05x03 - George's Dog Days of Bummer

[bunniefuu]

I

Don't want to get gardening stuff with you anymore, honey, you're overreacting

That old white lady thought we were two laborers

you picked up off the street.

Yeah, she even offered me a hundred bucks

to clean her gutters, but I said no.

Well, I took a $20 deposit,

so you'll be there Tuesday morning.

No, not here. I need the soil by the pot.

No, pero, lady, it's too hot.

My skin is burning. Necesito un poquito agua, lemonade.

I wanna play video games.

But Grandma's still asleep on the couch.

I thought when Grandma moved in, she was going to get her own room.

She's still asleep? It's after 3 o'clock.

Just tired of getting up.

We did, but she didn't even move.

Maybe she's not asleep.

I'll get the champagne.

George!

The kids!

They can have some, too. Good for all of us.

Mom?

Mom!

Okay.

I just took CPR and PE.

We're supposed to.

pull her tongue out, and scoop any vomit from her airway.

We did everything we could.

I'm calling it. Ten after three.

Benny, wake up!

Why don't we just let her sleep it off, okay?

Let's go.

Dude.

I don't know.

I know how to wake her up.

put her hand in warm water

what are you 10

Carry the couch down the block.

put it by the train tracks, and let Amtrak wicker a*s up.

I can't breathe. I can't breathe!

Ready?

I got it.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

It's like this trying to poke through my tummy.

You just ruined our couch.

Was that joke worth a thousand dollars to you?

No.

Now it is!

Penny, you all right?

You want some aspirin for your hangover?

I didn't drink last night.

So why'd you sleep all day?

Why not?

Well, can I make you something to eat?

I'm not quite ready to die.

But I'll let you know

Takk for at du så med.

Thanks for watching!

Something's wrong with your mom.

She wasn't hungover. She just slept all day.

And now.

She's not even hungry.

So.

So I think finally sunk in that our house burned down and she lost every

I think she's clinically depressed.

You know, I'd say that that sounds silly, but.

You're a wedding planner, so you must know these things.

I know what depression is like because I've gone through it.

Get a win!

After Carmen was born.

What are you talking about? After Carmen was born, everything was great.

I barely said a word for two months.

All right.

That was hard on us.

You should check on her.

Look, Angie, she's down because life's kicked the crap out of her.

She doesn't have depression. That's a rich person's disease.

Tiffany, your nanny, says you're depressed.

Now, let's go out in the yard and talk about it on the Ferris wheel, shall we?

Just talk to her.

Teksting av Nicolai Winther

Hey, Mom.

Are you clinically depressed or what?

¡No!

Hey, where's the sports section?

Oh, Ernie took it with him.

That's what you were like right after Carmen was born.

you

Thanks for watching!

I just made you some lunch.

I know.

What are you looking at, Mom? The TV's not on.

are you watching that gorilla on the screen because that's just your reflection

come on mom snap out of it i just insulted you you got nothing

You know, I ran out of shampoo this morning.

There was a new bottle.

that's one big head

I can't control my kids, my daughter's wearing a thong, and my son might be, too.

Have you seen his hair?

My wife's a lazy princess.

What?

Uh-oh.

she's gonna yell at me she looks mad and i'm gonna take it because i'm whipped

Can I talk to you in the kitchen?

What choice do I have? You run everything around here.

I can't do nothing, so I guess like I'm neutered in my mind.

George!

Man, she's really out of it. I've never seen her like this.

I went online and looked up clinical depression.

Come here.

Scroll down. Your mom has.

All the Simpsons.

Giant limbs and scrotums?

No, you went too far. That's elephantitis.

Scroll back up to the D.

And how does that guy buy underwear?

George!

This is serious. Your mom needs professional help.

My mom's not going to see a shrink.

She'll snap out of this on her own.

Until then, I think we should just enjoy the quiet

and treat her like a throw pillow that cries.

Thank you.

Hey, Jack, come on in.

Hey, George.

Hey, Angie.

Gee, I hope I'm not intruding, but I...

Well, I just wanted to see your mom.

Oh, that's so sweet of you.

Yeah, the rumor mill at work says she's gone crazy.

that she's yelling at lamps and eating out of garbage cans

I kind of wanted to see that.

She's just a little down, that's all.

You know how rumors can get out of control.

So where is your mom?

She's in the living room.

Mom.

Jack's here.

You know, George, this is sad, crazy.

I was hoping.

Funny.

How is she?

The same.

Look.

George, we all love you.

Let's go.

She's missed two weeks of work already.

It's used of all of our personal days, all of our vacation days.

Mel and I have been very generous so far.

What are you saying, Jack?

I got a company to run.

Somebody's got to inspect parts.

If she's not back in by Monday,

I'm going to have to repeat.

You can't fire her without a written warning.

Check the card and the flowers.

Thank you for watching.

Benny's already depressed.

If she loses her job, what's going to happen to her?

I'll tell you what's going to happen.

She'll never leave.

she'll sleep on that couch till she dies

People can't live without hope.

You think she's that far gone?

I'm talking about me.

I got to get her back to work on Monday.

If she's not going to see a therapist, there's no way she's going to be in shape to go back to work in two days.

So we'll fix it ourselves.

Because that's what Lopez's do.

Watch out, we heal our own.

Remember when my aunt died,

my Uncle Oscar was so depressed

he wouldn't leave the house?

We went over there, threw him a party, cheered him right up.

He's a homeless alcoholic now.

Yeah, but he's out of the house.

We don't even know where he is.

That's how good he's doing.

Hey mom, you know when you're going through tough times it helps to be around loved ones.

Ernie and I bumped into some of yours at the liquor store.

