Haunted Heist (2025)

[bunniefuu]

[eerie music playing]

[man] So here's the deal.

Sometime in like the '40s

or some sh*t,

when n*gg*s was doing the Charleston,

and Lindy Hopping, and whatnot,

there's a couple called the Dempseys.

That's them, plain vanilla yogurt.

Nothing special, right?

But all of a sudden, somehow,

these two basic b*tches

became the talk of the town,

rich beyond imagination

out of nowhere.

And you know that can only mean one thing

if we talking rich White folks, right?

f*cking sorcery.

Everybody in Detroit was talking about it.

The endless extravagant parties

they threw with weird music

and masks, and all the STDs.

sh*t! They was the freak-off pioneers.

The rumor started that

it was all in celebration

of this demon lord that they worshiped,

some ancient, twisted mother-f*ck

called Clauneck.

One day, the Dempseys

just upped and vanished too.

No one knows what happened.

The house was boarded up

and abandoned for years.

But the rumors continue that inside

that dark power still remains.

So I guess we're going to find out

what trifling m*therf*ckers

are dumb enough

to get trapped inside,

and awaken this ancient evil once again.

["Haunted Heist Theme Song"

by One Shadow playing]

[man] We're in the dawn of a new era.

You know, when I started this company,

when I built Risha,

you know, I had a vision.

We have to seize the moment.

Seize the opportunity.

All I'm asking for you to do is trust me.

Trust me like you did

in the beginning, Terry.

When you moved out here,

Courtney, you trusted me.

Eddie, when you divorced

your wife, you trusted me.

And now you got b*tches.

Look, all I'm saying is I'm the only one

that can lead this company

into financial prosperity.

That's... that's really great, Ellis.

[laughs nervously]

Can you let me go now?

I think I just pissed myself.

g*dd*mn, you did piss yourself.

See, this is y'all leader?

You want me to walk away

and let him take this ship,

and crash it into a damn iceberg?

Damn, Ellis, come on, man.

You said you had to get

the rest of your sh*t.

Yeah, I got a couple of things,

but I just wanted to say, f*ck y'all!

-This is still my company!

-But it ain't, though.

Look, man, one of us still got our job.

Don't f*ck it up for me.

I gave you this job, Reggie.

And I appreciate that.

Plus benefits.

I just got my teeth cleaned.

But you gotta get the f*ck outta here.

I got... I gotta get the...

You talking to me like that?

And you gonna pepper-spray me

in front of all these people?

No, man, of course not, you put me on.

Okay, good, so, like I was saying...

-But I am gonna tase you.

-[screaming in pain]

sh*t! g*dd*mn.

[all cough]

[slow sensual music playing]

[woman] You are every

Black woman's dream, Ron.

[chuckles] You're so smart,

funny, you're attentive,

and you got a huge d*ck,

and regular-sized ba*ls.

Oh, I cannot wait

to start a family with you.

-Are you ready?

-Oh, yeah.

There we go, yes, yes. [laughs]

Oh, yes.

[both laugh]

[shouts] Oh, it's happening!

[laughs] Yes, yes, baby, yes.

Tickle me.

-[clears throat]

-Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sh*t, what the...

How long you been standing there?

Three very long minutes.

What? Y'all don't knock or nothing?

I did.

And I thought you said, "Come in!"

-Come in."

-[knocking on door]

[Ron] Come in, oh, come in.

But now I know you were

saying, "I'm coming.

I'm coming."

[shudders, gags]

This will haunt my dreams

for the rest of my life.

[upbeat hip-hop music playing]

SHARI WITH THE FATTIE

That is our folding tutorial.

That's how you pack.

Let's keep it nifty,

and let's keep it ooh-wee-swifty!

Wait, what?

Uh-uh, uh-uh.

Look, I am not finna be showing

no t*tties, Muff347.

Little blow-up doll, you raggedy mother...

Now, I travel all over

the world, as you know.

Let me tell you something,

I almost got pregnant

in Miconos, okay?

But... And let me tell you why.

Bunion butter.

Bunion butter saved my life.

Let me show you how

the bunion butter works.

[sniffs sharply]

It's amazing.

The aroma.

The aroma, it just...

Have you ever like been in nature

and just been like, "What's that smell?"

Mm... It's very creamy.

[gags] If you want, just go ahead

apply it to your ankles.

[gags]

[dry heaves]

[sniffs] I've been traveling so much. Um...

[strained] Bunion butter.

[sobbing]

Did I tell y'all about my candles?

[upbeat hip-hop music continues]

[cell door clanks, buzzes shut]

[hip-hop music playing]

[prisoner] Yo, T, Ratface George

is looking for you, man.

[door slams shut]

[chuckles] What's up, Ratface George?

n*gga, it's George!

-[T] You're right.

-You know that.

It's just George.

-Let's sit.

-You're right.

What's up?

You know I know about

your little situation.

That's why I showed you mercy.

But you know what?

About to be a free man.

Well, maybe now you can

repay me for the generosity.

You remember what

we've been talking about?

-Yeah.

-Here is the address.

Swipe this.

That is worth millions.

When you pay me back,

you keep the rest for yourself.

That's my little gift to you.

So if you pull this off,

you'll be good for the rest

of your f*cking life.

Hey, man, between me and you,

not to get in all of your business

or nothing, no disrespect,

but, uh, man, what the f*ck

happened to your face?

You know, growing up

in the hood can be tough.

[emotional piano music playing]

Just one slip-up,

that'll change your whole life forever.

When I was five, that happened to me.

You know how Spider-Man

got bitten by a radioactive spider?

I, too, was bitten...

-by a f*cking rat!

-[door buzzes shut]

Bit me right on

the lips while I was asleep.

Woke up into his cold eyes,

fresh in the back.

I ain't getting no fancy superpowers

with no Mary Jane,

with no friendly neighborhoods either.

I was just out here with that rabies.

Hot rabies fresh out the oven.

But I tell you what, I k*lled

the f*ck out that rat.

Oh, I k*lled the f*ck out that rat.

As soon as I could piss

without assistance,

I was on his a*s.

He ain't remember me,

but I remembered him.

I was insulted he ain't remember me.

He bit me on the lips. We kissed.

