04x17 - George Buys a Vow

[bunniefuu]

The Hudson inn
had a cancelation,

and we can renew
our wedding vows April 20th.

No, Angie.
You know it's tax time.

I don't think the IRS
would appreciate

somebody on a payment plan
throwing a huge wedding.

We're on
a payment plan?

You said, "do the taxes."
I did the taxes.

How much do we owe?

Not much.

But for a very long time.

Okay, then,
how about may?

The botanical gardens
has an opening.

I think
it would be so beautiful

if we got remarried
surrounded by flowers.

You know my mom's
allergic to bees.

So? We renew our love.

Your mom gets stung
and her throat closes up.

It's a perfect day for me.

Why is your boss outside
with a bottle of champagne?

Hey.

Jack!
What are you doing here?

I got great news.

The judge bought
your cold-medicine story,

and you got out
of your d.U.I.?

I wish.
I had to walk over here.

I'm in love.

I met the woman of my dreams,
and I'm getting married.

Jack, that's great!

Yeah, congratulations.

Angie, I want you
to plan the wedding.

Me? Really?
I'm honored.

That's terrific.
You got two weeks.

Is that how long it takes
the boat to get here

from the Philippines?

Jack, I don't know
if that's enough time

to put together
a wedding.

My fiancã©e's mom is sick.
She doesn't have a lot of time.

We want her to be there,
so, please.

Okay, Jack.

For you, I will throw
a wonderful wedding.

But I'm getting
pretty busy

now that I'm listed first
in the phone book.

Thank you for choosing
aaaaangie's weddings.

Am I tired of hearing that?
I aaaaam!

Come on, Jack,
let's celebrate outside.

If you want me,
I'll be ooooout here.

What do you think?

She has no idea
we just set her up

to plan her own
wedding-vow renewal.

What's the next step?

I'll find out
everything Angie likes,

then you ask for it
like it's for your own wedding.

That way, I'll surprise her
with the ceremony of her dreams.

George, I've lied
to my share of women --

never to do
something nice.

"Yeah, I am
a billionaire."

"If that camera was running,
the red light would be on."

"Afterwards, I'll take you
to dinner anyplace you want."

I just want to thank you
for helping me.

After the wedding,
let me take you to dinner

anyplace you want.

Nice.

I could so
get you into bed.

* all my friends
know the low rider *

You wanted to see me?

Here's a list of stuff
Angie wants for the ceremony.

When you
come over tonight,

just pretend this
is the stuff you want.

Calla lilies, candles --
that sounds romantic.

Wait till the ceremony,
when we kiss,

we finally say "I do,"
and the band plays our song.

Uh, you sure you two want
to rush into this marriage?

You want to
explain this?

Okay, mom,
if I tell you something,

do you promise to keep
your mouth shut about it?

Well, let's see, George.

For 30 years, I had you
thinking your dad was dead.

So I guess I can handle

whatever this tea-party secret
of yours is.

Angie thinks
she's planning Jack's wedding,

but it's really
our vow renewal.

I cannot believe
you are remarrying your wife!

Why don't you just give Angie
all of your money

and cut off your manhood
in shame?

Because I'm not
one of your dates, mom.

George, what's Angie
doing here?

She wants to go over
some wedding details.

Not here -- I don't want
the people in the office

to know I'm getting married.

But that's our cover.

For your wife --
not the people at work.

Look, George, there's
a special lady on the floor

who will be very surprised

to learn that
jackhammer's off the market.

Jackhammer...

You're serious.

Lucky lady.

Let's get Angie.
We'll keep this on the down low.

Ernie:
Guess what, everybody?!

Jack's getting married!

Angie just told me
the great news.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

I just couldn't give you
that raise.

Why don't we talk
in the office, Angie.

Oh, come on, shorty.
I'm still your boo.

I was on my way to the florist,
and I realized --

I don't know what flowers
Jack's fiancã©e likes.

I don't know
anything about her.

What's her name?

Oh, it's --
it's a beautiful name.

It's, uh...

Dell.

Dell?

Yeah, like the actress --
della Reese.

What's her last name?

La Reese. La Reese.

Isn't that weird?

Can I have Dell's number?

No, she's really busy.

If you have any questions,
just ask Jack.

He knows everything
she wants.

Oh, okay.

