11x17 - Robbie's Honey

[bunniefuu]

Hi, welcome to our show.

Isn't.

Your diet say you're only supposed to have
cereal and toast and a cup of tea for breakfast?

No, that's what I just had.

You're supposed to top it off with another
two slices of toast all gooped up with honey?

Well, I have only one excuse.

I was hungry.

All right.

Just remember, this dieting business is
your idea, not mine.

I don't think you've gained two ounces
since the day we got married.

Well, it isn't the weight, it's the distribution.

As Uncle Charley says, I don't want my
cargo to start shifting.

Every time I think I know you,
Rob Douglas, I find out I don't.

I hate to be late.

It's all taken care of.

My note to the principal says, please
excuse my boy Robbie for being t*rd.

He worked very late last night.

He sure did.

Yeah, I know.

I heard you come in.

Why didn't you say something?

It was after 1.30.

I was sure you'd be tired.

Hey, that was Barbara.

They're having a close-out sale at Venley's
and she asked me to go shopping with her.

I'll call a sitter.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Try to get home early.

I've got a lot of sleep to catch up on.

All right.

You know, it's funny.

Rob tore an item out of this morning's paper.

I can't imagine why.

All I need is one guess.

He saw something in the ad that he wanted
to get you and he wanted it to be a surprise.

Yeah, he's wonderful that way.

Oh, here it is.

What?

The item Rob tore out.

Police raid bachelor dinner.

Arrest ten men and eight women.

Why would he want to say the thing like that?

I can't imagine.

Are you sure he's the one that tore it out?

Well, it certainly wasn't three
two-and-a-half-year-old little boys.

I don't get it.

What are women doing at a bachelor dinner?

They do the entertaining.

And when they get too entertaining, the police move in.

Yeah, Jenna.

Okay, put him on.

Hey, Steve, you want to hear something that'll fry you?

Uh, Charley, can't it wait till I get home?

What bachelor dinner?

Charley, did you call me to tell me about
something you overheard?

Sure.

What do you want me to do, walk around the
house with you, Mom?

It might not be a bad idea.

I'm telling you, Robbie left the plant the
same time you did and got home at 1.30.

Charley, Rob's a grown man.

It's his life, and let's stay out of it.

Katie's plenty worried, Steve.

Well, I'm sure she has nothing to worry about,
but I still say it's his life, and let's stay out of it.

I should have known that's what you would say.

See you.

Good-bye.

Good morning, boss.

Nice watch.

Is it new?

What do you say we discuss watches after
we get a little work done?

You better sit down, boss.

I'm sitting down.

Well, sit down mentally.

You're about to hear the all-time greatest news of my life,
and I don't want you falling on your face when you hear it.

Ready?

Ready.

Guess who's leaving for Honolulu tonight
and getting married in the morning?

You're kidding.

No, I never thought he would.

That is fantastic.

Oh, Cynthia, I couldn't be happier for you.

I know.

I'm resigning at the 5.30.

Oh, I don't know what I'm going to do without you.

I'm going to be lost.

Thanks, Rob.

I really mean it, Cynthia.

You've been a fantastic secretary.

Well, aren't you going to kiss the bride?

I sure am.

I can't wait to tell Katie.

She's always been trying to match you up with Chuck.

Oh, by the way, Rob, our elopement is a big secret.

We're telling no one except you and you only
because you're going to need a new secretary.

Don't worry, I won't tell a soul.

The only other news is that I found you a
crackerjack secretary, Kay Renson.

Oh, yeah, I know Kay.

She's all right.

Well, what's more, she's available and she
wants to work for you.

Oh, good.

Now, Kay is away for the night,
but you can call her tomorrow around noon.

It's 475-5099, and don't you dare forget.

Now, I suppose you want the rest of the day off.

No, the rest of my life.

Goodbye, Bob.

Goodbye, Cynthia.

And this calculation, you better change
that to read, and these various

calculations indicate we're on the right track.

However...

Janet, would you cancel my date with Bill
Rainey and see if my son's free for lunch?

Thanks.

It's good roast beef.

Yes, the food's pretty good here.

Is there anything special you wanted to see me about, Dad?

No, no, no, I...

I just thought it'd be nice if we had lunch together.

It seems so long since we've had a chance
to talk to each other.

Yeah.

Anything new at home?

No, no, no.

I was just thinking, here we are living
less than a block apart and working in the

same building, and we hardly get to talk to each other.

Is there anything on your mind, Dad?

I mean, anything special?

Oh, no, no, no.

I showed him.

