12x08 - Proxy Parents

[bunniefuu]

Well, what are you doing down here at the plant?

Well, there's something I need to talk over.

You always told me to come here if I needed you.

Oh, I'm very flattered.

Sit down, huh?

Thank you.

Have you had your lunch?

Yes, thank you.

Do you have to go back to the office or anything?

Oh, no.

No, I always have time for you, Polly.

I hear you're taking Barbara on a camping trip.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're leaving in the morning.

From what Barbara says, she's not exactly
Mrs. Daniel Boone.

Would you believe it?

This is her first camping trip, but she'll get along fine.

Charley and I will do all the work,
and all she has to do is relax.

What's on your mind?

Well, it's about Chip and me.

Nothing wrong.

No.

It's just that he never really says what he wants.

You mean you have a communication problem?

Yes.

And you have such a sensible approach to everything.

I just hope you can answer my question.

Should Chip and I have children?

Well, Polly, I'm afraid you've just
stumped me in my sensible approach.

You should see him, Dad.

We go to the park to play tennis, and Chip
ends up pushing a whole swing full of kids.

He shows me baby pictures in magazines.

He even latches onto two-year-olds at the supermarket.

I just know he wants children.

Well, of course, I'd be delighted.

I'd be delighted to have more grandchildren.

I'm sure we could handle it,
Dad, but... Polly, uh, normally I'd

have some kind of an answer
for you, but this time I, uh... I know.

I guess I just want you to solve it for me.

You know, I'm one of your better girl chickens.

I have one piece of wisdom I can give you.

Discuss it with Chip.

That's a sensible approach.

I think so.

Of course, being a girl chicken, I won't use it.

Tell me about the camping trip.

Well, we're going out to this great
fishing spa we found a couple of years ago.

It's a beautiful setting, and, uh...

Well, I just can't wait to share it with Barbara.

Share it with Barbara.

How nice.

Hi, Dad.

Well, hi, Chip.

Uh, what are you doing here?

Oh, I just thought I'd come and talk some things over.

Oh?

Hey, what is that?

Uh, it's a design for a... It's a structure of a cell.

Far out.

Have you been reading Flash Gordon comics?

Yeah.

As a matter of fact, I get most of my ideas from Flash.

But you didn't, uh, come down here to talk
about that, did you?

No.

What do you think about me and Polly starting a family?

Uh, you too, huh?

What do you mean, you too?

Well, nothing.

It just seems to be a popular question lately.

Well, anyway, what do you think?

Well, Chip, I don't think... I'm
the one to answer that for you.

I figured you'd say that.

You're not exactly a meddler.

Oh, I'll meddle as much as the next man, but, uh...

Chip, I really think this is something
you'll have to make your own decision about.

Dad, you know I'm just thinking about Polly.

She's dying to have kids.

Oh?

Yes.

She keeps dropping hints all the time.

I wouldn't be surprised if she started knitting booties.

Why don't you just bring up the subject to
her and talk it out?

Dad, I wouldn't be down here looking for a solution
if I thought I knew how to use the old direct approach.

I don't think that's quite it, Chip.

You just want to bounce your thoughts off someone.

No, I really wanted a solution.

I guess I'm just scared of doing something dumb.

You won't do anything dumb, Chip.

You know, the first person to notice that
you've grown up is you yourself.

It happens to all of us.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess.

Matt and Daddy, you should have to get up
early to go camping.

Well, honey, you didn't have to get up with us.

You could have slept a while longer.

It's all right.

I was having a nightmare about sowbugs anyway.

Well, I found three yo-yos and half a
cheeseburger in my high boots.

Dodie, did you have anything to do with that?

I don't know.

What was on the cheeseburger?

Never mind.

And Steve, let's not forget to pick up
some salmon eggs on Monday.

All right.

If I were Mother Salmon, I wouldn't like
you guys fooling around with my eggs.

Dodie, the eggs are already in the glass jars.

Are you all ready, huh?

Well, I'm ready as I'll ever be.

Oh, I never realized these shirts were so itchy.

We've just been discussing the possibility
of a large insect population in Sequoia.

Oh.

Well, there might be a few mosquitoes up there this time
of the year, but I doubt if they'll be the man-eating kind.

Oh.

Yuck, Daddy.

Yeah.

Yuck, Daddy.

Let's get rolling, will you?

I can hear them trout calling my name now.

How about some kisses?

Oh, goodbye.

Goodbye, sweetheart.

Have a good one.

Yeah, we will.

Hey, we're going to leave without saying goodbye.

