14x08 - Mooned!/Hysterical History

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

[flute plays]

[waves crashing]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- And now
"The Jellyson Group."

- Good evening and welcome
to "The Jellyson Group,"

Bikini Bottom's best and
only show about jellyfishing.

My guests tonight
are jellyfishing fashion

journalist Fabrica Olay.

- [slurps]

Hmph.

- Famed jellyfish
juggler Fish-O The Clown.

[honks horn]

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

And something
called a SpongeBob.

- [babbles]

- Tonight we will be discussing
the moon jellyfish.

Only seen once every 25
years, will soon be migrating

through Bikini Bottom.

- If I can just interrupt,
there's no evidence

this jellyfish even exists.

Has anyone seen it,
much less caught it?

- Kevin C. Cucumber,
the greatest

jellyfisher who ever lived,
caught the moon jellyfish.

Roll his famous
moon catching clip.

- [laughs]

I caught it!

I caught the moon jellyfish!

I love jellyfishing!

- That video is a fake.

- Well, it looked real to me.

[horn honking]

That fish is real--
- It's a fake! A ruse!

- you big-shoed buffoon.
- Anyone could see it.

- The moon jellyfish is a fact.

- Stop!

It's not fake, and I'll prove
it to you by catching the moon

jellyfish just like Kevin did.

[laughter]

What did I tell you, Gary?

Maybe if I can get
Kevin to help me,

I'll have a chance to
catch that moon jellyfish.

And I know just
where to find Kevin.

At the Jellyspotters Clubhouse.

Ooh.

[doorbell rings]

- Meep.

Meep meep.

- Hello.

I'm looking for--

- Meep.

Meep.

[regal music]

- Kevin, is it really you?

I'm not worthy.

- Hey there, Not Worthy.

I'm Patrick.

- Patrick?

You're the president
of the Jellyspotters Club?

- Sure am.

We drew straws, and I was the
first one to eat them all.

- That's great.

Is Kevin Cucumber here?

- You mean the guy that
looks like a nerdy pickle?

He got kicked out
of the club years

ago and mysteriously
disappeared.

No one knows where he is.

Huh?

But if you want to find him,
here's his current address.

- 123 Shack in the Woods Lane.

Thank you, Patrick.

- That's President
Patrick to you, Sonny Jim.

Can I get a refill on these?

- Well, these are the woods,

and this is
the only lane I see.

[thunder booming]

This must be the place.

Uh-- oh!

Hello?

Kevin?

You here?

[screams]

Oh, phew.

- [groans]

- [screams]

- [sneezes]

- Time for walkies,
Miss Marigold.

Huh?

- Um, uh--

hello, ma'am.

I'm looking for
Kevin C. Cucumber.

Have you seen him?

- Eh, uh--

- [screaming]

- Ahh!

Oh, Kevin?

- SpongeBob?

- Kevin!

- What are you doing here at
my secret forest shame hole?

- Looking for you, silly.

I need some moon
jellyfish-catching tips

from the master.

- Master?

Ha!

I've lost any skills
I might have once had.

I don't remember how to
catch a regular jelly.

I don't even remember
how to catch a cold.

[sobbing]

- Well, don't worry, Kevin.

I can get you back in shape.

Then we can catch
the moon jelly,

and then you'll
be on top again.

- [blows nose]

- Just like the old days.

- You think so?

It's worth a try.

Thanks, SpongeBob.

This is the best day
I've had in years.

- Um, maybe we'll
clean you up first.

Hmm.

[razor buzzing]

- [groans]

- Kevin is back, baby.

- Now that you're
looking the part,

let's shake the rust off those
jellyfishing skills, shall we?

- Hmm.

[jellyfish buzzing]

[laughs]

[yells]

[jellyfish zapping]

- Ooh.

Maybe we'll start with
something a little easier.

[jellyfish cooing]

Jelly babies.

[jellyfish zapping]

OK, maybe something
a lot easier.

- [yelps]

Now, go ahead, Kevin.

Ow!
Take your-- ow!-- best swing.

- Mm-hmm.

I did it!

I'm a jellyfisher again!

[laughs]

- OK, now for the real deal.

What's step one in catching
the moon jellyfish?

- Uh, I know this one.

Wait for the moon
to come out so we can see it.

[yelps]

- Ooh, good step one.

Here it comes.

