15x08 - Jeffy T's Prankwell Emporium/A Taste of Plankton

[bunniefuu]

Are ya ready kids?

[kids] Aye-aye, Captain!

-I can't hear you!
-Aye-aye, Captain!

[elongated] Ooh...

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

[kids] ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

[kids] ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

[kids] ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
-Ready?

[all] ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪


SquarePants ♪

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Argh!

[clams chirping]

[magical, sparkling sounds]

[cooing]

-[giggling]
-[relaxing music playing]

[cooing, purring, giggling]

[relaxed sigh]

-[doorbell rings]
-[screams]

[screaming, shouting]

Another miserable start
to another miserable day.

Greetings!

You strike me as a man
with a healthy sense of humor.

[crickets chirping]

Well, boy, do I have
just the offer for you.

It's a deal you
can really sink...

-[groans, gibbers]
-...your chattering teeth into!

Oh, but that's not all!

Do you like to snap your gum?

Well this gum...

-Ah! [groans]
-snaps you!

These priceless gags
can be yours

for the low, low price of 24.99!

But if you act now,

I'll throw in a free set
of steak knives!

[cow moos]

[laughs obnoxiously]

Are you finished now, Dad?

Aw! How did you know it was me?

Bring it in, son.

I just flew into town
on my new sales route

and thought I would drop by.

And also thought I would
stay for a few days.

You-- What? Hey!

Oh, wow!

[nervously] Uh. Huh.

Very impressive, Squiddy!

Oh, you really think so?

Of course!

I love clown paintings!

-[laughs]
-[moans]

Cheer up, son.

Hey, why don't you play me

one of your
famous clarinet tunes?

Well, I have been practicing
a new song.

-[inhales deeply]
-[sad clarinet sound]

[snickers, laughs]

It's the classic
bubble-blowing clarinet!

It's only 6.99.

This will be the longest
few days of my life.

[loud honking]

Dad! Can you keep
your honking down?

Oh, no.

-[honks]
-[laughs]

If you like rubber chickens,

you'll love this bicycle horn!

[both startled]

Oh, that's right, boys.

I've got horns-a-plenty.

-Fog horns!
-[loud, deep honk]

-French horns!
-Hon, hon, hon!

Bull horns!

[bull bellows]

-[both] Whoa!
-Just 9.99 each.

I take all major credit cards.

But I promise,
I give them all back.

[all laugh]

Please, do not arm
my annoying neighbors

with even more annoying props!

I'm begging you, Father.

-What?
-What?

Squidward, this is your dad?

I thought Mr. Krabs
was your dad!

No, Patrick.

And I would appreciate it

if you left my father and I
alone.

Oh, come on, Squidward.

Join in. It's just harmless fun.

Yeah, harmless fun.

Put her there, Patrick.

[shocking groan]

[shocking laugh]

[both] Yeah! [shocking groans]

No.

Here, let me help you two up.

[shocking groans]

Ugh! Well, today was a wash.

Guess I'll try again tomorrow.

I just need to sleep for...

Twenty-three and a half hours.

[whoopee cushion noise]

[SpongeBob and Patrick laugh]

You'll be the life
of the slumber party

with my patented whoopee bed!

Oh! Leave me alone!

Always handy
to have a rubber ladder.

-Whoa!
-[gasps]

Oh, here it is.

[blinking sounds]

Ta-da!

[laughs] Now, that's what
I call a pop-up store!

Hey! Step right up
to Jeffy T's Prankwell Emporium!

I'm a peddler of pranks,

a giver of gags,
a trader of tricks.

You need it,

I sell a novelty
approximation of it.

Your friends will be saying,
"Hey! Prank's a lot!"

Well, I'm saying pranks
for nothing!

Who would have thought
Squidward's dad

would be such a lively guy?

Yeah! He makes me laugh.

S-Squidward just makes me sad.

Nonsense!

Squidward is hilarious
in his own right.

I mean, his name is Squidward

but he's an octopus!

Ha! That was one
of my best pranks.

That's a good one!

Can we see more of your
novelty gags, Mr. Tentacles?

Please, Mr. Tentacles is my son.

Call me Jeffy.

[terrified gasp]

There's more where
that came from!

Here are just a few
of my prototype gags.

Polka dot soap!

Dot's great! [laughs]

Disappearing squid ink!

Ooh. Think of all the money
I'll save on pants.

And don't forget my bombsicles.

[excited gasp]

[gulps, chews]

Cool.

That's right! I've developed
thousands of gags

over the course of my career.

I've even been working on...

the ultimate gag.

[both] Oooh.

But it's just not ready yet.

