29x01 - Excess Baggage

[bunniefuu]

- We came here to have a good time...

- Best roommates ever! [All cheering]

- But we had no clue.

- Everybody's hooking up. - [Laughs]

- Things couldn't be any better at all.

- Hello?

- Oh, [bleep].

- Why is my ex-girlfriend here?

We are all now living with our exes.

- I'm screwed.

- Sumbitch.

It's my ex-boyfriend.

- Before you was here, I was with her!

- This is the most ambushed I've ever been in my life.

I don't want you here!

- I will make his life hell.

- I'm done with you.

- Y'all showing up ruined this entire thing, bro.

- Tell me this girl doesn't look just like angelina jolie.

I see angelina.

- I think you want to see angelina.

- [Laughs] I think you're totally right.

When I meet people in person,

I just want to sleep with them. That's the problem.

Like, when I meet somebody on an online dating site,

Like, it's a requirement to get to know them first.

A lot of people are like,

"Oh, well, because your father wasn't around,

Is that why you're a l*sbian?" All this stuff.

I'm like, "no, I just really like [bleep].

Like, can you just shut the [bleep] up?"

- Okay. - I never grew up wanting

To be a model.

I actually hate that I'm a model.

Can you tell? Like, I hate it.

I want to become this, like, badass,

Like, horror-film director,

And if I need to be half naked

On the runway in order to do that,

I'm totally cool. [Laughs]

- I hear them all yelling.

How many people are back here?

I love growing up in the bronx.

Hey, you. Where's my high five?

I live in a nice, little secluded area--all italians.

Family's important. Family's number one.

- Yeah! [All cheering]

- It's, like, all I hear is my dad yelling

While he's playing flip cup.

I have a big reputation in the bronx.

I'm an m.c. I got the microphone.

The dj plays the music. I get them going.

I can go to a club and get any girl

To do anything I want.

- I'm from grand rapids, michigan.

I'm a personal trainer.

That's how it's done.

Growing up, we were definitely

Living almost paycheck to paycheck type of deal.

That's why I had to get out. I had to move to l.a.

I had to make my own path.

Wait, hold on.

Lauren just texted me.

Ooh, I got a picture this time. - Really?

- Me and lauren-- we dated for eight years.

- Lauren is on her own clock, isn't she?

- She is, man.

I wasn't the best I could have been to her,

But she still wants to be with me.

- Still can't beat your little brother, bro.

- I've been accused of being a snobby rich kid.

I am not a snobby rich kid.

My parents make money,

But I support myself by teaching tennis.

What do you think about the real world,bro?

- It'd be something that we can go back

And watch and be like, "wow, what an idiot."

I am definitely not the typical frat dude.

I don't go around sleeping with a lot of girls.

I want the few that I've been with to be like,

"He was good to me, and he treated me well."

I love you, girl.

If a girl has an attitude that is just badass,

That would probably be my perfect girl.

- ♪ You know her

♪ She's the one that's got it all ♪

- Cheers to [bleep] you.

I'm not gonna say I'm the best bartender in the world,

But let me just say, I bust out some drinks.

Even though I love you, I hate you.

I used to tour with bands.

That's how I met my ex.

We dated for three years.

We traveled all over the u.s.,

Partied with the craziest people.

It was an experience.

Of course I'm always gonna have something

In my heart for cameron.

I just don't want to be with him.

Whoo!

Now, jamie's single, ready to mingle.

Let's go.

- This is my neighborhood.

This is my hood.

I had to get out of kansas city

Because I wanted to take life by the horns.

L.a. Definitely brings the wild side out of me

And exaggerates it times ten.

My ex-boyfriend-- he wants me to behave

Like this quiet, nice girl,

But that's not who I am.

I can see myself at years old

Being at my grandkid's party, like, "whoo,"

Like, "let me pop the bottle."

- [Laughs]

Here's to all the guys we screw.

I hope they love us. I hope they hate us.

I hope they never want to [bleep] date us.

- [Laughs] - yeah.

Since I was a little girl, I always said

I was gonna move to california, and everyone would laugh

'Cause no one really leaves west virginia.

Like, "whoo!" - [Laughs]

- My friends say, "oh, ashley's spoiled,"

But that's not who I am.

I'm just really a goofball and silly and kind of a weirdo.

Let's just keep it classy. [Laughter]

[Cell phone rings] hello?

- Hi, this is the producing team from the real world.

You have been selected for the next season

Of the real world. [All screaming]

- And I wanted to let you know you have been selected.

- Aah!

- Oh, my god!

[Laughs]

- This season is in san francisco.

- San francisco, mother[bleep]!

