04x15 - Sabes Quake

[bunniefuu]

Honey, did you fix
the garbage disposal
like I asked you to?

What do we need
a garbage disposal for?

Got an old goat
right here.

Did you fix it?

If I tell you I fixed it,
I fixed it.

Oh.

Okay.
Let's see.

Turn it off!
I lied!

It's an earthquake!

Carmen: Daddy!

Get in the doorway!

Carmen!

Daddy!

It's okay, it's okay.

I think it's over.
Let's go.

Come on, Carmen.
Let's go.

I built this room.
I know what it can take.

If we stay here,
we're dead.

Oh, Carmen.
Thank god you're okay.

Everybody outside!
Go!

We're supposed to stay
in the doorway.

We should
get under a table.

You're supposed to make
yourself look bigger.

That's for a bear!
Come on outside. Go!

I'm bigger!
I'm bigger!

Mom, get out here!

Okay, everybody
stay away from the house.

You big babies.
It was just an aftershock!

What in the hell?

What's with the plates?
Come on, god, quit teasing me!

Tip over the fridge.
Take her out!

George: Man, that was huge.
The roof could have fallen in.

There must be dead people
all over the city.

George, the kids.

Yeah, kids, too.

Kids, pets, old people --
Angie, for all we know,

California's just a huge death
boat floating towards Hawaii.

Okay. We're all
a little freaked out.

Let's just get organized
for a second, okay?

That's a good idea.

I'm gonna make sure
the gas is off.

Max, check the hose and see
if we still have water.

I heard on the radio
the earthquake was a 6.2.

It was centered
in northridge.

Northridge again?

What the hell's going on
with those people?

They need to knock down their
false idols and recognize.

Well, power's out
in the whole city,

and people have already
started looting!

What's happened to L.A.?

You know, it used to be
you could clean up your house,

get a bite to eat,
and then loot at your own pace!

I might not even
go out this year!

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
I'm bleeding.

No, no, no, no.
It's just a small cut.

She needs a bandage
and some antibiotic cream.

George, can you get some
band-A*DS from the house?

Yeah, sure.

Mom!

Mommy!

Yeah, I just remembered.
We're all out of band-A*DS.

She doesn't need
a band-aid anyways, Angie.

A cut that big needs air.
Carmen, blow on it like this.

That's ridiculous.

I'll go check the earthquake
kit in the garage.

I can't believe
I almost died.

That tree
fell right on my bed.

Oh, no.

Now how will boys
sneak into your room?

That's right --
I hear things.

I'm not in the mood,
loser.

Yeah, I heard that
through the wall, too.

Shut up!

Carmen, Carmen,
calm down, huh?

Calm down.

Earthquakes are just
a part of nature.

In Florida,
we had hurricanes.

After your grandmother
cheated on me...

I submitted her name to
the national weather service --

hurricane emelina.

But they said it had to
start with a "d."

So I suggested "hurricane
dirty, lying tr*mp."

They went with "Dana."

The only thing left
in this earthquake kit

is this old radio.

Can I listen to it?

Find a news station
and give us some updates.

George, I had $200 cash
in here for emergencies.

Did you dip into it
playing poker in the garage?

Do you think that having
three aces and one chip left

is an emergency?

No, I don't.

Then we've been robbed!

Just check the upstairs
bathroom for band-A*DS.

Um, no, Angie.

I don't think
we should go in the house

until we know it's safe.

What if there's
another aftershock?

The house could come down.

How are we gonna know
if it's safe?

I'll get an inspector
to come out here.

I don't care
how long it takes.

Dad, they say 2 million
people are homeless...

Oh, my god.

...every year
in this country.

Hey!
Is everybody okay?

I-I tried to call,
but our phone was out.

We're all fine.

We got an inspector
checking out the house.

Are your folks okay?
Yeah, they're fine.

Sylvie: Ernesto! Gordo!
Are you there?

Come in. Over.

My mom made me bring
the walkie-talkie.

Yeah, mom?

Where are you?
I'm hungry.

I'm over
at George's house!

Liar!

Hi, Mrs. Cardenas.

Is everybody
all right?

Yes, we're all fine.

Is your mother there?

Yes, she is,
thank you.

All right. Then she's not
the one who took our lawn mower.

Hey, sylvie.

You should have
an inspector over

'cause you might be able
to get money from the government

for your butt, your boobs,

and everything else
that's falling down around you.

Is there any news?

The Lakers' game is cancelled,
and there's a city-wide curfew.

Wait.

There's a crazy guy
downtown.

What's he doing?

All his tvs have to go.

Oh, no.
He's slashing prices!

Okay, all finished.

So, how's the house?

Come on, give us
the bad news, man.

Is it a tear-down?

You got some slight
roof damage,

but you can move back in
whenever you like.

Oh, thank you.

Wait, wait. So, you said
there's roof damage.

Does that mean that
it might collapse?

