03x10 - Something Stupid This Way Comes

[bunniefuu]

- Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad.

[zany music]

This is my mom.
[laughs]

This is my mom.
[laughs]

This is my sister. She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room!

And this...

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

This is my show!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

[thunderclaps]

[thunderclaps]

♪ ♪

- There.
All buried.

- Oh!
[giggles]

How I love Halloween
at the beach.

- [chuckles] Same!

One of my favorite
Star family traditions.

One of my favorite
Star family traditions.

- For over 200 years
and counting.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- And now it's my turn
to join in on the fun

- And now it's my turn
to join in on the fun

and bury myself with sand.

- Oh!
- Ow!

- Oh!
- Ow!

[bell rings]
- Huh?

[disjoined music box music]

- [wheezy laugh]

- [wheezy laugh]

- Gruesome Goober.

- [clears throat]

What?

Ice cream?

[engine revving]

[cackling laughter]

- Best Halloween ever!

- Best Halloween ever!

- Ice cream! Ice cream!
I want ice cream!

[wheel squeaking]

[wheel squeaking]

[panting]
Mr. Ice Cream Man, wait up!

[panting]

[panting]

Hello?

[suspenseful music]

[echoing]
Hello?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[disjoined music box music]

[Patrick shouts]

[disjoined music box music]

- [wheezy laugh]

- [wheezy laugh]

- [giggles]

Ice cream!

Ice cream!

One quadruple scoop of
mint chocolate chip, please.

[suspenseful music]

[suspenseful music]

What the?

Huh?

- You're not here
for ice cream.

- You're not here
for ice cream.

You're here to see your future.

You're here to see your future.

- Whoa.

Is this ball made of ice cream?

Is this ball made of ice cream?

- No.

[electricity zaps]

[Patrick screams]

[Patrick screams]

[Patrick babbles]

Now let us look
deep into my crystal,

Now let us look
deep into my crystal,

and certainly not ice cream,

ball and see your fortune.

ball and see your fortune.

- ♪ Oh ♪

♪ You can keep
your stale tacos ♪

♪ You can keep
your stale tacos ♪

♪ I love my space nachos ♪

♪ Listen, you muchachos ♪

♪ It's the best
in all the cosmos ♪

♪ It's the best
in all the cosmos ♪

♪ Computer chips
and space cheese ♪

♪ I always answer
yes, please ♪

♪ Boom chaka-laka,
boom, boom ♪

♪ Boom chaka-laka,
boom, boom ♪

[grunts]

[cheese sputters]

Hey, I think
the microwave's broken.

Hey, I think
the microwave's broken.

- We don't have a microwave.

You just fried our emergency
force field subsystem!

You just fried our emergency
force field subsystem!

- Oops.
My bad.

[alarm blaring]
Huh?

- Oh, now what?

- Spacecraft approaching.
[alarms blaring]

- Spacecraft approaching.
[alarms blaring]

- I'll handle this.

- No, wait!
Pat-Tron, no, no, no, no, no!

[dramatic music]

[groans]

[groans]

- Problem solved.

- That's the
mail delivery ship!

- Whoopsie again.

- Enjoy your
barbecued space mail!

[grumbles indistinctly]

[grumbles indistinctly]

- Sorry!

Well, let's see
what we got here.

And there you go.

And there you go.

We're being fined
a million space bucks

for attacking a mail ship.

for attacking a mail ship.

- Well,
I've got some good news!

My Great Grandroid
permanently malfunctioned

My Great Grandroid
permanently malfunctioned

and has been deactivated!

- But that's horrible news.

- But that's horrible news.

- He left me 1 million
space bucks in his will.

- Wait.
That's great news.

- Wait.
That's great news.

We'll pay off the fine,
and our problems are over.

- One more thing.

- One more thing.

I got to spend one night
in Great Grandroid's old house

to get the money.

[chuckles]
Well, how hard could that be?

[tense dramatic music]

[tense dramatic music]

- Are--are you sure
this is the right address?

- Oops. You know what?
It's actually the next house.

