26x07 - It's My Party and I'll Bang If I Want To

[bunniefuu]

- Previously on the real world...

- It is very sexy to see a girl sh**t a g*n--

Especially an attractive one.

Regarding ashley and I hooking up--

Never say never.

- He's hot.

He's just big and he's buff. [Screams]

I'm not drinking tequila around him,

That's for damn sure.

[Laughing] dip.

You're good! You got it!

- I meet mike.

I really like him a lot.

- Yeah.

- Bye, guys. - Hey, man, drive safe.

- Thank you. - [Laughs]

- What do you think?

- That's so classy.

- I'm having a really good time with zach.

I'm psyched.

I'm psyched to be zach's friend.

Zach?

- You look good.

- Is this casual beachwear?

- This is the true story...

- [Laughter]

- ...of seven strangers...

- Greatest idea ever!

- ...picked to live in a house...

- Don't tell me what to do!

- ...work together...

- Score!

- ...and have their lives taped.

- The house is on fire!

- Find out what happens...

- You guys are so gross.

- Wow!

- ...when people stop being polite...

- Make a move, it's gonna explode.

- ...and start getting real.

-The real world.

All: san diego! [Laughter]

[Upbeat dance music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Oh, I can see you shake it ♪

♪ Shake it all around ♪

♪ Shake it to me, baby ♪

♪ You're shaking up the ground ♪

♪ She can see me coming ♪

♪ Coming for her love ♪

♪ Coming to the fun ♪

♪ Who can say what's to come ♪

- The thing is about zach and ashley,

It's like watching

A corny taylor swift music video unfold.

- ♪ Bottom line to the upside ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ Is one day at a time ♪

- I do not understand how he is not

Just taking ashley to pound town.

- ♪ Is I will be just fine ♪

♪ Uh ♪

♪ Bada ba ba ba ♪

♪ I will be just fine ♪

♪ Bada ba ba ba ♪

- Hello. - Hi.

- Let's go!

- I'm so hammered. I love it.

- [Laughter]

- Ow!

- Hi, guys.

- Let's drive the car forward.

- Tonight was so much fun.

- I had two hot dogs tonight.

- You guys better stop [bleep] making out.

- Oh, my god! That was awesome!

- Oh, nobody saw that. - Thank god.

- I want to party.

- We give you permission to release sexual tension

In the house by [bleep] tonight.

- Wow!

- Whoa. - Wow.

It's getting intense in the backseat.

- Oh, make out again.

[Laughs] I love it because I wanna be making out.

- I'm not getting laid tonight.

- Damn it.

- Where's my purse?

- I'm so excited tonight.

- Oh, it's smiley ashley.

- [Squeals] oh, my god!

- I got drunk. - Oh, my god.

- Holy [bleep], it's really strong.

- Ashley and zach are not having sex.

What I wanna know is, why aren't they?

- You're going to bed already?

- This is the earliest I've gone to bed.

- Zach is a very attractive male.

- Go ahead, you can tell me some childhood stories.

- Ashley is a very attractive female.

- [Laughs] you have better ones.

- No, I don't.

- Normally, when very attractive people get together,

Things sort of spark.

- You have no childhood stories?

- I do. - Well?

- Can't think of a good one, though.

- All right, you think of a good one,

And I'll think of a great one.

- To say that I don't wanna hook up with zach

Would be just me lying.

You would think that, alcohol involved,

Maybe something would happen,

But neither one of us kinda instigated.

- I just wanna-- I'm just gonna wait

For him to get here,

And then we'll hop on board with plans.

- Cool.

- Mike is coming back to visit frank.

- Hello.

- I think it's so sweet.

Michael, god, you're here.

So happy to see you.

I think michael is awesome.

- We have been sitting waiting for you.

- Well, we have nothing to do.

Mike is what I'm looking for in a relationship,

So why not go with it?

I've never felt this happy.

I feel like a -year-old schoolgirl,

And I am so ready to pull down

My catholic schoolgirl skirt.

- Hello? - Hi.

- Baby, I have something to tell you.

- What?

- Your phone rang yesterday.

- And?

- Who do you think it was?

Yeah.

He was really hoping that he could see you when this...

- Dylan is an ex-boyfriend of mine

That has been in and out of my life

For the last five years.