It's highly unlikely.

Okay, so
on the other hand,

you're saying
that it's "lowly likely."

My family's got to
live in there, man.

I promise you, it's safe.

All right, I'm gonna ask you
one more question, okay?

And don't take this
the wrong way,

but are you an inspector

because you didn't have what
it takes to be a contractor?

Angie: George!

Hey, how much do you get
if your chimney falls down?

About $2,000.

Yeah?

Well, mine collapsed,
and I need to file a claim.

Oh, I can drop by
your house tomorrow.

Mom, you don't have
a chimney.

In about an hour,

there's gonna be
a pile of bricks on my lawn

that says you're a liar.

Everybody, grab your stuff.
Let's go back in the house.

Oh, hey, hey, we don't even
know if it's safe yet.

What are you talking about?

You wanted an inspector.
We got an inspector.

Angie, think about it.

Even if
that guy is qualified,

inspectors never want
to find anything wrong

because then they got to
cut you a big check.

So then you
go back inside,

there's an aftershock,
the house collapses.

You want to sue the city,
but you can't

because you're too busy
learning to eat with your feet.

I-I don't want to die.
I'm not going in that house.

George, you see
what you're doing here?

All right, all right.
Your mom's probably right.

I'm being a little paranoid.
I'm sure the house is safe.

But if you're still scared,

I'll sleep outside
with you tonight.

Thanks, dad.

I can parent, too.
I've been watching you.

All right.

If you two are more comfortable
sleeping out here tonight,

then go ahead, but come on in
and get some blankets.

Okay.

Carmen, go to the back of my
truck and get my tent, okay?

And, uh...

Hey, can you go inside
and get me some blankets?

Why can't you do it?

Don't worry about
why I can't do it!

Just do it, okay?

If you're worried
about Carmen,

I'll stay out here
and help her.

You can go in.
No, no, no.

You don't get it, man.

I can't go inside.
I just can't.

All right.
Don't worry about it.

Sylvie: Oh, you
can get blankets!

But you can't pick up

that half-finished puzzle
off your bedroom floor!

And why can't George
go into his own house?

I'm sorry, George.
I-I'll handle this.

I told you, I'm gonna
finish that puzzle!

Golly!

They slept outside again?
That's three nights in a row.

Carmen's still too scared
to come inside,

and your father doesn't
want her out there alone.

Dad doesn't care
if we're scared.

He told me all about
mad cow disease

and how it makes holes
in your brain.

And then, when I ran to go
get you, he ate my burger.

Honey, I'm sure
you misunderstood.

You know what I think?

I think he's only out there
because he's scared, too.

Has dad even been in the house
since the earthquake?

Of course
he's been in the house.

He's not gonna wear the same
underwear for three days.

Are you kidding me?

He's the one
who taught me...

Forward, backward, inside out,
turn it around -- four days.

You won't...
Be doing that...Anymore.

If dad doesn't think
it's safe,

then I don't want to be
in the house, either.

I'm living outside
with them.

Max, you are not gonna
live outside.

The house is safe.

Now go take a shower, and put
your underwear in the fireplace.

Carmen, can you
give me a minute?

I need to talk
to your dad.

Where am I supposed to go?
I'm not going in the house.

Uh, you know what?

I think the changs
left for church,

so hop the fence
and fire up the jacuzzi

'cause we both need
to wash up.

You know, I don't think
Carmen's getting any closer

to coming back in the house.

I-I think you're making this
too easy for her.

I think the bucket toilet
might disagree with you.

Honey...is there something
going on with you?

What are you
talking about?

I think there's something
you're not dealing with here.

Oh, here we go, huh?!
Here comes the talk!

I don't communicate,
I don't listen,

I crave sex,
but I fear intimacy.

There's nothing wrong
with eye contact!

But this is not about that.

I was gonna sleep
inside the house,

but now I don't think I will
because I'm so upset!

Are you happy now?!

I don't know why you're so
scared to go back in the house,

but you are not
dealing with it,

and you're not helping Carmen
by turning this into a camp-out.

Hey. You don't know
what I'm going through, okay?

This isn't fun
for me or Carmen.

Dad, come quick!

The changs left another
hot apple pie

cooling on the windowsill.

Make it look
like dogs got it again.

Go.

This has got to stop.

Even your son is asking

why his dad
won't come back in the house.

When you're ready to talk,
I'll be inside.

There's nothing wrong with
admitting that you're scared.

Scared? I'm not scared.

I take care of business.

Last night I fought a possum
in the backyard

for an apple core.

He wanted it, and I wanted it,
and I was like

Honey...

If you're not scared,
come in the house.

George, you in here?!

Some shake, huh?

Oh, the sofa does
look better over there.

Why are you crying?

Everything was shaking...

And then
the lights went out.

Come on!

It wasn't that bad.

It was just like
a roller coaster.

Some people pay money
for that kind of crap.