So does that answer

your little ignorant-a*s question

about my disability,

you clown faced b*tch?

Uh...

Yeah, man.

-Go and enjoy that little freedom, bro.

-Yeah, you do that.

You do just that, yeah.

Enjoy that freedom, man.

Let me tell you something

before you leave up outta here, man.

Vaccinate your f*cking animals, damn!

Thank you, sir, enjoy your stay.

Hello, sir, how's your day going?

Uh... it's been a weird morning.

Technically, we are not divorced yet.

So I mean, me calling you baby

ain't really a big deal

because you are my baby...?

Bae, who the... who the f*ck is that?

Why the f*ck are you in my business, Ron?

What you mean why I'm in your business?

Your business is still my business,

because like I said earlier,

technically, we are still f*cking married!

For the most part, it's pretty good.

Look, I'm looking to extend my stay.

Oh, all right, that is fine,

punk-a*s n*gga.

So, uh, you gonna give me

your name, or what?

Excuse me?

Um, I asked you for your name, sir.

Sound like you called me punk-a*s.

But, um, my name is Ron Hawkins.

And how long are you looking

to extend your stay with us?

Honestly, just a few more days

until I go home

-to wifey, yeah.

-[both chuckle]

Um, n*gga, you ain't getting back

in that house.

I don't miss you.

I don't miss the way your sh*t stink.

And I definitely don't miss your d*ck.

What?

[tense music playing]

m*therf*cker, I said you ain't going back

into that house

'cause your wife is getting piped down

by a swole thick-a*s n*gga

in your favorite chair,

the bathtub, and even on

your George Foreman grill.

Plugged up!

He working it everywhere.

Skeet, skeet!

[yells] You m*therf*cker!

I'll f*cking k*ll you!

What you say?

What the f*ck did you say?

[strained] Sir, do you want silk sheets?

-Silk what?

-Silk sheets?

-Silk sheets.

-Silk sheets.

-Silk sheets.

-Silk sheets.

-[coughs]

-You asked me if I wanted...

Silk sheets.

Sorry about that, um...

I've been going through a lot,

and what you said triggered me,

or what I thought you said,

and I'm so sorry.

[strained] Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

-Thank you for helping me.

-[coughs]

Sorry.

Man, I quit this sh*t.

[hip-hop music playing]

[door buzzes open]

[indistinct lively chatter]

[T] Hey, hey, Auntie,

I can get one of 'em hugs?

[woman] Hell no, get your own damn family.

[Ratface George] If you pull this off,

you'd be good for the rest

of your f*cking life.

Damn!

-[phone chimes]

-[whimpers]

Nasty-a*s sh*t.

[phone chimes]

-Ugh. sh*t.

-[phone chimes]

[T] Yo, yo, Shari,

Ellis, and Ron, it's your boy T.

What the hell he want?

[T] I just got out again.

I know it's been a minute

since we all talked,

and I know you three are busy.

Ellis, you got your company,

you making all that money.

Shari, you doing your influencer thing

and crushing them.

Ron, you probably got a family

with a house and kids.

-Joanna, please.

-[Joanna] f*ck your grandma.

[T] Being locked up got me thinking

about how much I missed you guys.

I know things got

a little f*cked up between us,

but I wanna see y'all.

Hopefully, y'all want to see me, too.

Homie hooked me up with a dope

Airbnb as a getting out gift.

sh*t, it's got his own ZIP Code,

it's so big.

-I'm sending the address.

-[phone chimes]

I miss you guys, T.

[foreboding music playing]

Hmm...

Might as well.

-[man] We going on a trip?

-Jared,

we're not going nowhere, give me my phone.

But it is with the whole g*ng, right?

I mean, I just quit.

I mean, f*ck those guys

for disrespecting you.

Whatever you're doing, just tone it down,

and do not quit your job.

It's expensive out there, man.

I only took this job because of you.

I mean, this is your company,

built on your courage, your virtue,

your childish good looks.

Your determination, your... your grit.

-Hey, six, six feet.

-Six feet, I forget.

I tell you every time.

Yes, you're right, this,

this place was built on me.

This place is nothing without you.

It's nothing without me.

-Huh, so? So?

-Mm-hmm.

So let's celebrate

you leaving this sh*t h*le.

-sh*t h*le!

-sh*t h*le of sh*t!

-Cow dunk!

-And we are gonna embrace you

with the destiny that

you so richly deserve.

And hey, hey, I'm gonna

pull my weight, dog, okay?

-Okay.

-Okay?

You get the room keys,

I got the hard seltzer.

How the f*ck is that pulling your weight?

If I, um... You... You

-It's okay, fine, we'll do it.

-Yeah, we'll do it!

Can you get me some milk for my eyes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can we get some milk? f*ck!

[laid-back hip-hop music playing]

[music stops]

[Ron] What the f*ck is this place, man?

[door opens]

T.

What the f*ck?

[door closes]

What's this creepy-a*s place?

T, where the f*ck are you?

T!

This dude is such an as*h*le.

Got us paying $200 a night for this sh*t?

This is creepy.

I got my allergies,

it's dusty as hell in here.

Start sneezing in a minute.

When I see T...

-[eerie sting]

-[laughs]

What the f*ck?

You were scared, huh?

What you think, huh?

You almost gave me a heart attack, man!

[sighs]

Yeah, scary-a*s n*gga, what's up?

What?

Dude, don't tell me you wanna do

that dumb-a*s handshake, huh?

Dumb-a*s handshake, what you mean?

We are grownups, I'm not doing that.

We was grown when we came up with it.

No, we wasn't, we was f*cking kids.

Wow, f*cking kids?

Wow, that's crazy to say.

Never say that. Why would you say that?

No, I said we were f*cking kids.

[Ron] No, you know what I mean?

I meant we were f*cking...

Look, dude, I said we were children.

That's what I meant,

I didn't mean we were f*cking children.

I heard what you said.

-[laughs]

-[Ron] T, you ain't changed, man.

You ain't changed,

still a f*cking as*h*le.

I'm just playing, man, calm down.

sh*t, hey, you still with, um...

old girl from back in the day?

What's her name? Jovina? Jovanna?

Joanna.

Oh, she was so cold back in the day, bro.

That fat a*s, them long pretty legs.