Okay, bye. - Bye.

- Even though dylan and I broke up officially a year ago,

He's still somebody that's definitely been in my mind.

Things with dylan and I have just never felt conclusive,

And they've never gone away for good.

I saw him for, like, two weeks or something in december,

And then in january, just out of nowhere,

He, like, completely stopped talking to me.

What gets me--it's like, you would think that fine,

You're done, you're done, and then five months go by,

And I get another phone call.

If the story had just been we broke up

Because he left to school, then fine,

We broke up 'cause he left to school.

But I keep hearing from my mom and from my friends

That he is emailing, that he's reaching out.

- Okay. If he wasn't calling all the time,

Would you think about him?

- I think about him anyways,

And I wish I don't, and it just makes it harder.

- Yeah, and that just adds to it.

- It's just the fact that we've been together for years,

It's like, I don't know how to let go of it.

I don't know that I should, especially if he's--

- If you're thinking about him

Outside of the fact that people are telling you about him,

Then it sounds like you should probably just talk to him.

- You like ponytails? Congratulate me.

It's my first full pony.

- Congratulations.

It's my birthday this week, and it's zach's birthday.

- Yeah.

- We have friends from home coming.

- I'm happy. You like my shorts?

- Oh, dang.

Lots of people are gonna be around.

It's just gonna be a good time.

- Whoo. - Ugh, okay.

- Okay, then this is backwards.

- It looks good. - I feel like I'm--

- You have a crazy a*s.

Oh, my god.

- All right. That's fine.

- Okay.

g*y man says yes. I'm good.

- You're in.

- Michael is a cool guy to have around for the weekend.

He keeps frank in good spirits.

So I really like when he's around.

- [Laughs] - right?

- 'Cause it's my birthday and ashley's birthday

Those two days.

My two friends are coming down.

Ashley has like four friends coming down.

We're gonna throw a huge bash.

My friends would love that, honestly.

- Yeah. - Brock would love that.

[Laid-back dance music]

- Tonight we're all really excited about going

To this new bar called side bar.

♪ ♪

- Hello. - Hello.

- Let's sit down.

♪ ♪

- I really don't want to step in.

- We really like him. He's so very nice.

You're a very nice man.

- I like you.

- No, you really are.

You're very nice.

- Whoo!

- ♪ I'm trying to give you a chance ♪

♪ But you keep pushin' off ♪

♪ So I'm gonna teach you a lesson ♪

- Ashley is beggin' for it.

She is diggin' those fingernails into zach's back

And just tearing him apart,

And zach isn't throwing it out there.

- There you go.

- Smashtray will just get hammered

And start screaming, "I'm horny."

I think zach's the one putting the brakes on.

- You know, I wanna k*ll you.

- Why do you wanna k*ll me?

- Sometimes you're a little bit of a [bleep]head.

- You're right.

- Can you guys just have sex?

- Peer pressure coming from my roommate,

It's actually very annoying.

I do wish my roommates would stay out of my business.

- Girls!

- Yeah!

Whoo! - Oh, hi.

- [Laughing]

- Oh, yeah. I heard that [bleep].

- Whoo!

- Did anybody else hear what just happened?

- My response is

I'm not having this conversation with you right now.

- "I've got three months.

Tell me why I should spend it with you."

Was that the question?

- Could you not be an a*s[bleep]

And announce it to the entire car?

- But you know--

- Ashley starts crying, you know,

And I feel bad.

- I do. You're right.

- I think zach does care a lot about ashley.

And so to see ashley crying, you know,

It really gets to zach.

- Explain to me how I did anything wrong.

- Because you got in the car and you said,

"Why should I spend the next three months with you?"

- I wasn't saying it like that.

- You said it out loud in front of everyone.

You know how I feel.

I tell you every day when we walk.

I tell you every day.

I really care about you, so come on.

- No one heard it but sam.

And I'm sorry. She wasn't supposed to hear it.

- So--i know, and exactly. That's our problem.

So who cares? It's sam. Let's go.

- I know, but you're mad at me. - I'm not mad.

The only reason I'm mad

Is because I'm carrying a purse and high heels,

And you are not coming with me.

- [Laughing] okay, I'm coming.