Well, what kind of flowers
does she like?

She likes calla lilies
and candles

and a band to play our song
after we kiss.

Live music is gonna be
more expensive than a deejay.

I'm in love.
Money's no object.

Get a 20-piece orchestra.

And doves --
lots of doves.

Well, if I know Dell la Reese --
and I do --

she'll be happy
with just a small band

and whatever local birds
happen to be flying by.

I can't plan a wedding
until I talk to the bride.

Can you and Dell come over
tomorrow around 7:00?

I...

Yeah, Jack,
bring her around 7:00.

Well, I-I don't know
where she is right now.

You can make some calls, man,
and find her.

That reminds me --

I gotta pick up
a case of that scotch

she likes to drink
while she's watching boxing.

She also likes cigars.

Tell her not to push it.

You know, the place
Jack's getting married

has an opening
six weeks later.

It would be perfect
for our vow renewal.

It overlooks the ocean
in Malibu.

It's so beautiful.
What do you think?

Yeah, that sounds like
a good idea, Angie.

Waiters carrying trays
of shrimp c*ck,

fighting off hundreds
of starving sea gulls.

"Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. and Mrs. George --"

ow! Eeh, eeh, eeh!

Oh, my god -- my eyes!

The sea gulls have
carried off the bride!

Why don't you just
have the guts to say

you don't want
to remarry me.

Angie, that's not true.

Yes, it is.

And you sh**t down
every one of my ideas.

Why does it have to be
everything you want?

It's always
what the women want.

I assumed you weren't
interested in all the details.

Why would you assume that?

Every time I ask you
a question, you roll your eyes.

Because I was thinking.
Ask me a question.

Do you want the invitations
on vellum or parchment?

Parchment. You see?
You had to wait for it!

I'm sorry.
I didn't know.

Do you want to help me
plan this?

I've got a better idea.

Since I asked you
to remarry me,

let me plan
the whole thing!

Honey,
t-that's a lot of work.

You mean "a lot of work
for a man."

Ha!
Just say it.

All I am to you
is a paycheck

and a guy who goes downstairs
every time you hear a noise.

By the way,
every time you scream out

"careful, George,
you don't have a g*n,"

you give the edge
to the crackhead.

All right.

If you want to do this,
you can do this.

Just promise me
it'll be romantic.

Angie, please.

I got this!

Wait till you see what I got
planned for Valentine's day.

That was last week. That's why
I took you out to dinner.

Baby, thank you.
That was so nice.

You just plan
Jack's perfect wedding,

and let me take care
of our perfect wedding.

Okay. Bye.

Hello.

George, I got an idea
about the fake bride.

No masseuses or hookers.

Okay, still looking.

Please tell me
you found a fake wife.

She's 80?

How bad was the stroke?

She's supposed to taste cake.
Will it stay in her mouth?

I'll stall Angie
till tomorrow,

but you better
find someone else.

If mom's planning
her real ceremony,

why are we cooking sloppy Joes
for a fake one?

Because the crappier
mom thinks our wedding is,

the better the surprise will be
when she sees the real thing.

So it's like our college fund
you always joke you've spent,

but when the time comes,
it'll really be there.

I don't want
to ruin the surprise.

You kids, go upstairs
and study now -- or not.

Okay, my dad's bringing
the rest of the cakes

for Dell to taste.

I'm glad I'm finally
gonna meet her.

We have so many
decisions to make.

Actually, Dell can't make it.
She has to work.

What? The wedding's in a week.
Can't she get off one night?

Uh...

She's a nurse...
For sick babies.

Really sick babies --

they're like --

I guess she could
stick them in a pile

so she could come
taste some cake.

Selfish sick baby-hater.

I'm sorry. It's just this
wedding is coming up fast.

I'll talk to Jack, and maybe
Dell can get off work tomorrow.

Sit down. I want you to taste
something for our ceremony.

I present...

Our first course.

Sloppy Joes?

No, Angie.

With buns this firm and tasty,
those are sloppy georges!

You can't serve sloppy Joes
at our reception.

All our guests
are gonna be dressed up.

All our guests
are gonna be wearing

Hawaiian shirts and shorts,

because we're having
a beach wedding!

You booked
the place in Malibu?!

Better -- I got the shriners
to give me their parking lot.

I'm getting
a truckload of sand.