She had that clear skin

with that long-a*s hair.

Them white teeth,

and she was smart, and just talented.

Everybody liked her,

but that was a bad b*tch.

Okay, brother, T, friend, all right,

Joanna is my wife. I married her.

So you can't be with the disrespect.

You hear what I'm saying, T?

So you're mad

'cause I said she a bad b*tch?

-T.

-Man, that sound

like some sh*t a b*tch would get mad at.

You got some kids?

You gotta have some kids,

man, get her pregnant.

-No, okay.

-What you waiting on?

First of all, look, that's the plan.

If you must know,

I was just on the phone with her

before I got here, and...

and we was talking about, man,

we gotta make these babies,

and make this family,

and so we could,

you know, do the family thing.

But that... It's in the works,

it's in the works.

Everything's straight,

'cause I can make you this juice

that it'll have you...

I don't need any of that juice.

[T] f*cked up in the back.

I'm fine, sir.

-If you say so...

-Let's stop talking about me.

Brother, how you doing?

Oh, man, I'm living the dream, baby.

Fresh out.

Halfway house.

Probation, about to move in

with my auntie.

They got me taking drug tests weekly.

Can't get no job, can't get no housing,

but, hey, what more could you ask for?

Living the Black man's dream out here.

Look, T, I'm sorry that...

that you're going through that.

Don't worry about it, man.

I've been thinking about

that sh*t all the time.

Like what if, like, if I could go back

and do it all over again,

I'd be a square, bro.

I'd be a straight-up sucker.

I'm talking about,

I'd be wearing sweaters.

Have me a good job.

Be somebody's husband, be a good man.

Be lame as hell, like you.

-Thank you.

-Yeah.

[door opens]

-What?

-[Shari] Damn.

The lighting in here is trash.

-Is it Shari?

-What up, Shari Squad?

It's your girl, yes.

Now, normally, I come to you

from exotic locations,

giving you all the hottest tips

and the hotel hacks and whatnot.

But today,

we at a different location. Hey, Ron.

-What up? So...

-Hey, Shari.

Yeah, now this place

is a little bit more creepy

and dusty than what

I would normally like...

Hey, y'all.

-Hey, y'all.

-But... Ron.

Can I do my live?

I really need you to stop

with the dumb sh*t.

-He look like...

-Ron, stop with the dumb sh*t.

I'm trying to do my damn live.

-Anyways, you know what?

-Can I...

-Come on.

-Let me just

let y'all go ahead

and get a little blast from the past.

This is my peoples.

I'm gonna let y'all talk to 'em.

-Don't...

-I was trying to brush it.

-[Shari] Ron.

-Okay. Hey, y'all.

Hey, y'all, it's me, Ron... Ron.

[Ron] I like, you know,

I read a lot of good books.

[T] Damn, girl. You still got it, huh?

Oh! Look at you, all free and sh*t.

-Looking good.

-[T] I'm all right.

But you?

Looking better than you ever looked.

The hell you got us up

in this creepy, dusty house?

There's spiderwebs everywhere.

You know I got arachnophobia.

No, "Hey, how you doing?" None of that?

I ain't even get a hug.

Can't I get a hug? Girl, get over here.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

[Shari] Mmm! I'm glad you're free,

and you smell good too.

I will take these f*cking glasses off

and kick your a*s!

[Shari] Ron, give me my phone.

-f*ck this sh*t!

-Ron, give me this.

Hey, y'all, that's my peoples, we out.

[Ellis] Shari, what's up, how you doing?

Look, I know you expected

something exotic,

and T, you did a great job,

you really did.

But if you want something

that's less haunted and plantation-y,

I can actually call my pilot,

and we can get the private jet going.

Plenty of Wi-Fi, yeah,

I got two jets, actually.

You know what?

Just because you got money

don't mean that you gonna get

some p*ssy, okay?

I am nobody's gold-digging-a*s h*.

I just did a whole post

about how I am the least

and most un-superficial person

on this planet.

So in the future, maybe you should check

what a woman is saying,

what she is talking about,

and you might get somewhere.

All right, jets ain't my thing.

-Boo-boo.

-[laughs] g*dd*mn.

All that money,

you still can't hit nothing.

-Come on, man.

-I do respect women.

It's just... I was trying to impress you.

[eerie music playing]

Give me one second.

What do you mean, "one second"?

T. T. T. Oh, this m*therf*cker.

You know something?

Ellis, brother, it is good to see you.

I'm really happy, matter of fact,

this is gonna be great.

I read about you in Forbes,

man, not too long ago.

-Oh, yeah.

-About your mortgage company.

Man, that's a big deal, man.

We're real proud of you, bro.

Thanks, man, yeah, Forbes,

I was, yeah, I was in Forbes.

It's a real competitive market.

We're actually still innovating

and stuff at Risha.

We just... We're on the edge

of closing a billion-dollar merger.

-Ooh!

-So, stock's rising, can't complain...

-Okay, player. Okay, player.

-I mean, I'm trying.

Let me come on down to the office

and check out your penthouse.

No! No, I mean, uh, because...

Because we're... we're...

we're renovating,

we got the mold... We all...

So I'll let my assistant...

T, where are the rooms at?

And hopefully, they're not

as f*cked up as this.

For real.

All y'all do is complain.

You ever slept on a prison cot?

-No.

-You ever slept

-on a prison cot?

-[Ron] No, man.

-You?

-[Ellis] No.

Until y'all slept on a prison cot,

don't say nothing to me, y'all...

Shari, look, I... I'll...

Can I help you find a place

to put your stuff? I'll help you.

Yeah, help me find a room.

Let me borrow your flashlight.

Stop all that.

[thuds]

Did you just drop my flashlight, boy?

n*gga, who you calling boy?

n*gga, who you calling, n*gga?

Hey, n*gg*s, chill.

Man, go, go, go,

y'all go put this stuff up.

-[Shari] Just don't be weird, okay, Ellis?

-[Ellis] Okay, I got you.

Let me take this for you.

Who does she think she is?

[eerie sting]

[eerie music playing]

What is this place?

I don't know.

All these weird little statues.

t*tties everywhere,

look at all those t*tties.

-It's a lot.