- Oops. You know what?
It's actually the next house.

- Hey, hey!

- Hey, hey!

both: Hey, guys!

- Maybe we should stay
more than one night.

- Oh, wait a nanosecond.

This isn't it either.
- What?

both: Bye, guys.

both: Bye, guys.

- This is Great
Grandroid's house.

- [babbles indistinctly]

- Now let's go.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

1 million space bucks,
here we come!

- [yelps] What the?

Why is this place
booby-trapped?

Why is this place
booby-trapped?

- Great Grandroid owned
a booby trap factory!

That's how he made
his fortune.

That's how he made
his fortune.

- Oh, yeah?

Well, now explain why
that furniture over there

is moving by itself.

is moving by itself.

[eerie music]

- We're in outer space, duh.

Now, let's go.
- [yelps]

Now, let's go.
- [yelps]

- Isn't this decor charming?

- Isn't this decor charming?

- [screams]

[chuckles uncomfortably]
Yeah. Early Transylvania.

[electronic glitching]

[screams]

[gasps]

[electronic beeping]

[electronic beeping]

[moose roars]

[screaming]

[groaning]

[groaning]

- You look beat.

Let's get you to bed.

Come on.

Well,
here are the guest rooms.

Well,
here are the guest rooms.

See you in the a.m.

- G-good night.

- G-good night.

- [sighs]
Now to recharge my battery.

- [sighs]
Now to recharge my battery.

[metallic clank]
Cozy.

[electronic whirring]
[Pat-Tron sighs]

- Just brush your teeth
and go to bed.

- Just brush your teeth
and go to bed.

Just brush your teeth
and go to bed.

[electricity buzzing]

Just brush your teeth
and go to bed.

[whimpers]

[whimpers]

[alarm buzzing]

- Ha, ha, ha.

- Ha, ha, ha.

- [whimpers] What the?

Oh.

- Oh.

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

- [screaming]

- Ha, ha, ha.

♪ ♪

- [panting]
Is it cool if I crash in here?

The AC is out in my room.

The AC is out in my room.

- Of course, buddy.
Well, good night.

[snores]

[snores]

- Ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[bell rings]

- Uh, Pat-Tron?

- [Pat-Tron's voice]
Ha, ha, ha!

Your time is up.

Your time is up.

- Great Caesar's ghost!

[screaming]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Pat-Tron, don't you know me?
I'm your pal!

Pat-Tron, don't you know me?
I'm your pal!

- Your time is up.

Your time is up.

[voice slowing]
Your time is up.

[voice slowing]
Your time is up.

- You OK there, buddy?

- You OK there, buddy?

- Never felt better.

But why is my emergency
death ray activated?

But why is my emergency
death ray activated?

- You got possessed
by an evil robot glitch.

It's out of you now,

but it's back inside
the circuitry of the house.

but it's back inside
the circuitry of the house.

- Sounds implausible.

- Ha, ha, ha.

- Ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha.

- Eh, you're seeing things.

- Eh, you're seeing things.

I'm going back to bed.

- Oh, no, you're not.

We've got
to purge this house's

corrupted operating system
before we get k*lled!

corrupted operating system
before we get k*lled!

The mainframe should
be in the basement.

I'll lead the way.

I'll lead the way.

From behind you.

- You are so brave.

- You are so brave.

[suspenseful music]

- [screams]

- [screams]

♪ ♪

It sure is dark down here.

- I can help with that.

Ha, ha, ha.

- Maybe we should
call an electrician.

- Maybe we should
call an electrician.

My cousin knows a guy who--

- Ha, ha, ha.

- Pat-Tron!

Help!
Hit the switch!

Hit the switch!

- Oh, all right.

- Oh, all right.

- [screams]

[wailing grunt]

You know, some days I'm glad
I didn't have you recycled.

You know, some days I'm glad
I didn't have you recycled.

Turn on the lights.

- And reboot!

- And reboot!

There!
The house is back to normal.

- [growls]

- [growls]

[both scream]

It's our old buddy, Al.

- What are you doing here?

- What are you doing here?