It's gonna be tropical.

This is almost as bad

as the Mexican theme
of the first wedding.

That wasn't a theme.
That was my family.

Sweetheart, this isn't
exactly what I had in mind.

I know, Angie,
but I'm so excited.

I can't wait to marry you again.
I love you.

Oh...

I guess...If you're happy,
then I'm happy.

Great. I need your help
picking a wedding singer.

I called an agency.
They're gonna send people over.

Are they at least
gonna sing our song?

Of course, baby.
It's gonna be beautiful.

Hello?

* my love

* there's only you in my life

* the only thing that's bright

pick it up.
We have a show in April.

* my first love

* you're every breath I take

* every step I make

* and I

I'm kind of hungry.

* no one else
would tell about your eyes *

* your eyes
tell me how much you care *

* they tell me how much

I want more.

* you'll always be

* my endless love

* I took one look at you

* and every dream came true

* I could be crazy,
but I'm not *

* a lovely melody

* that stirs inside of me

* this kind of crazy
hits the spot *

this isn't
"endless love."

Who cares, Angie?
It's magic!

Clay aiken, my a*s!

* heaven knows
my heart's on fire *

* my first love

* you are every breath
that I take *

he's, like, a huge star
in France.

* i-i-i-i

* I want to share

* all my love with you

* no one else will do

* and your eyes

* your eyes, your eyes

* they tell me
how much you care *

it's like kiss.

They're minikiss, Angie.
They're travel-size.

* you will always be

* my endless love

* two hearts

* two hearts that beat as one

* our lives have just begun

* forever

* I'll hold you close
in my arms *

* I can't resist your charms

* and yes

* I'll be a fool for you

* I'm sure

boom, boom, boom, boom.

* in your eyes

* I can do anything
'cause I know *

boom, boom, boom, boom.

Boom, boom, boom, boom.

* in your eyes

* I can do anything

* 'cause I know that I'm happy

* 'cause it's my anniversary
today *

* in your eyes

She's good -- but keep in mind,
if we book her,

we're gonna have to pay
through the nose!

Thanks for coming!

Whew!
Hard to choose, huh?

Yeah.

If you can't decide,

I could bring them all back,
and they could sing again.

Just tell rip Taylor
he's got the gig.

Jack, where's your bride?
You were gonna pick her up.

A little problem.

You said your cousin
would do it for $200.

When she found out
we might have to kiss

to make it seem real,
she freaked out.

Apparently,
it was fine when we were 13,

but now that she's married
and got kids, it's sick.

Angie's gonna be here
any second. I'm screwed.

Maybe I could get
one of the workers.

Angie knows all of them.
What about one of the temps?

That's a good idea.

She's here.
Hurry, hurry, hurry.

What do I say
to the temp?

Offer her $200 to be
your wife for the night.

But don't make it
sound creepy.

Hi, honey.

We could take one car
to the location in Malibu.

Is Dell here yet?

Yeah, she's here. She must
have snuck off with Jack.

Those lovebirds -- they can't
keep their hands off each other.

Angie, meet
my lovely fiancã©e, Dell.

What a...

What's up?

It's nice
to finally meet you.

Ow!

I'm sorry we're late.
I went looking for Dell.

I found her
by the loading dock.

So, why don't we see
that wedding site?

Whatever.

Okay, honey.

What did I say
about the touching?

Traditional gal --
whoo!

No touching until
the wedding night.

Did you just
call me "gal?"

Why don't we take
two cars.

That okay with you, dude?
Go, go, go.

That was a good idea.
Malibu is beautiful.

Oh, I know.

That's actually where I wanted
to get married.

Honey, you're not
the only Princess

who's having a special day.

What?
You weren't eating it.

Dell, I see you like that cake.
Is that your favorite?

I don't know.
Which one do you like?

Well, the lemon's my favorite,
but the chocolate --

lemon, it is.
Let's keep this moving.

Sugar and spice
and everything nice.

You hooked a good one, Jack.
What's next?

Well, if you're gonna
have a priest,

I need to know if you're
writing your own vows.

Keep in mind, it's a way
to personalize the ceremony

and say exactly what
you feel about each other.

Or you could just say
"I do."

Why don't we
call it a night.

If I have any more questions,
I'll call you tomorrow.

Fine by me.