- When they were in the backseat and she was like,

"I have / months, why should I spend it with you"

Or something like that...

I said that out loud. Yeah, okay, sorry.

If you wanna have a private a and b conversation--

- Don't talk [bleep] to a -year-old.

Screw you. You're nothin'.

Stay the hell away from me.

- Screw you.

Stay the hell away from me.

Laugh because you're a badass.

Because you think you're a badass.

But guess what. You're not.

You don't know anything.

Step up. Say it to my face.

- Okay.

- Step up. Say it to my face--no.

- Okay, so I'm stepping up, and you walk away.

- Go ahead, say something.

- Good job, zach. - Say it to my face.

- High five. - Guess what, you're a girl.

- Exactly. Exactly. - I got nothing to say you.

You talk [bleep] all the time.

You're nothin'. You are nothin'.

- And neither are you, so shut the [bleep] up.

- Nothin'? Yeah, exactly, you're not.

- Dude, get the [bleep] out of here, zach.

- Yeah? What are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do? Eat a pizza?

- Zach is actually telling sam

To eat another piece of pizza.

It sounds like two neanderthals

Fighting over a piece of meat.

- Oh, my god.

- Just don't pay attention to him.

I'm over this arguing.

- Yes.

- I know he's drunk,

And I'm putting most of the situation on that.

- You can talk [bleep] about me all you want,

But guess what, you talk about [bleep] ashley,

That's bull[...].

What sam did in the car was embarrassing to ashley,

And it actually made ashley cry,

So I think I'm actually being protective of her.

- This morning I'm not gonna put any effort

Towards repairing zach and my relationship.

In some way it'll pass, and we'll be good again.

- Ugh.

- Good.

- You feel good?

- I do, actually.

[Phone ringing]

- Hello?

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi.

I haven't talked to dylan in about eight months.

- I guess there's things that I wanna say

And I wanna explain and I wanna--

- Whatever happened in january,

Four months ago, that you just decided,

"You know what, she doesn't deserve a phone call

Or an explanation or anything on my part"?

- I don't think over the phone is completely right.

- Yeah, no, absolutely.

I think for the fact that things were left so inconclusive,

The only way to really get my answers is

If I see dylan face to face.

Wednesday?

- Yeah. - See you soon.

- Bye. - Bye.

- How was your talk?

- I don't know, not bad.

I'm surprised I got a call, kind of.

He goes, "I wanna talk to you."

- That's cool. - And he's coming here.

If he's that eager to get a hold of me,

Maybe it's just worth listening to, if nothing else.

- Yeah, just make sure that you go into it

Really, really strong.

You know, be the priscilla we know

Who stands up for herself.

And you have nothing to stress about.

He's the one who should be stressing

Because he is the one who messed up.

He's the one who needs to figure out

If he can be what you deserve.

- I hope we'll be on time.

- I don't know how we're on time.

Two minutes early.

- Now we're on it. - Yeah, on time.

- Yeah. - [Cheers and applause]

Hey, guys, welcome to the zombie walk.

This is gonna be a great event.

- ♪ Day da-da day ♪

- We're gonna make you guys up.

Once we make you guys up,

You're actually gonna take the walk,

And during that time,

You're gonna be passing out our flyers.

And it's gonna be four hours

And just a good time.

- [Cheers and applause]

- We're doing this zombie walk,

Which is a tradition here in san diego for comic-con.

- Comic-con is a huge convention

That goes on every year in san diego.

- Can I just have like a g*nsh*t in my head?

- Yes. - And that's it?

- Yes!

- Do you want a couple of gashes?

- I want gashes all over my face.

- All right.

- I'm going to make a cut, okay?

Yeah, gonna go right here. Okay.

- All right.

- Zach asks me to help him cut his shirt.

For me that's weird,

Especially with what happened last night.

- I can barely fit. - Oh, yeah.

But also it's a good thing,

You know, it's just blowing over.

- Alex, look at this idea.

- You could have two-- two boob holes.

- [Grunts] ohh.

- [Laughter]

- Oh!

- [Screams]

- I'm so dead right now.

- Welcome to the zombie walk.

- You realize how hard it's gonna be

To pick up a chick with this zombie thing on?

- Or if you look at it the other way,

She could be into that [bleep], and it can be easy.

