12x21 - The Birth of Arfie

[bunniefuu]

The triplets ate a $10 bill.

They ate a $10 bill?

Well, they kind of mangled it a little bit.

Dog.

Of ours hiding out.

I haven't seen him, Charlie.

Charlie, you make it sound as if tr*mp is
involved in some sort of conspiracy.

Well, it is kind of a mystery, Steve.

You see, every night, Charlie puts tr*mp
on the back porch and shuts the door.

And every morning, we find him in Dodie's room.

Well, maybe tr*mp learned how to open the door.

No chance, Steve.

You're talking about the world's dumbest dog.

Oh, Charlie, I've seen him fetch the paper
and roll over once in a while.

I've always thought tr*mp was quite intelligent.

Let's face it.

Without the bark and the fur, tr*mp is on
the same level as a turnip.

Now, there you are.

I didn't know he was under there.

Come on, come on.

Out, out.

Out, man.

Okay, fella.

Tonight, I'm going to solve the mystery.

I'm not going to go to sleep until I find
out how you get out of this door.

Charlie, if you solve this case, I wish you'd come
upstairs and find out who's been dulling my razor.

You can call Uncle Charlie off because I have
confessed to that crime over a thousand times.

Well, you can laugh if you want to, but I'm not
going to shut an eye until I figure this thing out.

Barbara, I don't know how he did it.

I didn't close an eye all night.

Charlie, are you sure the tr*mp isn't
opening the door by himself?

No, sir.

Somebody must be letting him out.

All right.

Dodie, tell me what happened again.

I was lying here in the dark and tr*mp
came in and jumped up on my bed.

And you have no idea how he got out of the back porch?

Don't ask me that part.

Honey, we have got to know how he's getting out.

Yeah, it's driving me out of my mind.

What if I fib?

Well, you know that fibbing is a right.

Okay.

I've been letting him out of the back porch every night.

You can k*ll me if you want to, Uncle Charley.

Well, that's okay.

I'm glad the mystery is over.

I thought they'd have to put me away.

Well, now we've solved the mystery, but I want
to know why you've been letting him out at night.

Because I'm scared.

What are you afraid of, Dodie?

Gorillas and octopus and tarantulas and hurry shadows.

Honey, you know there's nothing like that
around this house.

Oh, yeah?

You ought to see what the junk in my
bedroom turns into at night.

Yeah, well, junk can't do anything to you.

Man, Uncle Charley, that's a pretty common
fear for children of Dodie's age.

Where's your sensitivity?

I got plenty of sensitivity.

And don't talk like a shrink.

Look, would you two start World w*r III a little bit later?

Honey, you never told me that you were scared at night.

Yeah, well, I am.

Ever since I read that creepy Gordon the
Gorilla comic book at Priscilla's.

There you go.

The comic book is the cause, the effect is
the fear at night.

I never read where Sigmund Freud had a
teenage American sidekick.

Dodie, you mean that when tr*mp comes up
to your room then you're not afraid anymore?

Right, because I know he'll protect me
from anything, plus I love him.

Honey, I know you're afraid of things when you're young, but
you're going to have to learn to face things on your own.

Why can't tr*mp face them with me?

Well, because that means that you're dependent on tr*mp.

What does dependent mean?

It means that you can't live without him.

Yeah, but when you have a gorilla in your
bedroom you need a dog.

You're lucky to have a dog at all because
you are a little bit allergic.

Now, you're going to be late for school.

Let's talk about it later, okay?

Okay.

But you'll be sorry when that eight-foot tarantula eats
me alive and tr*mp goes into my bedroom to protect me.

You know, you're absolutely right, Mom.

You can't let her use tr*mp as a crutch.

Well, then it's all agreed that tr*mp
is not to be in the room at night, right?

Charley, you're not going to find anything in there.

It's a junk drawer.

Look, I'm going to find that skeleton key and
tonight I'm going to lock the door on the back porch.

Barbara, if you gin again, I'm just liable not to play.

I'm not going to play with you anymore.

Well?

Take it.

Gin?

Not quite.

Okay, there's three lions eating my foot.

Anybody care?

Honey, you have been down here a half a dozen times.

No, I haven't.

This is only six.