Oh, we just thought you'd rather sleep, Ernie.

Yeah, we didn't think you'd get all choked up.

Come on, climb in here.

We'll ride through in the front.

Have a good time.

Don't worry.

Everything will be fine here.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Goodbye, honey.

Catch a lot of fish.

Bye.

Bye, Mr. Ernie.

See you later.

Bye.

See you later, Mom.

Nice going, Stevie.

You just k*lled everybody in Chicago.

They're a little young for you, aren't they, Dodie?

Yeah, I guess so.

They don't do what you say, you know.

Yes, I know.

Hey, I'm going to go play ball over.

Clifford's, Katie.

Okay.

When will you be back?

Well, if Clifford's sisters are as cool as
Harry's, probably never.

Would you try to be home for dinner?

Okay.

Oh, uh, what do you say to loan me five bucks?

You mean five dollars more.

Well, if I brought the new Rolling Stones album
over for Clifford's sisters, they'd probably freak in.

No chance, huh?

No chance.

Well, at least I tried.

All right.

Hi.

Cablegram for Katie Douglas.

I'll take it.

Are you Katie Douglas, ma'am?

I'm her sister, Linda.

Ernie.

Hey, I'm Katie Douglas.

Oh, here you are, ma'am.

Would you sign here, please?

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

Oh,

what's the tech, Katie?

It's from Robbie, and he's got some time
off, and he wants me to fly to Lima,

and he's cabling money for my ticket.

Hey, me!

Yeah.

I have a second honeymoon in Peru.

Oh, I don't believe it.

Oh, wait a minute.

I can't leave Dodie and the boys.

Oh, why not?

I'll take care of everything.

Oh, thanks, Ernie.

I can't leave you with all that responsibility.

Yeah, you don't look like the mother and
father type, Ernie.

I've got an idea.

Oh, what about the pediatrician?

You gave it to us.

Uh, 476-7310.

Oh, Chip, you memorized it.

It's very reassuring.

What's the matter, Katie?

Don't you trust us?

Oh, of course I trust you.

Well, I know you'll all take care of everything.

And how come you've been going out the
door for about 12 hours?

You're right.

I guess I'm just flustered.

I can't believe I'm really going to see Rob.

Goodbye.

Hey, I'll take these out to the cab for you.

Oh, forget my hand.

You're having a great time.

Thank you.

I hope the boys aren't going to ruin your ragged.

Are you kidding?

This will be a perfect chance to show Chip
what it'll be like to have children.

I'm going to love it.

Well, they can get out of hand a little.

Oh, well.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Hey, how come you didn't sit in there, Chip?

Dodie, I'm afraid I don't know any bedtime stories.

Hey, you can tell these guys anything.

They're not too smart.

Well, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I finally finished the dishes.

Did you take care of the boys?

Yeah.

And if you think that was something,
maybe you can help here.

Yeah.

Why?

What's the problem?

The boys want a bedtime story.

Katie tells them one every night so they go to sleep.

Oh, well.

How about Goldilocks and the Three Bears?

They've heard that one about seven billion times.

Okay, what about Little Red Riding Hood?

I'm sort of sick of that one myself.

Something tells me this could go on all night.

Yeah.

Well, honey, I hope you can take care of
it because I've got to go to bed.

Good night.

Good night.

Okay, boys.

I'm going to make up a bedtime story.

And you're going to like it.

And then you're going to go to sleep.

All right?

Okay.

And then when they get home, come.

Right.

Once upon a time, there was this farmer.

And, uh...

He had a farm.

And, uh... He had this big fat
pig that could talk Japanese.

One day, this pig was going to the market.

Thanks, Dodie.

Okay.

And he told this pig not to dance with any strangers.

Well, this pig disobeyed.

He danced with the first chicken that walked by.

Well, go ahead, go ahead.

I want to see what happens.

Yeah, well... Well, the chicken had big feet.

Okay, you guys.

Good night, Charlie.

Good night.

Are.

You tired?

Lazy tired.

That's the best kind.

Good night, honey.

Steve, do you have to turn off the lamp?

Oh, sure.

You know, the light attracts...

Good night, honey.

Light attracts what?

Bugs?

Well, yeah.

Uh, Barb, believe me, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Now, go to sleep, huh?

Oh.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

Steve!

Steve, honey, I'm trying to be very
civilized and sophisticated and sensible,

but there's something crawling over my head.

Barbara, it's a spider.

A spider?

It's moonlight, Al.

And you're seeing its shadow.

It's on the outside of the tent.

Suppose it digs through.