- Oh, that'd be super-sweet.

- [Cheers]

- Ah.

- Zombie!

- Aquabats at the house of blues.

- Aquabats, house of blues tonight.

- It's cool to get painted up and be a zombie

For an hour.

But I can't even make out with my boyfriend

Because every time I try to,

I get blood in his mouth-- fake blood.

- House of blues loves zombies.

- Lose it, nate. Lose it.

Just lose it. Lose yourself to the music.

- Come on. I got you.

- [Laughter]

- Priscilla and I are having a fantastic time

Being the living dead.

- You guys look awful.

[Eerie music]

- House of blues.

[Growling and screaming]

- Can I get some makeup remover, please?

- [Bleep]!

[Laughter] man, what the [bleep]?

I can't handle the paddle.

- You know what?

I will be, probably, the happiest roommate

If I can walk away from here with you

And being friends with nate and zach again,

Like %.

- Wow.

- It's high, right?

- You suck.

- You're like-- - no, he doesn't.

- Really? - He's been--

He's been shredding me and zach.

- Now I trust you, and I'm excited.

I'd--i don't have--

I don't have anywhere to go.

I was gonna go to l.a. Or new york.

What's the difference?

- Frank and mike,

They are already talking about moving in,

Already talking about buying cars together,

Getting dogs together.

- I like you. It's okay.

- Everybody likes you.

- [Laughs] - oh, yeah.

In a month and a half, we'll be at a wedding,

So yeah.

[Laughter]

- Can I be the best man?

- Totally. - You're my best man.

- Whose--whose best man? - Yeah.

- Can I just be the flower girl?

- [Laughs]

- In a tux. Can I be a flower girl?

- That's the most [bleep] wedding.

- Bye, kids. Have fun.

- You're leaving? - Yeah, I'll see you saturday.

- Bye. Love you.

- I'm pretty much counting down the days

Until I get to see mike again,

And oddly enough, it's for zach and ashley's birthday party.

- Okay, bye.

- Until then, I don't really know what I'm gonna do.

I've never been in a relationship,

Let alone one where I can't see the other person,

So I don't know how this is gonna be.

- Oh, he's sad.

- Awww. - [Sobbing]

- But isn't it good, the way you feel?

- Not right now.

- Maybe this is a really good way

Of keeping things, like, real,

Because you missing him this much

Helps to confirm how much you care.

- I just--i've never--

I'm just like I'm feeling.

I've never done this before.

- He feels just the same way.

It also is a very realistic way

To start a relationship, you know?

- It's like--it's--

It's everything that I've ever looked for.

- And you know he feels the same.

- It's--it's-- it just blows me away.

- Whoo! Shopping.

All right. Let's go shopping.

[Laughing]

- Hey, you're over in the guys' section.

You wanna go to the girls'?

- Nope. Buying for guys.

There's so much st--

Look at all these hats on the wall.

Obviously, me and zach spend a lot of time together,

And I know everything he likes.

Oh, my gosh.

He has always looked online at cowboy boots.

Probably every night we do.

And I decide for his birthday to buy him one.

Like, how do you even know if you're getting a good pair?

- Is he super-cowboy? - No, not really.

- Square toes are really popular.

- He likes square toes. He doesn't like--yeah.

- All your hardcore rodeo guys,

They like the square toe.

- He's gonna love anything you get him.

- This is a snip toe. This is ostrich leg.

- That's, like, all of them around that price range, right?

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay. Let's do it.

[Western-themed music]

- $..

- It'll make him happy,

And I'm all about buying gifts

That just make someone really happy.

- You can make him real cowboy up.

- Yeah, right.

- I do know that ashley

Really, really misses having sex.

I don't know if it will happen,

But I can say

That some ostrich cowboy boots make that easier for her.

- That's true.

- So--wait, so you got that stuck in your throat,

And then what happened?

- And then my chest--

It felt like heartburn or something.

Mom wanted to take me to urgent care,

But that costs bucks.

I'm not going there.

But anyways, I knew I wasn't having a heart attack.

- My dad is the toughest person I know.

- Everything's fine now.

- My dad is a very big role model for me.

He has led by example his entire life.

- Okay.