Anything, uh, especially you wanted to talk over with me?

Not a thing.

Yeah, little Stevie smashed his finger
with one of those toy hammers.

Oh, I was too bad.

Did you call the doctor?

Ha, if we called the doctor every time those
kids smashed themselves, we'd be broke.

Yeah, you would.

There is something, Dad.

Oh.

Cynthia.

You know Cynthia.

Yeah, you're her secretary.

I can tell my own dad.

Is that seat taken?

Well, no.

Sit down.

I guess it's better I didn't tell you anyway.

What did Robbie say?

About what?

About the bachelor party.

Oh.

What, uh, what made you think I'd talk to him about that?

Well, I knew that Charlie called you, and I
knew you wanted to talk to Robbie about it.

Well, I think, uh, Robbie's a grown man now.

I can't very well pry into his private life
just because Charlie has an inquisitive mind.

Besides, Robbie wouldn't talk.

And there's nothing to it?

I just suggest that we stay out of it.

Oh, well, I think Katie is convinced that
Robbie knows more than what he's telling.

About the bachelor raid?

Yes.

Honey, if you called the police, wouldn't
they tell you who was picked up at the raid?

Well, in those things, most men don't give
their right names anyway.

Besides, I, uh, I thought we weren't going
to discuss this anymore.

I guess you're right.

Oh, poor Katie.

She's so jittery about Robbie, you'd
swear that she was about to lose him.

Katie, is it over?

Whatever it was?

Yeah, it's over.

Oh, good.

Well, we're really weird making a big deal about nothing
when we've got one of the greatest families in the world.

It was my fault.

What happened was...

What happened was what?

Are we fighting again?

Katie?

Well, look at your left hand.

Well, I don't see anything.

Yeah, neither do I.

When did you stop wearing your wedding ring?

Oh, is that all?

It's not that...

We agreed that... Well, we... If we put
those rings on, we'd never take them off.

Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean we can't
use a little common sense.

I was... I don't want to discuss it.

Well, don't you want me to explain it to you?

No.

Katie, you turn around and talk to me.

Okay, don't turn around and talk to me.

Good night.

I'll see you in the morning.

Hey, Steve, quit poking the fire, will you?

I got it going just right.

Charley, no man living can resist poking a fire.

Didn't you know that?

Hi.

Oh, hi, Rob.

Well, what'd you do with the boys?

Well, Katie's Aunt Annie is watching them.

She still cries a lot, but she means well.

Look, would you leave the coals alone?

I got it going just right.

Come on, Rob.

Charley's getting very possessive about his fire.

Well, I don't know.

Rob, anything, uh, anything new?

You mean since yesterday?

Oh, that's right.

It was just yesterday, wasn't it?

Well, anything new since then?

Dad, have you and Barb ever had a beef
where you don't know what you're beefing about?

No, I'm afraid not, Rob.

Anytime we have an argument, we know
pretty much what it's about.

But yesterday I came home and she zinged me with one
of those there's nothing wrong, just leave me alone deals.

So I left her alone.

It's a jealousy thing, I know that much.

Yeah, I had taken my wedding ring off.

It's become too small and I'm having it enlarged.

Well, why didn't you just tell her that?

Wouldn't that have cleared the air?

Oh, no, no, she was hacked at me before
she saw the ring was missing.

Well, he's never taken the ring off before.

But maybe these are good...

Here, honey, would you take these out for me?

And, uh, you can take these out, love.

Mama, I can help Gookie.

They don't really want us to take these things out, Dodie.

They just want to get rid of us.

Right.

Now, be careful.

No, I'm chicken.

Well, that's like not going to the doctor
because you're afraid of what he might tell you.

Robbie!

Would you come here a minute?

Oh, Barbara, not here.

I'll be right there.

Rob's as guilty as Jack the Ripper.

Come on, put it over here, you guys.

Oh, thanks, kids.

Now, you'd better go back in the kitchen and
see if you can help with something else, huh?

Is he trying to get rid of us, too?

Yeah.

Something's going on.

Come on, Douglas.

Charlie, why would you say Rob's guilty of anything?

How can a ring get too small?

Well, a ring can't get too small, but a
finger can get too big, as happened to me.

Yeah, well, you'd say anything to defend one of your kids.

I just remembered I forgot something upstairs.

She didn't really forget anything upstairs, did she?

I guess not.

Katie, the whole family knows that something is wrong.

Now, why don't you level with me?

Uh, you guys mind disappearing for a minute?

Man.

Here we go again.

There was no need to be rude to the kids.

I wasn't being rude.

