04x09 - Terror on Tape

[bunniefuu]

Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents! Ow!

This is my dad!

♪ Whimsical music plays ♪

This is my mom! [chuckles]

[giggles]
This is my sister! She's shy.

This is my grandpa!

This is my room!

And this...

[cheering]

This is my show!

♪♪

Did you kids have fun

at the costume party?

[together] Yes!

What'd you make
this itchy costume out of?

Sandpaper?

Another successful Halloween
in the books.

Now all that's left
is to drive home

along this long, dark,
desolate stretch of road.

[car engine rattles, stops]

Huh? Why'd the ground
stop moving backwards?

[Bunny] Ooh, looks like
we're out of gas, dear.

So that's what
that doohickey's for!

Welp!

Looks like we're walkin'!

[groan]

[groaning]

What's that place?

Huh! Never seen it before.

Maybe it's a gas station!

Huh?

Viddy-Yo-h*-h*?

I think it's a video store!

- A what?
- Huh?

Oh, I used to spend hours
in places like this!

People used to go to a store
to buy videos?

No. Even better!

To rent videos!

So you had to come
all the way back

to return them too?

[giggles] And if you didn't...

well, they'd charge you
late fees 'til you did!

Hey! Why don't we cap off
this Halloween

with a movie party?

Oh, that's a great idea, hon!

I can't decide what to choose!

Maybe the manager
can recommend something.

Hello? [echoes]

Hm, gotta be around here
somewhere...

- [loud thud]
- ♪ eerie music plays ♪

[maniacal cackling]

Welcome to Viddy-Yo-h*-h*!

Where you don't choose
the movies,

the movies choose you!

A kids' movie for the young'uns.

A romance for the happy couple.

And for you, something...

timeless.

Looks long.

Now, give me
your membership card.

Oh! I, uh...

I don't have one.

Or doyou?

Wow.

[beeps]

All set.

Awesome! Thanks!

Happy Halloween!

And remember...

be kind, rewind.

[maniacal laughter]

♪ suspenseful music plays ♪

Haha! Me first!

- No! Me first!
- Ow!

[giggles]

These must be like
virtual reality glasses!

The eyes go right here...

[gasp]

It's starting!

Or...

Hey! It was just getting good!

Maybe the videotape

goes into the video player
under the TV.

♪ Quirky music plays ♪

- [loud thud]
- Ow!

♪ Tense music plays ♪

Flying Dutchman Pictures
Presents...

♪ eerie music playing ♪

[crunch]

[gulp]

[Flying Dutchman]
Slayground!

[singing happily]

Gee, it sure is a great day
to play on the playground,

huh, big brother?

You said it, sis!

Hey! I know those people!

It's us!

But how?

That's the mark
of a great movie.

You really see yourself in it.

[singing happily]

[both gasp]

Aw, man!

- [meeping]
- The Anchovy Boys are here.

They always hog all the rides.

[meeping continues]

Okay, Patrick,
I'm gonna need your help to...

Patrick?

Patrick?

And a barnacle loaf,

and some fried oyster skins.

[Squidina sighs]

Okay...

Can I have a turn?

Mmm...

nope.

♪ Ominous music plays ♪

W-w-w-whoa!

[screams]

[sinister laughter]

♪ light music plays ♪

Hey, you guys need some help
with your sand castle?

[both] Mmm...

nope.

[growls]

- [screams]
- [frightened whimper]

[growls]

[sinister laughter]

Well, at least the slide
is free.

♪ Quirky music playing ♪

Whoo!

♪ Tense music plays ♪

[laughs]

Whoo! Whoa! [yells]

[screams]

Patrick! Help!

Huh?

I think this playground
is haunted!

Uh... coming!

♪ Heroic music plays ♪

[huffing]

[roars]

[groans]

[both meep]

[huffs, yells]

[babbles, groans]

Hurry, Patrick!

Whoo-hoo!

Oh, a slide!

[yells]

[grunts]

What are they feeding
these kids?

I don't know, man.

Let's go hunt someplace safer.

Like a dynamite factory!

[groans]

What a nightmare!

Yeah! All those snacks...

gone!

[cackles]

[bleats]

[both tremble]

Who's up for a palate cleanser?

A little romantic comedy?

♪ Romantic music plays ♪

Mwah!

Two For Dinner.

[chirping]

Wow, Cecil!

The scallops are taking flight,

this sunset is gorgeous...

[sniffs]

And the barnacles
are in full bloom!

Romance is in the air, my love.

Ooh, Cecil!

Is that the restaurant
we're going to?

