06x15 - George Can't Let Sleeping Mexicans Lie

[bunniefuu]

George, look at us.
We're the neighborhood watch,

and you've got us
dressed like criminals.

The safety video said
we're supposed to wear

our reflector vests.

Angie, we have
the element of surprise.


by undercover cops.

Okay, the vest
was too small.

My head didn't fit
through the neck hole.

We can't make arrests anyway.
We're not even armed.

I don't need to be armed.
My body is my weapon. What-tcha.

I don't wanna hear

about your two weeks
of judo at the "y" again.

You don't think I know
what I'm doing? Grab my shirt.

I'm not gonna
grab your shirt.

Go ahead, grab it.
What are you afraid of, punk?

Fine.

Not at the bottom.

Who grabs a shirt
at the bottom?

Grab it like
you wanna k*ll me.

That I can do.

You're still not getting it.
Here, let me show you.

Vã¡manos! ¿por quã©?
¿sabes qu�

It's not what you think,
officer.

I'm just
teaching her a lesson.

Put your hands
in the air.

Now wave them
like you just don't care.

Sanchez?

I'm just having fun
with you, George.

What's up?

What's up, what's up?

Hey, Angie.
Hi.

Last night I made
a homeless guy do the robot.

What are you two
doing out here?

Neighborhood watch patrol.

Well, you shouldn't
be dressed in dark clothes.

Didn't you see the video?

I tried to tell her,
but you know women.

Black is slimming.

Someday your vanity
is gonna get us both k*lled.

Next time wear the vests.

One of your neighbors called,
saying there was some

suspicious looking people
walking around in hoodies.

Why would someone
report us?

Everyone in the neighborhood
knows who we are.

It's Mr. Sorkin, the new guy
who just moved in over there.

All units,
we have a 647--

a naked woman on foot
chasing a truck

at the corner
of riverside and pass.

Angie, where's my mom?

I just talked to her.
She's at the house.

You're lucky it's not
my mom naked.

You see a lot
of nasty stuff out here,

but there's no training
for that.

All right, man, I gotta go.
See you later.




Oh, there's Mr. Sorkin.

We should go over there
and introduce ourselves.

Oh, Angie, I hate
meeting new people.

I didn't wanna meet our kids
after they were born.

You cried
when they were born.

Because I wasted
three sundays on lamaze,

and they still
shot you up like a junkie. Ow!

Can I help you?

Hi, I'm Angie Lopez,
and this is my husband George.

We're the neighborhood watch
captains.

Oh, thank god. Chester sorkin.
Nice to meet you.

I saw you two
in those sweatshirts

and the dark clothes,

I thought
you were casing houses.

Casing houses?

Not tonight.
We're just stripping cars.

What year is this, 2004?

George, stop it.
He doesn't know you.

My husband wanted us
to go undercover.

Oh, I'm glad
you told me that.

I coulda done
something stupid,

mistaking you people
for the--the bad ones.

See you around.

Did you hear that,
Angie?

"You people,
the bad ones"?

George, don't overreact.

Overreact? He saw two latino
people walking down the street,

and he called the cops.

r*cist! ¿sabes qu�
I hate him.

You're reading
too much into this.

Am I? Let's get
another opinion.

Why don't we wake up the statue
of the sleeping Mexican

and ask him?

Okay, that's
a little offensive.

"Not a r*cist."
I told you.

Hey, you're lucky you're married
to "one of the smart ones."

Okay, I know you're mad.

Let's just go home,
and we'll figure something out.

Angie, I am not
putting up with this,

and my mom's gonna be mad, too.
That thing looks just like her.

How can you tell?
It's got a sombrero on.

Not the sleeping Mexican,
the garden gnome.
Oh.

You put my mom in a pointy hat,
let her beard grow,

they could be twins.

* all my friends

* know the low rider

* the low rider

* is a little higher

**

Sorkin just got home. You should
see how dirty his car is.

He probably drives
all the way to Utah

so white people
can wash it.

Well, I'm not
having any luck here.

I've looked through every city
ordinance they've ever passed,

and there is nothing
about keeping

a racially insensitive statue
on your lawn,

although we can still keep
chickens in our carriage house.

George, I'm ready, man.
Let's go do this.

Do what?

Listen, you keep looking
on the computer.

We're gonna go over

and ask him very nicely
to take the statue down.

Why are you
taking Ernie with you?

Because, uh,
he's very articulate.

Hey, he was on the debate team
in high school, remember?

He was the timekeeper.

Yeah, but he was
very good at it. Ernie?

Time.

George, you're going over there
to threaten sorkin,

and Ernie is your backup?

What's he gonna do,

stand there and scream like
a girl while you get hit?

If that's
what it takes, eh.

Look, Angie, guys like this
don't care about ordinances.

You saw the statue.

He might as well have
a neon sign on his lawn

that says "all Mexicans
are lazy and dumb."

Do you think he knows
I'm in special ed?

Max, this has nothing to do
with being Mexican.

That's because your mom
read to you every night,

and now books
make you sleepy.

George... just stop.

You can't go over there
and get in this guy's face.