- Believe it or not,

I'm in your Great Grandroid's
will too.

- Awesome!

- Awesome!

- Hey, is it cool if
I crash in youse guys' room?

This place is creepy.

Gives me the willies.

Gives me the willies.

[snoring]

[peaceful music]

[peaceful music]

[all yawn]

- Great Grandroid?

- Great Grandroid?

- Nice going, kiddos.

You made it through the night,

and you cleared
that evil glitch.

and you cleared
that evil glitch.

As promised in my space will,
here's your space inheritance.

As promised in my space will,
here's your space inheritance.

- Great!

- Well, it was quite a night,
but we made it.

- Well, it was quite a night,
but we made it.

Ooh.

Say, Pat-Tron,
when you rebooted the house,

Say, Pat-Tron,
when you rebooted the house,

did you reset
our artificial orbit?

- I hope so.

Otherwise, we'd probably
crash into the sun.

Otherwise, we'd probably
crash into the sun.

- [gasps] Pat-Tron!

You idiot!

You idiot!

- Oopsie.

[peaceful music]

[peaceful music]

- There was no ice cream
in that future.

- There was no ice cream
in that future.

- There were nachos.

- Yeah, but it wasn't
even about me.

- Hmm.

- Hmm.

You're right.

[glass shatters]
Let's try a different method.

[glass shatters]
Let's try a different method.

Tarot cards.

Tarot cards.

- [whimpers]

- Card number one.

The hungry stomach.

The hungry stomach.

Card number two...

the empty fridge.

the empty fridge.

And card number three...

what have we here?

- Ooh!
Ice cream cone!

- Ooh!
Ice cream cone!

Oh, h*, h*!

- [laughs]

Or is it?

Or is it?

[dramatic music]

- [yells]

[snarling and grunting]

[snarling and grunting]

♪ ♪

- [snarls]

Oh!

[all snarling]

[all snarling]

all: Hmm?

- [grunts]

[all groaning]

[all groaning]

- [humming to self]

- Pat the Hapless, thank you
so much for saving our village.

- Pat the Hapless, thank you
so much for saving our village.

How can we ever repay--

You?

You?

- Oops.
Looks like I got carried away.

- No problem.
We know thy style.

- No problem.
We know thy style.

And now we must away!

Toodles!

[stately orchestral music]

[stately orchestral music]

- [sighs]
It's quittin' time.

[cheerful music]

[cheerful music]

♪ ♪

- Huh?

[tense music]

[tense music]

Jeez, Louise.

Is there anyone
I haven't beheaded?

♪ ♪

Home sweet home.

A great place
to lay down your heads.

A great place
to lay down your heads.

Now, let's see, let's see.

Hmm, ooh, can he go over--

Hmm, ooh, can he go over--

huh.

- You think you got enough
trophies there, pal?

- Well, we'll find
somewhere for you.

- Well, we'll find
somewhere for you.

But for now, I'll just
put you in the closet.

OK, good night.

- [grunts]

- [grunts]

[peaceful music]

[sighs] Nighty night.

- Psst, psst.

- Psst, psst.

[tense music]

- What?
- I'm hungry.

You got any snacks?
- [growls]

You got any snacks?
- [growls]

- [screams]

- [sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chatter]

What do you want?

I'm trying to get
my ugly sleep.

I'm trying to get
my ugly sleep.

- Us heads were talking,
and, well, we want to hang out.

- Us heads were talking,
and, well, we want to hang out.

- Yeah, we're bored.

We want to do something fun
for a change.

Right, g*ng?
all: Yeah!

Right, g*ng?
all: Yeah!

- You know, like playing
a board game or bowling.

[overlapping chatter]

[overlapping chatter]

- So you're not going
to let me sleep?

all: No!

all: No!

- But if I do stuff with you,
you'll let me sleep?

all: Yes!

- OK.

[cheerful music]

all: ♪ We were sailing along ♪

- ♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum ♪

- ♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum ♪

all: ♪ The moonlight bay ♪

- ♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ♪

- ♪ We could hear the-- ♪

- Meep!
- Meep, meep!

