04x13 - George to the Third Power

[bunniefuu]

Don't make fun
of your brother's braces.

Sorry.

Hey, if you need
the school calendar,

it'll be under
this fridge magnet.

Whoa!

Whoa!!

You're just jealous
because we fixed his problem

and we can't fix
your legs.

What's wrong with my legs?

Nothing, if they come
with coleslaw and biscuits,

chicken legs.

What's that smell?

Max, honey,

when was the last time
you brushed your teeth?

A week ago.

Angie, where are those bones we
give the dog for his breath?

I can't brush my teeth
because my braces hurt too much.

I can't chew,
I can't even sleep.

The dentist has already
loosened them twice.

But they still hurt,
and I'm starving.

Okay, well, we'll find a way
to feed you.

Carmen, chew your brother's food
for him.

You're the closest thing to
a bird we have in this family.

Just take little bites like...

Okay, go upstairs
and rinse with mouthwash.

I'll call Dr. Holland
for another appointment.

Oh, man,
I hate that dentist.

He's the only orthodontist
your company will pay for.

I'm going with you 'cause
you're too easy on that guy.

The only reason
he's a dentist

is because he couldn't cut it
as a doctor.

Aren't dentists doctors?

Carmen,
this is the way I see it.

There's an order
for healers.

Can't make it as a doctor,
you become a dentist.

Can't make it as a dentist,
you become a vet.

Can't make it as a vet,
you become a chiropractor,

then masseuse,
then prost*tute.

This is the kind of talk that
got you into that bar fight.

Hey, how did I know that
a chiropractor and a vet

would be celebrating
a hooker's birthday?

Well, I can't find
anything wrong.

But they still hurt.
Can't you just take them off?

Okay, why don't you just
listen to some music

and relax a minute?

Your little girl
is very brave.

That's my son.

I know.
What a wuss!

Look, if my son says
he's in pain, he's in pain.

Look, Lopez, if I loosen
the braces any more,

he's gonna swallow them.

They're gonna pass
right through him,

then, believe me, he won't be
faking that pain.

Well, something's wrong.

He hasn't had anything solid
to eat for days.

Kids learn how to deal with pain
by watching their parents.

If one of you
is the type of person

who always overreacts to the
slightest, minor discomfort,

he's gonna pick up
on that.

Hey, man, you don't know
how tough I am!

I've been dealing with pain
my whole life --

the pain of being abandoned
by my father...

And the pain of not being
abandoned by my mother.

So, you think you're the only
one who's had it hard, huh?

My dad left me when I was 8.

My dad left when I was 2.

Well, my dad came back
when I was 10

and beat me till I was 12.

At least you were beaten
by a man.

My mom
used to smack me around

in the bra section of
the women's clothing store.

That hurt don't heal!

You don't need to fight.
Read the poster.

"Every friendship starts
with a smile."

Did you take a hit
off the laughing gas

while I was in the bathroom?

What are we gonna do
about Max?

Like I said,
there's nothing to do.

All right, well, come on.
Come on, let's go, Max.

We'll find someone else
to help you.

Oh, I know the name
of a good gynecologist.

What's that?
Wait outside.

You know what, man?
You're finished.

I'm gonna get my bosses to
change to a real dental plan.

Well, you do that, Lopez,
but just remember,

I've known your bosses
a long time,

and the only thing they love
more than saving money

is firing workers
who complain.

Come on, Angie.
We're out of here.

Go ahead, leave!

I'm used to people
walking out on me!

My mom locked me in the closet
for a day and a half

just so she could go
and party!

Yeah? Well, my neighbor

touched me inappropriately
in my no-nos.

That is not true.

I'm in it to win it, baby!

* all my friends
know the low rider *

Hey!

What's all that?

Oh, I'm submitting a new budget
to the powers brothers.

I'm trying to get us
a better dental plan.

Ooh!
They're too cheap, George.

They won't even cover
my fiancã©e's alcohol rehab.

And I can't get paternity leave
because her baby's not mine.

And they won't cover my foster
son unless I adopt him,

and I can't do that
until I marry his mother.