Now, the other day,

Uncle brian showed me this thing on this, uh,

Whatever, some tape.

And you're at some club,

And you grabbed someone in the crowd.

I'm assuming it was a girl.

That's somebody's daughter, sister.

Come on, zach.

That's not how you were raised.

All right?

- All right.

- Don't lower yourself down

To the lowest common denominator

Out in the land of fruits and nuts.

- Okay.

- All right? - All right.

- Be good.

Don't let me watch any more

Of these, uh, whatever they are.

Whatever it is.

- Love you. - Love you, too.

- Zach and I were definitely raised

Very similar.

We both come from conservative families,

Which plays a part in how we're so similar

And we're drawn together.

[Sighs]

[Italian-themed music]

♪ ♪

- I don't know what the future holds for me.

Right now my future is michael,

So that's pretty [bleep] good.

- Come on. - All right.

- That's scissoring. That's what we need.

- Ahhh. - That's my dad.

Zach's struggle with breaking free

Of his conservative background and accepting me

As one of his friends,

I think that that whole ride has been genuine for him.

How about you? - Yeah.

[Indistinct chatter]

- Thank you.

I just--i've been farting since we walked out the door.

- So have i. I just farted.

[Laughter]

- No, but I had one of those ones

That just keeps coming.

- Friendship fartsies?

- [Laughing] yeah.

- Ash, can I have another breath mint?

- Sure.

- Ash, can I have a [bleep]?

[Laughing]

- Oh, my god. - [Indistinct]

- [Laughing] oh, my god, stop.

- She didn't say no.

- No. - Take note.

- Do I think zach

Wants to have sex with ashley?

[Humming] - ♪ zach and ashley ♪

Then byron plays his chord.

Both: ♪ zach and ashley ♪

- Oh, my gosh, stop.

- ♪ Until you start [bleep] ♪

♪ Zach and ashley ♪

- I'm a loser? - ♪ She's always [bleep] ♪

♪ Zach and ashley ♪

♪ He can't get a b*ner ♪

♪ Zach and ashley ♪

- ♪ So now she's a loner ♪

It's ash bash.

- [Laughing]

- I'm not going out with these two guys alone.

- I love that.

- [Humming]

Oh, [bleep]. Ah, [bleep].

Alex...

- He's gonna come. He said he's coming.

- Right.

Okay. Yeah.

Dylan is getting ready to come over to my house,

And I literally wanna die.

I am just second-guessing myself,

And I'm nervous, and I'm doubtful.

And is this the right thing to do?

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

I wanna k*ll myself.

[Doorbell ringing]

Oh, [bleep].

Hi. - [Laughs]

- Hi.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- Good.

- Hi.

Wanna check out the house?

- Yeah, why don't you give me a tour?

- That's my phone room.

[Bell ringing]

- It's like you're on thetitanic.

Hi. Dylan.

- Alex. Nice to meet you, dylan.

- Alex.

- Hey, man. - How you doing?

- I'm frank. - Hey, frank, I'm dylan.

- Nice to meet you. - Same.

- I know another redhead. - Do you?

- Yeah. - [Laughing]

- Priscilla's told me that she likes nerdy guys.

So, when I meet dylan,

I'm not really all that surprised.

I just didn't know that we were pulling actors

Fromharry potter.

Be nice to priscilla, or I'll k*ll you.

Ha, ha.

- Oh, franklin.

- Someone's being a little aggressive.

- I don't know what I plan to do,

But I do know that I deserve answers.

How are you able to just leave me out

Of anything you're thinking

And completely cut me out of your life?

That's a-- it's a terrible thing to do.

- It's like, at the time, I thought you weren't ready

For that kind of distance relationship.

- I would think common sense is to treat someone

Like a human

And pick up the phone and call.

The only thing that I could think

Is I completely overestimated

What our relationship was

Or how you felt about it or me.

You can't care about somebody and not talk to them,

And you can't claim to have all these feelings

For somebody and then just--

And then just disappear.

- I don't want to ask you to be understanding of me.

But I have this conversation with my friends

All the time.

I'm like, "why don't I want anything with anyone else?"

I try, but every time I sit down for a date,

I'm like, "if priscilla was to call me right now,

I'd drop everything."

- I'm supposed to believe that you care about me?

- I always have.