[All cheering]

- Yeah!

- And you leave today.

- Wait. What?

- Whoa. What? Really?

- I am so unprepared. [Laughs]

Oh, my god, but you know what? That's my life.

I'm just spontaneous, and I can handle this.

I can handle this, but this is way bigger

Than anything I've ever been through or done,

And I need to go pack.

- Apparently, I have to pack my stuff, and I leave today.

- What?

Go where? Leave where?

Now? Today? No.

- Yeah. - How could you do that?

- I don't know. - You can't do that.

- I don't know. - How are you gonna do that?

- I don't know. I don't know.

She was like, "go." - No.

- Yeah. Yeah. - No.

Are you all right? - [Sniffles]

- Oh, come on.

Don't do that.

You'll be all right.

You'll be fine. You just got to be strong.

- You're the one who gives me the stro--

You're the one who gives me the strength, you do.

- Well, now you got to stay strong so that you're even--

You got to be in better health when I get back.

- No, I want to come out to visit.

- I hope you can.

My mom has cancer,

And she's had it numerous times since I was a little kid.

[Laughs] you have no faith in me at all.

- No, I was pushing for you,

But I didn't think you were gonna get it.

[Mumbles]

- I think leaving my mom in new york,

It sucks, but she knows that this is

Where I'm supposed to be,

And she understands that.

Mwah.

I love you. I'll be back soon.

I'll be back sooner than you know.

- I love you too.

- Going to the bay, baby. Let's do it.

[Take me home by cash cash]

- ♪ I still stay

♪ 'Cause you're the only thing I know ♪

♪ So won't you take

♪ Oh, won't you take me home?

- Can I be excited right now?

Can I just, like, tell y'all how excited I am?

'Cause--

Whoo-hoo.

- ♪ Home

♪ Home

♪ Home

♪ Take me

- I just want to get to the house already

And meet everybody.

And I hope there is a cute boy waiting for me.

♪

[Squeals]

[Giggles] I'm so excited.

Ahh! Hello?

Whoo!

- ♪ Take me home

♪ Home

♪ Home

♪ Take me home

- Oh, my god. It just got really real.

- Hi. - Hi.

How are you? - I'm jamie.

Nice to meet you. - Jenny. Nice to meet you.

- I'm gonna give you a hug. - Give me a hug.

I knew there was gonna be a tatted girl here.

I love it. I love it. - That's me. That's me.

- What it do?

Both: hello!

- Hey.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

- You're so tall. - It's the shoes.

It's the shoes. - Jamie.

- Jamie, nice to meet you. - Arielle.

- Oh, my god. You're my [bleep] roommate.

- What? Arielle. - Arielle.

- Arielle is just beautiful.

She's got just positive vibes going for her.

- Ahh! This is [bleep] awesome.

Whoo!

We run this space. - [Laughs]

- This is our house.

- Ahh!

All: hi. - Hey.

- All girls.

Yeah, [bleep]. That's awesome.

- Jamie.

- Ashley. Nice to meet you.

- So, wait, wait. Where are we from?

- I'm from here. - Okay. Perfect.

- All girls right now? - Yeah. All girls.

- Ahh. - Ashley, she's super sweet.

She does come in in a little club dress, though,

And some stiletto heels,

So I don't know whether to take her

As, like, a sweetheart or whether she's gonna be,

Like, the tr*mp of the house.

- I'm on a mission now to find the thermostat.

- Whoo. It's hot.

- It is deathly hot.

- Well, there's fireplaces in here.

- Wait, I'm confused.

- That's a mind[bleep], you guys.

That's a mind[bleep].

You see the fire, and you can't feel it.

- They're electronic fireplaces. They're not real.

- Oh. - I'm taking a seat.

- [Laughs] - do you have a boyfriend?

- No.

I have an ex-girlfriend pseudo

That I'm working things out with.

- Are you-- - oh, cool.

I'm in the same situation, but with a boy.

- "I'm pretty g*y." - "I'm pretty g*y."

- So all the way? - Pretty g*y.

- You don't like [bleep]? - No, I think it's fun.

They're, like, invasive though.

They're, like, little, like, "hey, what's up?"

Like, they're just big.

- Like monsters. [Roars]

- [Laughs]

- Anybody home?

- You're in a house with all girls.

- Hey. - Get out of here.

Yeah, right.

- Jenny.

- Hi, we're gonna give you [bleep].

- This is your best present ever.

- [Bleep].

- You can't complain when you got

Four hot girls with boobs all up on you.

- You can do it. Hey!

What's up, roommates?

All: hi.

- Cory, nice to meet everybody.

- Hey, hey.