-Lot of t*tties,

big t*tties, small t*tties, perky t*tties.

Look at these t*tties, man.

See, that titty, like that.

I wonder what she likes?

Maybe she like a little tongue.

What the... Eugh.

[coughs] Damn.

I shouldn't have licked that,

for safety reasons,

but it's kind of erotic, right?

You want me to do it again?

-I see that you want me to.

-Nah, you just made me dry.

Very, very dry.

Just... [huffs air]

'Cause you're like...

[breathing hoarsely]

[unsettling music playing]

-[T] Ron!

-[gasps] sh*t.

Would you stop doing that?

I'm sorry, I'm scary, man.

Hey, I need to talk to y'all, man.

Group meeting.

Look, man.

Y'all gotta stop touching sh*t.

And if you're going to touch sh*t,

you gotta at least put some gloves on.

-What?

-For the whole time we're here?

You acting weird as hell, okay?

T, what the f*ck is going on?

She right, bro,

what's all this weird sh*t?

I don't know

what the f*ck y'all talking about.

You know something?

sh*t, look at this.

Look at this f*cking bag.

And he got on all black and, f*ck...

Man, this ain't no Airbnb.

It's a B&E, this is a burglary.

Man, what the f*ck? What the f*ck?

If the board finds out about this,

you know what'll happen to me?

And I could lose millions of followers,

my sponsorships.

Boy, if you mess up my bunion bag,

I swear to God...

He don't give a f*ck.

That's why you got all of us in here

f*cked up.

-I got you all f*cked up?

-[everyone] Yes.

That's crazy, especially coming from you.

You of all people.

Dude, I got a f*cking family.

I have responsibility.

Well, you know something, I forgot.

This as*h*le don't know

what responsibility means.

You probably don't even understand

what the f*ck the word mean.

[T] Actually, I do.

I wanted y'all to hit this lick with me.

I mean, sure, yeah, yeah, we're stealing.

We're stealing.

But who are we stealing from?

Probably some old, dead-a*s White people

who ain't been here in years.

I mean, it's a victimless crime.

I ain't bring no weapons, none of that.

Nobody gets hurt.

Come on, man,

think of it as like mini reparations.

Reparate yourselves.

Why man? How, why would you wanna do this?

Dude, you just got out of f*cking jail.

Why you wanna take the f*cking risk?

Because I need the money.

Why do you need the money?

Because I got sick!

Cancer.

I got cancer.

I got treatments

and medical bills... and debt.

It's a lot, man.

My God, Terrance, I... I didn't know.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm cool, they caught it early.

Dude, why didn't you just tell us?

I mean, when did you check on me

while I was in there?

Look, we all went

our own separate ways after that.

Honestly, I'm not mad at that,

but I wanted to do this with y'all, man.

People who I knew

was going to have my back

whether I was right or wrong.

I wanted to share the wealth with y'all.

Wealth, brother,

you think, and I...

and I get you sick, and everything,

but you think this is wealth?

Look at this sh*t.

You got this tall wooden lady

with her t*tties out.

That's not worth anything.

This whole place is worthless.

Man, you don't know

what the hell you be talking about.

Hold up.

Check that out, you know what that is?

First of all, this paper's nasty as hell.

Second of all, what

the... The hell is this?

That is the Clauneck's Misericorde.

The Partridge family that own this house,

apparently came back from a trip

with the sh*t in their luggage,

and everybody been trying

to buy it. Like museums,

private collectors.

It's supposed to be valued

at like $20 million.

Twenty million? What?

This job on dagger right here? I'm in.

You said 20 million,

so we split that four ways.

That's five for each.

I mean, that's chump change, really

I could use that to probably renovate

the west wing of my mansion.

But we're here for you,

so I'll do it, I'm in.

But just know I'm in for you,

not the money,

'cause I don't really need it like that.

What time is it, okay, we got time.

All right.

So, what's up, Ron,

Clauneck's Misericorde.

You know, I hate the fact

that you feel like you had

to f*cking lie to me to bring me here.

But I'm not surprised.

It's T being a T, a regular old f*ck up.

f*ck y'all.

-f*ck you, too.

-It's a three-way split.

f*ck him, scary...

Yeah, he was scared anyway.

Look here, best place to find

jawbones is probably in the kitchen.

f*cking nerve.

I'm outta here, I don't need this sh*t.

[doorknob rattling]

What the f*ck?

Got to be another way outta here.

[Dark Ron] Ron.

[eerie music playing]

[eerie sting]

[laughs sinisterly]

[panting]

[Shari] Ellis, can I ask you something?

You can ask me anything, Shari,

you know I'm an open book.

Okay, well then, in that case,

I'm just a little curious,

you know, why don't you help

T on your own?

Yeah, we know you got it like that.

Why don't you just take care of business?

I mean, instead of doing all of this?

Well, yeah, yeah, I would.

I mean, I will, I will.

I... When I have the

opportunity, of course,

that's the first thing that's on my mind.

It's just, you know,

I don't wanna trigger an audit.

It's crazy if you trigger an audit,

you're... It's a wrap.

IRS. You got the regulations,

you got the FDIC, AARP,

all these letters

that rich people gotta deal with,

that you... you know, it's just...

What we're doing right now,

if you think about it,

it's the actual fastest process.

Right. Okay.

I've had people in the past go down

for the same exact thing.

So I gotta make sure that...

[Shari] Sure.

[mutters] f*ck.

[unsettling music playing]

[eerie screaming]

sh*t, talking about all that mess.

[mimics Ellis] A private jet.

You can't even get your friend a damn...

Talking all that sh*t.

[gasps] sh*t!

-[Shari] f*ck.

-You okay?

Yeah, I just thought I felt something.

We can't get the f*ck outta here, man.

Now we gotta split it four ways.

What you still doing here, bro?

I tried to leave, okay,

but it's some weird...

What's up? Thought your scary a*s left.

I tried to leave, okay?

I really did, but the doors

are locked from the outside.

Guys, it is some weird sh*t happened.

I don't know how to describe it.

Some m*therf*cker

was talking to me in my head.

But it's... I think it's some...

There's other people here.

T, the f*ck is wrong with you?

You're trying to recruit us

to go to jail with you

-or something?

-I'm still in recovery.