How did you find
such a romantic spot?

I read about it online.

"Stunning evening views
and a main course to die for."

Sounds like we're in
for a deliciously

memorable night, my love!

Ooh, well, thank you!

But of course, ma'am!

Anything for our special guests.

Pardon me, sir.

My lady and I
would like to give you

our bread basket.

We're, uh, saving room
for the main course.

Hey. More for me, right?

- [tinkles]
- Alrighty!

Open up!

Thanks!

Boy! Everyone here
is so friendly!

[gulps, burps]

Could've used
some butter with that.

Allow me, sir.

Ooh!

Mmm.

Merci, garçon.

Today's special is "Astroidea"?

Oh, sounds out of this world!

[giggles]

We'll have two, please!

Two sea stars,
a popular choice this evening.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, milady,

but this establishment
has a strict footwear policy.

Ooh! Aren't these cute?!

- Thank you!
- [turkey gobbles]

Anything for our
most delicious guests!

Here, enjoy these fresh herbs
and spices.

It's like a salad
for your whole body!

So fancy!

Sorry, I just couldn't
help myself.

Whoo! Is it just me

or is this date
really heating up?

[groans] I feel it too.

Our two hearts burn hot

with the passion of romance.

Oh, Cecil, you're such a Romeo!

[giggles]

[crackling]

Perhaps you'll find this
more comfortable.

Is this a restaurant
or a world-class spa?

Gee! I'm really in the hot seat
over here!

Ooh. I'm positively roasting.

Something's smellin' good!

I'll say!

Is dinner ready yet?

- [timer ticking]
- [pressure whistling]

Uhh... almost done.

Wait a minute...

♪ tense music playing ♪

Uh, Bunny?

I just realized something.

Yes, Cecil?

Uh, I'm sorry, but...

I left my wallet
at home tonight!

Don't worry.

I can pay.

Oh. And did you happen to notice

that weare being cooked
for dinner?

What?!

[diners babbling and chuckling]

[screams]

[screams]

[diners chuckling]

Ahh! I just can't watch
another second!

Too scary?

No, Squidina.

I'm not scared!

I can't watch
because I have to go potty!

And I might not make it
to the bathroom!

[gasps]

[gasping]

[snores]

[gasp]

[toilet flushing]

Haha-hoo!

That's what I call relief!

- [snoring]
- [chuckles]

You're wasting precious time,
my dear!

Sit that little rumpus down
so we can finish this!

Oh! Yes, Mom!

Here we go!

[vicious laughter]

Whoa!

[scary chomp]

I'm thinking maybe
we should leave now?

[sinister laughter]

Ohh! The exit's roped off!

Allow me to see you back
to your grills.

I mean... seats, of course.

Actually,
it's the funniest thing.

We just realized
we already ate dinner,

but this should cover our bill.

Keep the change!

[Bunny yelps]

- Looks like this meal's to-go!
- Ohh!

Whoop!

We're off the menu!

- Agh!
- [screams]

It's a dead end!

♪ Tense music plays ♪

What do we do now?

Quick! Turn around!

[sinister growling]

[groans] Bunny!

I-I've had a nice night too,

but now's not the time
for canoodling.

Pull the plug!

Huh? Oh. Okay.

[yells]

Whoa! Whoo!

[laughs]

Whoo!

[grunts]

[both] Phew!

We made it!

Oh! Barely.

[chuckles]

Just like all our date nights.

[stomach grumbles]

Ooh, boy!

I really worked up
an appetite there!

Me too! And something
smells really good!

[sniffing]

[chews] Mmm.

Well, it turned out to be
a deliciously memorable night

after all.

[chews] Ptoo!

It sure has, hon!

[chomps, gulps] Mmm!

And no leftovers!

- [chomping]
- ♪ quirky music playing

[scared whimpers]

Aww. That one
was oddly romantic.

[Patrick] And appetizing!

- [gnawing]
- [groaning]

Alright, enough mushy stuff.

It's my turn!

Okay.

[chomps]

What are you doin'?!

I'm talking about my video!

I bet this one's a doozy!

[whirring]

Arr!

A Star Is Unborn.

♪ Rock music playing ♪

[playful laughter]

These young punks are trying
to make a fool of me!

Time to teach 'em a lesson!

- [revving]
- [tires screeching]

Respect your elders!

[laughs]

Oh, dear!

My little Winslow!

However did you get up there?

C'mon! Jump to Mama Hagfish!

[meows softly]

[snoring]

- [loud crash]
- Ow!

[groans]

[meows]

My baby!

