03x12 - Retreat

[bunniefuu]

Like it is my fault my interview
ran 90 seconds over.

What was I supposed to do?

Quit on the guy just when
I had him on the road?

Yes.

Because of you, that 90 seconds
was cut out of my NASA story.

Big deal.

So nobody got to see you
dressed up as an astronaut.

There's always next Halloween.

Always you, Corky.

Jim, you should have cut her off.

You are the senior anchor.

Am I?

Oh, thank you, Frank, for
explaining my job to me.

Tell me, what should I have done?

...skipped over to Murphy's
chair and gagged her.

Not that she doesn't deserve it.

I've had four fittings for that...

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

What is going on here?

Do I know you people?

No, I don't think so.

The past few weeks,
morale has never been lower.

Everybody's stab-stabbing at each other.

Nobody working as a team.

Miles, we all realize there's a problem.

We've had no time off.

We've been on the road, working
weekend... Who asked you?

Shut up, Frank!

I am well aware of the
overwork problem, Jim.

But if we're gonna stay competitive
in ratings, that's the price we pay.

So, what is the answer?

Anyone?

Ah, so many smart
people, so little talking.

Okay, I'll throw out a possible solution.

What do you think
about a corporate retreat?

Aw, come on, Miles.

You don't mean one of those
places where people go to get

in touch with their feelings
and hug each other, do you?

If I'm gonna hug Corky.

I'd rather do it here where I can
get her in a good headlock.

A corporate retreat is a valuable tool
in helping us work together as a team.

Now, I've done some
investigating, and there

are several excellent
three-day programs.

No, I'm not going.

Fine.

I'm your leader, not your keeper.

You heard me out.

That's all I can ask.

Wait a minute.

He's giving up too easily.

This is a trick, isn't it, Miles?

Oh, it's no trick.

I can see what I'm up against.

Personally, I think the least you
could do is think about a retreat.

After all, it's for the good of the show.

A show that pretty much made your careers.

Show you owe a lot, too.

Show you pretty much... Stop
talking and go away.

Thank you.

Oh, and while you're
thinking about it, start packing.

We leave for a retreat
in Florida Friday morning.

It was a trick.

Miles Silverberg, executive producer.

I hate you, Miles.

You made us drive right past Disney
World and you wouldn't even let us stop.

Did you see the sign?

The Van Patten family was
opening at the Tomorrowland Terrace.

Frank, will you watch where you're going?

Me?

You're the one who stopped.

What'd you stop for?

Because we're here, you dimbo.

Yes, there's my FYI group.

Welcome to the Nacewsey Learning Center.

My name is Justin.

I'll be your facilitator.

Miles Silverberg, executive producer, FYI.

Sorry we're late.

Hope we haven't caused the problem.

No, no need to apologize.

There are no problems.

Only opportunities.

Uh, you seem to be a person short.

Oh, look, there they are.

Yeah, there they are.

I found this one on the payphone
trying to rent a helicopter.

Oh, very nice, Murphy.

I've been here for three
minutes, and you've

already found a new
way to humiliate me.

What's next, starting little fires?

Well, I don't want to be here, okay?

In 42 years, I've never once
set foot in the state of Florida.

I've always prided myself on that.

Well, you'll be exploring a lot
of new territory this weekend.

So why don't you leave
your bags right here?

We'll get started.

Thank you, Laura.

You're welcome, Justin.

Nacewsey.

It's an Indian word, right?

What's it mean?

Absolutely nothing.

It's, yes, we can, spelled backwards.

And that's our motto here.

Yes, we can.

So come on, let me
introduce you to the

other group that's
working here this weekend.

FYI, meet Winnipeg Savings and Loan.

Trish Gorder, Vice President.

And these are my people.

Uh, your group looks a little ragged.

If you want my advice, don't be
afraid to show some leadership.

That's probably where your problem started.

Thanks.

Wow, I can't believe
it's the people from FYI.

Although, I prefer to watch 60 Minutes.

I hope you don't mind my saying that.

We just completed an honesty exercise.

Good for you.

I don't mind at all, d*ck.

Oh, by the way, I prefer to keep my money
in an old tree stump in the front yard.

It's a lot safer than an S&L.

I hope you don't mind my saying that.

Murphy, sit.

For the benefit of our
latecomers, let me explain

how our program helps
to build a winning team.

Day one, today, we concentrate
on communication skills,

the keystone to success.

Day two, teamwork and trust.

And Sunday, we'll put
all of our skills to the

ultimate test in an outdoor
event we call survival.

Please, Miles.

Work with me.

Shame on you, Miles.

Okay.

Let's get to know each other, shall we?

And what's the best way to do that?

By communicating.

Communicating.