Don't be putting your big

manly-a*s hands on me.

Look, pussies,

I told y'all ain't nobody else in here.

[lights buzz on]

[sinister laughter]

Y'all see these monopoly-looking

White people, right?

Mm-hmm.

[laughter continues]

Maybe they're like the owners

of the house or something.

Why would they... Wow, T, just wow.

Ain't nobody in this damn house

when I came here.

I don't know who the hell them people are.

Let's just go over here,

talk to 'em really respectful like,

so they won't call the police on us.

-That's stupid.

-No, it's not.

It's a great idea.

Hey, hi, hi, guys.

This is...

Look, I don't know,

you know, you don't know me,

I don't know you, it's all good.

It was just a bit of a misunderstanding.

Me and my friends, you know,

we thought this was an Airbnb,

so we came to have a little vacay.

Right, we didn't know

anyone was gonna be here,

so we're so sorry.

You know, you don't have to call the cops

or the police or anything.

Why are you talking like that?

-Shut the f*ck.

-Stop talking. I don't feel safe.

Okay, if you just let us out...

Give us one second?

Sorry about our friend.

-One sec.

-Get over here.

Everything just got a whole lot easier.

They could tell us where the sh*t is.

Why would they wanna do that?

With a little more motivation?

-Oh, f*ck!

-sh*t.

You said you didn't have a g*n!

You f*cking liar.

What g*n, this ain't nothing.

But it'll definitely k*ll somebody

if you don't tell me

where the Misericorde is.

Say it in your White voice.

Look at the big fancy word

the moon cricket managed to use.

-What the f*ck?

-[Mr. Dempsey] Good for you, Bojangles.

If I had some ham hocks to feed you,

I most certainly would.

Hell, no, I'm stomping these b*tches out.

sh**t that m*therf*cker.

Listen, I'll have you know,

I'm a million-dollar contributor

in the NAACP.

I'll have this house bulldozed

and a statue of myself put in its place!

Do not disrespect us!

[clapping]

Look at this one.

So well-trained,

a true credit to his race.

If only bananas were in season,

or watermelon.

And y'all want me to feel guilty

about robbing these m*therf*ckers?

Look, I don't wanna hear sh*t else

unless you're telling me

where that f*cking dagger is.

Are you looking

for one of your little spears?

Is that how you catch lions in the jungle?

Hey, man, f*ck this b*tch.

-[g*nsh*t]

-Oh, sh*t!

T, what the f*ck are you doing?

sh**t them in the knee!

-[Shari] Oh, my God!

-[sobbing] What did you do?

You m*rder*d my wife.

Yeah, I did.

Oh, oh, God.

How can you do this to me?

[sobbing continues]

[laughs menacingly]

[suspenseful music playing]

[imitates monkey sounds]

-[g*nsh*t]

-[Ellis] Oh, sh*t.

What the f*ck! I was just playing.

-Why would you sh**t...

-Oh sh*t. You shot both of them.

Man, they saw our faces...

You can't sh**t them like that, bro.

Guys!

[Ellis] What the f*ck?

[sinister laughter]

[eerie music playing]

[all screaming]

[distorted screaming]

Who's ready to get down?

[all scream]

Y'all look stressed.

I got the solution for that.

Who the hell is this

Sleepy Hollow-looking m*therf*cker

wearing a nice scarf

around his neck and sh*t?

I told you not to wear that.

That's my assistant.

That's Jared, we good,

you gotta help us, bro, right now.

Nah, nah, nah, he with them

other m*therf*ckers, man.

No, and they coming back, man.

They're coming.

Not loving the vibes here.

What's going on?

Who are you guys talking about?

Me.

[groaning in pain]

I don't feel so good.

Oh, sh*t.

[sinister music playing]

It's been so long

since we've had a fresh body to play with.

-Honey.

-Yes, honey?

I think he wants to say something

to his friends.

What's that, honey?

"You are all gonna die just like me."

[both laugh sinisterly]

[laughing continues]

[T] Man, what the hell was that?

I don't know, but this spooky sh*t

is scaring the f*ck outta me.

I don't know.

[haunting scream]

Why are you screaming like that?

I thought someone...

If we survive this sh*t,

I'm gonna to church from now on.

I'm gonna become a nun,

and I'm gonna be a virgin again.

-Yeah.

-Just check the doors

and the windows for a way out.

But if anybody see that

Freddy Krueger knife, let me know.

Wait, wait, so these

r*cist-a*s ghosts are chilling

in this house trying to k*ll Black people?

What the f*ck is going on?

Wait a minute, I can't believe

ghosts are f*cking real.

That means my grandma's a ghost.

That means she be in the house,

and she probably be seeing me like...

Stroking that meat. Choking that chicken.

Putting that peanut butter on your ba*ls

and letting the dog lick it off.

Shut the f*ck up, Shari!

And then you ate it.

Hey, man, your grandma's one

of the meanest old b*tches...

Old ladies that I ever met, bro.

Okay, look, I can't get mad at you

'cause she could be a b*tch,

but she was a sweet one, okay?

No, I'm saying I was locked up

with serial K*llers

that wasn't as scary as that lady, man.

-[Shari] Facts.

-Well, guys,

what the hell are you talking about?

-My grandmother.

-There's people dying outside.

But she was an excellent cook.

She was good, but come on,

my assistant dead.

f*ck, man, Ratface George

f*cked me with the intel.

He could've told me it was ghosted here

that'd steal your soul and sh*t.

Ratface George, that's the wackiest

street name I ever heard,

-like what kind of sh*t is that?

-[both laugh]

-Ratface George.

-Why do they call him Ratface George?

Why the f*ck do you think

they call him Ratface George?

n*gga looks just like a rat.

[imitates a rat squeak]

T. T, don't tell me you are the one

that gave him the nickname Ratface George.

Man, I gave him the name,

but everybody call him Ratface George.

You stupid m*therf*cker.

-You're the dumbest.

-[Ron] You know something?

He ain't gotta worry

about a ghost k*lling him.

You know why?

Because I'm gonna f*cking k*ll him!

[Ellis] Hey, y'all, stop!

Chill out! Chill the f*ck out!

I almost k*lled that boy, man.

-Get the sh*t together.

