04x06 - Sk8erboyz

[bunniefuu]

Late for school.
See ya.

Max, what happened
to your eye?

Honey?

Is that makeup?

Bullies won't pick on me

if they think
I've already been beaten up.

They like fresh meat.

Somebody's picking on you?
Who, Max? I want a name.

Hector Clark, Bobby Garcia,
David chin, Richie Goodman,

Tim Sullivan, Peter Cisco,
pradi pitwani.

I know it's tougher
in middle school,

but just try to think
of it this way --

bullies are just friends

who don't realize
how special you are yet.

What kind of crap
are you teaching him?

No wonder kids of all races

are coming together
to beat up on Max.

Or at least do both eyes
and add a little lipstick.

I can guarantee that there
will be a couple of boys

who will want
to be your friend.

Mom, this family has only room
for one guy in makeup,

and that is you.
Good day, sir.

I said, good day, sir!

I just can't understand

why anyone would want
to pick on you.

Are you kidding?

You're dressing him like
he's still in elementary school.

Dorky shirt, dorky pants...

You can't even
see his boxers.

Why don't you just put him
in a "tickle me, elmo" t-shirt

and send him to his death?

I think he looks
really cute.

Okay, don't listen to me.

Haley?

I guess those shoes
aren't too bad...

If you're running away
from someone.

I didn't pick
any of this out!

Max, do you want to ignore
peer pressure

and be judged
for who you are,

or do you just want
to follow the crowd --

follow the crowd!

I need new clothes, fast.

Fine,
we'll go shopping later.

No.

She picks out my clothes now.
You had your chance.

Man, remember when you used
to be cool, Angie?

Angie in high school.

Angie when we got married.
Angie becomes a mom!

Hey, you're not so cool
anymore, either.

Really?

Talk to the boxers.
Wa-cha!

'Sup, eh? 'Sup?

'Sup, kitchen?
'Sup, toast?

What's up, outside?
Wa-cha!

Now, tell me
which of these settings

you like for the wedding.

I'm just so glad you came across
my ad in the phone book.

I knew I'd get business if I was
listed before triple-a events.

A-a-a-Angie's weddings,
how can I help you?

Hey, you're early.

Cool bracelet.

Yeah, well, Todd and I have
been dating for a while,

so I finally decided
it was time to go green.

What are you talking about?

Didn't they do this
at your old school?

Every color bracelet
is something different

you'll do with a guy.

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I've gone green.

I even went blue once.

What?!
Oh, my god, blue?

Didn't you get sand
everywhere?

Hey, when you're
in the middle of blue,

you don't know
where you are.

Man, wait till
everybody at school

finds out that
you've done blue.

They're gonna think
i'm, like, a sl*t, are they?

Are you kidding?

Everyone's gonna think
you're cool.

At St. Theresa's, you're only
a sl*t if you get pregnant.

Hey, dad,
where's our Bible?

I've got homework
for my religious studies class.

Check the living room.

When your grandma passed out
last night,

I touched it to her head to see
if it'd leave a burn Mark.

Hi, Haley.

Oh, cute bracelet!

You know, a blue one
would make a great gift

for the flower girl.

Do not...Do that.

Hey, there's that kid from
the cover of cool guy monthly!

Oh, hey, I saw this movie.

"Nerds, nerds, nerds, nerds!"

What's going on?

Clothes...Didn't work.

Who are your friends?

Not...my friends.

We were just running
in the same direction...

Away from bullies.

You were chased again?
That's horrible.

I know.

Thank god that fat kid
had to stop

to take a hit
off his inhaler.

They would've
grabbed us all.

Where's the front door?

There.

After me, fellas,
come on!

I'll be up in my room.

Angie, this is serious.

If Max doesn't make
friends soon,

he's gonna be branded a loser
for the rest of middle school.

So, what's he supposed
to do?

I don't know.
I mean, I got lucky.

I started dating
some hot cheerleader.

Used to take her to all
the parties and say,

"look at what George got!

Wa-cha!"

Which way?
Which way?

Th-through there.

The fruit in the bowl is fake!

What am I saying? That kid's
not going for the fruit.

Why didn't I think
of this earlier?

Dina's son, Kyle, goes
to the same school as Max.

They should get to know
each other.

Max, get down here!

No, Angie,
kids don't make friends

by having their mommies
set them up on blind dates.

Look, a kid trips
in the cafeteria.

You laugh so hard that milk
comes out of your nose.

The kid next to you is laughing
so hard he accidentally farts.

