12x15 - Alfred

[bunniefuu]

Recipes.

I got them from all over the world.

Well, we're going to have something different for dinner.

This ain't got anything to do with dinner.

Oh, Bombay blue Blaze is going to get me to Hawaii.

I think I missed a connection.

Well, you've heard of the Pinkton Brazier
company, haven't you?

No.

Well, where have you been?

They manufacture outdoor barbecue stuff.

Oh.

And every year they have this contest for
the best barbecue recipe.

Oh, and the first prize is a trip to Hawaii.

Wrong.

First prize is a bunch of money and a lot
of barbecue stuff.

But I thought you said... I know, I know.

They have their final cookout in Hawaii.

Ah.

Hey.

Is this the entry blank?

Yeah.

Can anybody enter?

Any ding-a-ling who wants to.

Hmm.

I have a fabulous recipe for barbecue sauce.

My great-grandmother left me.

Well, you'd just be wasting your time.

Why?

I already told you.

I'm entering my Bombay brew Blaze.

And believe me, that's the winner.

Oh, well.

Hi, Charley.

Hi.

Boy, something smells good.

What is that?

That's the pork chops I'm baking.

Now, what isn't pork chops?

It's something else.

Oh, this thing is... This is what some
little thing that Barbara threw.

That's right.

Hi, honey.

Hi, sweetheart.

Well, how's the tourist system coming?

Oh, it still has a few kinks.

You'll like it.

I wish I had your confidence.

I made you something special tonight.

Yeah.

Does it taste as good as it smells?

I hope so.

Don't worry about going hungry.

I got plenty of pork chops.

It was my great-grandmother's recipe.

Hello.

Yeah, Bob.

Oh, come on.

I just this minute walked in the house and... Okay.

Yeah.

All right, Bob.

Well, I have to go back to the plant.

Honey, can't you wait till after dinner?

Well, it's the tourist system and
something's gone wrong and we're waiting for.

...

Could you make a sandwich out of whatever
you're cooking and I'll eat it in the car?

Well, can you handle something that resembles
a mulligan stew sandwich while you're driving?

I'll get home as soon as I can.

Wait.

Ah, bolo patito.

Bye, darling.

Bye.

Hi, Barb.

I've just been looking through this magazine.

What do you think of this dress?

Hmm.

For whom?

For me.

Well, it'll look good on you.

Why don't you buy it?

Well, I thought I'd try to make one like it.

Every now and then I get this terrible urge to sew.

Why terrible?

Well, I never like anything I make.

You know, it's one of those things that
loses a lot in the translation.

Well, maybe if I help you and we take our time.

Yeah, sure got a lot of time.

With Rob and Peru and Dad practically living at the plant.

Well, it's only temporary.

I hope so.

Don't you mind sometimes?

Hmm, a little.

You know what we are?

What?

Second Bananas.

You know the guy who feeds the straight
line of the comedian?

Yeah.

Well, somebody has to set up the joke.

Well, don't you think it'd be fun to be
number one for a change?

Not really.

Well, you're worse off than I am.

I mean, you're second banana to Dad and Uncle Charley both.

Well, Steve's work's important and Charley is...

just Charley.

Yeah, but he puts you down just the same.

Oh, I like those tangy tidbits.

They were terrific.

Uncle Charley would have choked before he admitted it.

He had two helpings.

Yeah, and he had... Yeah.

Leftovers for lunch.

That's a pretty good endorsement.

Well, I... I think you deserve more credit than that.

That's why I, uh... I entered
your recipe in the cookout contest.

You did?

Yeah, I did.

Well, I... just thought it would be fun
to see you first banana for a change.

Oh.

Oh.

Why then,

kids swing around corners and leave fingerprints, huh?

Because they're full of energy.

Have you heard from the barbecue people yet?

No, it's only been a couple of weeks.

Oh, it's been less than that.

I'm out here.

Anything for me?

Hey, yeah.

Hey, you, have you heard from the contest?

Hey, that's about time.

You did, too.

She did.

I just did.

Well, I got an honorable mention and a year's supply.

Well, I got an honorable mention A year's
supply of charcoal.

How come they're writing to you?

Well, I want a trip to Hawaii.

For the final.

You're kidding.

Hey, they got them letters mixed up.

You got mine.

No, she didn't, Mrs. Jim.

Mrs. Douglas?

Yeah.

No, you're Mr. O'Casey.

I'm still saying they got them mixed up.

Not unless you submitted the recipe for tangy tidbits.

Tangy tidbits.

It sounds like something they made at the old lady's home.

My great-grandmother was an old lady.

So was mine.

Barbara, this is wonderful.

I can't believe it.

Hawaii.

Oh, Katie, what a life.

Where?

We better go check the closet.

We have to go shopping.

Tangy tidbits.

Them judges are either crooks or they're crazy.