- Whoa.

This guy's really hot. He has swagger.

Ooh, this could be bad.

[Upbeat music]

- Hey! - Hey, what's up?

- What up, guys?

- We're all here.

- Oh, my goodness!

- Thomas is a good-looking guy.

He's got his own style. He's definitely cute.

- I don't drink dark liquor. - Look at that.

- Tom definitely seems like

A typical frat boy. [Chuckles]

- Who's single?

- Apparently everyone.

- Apparently everybody.

- There's four females, three guys.

Let's get it going.

- Wait, tom. Can I join you or what?

- Cory, get the [bleep] in there.

Get in there, cory. - Cory, get over here!

- Get in there. - Let's do it.

Let's talk about these females.

- Oh. - Yeah.

- Everybody here is pretty good-looking.

- Hmm. See I'm gonna say and go with ashley and arielle.

- Okay. - My two.

- See? - Sorry, sorry, ladies.

I just have super-high standards.

- Let's talk about the chick with the big boobs.

Nice body.

She's sexy, I give her that, but, mm...

- She's definitely got a nice body.

She's pretty, but I feel like she's gonna be--

If anyone's gonna do anything--

- Troublemaker? - Yeah.

- I would love to be with my ex/boyfriend,

But cory--he, like, he looks a lot like cory.

My boyfriend, craze mix.

- I need to take a shot. - Oh, we already know.

We already know. - No, let's stop it right now.

Let's stop right now.

I want to travel the world.

I want to see everything.

I want to maybe adopt an ethiopian child.

I want to do some crazy-a*s [bleep].

- Who are these people? [Laughs]

- Let's do it.

- Everyone just so happens

To be single and to be, like, available.

It's gonna be crazy.

- All right.

Best roommates ever!

[Overlapping chatter]

[Clock ticking]

- Coming up on the real world...

- That b*tch has no idea who she's talking about.

Let's see what the house does without ashley here.

Dumbest mistake they've ever made in their life.

- Are we kissing right now? - No. Okay.

That's our hats kissing. - Oh, okay.

- Are these candies?

- There's so much candy. - Ooh.

Is there a gym? That'd be dope.

- Yeah, you know what?

My boyfriend is a trainer--

Is the trainer for the oracle sailors.

- Can he just come here and train us?

- Yeah. - But your boyfriend.

So it's official. You actually have a boyfriend.

- Oh. - [Laughs]

- He's a boyfriend when it's convenient.

- So ashley has this personal-trainer boyfriend.

Good, 'cause I need to, like, get this together.

- This is where, like, we're gonna be hopefully tonight,

Vessel, which is my favorite, favorite--

- Oh, we're going out tonight?

- Yeah. I know everyone.

I literally-- I know the bouncers.

- Don't tell me you're one of those, like, city--

Everyone knows you, every bar. - Yes. Yes.

- I can just be, like,

"Hey, I'm with ashley. Let me in."

And they're gonna be like, "oh, okay."

- No, you just walk in with me. - Okay.

- You can't say that, but if you walked in with me...

- I'll walk in with you. - [Laughs]

- Okay, this chick, she's gonna be some fun,

But hold back.

She might be some trouble.

I've seen these types before. Trust me.

- Can you come here?

Can we just get this over with, please?

- What? Oh, do you?

Oh, my god, so I never let people do that.

- I live in an all-italian neighborhood.

I'm never really interacting with a black girl

To be able to get up and touch the hair.

- I adore you this much.

You get seconds. - Okay, ready?

- That's more than I even wanted.

- Okay, well, . - , , ...

- No, you can't start yet! You can't start yet!

- , , , , , ... - To , .

- That's--that's a--

I'll even give you five. I'll give you five.

- , , . - [Laughing]

- I'll give you five more. Give me five.

- Awesome. Awesome. - I'm sorry. I had to.

- No, it's fine.

- Well, we want to go to vessel, if that is okay.

- Okay, sounds good. Thank you so much, honey.

- Thank you.

Okay, everyone get gorgeous 'cause let's go out.

- ♪ 'Cause I work like a woman ♪

♪ And he sweats like a god

♪ I'm always in a greasy kind of love ♪

♪ I'm always in a greasy kind of love ♪

♪ And how do you suffer when it starts to get rough? ♪

- [Cheers]

I can't drink it!

- ♪ I'm always in a greasy kind of love ♪

♪ I'm always in a greasy kind of love ♪

♪ I'm always in a greasy kind of love ♪

♪ I'm always in a greasy kind ♪

♪ Of love, love, love, love ♪

♪ Love, love, love, love

- It's night one,

And already I'm like, "this is gonna be amazing."

