathe in
that current!

[inhales deeply]

[hacking]

Sandy, you're shedding.

[gasps] And you've got scales!

Good golly, I am and I do!

More of my new
fish-type attributes

are making themselves known!

I wonder what other
fish traits I have.

[gasps] Maybe I got
swimming skills!

There's only one place
to find out!

[surf rock music playing]

[inhales deeply] Ah!

Smell that salty waft!

Ugh!

Well, what are we waiting for,
my fish friend?

[both] Cannonball!

Ah! Isn't it nice
how sea creatures

take to water, Sandy?

Sandy!

Huh? It's just her pelt I felt.

[Sandy] Oh, SpongeBob...

Huh?

[dramatic sting]

Sandy! You're all scales!

Well, look at that!
I feel so free!

I can glide through the water
like a greased pig.

[stomach rumbling]

Speaking of, I feel hungry.

What do fish folk eat
around these parts?

Ooh, you're in luck!

Goo Lagoon has the best
unlicensed beach vendors

under the sea!

Ha-ha! You had me
at "unlicensed"!

Your finest fish flakes,
my good man.

Whatever.

Dig in!

Oh, well, ain't that clever!

Ha! You guys pay
for your flakes?

[creepy laughter]

[munching]

- Want some?
- Uh, thanks,

but I just ate.

Besides, we need to head back.

[munching]

Being a fish has given me
all kinds of insights.

- [gasps]
- [ominous music playing]

Just keep writing, Sandy.

Uh, we... we'll get you home...

What's gotten into you,
SpongeBob?

You're acting more skittish
than a long-tailed cat

in a roomful of rocking chairs.

- [shouts] Oh...
- [teeth chattering]

Those shiny hooks
look delicious!

Sandy, no!

Sandy, stay away from those.

But they're so... inviting.

Sandy! Don't take the bait!

[chomps]

[screams]

Sandy!

[chuckling] Come to papa.

Alright. Now let's
take a look at you.

[shocked] Oh, goodness!

[hurling, water splashing]

Oh, you ain't no prize
yourself, mister!

What are they dumping
in the water around here?!

- [grunts]
- Huh? Sandy! You're safe!

Sorry, SpongeBob,

I let my fish side
get the better of me.

Uh-oh...

- [groaning]
- Uh, Sandy?

[growling]

[dramatic music playing]

Ahh! You over-scienced
yourself!

Let's get you back to your lab!

- [smack]
- [growling]

Oh no! She's devolved!

I gotta help her!
Sandy, come back! [panting]

♪ Meow, meow,
meow-meow-meow-meow ♪

♪ Meow, meow,
meow-meow-meow-meow ♪

♪ Meow, meow... ♪

Meow!

[panicked yowling]

Sandy! Leave Gary alone!

[Gary yowls]

No! Gary!

Meow!

Oh, Gary, you're safe!

But, wait,
then what is Sandy eating?

- Pudding cups?
- [Sandy burps]

Gary, have you been hoarding
those in your shell again?

Meow, meow...

[growling, chomping]

Wait a minute...
pudding... shell...

home... dome... that's it!

Maybe Sandy's hoarding antidotes
back in her dome.

[skeptical meow]

[dramatic music]

[growls]

[SpongeBob groaning]

Whoa! Oh!

[grunting]

Phew!

We'll discuss this pudding
thing later, young man!

[sadly] Meow, meow.

Ahh!

Sandy, no! Ow! Ow!

Sandy, ow!

[French narrator reading]

[dramatic panting]

[sputtering indistinctly]

Oh! Sandy's gotta have
a remedy somewhere!

Where is it? Where is it?

[SpongeBob panting]

There! Bubble bath.

Sandy has been smelling
a little fishy lately.

And now, the re-evolution serum!

[sputtering indistinctly]

That's it!

[dramatic music playing]

[growling, snarling]

[groaning]

Ahh!

[robotic voice] Whoops, too far!

- SpongeBob! You saved the day!
- [angelic choir sings]

I'm just glad everything's
back to normal.

Yeah, but I feel like
we forgot something.

- [grunts]
- [glass shatters]

My legs!

My furry, furry legs!

My furry legs...

[snarling, growling]

Oh, right. Fred.

I'll get the carrier.

[gentle theme music playing]