02x02 - La Bomba

[bunniefuu]

Yesterday they struck again.

Unidentified persons
broke into the stable

of breeder Erich Holzer in Bratsch

and stole a black-necked goat.

The incident's one
in a string of mysterious thefts

previously unseen in the Valais.

The cantonal police has been

investigating since
last week and hopes

that witnesses will come forward.

And now, the latest sports news:

All my life I dreamed of

being part of the Edelweiss team.

They only accept
the best of the best.

But right then I realised

that I was now on the other side
of the g*n barrel.

Jesus Christ!

How does this damn thing work?

Can someone show me?

f*ck,

Pirmin, pick up!

Bax, we know you're in there.

You're surrounded.
If you co-operate now,

it'll be to your benefit
before the judge.

Delta here, target in sight.
Can we hit?

Negative, we're awaiting confirmation.

- We're ready.
- Thanks.

Damn it, Bax.

I can't believe
I have to go through this

so shortly before my retirement...

I know, I used to say

that you’re
my little Tomba la Bomba.

And now you want it your way again.

But not this time!

I don't know if you
remember Alberto Tomba.

Sometimes he stood
half-smashed at the starting gate,

his face battered
from the evening before.

The more hopeless
his situation seemed,

the faster he made it to the finish.

I have exactly the same talent.

Bax, come out now!

I'm sure we can clear up
this misunderstanding.

We have to go in.

Hit.

- Hit.
- Go, Go, Go…

- The Delta boys are covering.
- Kitchen?

- Bathroom?
- All clear.

The kitchen's empty.

Nobody here.
Negative.

- Hey Dani, anything happening?
- Negative, no contact.

- Damn, nobody here.
- The target's gone.

Everybody listen up.

We leave this to forensics

and discuss the further
steps at the station.

Boris, Clara, I'm in your car.

Bax?

Frängi?

Yup, it's me.
And this is my left.

Frängi, f*ck. I give up. Let me out.

Bax, I could never stand you.

But that you didn't grass
on me to the Fedpol chick

was noble of you.

I was sh**ting up some trees
in the Pfyn forest,

but the station has
nothing to do with that.

But now we'll have a fair fight.

And we'll see
who makes it to the front page.

OK. Frängi, can you
tell Gerda that I...

Frängi?

Hello?

Little tiger, it's gonna be alright.

It's great that you
can help us out a bit.

It's only temporary.

I'll introduce you to my teaching
colleagues during the break.

They're really happy
to get to know you.

Chin up, darling.

Man, how long is this going to take?

Patrizia, it takes
as long as it takes.

It's his first day at work
and he's not the brightest.

Stop it! That's not a service g*n.

It's held quite differently.

Pay attention. Mr Lötscher?

Yes.

It's important
that the angle's right.

Else it can't read the barcode.
It's a precision device.

I'll show you again.

See? It works much better like this.

Before I joined the police,

I put all my eggs
in one basket: music.

I used all my money
and my brother's savings account

on this tour bus.

Me and my lads used to
party here all night long.

We dreamt of making it really big.

Here we sweated, crapped,
sang and danced together.

Reto left his girlfriend.

Meisi quit his butcher's apprenticeship.

We were ready to tour
the world in this bus.

But when child services found out

that Rudolf,
our guitarist, was only 10,

they cancelled our
entire Radioactive tour.

Not just me, but all our fans
were devastated.

Well?

Is this OK?

You took the picture
with this camera?

Yes.

So how will you send it by mobile?

- Do you have a USB cable?
- No, I don't have a USB cable.

I'm not the one with
the shitty old camera.

I take my pics with my phone.

The quality is ten times better
than the shitty pics you just took.

I can just photograph
the screen with my phone.

I don't care how you do it,

we just gotta send it now.

Find out where to get feed.

Can't let that animal starve.

What? You can't give her feed!

You idiot! I mean the goat!

Oh. And what are we giving her?

Look, if everything works out

and we get the key for the cop b*tch

we'll be rid of her
before she feels peckish.

- Anything else?
- No.

- Well, then...
- OK.

BRING US THE KEY AT ONCE OR YOUR
GIRLFRIEND'S DEAD! NO POLICE!!

A, B, C, D, E, F, G,
H, I, L, M, K...

Great, you're
getting there, Mr Lötscher.

Practice makes perfect.

Pst... Hey, Pirmin.

- It's me.
- Jesus Christ.

- Bax, what are you doing here?
- And what are you doing here?

In a f*cking school library?

I was suspended and sentenced
to do community service.

All because of you.

The Edelweiss team stormed my flat

and I don't even know why.

Chillwave.

Butterfly's in mortal danger.

We have to get him
out of the hospital.

We'll be celebrated as heroes and...

f*ck this wig.

...save the Valais.
You wanna bet on it?

Pirmin knew very well
that I only bet when I know I'll win.

A coupe Denmark.

Fine... Except for that one time.

Bax! Bax! Bax!

I had the flu then
and was out of shape.

Take him to 313. C'mon!

Everything in order, gentlemen?

Yes, the gentleman's just leaving.
We don't have what he's looking for.

Did you check on the computer?

That's not necessary.

20, 40, 50. You can give me
the rest as well.

If you go crying to your mum,

I'll tell her
you've been taking snus.

Yo, Lord Voldemort!

Got some weed?

What do you want?

Some weed.

Hi there.

May I see your taser?

Of course not. That's not for kids.

My uncle's also in security.

I bet he can draw his taser
way faster than you.

Know what? Watch closely.

Where's the weed?

