04x03 - A Tinkle in Time/TV or Not TV

[bunniefuu]

Hi, I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad!

This is my mom! [chuckles]

This is my sister! She's shy.

This is my grandpa!

This is my room!

And this...

[crowd cheering]

This is my show!

[barking]

[panting]

Something's jammin' up
my wheels.

[spits, barks]

Oh. Criminy, Tinkle,

can't you see I'm busy?

Yah!

- [barking]
- [grumbling]

[grunts]

Hi, mister!

Next time, look both ways

before you cross the playground.

- Yah!
- Whee!

[barking]

[spits, barks]

Mm. Sorry.

Not now, Tinkle ol' buddy.

I'm putting
the finishing touches

on Bunny's latest tattoo!

[swing music playing]

[whirs]

Uh... Hiya, neighbor!

- [whirs]
- [both scream]

[belches]

[whines sadly]

[barks]

[squelching]

And now, folks,

get ready for
Cirque du Patrique!

[Tinkle barks]

I can't play with you now,
Tinkle.

[growls, snarls]

[whines]

Tinkle, I'll play later,
I promise.

But now you gotta scram!

[sighs] Now where was I?

Alley...

Oops.

[energy pulsing]

[electricity crackles]

Huh? [whines]

[roar]

- [screeches]
- [chomp]

[gulp]

[whines fearfully]

Huh?

[barks happily]

[dramatic musical sting]

[groans]

- [bonk]
- Huh?

[panting, barking]

[shushes]

[snarling]

Aah!

[ferocious growling]

[whimpering]

Aaah!

- [ferocious roar]
- [chomp]

Huh?

[triumphant music playing]

Aah! Ugh!

[booming]

[whistling, thud]

[babbles excitedly]

Huh? Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh...

[bone crunching]

- Ptooey!
- [grunting]

[whines sadly]

[Patrick's voice]
♪ Tinkle, tinkle...

- [energy pulsing]
- [barking]

♪ Tinkle, tinkle, little star

[spits]

♪ Other words that rhyme
with star ♪

Oh, for crying out loud,
Pat-Tron!

If you're gonna sing,
learn the...

[screaming] ...lyrics!

Yow!

Gesundheit, El Capitan!

What the--

Wait a second, Pat-Tron.

This might be
an actual antique toilet!

[pants, barks]

No one's used one of these
in millennia.

This could be one
of the last remaining toilets.

- Worth a million space bucks!
- [register dings]

Cool your warp drive, Captain.

It's obviously just a fancy hat.

Well, only one way to find out.

Set hyperdrive to...

the Antique Show!

[fancy chamber music playing]

[panting, growls]

Extraordinary!

This is the most
authentically ancient,

perfectly preserved...

Toilet?

Hat!

Told you so.

Not worth a space nickel.

But simply smashing!

[flushes]

And... very refreshing!

Excuse me,
but I desperately need

to use that hat!

[gulps, whines]

- [Patrick's voice] Tinkle!
- Huh?

[all shout]

[Patrick's voice] Tinkle!

[Tinkle yowls]

[dramatic music playing]

[grunts]

Oh, finally!

The scroll of enchantment!

Leedle.

Leedle.

Leedle, leedle, leedle, leedle.

Leedle!

Too easy.

[grunts] Like defeating
an infant in combat!

- [chiming]
- [device cranking]

[statues hissing]

Ow!

Poison darts?

Ha! Pat The Hapless

eats poison darts...

for...

breakfast.

[bells tinkling]

[laughing woozily]

Funny bell go tinkle-tinkle!

[energy pulsing]

[barks, whines]

[singsongy] Tinkle, frinkle,

sprinkle!

Oooh!

[bright music playing]

[woozy] Ugh.

Bow-wow.

D'oh! Releaseth my scroll,

irksome beast!

[snarling]

Whoa!

- Oh!
- [squeaking]

No!

- [screeches]
- [roars]

[ferocious roar]

A foul leviathan

has devoured my scroll!

And only the bravest hero

could hope to retrieve it!

- [Tinkle barking]
- Huh?

[monster whimpers]

[barks, spits]

The little beast
has retrieved my scroll?

h* h*!

Clearly, you contain
a mighty spirit!

Come!

Let us go make merriment

and vanquish enemies!

[majestic music playing]

Gah!

Huh? Hmm...

[ferocious yell]

Ah! I hope I have time
for a last meal!

[cries out]

- [splash]
- [belches]

[majestic music playing]

Ahhh!

- [shouting]
- [flushes]

[gurgling]

[sputtering]

[majestic music continues]

[majestic builds to crescendo,
fades]

[sighs]

Is not life good, little beast?

We rule many lands,

eat sumptuous feasts,

and sit on very
comfortable thrones.

- [barking]
- Ow!

[panting] Ooh!

- [energy pulses]
- [booming voice] Tinkle!

Tinkle!

[munching]

Beast, taste this mutton!

[chuckles]

Beast?