Everybody is insane.

- I've got an alter ego-- ashley and drunk ashley.

[Warped laughter]

- Arielle. - I'm francis.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

- Pleasure. - Jamie.

Earlier, you said that you had a personal-trainer boyfriend.

- My boyfriend is a trainer.

- This guys is not a personal trainer.

Where did this guy come from? Like--

- Of all four girls right now,

The best-looking girl here is arielle by far.

- Oh, tom.

I want to let tom down quick and easy.

There is no chance whatsoever.

Not gonna happen.

- Oh.

Well, I feel like an idiot right now.

- [Laughing]

- Oh!

- All right. Let's go.

- Come on. Come on.

- Why is it so hot in here? - Whoo!

- This is the fun house. - Oh, my god.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

This is our home. - We in the fun house.

- This is where I live.

- Everybody get naked.

We're getting in the tub. - I like this house.

- I'm jumping in that hot tub, butt-naked.

It's gonna go down.

- Not you. I didn't want you naked.

- I told him, baby.

I was gonna do it, and I'm doing it.

- Cory's literally naked. - Whoo!

- If anyone wants to see cory's junk, he's literally naked.

- Whoo! - Literally naked.

- Oh.

A hot tub by yourself isn't the best time.

It would have been better if I could have got some girls

In there with me or something.

I'll put on a bathing suit. Hold on.

- Where is everybody?

- Where are my bikinis?

- [Snoring]

- [Chuckles]

- The things I'm gonna do to you right now.

- [Chuckles]

- I'm really big on no cheating.

I don't tolerate it.

I've been cheated on.

It just sucks.

I'm sorry. Who are you?

- I'm her boyfriend.

- Yeah. He's from paris.

- Oh, is this your personal-trainer boyfriend

That you were just talking about?

- No. - [Laughs]

- Oh, so she's got a different boyfriend?

- No.

- You said your boyfriend was a personal trainer.

- No, his friend is the personal trainer.

- No, 'cause you said your boyfriend

Was a personal trainer.

- Jamie's trying to make me look stupid

In front of francis.

You're very wrong.

- No, I'm [bleep] your situation up.

That's what's happening.

- It takes every part in my body

Not to mash her face into the ground.

I just want to...

- You said your boyfriend was a personal trainer.

- You're very wrong.

- No, I'm [bleep] your situation up.

That's what's happening.

- It's none of her business

If I was "seeing" two guys.

- Is everything okay?

- No, apparently not.

Apparently not, 'cause her little frenchy boyfriend

Over there is not the same boyfriend

That was supposed to train us, so she's got two boyfriends.

She's [bleep] his best friend, and she's [bleep] him.

- That b*tch has no idea

Who she's [bleep] talking about.

You can't be in my city and talk [bleep] about me.

That b*tch needs to go to bed.

- I know, but she's gonna say the same thing about you

As you're gonna say about her.

- Okay, 'cause she's from this city.

Is she from san francisco? - No.

- Is that where she's from? - No.

- Where is she from? - I don't know.

- No one gives a [bleep]. Exactly.

- I know, but-- - so she's just talking [bleep]

'Cause she's [bleep] stupid. - I know, but--

- No, because who she's talking about

I didn't hook up with either. - It's okay, though.

- No, just don't [bleep] touch me right now.

Don't touch me right now.

- Look, calm down.

Don't act like you're a boss

When you're just a little club hopper, okay?

- We haven't even been here for a day.

Let's be--let's just--

Whoever is wrong, whoever is right doesn't matter.

- [Blowing nose loudly] - I didn't--

- You're k*lling my flow here!

- [Crying]

- I know.

- I feel like I'm in high school.

- I know.

I know. I know.

- [Sniffles]

I get picked on for no reason.

- We're on day one.

I just don't want anybody to do this already.

- I mean, I didn't-- - I know you didn't.

- Like, I didn't even start that.

- I know you didn't start-- I was here.

The whole boyfriend, "my boyfriend's a trainer."

She said her boyfriend was a trainer.

- She did, so... - He is not a frickin' trainer.

- No.

I am the cheat police.

I've got, like, this little radar.

Actually, my gauges--

They're little satellites.

They find the cheaters.

- She doesn't have a guy in her life.

That's why she's so [bleep],

'Cause she's single

And will never have a boyfriend...

- Hey, hey, hey, hey. Come on, now.

You don't need to do that. - 'Cause she tattooed

Her whole body from neck to ankle

And will never have a boyfriend.

- Look, you don't need to do that.

- I don't know who her family is,

But I promise my family will buy and sell her family.

- Okay, but it's not about that.