I can't seem to figure it out.

-Oh, oh! We can help!
-Yeah!

Show us your new gags,
Mr. Jeffyward!

Brilliant idea, boys.

Hey, why don't you step
into my test kitchen.

You know, this looks a lot
like Squidward's kitchen.

Think of it as my gag lab.

I've planted some of
my newest pranks around.

For instance...

Huh?

-Rice lice!
-[groans]

[panicked groans]

Some people are
so bad at cooking,

they can't even boil water.

[panicked screaming]

Especially not
with a flammable pot!

He better grab
that fire re-stinguisher!

-Gah!
-Here, son.

Use this squirting flower.

Ugh!

It's the real fire extinguisher.

[sighs]

Well, at least the fire's out.

[struggling groans] Hey.

I'm stuck.

That's because...

it's also instant bread!

[mouthful] Ta-da!

[both] Yay!

[both laughing]

Get it while it's hot!

It's a fire sale!

Now, who wants to buy some fun?

That's it!

I'm going where there
won't be any fun!

Work.

What? Wait a minute.

Doh! My cornea!

Something's wrong
with this money.

I better go tell Mr. Krabs.

What?

I'm not cleaning that up.

What's wrong, Squidward?

Huh?

Why do your teeth
look weirder than usual?

Rubber teeth.

And this is a rubber spill.

And rubber money.

I bought all these pranks
from your dad.

Aren't they hilarious?

[groans] Mr. Krabs!

SpongeBob is being
obnoxious again!

Huh? Gyah!

Got ya! It's my famous
rubber boss!

For only 99.99!

I can't take it anymore!

[crazy screaming]

Hey, Squidward!

Your dad sold me
this giant water balloon!

Only 49.99!

Catch!

Oh, no.

[Patrick] It's full
of jellyfish!

-[Patrick laughs]
-[Squidward groans]

[snoring]

[scary music]

Now to do something I should've
done a long time ago.

Beautiful baby.

So, daddy dearest.

You like pranks, do ya?

I'll give this some pranks
you'll never forget!

[maniacal laughing]

[delirious laughing]

Morning, son.
Looking chipper as always.

I have a present for you,
Father.

For me?

You shouldn't have.

Oh, but you really deserve it.

I wonder what it could be.

Ow!

A surprise boxing glove?

I love it!

And a cream pie?

With itching cream!

And a stink b*mb too!

[high-pitched laughing]

Uh-oh.

[painful groaning]

Son! This is it.

The ultimate gag!

Ow!

[screaming]

-Whoa!
-Not my pinky!

-[groaning]
-Pretty funny, right?

[both] Uh-huh! Uh-huh!

Here, knock yourselves out.

[both] Yeah!

[both groaning]

[SpongeBob and Patrick groaning]

You certainly take
after your old man.

Ow!

I'm so proud of you for
figuring out my ultimate gag.

[shocking groans]

Now I can share it
with the world!

Ow!

I'll just go pack up my things
and head out.

Really? That's all I ever wanted
to hear you say.

[sighs]

Got ya!

Ha. Ha.

[narrator] And now back to
The World of Gross Sea Life.

Observe how this ingenious
parasitic isopod

finds a new home by attaching
itself inside a fish's mouth,

becoming its new tongue.

Hmm?

That's the most disgusting thing
I've ever seen.

[grunts]

[grunts] Disgustingly genius!

It's giving me a wonderful idea!

I'll glue myself
to SpongeBob's tongue!

By hiding right in
that fry cook's face,

I'll be in the perfect position

to collect
a Krabby Patty sample!

[evil laughter]

[screams, grunts]

[grunts]

Well, what could possibly
go wrong?

Clever disguise? Check.

Sample container? Check.

Glue? Check.

Time to begin
operation tongue oppressor!

[licks]

An iron a day
keeps the wrinkles away!

[door bell rings]

Ooh. I hope it's a salesman!

Candy-gram!

Ooh! I just love
a Poetry-Slam Candy-gram!

Poetry? Well, okay.

Roses are red, candy is sweet.

Uh, eat with your mouth,
not with your feet?

Words to live by.

That's it! Eat the
delicious little plankton.

I'll just have one little candy.

[chomps]

Who am I kidding?

[aggressive chewing, gulps]

Come on, you dolt! Eat me.

Ooh. This pink candy
looks so delicious...

Yes. Yes.

That I saved it just
for you, Gary!

-[screaming]
-[buzzsaw sound]

-[toilet flushing]
-[whistling]

Ugh.

[groans]

I have to get inside
that mouth breather's mouth.

Maybe disguise myself
as a door to door dentist?

No, that's not a thing.