Excellent.

What's the keystone to communication?

Happiness.

No, efficiency.

Honesty.

Honesty.

Excellent.

All right.

I'm going to throw some
questions out at you now.

Your individual responses will
tell a lot about yourselves, so be honest.

Okay?

Here's the first one.

Would you prefer to be a member
of a championship sports team

or the champion of an individual sport?

Esther.

Definitely a member of a team.

I'm a people person.

I don't know what it is,
but I just love people.

Good answer!

Good answer!

Corky?

Well, I think I'd like to work with
underprivileged youth, the future of

our great country, indeed our
world, rest in the hands of our children.

That has nothing to do
with the question, Corky.

Well, it worked in the
Miss America pageant.

How about you, Nick?

I guess it would be a team sport.

My boyhood dream was
to be a pro baseball player.

I was a good fielder.

I just couldn't hit.

Oh.

Oh, it's okay.

I've pretty much given up on the dream.

Gee, why would you do that when
there are so many pudgy, middle-aged

tellers leaving banking to
break into professional baseball?

How about you, Frank?

Uh, Miles said you have tennis courts here.

Sorry, they're being resurfaced this week.

Oh, man.

Oh, boo-hoo!

What is he writing?

Your score!

Think about arrowheads to people who excel.

We've got four, you've got zip.

Listen.

You're looking at one of the
best teams in broadcast history.

Last year, we did an all-night
live remote from the Berlin Wall

that people are
still talking about, right guys?

Murphy took the best story.

Jim got the most air.

Frank spilled coffee on my notes.

They ditched me in the
beer hall with Mr. Oktoberfest.

Please let me open the...

Good morning!

And welcome to day two.

The teamwork and trust
portion of our program.

Now, the key to successful
group problem solving is

utilizing our individual skills
to achieve a common goal.

Prepare now to journey across...
Acid River.

Now, this river is flowing with acid.

Your team challenge is to cross
it and deliver world peace to all

mankind, who just so happen
to live on that side of the river.

Each team will be given three boards,
which you'll place on the bricks to cross.

Now, remember, the river is acid, so if
the boards or any part of you touch it...

...you're consumed.

Now, here's a hint.

Discuss your game plan
before getting out onto the river.

Okay?

That's it.

Have a ball.

Go save humanity.

Well, come on.

We want to save humanity, don't we?

We might as well.

There's nothing else to do around here.

Okay, you guys follow
me and keep out of my way.

So, we'll just connect these two bricks
here with this board, and it doesn't reach.

These boards are too short.

Excuse me!

Our boards are too short!

They're supposed to be, Corky.

It's a puzzle.

There's probably only
one right way to do it.

Be quiet and listen.

Miles, Jim, put your weight on
this end of the board to support me.

And then, Frank, I need
that board over there.

You know, I once did a stunt like
this on Battle of the Network Stars.

It should be a lot easier without
Estelle Getty on my shoulders.

From there, and that end here.

And then after this, I'm gonna
solve that cold fusion thing.

She's doing it!

She's doing it!

Was there ever any doubt?

Okay, you guys come across like I did.

And, Frank, I need that next board.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's a
beautiful day here on Acid River.

And the FYI team has
broken out to an early lead.

Sherwood's got the board.

She hands it off to Brown.

Brown's got it.

She makes her move.

It's good.

Miles, I can't go any further.

I need that first board.

I haven't come across yet.

We'll come back for you.

Trust me, I know what I'm doing.

All right, first board coming through.

Hey, Bankers!

Way down upon the acid river.

Murphy, heads up!

First board!

First board!

First board!

Thank you very much,
Miles, and so long, sucker!

What are you doing?

You're leaving me here?

Goodbye, Miles.

We'll build a statue in your honor.

Okay, be that way.

I'll just stay here on the shore.

Maybe build a little beach resort.

Acid River Pines.

See if I ever let you in.

Yes, we can.

Yes, we can.

Yes, we can.

Corky, this board is really heavy.

I need some help.

Come over here and give me a hand.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait a minute.

If I step off this
board, Frank will fall in.

So let him go.

It's not like we need him anymore.

Let him go?

Into the acid?

Jim, Corky, don't listen to her.

Look into my eyes.

She's evil.

I want to live.

Corky, they're gaining on us.

Get over here now.

Corky, don't do it.

It's for the greater good.

Bye, Frank.

Oh, man, I died in Florida.

What a cliché.

I am not forgetting this, Murphy.

Excuse me, do you have a reservation?

How the hell does this go?

I can't reach that next brick.

It can't be that hard.

Hurry, Murphy, figure it out.

We don't have much time.

Oh, no, they're gaining on us.

She better think of something, Jim.