Tidbits.

Extension 254.

Mr. Douglas' office.

I'm sorry, Mr. Douglas is very busy.

Cindy.

Cindy.

Cindy, this is Mrs. Douglas.

May I please speak to...

Operator, what number were you calling?

Never mind, operator.

I wonder how Cindy did that.

Hey, what did Dad think?

Well, with Cindy on the job, I'll never know.

Jan, I feel sick.

She must be.

With Cindy on the job and the Taurus System
Project, I don't know, Steve must be a wreck.

Well, he'll be glad to hear a little good news.

Oh, if he ever gets home.

Steve?

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night.

Isn't it awfully late?

Yeah, it is a little.

Well, you must be dead tired.

Mm-hmm, a little.

Do you have any dinner?

We set off for some stuff.

What?

I don't remember.

I eat.

You're going to make yourself sick with this Taurus thing.

No.

I don't get sick.

Honey, you will never guess what happened today.

What happened?

Well, you know that, um, that recipe
contest that Katie entered me in?

Mm-hmm.

Well, Charley won a year's supply of
charcoal, and I won a trip to Hawaii.

Charcoal, huh?

That's great.

Did you hear me?

I said I won a trip to Hawaii.

Hawaii.

Yeah, we ought to go there sometime.

Honey.

Honey, I already won.

I mean, at least the finals are over there.

What?

I am going to Hawaii.

How did you do that?

I'll tell you about it tomorrow.

You go to sleep.

Yeah, well, sleep it down.

You force yourself.

Ernie just told me you're going to Hawaii or something.

Is that true?

Well, I tried to tell you about it last night.

Don't you remember?

Well, I remember something.

I remember something about charcoal, but that's about all.

Well, Katie submitted a recipe of mine.

Yeah, I knew that.

Oh, well, I want a trip to Hawaii for the final cookout.

You're kidding.

No.

Well, when do you go?

Well, in a few days.

Well, how about that?

Hello?

Yes?

Yeah.

All right, I'll tell him.

Bye-bye.

The plant.

The plant called, and they want you down
there a half hour early.

The blueprints blew up or something.

Honey, blueprints don't just blow up.

Can you come with me?

To Hawaii?

Well, yes.

I mean, won't the tourist thing be over in a few days?

I don't think there's a chance.

Well, honey, can't you work on it in Hawaii?

You know I can't do that.

Well, can't you even finish breakfast?

No, I better not.

Look, I'm very happy about the Hawaii thing.

I really am.

I'm very proud of you.

Well, I'll, uh, I'll see you tonight, huh?

And a second banana.

And a second banana flies off to Hawaii.

Hello.

Anne!

Anne, what?

Oh, Matt!

Hey, you guys, look at this!

There's a giant thing in front!

Oh, wow, look at that!

That's the giantest car I have ever saw!

Yeah, well, I've seen bigger.

Hey, Mom, they've come to scrape you out.

Yeah.

Hello.

Oh, you can take these bags, and Mrs.
Douglas will be out in a minute.

Thank you.

Well, this is it.

Oh, I'm so sorry that Steve left early this morning.

He's just missing all of this.

Melvin, you've seen one big black car,
and you've seen them all.

I guess.

Have a good time.

Oh, I will.

And don't worry about Dodie.

I won't.

And when?

I'll try.

Yeah.

Honey, now, now, you listen to Uncle
Charley and Katie, okay?

I will.

Bye, Mama.

Goodbye, Punga.

Oh!

Let's go.

Your first time in Hawaii, ma'am?

Oh, yes.

If you lean way out, you can see Diamond Head.

Oh.

Oh, here.

There you go.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

Have a nice day.

Oh, I will.

I will.

Hi, Charley.

Hi.

You actually came home to dinner?

Yeah.

The Taurus system is finally finished.

It looks like you are, too.

Yeah.

It's been a grind, I'll tell you.

Any word from Barbara?

We got a card showing Diamond Head.

You want to see it?

Well, sure I want to see it.

I think I'll call her tonight.

You can do better than that.

Better than that?

You mean... I already packed your bag.

I'm Stephen Douglas.

Have you a reservation, sir?

Well, no, I don't, but... This hotel
won't have a vacancy for four months.

You don't understand.

You see, I'm joining my wife.

She's already here.

What did you say the name was?

Stephen Douglas.

Mrs. Douglas' name?

Oh, Barbara.

Barbara Douglas.

Oh, yes.

Mrs. Barbara Douglas.

She's one of our cook-off pilots.

Yes, that's right.

Get me Mrs. Douglas' room.

She's been very busy lately.

I'm sorry, sir.

Mrs. Douglas isn't in.

Oh.

Well, then could you give me the key, and I'll go out?

I'm afraid that's impossible.

Why is it impossible?

I mean, I'm her husband.

So you say.

Here.

They're my credit cards.