[Sentimental music]

♪ ♪

- I don't know if I want anything

To go anywhere with dylan.

But the feelings are there.

I was talking to sam,

And it's like, we'll kind of all joke,

Or we'll sit in the jacuzzi, like, "oh, well,

How many people have you slept with?"

And I'll be like, "less than five."

- Huh.

- I really mean less than two.

- ♪ Can we turn back, turn back ♪

♪ Turn back ♪

♪ To where we're beautiful ♪

♪ Or are we too far down that road ♪

♪ To turn back ♪

[Engine rumbling]

- Okay.

Okay. Okay.

- Oh, by the way, that back door's open.

- Will you get it?

[Laughing]

- As soon as I see the box,

I know exactly what it is.

I don't want it.

We're returning it.

- [Laughs]

- You see these?

These are like $.

- You can't be mad at me.

- Yeah, I can.

- No, you can't.

'Cause you like 'em, right?

[Laughing]

- What am I supposed to do?

- I want to do something nice for him

Because he's not only the closest person to me,

He's like my best friend in the house, too.

- Oh, my gosh.

Like, that's literally the best gift I've ever gotten.

I'm ecstatic.

All right, let's play pig.

First shot.

- Come on.

- Air ball. You're terrible.

You're terrible.

I think you're gonna hurt someone with that shot.

- Just you.

- Or someone walking down the street.

- [Laughs]

- Oh, my lord.

I thought you said you were good at sports.

- I've never played a single sport.

I guess I was a cheerleader, but that's about it.

- I'll teach you how to sh**t.

- I don't need you to teach me how to do anything.

- Let me show you how to sh**t. Come up close.

She has absolutely no idea

How to sh**t a basketball.

Hand out front. Keep your elbow in.

But she tries, and being able to go out

And do this stuff with me does bring us closer.

- [Grunts] - oh, see?

You just made that shot.

- [Laughs]

- That looks way better.

- [Laughing]

- I have really narrow hips for a guy.

My squat and deadlifts

Still aren't anywhere where I want 'em to be.

- Where do you want them to be,

And for what reason?

- I just like to compete with myself.

Like, see if I can, like, how much I increase my bench,

How much I can do this, how much I can do that.

I don't know. - Like me, just [bleep]?

- [Laughs]

- How fast he can get his [bleep] in?

- [Laughing] I like that.

See, we can have a bang-off on wednesday night

If you actually go be a man and [bleep] ashley

On her birthday.

- Will not, nope. I will not do that.

You can talk to me about this all you want,

But I will not do it.

- Back me up here, nate.

- You gotta give her the pork whistle on--

- It's her birthday. - ♪ Birthday sex ♪

- It's her birthday.

- Zach!

- [Laughing] - that's it.

I'm gonna go shower, frank,

'Cause you're being a jerk.

- Come here!

- Some guys have self-control

And are heroes, like me,

And some guys can't function without it.

- [Sighs]

[Water running]

- Cold showers. Cold showers.

Cold showers.

- I feel like okay, you made a mistake.

And I'm so frustrated with myself

Because I feel like I should know better.

- Are you naked, priscilla? [Giggling]

Dylan! Are you naked too?

You were having sex!

I'm so proud of you.

- I don't know what they did. I hope they had sex.

I hope someone in this house had sex.

- [Laughing] oh, my goodness.

- It would be so easy to fall back into

This old relationship with dylan.

To be honest, I just don't trust myself with it.

- Things are good then? - I don't know.

I'm like, uh, am I making

A really, really bad choice right now?

- Yeah.

- If this is genuinely what you want,

I mean, you can give him a shot.

But it's a shot at earning your trust back

And not a shot at being his girlfriend.

- And I don't need to put myself in that at all.

- It's really easy to be like "I'm so sorry, baby.

I'll do anything to fix it."

Now he needs to prove it.

- You're so right.

I just--i don't need to have it figured out right now.

- You don't.

It's not like you even ever figure it out.

All you can really do is take it day by day.

He needs to clean the slate off.

You can hand him the rag and the chalkboard

And say "go." - Yeah.

My only goal is to keep talking to dylan.

There's a lot to talk about and to think out

And I really wanna figure out what is going to make me happy.

Wow, I feel so much like lighter.