The bankers are almost up to us.

Stop screaming, Corky.

Here they come, Murphy,
the bankers, the bankers!

Oh, she doesn't know what to do, Jim.

She's k*lled two people.

Tell her, Jim, tell her what to do.

Hurry, do something.

How about this?

You pushed me!

Yes, and I'd do it again, you little harpy.

You just struck down a
former Miss America, Jim.

There's a special place
in hell for people like you.

Hey, Jim, look at this.

I've got it.

I did it.

You did it.

Good job, Murphy.

Let's save the world, shall we?

Hey, hey, hey, where
do you think you're going?

I figured out the last board.

I should go first.

Yes, I know, but I'm senior anchor.

That means nothing on the river, Jim.

Step back.

I'm saving humanity.

No, no, see, here.

You're stepping on me!

No!

No, don't!

I was this far from saving humanity.

Nice going, Jim.

I can't hear you.

My flesh is being consumed by acid.

Guys, are you awake?

We need to talk.

Yes.

What?

It's me, Murphy.

Oh, Judas Priest Murphy.

You know women aren't
allowed in the men's bunkhouse?

And who's that with you?

Oh, sure.

You men want us to look beautiful, but
you don't want to know how we get there.

What are you doing here?

It's after midnight.

We can't stand it anymore, Miles.

We were just in the
ladies' room, and there was

a message written
on the mirror in lipstick.

It said, Bankers rule.

Will you stop staring at me, Frank?

I can't help it.

You look like E.T.

This is so humiliating.

We're being whipped by a
bunch of Canadian bankers.

So we were thinking, what if
instead of being petty and immature

and selfish, we actually try to
win the survival test tomorrow?

All right, I knew you'd come around.

We could be a team again.

Yes, we'll kick their little banker
butts up and down the stick.

I hate to be the voice of doom here, but
the survival test is supposed to encompass

everything we've learned in the past
two days, and we haven't learned anything.

The only way we could
win this thing is by...

well, it's by cheating, and
we don't want to do that.

I mean, we wouldn't want to get hold
of the survival course map or anything.

That would be wrong.

Why?

Because,

that's not why we're here.

We're here to re-establish
our working skills.

It's important we do it honestly.

Back me up on this, Jim.

I want to cheat.

Oh, this is unbelievable.

This is not behavior for people
of your stature and intelligence.

Also. The lipstick on the
mirror, it was peach-colored.

Trish.

She also did a little drawing of
you with your pants down, Miles.

You wouldn't be flattered.

All those in favor of cheating, say aye.

Aye!

Justin's office.

The map has to be in here.

It's locked.

Let's brake the glass.

No!

This is your sign of an amateur.

This lock is a Citadel 350, the
same as they have at the Watergate.

Remember that piece I
did, recreating the break-in?

We are as good as in.

Corky?

Stay back and let the man work.

A lock is like a woman.

She guards her secrets closely.

But if you touch her
in just the right way...

Voila.

Good job, Frank.

Are you going to light up a
cigarette now, or can we just go in?

Quiet.

It's Laura from security.

Let's knock her out.

No, wait.

I think I can distract her.

Okay, Corky, go ahead.

Oh, hi.

Laura, isn't it?

That's right.

Little late to be up
roaming, wouldn't you say?

Oh, I suppose.

But I couldn't sleep.

I was thinking about my husband back home.

Is there someone
special in your life, Laura?

No.

Oh, really?

Really?

Not even... Justin?

How did you know?

Just a good reporter's instinct, I guess.

You know, sometimes men
can be so dense, can't they?

It always helps me to talk about it
with a girlfriend over a nice cup of cocoa.

Gee, I bet you could
get us into the kitchen.

Well, yeah, I could.

You have no idea what
it's like working beside him.

It's like he doesn't know I'm alive.

Can't he see there's a woman under here?

Okay, let's find that map.

Murphy, you take the computer.

Jim, you take the files.

Frank, bookshelves.

It's 0200 hours.

Let's be out of here by... pretty soon.

I just seen the headline.

America's most trusted anchorman
caught breaking and entering.

Brokaw would have a field day.

Hello, guys.

Guess what I found.

A file marked survival.

Red alert!

Red alert!

Trish is coming!

Let's knock her out!

No, hide!

Yes, yes, that's... that's right.

I strongly advise against it.

May I help you?

I was walking the
grounds, compounding the

interest on an annuity,
and I saw the lights on.

Yes, but... Yes, Mr. President.

Sir, I'm still here.

Well, since you've
asked my advice, I would

call a press conference
as soon as possible.

You cannot ignore such
a radical drop in the polls.

The press can be very helpful if you
make a gesture to establish dialogue.

Sir, you flatter me.