Dodie, what your mother is saying is that
you've got to get to sleep.

Now go upstairs and everything will be just fine.

Your mother and I are down here to take
care of you and protect you.

You just trust us, huh?

But how can I trust anybody with a rhinoceros in my closet?

Honey, I told you to keep the light on and
you wouldn't be afraid of the shadows.

I've tried that.

Of course, if I only had old tr*mp with me.

Dodie, your mother has checked with a doctor and tr*mp
can't sleep in your room because of the allergies you have.

Now go back upstairs and try again, will you?

Okay, but it sure is hard trying to sleep in a zoo.

What do you mean you're scared to sleep in your own room?

I've tried, I've tried.

It doesn't work without old tr*mp.

Okay, sweetheart.

Come on, climb in here with us.

Let's get the slippers off.

You know, tr*mp's left home before, but he's
always come back and I'm sure he will this time.

So, don't you be...

Because that's the way it is, honey.

Just laughing and messing around and too often sad junk.

Well, it looks like I'm not going to be eating anymore.

Ever.

Oh, I think you will.

You know, Dodie, you can't depend on
anything making your life happy for you except you.

I'm trying, Daddy.

I know.

You keep trying.

Now, come on, climb into bed.

Come on, jump in.

Okay.

I was wondering one thing.

What's that?

If I could get a good night's sleep in
your room with you guys.

No, honey.

And I'll tell you why.

Because even though we're in a family,
we're all sort of on our own.

We're separate units.

Now, the reason you can't sleep with us
tonight is because...

Visit her again, Mama.

What's.

This doctor going to do to me?

Well, you know, he's going to help you to
stop worrying about tr*mp.

Do psychologists give shots?

No.

Psychologists work with the problems that
you have in your mind.

Oh.

If this doctor gives me a shot in the
mind, I'm going to scream my brains loose.

Hi.

What's the nature of your particular malady?

I'm sorry I don't speak German.

What's wrong with you?

I lost my dog.

Lady, I don't want to come off smart-alecky,
but shouldn't you be at the dog pound?

Well, uh, we're here because, um,
she's upset about losing her dog.

Oh, I see.

Dodie, Douglas.

Oh, honey, now don't worry.

You just go in and answer all the doctor's
questions and everything will be okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Besides the loss of the dog, would you say
Dodie's a pretty well-adjusted child?

I'd say so.

Are you around here a lot?

Yeah, a few times a week.

By any chance, are you having any trouble
with her sleeping at night?

Well, yes, as a matter of fact, we are.

How did you know?

Well, it's a problem that crops up in children of her age.

But it's nothing abnormal.

I don't want to worry you about it.

Now, tell me about some of the things you
like at school, Dodie.

Lunch, singing, and tether ball.

That junk like that.

What about some of the things you don't like?

Arithmetic and Wilson Decker.

Wilson Decker?

Yeah.

He's a boy that goes around the cafeteria
with his mouth open, showing his food.

I have a feeling I wouldn't be too
thrilled with Wilson Decker myself.

Now, honey, is there anything else you can
think of that's bothering you now?

No, except tr*mp and the monsters in my room.

Well, we both know that the monsters are
simply your imagination.

And I think we'll bring your mommy in here
and discuss tr*mp.

Okay.

But do you think I'm weird or anything?

Well, of course not, Dodie.

Why do you ask?

I didn't know if it was all right to be in
love with my dog.

Ah.

I'm certain you don't have anything to
worry about, Mrs. Douglas.

Seems like a simple case of over-imagination
coupled with a dependence on the dog tr*mp.

I don't know what the doctor will suggest
for sure, but probably something like

replacing the animal and the program of
teaching self-reliance to Dodie.

Well, you certainly do seem to know your subject.

Are you by any chance going to be a psychologist?

Heck no.

I want to be a fireman.

I like the idea of working at something adventurous.

Mr. Douglas, will you come in, please?

Well, it was very enlightening talking to you, Jeffrey.

And I'm sure no matter what you do, you'll do well.

Thanks.

It was nice talking to you, too.

Hello, Mrs. Douglas.

Oh, how do you do, doctor?

Sit down, please.

Yes, thank you.

Now, I could use a lot of fancy
words and psychological terms, Mrs.

