11x01 - The First Anniversary

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My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray,
and his Uncle Charley, William Demarest.



Chip, do you believe in fate?

That's just my Uncle Charley playing duets with a lady.

And I do it every Sunday night.

No, I mean about you and me.

I mean, we went to different high schools,
and all of a sudden we're in the same

college, we have three classes together,
and your locker's practically next to mine.

Well, it's the only college anyplace near here.

And I have three classes with lots of the same people.

Yes, but why would Mr. Kingsley pick the
two of us to do a term paper together?

Doesn't that spell kismet to you?

I don't know.

Do you want to go in and meet my folks, or
should I just go get the books and come back?

Would I be disturbing your dinner?

Heck no.

Dinner's over, or else Uncle Charley
wouldn't be playing duets.

Come on.

Hey, shut the door, will you?

The night air shrinks my strings.

We'd better go.

What?

This is my Uncle Charley.

Uncle Charley, this is Polly Williams.

I'll be with you in a minute, honey.

I got a cadenza coming up that takes all my concentration.

And this is his friend, Dorothy.

Dorothy Danson, how do you do, dear?

Hi.

Cadenza.

And this is my dad.

Dad?

Please, Chip, don't wake him up.

Why not?

Oh, Dad, this is Polly, Polly Williams.

Oh, hi, Polly.

I'm sorry, we had a big dinner, and I guess I...

Sit down, won't you, Polly?

No, thank you.

tr*mp.

Somebody put a muzzle on that dog.

Dad, where's Mom and Keith?

Well, I think they're out of the kitchen, Chip.

tr*mp, that's enough now.

Does everybody have to talk and bark just
when I'm coming to the hot pot?

I'll go wait in the car.

Uncle Charlie doesn't mean it.

But, Dad, would you mind introducing Polly to
everyone else while I go upstairs to get my books?

And she's already met Uncle Charlie and Miss Dorothy.

Oh, sure.

Well, Polly, Rob, Ernie.

Well, anyway, Polly, this one is Rob, Chip's older
brother, and the other one is Ernie, his younger brother.

And that's tr*mp.

Well, women's work is sometimes done.

Oh, Barbara, Katie, this is Polly, Chip's friend.

Oh, hi.

Polly Williams, isn't it?

Yes.

Barbara's my wife, and Katie is the wife
of that larger body here on the sofa.

Nice meeting you, Polly.

Hey, honey.

Honey, come on.

Working day, Mom.

Oh, I must have fallen asleep.

I thought you were going to supervise
getting Dodie ready for bed.

I am.

She's coming down here for a final check.

Oh.

Well, oh, Rob, this is Polly Williams, Chip's friend.

Oh, hi.

Bye.

We'll see you at the office tomorrow.

All right, Dad.

Oh, Katie, that casserole was a delight.

It's getting so I don't have to cook anymore.

Thank you.

Oh, by the way, what are you two doing for
your anniversary next Sunday?

Or am I blowing a surprise by mentioning it?

No, no.

No, Barbara and I talked it over, and we decided
we'd just go out and have a quiet dinner together.

Let's get out of here before we hear a lot
of clever stuff about how time flies.

Good night, Dad.

Good night.

See you later.

Bye, everybody.

Bye, Kate.

Hey, Steve, you want to hear something I
would do if it was my first anniversary coming up?

I know, Charlie.

You'd throw a big wing dig.

Right.

You know, one time we were, and I could
write off, how did you know?

Well, let's just call it deductive reasoning, Charlie.

I'm going to have a cup of coffee.

Anybody care to join me?

Me.

How about you, Polly?

No, thanks.

I'll just wait for Chip.

Okay.

And not us.

I promised her mother I'd get her home
early, and that's what I'm going to do.

Hey, come on, Alice.

Wake up before somebody buries you.

Well, are you ready, honey?

Is it really the first anniversary already?

Yeah, and they're going to spend it alone.

This is the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Maybe they want to be alone.

Of course not.

I'll bet they'd give anything if somebody
hit them with a surprise party.

Hi, Dodie.

Shouldn't you be in bed?

Yeah, only I'm not.

Well, what is it?

Something wrong?

No.

Hey, want to come to a party?

What kind of a party?

I don't know.

I got a Spanish paper to turn into mugs.

I got to hang up now.

Bye.

Someday we're going to find a babysitter
that lives in the same county.

Who called?

Dodie.

She asked if I wanted to go to a party, but she
didn't know what kind of a party, and then she hung up.

Well, she's only a seven-year-old girl.

Wait till she's 20, then nobody will understand her.

He's taking up an awful lot of her time, Margaret.

What time did he get here?

Only an hour ago.

Just the same, I imagine his parents don't
want him out to all hours.

Better tell your young man to go home, Polly.

It's getting late.

Oh, Thomas, really?

Good night, Mrs. Williams.

Mr. Williams.

Good night, Chip.

Chip, what is your real name?

Richard.

Good, solid name.

Good night, Richard.

Honey.

Say good night at the door.