[Line trilling]

- Hi, you've reached the cell phone of trent.

[Clicking phone, dial tone] - just stop.

- I'm the smart one of my friends

If that makes sense to you.

Just listen to this [bleep] voice mail.

[Line trilling]

- Hello? Hello?

Ha! Voice mail. You know what to do, stupid.

- [Giggling]

- Hey, brock, this is zach.

Um, when you get this message, call the house number--

The one here, not in brighton--

And leave your flight number and what airline you're on

And I'm still gonna break your legs

Because of your voice mail.

All right, love you. Bye.

Let's do this. - Heck yeah.

- Let's go pick up beavis and butt-head.

- See you later.

- Have fun!

- Hers has...some condies.

- How many ping pong paddles can we get?

I wanna have a weird orgy.

- [Laughs] ashley and zach's birthday is gonna be

Just one huge [bleep] show.

We're all in for something.

- Oh, I wanna frost a cake.

How do you know if this is good or not?

- Just--i don't know.

- Some stamina. - Mm-hmm.

- Little [bleep] thingy.

- Hand massage, [indistinct] massage.

[Bleep]. - [Laughs]

- Good? - Yeah.

- All right.

- And then I put in some of my astroglide

That I don't want anymore.

Because if they're gonna do it, they better do it all night.

It's almost out, but that looks nice.

Look how nice that is.

- That's how you engineer a sex-box.

- Zach!

[Laughs] how are you doing, man?

- Oh, I'm good.

- It is mine and zach's birthday,

And we have some visitors from home coming,

So I'm kind of excited to see some friends and celebrate.

- [Laughs]

- I was like you're never gonna see--

- I don't see her.

- [Chuckles] - hi.

- My girlfriend alana is here

And zach has his two friends from home,

So I'm excited to see kinda what he's like around them.

[Phone ringing]

- What's up, babe? - Hi, baby.

- What are you doin'? - Driving.

- Yes. - There's a tad bit of traffic.

- I hate waiting around for michael to get here.

I'm gonna go crazy. I'm already crazy enough.

Yeah. Hurry the [bleep] up.

- See you in a little bit.

Okay. - Bye.

- Bye.

- What's up pony-makers?

- Come here and meet nate. He's a nuclear engineer.

- Yeah, you told me that him and frank were super smart.

- He and frank are super smart.

Between frank going from lunatic to finding himself

To my friend, this summer has gotten really weird.

Didn't he go from like hostile-frank

To like friendly-frank in like a week?

- Mm-hmm.

- And then like he introduced me to michael and I was like,

"Yeah, dude. This kid's sweet."

Like, I have no problem with you or him," and then boom.

- Here, this is yours. - You can keep it if you want.

- Well [giggle] this is my favorite sweatshirt though.

- Smell it. - It smells like...

- No, it smells like you.

That's why I wear it all the time.

- It's dirty. It's really dirty.

- [Grunts]

- Smoke his little a*s.

- Oh. - Uh.

- Oh-h*-h*. - Oh!

- What are they doing?

- You guys-- - a one point game.

- Sting pong is the most ridiculous game ever.

- This is gonna sting.

- Oh, dude. - [Laughing]

- That's actually nate making those noises.

- Oh. - [Laughing]

- I feel like our house

Has turned into a frat house tonight.

[Laughs] if anything it just makes spending time with zach

More of a challenge.

- Oh.

- Dude, you're bleeding. - I'm--no, I'm not.

- Oh. - [Laughs]

- It hurts and it makes you want to cry.

Oh, my...

But you don't 'cause you're manly.

- Oh.

- Aw, aw.

Aw, it hurts.

- Well, it looks like nate lost.

- So that's just a round of sting pong.

- Oh, god. You got annihilated.

- [Laughing]

- Coming up on the real world...

- When frank gets drunk, he's a little touchy-feely.

- But if he ever gets too out of line, I will step in.

- [Giggles]

- Oh, what up, ari? It's sam. How're you doing?

- Good. How are you?

- We're getting everybody ready and to go outside

And get on the party bus right now.

- Make this more sensual than when sam did it.

- No. [Laughing]

- Tonight is the double-deuce birthday party.

We're calling it the zash bash!

- You look awesome.