Meow!

Meow!

- Ow!
- Meow!

Huh?

Winslow!

Oh! [kisses]

You saved
my precious little snail!

Thank you, young man!

"Young man"?!

How dare you!

I'll have you know
I'm planning on using

my senior discount
all over town today!

[tires screech]

[grumbles]

Don't forget your reward!

Reward?

Whatcha got in there? Money?

- What the...?
- Kronus Bonus Reversionus!

[snores, coughs]

What kind of reward
was that?! Huh?

Hello?

Aw, typical!

When it's time to pay up,

they conveniently disappear.

No matter, I have
a senior discount to exploit!

[tires screech]

I'll have one Krabby Patty,

fries, a kelp shake,
and most importantly,

I'll be indulging
in the, uh, senior discount.

[jingles]

♪ quirky music playing ♪

Nice try. Who's this?
Your grandfather?

Come back when you're actually
old enough, Mr. Midlife Crisis.

Ow! Midlife?!

What are you talkin' about?

I've got liver spots older than
Father Time himself!

Huh?

Huh?

[panicked groaning]

What's happening to me?

[winces]

[gasps]

[groaning]

W-what the...

[screams]

[tires screech]

Wait a minute.

I know what's going on here!

Now, where would she...

- [brakes screech]
- Ah, here we go.

[snores]

[hisses]

Yeah, yeah.

You did this!

[slurps, exhales]

My, who's this handsome
young man?

I ain't handsome
and I ain't no young man!

I only look like this
'cause of you!

You put one of them
curse-whammies on me, didn't ya?

A curse?

Why, I simply repaid you

with the greatest gift of all...

The gift of youth!

[cackling]

♪ tense music swells ♪

Again?

Ah, to heck with it.

I'm goin' home.

♪ Rock music playing ♪

Dagnabbit.

Hey. Did y'all see that?

Sure did.

That's a young'un
on an old folks' scooter.

[angry huff]

You reckon he's a-makin'

a fool of us, Johnny?

I reckon he is, Jimmy.

Let's get 'im.

[all hock loogies, spit]

- [engines start]
- [tires screech]

Hey, Junior!

Get offa there!

Huh?

- [honks]
- Leave me alone!

'Fraid we can't do that!

You gotta earn you a seat
on one o' them things!

Git 'im, Joe.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

- Ow!
- [thud]

Hyah! Hyah! Get along!

[tires screech]

Go on! Git!

Run on back to yer mama!

[horn honks]

Ow! Ow!

Listen here, whippersnapper.

You show yer face
around here again,

better be some gray hairs on it!

Uh-huh.

Let's saddle up, boys.

- Hyah!
- [whips cracking]

[spits, coughs]

Whippersnapper?

I'm older than the three of you
put together!

[scoffs] Grown-ups are so dumb.

I'm gonna go home and ask my dad

to make me a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich

with no cwust.

Then I'll probably
watch some cartoons.

- And hopefuwwy...
- [poof]

-♪ lullaby plays
-[babbles]

[blows raspberry]

[poof]

[GrandPat] Hello? What happened?

Who turned out the lights? Huh?

Where am I?

Hello? Help!

Help!

Let me out!

♪ Intense music plays ♪

[shivers]

Have you ever seen anything
so horrifying?

- [snoring]
- Hello?

[snoring continues]

Hm! Snoozin' through
my movie, huh?

[whimpers]

[howls]

[loud gasping]

[yawns]

[smacks lips]

Enjoy your little naps?

Oh, I'm sorry, GrandPat.

I just didn't find it as scary
as our movie.

They were both snoozers
compared to our movie.

Well, I think
we all can agree...

We better return these things!

They're haunted!

[tires screech]

[gasps]
Enough of this analog stuff!

From now on,
we're sticking to streaming!

Let's get out of here!

Ow!

Oof! Um, didn't there used to be
a door here?

Uh-oh.

Looks like we've got

a bit of a problem here,
ladies and gents.

It seems you've neglected
to follow our policy.

Oopsie.

- [loud thud]
- [feedback whines]

[all] "Be kind, rewind...

Or your soul is mine"?!

[all gulp]

[snickers]

[straining]

[pants]

[straining]

[straining]

[sighs] Dad, how long
do we have to do this?

Oh, what was it the manager
said, hon?

Eternity...
or something like that?

Mm-hmm! For all eternity.

That's what he said.

[Patrick] Good thing
I already went potty.

♪ Eerie music playing ♪

[Flying Dutchman] The end.

[cackles]

[maniacal laughter]

♪♪