Brrrp!

Boom! Friends for life!

Do you know Kyle
from school?

I-I've seen him around.
Why?

Well, maybe he'd like
to go to the movies

with you this weekend.

Mom, no!
Trust me, it'll be fun.

Kyle, would you like
to go to the movies

with Max this weekend?

No, no, no!

He's a loser,
loser, loser!

No way!

I'm not going to hang out
with him!

Everyone knows
he's a loser.

Hey! You're in my backyard with
your mommy looking at China,

so who's the real loser,
huh, Princess?!

Angie, Dina, how are you?

Let's go, son.

* all my friends
know the low rider *

* the low rider
is a little higher *

Dad, do I have
to do this?

Come on,
you love skating, Max.

Now, get out there.
You might make some friends.

This is stupid.

Man, it's hard
when you don't fit in.

Remember when we were trying

to get into the roller
disco crowd,

and you were
spinning me around

'cause you were gonna whip me
out so I'd look really cool?

But then I got scared,

and I kept holding on
to your hands,

and we just kept going round
and round in circles,

like we were dancing,
remember?

I think you hit your head, man,
'cause I wasn't there.

No, I specifically remem--

that wasn't me.

Max, that was awesome!

Way to go, little buddy.

Yeah,
way to go, little buddy.

I'm sorry.

Look, if you want to be cool
with these guys,

this one time, all right,

I give you permission
to tell me off.

Say something like,
"get out of here, old man."

Get out of here,
fat head!

I've had enough
of your crap!

Yeah, like that.
Okay, that's good.

I'll be back in an hour.

You come back when I tell you
to come back!

Why don't you go home
in the minivan

and start my dinner,
soccer mom?!

I love you, dad.

George,
check out these bracelets.

I saw Carmen's friend
wearing one.

They're so cute!
I got one in every color.

It was so sad.

The boy at the store
had some kind of disorder.

When he gave me my change,
he was just shaking.

Well, while you were out
getting "bracelets"...

I went out and got Max
some friends.

Honey, that's great.

And those friends,
the ones that I got him

when I took him
to the skate park,

are coming over for some burgers
that I'm making.

There's no reason to talk like
this anymore, but I like it!

Want to see
the coolest thing ever?

Wa-cha!

George,
did you know about this?

I...did not.

All the guys
think it's really cool.

Which genius
talked you into that?

Bodie.

Let me guess --
bodie's wearing the trash can?

Okay, guys.
Come on, that's enough.

Whoa, why are you wearing
all those bracelets?

You're a mom.

Just because I'm a mom doesn't
mean I can't have a little fun.

Oh, dude,
you are so pimpin'.

Daryl Hannah?

Boy: Go, Max!

Max, no! This was not
on the safety video we watched.

Angie, relax, it's okay.

No, it's not.

Remember, Sammy the skater,

the penguin
with the little helmet?

* you can be safe
and still be rad *

* when you wear your helmet
and your elbow pads *

ohh...

You know what else Sammy
the skater sings, Angie?

* shut up, shut up,
you're making it worse *

* now meet me
in the kitchen *

Angie, what are you doing?

You're embarrassing him
in front of his friends.

Those aren't the kind of friends
I want Max to have.

They're older,
they're reckless.

Look, he already changed
his hair.

He's too desperate
for friends.

What other stupid things is he
gonna do to try to impress them?

Look,
they're just being guys.

When we get together,
we do crazy stuff.

Can you imagine
you and your girlfriends

going to a raiders game

and painting your chests
silver and black?

George!

Just be happy
he has friends, okay?

You don't know what it's like
to be a loner.

Bodie, bodie,
bodie, bodie!

That still hurts a lot less
than being alone.

Right, bodie?

Come on, man, get up.
I'm trying to make a point here.

If he's in that much pain,
Angie,

at least we know
he's not on drugs.

He goes down
the table, up the ramp, mom,

over the grill,
and into the kitchen!

That's why I think we need
a woman president.

Hey, honey.

No, Angie, Angie,
don't end it.

It's just one gray hair.
We'll dye it.

What's going on?

I had an interesting little trip
to the grocery store.

Another shopping story.

Let me have those scissors.

When the teenage boy bagging my
groceries noticed my bracelets,

I took it as a compliment.

When he helped me to the car,

I thought,
"that was really sweet."

When he put his hand
on my butt

and told me that he'd never done
purple with an older chick,

I hit him.