- We've been planning this thing for a week now.

Let's celebrate your birthday.

- Our friends are here.

Everyone's dancing and having a good time.

Nothing can go wrong.

[Club music playing]

- ♪ Everybody wants to hook up baby, hook up ♪

- He's so g*y.

He doesn't even know what he's doing.

- Sometimes when frank gets really drunk,

He is like all over everybody.

He's a little touchy-feely.

[Screaming]

And I know that it bothers zach.

- I don't wanna cause a big scene

But if he ever gets too out of line, I will step in.

- ♪ Everybody wants to hook up ♪

- Happy birthday, baby girl.

- Frank is always touching ashley

And he's making her uncomfortable.

- I really try not to say anything

Because I don't wanna go back to where we were with frank.

- In any other situation, I would punch him in the face.

How you doin'?

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- No, no, no. It's cool.

- Him worrying like that, dude?

I've never seen him worry about a girl like that.

- And it weighs a lot.

- I was his bro-dog in the house and then he wipes his a*s up.

And I was like are you--damn!

- I just don't get it, dude. He was never like that though.

He's not the type to fall, dude.

- Well, he fell hard.

[Club music playing]

- You like this song.

[Laughing]

- ♪ Happy birthday ♪

- Midnight. - It's his birthday?

- It's zach's birthday.

- Happy birthday! You're .

- Hi, happy birthday.

- Yay! - ♪ Happy birthday ♪

- Whoo!

- I love you guys.

- Zach wants to spend as much time as possible

With his friends, but I'm kinda like, "sorry, guys.

I want him for myself."

- ♪ I'm stuck in a fairy tale, lost in a dream ♪

♪ Heart beatin' fast, you make it harder to breathe ♪

♪ If love was a drum, you know I'd pound, pound it ♪

♪ You're breakin' me down, I need some therapy ♪

♪ 'Cause this is more than a crush ♪

- I think if ashley reached down there

And grabbed his little love rocket,

He would take off in an instant.

- ♪ This is more than a rush ♪

♪ I think I'm fallin' in love ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, I need your therapy ♪

- Make a good wish.

Do half and half.

All: yay!

- There's a baby piece.

- Feed him with your tongue.

- Whoo, h*.

- Is this an intimate moment? I hope so.

- Yeah. - What's that?

- Happy birthday.

- It's for you from me, nate, and michael.

- [Laughing] of course, frank and nate decide

To get me and zach a sex-box.

Go figure.

What is that? I wanna see this thing.

- Here's some condies. Here's some lubies.

- The astroglide has been used before, so...

- On. - Put it on.

All: put it on, put it on, put it on, put it on.

- Yeah!

- Yea-yah!

- [Laughing] they need to go because they are so annoying.

- In my house,

We say thank you to everyone on our birthday.

Thank you so much. - You're welcome.

- Thank you.

[Soft acoustic music]

♪ ♪

- [Giggling]

I don't really want anybody to sleep with us.

- No.

What I have with ashley is as close to a committed

Relationship as I have ever had with anyone.

My dad tells me that every girl has a father, an uncle,

A brother, and to think about your sisters

In that situation.

Do I wanna, you know, knock boots? Sure, I do.

But would a respectful cowboy do that?

- I think there's a better shot of nate and I using the sex kit

Than zach and ashley having sex.

- [Laughs] what an evening.

- Next onthe real world...

- Make some noise! [Audience screams]

- It's gonna be my first performance ever.

I literally kinda wanna throw up.

- Dylan has this stupid little motorbike.

Why not just take it and hide it?

- Oh, my god! Dylan's filing a police report.

- No!

- Yeah, the cops are in the street, dude.

- Oh, [bleep]!

- I think one of us is about to do some time for this.

- Pet kingdom.

Oh, look at that baby one. Ohh.

Can we have a bunny? There's rats.

- Oh, my.

- Look at his ba*ls. Ew, yeah.

They've got huge ba*ls.

- [Laughing]

- So I'm trying to get my friend a birthday gift.

- Okay.

These are actually the number one recommended reptile

For a pet when it comes to a lizard.

- I'm worried of making a decision then maybe like i--

'Cause like if you're a lizard and snake person, then...

- Oh, my god.

- I'm sorry. [Laughing]