05x10 - George Says I Do ... More in This Marriage

[bunniefuu]

Sleep in heavenly peace.

Amen.

Ok.

George, you have to hear this.

We're hipping up the Christmas music

to attract younger people to the church.

Come on, Angie, I want you guys to be practicing.

I got a lot of work to do.

We've only got one more song.

Hurry up.

I don't need to be listening to that stuff in my own house.

The first Noel.

The angels did say.

Was to certain poor shepherds

In fields as they lay

Break it down, y'all!

In fields as they lay

Keeping their sheep

On a cold winter's night

That was so deep

Where my angels at? Holla, girls!

You have the power to stop this.

Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel

Born in the cuisine

Of his kids

I am

Oh, honey.

So...

What did you think of our new sound, George?

Tell me the truth.

I think it's great, Father.

Forgive me, Father, for I have just lied.

So, we'll rehearse here again next Wednesday, Father.

Do you mind, George?

Father?

I want to do whatever Angie wants to do.

Oh

Thanks for watching!

Say, have you two ever considered doing some marriage counseling?

I don't think so, Father. I think once the kids are out of the house,

we'll find a way to make it work again.

No, no, no. I meant counseling other couples.

Because I think you two have one of the strongest relationships in the congregation.

George, and I would love to help out, Father.

See, you always do this, all right?

Don't just jump at it, Angie.

How much does it pay?

George!

It's only five Mondays, George.

Yeah, I don't think so, Father.

I'm pretty busy at work.

I mean, I know you've taken the vow of poverty,

but I can't wear the same clothes to work every day.

That's too bad, George,

because my sermon this Sunday

was going to be Heroes of the Church.

And I have one more opening.

All right, I'll do it, Father.

But under one condition.

I don't want to sit on the wooden pews.

I like a soft chair with a cup holder like at the movies.

I cannot do that, George.

We'll be there, Father.

You're going to do it again, huh?

Okay, if I can't have the chair,

how about if you put me in the background

of one of the stained glass windows?

how about as a waiter at the last supper but i'm the only one that knows what judas is up to he's

sitting right there and i'm like this okay next topic

Very important.

Dealing with Finance.

We haven't really talked about that.

Well.

It's the number one cause of divorce.

You want to tell them how we share financial responsibility?

Love conquers everything.

I balance the checkbook while George handles our savings.

Yeah, but with all the checks she writes,

I don't have to worry about any savings.

You see, humor is very important in a marriage.

What's going on?

Benny, this is Andrew and Tina.

We're doing premarital counseling for them.

Holy crap.

You're giving marriage advice?

Where are you going after this?

A driving lesson with Stevie Wonder?

Enjoy your smoke, Mother.

How are your relations with your future in-laws?

Both our parents passed away.

Congratulations.

Okay, uh, do you plan on having children?

Yes.

Are you planning on working after having children?

No, I want to stay home and raise kids.

That's.

I did the hardest job you can ever have.

Yeah, it's the hardest job you can ever have.

See, I work in a factory. That's easy.

When my boss is screaming at me, I just put him on my boob to suckle.

It shuts him right up.

That's okay. That's okay. The budget can wait.

I'm not saying what you do isn't hard,

but we agreed that a healthy marriage is a 55th partnership.

Isn't that right?

absolutely that's what you said and that's what i agreed to look you know what your

workbook has more material on finances we should move on to the next topic um which is

intimacy okay i think i got it from here welcome to my schoolhouse where the very best grade you

can get is bad and i mean very bad it's not written right there but just remember i thought

the freaks come out at night george

why don't we talk about this separately huh all right andrew come with me

remember the key to intimacy isn't sex it's about listening to your partner and responding to her

needs the one way to true intimacy is

Look.

Just light candles and hug her when it's over, man.

Let's just watch TV.

Oh, my friend, know the lowrider.

The lowrider is a little higher.

Oh, my friend, know the lowrider.

How do you know if you've really satisfied your wife in bed?

Take it easy, man. Relax, all right? There's books and tapes on this stuff.

Are there any you recommend?

Well, dude, I don't need them because I don't care.