[groans]

Ew! I stepped in some old gum!

[groans]

-[screams]
-[chews]

[painful groaning]

[screams, groans]

[painful grunting]

And now, I just have
to glue myself

to his hideous tongue.

[grunting]

Come on. Whoops! [grunts]

[groans]

Yes!

[evil laughing]

Mm-hmm.

"The Tiny Book
of Tortuous Tongue Twisters."

Perfect for my morning
exercises.

My tongue has to be in tip top
shape to taste my patties.

Tongue twisters?

"The squad of odd cod

applaud the sassy cephalopod."

The pain! Huh?

This dream scheme
gone full steam

guarantees Eugene's screams.

Oh, boy. Now, I'm doing it.

Morning, Squidward.

[groaning]

[gasps, breathes heavily]

Ugh. Your breath
smells like chum.

[inhales and exhales deeply]

It is a bit stinky.

[groans]

You try passing through
a snail's intestines

and see what you smell like!

A little breath spray
should help.

[painful screaming]

[licks lips]

Better get some patties out of
the freezer for today's orders.

Oh, no! We're out of patties!

Of course, you are.

Which means I get to make
a whole new batch!

Hooray!

Even better!

I'll have a front-row seat
to the whole process.

[evil laugh]

A little secret ingredient A.

Secret ingredient A?

Two plops of B.

Some C, D, E, and G!

Two cups of this! A jar of that!

And just a pinch of Z.

What's this guy making?
Alphabet soup?

Mix well.

[wet gushing sounds]

Perfect!

Now for the taste test.

That's it, baby.

I only need one sample.

[confused screaming, grunts]

My eye!

Ugh. These patties
are kind of bland.

I can't taste them at all.

Time to get a little creative.

Hmm, maybe some
Limburger cheese will help.

Oh, no. Not Limburger.

[moans, groans]

Still blah.

Ooh! How about
a little sauerkraut?

Flying Dutchman peppers.

And this old jar of toe jam.

Good, Neptune.
Not in your mouth!

[painful moaning and groaning]

[licks lips]

Still doesn't have any taste.

Oh. I've made a critical error.

My glue has covered
that dolt's taste buds.

Get a move on, SpongeBob!

The orders are piling up!

No problem, Squidward.

[sighs] I guess
it'll have to do.

The Krabby Patties are ready,
Squidward.

Whatever.

[humming]

Thank Neptune. I'm starving.

Finally.

[gags] Is this even food?

Ew! This is disgusting!

[gagging, spitting]

I'll never eat here again!

I've had better garbage!

It tastes worse than chum!

Hmm.

Worse than chum?

What have you done
to my patties?

I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs.

The patties
have no flavor at all today.

No flavor?

More like too much flavor!

They taste like the
Flying Dutchman's long johns!

[whistling]

I'm afraid your taste buds
are worn out, boy-o.

Phew.

Until your tongue recovers,

you're off grill duty.

Turn in your hat and spatula.

Aww.

That's one more
for the failure pile.

Time to abandon tongue.

[grunts]

Ah, blast.

The zipper's covered in glue.

[fart noises]

Huh. My left armpit
still sounds a little sharp.

[fart noises]

That's better.

Hey, SpongeBob.

Hey, Patrick.

What's the matter?

I can't taste a thing.

My tongue is broken.

He goes to Patrick for advice?

It's the nitwits
leading the dimwits.

Your tongue's
probably just dirty.

That happens to me all the time.

[gasps] You're the smartest
smart person who ever smarted!

Give me a little run off music,
maestro!

[fart noises]

-Ahh.
-Sweet Neptune!

[screaming] No!

[painful fast groans]

[groans, grunting]

[spits]

[licks lips] I need
something stronger.

[boat horn]

This should do the trick!

Ahh!

[terrified scream, groans]

[groans]

[screams]

[sparkling sound]

[pants] May I borrow
your hat, sir?

Oh, of course!

It tastes like emptiness.

Tastes fine to me.

Oh, my poor tongue
is just worn out.

Guess it's time for a new one!

What?

Ahh.

Silly me.

Why didn't I do this earlier?

[door bell rings]

Can I borrow that
dirty old tongue of yours?

Of course!

Patrick eats more
Krabby Patties than anyone.

Why didn't I do this earlier?

Sorry, my old tongue's
a little loud.

That's okay.

[groans]

[gulps]

Perfect.

I'm just gonna go grab
a bite to eat

at the annual
Chum Eating Contest!

Chum eating contest?

Was that today?

On your marks,

get set,

chum!

[aggressive chewing]

Aw. Why can't I have
a detachable tongue?