- No, I don't give a [bleep] no more.

- Your family will buy my family,

But that doesn't make you better than me.

- Yes, it does. Much-- - oh, so you're better?

Okay. All right. You're cool.

Go ahead.

- I don't give a [bleep] anymore about this house.

- You're not [bleep].

Just 'cause you got money doesn't make you [bleep]!

So if you ever talk about my family like that again--

I don't play that [bleep].

- I don't play that [bleep].

Don't ever come at my family like that.

Bottom line.

Just 'cause you've got money,

That [bleep] can go away in a day.

Get the [bleep] out of here

Just 'cause you're some little--man.

I'm not here to cause fights,

But if you start talking about my family,

You will feel the wrath.

- Let's see what the house does without ashley here.

- Is she famous?

- Apparently. - Like, is she famous?

Like, is she really rich or what?

Like, what makes her think-- - apparently.

- I don't know.

- All the clubs that you guys get into,

It's because of me.

Not because of the little drunk sl*t out there.

- It's night one. [Laughs]

Sweetie-- - it's night one.

It's night one, and that b*tch is

Done on my [bleep] list.

She thinks she's so much higher than me and cory and everybody

Apparently in this house.

She can [bleep] my [bleep] for all I care.

- Dumbest mistake they've ever made in their life.

They're like, "ashley, what will you do?

"Um, what can we do on saturday?

"What can we do on sunday?

What are the things to do in san francisco?"

I'll tell you.

Get the [bleep] out my city.

That's what you can do.

Get the [bleep] out of my city.

Welcome to san francisco, b*tch.

[Laughs]

[Lead balloonby carroll]

- ♪ Wake up in the morning

♪ With a feeling in my head

♪ Just another casual swirl

♪ Made of lies and lead

- What time is it? It's only :.

- ♪ Sink from the sky that you're falling from ♪

♪ Like a lead balloon

- What happened last night?

- We were all chilling.

Everyone was having a great time,

And then, all of a sudden, ashley got drunk

And just, like, tried to fight everybody.

- I don't care how drunk you are.

You will not talk about my family.

You will not say something disrespectful

Like that towards me.

I don't care if you're drunk, whatnot,

And I voiced my opinion.

Then I walked away. - Right.

- I'm glad I passed out, went to bed,

Passed out, and missed all the drama, ladies.

- [Laughs] no. - I missed all the drama.

- Hey, hey, it was really funny.

I called her out, though,

'Cause she straight up was just like,

"My whole family could buy your [bleep] family

And everybody else's in this house," blah, blah, blah,

Like, she went off, like, trying to go--

Her "rich girl" status.

- She straight up--

- Sorry, family. - No.

Apparently she can, so she says.

- [Crying]

What I did was embarrassing.

I'm really not good with confrontation.

I would rather just brush things under the rug if we could.

- Can I get italian herb and cheese?

- You have a boyfriend, right?

- Yeah, I mean, we're, like--

I mean, we've been together for four years,

But we kind of broke up a little while ago.

Brian is my "ex" back home,

If you want to call it that.

We tend to be very intense in our arguments,

But we always get back together somehow.

I, like, fell back in love with him,

But then, he, like, started,

Like, seeing this other girl, and so I'm like,

"[Bleep] it, dude. If we're not--"

- Wait, when do you guys, like, rekindle things?

- Like, a week before this.

- Honey oat as well. - I think.

- And then, within that week, he's--

- Yeah.

- Yeah, that's weird. - Can I get the cold-cut combo?

- Too early to have those conversations.

- It's too early to have this conversation.

- Too early for those conversations.

- It really is.

What's jacked up is, like, he's also a personal trainer

And looks like you.

When you walked in, I go, "oh, [bleep]."

[Laughs] - yep.

And then, I said, "I'm a personal trainer."

And you're like, "oh, this guy."

- Yeah. - This guy.

- I find cory attractive,

But it's somewhat of a dangerous attraction.

[Laughter]

- Hey, granny.

- Hey, baby. What are you doing?

- First night in the house didn't go too well.

Got in a fight with a girl. - Oh, it didn't?

- Well, I mean, I got in an argument with somebody.

Hopefully, we'll work past it, you know?

- Yeah, it'll get better. You'll make friends there.

- Yeah, I hope so.

I just hope it goes better than last night.

I was really sad. - Well, hang in there.

Show 'em you're a tough west virginia girl.

- West virginia girls are tough. [Laughs]

I'm just gonna do what my grandma says,

Be my sweet self until they can't help but like me.

- I'm gonna do planks.

- You want to do planks?

Seconds. - No, a minute.

- Seconds. You want seconds.