Just trying to be of assistance.

My best to Barbara.

Was that the President
of the United States?

Damn! You must understand,
this is a very private matter.

I didn't expect to be interrupted.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I won't say a word to anyone.

I'm a very discreet person, really.

I once did it in the vault with a branch
manager, and no one ever found out.

Your secret is safe with me.

Oh, thank you.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to
return a call to the Secretary of Defense.

Of course.

Good night!

America's most trusted anchor, man.

Yes!

I could have made that
woman believe anything.

God, the power!

Somebody else come through that door!

You all get to hurry up!

The bar is going off
duty in five minutes, and I

just saw the new security
guard in the parking lot.

Five minutes?

Murphy, open that file.

Let's get a look at that map.

I can't.

The file has been protect it.

Justin must have a password to access it.

Oh, right, we're dead.

That password could be anything.

It could take days to figure it out.

We don't have days.

Try Nacewsey

Or... Justin.

Nope.

Nothing.

We'll never solve this
with random guessing.

You're right, you're right, you're right.

Passwords are never random.

There's always a logic.

Now, come on.

We're trained professionals
on uncovering information.

Think.

What would this Justin
guy choose as a password?

We have to get into his head.

Right, right, okay.

We know he's into power.

Uh, what about a personal hero
or somebody like JFK or FDR?

Not likely.

Look at the photographs he's got up.

They're all of himself.

Maybe a favorite author.

Hemingway, Melville... No.

No, no, no way.

Look at these books.

He's never read them.

The spines aren't even bent.

They're clearly bought for show.

Look at this place.

Everything is so clean and tidy.

He's got three different desk organizers.

He won't let a rubber
band touch a paperclip.

a**l retentive little twerp.

His mother rushes his toilet training,
and 30 years later, we have to suffer.

Would it be?

Mother.

Nope.

Maybe Mom.

Nothing.

How about the birthday?

-I'll check these papers.
- Hurry, hurry.

Hey, guys.

Is this anything?

Corky, this is it.

Where did you find it?

Under "M", for map.

It doesn't matter. We did it.

We found the map.

What a team.

FYI.

FYI.

FYI.

FYI.

Okay, people.
Today we give you the final event.

Yup.
The final event.

The survival test.

Bring it on, Justin.

We are ready.

This is my favorite part of the job.

People, we're not doing the survival test.

What?

What do you mean?

What I mean is that a
necessary part of your

training is dealing with a
sudden change of plans.

I mean, let's face it,
life's unpredictable, right?

Not necessarily.

Why, just last Tuesday, things
turned out exactly as I planned them.

Don't be afraid, Murphy.

Fear's an energy waster.

And you're gonna need all yours
for...

the five-man obstacle relay.

Each obstacle is designed to
push to the limits your team's skills.

And as an added challenge, half your team
will be blindfolded, the other half gagged.

So, come on everybody, climb aboard the
bus, we'll take you on down to the course.

Boy, this is a dilemma.

If I'm blindfolded, I won't
be able to see you lose.

And if I'm gagged, I
won't be able to laugh.

You want me so bad, you can taste it.

So?

Okay, guys.

We can still beat them.

The old lady with the
bifocals looks kind of slow.

I'm pretty sure I can take her.

Guys, what are we doing here?

This is hopeless.

I think it's time for
an executive decision.

Uh, Justin?

Come on, FYI.

You're holding up the group.

Yeah, well, actually, Justin, we've
decided to take a pass on the relay thing.

So if you would just have
the bus drop us off at Disney World,

that's how we'd like
to spend the rest of our day.

Okay, okay.

I've been patient with you
because you're TV people.

But I've had it.

You stink.

Your communication skills,
your teamwork, everything.

You are the sorriest excuse
for a team I have ever seen.

Oh, yeah?

Well, this team broke
into your office last

night and stole the
map to the survival test.

How's that for teamwork?

I don't believe it.

That office is private.

There's a little sign on
the door that says so.

Oh, really?

Then what's this?

I don't believe it.

You invaded my private space.

You opened my drawers.

You touched my things.

This is the most immature
display I've ever seen.

And you feel good about yourselves?

No, we feel small and cheap.

We don't deserve to be here.

So if you'd just arrange
a meaningful interaction

between us and your bus
driver, we'll be on our way.

Oh, no, you don't.

No, you don't.

No, I'm sorry.

You do not get
to manipulate our day.

We have a program,
we have a schedule, we...

Hello, Justin.

The bus is gassed up and ready to go.

Laura!

What a lovely keychain.

May I see it?

Sure.

Frank!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

This is an outrage!

You can't get away with this!

Yes, we can!

Yes, we can!

Yes, we can!

Yes, we can!