- Meep!
- Meep!

- Meep!

[triumphant orchestral music]

[bowling pins crash]
all: Meep!

[soft upbeat music]

[camera shutter clicks]

[camera shutter clicks]

- [babbles]

[laughter]

[all screaming]

[all screaming]

[camera shutter clicks]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[camera shutter clicks]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[rooster crows]

- Can it!
[rooster squawks]

[rooster squawking]

- Hey, wait!
It was my turn next!

- We were going to go kayaking.

- We were going to go kayaking.

- You were gonna help me
with my master's degree.

- I gotta get their heads
back on their bodies.

- I gotta get their heads
back on their bodies.

There's only one wizard
who can help.

Beelzebass.

Beelzebass.

- Is our next adventure
in that spooky castle?

- Is our next adventure
in that spooky castle?

[overlapping chatter]

- No!

Now, pipe down or I'll--

- Or you'll what?
Cut our heads off?

- Or you'll what?
Cut our heads off?

[laughter]

- You'll never get rid of us,
Pat the Hapless!

- You'll never get rid of us,
Pat the Hapless!

[thunderclap]

- Presto.

Pizza magika-la!

Pizza magika-la!

- Hey, that's mine!

- Beelzebass!
[loud banging]

Open up!

Open up!

[dramatic music]

[Pat the Hapless snarling]

[Pat the Hapless snarling]

- Oh, no!
It's Pat the Hapless!

[screams]

[screams]

- Hey!

♪ ♪

- Please!
No!

Stop!

Take pity on me!

Mercy!

Why are you doing this?

Why?

Why?

- I need your help.

- Huh?

- I need your help
to put everyone's heads

- I need your help
to put everyone's heads

back on their bodies.

- Did you say you need my help?

[chuckles]
Say please.

- [growls]

Please.

- Say pretty please.

- [growls]

[growling]
Pretty please.

[growling]
Pretty please.

- Say pretty please
with a cherry on top

and then do a little twirl.

and then do a little twirl.

I see I've asked too much.

Well, Pat the Hopeless,

Well, Pat the Hopeless,

I was going to help you,
but now you're on your own.

Good luck, chump.

[babbles indistinctly]

[babbles indistinctly]

Alakazoo!

- Hey, there you are!

- Hey, there you are!

- Hang with us!

- We're best friends forever!

[overlapping chatter]

[overlapping chatter]

[Pat the Hapless screams]

[Pat the Hapless screams]

- Freedom!

Well, at least now
I'll get some peace and quiet.

Well, at least now
I'll get some peace and quiet.

[expl*si*n]

- Hey, fellas,
it's Pat the Hapless.

- Just in time
to hang out with us.

- Just in time
to hang out with us.

- We got the whole month
all planned out.

- We got the whole month
all planned out.

- [screams]

- Again, no ice cream!

- Again, no ice cream!

And this time the fortune was
about a gosh darn caveman!

And this time the fortune was
about a gosh darn caveman!

- Barbarian, actually.

But I see your point.

Oh, enough
with the stupid cards.

Oh, enough
with the stupid cards.

We'll try palm reading,
all righty?

Now show me your palm.

Now show me your palm.

- Here.

- I meant
the palm of your hand.

- Oh.

Here.

Here.

- Hmm, let us look deep
into the tiny,

- Hmm, let us look deep
into the tiny,

twisting pathways of your soul.

[eerie music]

- [snoring]

- [snoring]

- Once upon
a midnight rumbling...

[stomach gurgling]

Tremors from
a tummy grumbling.

Tremors from
a tummy grumbling.

[ricochet sounds]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Outside,
the sky is dark and black,

perfect for
a late-night snack.

perfect for
a late-night snack.

Though he had dinner
mere hours before,

Patgor yearns
to eat some more.

Patgor yearns
to eat some more.

- I got a fast metabolism.

- To the fridge
Patgor does tread,

- To the fridge
Patgor does tread,

where he empties the contents

onto bread.