You don't.

You know what?
Get out from under there.

You're fine.
Here, and put your shoes on.

There's a lot
of broken glass,

and I don't want you getting cut
when you clean it up, huh?

Mommy, the house
is gonna fall in!

It's just an aftershock,
you big baby!

Are you crying again?

Why don't you squirt some
bug spray on your legs?

That way when the ants crawl up,
they won't bite your candy a*s.

We have biting ants?

I know you're sleeping
in the yard,

but why are you brushing
your teeth with the hose?

Your mom was taking too long
in the bathroom.

What about the bathroom
in the hall?

That one had
low water pressure.

What about
the kitchen sink?

What about
what's 88 divided by 7?!

Uh --

"uh." yeah!

It's not fun being
in the hot seat, is it?

Vã¡monos.

Don't worry about me.

There you are.

What?

I want to talk to you

about something that happened
when I was a kid.

Oh, great.
You know what?

Let me just save you
the trouble, okay?

I didn't hug you enough,
I didn't say "I'm proud of you,"

and I can't say "I love you"
without sounding sarcastic.

Are we done?

What about that earthquake,
mom, when I was 6?

George, there are
incest victims

with less repressed
memories than you.

When I was 6, I went through
that earthquake all alone.

I know.

I'm so proud of you!

I love you!

Stop it, mom.
That was my first earthquake.

I didn't know
what was happening, mom!

When the house started shaking,
I thought it was because

you brought home
another "special uncle."

You know what?
You got out alive.

What are you whining about?

I was scared out of my mind,
mom, and you weren't there.

'Cause I couldn't
be there.

George, I was stuck
at my second job

and the buses
weren't running!

But you never did anything
to make me feel better.

You never
talked to me about it!

What -- what was
I supposed to do...

Hug you and kiss you

and tell you that everything
would be okay?

Everything won't be okay.

You know, there's
earthquakes and hurricanes,

and lots of really nice people
die for no good reason.

And there's not a damn thing
you can do about it.

You know what?
Thanks for not talking to me.

Anytime.

You know,
because of you...

I can't even
go in my own house,

and I'm using my daughter

as an excuse to live
in the backyard.

Well, let me give you some
advice for living outside, okay?

You might want to squirt
some bug spray on your legs...

'Cause you know
where those ants are going.

My butt's not candy!
It's all muscle!

Dad, can we talk?

Yeah, Carmen,
I think we should.

You know, sleeping outside
like this is crazy.

I know.

I mean, I'm 16.
I'm practically an adult.

I should have my own tent.

Oh, and definitely
my own bucket.

How long were you planning
on staying outside?

Here's my thinking --

if you never go inside,
you can't get crushed to death.

So, I'll move my bed
into my tent,

I'll have mom
bring my food,

and I'll shop for my clothes
on my laptop.

But what about school?

Oh, I'll just drop out

and be snow white
in the Disneyland parade.

I can do the wave.

Crowd.

Crowd.

Individual.

Individual.

When that tree
crashed into your room,

it rattled your cage
a little bit, didn't it?

What are you
talking about?

You're gonna have to go
inside the house eventually.

No, dad, I can't go in there.
I don't want to die.

You're not gonna die.

Every time I go to bed,
I'll be afraid

the house is gonna fall
and I'll never wake up.

Carmen, you have to
face your fears

or they're gonna
stay with you.

Next thing you know,
you'll be a grown man

taking a wh*re's bath
in the changs' koi pond.

We're gonna go in the house,
and I'm gonna help you, okay?

No, no, I-I can't do this.

Baby, it's gonna be okay.
Come on.

Ow!
You're hurting my hand!

Quiet. I'm healing you.

Okay.

You can do it,
all right?

Take a deep breath.

It's not a race!

You see, Angie?
Carmen's facing her fears.

I think we should
drink a toast to her.

Give me the Tequila.

Dad, should I go upstairs
up to my room

and face
the source of my fears?

Yeah, go.
Source your face. Whatever.

Oh, I'm so proud of you!

Ahhhh!

I'm sorry.
It was all my fault.

I wasn't there to hug him
every time waffles popped up.

Ernie:
Mom, what are you doing?!

Sylvie: I'm trying to find the
other walkie-talkie you lost!

Testing, testing!
Hello? Hello?

Hey, I didn't lose it, mom.

Of course you did.

You'd lose your pee-pee
if it wasn't attached!

Orale.

Maybe it's in your room.

No.
You can't go in there!

Read the sign!
"No trespassing."

What's going on?

Oh, Ernie left
his walkie-talkie,

so I'm listening
to him and his mom.

Honey, you shouldn't be
eavesdropping.

Nah, it's great, ang.
You got to hear this.

It's hilarious.

I wouldn't be surprised if you
left it at George's house.

I'll ask him tonight when
we go to thirsty's.

I thought you
had to work tonight.

He told Angie
he had to work tonight.