What if he's crazy?
What if he has a g*n?

She's right.
That's why we need some lumber.

You know what they call this
in the hands of a judo master?

"The last thing he touches
before he dies"?

What the hell's going on?

A r*cist just moved in
down the block.

He's a white guy

that has a statue of
a sleeping Mexican on his lawn.

That is just like
white people--

you know,
to take the whole group

and say
they're all the same.

Come on, Ernie.
I am not letting you out
of this house with that bat.

Yeah?
How you gonna stop me?

Okay, I dare you to give it
back to me and try it again.

I wasn't ready.

You're just
gonna get hurt.

You've got the reflexes
of a drunk grandma.

You got anything else to say
about drunk grandmas?

I didn't think so.

Angie, if you don't deal with
this kind of stuff right away,

it spreads.
I think dad's right.

There's even racism
in my school.

I'm pretty sure
I'm getting a "d" in math

because my teacher
hates latinos.

Max, 50% of your class
is latino.

No way. There are, like,


Oh...

You're not helping
the cause!

Now I want you
to go up to your room

and don't come back down
for 50% of an hour.

You know we're gonna have to go
up there and get him, right?

Yeah.

Look, I am going
to write Mr. Sorkin

a strongly worded letter

outlining why we think
his statue is offensive,

and ask him to respect
our feelings and remove it.

And...

I am going to put it

directly into his mailbox.

I bet if that was
a statue of a Cuban

wasting everybody's time
by writing a dumb letter,

you'd think
it was offensive.

The pen is mightier
than the sword.

Yeah? That's why in "scarface"
at the end of the movie,

he walks in and says...

"Say hello to my little pen."

George, I just
finished the letter,

and I put it
on official stationery--

"n.w.a."

Ice cube and Dr. Dre's
old group?

You're sending this
to a r*cist?

Not that n.W.A.

"The neighborhood watch
association."

Okay, Angie, but look,

I think the letter
should scare him a little.

I would white out
the little crime dog

and sign it "wu-tang clan."

Oh, sorkin.
What do you want?

I was wondering
if you knew anything about this.

It's called a sombrero.

Anything else you need to know
is on telemundo.

Thank you for stopping by.
Have UN bueno dã­a.

Yeah, yeah.
Hold up, hold up.

Somebody smashed
my statue last night,

and I think I know
who it was.

Well, it wasn't a Mexican,
'cause we were up all night

drinking Tequila,
and after the c*ck,

we all fell asleep in the yard
under our hats.

Good-bye.

Look, man, I didn't do it.

Oh, come on. You were
at my house last night.

I know you saw it.

That doesn't mean anything.
Maybe the statue woke up,

realized it was
a r*cist lawn ornament

and smashed itself.

Everyone...
Everyone calm down.

It's not r*cist.
It's a piece of art.

I paid 50 bucks for that,
and you know what?

It was made
by Mexicans in Mexico.

Dude, it's not 1950, okay?

You live in a neighborhood
that's half Mexican-American.

How would you feel
if I had a statue

of a white guy
on my lawn,

accusing people of crimes
they didn't commit?

He'd be like that.

You know what?

I don't care whether
you like my statue or not.

You don't have the right
to smash it,

and that's what
I told the cops.

Hey, I didn't smash it.
Yes, you did. You!

That's the point!
Take a picture.

We'll send it down to Mexico.

We'll get 'em
making statues like that.

Mr. Sorkin, my husband and I are
both hardworking, honest people

who would never, ever destroy
someone else's property.

We don't believe in violence,

and we have nothing to hide
from the police. Good day.

You idiot! Now we have to hide
from the police.

Angie, I told you
I didn't do it.

Why would I lie to you?
I don't know.

Why did my neck turn green
from that gold necklace

you bought me?
It's Peruvian gold.

In Peru, a green neck
is a sign of royalty.

George, just stop lying.

I know
you broke the statue.

Oh, he didn't break it.

How do you know?

'Cause I did.

You see?

You didn't happen to get
a picture of yourself

with that garden gnome,
did you?

What were you thinking?
You're on probation!

You know,
I have taken crap

from people like that
my whole life.

They think Mexicans
are all lazy

or--or they're criminals.

In eighth grade, my teacher
had her wallet stolen,

and my locker was
the first one they searched.

Please tell me
they didn't find it in there.

Hell, no. All they found
was a bottle of scotch,

which I paid for myself
with my babysitting money.

What if someone saw you?

Nobody saw me.

You're the neighborhood watch,

and I had to tell you
that I did it.

Do I want to hear this,
or should I leave now

so I can pass
the lie detector test later?

No, you can stay.

If it has "test"
in the name,

you're probably not
gonna pass it anyway.

Max, your grandmother
did something very wrong.

She went across the street
and broke Mr. Sorkin's statue.

Well, hold on, Angie.
It's not that simple.

Yes, it is.
She broke the law.

Max, your grandma stood up
for something she believed in.

Was it a crime for Rosa Parks

to sit where she wanted
on the bus?

Was it a crime for Cesar Chavez
to protest in the fields?