- Oh, sh**t. What's going on?

- This is a real plank.

- Wow. - [Laughs]

- Ashley wants to act like

Nothing happened last night,

And I can't stand people that do that.

You don't have enough guts to come up to me and apologize.

- This is good for your inner thigh?

- What? - Twerk, twerk, twerk,

Twerk, twerk, twerk. - Oh!

a*s out. She lifts up her skirt.

I'm thinking-- [[laughs] what?

Like-- [laughs]

- Wasn't there a new crossfit out right now?

- I don't care how sexy you are,

You're crazy.

- What you guys don't understand is that I don't lose at things.

- [Laughs] "I don't lose at things."

You did last night. You lost at alcohol.

- [Laughs]

- My ex-boyfriend was, like,

Super big on pool too.

- Your ex-boyfriend was big on pool?

- He was huge on pool.

My hatred for him is, like,

You wouldn't even understand. - Why? What went on?

- I toured with him for,

Like, the past three years, right?

And one day... - Whoo, three years.

- In november--this past november is when we broke up.

Cameron cheated on me multiple times,

And I didn't find out until after we were broken up.

And he broke up with me.

He straight up was just like, "I don't love you anymore.

I can't do this," blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, "all right.

"But if you're breaking up with me, it's the end.

Like, we're not getting back together."

A week later, I get a call back.

"I'm sorry."

I was just like, "no, I'm--i'm done."

When somebody breaks your heart,

You just have to get over it and move on with your life,

And the faster you get over it,

The faster you can find love again.

That's an easy shot.

- No pressure, but if you scratch, you lose.

- Oh. No.

Oh, my god. No. [Laughs]

- Yes!

- I made both of 'em though. - Winner.

- Winner by default.

- Winner. - By default!

Not by skill.

- I'm just gonna throw something out there.

I think it'd be dope if--if...

Tom and jamie--

[Chuckles]

It would so-- like, I don't know.

It just, like, it works. I don't know why.

- He's really funny. - He is.

- He's just not my type-- my usual type.

- I think it'd be cute to see jamie and tom together.

Sometimes you've got to just open yourself up to,

You know, something new.

- How are you handling yourself?

Do you feel like-- I mean, with our situation?

- My concern is that if you--

I mean, it's just very simple.

Do you want to be exclusive, or do you not?

- I would love to be exclusive,

But I would love to trust being exclusive.

- You are the one that I want.

- Okay, see that's something...

- And I told you that. - That I'm--

- No, I told you that. - Okay.

- And yet you go on this date with this girl.

And you're still continuing to talk to her,

Like, and that's fine if that's what you want,

But don't [bleep] around with me.

Don't go back and forth with me.

- I'm not gonna [bleep] around with you.

I don't really know how I feel.

Maybe I don't have everything out of my system.

- I feel like you're lying to me.

- About what?

- Because you told me that we were meant to be together,

And now you're telling me you don't know.

- I worry about our compatibility,

So I need to explore beyond that to see how compatible I am

Or could be with her in comparison with you

And what's right for me and healthy.

- I think he likes this new girl.

I would much rather hear from him

That he wants to just screw some girl

For some kind of physical satisfaction

Than to hear that his heart is getting closer

To another woman.

- Hearing you puts me in an unstable place

To make any kind of concrete decision

With being exclusive to you.

- Okay, thanks. That's all I needed to know.

[Slams phone down]

Ugh.

- You okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.

- Boyfriend? Ex? - Yeah.

Ex. Yeah. Ex.

Not boyfriend. Ex. - Are you okay?

- I'm just tired of being [bleep] around, dude.

I think that he believes

That I'm just going to hurt him

When it seems like all he's done is just hurt me.

[Flash floodby warships]

- You all right? - Yeah, I'm fine.

- Can I give you a hug? Come here.

You get a hug. You look great.

- Thank you.

Thank you. - You're welcome.

- Thanks.

- ♪ I'm waiting on a fast-forward ♪

♪ Diving in a flash flood

- What did he say?

- He's still talking to that girl.

He's becoming a different person,

And I don't know who he is anymore.

- Yeah, my--i mean, my ex changed like crazy.

Don't stick around for that bull[bleep].

I know it's somebody you care about

Because that's a person that's been so significant

In your life for so long, but you have to let it go.

You have an opportunity here right now.

- Oh, let's not even go there.

- Why? - No.

- Why not go there? - I don't even know this guy.

- So? You have three months to get to know him.

I'm trying to play matchmaker.

I just think they would be cute together.

So...

- What? - You and jenny?

- No. - No?

- I mean, she's pretty. - Yeah.