Beast?

Where is my trusted beast?

[barking happily]

[electricity crackles]

[sadly] B-B-B-Beast?

There he is!

We've come to reclaim
our crowns!

[clanging]

Take them!

[tearfully]
Pat The Hapless cares not!

My best beast is gone,

and now I just want
to eat feelings!

[weeping]

[munching]

[electricity crackling]

- [dings]
- [boing]

Huh? [echoing whine]

[dramatic whooshing]

[booming voice] Tinkle!

[whines sadly]

Tinkle!

Ha ha! What an honor it is
to finally meet you!

Huh?

We've been watching
your adventures

through time
with great interest.

And now,
we've summoned you here.

[murmurs questioningly]

"What is this place?"

Why, it's the far, far,
far future,

the year T0113T,

where toilet beings
reign supreme!

[majestic musical flourish]

[astonished murmur]

You see, Tinkle, many eons ago,

during the space age,

we were seen as nothing more
than a fashion accessory.

But, thanks to the process
of cerebral osmosis,

we grew
more and more intelligent

over the millennia.

[toilets chattering]

My porcelain
brothers and sisters

then set about building
a lush latrine utopia.

[giggling]

[panting]

And this is all thanks
to our ancient ancestor,

a humble little toilet
named Tinkle.

[barks happily]

Yes, yes.

I too wish that you could
stay here forever.

But in order to ensure
that this glorious future

becomes a reality,

you must return
to your own time.

[lively circus music plays,
fades]

[snarling]

Let's take you home.

Huh? [barking] Uh-uh!

[sighs]

[whistling]

Get the roll, boy! Get the roll!

[laughs]

[barking happily]

[howling]

[zapping]

Farewell, great-great-great
grandpotty.

- [lively circus music playing]
- Darn it!

Darn it!

[sputtering] Ugh!

I almost had him that time!

Patrick!

- There's only one left!
- [screams]

Okay. Gotta make this one count.

[circus music continues]

[straining]

I did it!

I actually did it!

Hooray!

Ah! Ugh!

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got a date with a toilet.

Tinkle?

[singsongy] Oh, Tinkle?

I'm ready to play with you!

- Shh! Patrick, look!
- Ooh?

[snoring, muttering]

[chuckles]
Tinkle's such a lazy loo.

Yeah, you'd think Tinkle

traveled through time and space,

the way he's sleeping.

[muttering]

[glass shatters]

Oh, boy.

Today's the day.

Psst! Honey.

Are you awake?

You betcha!

I was too excited to sleep!

Me too.

I'm so excited,
I slept in my clothes!

[inhales, blows]

Me too!

And, to give us
a jump start on the day,

I moved our bed
to the living room!

Good thinking, hon.

Why, you!

What'd I do?

Kids, today is a special day.

A magical day.

A day that comes
but once a year.

Dad, can you move?

Goodness gracious, you're right!

We better move!

[crash]

We don't want to miss
one precious minute of...

Spend Time With
One Of Your Kids Day!

Oh, right.

Still plenty of room
on the couch.

Oh, no, we're not
spending TV time together.

We're spending quality time
together.

Away from the TV.

[gulps]

Away?

From TV?

That's right!

Come on, it'll be fun!

- But Dad!
- Let's talk about this!

- It's a marathon!
- Our show's on!

- Quality television!
- Be reasonable!

[distant sirens wailing]

Oh, gosh.

I haven't been
to this part of town

- since I was a little girl.
- [growling]

Huh?

[laughing]

- [Bunny] Come on, sweetie.
- [whines]

[Bunny] We're almost there!

I'm taking you
to a lovely little parlor

that I used to visit with my mom
when I was your age.

Parlor?

Sounds boring.

[hard rock music playing]

[tattoo g*n buzzing]

Almost done
with your commemorative

bicep tattoo, lady.

But, uh...

whaddaya want
I should put

in your son's
tattoo area?

That depends on what Patrick
gets for his tattoo.

What did you pick, sweetie?

[Patrick] Hmm...

[gasp] I choose this one!

Excellent choice.

I remember my first tattoo.

Hurt like the dickens.

[dramatic musical sting]

[whirs, pops]

Okay, let's see your arm.

- Huh?
- [tattoo g*n buzzing]

[Patrick whimpering]

Oh, what's the matter?

My little sweetie afraid
of needles?

[tearfully] Uh-huh.

Well, uh...

we do have stick-on tattoos.

I'll take it!

[electric guitar chord twangs]

It's beautiful.

- [static crackles]
- [chuckling]

- Why you!
- What'd I do?

- [powers down]
- Aww.

[grunts]

There. Y'see that, Squidina?

That's the way you do it.

Rear back... let 'er fly!

[flatly] Rear back
and let 'er fly.

Got it.

Here ya go, pumpkin!

Dad, can't we just buy
something to eat?

You know, like normal people?

Normal people don't get
to enjoy the taste of lunch

caught fresh with your old man.