It'd take a spider a lot bigger than that
to dig through the tent, honey.

Good night.

How.

Much bigger?

Chip.

Hmm?

There's somebody or something in this room with us.

Where?

I don't know where.

I can just feel eyes on me.

Lots of eyes.

They're up already.

Seems like I just went to sleep.

Boys, why don't you go back to bed?

Hi, Mama.

Look, boys, it's very early.

Couldn't you go back to bed just for a little while?

No.

Then how would you like to come to bed with us?

Okay.

Okay.

Come on.

There's.

Nothing like a bed full of kids at 4.30 in the morning.

Polly, what day is this?

It's Sunday.

Only one more day to go.

Yeah, I never knew a three-day weekend could be so tiring.

Where are the boys now?

Sitting in their underwear waiting for you
to finish ironing those things.

Who's watching them?

Dodie.

Hmm.

You messing around with this?

You could be electrocuted.

He got away from me.

Polly, you know better than that.

Honey, what's he doing down here?

Get away from Dodie.

And somebody just smashed something upstairs.

You want to check it?

Yeah, oh, I thought we were adjusting when we
got through breakfast without cereal in their hair.

Gosh, I guess our reflexes just aren't fast enough.

Now, you go with Polly, and she'll get
some clothes on you, okay?

It's okay.

All that wrecked was Daddy's lamp.

You didn't leave him upstairs alone, did you?

Oh, honey.

Honey.

You think you could dress him?

I've got to put my feet up for a minute.

Okay.

Come on, Charley.

Now they've probably got Mama's lamp.

Hi, Margaret, Priscilla.

Oh, man.

I thought we were going to have fun.

Yeah, I bet.

Come on.

Oh, yeah, great.

Hey, Polly, I've got great news.

Oh?

Margaret and Priscilla, their mom said
they could stay all night.

All night?

Terrific.

Honey, you know, you should always ask if
you can have visitors.

Okay, can I have visitors?

What I meant was that if... Oh, never mind.

Sure, girls, you can stay.

Yes!

Yeah, all right!

Stevie, look out!

My brain is going numb.

Steve, did I really do all right today?

Oh, you did fine, honey, just fine.

Do many people fall in this dream like I do?

I did.

Well, I'd say the ratio is about one in three.

Well, I'm going to turn the light off, okay?

Okay.

Good night, darling.

Good night.

Honey, it's just the wind.

There's something floating around outside this tent.

I'm sure of it.

It's just the wind.

It's probably Charley.

What do you mean, probably?

Well, of course, it could be an animal.

There's an animal outside this thin piece of canvas.

Shouldn't we be running or something?

It could be an animal.

I mean, maybe a little ground squirrel or
a little chipmunk.

Come on.

Get out of here, you bum.

What's going on?

What is it, Charley?

You guys can relax.

It was only a bear.

A bear?

Charley, it's our last day tomorrow.

Why don't you set the alarm for about 5 a .m., huh?

Sure, then we can still get in that good
half a day's fishing.

No, I think maybe we'll start right home
early and have a nice, easy drive.

Okay.

Good night.

Good night, Charley.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

I.

Have that being watched feeling again.

I know.

Come on, you guys, cool it, huh?

Margaret's sick.

Sick?

What is it, honey?

My stomach's all wrecked up.

She's not allowed to eat greasy junk.

Oh.

Well, what do you want us to do, Margaret?

Maybe if you make us all some chocolate milk or something.

She won't feel so rotten.

Hey, yeah.

Chocolate milk usually makes me feel real good.

Okay.

Come on, kids.

Okay.

Why should tonight be any different?

Come on, you guys.

Do you mean to say Katie went all the way to
Peru and back while we were up in Sequoia?

A wire came, and she left Saturday and
just got back an hour ago.

She's upstairs with the boys.

But that left you alone with Dodie and the boys.

That was the least we could do.

You look like a wreck if you don't mind a
candid observation.

No, not really.

It was real easy.

I mean, the boys were very good, and Dodie helped a lot.

A couple of lamps were broken.

But Chip fixed them.

Where is Chip?

Oh.

He looks a little beat, too.

Looks like he was hit with hurricane triplets.

Oh, Polly, you were just wonderful.

I'm dying to go up and talk to Katie about Robbie.

I'll be right back.

See you later.

Polly, do you still feel the same way
about wanting children?

For Chip's sake, I mean.

More than ever.

But I think we're going to wait until I
have a couple of years now.

Well, I guess we should go home, but I hate to wake him up.

Don't wake him up.

Come here.

See you later, Mother.