- There's that attraction there,

But you just saw what just happened.

Don't get me wrong,

She's beautiful, she's sexy, but I'm not about that drama.

I'm not trying to get involved with someone

That's not even done with their ex, you know?

- But she's just ended it, though.

Why wouldn't you go in to, like,

Scoop in and, like, help her and make her happy?

- 'Cause I'm not looking to get into anything serious.

I don't want to break the girl's heart.

- Well, I'm just saying it'd be cute.

- Damn, girl. - Yo. You are gonna look--

She gonna look sick! - I see you.

I see you. - You see me, girl?

- She's getting all club ready. - That's what I mean.

- You bet your sweet a*s

I'm gonna take advantage of this time.

I would say that I'm officially single.

Get at me.

- Stepping her game up.

- Your [bleep] look huge in that dress.

Can I just point that out?

They look ma-hoosive right now.

- That's just 'cause I have broad shoulders,

So it's like, pop.

- [Laughing] - do that again.

What is that? [Laughs]

- Can you do that pop again really quick?

- Can you do that again? - So it's like, pop.

- I love this place.

- My hope for tonight is that we all just have fun

And forget about last night completely

And just, like, start all over.

- Cheers.

- Whoo!

- Whoo!

- You're very attractive in your own way.

Tom is c*ck. You can tell.

He's just very confident, and he's not scared to say anything.

- Right now. Right now, okay.

Go up to that girl and ask her.

- Am i--

- Thank you.

Confidence just radiates off of him.

I love it.

- ♪ How to love somebody, how to treat somebody ♪

♪ Get to know somebody, get to love somebody ♪

- Cory is just like my ex.

The attraction is undeniable.

Whoa. But my brain says, "no.

"No, this guy's not good for you, like, back up, stop."

'Cause I got lost for a minute.

What's your name? - Doug.

What's your name? - Jenny.

- Jenny.

[Techno music]

♪

- Say you're sorry to me.

Say you're sorry.

Thank you.

Listen, I forgive you.

I love you, girl. You're my roommate.

- I'm so sorry.

- I'm not gonna sit there and hold a grudge on her.

She apologized.

I'm gonna let it go

Because I'm here to have a good time.

- Let's just end that! Let's just end that now!

- Done, done. - That's done. That's done.

Why would cory want to be all touchy-feely with ashley?

She's crazy.

Cory should just stay away from that mess of a situation.

- Can we go home? Can we just go home?

- We need to. - Hey, taxi, taxi.

I'll pay for it.

So that was good, baby.

[Mumbling]

- Oh, okay. You know, what are you doing?

I'm really confused because,

For the whole day, he's mad at her,

And now I'm the third wheel while ashley's

Lap-dancing cory in the middle of a cab.

I don't know what's going on anymore.

- I think we're there. We're here.

- Thank god.

- Hey.

Jenny brought somebody home, guys.

- I did not. Stop.

I did not bring home a guy. This guy followed me.

I'm not a rude person. I'm not gonna kick him out.

It was probably just a misunderstanding.

- Hot tub. Hot tub session.

- Ashley is throwing me vibes.

She's climbing on me. I'm loving it.

I'm feeling it.

[Laughs] - whatever.

- It's crazy. This is so crazy.

I guess ashley's not worried about her "boyfriend."

- Come here, come here, come here, come here.

- No.

I'm not getting involved in that.

Nope.

Because...

[Mutters]

You know what I'm saying, doug? - I hear you.

All I care about is that you're happy.

- [Giggles]

- [Mouthing]

- Let's do it. Come on.

- Shots, shots.

- Take 'em. Pour 'em up.

- No one else is getting in the hot tub,

And now it's just me and doug.

And I'm like, whoa. What's going on here?

- Hey, I'm going to bed, though.

- Are you gonna scratch my back?

- Tom wants me to scratch his back.

All right, I see what you're trying to do here.

I tell him he can come in my room.

You can close that door, though, too.

- For real? To scratch my back?

- Yeah.

- Feels good.

- I guess tom just loves back scratching.

I'm so tired.

I'll take that.

Now, we're getting somewhere.

Yay. [Laughs]

- So, doug... - Jenny.

- What's your passion in life?

- Music and food.

- I like garlic, and I like bananas.

And I can make hot cocoa with my feet.

- I really have a desire for hot cocoa right now.

- You're bad.

- In a good way?

- I don't know who this guy is, but I feel bad for him.

Doug, I'm getting hot.

- Well, you are.

- I mean temperature-wise. - Oh.

- I'm trying to drive that point home

That it's not gonna happen.

- Hey!

- Oh. - I'm--i'm sorry.

- Drunk ashley's back.