Jack, Jim, Johnny, the captain.

me think she'll be sure not now

i don't feel like

Oh, shiver me timbers!

All right, that's enough.

All right, I'll be quitting then.

Kids, are you ready yet?

Benny, the kids put together a show for you.

Grandma?

We know that you think this is a bad time, but we want to show you that you can overcome any obstacle because you've

done it.

So sit back and enjoy.

BENNY LOPEZ!

An American tragedy.

where's that stupid pirate with the booze

people say you were abused as a child

Sorry I'm late, Dad!

That's not good enough!

But you didn't give up.

You survived.

You got pregnant at 16 and dropped out of school.

Gah!

Manny, look at the head on our kid!

Manny?

But

was gone.

Your husband ran away and became a millionaire.

I didn't see that coming.

But how much more is there?

There's a daughter she gave away in the time she got gonorrhea.

Well, kids, you've done a great job.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, kids.

Nice.

Anybody else want to pile on?

Mom, we're just trying to cheer you up.

Maybe you and Angie should go out for that day of beauty you keep talking about.

Just got back.

You don't have to tell me

Look at you, you're glowing

Mom, Jack came by and said

If you don't go to work on Monday

You're going to lose your job.

I already lost my house.

car

My life savings, my dog.

Think I care if I lose my job?

What is she talking about? She doesn't have a dog.

she's probably talking about my cloud

It was McCloud.

Oh, he's a stray your mom took in.

My dad saw her feeding the table scraps.

That dog's probably the closest thing she ever came to loving something.

I'm sorry dude

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

I hope he didn't die in the fire.

No, I saw him in the alley just the other day.

He probably ran away when her house burned down.

If something she-

about survive the fire that may be just the thing she needs to pull her out of her depression

That's it.

I gotta find McCloud.

And you know what? Statistically, people who have pets live longer.

I think I still have to find the dog.

CLOUD?

CLOUD?

I know I saw him around here.

And they're looking for hours.

Oh, hey, there he is.

That's McCloud.

Okay.

I'll distract them with the bologna.

Well, you get them on the leash.

Why didn't you tell me that was the plan?

I'm telling you now, give me the baloney.

No!

Ernie, where's the bologna?

What the hell did you eat?

What did you think the bologna was for?

For coming with you!

All right.

Just keep an eye out for me.

Get the leash on him.

McCloud?

Hey, boy.

All right, let's just get him and go.

Don't panic.

Don't panic.

What the hell are you doing with my dog?

Que? No hablo ingles.

You! What the hell is going on here?

I'm Antonio Villaraigosa, the new mayor.

I've decided to meet my constituents

because I believe together,

we can make this a better Los Angeles.

Thank you.

Come on, Felipe, we have a photo op in Koreatown.

Who are you?

George Lopez, my mom's the one whose house burned down.

So you're the loser's son she's always complaining about.

She talks about me.

Look, here's the thing.

This was her dog.

She's really depressed, and if I take it back to her, it'll cheer her up.

I get it. My mom was real depressed when she stabbed my dad and he just wouldn't die.

Yeah, thanks, man. I'm glad you get this.

So it'll be $500 for the dog.

Well, I'll give you a hundred.

Hey, this is about your mom's happiness.

Think about how much that's worth to you.



How about $200 and let you walk out of the yard with your teeth?

Oh, it's like that.

Deal.

Did you find your dog?

Yep, and we got him tied up in the living room right now.

Hey, Mom!

Got a furry little friend in there that's going to cheer you up.

How is the Greek guy from the gas station going to cheer me on?

Oh, we found McCloud.

Don't mess me. I'm not in the mood.

I'm serious. I found him at a biker's house down the street.

But Cloud's alive!

And he's in the living room right now.

Oh!

Oh

brought that dog inside yeah we tied him to the banister what's the matter isn't he house trained

He gets a little squirrely when he's cooped up.

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

Ah!

Bannister looks okay.

My couch!

The lamp, the pillows, George, do something!

Whoa, feet on my leg? Let them fill up on the pillow!

Show them who the alpha dog is!

All right.

McCloud!

Bad dog! Bad!

I win!

You dog, I stare!

Wait!

God, that was close.

Wait, where's Benny?

Who cares?

Thank you for watching.

That's okay, boy.

Here, come on.

Mommy thought the couch was ugly, too.

Damn!

Thank you for watching.

It doesn't get any better than that!

I haven't seen you so scared!

Since that Halloween, you know, when I chased you around the house with a knife.

Well, that would have been funny on Halloween, but it was Easter.

Benny, this is not funny.

No.

It's not.

and that makes it funnier to me.

Wait a minute!

You're drinking a beer? You're laughing at people's misery?

Mom, you're back!

No. No, I'm not back.

I just got a good laugh out of you running out of there like a wuss.

you know i'm glad you're not going to work on monday

I don't need all my employees hearing about how I got chased out of my house by a dog.

You know, since you've been gone, I've been getting some respect around there.

Well, that ends tomorrow.

Because I'm gonna go back to work and I'm gonna tell everybody how my little girl...

was running out of the house because she was being chased by a teacup poodle!

That dog's a 100-pound k*ller!

Not in my story.

It's you!

That's right, I'm Antonio Villaraigosa.

I decided to meet all our constituents

because I believe that together

we can make this a better Los Angeles.

Wow, you really do that!

No, but I heard you were impersonating me

and knock it off or we won't pick up your trash again.

Oh, hey, Mayor, before you go, let me ask you...

How tough would it be to declare, like, George Lopez Day?

I don't need much, like a statue in the park like that.

Hello.

I've got a better idea.

Why don't we concentrate on fixing our schools?

and making our streets safer for all of us.

Never do nothing in my house.