I know, some of you won't like this,

but in a situation like this
you have to accept collateral damage.

Buzz off.

If it's CBD, I'll f*ck you up.

And I had unfinished business
with the child services anyways.

"The Case of the Mysterious Mummy"?
That's a good choice.

Hey.

Are you still here?

I found Fricker
half dead in his villa.

Gut-shot. Looked like
a slaughterhouse. f*cking mess.

Know what? Go ahead to the counter.
I'll be there in a minute.

Bye.

Tell me where Bax is.

How should I know?

We both know

that Bax is onto something
and needs our help.

I'm done with this.

Hey, Butterfly. Wake up!

- Nurse! Help!
- Shush! No!

It's me, Bax.

I promised you:

"I don't f*cking leave
one behind mine."

I'm getting you outta here.

C'mon, get dressed.

Maybe it's really better that you
continue sorting children's books

and Bax is left
to face this on his own.

You always said:

"A good cop must go
beyond his limits now and then."

Seems I was mistaken.

Wait.

There's something I should show you.

Then the Italians suddenly
pointed their g*ns at us and...

What should I have done?
I drew Patty Schnyder and...

I'm sorry.

I told you I had
little experience with g*ns...

No, Butterfly.

Listen.

I am sorry.

I just saw too much in you.

Too much talent. Although
you're in fact a hopeless case.

Now lots of people have to live
with the consequences.

Pirmin works at the school library

and there's a warrant on me.

The most wanted man in Switzerland.

Just because I wanted to help you.

Help me? I almost died.

I might never be able
to walk properly again!

Chillwave. Don't get emotional.

It's important to stay factual
at a debriefing.

It's about facts.

Now, let's shake off
everything negative

and focus on the positive.

So, what do we have?

A hot lead: the ginger's
registration number.

We'll put that through Sirio
to find out the places

the ginger went
with the pickup truck.

Sirio; The Valais number plate
registration system.

Ever since Frängi
used it to spy on his ex,

only one person can access it.

- Ida?
- Exactly.

That's where you come into play.

You return to the police station.

Maybe take a shower first

and put on something nice.

Then I want you to ask
Ida out to dinner, at de Courten's.

After the 2nd or 3rd course,
one thing leads to another.

You get a little closer,

look at her with those
big blue eyes...

And... What happens, happens.

I should prost*tute myself?

No! Well...

You're insane.

Butterfly, this is part of our job.

Butterfly, don't make such a fuss!

You'll get to
have sex for a change...

James Bond does this all the time!

So sleep with Ida yourself!

My grandpa wasn't only a fisherman

but also a damn good dancer.

And when he hooked up
with Ida's mum during the polonaise,

Little Ida was born 9 months later,

even though Bruno
was in the army the whole time.

No. Look, I need your help.

What else are you going to do?

Change printer cartridges
at the police station?

Yes. Changing printer cartridges
sounds fine.

Printer cartridges...

That's the solution!

We'll go via the printer.

I want the key back.

We're not a pawn shop.

But it's urgent.

After the story
you told us last time?

The evidence room's
a good place for it, don't you think?

Anything else?

Actually, yes.

Yesterday I saw a film
in which a woman was kidnapped.

I want to ask

what the police recommends
in such a case.

Especially when they say
not to contact the police.

In reality the hostage usually dies.

Or the one who tries to save them.

I need more of those cables,
then we can solder it.

Yes, take this too.

What about this?

A tripod, excellent.

Nice.

We followed them
all the way up the hill.

There were 30 or 40 people
in weird robes.

They kept saying "Ararat".

Then they k*lled the ginger

because he hadn't
gotten them some key.

"Ararat"? Isn't that the
kebab shop in Siders?

Could be.

It was right here.

315?

That's Patrick's
room number at the hospital.

Are you thinking the same as me?

Yes, but the kebab shop's
already closed.

No. Patrick's room number
on a police ticket?

So you think

someone from the station's
involved in this?

Stop!

What are they doing here?

What kind of animals are they?

That's a black-necked goat

and those are blacknose sheep.

And look here...

A Saaser mountain stirk,
there aren't many left.

I've seen this one.

That's the cow that was stolen
from Rüedi Martig.

I had to look for it with Peter.

f*ck, someone's still here.

Peter?

Whatever. Come on,
we gotta do this!

But it doesn't work from here.

We gotta get much closer.

I can't get closer.

- I have to stay in the dark.
- No chance.

No signal here.

- A bit more.
- No, see the mirror?

- You have about a meter left.
- No, where?

I'm practically stuck to the wall.

OK, we can try.

Doesn't look bad.

Let's try.

Woah, dude.
Where did you learn all this?

It's better if you don't know.

No...

f*ck!

Not enough. We gotta push
this pile of junk to it's limit.

Go ahead.

We're not doing this for fun.

I hope this stuff
won't blow up in our faces.

Yes!

I think it's working.

We just gotta install
the brute force programme

on the printer.

Then we'll have access
to Ida's computer.

We're in.

- Give me the registration number.
- OK, one sec...

ZH689535.

Done. Now we have
all the coordinates.

Good job, man.

Now we'll leave as
quietly as we came, OK?

f*ck!

If you want to know what Diego said
about the hole in the evidence room,

why this guy has a sock in his mouth,

how I followed the GPS data

and how Ms Brotz suddenly hit on me,

how Pirmin did at bowling

and what my brother saw
during the ultrasound,

how to best shave your legs

and what other use
a nail file can have,

then join us for the next episode of
TSCHUGGER.