Was it a crime
for president Nixon

to sneak in a hotel and watch deep throat?
George!

That's not what happened.

I'm pretty sure it was Nixon
at the watercrest motel.

George, you're making
this all sound

like your mom
did a good thing.

It was vandalism.

No, it wasn't.

Angie, look, I've seen my mom
smash a lot of things--

piggy banks, car windows,
my hopes and dreams.

But this time,
it was for justice.

Mom...
I've never said this before.

But I'm proud of you.

Viva la raza!

Weren't you afraid
you'd get busted, grandma?
Hell, no.

Because she was taking care
of business, Max.

Now sorkin knows
we're not gonna take it,

and he's never
gonna mess with us again.

Who's messing with you?

A guy down the street
put up a r*cist statue,

and grandma took it out.

It wasn't a Mexican sleeping
in a sombrero, was it?
Yeah, why? You saw it?

Just a minute ago. He's putting
two of them up now--

one on either side
of the burro.

Well, now
there's a burro.

One more nighttime raid,

and I bet we'd get
the bandido.

This just proves
he's a r*cist,

and he needs
to learn another lesson.

No. Benny already
got lucky once,

and if you go, I swear
by all that is holy,

we will have a fight
that will make every fight

we've ever had seem like
a little chat over tea.

She'll get over it.

I say when she goes to sleep,

we grab a couple of baseball
bats and head over there.

This guy is not gonna win.
I'm coming with you.

Look, I appreciate it, Vic,
but this isn't your fight.

Oh, I understand. Just know
that I share your pain.

The Cuban people
and the Mexican people

have always stood
side by side.

When?

Well... I guess
at your wedding.

That's the only time
I can think of.

Let this be
a lesson to you, Max.

There are certain things
a Lopez man has to do,

no matter
what anyone else says.

Then why don't you
tell mom?

'Cause there are other things
a Lopez man likes to do

and, uh, wants
to keep doing them.

Mom, mom, wake up.

Huh? What the hell
took you so long?

I was giving Angie
a back rub to put her to sleep,

and she started talking to me
about her day

and the next thing
I know, I was out.

You made me wait so long
that I dozed off, too.

George, we had a job to do
and we fell asleep.

We're sleeping Mexicans!

No, we're not.

You see,
this is what racism does.

It makes you feel guilty
about sleeping.

Everybody sleeps.
It's night.

Hey...

What are you doing outside?
You're supposed to be in bed.

Dad, I've gotta
show you something.

It's so cool.
All right. Press play.

Get rid
of the bats! Cops!

Hey, Sanchez.
Come on in.

Hey, George.

Uh, is your son home?

Uh, yeah.
He's upstairs. Why?

Well, I saw him
running down the street,

then I, uh, drove past
sorkin's house.

Somebody smashed
all his statues.

I think it was Max.

Give me a second.

Viva la raza!

Oh, man. You know...

Can you do me a favor
and let me handle this?

I'll make sure
that Max pays for the statues.

Look, George,
you're my friend,

so I'm not
gonna turn him in.

But next time,
I might have to.

There's not gonna be a next
time. I appreciate it, Hector.

All right, you got it.
And don't worry about sorkin.

Apparently, your wife circulated
a pretty strongly worded letter

that she sent to him, and it got
the entire neighborhood

fired up enough
to start a petition.

It's amazing how effective
a letter can be.

Yeah...
You know, that was my idea.

You know, the pen is mightier
than the source.

Officer Sanchez?

If you're here to get my uncle's
blessing to ask me out,

do not bother. Just ask.

I thought you were
dating a fireman.

What is this, your salute
to america's heroes?

Oh, uncle George,
you're so funny. Now be quiet.

I'm free Saturday.
Do you want to go dancing?

Nah, I always feel like
people are judging me.

Hey, let's just
hit a movie.

Okay.
All right.
See you, George.

See you.

Mm.

So you're up late.

Well, Max did something
really stupid,

and it's my fault for setting
a bad example for him.

Oh, really? Yeah. I saw k-fed
getting thrown out of skybar.

Yeah, well...

I guess we both have important
things to think about.

Relax.
Officer Sanchez is gone.

What'd he say?

Max, he saw you running.
He knows you broke the statues.

Am I in trouble?

No, he's gonna let it go.

Yes! We got sorkin!

Max, we didn't get anyone.

When I saw you
in that video,

you looked like
a little thug.

Man, that's not
what I want for you.

But you said there are things
a Lopez man has to do,

and you didn't care
when grandma did it.

Look, have a seat.

I got caught up
in the moment.

I was wrong.

Max, I don't want you doing
anything that grandma does--

smoking, drinking,
identity theft.

She stole someone's identity?

Call her Joey esparza
and see if she turns around.

You were proud of her.

Is that why you did this,

because you thought
I'd be proud of you?

Look, I'm always
gonna be proud of you.

You said I wasn't
helping the cause.

Max, you wanna know
how you help the cause?

You get an education.

You be successful so you can
buy and sell fools like sorkin.

Hey, that's how
you really change things.

W-Wait a minute.

You can't really
buy people, can you?

Like I said, Max,
get an education.