Mom, how's this story
gonna end?

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Like Jerry springer
couldn't get

a whole week
from your life, eh?

With your runaway daughter,
your gangbanger son,

and gonorrhea granny
over there.

Jerry! Jerry!

I'll take responsibility
for my kids, but not my mom.

Ever since Bob hope died,

somebody has to entertain
the troops.

Hey, Mel and Jack are here.

Good luck
with the dental plan.

I don't need luck.

I got the cost for this policy
buried so deep in the budget,

they'll have to dig
for a month to find it.

"Miscellaneous
factory charges."

You wanted to see us,
George?

Yeah, got the new budget.
Same as last year's.

Just need a signature
at the bottom.

What the hell's
"miscellaneous factory charges"?

That's all the little stuff --
you know,

postage, coffee creamer,
dental plan, paper towels.

The first one to sign it
gets a peppermint.

We're not signing that, George.
Redo it.

Come on, man, we need
a better dental plan, huh?

It costs a little bit more,
but the workers deserve it.

All I heard was
"costs a little more,"

and then a bunch of sirens
and whistles.

That's funny.

I saw a red flag that said,
"oh, hell no."

Jack! Mel!

Come on, man.
Look, Dr. Holland stinks.

My son's been back there
three times

to get his braces loosened,
and his mouth still hurts.

No offense, George, but we can't
change just for your kid.

It's not just my son.

Everybody in the factory
has to use this guy.

We just don't
have any money.

Look, why don't you
take your boy's braces off,

and he can just cover his mouth
when he laughs or smiles.

It's cute when
those Japanese hostesses do it.

Jack, his kid's in pain.

But you're not a parent,
so you don't get it.

Look, George,
here's what you do.

You get some painkillers,
you put it in some applesauce,

and then you eat it.

That way, when your kid's
in pain, he won't bother you

because you are
in woo-woo-ville.

How'd it go?

The powers brothers won't pay
for a decent dental plan,

but they'll hide
two grand in the budget

for going to strip clubs.

"Machine rentals."

I'm not stupid.
I know what a "lap grinder" is.

The only powers brother

who ever gave a damn
about the workers was Lou.

Is he the oldest one?

Yeah, he left the company
about 20 years ago

to spend more time
with his family.

He got us the health plan
to begin with.

And he's the reason that
you were born in a hospital

instead of a bathtub,
like Ernie.

I heard Ernie's mom
was just taking a bath,

but she was so big,

she didn't even know
she was pregnant.

She sneezed, and Ernie
popped out to his shoulders.

All I know is that
Jack and Mel said

we didn't have the money,
but Lou made it happen.

He's a financial genius.

You know...

Maybe he's got some budget trick
he could teach me.

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm gonna get his phone number
out of the personnel file.

Are you crazy?

The brothers had
a huge falling-out

with Lou when he left.

If they find out that you're
going behind their backs,

they'll fire you.

Then they won't find out.

And I'll get it done in secret
because that's what I do.

Sabes que?
Get things done. Hello!

You always were
a confident little guy,

no matter how many times
you failed.

"I'm gonna find a date
to homecoming, mommy.

Porque sabes que?
I'm a stud."

I would've got a date, mom,

if you would have
let me buy deodorant.

Hey, I gave you lemons
to rub under your arms.

Mom, I smelled
like a lemon's a*s.

Hey, Lou powers?

Huh?

George Lopez.

Oh.

So you're Benny's
little boy.

Yeah, I was a little nervous
when you called.

You're not here to tell me
I'm your dad, are you?

What? Is that possible?

No.

Why'd you call?

I'm having a little problem
with my budget.

And my mom says
you're a financial genius,

and I was hoping
you could help me find money

for a better dental plan.

Why should I help you?

My son's having a problem
with his braces,

and I figured
since you're a family guy,

you'd know how important
that is.

Correction.
I used to be a family guy.

They walked out on me
and never looked back.

Now I sleep till noon,
wake up in my own sick,

and keep on drinking.

You're still a financial
genius, though, right?

My wife told me
to get the hell out

because I had
a drinking problem.