[eerie music]

[eerie music]

It is not yet time
for him to eat.

- It's not?

- It's not?

- This monstrous sandwich
requires some heat.

- Oh.

- A toaster
lacks sufficient volts.

- A toaster
lacks sufficient volts.

So Patgor will cook...

[Patgor grunts]

With lightning bolts.

With lightning bolts.

[thunderclap]

Flicking a switch
in the doctor's lab,

the sandwich lives!

the sandwich lives!

And it is mad.

[sandwich growls]

[sandwich growls]

As Patgor reaches
for his meal,

the sandwich bites him.

And Patgor squeals.

And Patgor squeals.

[Patgor screams]

Letting loose a mighty roar,
this sandwich yearns to...

Letting loose a mighty roar,
this sandwich yearns to...

- Patgor is hungry,
but he's not crazy.

- Patgor is hungry,
but he's not crazy.

He knows it's time
to run away-zy.

[Patgor screaming]

[Patgor screaming]

Chasing Patgor through
hall and door...

[sandwich roars]

[sandwich roars]

The sandwich vows to...

- Eat some more!

- The chaotic pursuit
makes the castle shake.

- The chaotic pursuit
makes the castle shake.

- What the dickens?

[groans]

- The monster and doctor
do awake.

- Huh?

[Doctor screams]

- They try to stop
this beast on rye.

- I'll cut your crust off!

- I'll cut your crust off!

- But the sandwich
eats them both.

Goodbye.

For Patgor,
this is the living end...

'cause no one eats
his two best friends.

'cause no one eats
his two best friends.

Using all his hungry wiles,
Patgor traps the sandwich...

Using all his hungry wiles,
Patgor traps the sandwich...

[Patgor grunts]
[sandwich shrieks]

- And feasts inside.

[sandwich shrieking]

[Patgor burps]

- Total disaster
Patgor did avert,

but before he can
contemplate dessert...

but before he can
contemplate dessert...

- Oh!

- Protest comes
from Patgor's tummy.

- 'Cause we're still in here,
you overfed dummy.

- 'Cause we're still in here,
you overfed dummy.

[yelps]

Bleh!

- Patgor, get us outta here!

- Patgor, get us outta here!

- Patgor heaves forth
a mighty upchuck.

- [sighs] Whatever you want,
narrator person.

- [sighs] Whatever you want,
narrator person.

- Releasing his chums
from his sickly gut.

- Releasing his chums
from his sickly gut.

[SpongeMonster grunts]

Once again, they are free.

Once again, they are free.

Patgor and his friends
make three.

- Sorry about
partially digesting you guys.

- Sorry about
partially digesting you guys.

- Now the doctor
will lock the fridge door.

- Darn tootin' I will.

- Darn tootin' I will.

- Lest Patgor should e'er...

- Eat some more!

- Eat some more!

[suspenseful music]

- If there's no ice cream
in my palm,

- If there's no ice cream
in my palm,

then there's no ice cream
in my future at all.

then there's no ice cream
in my future at all.

Is that what you're saying?

[Patrick whimpers]
- Uh, well, I, uh--

[Patrick whimpers]
- Uh, well, I, uh--

[Patrick bawling]

- Uh, excuse me for a moment.

- Uh, excuse me for a moment.

♪ ♪

Hap, you're up.

Hap, you're up.

Four scoops and make it funny.

[Pat the Hapless grunts]

[Pat the Hapless grunts]

[Patrick sobbing]

- I stepped outside.
I gazed into the heavens.

- I stepped outside.
I gazed into the heavens.

Yadda, yadda, yadda.
You're getting what you want.

[peaceful music box music]

- Ice cream!

- Ice cream!

[triumphant music]

[Patrick laughs deliriously]

Ice cream! Ice cream!

Ice cream! Ice cream!
Ice cream!

One quadruple scoop cone,
please.

[excited hyperventilating]

- Hey!

- Hey!

- Trick!

- And!

- Treat!

- Totally worth the wait.

all:
Happy Halloween, everybody!

all:
Happy Halloween, everybody!

[upbeat music]