-Okay, Ellis,

you're right, you're right.

Okay, how about we do this?

[exhales] Let's...

let's just spread out, and...

and try to find a way to

get out this sh*t, man.

-Good idea.

-[Shari] Spread out, damn.

You know what, I'm gonna go

in this closet and check it out.

It seemed vintage and archaic,

and I've seen a lot of scary movies.

And in those movies in the closet,

that's where stuff happens.

That's where the way to get

up out, I'm up out, I'm gone.

Yeah, I watch a lot of scary movies, too,

you split up,

that's when it's done, so, Shari.

-Sha...

-[Shari] No!

-Yeah, it is locked.

-[Shari] I'm checking this by myself.

Yeah, you locked it,

I can check it with you.

-Stop being so thirsty.

-I'm not being thirsty.

I'm trying to protect. What y'all doing?

-Let's just go find some exits.

-f*ck.

We split up, I'm gonna

be the first one to die.

You want me to die, Ron?

You want me to die, T?

Man, f*ck y'all!

If I die, it's on your hands.

And if I die, trust me,

I'm gonna haunt you, b*tch.

Hey, I found a bathroom.

Okay, and? So what?

Man, I got a sh*t, man,

my stomach nervous.

Brother, you think this is

a good time to take a sh*t?

Yeah, man, there's ghosts in here.

It ain't gonna take long.

I'll be right back.

We're all gonna die. We're gonna die.

Ain't no light switch in here, nothing.

Smells funny too.

Oh, sh*t.

f*ck.

[suspenseful music playing]

[pills rattling]

Man, look, I reached out to you

after your grandma passed, bro.

I left a message with

your girl and everything.

Maybe she just ain't tell you.

Maybe she ain't want you communicating

with somebody that was locked up.

I don't know, man.

Look, I know there's a lot of sh*t

me and you never cleared

the air about, but we good.

We always been good on my end. We good.

Life's too short

just to be holding sh*t in.

Right?

What the f*ck was that?

[thudding]

Bro?

Brother?

f*ck me.

What is this? Oh!

This is nice.

Feel like a canine. Police dog.

Smell kind of like a police dog too.

Not that I really know

what they smell like.

Uh? Is somebody here?

Hello?

Hello?

[eerie indistinct whispering]

[eerie sting]

[Dark Shari]

They'll all find out sooner or later.

You're worthless to everybody.

[indistinct whispering]

[eerie sting]

[Dark T] You couldn't die alone.

You had to take all your friends with you.

Wait till you see this thing right here.

I'm a fly player, I'm trying to...

[eerie sting]

[Dark Ellis] Go ahead, Ellis, keep lying.

She still won't love you, why would she?

Just ask Jared.

-[sinister music playing]

-[Dark Ellis laughing]

[Dark Shari] So desperate for love.

But you know the truth.

You ain't sh*t.

[Dark T] How much time do you

think you have left?

Hours, days?

Oh, that's just to prolong.

-Yeah!

-Oh, sh*t.

[screams, pants]

[eerie sting]

-[banging on door]

-[Shari] Open the door.

Shari, what happened?

sh*t, what happened to your neck?

But you felt it, right?

-Felt it? It was inside of me.

-sh*t!

[overlapping chatter]

-What?

-Look, let's just stick the f*ck together,

-That's what I said in the beginning.

-Okay, you're right.

Hey, hey, anybody been in here yet?

-No!

-No! I don't wanna go in there.

-That's sh*t, when we...

-We got no f*cking choice!

Well, then you go first.

-Oh, come on, man.

-Go!

Somebody just went through a window.

-Come on.

-Come on, safety.

-I got you, don't worry.

-f*ck.

sh*t, that's some bullshit, man.

-You smell funny.

-Stomach nervous.

[low unsettling music playing]

Hey, yo, it's a foot in here.

Oh, no, what the f*ck is that?

Hey, yo.

Hey, Shari, check this out.

Look what they're holding.

That?

Oh, that's the clarinet mystery comb.

That's Clauneck's Misericorde.

-Oh.

-Y'all act like y'all can't f*cking read.

Yeah.

It looks like they worship this dude.

Hey, why he take his glasses off to read?

What they for?

He's farsighted, he can't see sh*t

that's long way away,

but if it's right there,

he can see it.

He's the demon that made them rich.

Matter of fact, this is who they're trying

to sacrifice us to, y'all.

The one that feeds at dawn.

[Ron] He who has granted mortals

their most untamed desires.

He who takes bountiful pleasure

and corrupting the putrid souls of men.

[Shari] It's a spell book, dumb-a*s.

There's gotta be some dark sh*t

in here that can help us out.

A Necromancy seance.

Let's do this.

That's the one.

Guys, I think we are ready to go here.

So we all hold hands.

-I'll hold your hand.

-Okay.

Thank you, and hold hands, and...

-You sure?

-[Shari] Yes.

And you're gonna use

your heart and your mind.

And you are gonna see,

behind your eyelids,

'cause you're gonna close your eyes,

and you're gonna see the biggest,

baddest m*therf*cker

you can imagine, okay?

-Okay.

-Let's do this.

[inhales deeply]

[chanting a spell in Portuguese]

-[chanting continues]

-[haunting music playing]

[Ellis] Shari, it's working.

-[chanting continues]

-[shouting]

[all gasp]

[ominous music playing]

Oh, f*ck.

Is that who I think it is?

Oh, my God.

No, it... can't be.

[smooth music playing]

[exhales]

[Ron] Gram?

Oh, f*ck.

Wait a minute. I was just smoking weed

with Luther and... Where the f*ck am I at?

Ron, is that you?

Hey, Grandma, look, I'm sorry.

I... I didn't know.

I didn't... I didn't...

Oh, you mean to tell me

that you brought me

all the way from peaceful,

beautiful heaven

to this sh*t h*le you got me in?

Okay, Grandma.

I'm sorry. I didn't...

I didn't know you was...

You never take responsibility

for your own f*cking actions.

Okay, guys, we were

supposed to be manifesting

the biggest, baddest

m*therf*cking thug we could imagine.

Who pictured Gram?

I mean, honestly, I couldn't

think of anybody scarier.

Look at her shoulders.

[T] She ain't... Real sh*t?