I just want to find out what's happening.

Nothing's happening.

I suggest you go out there with the men.

Bye.

Barbara, he's trying so hard to find out what's happening.

I'm beginning to think that...
Beginning to think that he's innocent.

Well, if I were you, I'd find some way to
tell him how I feel.

Yeah, I will.

It was his birthday.

Oh, nobody's.

But to Dodie, if it doesn't have a candle
in it, it's not a cake.

Do you have a match?

Um, no.

Maybe this one in Rob's jacket.

Here.

Shh.

Shh.

Well, that still doesn't mean anything.

I mean, it could be his stockbroker or a metals
engineer friend of his or a mechanic down at the garage.

Katie, look, it's a matter of ethics.

Now, are you going to call this number and
find that there's nothing wrong,

or are you going to eat your heart out wondering?

I wouldn't think of calling her the number.

You wouldn't?

I wouldn't.

You could.

Me?

Oh, but Katie, something...

I have every reason to believe that I'm
calling an old buddy, a, um, golf course, or a.

...

Hello.

Must have had the wrong number.

Hello?

That doesn't sound very much like a golf course.

Dad, can I talk to you for a minute, please?

You guys, I'd like to talk to Dad alone.

Sure, only we'll be right back out.

She means that, uh, they'll throw us out
of the kitchen in about two minutes.

Dad, I've been trying to reconstruct this whole silly mess.

You come up with any answers?

Well, let's see.

Yesterday, I got up and I went to work.

Everything was okay when I left.

And Cynthia told me she was gonna get married and she left.

Uh, Cynthia?

Oh, your, uh, your secretary.

Yeah.

That's what I couldn't tell you yesterday at lunch.

Oh.

You should still keep it quiet, Dad.

For some reason, she doesn't want anybody to know.

No, I... I won't say a word.

Good.

And then after that, uh...

Oh, yeah.

Wait a minute.

I wonder if Katie was bugged because I got
home so late the other night.

How late did you get home?

About 1.30.

After I left the plant, I, uh, I stopped off at
an all-night bowling alley for a sandwich.

I ended up playing about five games with a
guy that I first met when we moved out here.

So, uh, I came home late and, uh, I didn't have my ring on.

Dad, I... I can't think of anything else.

Rob, uh, did you tear something out of the paper?

No.

You sure?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I, uh, I spilled some honey on the
morning paper so I tore out a section.

You know how honey is.

Yeah, I know.

Could that have something to do with...

Possibly, Rob.

You'd be amazed at what was in that article you tore out.

Uh, Rob, now, don't go in there and yell.

It'll only make things worse.

Dad, they hang me out to dry on circumstantial evidence.

And so did you.

No, no.

No, Rob, if anybody had thought you were really
guilty of anything, they would have accused you.

As it is, they just love you and hope they're wrong.

Excuse me.

Here we come.

Uh, Charley just put the hamburgers on so
it'll be a little while before we can eat.

Would you two girls mind sitting down for a minute?

Ernie?

Come on, Dodie.

The tr*mp's calling us from the kitchen.

Uh-uh.

tr*mp's under the car sleeping.

Okay, let's go look.

My Three Sons will return in a moment here on Odyssey.

The true color of you.

Now, at the risk of displaying no subtlety
whatsoever, I'd like to tell you about Rob's day yesterday.

Uh, Dad.

He got up late because, uh, when he left the plant the
night before, he went bowling until 1.30 in the morning.

And then when he was having breakfast,
he spilled some honey on the morning

paper, so he ripped that piece of the paper out.

And, uh, when he got to the plant,
he found out that his secretary was

quitting because she's getting married this morning.

And, uh, of course, knowing Rob,
he had to kiss the secretary bride

congratulations, which he did.

I know because I happened to see him.

I wondered why we suddenly had a lunch.

Oh, that was why.

Well, I just thought I'd tell you girls about his day.

Well,

apparently what Dad has said doesn't make any difference.

So now I'm going to make a little speech.

If it wasn't the newspaper article,
and it wasn't the ring, and it wasn't my

secretary, my new secretary, she's waiting
at home for my call.

Rob?

Uh-oh.

Uh, would you mind letting me in on it?

Well, um, Robbie's riding away.

Katie and I just accidentally found out that
his new secretary is waiting at home for his call.

You accidentally found it out.

And if I ever find a phone number in your
jacket, I'll do the same thing.

Oh, boy.

Hey, shower's on.

Where's everybody?

I'm feeding a whole mess to the dog if
somebody don't show up here pretty soon.