- Did I do that on purpose? I don't know.

- Who wants a burger?

- I'm good.

- Don't hold the pan like that.

First of all, it's dangerous.

- Do you want a hamburger? - No.

- Really? No, no, no. That's not cool.

Come on. That's not cool.

- Oh, I didn't mean to do that to you.

I'm sorry. - That's not cool.

- There were two perfectly good hamburgers,

And now arielle's got one on her ear.

- The audacity of somebody to throw hot oil

In someone's face-- like, that is crazy.

I'm telling myself, be cool and talk to her

About it when she's sober.

- What you just did was terrible.

I don't agree with that at all.

First of all,

You're wasting my food, and I'm hungry.

Second of all,

You don't throw grease on somebody's face.

Let's put you in her shoes.

I got hot grease. I got a burger.

Pow!

- You really think that's what I did just now?

- That is what you did. Ashley, what is wrong with you?

You're scaring me a little bit.

There's not gonna be anything between us.

Pfft, end of that.

You need to go apologize to her right now.

- Okay, okay, okay. - I'm trying to help you out.

Thank you. Thank you. Just go.

Just go say sorry.

- I'm very [...] Sorry.

What I did to you is not cool. - [Bleep].

That's a fair assessment.

We'll talk about it in the morning.

- Worry about it tomorrow.

We'll deal with everything tomorrow.

For now it's just bedtime.

I want to pick ashley up by her little thong

And give her a wedgie and hang her on the ceiling fan.

- What's wrong?

- [Bleep]. - What happened?

What the [...] Did I miss within a matter of ten minutes?

- I don't know. - What happened?

That doesn't make any sense.

- Can I talk to you real quick? - Sure.

- Come here.

- Can you talk to him? - It's gonna be quick.

- Just smile and be like this.

- I don't speak drunk.

- Right. - What happened?

- Ashley hit arielle in her face...

- [Gasps] - with a burger.

Where do you see that that's okay? Like--

- I need to know the facts.

- And second of all, I needed to get you away from him.

Okay, you're feeling him, so never mind.

- No, I'm not.

- He's not gonna leave.

- So I need you to do something about it.

- We need to get him out. [Laughs]

- That's the bottom line. - Let's get him out.

- See you around. - Nice to meet you too.

- We'll see you around. - I'll walk you to the door.

We appreciate you coming out.

Peace. - Dude, get out.

- To...

- To happiness, success.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

Booyah. - Okay, okay.

[Line trilling]

- You want to do a confessional?

- I feel like I need to. - I do too.

Let me get a bear hat on.

- ♪ Drumming on the headboard ♪

♪ Pulling on the red cord

♪ Turning off the light

- Oh, it's already on. Okay.

You look great in that hat. Okay.

- Are we kissing right now? - No.

That's our hats kissing. - Oh, okay.

Once again, the troublemaker made trouble tonight.

- [Crying]

- Who just throws a burger at somebody else's face?

- Who deserves that?

[Whispers] no one.

Nobody deserves that.

- ♪ I'm quite sure that this'll be the death of me ♪

♪ Ooh

- Don't go away--this episode of real worldcontinues right now.

- Wait. Hold on.

This is still recording. Stop.

Stop recording...now.

- [Crying] hi, pawpaw.

- What's up, baby doll?

- The people I live with are being mean to me,

And I don't know why.

[Sniffles]

- Don't let nobody be mean to you.

Be like pawpaw.

When I was with the boot camp in the army,

They talk mean to you,

But pawpaw hung right in there.

Mm-hmm.

- [Moans]

- So no offense, but everyone in this house is insignificant.

- In the confession room?

- Wait, no one's in there, right?

- Who would like to do a shot with me?

- I do. Hold on, wait.

I've had sex on top of a skyscraper.

I've had sex on top of a bowling alley.

I've had sex on the beach, but not in a bear suit.

First time for everything.

- Bear sex--

Check. [Laughs]

- What did you just do? - Nothing.

I did a confession.

- [Laughs]

- That was a big confession.

[Laughter]

- Is that her? - Hey, we're calling her.

- We got your girl on the phone.

- Ah! I'm sorry.

- Jenna is my ex-girl,

And I want to keep in contact with her as much as I can.

Jenna, I can't see your face. - It's right here.

- It's not on my screen.

- What do you mean? Like, closer?

- Jenna, I have your chin to your boobs. That's all.

- There we go. Is that better? - No.

No, I'm looking at your boobs.

- Really? I see my whole face. - Up higher.

A little bit, little bit,

Higher, higher. - Better?

Oh, no. [Laughter]

- Do you want to retry and call back?