I'm a natural.

Oh, cool.

You got the game on.

Hey, Ernie.

This is Andrew, the guy that's getting married that I told you about.

Oh, congratulations!

So what have you learned so far?

have to talk about finances, humor's important,

and it's a partnership.

You gotta share the work, 50-50.

But you always complain that you do more work like it's 80-20.

Mr. Lopez, you agreed with your wife it was 50-50.

Look, I said what I did in there

because this counseling stuff is like traffic school.

All right.

You just got to get through it.

Lying is part of marriage.

all right and you can trust me on that because i'm a hero of the church

but i thought you were supposed to be completely honest with your wife all the time

I'm sorry, are you the counselor

and I'm the guy that doesn't know how to satisfy his wife?

That was a little harsh.

Look, I can't let you go into this with your eyes closed.

You have unrealistic expectations.

Alright, I love my wife, I respect her, but I do more of the work!

Listen up, rookie. Here's my day, okay?

I'm up at 6. I bring in the paper.

I take out the trash.

Then I go to work for 10 hours

and come home to a list of chores.

Here's my wife's day. She makes a list of chores.

And I don't know what else she does,

but apparently it's just so exhausting.

Man, 80, 20.

I'm-

I'm working overtime as it is, I don't know if I can handle anymore.

Well, you got the rings and the tux.

Maybe you can figure it out as you walk down the aisle.

Can I have a beer?

yeah man they're in the fridge help yourself

You know, it's funny.

I didn't even want to do this counseling stuff,

but I think that I'm really good at it.

See?

Maybe you could help me with my dating problems.

Dude, I just talk to people, but I don't have magical powers.

Tina?

It's over.

Andrew doesn't want to get married.

What?

What happened?

He said he couldn't handle it.



I'm going to be in the garage.

Dream k*ller!

You know, it's actually Dream Weaver, and it's one of my favorites.

It's in the garage.

What is going on?

Andrew said that you told him that your marriage wasn't 50-50.

Then you do all the work and all that she does is.

Make lists of more work for you to do.

George?

Tina.

Do whatever you can to get that man back because he really listens.

Calm Tina down.

She went to find Andrew to work this out.

Why would you tell him all that crap?

I had no idea he was going to call off the wedding.

Congratulations, George.

You have ruined one relationship and severely damaged another.

Which one are we?

Do you really think you do more than me?

Angie, I'm just saying that with my job at the factory and everything I do around the house, I got a lot on my plate.

The only reason there's anything on your plate is because I do all the cooking.

And I drive the kids around, and I clean the house,

and run a business on the side.

I'm not saying that you don't have busy mornings.

Damn it. I work all day.

Sorry, okay, I know, I know.

Sometimes I take for granted everything you do around here.

By the way, what was on Oprah yesterday?

It was about clueless husbands

who don't realize that wives can do housework and watch TV at the same time.

Sounds a little convenient, but okay.

Look, what does it matter who does more, huh?

This isn't a contest, Angie.

We're not keeping score.

All right.

Let's have a contest and keep score.

You don't want to do this, Angie.

Why? Are you afraid when we add it all up, I'll prove I do a lot more than your golf-playing, TV-watching,

cigar-smoking lazy butt?

Okay.

Thank you.

Just like the TV in this house in the afternoon.

It's on!

Whoever loses has to do all the winner's chores for a month.

All right.

We need a point system.

I think work around the house should be worth five points.

Anything with the kids?



Anything having to do with our jobs, five points an hour.

What about all the other stuff that we do for each other?

Like what?

Well, last night I think I earned a good 30 points.

And by the way...

You're welcome.

I'm going to give myself five points for that.

Why should you get the points?

Because I consider that a household chore.

Really?

Because you don't make faces like that when you're folding socks.

What?

I said it's on. It's on!

I thought he liked me.

My locker is right by his.

And we see each other every day.

And then finally I say.

Hi, Tony.

And he says.

hi janet my name is not janet

I don't know.

Sorry.

Boys can be so...

Yeah.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Listening to daughter, 10 point.

what does this mean honey it's nothing it's just something between me and your dad don't worry

about it

Now go clean your room.