When he stopped crying,
and we found his retainer,

he told me that each
of those colors

stands for something different
you'll do with a boy.

Did you have to
cut them all off?

Carmen was wearing a bunch
of those bracelets yesterday.

Carmen, get down here!

In my day you didn't go around
advertising this stuff.

You'd go off with a guy,

and then if he went too far
you slapped him.

Now, if slapping was your thing,
it got a little confusing.

Mom!

Another source of confusion --
biting.

Let me see your wrist.

Orange,

blue, green, purple,
red, black, pink,

another weirder kind of blue.
What would you call that?

Teal.
Teal!

Carmen, you're teal-ing?

You're a teal-er?

We know about the bracelets.
We need to have a serious talk.

No, we don't.
Everyone just calm down.

I didn't do anything.

Then why are you wearing
the bracelets?

Because people
think it's cool.

A week ago hardly anyone
at school talked to me.

Now everyone likes me.

You left public school because
everyone thought you were easy.

Now you want everyone
to think you're easy?

Because I'm maturing.

Um, ward, June?

I hate to interrupt one parental
failure with another,

but the beav's been arrested
at the mall.

George: What? For what?

They wouldn't tell me.

He got in trouble
with those skater punks.

They're holding him
down there.

I'll handle this.

I told you he was gonna
do something stupid

with those boys.

Don't worry.

No matter what happened
at the mall,

he will have his day
in food court.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Come on, come on.

If we don't laugh,
we'll cry.

Is anybody here?!

He'll be back in a second.
He's checking on my kid.

You know,
this is a waste of time, man.

Skateboarding's not a crime.

So a kid, like,
grinds on a rail

or tries to jump
a fountain.

It's like these mall cops
got nothing better to do.

My son stabbed
another gangbanger

and threw him
down the escalator.

So, you think they're keeping
both of our kids

in the same room
back there?

Probably.

Max, are you okay?!

Max, if you can hear me, son,

don't hurt any
of those other boys.

You can't afford
your third strike!

Max, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I need you to sign this.

Your kid's not allowed
back in the mall.

We're gonna have his picture
on file.

Whoa, man,
that's a little harsh.

They were just
skateboarding.

He wasn't skateboarding.

I just finished grabbing this
guy's kid out of a knife fight,

and then I find your son
and six of his friends

beating up another kid.

Max, is this true?

Don't be too hard
on yourself.

Once a kid goes down that road,
there ain't much you can do.

Well, my kid's not going
down that road, okay?

He's smarter than that.

Turn to your right.

He's dyslexic, man,
just turn him.

George, take it easy.

Max,
why would you do this?

This guy at the mall
called Trevor a name.

So, that gives you the right
to g*ng up on the boy?

I had to stand up for him.
He'd do the same thing for me.

You mess with one of us,
you mess with all of us.

That's it!
Come here.

Stand right there.

Cover your eyes.

What are you doing?!

Look, those kids are gonna
end up in prison.

I know because I grew up
with kids like that.

And I didn't work my a*s off
to let that happen to you.

Max, go upstairs
and wash that out yourself.

Then wait in your room.

Did you hear him?

What the hell is going on
with our kids?

I don't know.

Are we bad parents?

No!

You've been tough,
I've been forgiving.

We've gone into huge debt to get
Carmen into the right school.

We've been up half the night
with Max,

helping him with
his learning disabilities.

We've always put them first.

Well, it's not enough

'cause they keep falling in
with the wrong people.

Last year
Max waited up for Santa.

This year he and his crew
are gonna wait on the roof

and Jack his sleigh.

God knows what Carmen's
gonna do with the elves.

We talked about this before.

Maybe it's the city.

Maybe there's a better place
to raise kids.

George, I'm not moving
out of the city.

Hey, you guys,
there's a high-speed chase

about to go past the house.

Come on, let's go cheer on
the carjacker.

I'll miss your mom.

Let's get the hell
out of the city.

You know, Angie,
if we leave L.A.,

this will be the last car chase
we ever see.

You get a bottle of wine.
I'll get the chairs.

Go, go, go, go!

Mom, save me a spot!

Hey, George, check it out!

I found my old skates.

Hey, hey, hey,
remember this?

Look, I'm telling you
for the last time, Bernie,

that wasn't me!

Oh, yeah?

Well, then whose skates
are these, Mr. Von boogie?

I believe
it's...Dr. Von boogie.

Captain shake it
reporting for duty.

Doctor, what time is it?

It's time to get funky!

Now if I call in sick,

it won't be a lie.