See, they're all made out to Stephen Douglas.

Very well.

You are Mr. Stephen Douglas.

That's right.

So, could I have the key, please?

No, sir.

Well, why not?

Well, none of those cards say you are the
husband of Mrs. Barbara Douglas.

Well, I know, but... Douglas is a very common name, sir.

We'll be happy to have you wait in the lobby
until Mrs. Douglas can identify you properly.

But I...

Well...

Would you give me Mrs. Barbara Douglas' room, please?

Yeah.

Barbara?

Oh, Steve, is it you?

Yeah, it's me.

Oh, you have a great connection.

I can just hear you perfectly.

Well, we should have.

I'm right here in the lobby.

What?

Hey, you're here?

You're really here?

Yeah, yeah.

How did you get in your room without my seeing you?

Never mind.

Where is your room?

Wait a minute, honey.

Honey, just stay right where you are, will you?

I'll come and get you.

Oh!

Oh, honey!

Oh, I am so glad to see you.

Well, you're the first one that has been.

What do you mean?

Well, I'll tell you later.

How'd you get here so fast?

Oh, my room is just around the corner.

Oh, honey, there have been committee meetings
and luncheons, and I've even been on television.

Oh, honey!

Honey, can you zip me up?

Sure.

Oh, good.

I'm sorry I can't take you to the banquet,
but it's only for the five finalists.

I mean, they made that very clear.

No guests.

I understand.

The Beanson people have been marvelous.

Very demanding, though.

I haven't even seen Waikiki.

This is a very nice outfit.

Thank you.

You'll be the prettiest lady there.

Well, that's a cinch.

Oh, really?

Yeah, the finalists are all men.

Oh, all men?

Now, you're going to be all right.

Oh, sure.

Yeah, and you'll order a nice dinner.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'll try not to be too long.

Okay.

Goodbye, Polly.

Goodbye.

This.

Is Mr. Douglas in 127.

Would you send up a tuna sandwich on a
whole wheat will be fine and some milk, nonfat.

That's all, thank you.

Feel.

The same way.

Good morning, Mrs. Douglas.

It is 9 O'clock, isn't it?

Yes, it's 9 O'clock.

Oh.

Oh, yes, 9 O'clock.

Oh, well, won't you please come in and just sit down.

I forgot.

The committee set me up for an interview and I just...

Well, it shouldn't take too long.

No, I don't think so.

Well, I'll wait out under the night.

Oh, now, with the cook-off tomorrow, you must
have some qualms about competing with men.

Well... Oh.

I understand this is a very old recipe, Mrs. Douglas.

Yes, the pioneer ladies used it crossing the plains.

I wonder, could you excuse me?

My husband and I have been trying all day
to get to the beach.

Well, of course.

Oh, thank you.

I have everything I need.

Good.

Thank you for your time.

You're welcome.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Bye now.

Bye.

Honey, let's... Let's change back in
our suits and go to the beach, okay?

Hello?

Now?

You said 2 O'clock.

It is 2 O'clock.

It is?

Oh, yes.

Uh-huh.

All right.

Fine.

Honey, I... I know.

You have to rehearse all afternoon because you're on
TV and they want to get the lighting and the audio right.

How did you know all that?

Well, I answered the phone a couple of times
while you were being interviewed, remember?

And you're having another dinner tonight,
same as last night, only the contestants are invited.

Oh.

How can you act so calmly about it?

I mean, you have every right to be furious.

Are you going to order another tuna salad sandwich?

No, I think maybe this time I'll go all the
way and switch to an egg salad sandwich.

Oh, honey, I just feel so... Now, cut that out.

Get out of here.

You're going to be late.

Okay.

Goodbye.

Bye.

There you go.

I forgot your purse.

Oh, okay.

What.

Happened?

Did they call the dinner off or something?

No.

I just told them I had a better offer.

I.

Missed you too, sweet pie.

Did you get me anything else?

Oh, I bought you lots of things I think you'll like.

Oh, good.

Steve, you look great.

You don't look like the same man.

You look like the same man that left here.

Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not, Charley.

Did you have a good time?

A marvelous time.

Well, look, just don't stand there.

Tell us about the contest.

Well, I won.

Third place.

Third place?

Them tangy tidbits are the tastiest things
I ever put my tooth in.

Well, the other entries were pretty good too.

Yeah, well, just like I told you.

Them judges are either crazy or they're crooks.

Come on, you guys.

Grab something.

Come on.

Thank you.

I'm glad you're back.

Thank you.

I'm glad to see you.

Well, you glad to be home?

Oh, I sure am.

So am I.

I don't think I could ever get used to
being Mr. Barbara Douglas.

And so are all his friends, Richie,
Foxy, Ralph, even Arnold, and Al.

So find your couch and sit on it.

Happy Days.

Tonight at 6.

Here on Odyssey.