Me too.

Okay, well, to keep it 100,

-I was thinking about her too.

-See?

[T] Hey, hey, Grandma,

and we sorry to interrupt

your little card game up there

with Prince and Martin Luther King.

He ain't up there.

Wait, which one?

Terrance Richards.

Oh, I should have known

your little delinquent a*s

had something to do with all of this.

Always bringing my Ronald

into some bullshit.

You're right, you're right.

But we need you on this one.

If you don't help us on this one,

they probably gonna k*ll us.

Ronald, what the f*ck is he talking about?

-[both] Us.

-[Ron] Yep.

Yep, that, Grandma,

that's them right there.

Those are the ones...

Look, I'm sorry to break up

this little family reunion,

but I'm afraid this party

is invite-only, Mammy.

What the f*ck you call me?

I called you a mammy

'cause it's exactly what you are.

You are our mammy, making our meals

and breastfeeding our children,

'cause that's what mammies love to do.

That's right, Mammy.

[makes sucking noise]

Listen, let me tell y'all something.

I ain't nobody's damn Mammy.

Y'all got me f*cked up.

Ooh, y'all about to get f*cked up now.

Oh, what's that, Marjorie?

I think some discipline is in order.

Why don't you fetch me my paddle?

Huh. Gladly.

[low suspenseful music playing]

-Fetch you your paddle.

-Yeah.

So you actually think

you can, uh, tame my Black a*s?

Ooh, I'm gonna do a lot more

than just tame that a*s.

[growls]

That's an interesting strategy.

All I hear is talk, peckerwood.

-Yeah? You want some action?

-Mm-hmmm.

Mm-hmm.

[sensual music playing]

[disapproving hum]

What in the...?

Put your clothes back on.

[Mr. Dempsey]

How's this for action, right?

[Gram] Yeah!

Grandma, no!

This might be a part of her plan.

[Ron] What plan?

This is so weird.

But she's enjoying it, though.

Who gives a f*ck?

Leave my grandma alone!

Watch out!

[screaming in pleasure]

It's like the porn version of Roots.

What the f*ck is happening?

[T] They ain't gonna let her

back in heaven after this.

They sure not.

You're going to hell, Grandma!

[screams in pleasure]

Grandma, no!

No! No!

Man, you better spit that out.

Spit that out, Grandma.

-Come back, Ron.

-Yeah.

-[moaning]

-[gagging]

I ain't never seen

that much areola before.

-Okay.

-That's crazy.

Even in the afterlife, you get the puss.

[Mr. Dempsey screaming]

-[Gram] Yeah!

-[Mr. Dempsey] Hey, hey!

[Ron] Disgusting. [groans]

What the f*ck?

What is this place?

Oh, sh*t, whoa.

The f*ck did he... Where did you go?

The f*ck?

[eerie sting]

It's been a long time

since I expelled that much ectoplasm.

It's good to know we've still got it.

We're lucky that those

imbeciles didn't know

what the hell they were doing.

If they'd managed to summon someone else,

this whole thing would've been shot.

You are paranoid, Alton, there's no way.

Just a few hours more, my love.

Just a few hours,

and we can finally leave this place again

to truly feel once more...

To live again.

As long as we don't fail as we did before,

and allow our sacrifices to escape.

The consequences

were quite dire the last time

Clauneck's wrath turned our way.

Come, my love.

Let's make certain

all is prepared for him.

[Ron panting] Oh my God.

[uneasy music playing]

So you're saying

they need two souls in order

to repay their debt back to Clauneck.

And then two more to

get their old bodies back

so they can do this sh*t all over again.

Yeah, like interest.

f*ck, and y'all think that's real?

That second chance sh*t?

[Ron] It sounded like it,

but what's even crazier

when a ghost possessed me,

he showed me a bunch of things.

Like what?

Like, you know,

we could find stuff around here

that maybe help us get a jump on 'em.

Matter of fact, Shari,

did you see anything when you looked

at the book about possessions?

Yes, sir, there's a binding spell

to trap spirits.

But they only last

for about a few minutes.

Yeah, but that's long enough

for us to figure all this out

and get the hell up outta here.

Okay, but, uh... who are we

going to use as bait? Not it.

Mm-mmm.

I'll do it.

-What?

-I said I'll do it.

I take the risk,

that's usually how it go, right, Ron?

Look, all you gotta do is put me somewhere

we know they're gonna be watching.

T, you sure you wanna do this?

[T] What I got to lose?

All right, thank you for your service.

I got you.

All right, y'all ready?

I got this.

[yells] Hey, m*therf*cker, where you at?

You try so hard to be r*cist,

but you love Black people.

-So much that you wanna be Black.

-[electricity crackles]

-Yeah, I get it, we're amazing.

-[low suspenseful music playing]

We dance better than y'all.

We age better.

We're more talented.

Yeah, you wish you could

f*ck like a Black man.

[chuckles] m*therf*ckers

weak-a*s immune system

can't even go outside in the sun.

Yeah, you obsessed.

You love Black people.

That got his attention.

So, what do you say, T,

you wanna show this White boy how to f*ck?

Y'all ready?

[sinister music playing]

Now, Shari.

[Shari grunts]

[laughs sinisterly]

[Alton] Release me now!

No, f*ck that, okay?

We ain't doing none of that

till you get us outta here, huh?

Let us out.

[Alton laughs sinisterly]

I guess we're just at a stalemate

because all I have to do

is wait till dawn,

and let Lord Clauneck

deal with your transgressions.

Damn, he's right,

the clock is ticking, man.

He's got the upper hand still.

No, no, f*ck all that,

he's in a mortal body right now.

And I can feel just how weak it is.

What are you talking about?

He's still sick.

He tricked you.

He's dying.

[laughs sinisterly]

No, T said they caught it

before anything happened.

We're not falling for your bullshit, man.

Open the f*cking door.

You want to know what

your friend thinks of you, Ronald?

He hates you the most.

Just shut up, just shut up!

He's right, Ron. It's all Ronald's fault.

He let T take the blame.

Take the blame?

Remember in high school,

where you defaced the statue

of the great Robert E. Lee.

Shut the f*ck up.

Just shut up.

Shari.

Do you want to know what he thinks of you?