[giggles]

[mystical music]

♪ ♪

[jellyfish humming]

Ah!

OK, Kevin, what's step two?

Kevin?

- [screaming]

- Tire the moon jelly out
by getting it to chase us.

That must be step two, huh?

- There is no step two.

I don't know how to
catch a moon jellyfish.

I faked the moon
catching on a soundstage

so people would
think I was cool.

I got it.

Aw.

[sobbing]

- This is your chance
to catch it and really be cool.

Quick, in here.

Our best bet is to surround it.

You go left.

I'll go right.

We'll catch it between us.

And remember, stealth is key.

[both yelling]

- Huh?
Ahh!

[both shouting]

[sirens wailing]

- Some of us work
in the morning.

Come on!

[both screaming]

all: Hey,
it's the moon jellyfish.

Look at that.

[cheering]

[jellyfish buzzing]

- I don't think
we're going to catch up

to that jellyfish, SpongeBob.

My knees are getting tired.

[knee yawns]

- If we can't outrun it,
maybe we can trap it.

But we'll need some bait.

What would a moon
jellyfish like to eat?

both: Cheese.

- Hmm?

[slurps]

- Freeze, moon jelly.

- Prepare to be caught.

Huh?

- [chuckles]

- We're losing the light.

The moon jelly's
going to disappear.

- Losing the light, you say?
- Huh?

Maybe you could use
a little moonlight.

[triumphant music]

♪ ♪

[together]
Meep, meep, meep.

- Look, it's working!

- We need more moonlight!

[horn honks]

- Huh?

- Ahh!

Gah!
- Hyah!

- We caught him.

We did it, Kevin.

We did it.

Whoa!

- Sorry, SpongeBob.

But there's no we about it.

I'm the sole catcher
of the moon jellyfish.

[laughs]

Wha?
Wait a minute.

Where are we going?
Where are you taking me?

[screams]

[together]
Ooh.

- Wow.

- Where's the moon jelly going?

- Home, Patrick.

Home.

Until it comes back
in 25 years, that is.

- [screaming]

- [giggling]

- I hate jellyfishing.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [giggling]

OK, Sandy, your surprise is
just a few more steps away.

- Gosh, fellas,
I can't wait to--

both: Surprise!

- [gasps] The Museum of
Bikini Bottom History!

How'd y'all know
to take me here?

- You gave us
these invitations.

- Bleh-ehh.

- And boy am I glad I did.

I'm just itching to learn
all about the rich history

of Bikini Bottom.

And I will be taking notes.

My research
is going to be featured

in a scientific journal,
"The Naval Gazette."

- I love gazing at my navel.

Hi.

Well, what are we waiting for?

[grunting]

- Tickets, please.

- Here you go.

- [groans]
Let's see here.

One, two-- gee,
I lost my place.

- Look, the first artifact.

Bikini Bottom's
oldest security guard.

- They should dust
these old robots.

- Hey, can't you read?

It says no touching.

- [laughs]

Sorry.

- All right, youngsters.

In you go.

Now, don't cause
any trouble,

or you'll have to answer to me.

[laughs]

Hello?

[snoring]

- Welcome to the ancient
past before Bikini

Bottom was Bikini Bottom.

They say the exhibits
here date back

at least one gazillion years.

- Uh, you sure about that math?

- Uh, they do math good.

- [gasps]

Look here, fellas.

Millions of years ago,
this here land

was called Bikini Top.

The elevation was lowered
due to natural erosion.

- [scoffs]

That's not how it happened.

- Don't worry, Sandy.

We'll tell you the true story.

- Yeah.
It goes like this.

A gazillion years
ago, Bikini Top

was hit by a humongous anchor.

- The anchor flattened
the hill to the bottom

of the ocean, which is why
it's called Bikini Bottom.

- And then the
anchor was so heavy

that a bunch of buildings got
popped up out of the ground.

[hawk cawing]

- Ah!
- Ooh!

- Bikini Bottom.

[both hooting]

- You mean to tell me
the very anchor

we're standing
inside now is the one

that created Bikini Bottom?

both:
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

- Yup.

I see.

[elevator dings]

Looks like this
floor covers Bikini

Bottom's old pioneer days.

- Wow.

A genuine antique rock.

The pioneers used to ride
these babies for miles.

- I want to try.

Giddyup.

[rock neighing]

Whoa.