Good night, Jack.
Nice to meet you, Dell.

This is a huge mistake.
They shouldn't get married.

There's no chemistry.

They barely even
know each other.

You're a wedding planner.
Just do the wedding.

You've known Jack
for 15 years.

This woman is completely
wrong for him.

You're quiet for two hours

after watching
"beauty and the beast,"

yet when it happens in your
kitchen, you don't believe it.

George, this is not
just a paycheck for me.

I like to make
people's dreams come true.

If they're not in love,
I don't want to marry them.

What's love got to do
with marriage, anyway?

Hear me out.

What about India, huh?

Every marriage is arranged --
not one person in love.

And yet they have a billion
people, so it's working.

It also proves that
you can have sex without love.

But I'm not ready
to have that argument yet.

I'm still putting together
all the evidence.

George, I'm not
changing my mind.

It would be a huge mistake.
I'm not doing this wedding.

Hey, you won't believe this.
Jack is in the driveway.

He's having a fight with
some dude on a motorcycle.

Not now, mom.

Okay, okay, but he is getting
his a*s kicked.

Angie, I don't think
you understand.

This is my boss.
You can't back out now.

Okay, fine.
I'll do it for your boss.

But I am really
disappointed in you.

What are you talking about?

You're just doing this
to keep Jack happy.

You don't care
if he's in love.

You don't have
a romantic bone in your body.

I'm romantic!

Who put on mood music
last time we made love?

You put on cartoons.

I didn't hear you
complaining.

Boop!

And neither are sloppy Joes,
Hawaiian shirts,

or a fake beach
in the shriners' parking lot.

What the hell kind of
vow renewal is that?

I don't believe you!

This is the ceremony
you've planned

for the woman you love?

Thank you, Benny.

What do you know
about romance?

You just swing on a tire

till the zookeeper brings
another male into your cage.

You know what hurts
the most?

You don't realize what
this vow renewal means to me.

It may be just a big party
to you, but to me,

it was the beautiful wedding
we couldn't afford 18 years ago.

Angie, come on.
Trust me.

It's not gonna be
as bad as you think.

It's gonna be worse.

Y-You don't know that.

Maybe I planned
something romantic.

Yeah, like what?
Tell me.

Tell her, George.

That's what I thought.

If you're not gonna tell her,
then I will.

Mom!

I hear the bridesmaids
are wearing coconut bras,

and the porta-potties are
being decorated like tiki huts.

You know I can't go
in a chemical toilet!

Dad, dad.

I wrote a poem that I'd like
to read during the ceremony.

That's so nice.
Did you memorize it?

No.
It's on here.

That's great.
I can't wait.

Hey, Max.

Your sister's got a poem.
You know what to do.

Find it. Eat it.

Let me know
the second she gets here.

Well,
Dell still isn't here.

I told you
this was a huge mistake.

I agree.

That is way too much money
to waste on two people

who shouldn't have gotten
married in the first place.

You'll see what I mean
later.

Sit down, bat!

You know, honey,

you look absolutely
beautiful today.

Of course
I look beautiful.

This whole place
looks beautiful

because I planned
the perfect wedding --

except there's no bride.

Where the hell is Dell?

J-Just calm down.

Don't tell me to calm down.
You know I hate that.

Baby, relax.

Oh, that's better.

Let's do this
before I change my mind.

Do what?

You'll see what I mean
later.

Why does everyone
keep saying that?

You'll see
in one damn minute!

What moron cued the band?
Cut the music.

Daddy.
What are you doing here?

I'm here to walk you
down the aisle.

What are you
talking about?

This is
your wedding-vow renewal.

George did this
all for you.

Cue the music.

This whole time,
you were tricking me?

Yeah.

Ohh!

I love you.

You know, Angie...

The first time
we got married,

I kept thinking,
"I don't deserve you."

And now,
after 18 amazing years,

I know that...I don't.

I'm the luckiest guy
in the world.

And...i love you.

If you would just stop
trying to go golfing with me

and realize that it's my time
away from you...

...we would have
the perfect marriage.

I love you, baby.

I'd like to introduce you
to a good friend of mine --

Robert Rodriguez
and his band.

I want to dedicate this song
to George and Angie.

When I first met them --

just shut up and play!

I guess the bar is open.

Nah, she keeps a flask
in her girdle.