I said, "hey, I'm not
the one waving a knife around."

You want to see what
a butter knife can do to a man

if there's enough hate
behind it?

That's okay.

I'll tell you what.

You help me
figure out this budget,

Lou, you can show me
anything you want --

scars, tattoos, nipple rings.

I don't care.
I'm not gonna judge you.

What do you think?
Any wiggle room?

What is this? What is this?
What is this? Oh.

See, we used to have the best
dental plan in the business.

Man, I should walk
right down there

and make them put it back.

I wish it was that easy.

Oh, hey, it is.
I'm the oldest.

I still have a controlling
interest in that company.

Hey, let's go
down there together --

you and me, right now,

and we'll spank some sense
into those weasels.

No, I can't do that, Lou.
No way, man.

I can't have
Jack and Mel know

that I went
behind their backs.

Yeah, but you got me
riding shotgun.

Come on,
cowboy up, George.

We're going in, g*ns blazing.

You and me.
Let's go, buddy.

Yeah!

Hey, you know what they used
to do in the old cowboy days?

They'd stay in the saloon
and fix the budget.

Very few people know
that the Dalton g*ng

was actually Dalton,
Dalton, Dalton, and Cohen.

George, don't back down
from these guys.

I just want to get my son
a better orthodontist.

Hey, we'll get him
a better everything --

straight teeth,
laser eye surgery,

Botox injections.

He's 12.

Maybe he wants to look 10.

Hey, thanks for taking me home
from thirsty's last night.

Man, you were hammered.

To keep up with Lou.

I wanted to get him so drunk,

he'd forget what
we talked about last night.

Yeah, well, you know,

sorry about just leaning you
up against the front door

and ringing the bell.

I was trying to get the keys
out of your pocket,

and you were all like,
"oh, yeah!

Oh, baby, that's nice. Ooh!"

So I panicked and went home.

Yeah, well, Lou was
in worse shape than I was.

Last I remember, he was lying
across the pool table,

French kissing
the corner pocket.

Where are my weasels?

Oh, god!

Hey, George!

Lou, hey, man, I said you
didn't have to come down here.

Are you kidding me?

Kid needs leg braces.

We're gonna do
something about it.

Actually,
they're for his teeth.

Well, sometimes, a smile
is all a crippled kid's got.

Oh, here come my weasels,
slinking in here

with their beady eyes

and their tiny,
weak forelimbs.

Lou, what are
you doing here?

You got your check
this month.

I took a close look
at your budget.

It's appalling.

There's gonna be
some big changes around here.

I don't think we've met.
I'm George Lopez, the manager.

Georgie!

Relax.
I got you covered, babe.

So, how do you know
"Georgie"?

He asked me to meet him
at thirsty's

so he could tell me about
the bad shape his kid's in.

Okay, let me explain.

I thought we needed
a better dental plan,

and I thought
he could help me.

You don't have to kiss up
to these guys anymore, man.

Call them weasels.

Come on, Lou.
I can't do that.

Oh, come on, George.
Call us weasels.

How about if I call you guys
mongooses?

They fight snakes, so they're
like weasels, but hard.

All my mongooses say "hey!"

Hey.

George...

Angie, what are
you doing here?

I'm in the middle
of something.

Excuse me, I really need
to talk to my husband.

It's really important.

George,
is that your boy?

Hey, where are
your crutches, tiger?

Aah!

The pain comes in waves.
Let me be your legs, son.

So what's this about, Lou?

Okay, this better
be an emergency.

I walked
into Max's bedroom,

and he was
eating beef jerky.

Thank god you came down here
instead of calling,

'cause that's the kind of thing
you need to hear in person.

George, he was lying
about his teeth.

They don't really hurt,
and I wanted to stop you

before you made a big deal
about the dentist.

Tell your father.

I just wanted my braces off

because I didn't want
Jenny Gomez to see my mouth.

Who the hell is Jenny Gomez?

She's in my math class,
and we used to talk every day.

And since I got braces,
she won't even look at me.

This is about a girl?!

Hey, man,
I'm in trouble at work,

and this is all because you got
the hots for a 12-year-old?