Hey, calm down.

- I gotcha.

- [screaming]

- Whoo-hoo!
Yippee-yo-ki-yay.

- Hey, no trick ropin'.

Darn hooligans.

[rock neighing]

Oh!

- Heh-heh-heh.
Sorry, sir.

- Look, Sandy,
in the old days, the pioneers

used to milk dairy urchins
on their homesteads.

- [whistling]

It was a simple, honest life
without an ounce of greed.

- Another full pail, Bessie.

I reckon I can barter
for quite a bit with this.

[chuckles]
Ah!

Maybe for some thicker gloves.

- But the pioneers
have to watch out

for those dirty,
stinky outlaws.

- [gasps]
Oh, no.

It's the Grungy g*ng.

Oh, I knew something
smelled fishy.

- [cackles]

We're here to take
that valuable little urchin

off your hands.

Er, claws.

- Not so fast,
you filthy felons.

- Fortunately, Sheriff Pants
and Deputy Star brought

law and order to the land.

We're here to
clean up your act.

- Get 'em, boys.

[cackling]

- Huh?

- Huh?

- Aw, bubbles.

- And with law came commerce.

- Thus Bikini Bottom's
first restaurant was opened.

The Krusty Kreamery.

[both slurping]

- Care for some souvenir milk?

- I'm not thirsty.

Thanks.
- Suit yourself.

[gulping]

Ahh.

[elevator dings]

- I reckon we've stepped
into Bikini Bottom's

Industrial Revolution era.

Wow.

A Model C Boat?

Says here-- ahh!

- Don't read that, Sandy.

We'll tell you the real story.

SpongeBob, what's the story?

- Well, Bikini Bottom's own
titan of industry, Mr. Puff,

ran the first successful
boat assembly line.

[horn honking]

It was important for
every worker to perform

as efficiently as possible.

[horns honking]

[whistle blows]

- Speed up line number five.

both:
Speeding up line number five.

- Huh?

[horns honking]

- [babbling]

- Eh, eh...ahh!

- Sometimes they'd get
a little too caught up

in their work.

Watch this.

- Whee!

[babbling]

Whoa.

- Oof!
- Ohh!

But being a shrewd
industrialist,

Mr. Puff also owned
the hospital next door.

- Beep, beep.

- Now hold it just
a darn minute.

- [laughs]

- Ain't no way these
screwball stories are true.

Let me read that plaque.

"Titan of industry."

"Assembly line."

"Injuries."

"Hospital next door."

"Beep beep"?

Well, twist my tail.

Y'all were right.

- Told ya.

Beep beep.

- I knew Bikini Bottom's
history would be colorful,

but I'm starting to have
more questions than answers.

- Maybe this question
mark on the top floor

is where you get your
questions answered.

- You forgot to push these.

[elevator dings]

[rock music]

- Psychedelic Sea era.

[upbeat music]

Deep Disco era.

[electronic music]

New Wave Nitwits era.

[bouncy upbeat music]

Nautical Nonsense era.

- This sure is a weird museum.

[elevator dings]

- Huh.

I guess this
is the ghost exhibit.

- I think it's under
construction, Patrick.

- Oh.

I can't wait till they
put the ghosts in.

- [gasps]

Wait a second.

Is this a denture applicator?

[machine chomping]

Orthopedic jet boots.

The atomic adult diaper ray.

Whoa!

both: We're adults.

[laughter]

- What in tarnation?

[gasps] This ain't no regular
future, fellas.

This is a future ruled
by Old Man Walker!

[dramatic music]

[statue crumbling]

- That's right, you hooligans.

I said no touching!

[together]
Sorry.

[shuddering]

- You three have seen too much,
and now I'm going to get ya.

Stay right there.

[all screaming]

- Run!

[yelling]

- Please, Old Man Walker.

We won't tell nobody
about the future.

- Hey, everybody,
we've seen the future,

but it's a secret.

Shh.

[loud rumbling]

[all gasping]

- Uh-oh.

[all screaming]

- Old Man Walker
will rule you all.

- Well,
there goes Bikini Bottom's

entire past and future.

- So, Sandy, what'd you think?

- I'm still skeptical.

Bikini Bottom's
past was a bit too nuts

for this old squirrel.

- But hey, at least Bikini
Bottom is normal now.

- [yelling]

- [cackling]

- Yep, totally normal.