- Besides, there's-- Whoop!
- [fishing rod shaking]

Speak of the devil.
Looks like we got a live one!

[straining]

Oh-h*! Well, well, well!

One Krabby Patty for the lady.

- [engine rumbling]
- [bell dings]

[sighs] Okay, I guess I'll try.

Attagirl!

[clanking]

Hey, man, have you seen
my Krabby Patty?

- Mm-mm.
- Aww.

[laughs]

How sad.

You foolishly only ordered
one patty

whilst I amassed dozens.

My-- my patties!

They've been pilfered
by some poltroon!

Help!

[slurping]

Okay, I think

I'm getting the hang of this.

[fishing line whirring]

[clanking]

Oh, yeah!

Now we're talkin'.

- Why you!
- What'd I do?

[TV audience laughing]

Hmm.

What'd I do?

[light elevator music playing]

[sighs sadly]

[gasps] Here, hon.

Try these on too.

Was there ever
a better mommy-son activity

than back-to-school shopping?

[muffled]
But I don't go to school.

Oh, hush now.

Come on, let's see if they fit!

[giggles]

[light music continues playing]

You're gonna love
this next activity.

Yeah? What's the plan?

No plan.

But I'm sure
something new and exciting

will jump out at us.

[loud booming]

[majestic music playing]

New and exciting!

Let's go!

Wow!

Welcome to a brand new

create-your-own stuffed animal
experience

at the Make-A-Chum Workshop!

[sniffing]

Smells like the Chum Bucket
to me.

- [door slams open]
- Ugh. Plankton, I told you

this was no way
to get rid of expired chum.

Criticize quieter, Karen!

[nervous chuckle]

[Cecil] Oh, Squidina!

Look at this little cutie.

I'm gonna name you Matrelda.

Beautiful name!

Now let's chum this chum!

[chuckling] I'm a genius!

[clanks, rumbles]

To avoid the obvious
criminal implications,

I'll be in screen saver mode.

[powers down, clanks]

Come on, let's pick out
some accessories for Matrelda!

Okay, Dad!

I'll be right there.

Okay, Patrick,

let's see how you look
in that suit.

[bright Renaissance music
playing]

Oh! That's a keeper.

Wiggle your toe, hon.

We wanna make sure you have
plenty of room to grow.

- [Patrick chuckling]
- Patrick?

[laughing]

[laughing]

[Bunny] Patrick!

Uh-oh.

Aww!

How about this little number,
Squidina?

[squeak]

[Cecil] Not feeling it.

Okay!

[gasp] Yes!

TV!

[dramatic music playing]

How about
some little knickerbockers

and pointy boots?

[gasp] You're not Squidina!

[crash, chatter over TV]

Squidina!

What did I tell you about
watching T--

- [rumbling]
- [gasps]

[toy squeaks]

Thar she blows!

- [dramatic music playing]
- [expl*si*n]

Oh! Now what do we do?

I don't know, Bunny.

We just wanted Spend Time
With One Of Your Kids Day

to be perfect.

But these kids don't want to do
any of our activities.

[whimpers]

Look, Patrick,

Dad's lip is doing that thing!

[sad music playing]

Here it comes.

[crying dramatically]

[crying resumes]

Uh...

- Well...
- [Cecil crying]

The day's not over.

We can still make it perfect.

We just have to find
the right activity!

[crying]

Virtual Reality Hut?

Great idea, Dad!

Now you can spend time
with both your kids!

[energy pulsing]

Gah!

[all groan]

Aah!

Oh, boy!

Face TV!

Whoa! [laughs]

- Whoa!
- Whoa-oh-oh-oh!

[laughing]

That tickles!

[in digital voice] Whoa!

I'm all digitalicized!

[in normal voice]
Squidina, are you you?

[in digital voice]
I'm me, alright!

[in normal voice] You are you!

[in digital voice] Or am I?

[as SpongeBob] I'm ready!

[in digital voice] Ha ha ha.
Good one, Squidward.

Welcome to virtual reality,
Stars!

[in digital voice] What have you
done with my daughter,

Sponge Boy?

Oh.

[in digital voice]
What in Neptune's name

is going on here?

[Patrick laughing]

[continues laughing]

[laughing stops]

This is so much fun!

Hmmm.

Two can play that game.

Oh!

Wow!

Whoopie! Hey, look at me, kids!

Really cool, Dad!

Better watch out, Cecil!

I'm coming for ya! [giggles]

[Cecil shouting]

[gasp] This is so neat!

You can build anything
you can imagine!

You thinking what I'm thinking?

[both giggling]

You better believe it.

Okay, follow my lead.

[upbeat electronic music
playing]

Ha ha ha!

Ooh! What are these two
making here?

[all] Whoa!

[jazzy music playing]

How'd you kids
come up with all this?

You two are so imaginative!

Why you!

What'd I do?

See, kids?

Isn't this better
than just staying at home

and watching TV?

[together] It sure is.