I don't know.

Hey.

Where have you guys been?

Dad took me to that new skate park.

It was awesome.

We had the best time, didn't we, son?

I love you. Give me a hug.

Oh, oh, wait a minute.

Here's that candy bar you asked for, honey bear.

I wanted your mom to see this.

Just fed him lunch. Ten more.

A candy bar does not count as lunch.

Well, I don't think that tuna sandwich you made me counted as lunch either.

But I still gave you the points all night.

I was like...

Well, I just listened to Carmen's boy troubles.

That's ten for me.

But just for listening to her troubles? No way!

She's still upset.

You want to go upstairs and help her deal with her feelings?

Take your stinking points.

Hey, where's Max?

I promised him a congolese.

He's inside, Daddy.

Hey, Vic.

Tell me how you learned to play back in Cuba, because...

I'd love to hear that story.

Well, I was six when I learned the rhythm of the island.

An old fisherman who lived down the road in a shack.

¡Pepe de Conguero!

So my hands, they knew that I had the gift.

If we both have to listen to the story, we both get the point.

One day, on Pepper's deathbed.

Yeah, yeah, he died at the end, very sad.

Oh, laundry must be done. Five points for me?

What are these points you two are talking about?

Angie and I are fighting about which one of us does more work around here, so we decided to keep score.

Are you crazy?

This is not a contest you can win.

Thank you.

Actually...

It looks like I can't lose. She's behind 60 points.

No, no, no. Listen to me.

When I was with Emelina...

I always had to be the superior one.

I made her feel like she wasn't important.

And then one day...

She left me for someone who made her feel like she was.

If your Genji's not gonna lead me over this.

I didn't think Amelina was going to leave me either.

When a woman feels unappreciated...

It's the beginning of something more serious.

Look, Angie thinks we do the same amount of work around here and we don't.

So what? Let her think that.

Thanks for watching!

George!

Seems like a small price to pay for a lifetime of happiness.

I guess you're right.

I'd rather make Angie happy than end up sad and lonely like you.

okay it's five o'clock you ready to do this yep i just need to add up my school

Well, it looks like their contest is finally over.

What contest?

Max, haven't you noticed? Mom and Dad are trying to prove who does more so they get points whenever they spend time

with a-

What?

How long has this been going on?

Since you were three,

okay you go first

I had 90 points.

Oh, man, I had 90 points, too.

It's a tie. You were right.

Our marriage is 50-50.

I guess that means that we're both important

and I appreciate you and you can never leave me.

You didn't let me finish.

I had 90 points up until today.

Plus another 30.

That means I have 120 total, which means I kicked your butt.

Oh, yeah.

I work harder than you.

I work harder than you.

I work harder than you.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

But what's important...

is that you feel important.

Oh, no.

What's important is that you...

Start doing my chores.

Get busy, Mrs. Lopez.

Look, I won, damn it!

Sure you did.

I said we tried to protect our marriage, but...

I don't care about our marriage anymore. I won.

Oh, yeah?

Prove it.

What?

It's right here. I just need some tape in a couple hours.

I wouldn't take too long with that.

You've got to get dinner started.

Look, Angie, who cares about who won or who lost, huh?

I gotta admit something to you.

All that stuff that you do around here.

especially the stuff with the kids.

I didn't realize it was so hard.

I should have never taken you for granted.

I love you.

So much.

Come on.

Honey.

Nice try.

Now I've got a game to watch.

Wear something sexy when you vacuum.

I can't, those bicycle shorts wore out, the string came out and when I pedaled it...

You're not done ironing my shirts yet?

not now my girl's on

who are you talking about

Oprah

She found this woman who was chained in the basement for eight years,

and now she's paying her way through law school.

And I'm pretty sure everyone in the audience is getting scooters,

but they don't know it.

Well, my meeting's gonna run late tonight, so I don't think I'll be home for dinner.

George.

Something wrong?

Is there something wrong?

My hair.

I got a cut two days ago. You haven't said a word.

I don't know why I tried.

I'm sorry. I've just been so busy.

Just go.

OK.

Please.