I don't think
you understand.

I love her.

You don't know anything
about love.

You want to know
what love feels like?

Go get your braces
tightened, huh?

And when they hurt,
tighten them some more.

And burn all your money,
and wave goodbye to fun,

and get ready to spend
the rest of your life

listening --
"ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka."

Can you finish this?
'Cause you know where I'm going.

We're gonna take you
to court.

I have controlling interest.
I can do whatever I want.

So screw you.

Look, guys...

The whole dental thing

Was a lie.

I made it up.

Because...

I wanted to bring three brothers
back together again.

So if you're gonna
be mad at me,

do it as a family,

because that's
what you guys are.

Weak, George. Very weak.

In my defense,
I didn't have a lot of time

from the door to right here.

What's going on here,
George?

Look, I thought
my son was in pain.

Okay, it turns out
the dentist is fine,

but Max was lying

'cause he wanted to get
his braces off for a girl.

You got me all worked up
for nothing?

Man, you wasted my time.

You were just drinking.

Just drinking?

I suppose Da Vinci
was just painting.

He's all yours, boys.

I'm going back
to thirsty's.

Look, I know
you guys are mad, huh?

And I know
I'm in a lot of trouble.

But kind of give me an idea
of how mad you guys are,

like a number
between 1 and 10.

You went behind our backs.

You betrayed us, George.

So we're calling it what?
Like a 3?

Hey, honey.
How'd it go at work?

Well, they didn't
fire me yet.

See, mom, I told you
he'd be okay.

Yeah, but it's not okay
to lie, Max.

But nothing happened,
so everything's fine, right?

Max, can you get the door?

What are the powers brothers
doing here?

Play along. It's cool.

Jack, Mel,
what are you guys doing here?

What you did today
was unacceptable.

George, you're fired.

What?

No, come on, man.
Don't do this.

Not in front of my kid.

You can't fire my dad.
It wasn't his fault.

I liked a girl,
so I lied.

Your lie
cost your dad his job.

Boy, if I did that,

it would make me
feel like crap!

Unless, of course,

I was an ungrateful,
dirty, daddy hater.

I didn't know.

How are we gonna
pay our mortgage?

How are we gonna eat?

We're gonna end up...

On the streets.

Okay, pull it back there,
drama club.

I'm sorry, dad. I didn't know
this was gonna happen.

I'll make up for it.

I'll get a job after school.
I'll sell all my stuff.

I'm sorry.

Okay, Max, relax, all right?
Calm down.

I'm not really
getting fired.

I just asked Jack and Mel
to come over here

to pretend to fire me
to teach you a lesson.

None of this was real?

No, no, we just agreed
to help out your dad

because we were touched
that a father

would put his job in jeopardy
to help his son.

Thanks, guys.
Good night.

But...

Not so touched
that we're just gonna forget

you went behind our backs.

Don't you think
there should be

some consequences
for that, George?

Well, if there's one thing

I've learned from watching
kung fu movies,

it's that my shame
is my greatest punishment.

And that if you can fly,

you're probably gonna
win the fight.

I'll see you Monday.

Oh, we got something else
in mind for you, Lopez.

So I bet you like
playing soccer,

huh, there, little fella?

Yeah,
I have a game Saturday.

Ooh, well, your daddy's
gonna miss it

because he's working weekends
for the next five months.

Bet you like eating dinner
with your dad, too.

Say "no," Max!
Say "no"!

Too late!

He's on the night shift.

There's one more thing
we need you to do.

So you see, it was all
a huge misunderstanding.

Jack and Mel want you to stay on
as the company dentist.

Really?

Well, if you really trust me
as your dentist,

you'll get in the chair.

You're due for a cleaning.

That's okay.
I do all my own dental work.

I clean my teeth,
fill my cavities.

I even send myself a postcard
every six months

that says, "I miss you,
and that's the tooth."

Get in the chair.

Get in the chair.

It's okay. No problem.

I trust you.
No hard feelings.

Wow, that is
a great picture.

When did you meet
Desmond tutu?

That is my wife.

That's a handsome woman.