Douglas, but in Dodie's case, I think all you really
need to do is to find her another animal for the time being.

And it will be your job to teach her that we really
don't want to rely on anyone or anything but ourselves.

I see.

Dodie and I discussed the shadows on the wall.

That's normal for a child of her age.

I think we can forget about Gordon and
Gorilla comic books from now on.

And, uh... Well, I think that's about all.

Nothing, uh... Nothing very serious.

Well, it just seems so simple.

Um, what about her allergies?

Oh, I'd have her examined again.

Sometimes they just disappear.

Dodie has promised me that she's going to
be eating her meals.

And you call me if any other questions arise, Mrs. Douglas.

Well, thank you, Doctor.

Yeah, and thanks for not giving me a shot in the brain.

Oh, you're welcome, Dodie.

Oh, there is one thing I'd like to mention.

There's a little boy in the reception room that
told me just about the same thing that you told me.

About this high, wearing a baseball cap?

Yes, that's right.

That's my youngest son, Jeffrey.

He always tries to analyze my patients
before they get to me.

Well, he's a very bright little boy.

Sometimes too bright.

Thank you very much for coming to see me today.

You're quite a young lady.

Hi, Dad.

I came to hit you for my allowance.

Okay, son.

Have you mowed the lawn yet?

Oh, no.

Then forget it.

But if I keep on my toes, I can usually
stay one jump ahead of him.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

These are all kinds of good junk.

Honey, are you sure that this dog is lost?

Sure.

She was standing right out in the middle
of nowhere with tears in her eyes.

You know, Barbara, I think this could be
the answer to some of our problems.

This could be the answer to all of my problems.

I got me a dog again.

Hi.

Hi, honey.

I didn't expect you home so early.

Hi, Dad.

Well, I thought I'd make up for working late last week.

Hey, what have we got here?

Her name is Gladys.

I found her.

She wants to live here.

Well, how do you know her name is Gladys?

Because that's what I named her.

Oh.

Well, she must belong to somebody, huh?

Heck no, Dad.

She was wandering around, real sad.

Can I keep her?

Well, I don't know about that.

I just had to put an ad in the paper, and,
uh, well, if nobody answers it, we'll see.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, I got me a dog again.

Wonder what she is.

Looks like part poodle and, uh, part mop.

Uh-oh.

What do you mean, uh-oh?

Well, I can't thank you enough,
Mr. and Mrs. Douglas, for calling us.

Yeah.

Yeah, me and Harold grew up together.

Thanks again.

Goodbye.

Bye-bye.

Oh, she went to pick up Dodie at school.

Hmm.

Well, then, uh, where's Katie?

She took the triplets out for a walk.

Oh, you mean, uh, you're the only one here.

Well, I'd like to vanish into thin air for
you, but I've got a final coming up.

Well, I guess you'll have to do.

Come on, I want to show you something.

Oh, did you finish the dog for Dodie?

Yeah, but I need your opinion.

Well, there it is.

I named him Arby.

What do you think?

It's, uh, cool, Uncle Charley.

Yeah, come on, it's rotten and you know it.

Named him Arby, huh?

Yeah, you know, in my day, dogs didn't go, they went,
Hey, do you think this thing will give Dodie the nightmares?

Well, let's put it this way.

I can't guarantee it won't.

Well, let's see, on your way out,
uh, drop Arfie in the rubbish.

You sure?

I don't want to give Dodie any more nightmares.

No,

I just picked it up here.

Hi, Daddy.

Oh, hi, sweetheart.

Dodie, did you drop this?

No, should I?

Well, we don't know where it came from.

I'll take it.

Hi.

Hi.

Did you have a nice day?

Not bad.

Here's your breakfast, Archie.

Now, you eat every bit of it, or you'll
get privileges taken away.

You like old Archie, huh?

Man, Uncle Charley, he's the neatest,
not-alive animal I ever had.

Well, now, you eat your own breakfast,
or you'll be late for school.

Okay.

You stay right here.

I'll go get Mommy and Daddy.

He.

Just isn't tr*mp's type.

Come on, bring him in.

Come on.

Only.

One American family will have a visitor
from another planet.

Ah!

It's an owl.

An alien life form.

Owl.

Next, only on Odyssey.