You know what the night air does to your lungs.

Good night, Polly.

Good night, Chip.

I suppose I did something wrong again.

Bye, Uncle Charley.

Oh, did you take your vitamins after breakfast?

Yeah.

How come vitamins taste so rotten when
they're supposed to be so good for you?

Well, for one thing, you're not supposed to chew them up.

Here's your lunch.

You coming to the party, Uncle Charley?

What party?

The one I'm giving for Mommy and Daddy's university.

Oh, sure.

I'll be there.

Now, is it formal?

I don't know.

Bring a present.

Bye, Uncle Charley.

Bye.

Bring a present.

Are you coming to the party I'm giving to
Mommy and Daddy's university, Ernie?

Well, you know it, Dodie.

You really want to give a party, huh, Dodie?

Yeah.

All you have to do is invite people.

Well, there's a little more to it than that.

First of all, what are you going to serve
and when's it going to be?

Come on, Chip.

You said you'd drop me off at school and
I'm going to get creamed about late again.

Okay.

I'd cool the party bit for a while,
Dodie, or talk to Mom or something.

I can't tell, Mama.

It's a surprise.

Come on, Chip.

Come on, t*rd, and I'm going to be on a... Goonie
Bird squat, picking up papers with a stick after school.

Okay.

Dodie, you better take your sweater.

It looks like it's going to be cool out.

Why are you looking like that?

Looking like what?

I mean, you would.

You look like you've got something on your mind.

Bye, Mom.

Barbara.

And I are at the market.

Anybody scuffing up the wax floors or
touching the icebox gets k*lled.

Love, Uncle Charley.

Maybe we ought to go study in the library, huh?

Hey, man, Polly, what are you so scared of parents for?

Uncle Charley only leaves notes like that
so we'll know where he is.

Really, Chip, I... Look, just
because he says he's going to k*ll

us if we touch the icebox doesn't
mean he's hacked or anything.

I don't know.

Hi, Chip.

Hi, lady.

Her name's Polly, so quit calling her lady, okay?

Did you buy her a present for the party yet?

Dodie, I told you not to... Shh.

Is that Dodie who just ran upstairs?

Yeah.

Here, I'll take that.

Okay.

Hey, careful with that bag.

I think that not-headed box boy put the
bananas on the bottom.

Are you and Chip going to work on the
project this afternoon?

Yes, ma'am.

How's it coming?

Fine, I guess.

Good.

Thanks for carrying the bag in, sweetheart.

Listen, Polly, if you want to stay for
dinner, you're welcome.

There's plenty of room.

Does she always kiss you like that for no reason?

It wasn't for no reason.

That bag was heavy.

Besides, everybody's always kissing everybody around here.

Yeah.

Well, let's get to work.

Sit down.

Well, no, they've been studying the whole
time, Mr. Williams.

Except during dinner, of course.

There goes my father again.

Well, what can he say?

We are studying.

Polly, are you afraid of your father?

Of course not.

Well, no, Mr. Williams, I haven't actually
looked at the paper they're writing,

but they tell me it's something about the
prehistory of mankind or some such thing.

Is there some reason why I shouldn't
believe them, Mr. Williams?

I'm sure Chip will have Polly home at a reasonable hour.

As a matter of fact, they're leaving right now.

Yes, goodbye.

My father, huh?

Yes, Polly.

He's a little apprehensive about your
staying out too late at night, and, uh.

...

Well, I can't say I blame him.

Good night, Mr. Douglas.

See ya.

Good night, Polly.

The guy ought to be belted, Steve.

What kind of a kid does he think Chip is?

Did Mr. Williams actually question whether
or not those two kids were studying?

We couldn't help it over here.

Well, he said that having most of the
time, mostly boys in the house,

I don't have any idea how a father feels
who has only one daughter.

I guess he's right.

Speaking of daughters, where's Dodie?

I haven't seen her all night.

No, she says she's got a secret project
going, and we're supposed to leave her alone.

Well, just the same, I think I'll go up
and check on her, okay?

Next time, you better let me listen in on the extension.

You'll never get anything out of him.

Let's face it, Charlie.

Charlie, we have a non-gossip in the house.

Dodie?

Oh, Daddy, please don't come in.

What are you doing, honey?

It's a secret.

You can't tell me what it is?

It's not dumb or stupid or anything, Daddy, honest.

You're sure, huh?

Boy, am I.

You'll think it's neat someday when you see it.

Okay.

But whatever it is, Dodie, can you be
through and ready for bed in the morning?

In about five minutes?

I promise.

Are those for me?

Yeah.

Guy just brought them.

I printed for him.

Oh, Dodie, aren't they beautiful?

Oh, I think this is a day for sentimentality.

I love you, Steve.

Mama, are you going to cry?

Well, I just may.

I think we're the luckiest two girls in
the whole world, don't you?

Yeah, I love Daddy, even when he snores.

Steve?

Honey?

Honey?

Thanks.

Oh, they delivered them, huh?

That's a little early even for an anniversary.

Oh, they're beautiful.

Now I have something for you.

Oh, fine.

You remember that window full of putters?

Hey!

That we saw in that golf shop about three months ago?

Well, I walked in and I said, that's the
one I want, and she wrapped it up.

You remember it all that time, huh?

Oh, thanks, honey.

I love you, too.

I got a present for both of you, and
I'm giving it to you tonight at the party.

I mean, later.

Oh, that's wonderful, Dodie.

Now, Dodie and I are going to go downstairs
and fix you a lovely breakfast and serve you in bed.

In bed, huh?

How about that?

Come on, lovey.

Hey, happy anniversary, Dad.

Yeah, happy anniversary.

Well, thanks, fellas.

Breakfast in bed, huh?

Yeah.

Of course, you don't have an anniversary
every day, you know.

Say, fellas, did Dodie say something to you about a party?

Oh, sure.

She's been saying it all week.

Oh.

Well, look, if you're all planning on giving
us a surprise party, I'm sorry I mentioned it.

Well, we're not, but I think Dodie is.

Dodie is?

Well, I wouldn't say she's quite up to
giving a party, would you?

Well, that's what I kept telling her,
but I think she did it anyway.

I'm almost, I repeat, almost tempted to stick around.

Stick around and watch it.

Well, find out what you can and let me know, will you?

I, I just don't want her hurt.

Oh, sure, Dad.

Okay.

Hey, Mom, bought you a new putter, huh?

Yeah.

It's just what I wanted, except, uh, I guess
she didn't notice, but it's a left-handed putter.

You gonna exchange it without her knowing it?

Well, you know, I was just thinking, Ernie, the way I've been
putting lately, I might be able to do better left-handed.

I might keep it.

Well, happy anniversary again, Dad.

Thanks again, Ernie.

Thank you.

And tell him if he gets crumbs in the
sheets, he changes them himself.

I'll tell him no such thing, Charley, O'Casey.

How's your party coming, Dodie?

Hey, me.

Everybody's coming.

You, Polly, Ernie, Uncle Charley, Robbie,
Katie, and they're all bringing presents.

Are you sure everybody said they'd be here, Dodie?

Sure.

Sure, I'm sure.

I'm sure.

Where do you see the present I made?

Now, uh, suppose nobody comes.

I mean, uh, forget it.

Forget it.

Boy, it's your time to give a party.

I'd like to stick around and help her with the toy teacups.

I gotta take Dorothy to a ball game.

I've got a date.

Well, if you guys won't be here, neither will I.

You'll all be there.

Oh, now, come on, Steve.

Look, those tickets cost me a bundle.

I'll reimburse you.

Look, it'll be good for Dodie to learn a lesson, Steve.

You can't go around saying, come to my
party and not say where it is or what time.

Charley, I don't want that little girl hurt.

Come to my surprise party, Charley.

Please.

Chip, we can't.

We've got a sitter and everything.

Besides, didn't Dad and Barbara say they
wanted to spend the evening alone?

Man, Rob, what are you talking about?

I'm going, and this would have been the last night
Polly and I had a chance to work on the project together.

Oh, bring a present.

Present?

What kind of a present?

Something decent.

Now break into that tin can under your bed.

Oh, and be downstairs at 7 O'clock.

Man, I've got to buy a present and not go
to a show and take an extra shower.

I had some real neat plans going, Chip.

You want to wreck a little girl's whole life?

Dodie, now while we're gone, I want you to... Now!

Oh, Charlie, how did you ever guess that we needed this?

Because I bust the D.O.

one.

Oh, thanks, Ernie.

You know, the surprise was enough.

You didn't have to buy all these presents.

It was Dodie's idea.

Hey, are you crying?

Well, sure you are.

What's the matter?

I've just never been around a family where
there's been so much love.

Well, look at this.

Just what I've always wanted, an electric frying pan.

Seriously, Ernie, you shouldn't have spent so much money.

Well, as long as he did, let me have it.

Here you go, Barb.

It's a pipe lighter.

Evens out the frying pan.

Oh.

Thanks, Rob.

Dodie?

Dodie?

Dodie, what's the matter?

What is it, honey?

What's wrong?

Everybody brought me presents.

Isn't that what you wanted?

Yeah, only mine's rotten.

Oh, I'm sure it isn't, Dodie.

I know we'll just love it.

Because it came from you.

Even if I made it the dumbest present in the whole world?

Even if you made it, it's the dumbest
present in the whole world.

It's a real yuck.

Now, let's see.

Nearest my heart.

Is it okay?

Dodie, that's the nicest present anybody ever gave to me.

How about you, Mama?

I'm not a very good printer.

You're the best printer in the whole world.

What could be as nice as an hour with my three sons?

How about an hour with three daughters?

Sure.

Stay tuned for Bobby Joe, Betty Joe,
Billy Joe, and everyone at the Shady Rest.

Hotel on Petticoat Junction as TV Land's
Twice as Nice Morning continues.

We'll be right back.