Particularly,

because he thought of you quite often.

That time under the bleachers

at the volleyball game,

where things got a little steamy

with the school Jezebel.

[Ron] Stop, no.

Did we get him?

[Alton] Yeah, I've never been

in a woman before.

[groans]

[laughs sinisterly]

Ellis.

You're gonna let him hurt this

beautiful mocha body you lust for?

She'll never f*ck you.

All she sees when she looks at you...

is that same pathetic,

nerdy loser from high school.

She thinks your d*ck is little.

[laughs sinisterly]

But don't worry,

because she's an even

bigger loser than you are.

She makes all her travel videos

on a green screen,

and she doesn't really have

any sponsorship,

and she pays for all of her followers.

She's pathetic.

Believe me.

The shame and self-loathing

she feels, is clear as day,

besides I'm inside of her

and you'll never be.

[Ellis] Get out of her!

[Alton] Whoa, the hipsters

keep on hitting, don't they? [chuckles]

Let me tell you about

your dear friend, Ellis.

He got fired for running

his own company into the ground.

He's months away from being in the streets

like the bum a*s n*gga he is.

[Ellis] The f*ck you call me?

[Alton] It's okay, Ellis, settle down.

I can say it, I'm Black now.

Deep down, he thinks

that there's no way out.

Part of him actually

welcomes the coming dawn,

so he doesn't have to end

his own pathetic life.

Wow, now this is a fun one, Ronald.

Oh, Ronald. Ronald, Ronald.

Joanna.

Yes, your Joanna. Your beautiful Joanna.

When she was leaving you

and she was looking for a place to stay,

guess who she called

for real estate advice?

m*therf*cker! Whoa!

[laughs sinisterly]

[Alton] Last and very much the least.

[chuckles] Old Ronald.

The biggest loser of the group of losers.

Whose marriage is falling apart.

Oh, he is a man that

doesn't take responsibility.

He calls himself a friend.

He's not a friend.

What type of friend would let

one of their best friends take the fall

for something they did?

That's right, Terrance.

He ruined your life.

He put you on a path to nowhere.

And he'd never think about it again.

But you know what's even crazier?

None of you are actually real friends.

[laughs]

[sighs]

You are all selfish b*stards.

You only do things for self-gain. [laughs]

So us k*lling you,

we're actually doing you a favor.

That's right,

you can call this a, um, a mercy gift.

You'll all be dead,

and no one will even miss you.

[laughs sinisterly]

This is gonna be fun.

See you later, my friends.

[laughs sinisterly]

Y'all don't see what they trying to do?

Yeah, and it's working.

f*ck you for bringing us here, T.

But at least we're still here, right?

You know something, man, f*ck you.

This is bullshit.

What the f*ck you looking at?

Sick-a*s n*gga.

f*ck, man.

[tense music playing]

[pensive music playing]

[sighs]

[ghost voice] Ron.

Ron.

-[Gram] Ron.

-[yelps] Grandma!

You scared me.

[laughs]

When are you gonna stop being

such a p*ssy? [laughs]

You know how bad I wanna

brag about my grandson

to Bernie and Mack?

But ain't no way I can brag about you

or say you my blood

with the way you been acting.

Oh, the... the way I've been acting?

Child, would've been a pleasure too.

I know Rosa Parks may

have sat on some bussies,

but I bet she had a whole lot more fun

sitting on some faces too, baby.

Babe. [grunting]

What?

You need me to show you

where the clitoris is

while I'm still here?

No, I don't need you to show me

where no clitoris is, okay?

I just need you to stop

being a f*cking h*!

I'm sorry, I didn't... I...

You know, talk into Grandma good ear.

Say that again.

I said you was being a, um...

-[smacks lips]

-[Gram] No, no.

Say it, say it, say it, what?

Say it with your chest,

like you just said it.

-f*cking...

-h*! That's what I thought!

I will f*ck you up!

I will go west side up in here!

You know I don't play this.

Let me calm down.

Almost gave you a heavenly-a*s whooping.

Calm down.

Okay.

Now I know I gave you tough love

when you was growing up,

and you needed that.

But I also know that

maybe my tough love was

a little too tough on you sometimes.

Maybe you learned to be

less afraid of this world,

but it ain't never too late

to switch things up.

No more hiding, no more excuses.

No more blaming anybody else

for who you turned out to be.

Take some responsibility

for your own actions.

Now I want you to do this

for me, if you will.

I want you to take your narrow Black a*s

right on out the door,

and do what the f*ck

you're supposed to do.

You hear me?

Don't bring me back no bullshit.

One more thing, on a serious note.

You apologize to T.

You make it right.

You make it right.

You got my blood in you.

Now, I'm gonna be watching you.

I love you, son.

I love you too, Grandma.

Do you mind if I join you?

Yeah, of course, come sit.

And I promise, um, I won't try anything.

And I'm sorry if it comes off that way,

like that's the only thing

I'm interested in with you,

'cause you should know that

there is nothing about you

that I'm not interested in.

I'm for real, like everything, your...

your wit, your fearlessness.

Your ambition, your drive.

It's why I devoted myself night and day

to building a multimillion-dollar company

to try and finally impress you.

Yeah, I named it after you.

Wow.

I'm surprised

I never realized that. [chuckles]

You didn't look at the letters and see,

"Oh, that, that's my name."

No, I'm not that into myself, I guess.

Well, I'm into you.

Oh, well, I guess I kind of always liked

your Jiminy Cricket ears, though too.

[both chuckle]

The truth is, I was always scared.

I know.

What you scared of?

Being happy.

Losing it.

Opening up to the guy

who's always been there for me,

no questions asked, my entire life.

[sighs deeply]

It's too late now.

Our lives about to be over.

Hmm...

What you talking about?

We still got 45 minutes.

Oh, word?

[sensual music playing]

[Ron] T, can I...?

Can I holla at you real quick?

[sniffs]

[sighs] Okay, um... look,

I don't even really know

where to start, but...

First, let me start by apologizing.

Yeah, I'm... I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for letting you take the fall.

Sorry for not saying anything.

I'm sorry for being a terrible friend,

'cause honestly,

you wasn't just my friend.

You really was my brother.

And for me not to be there for you

was totally wrong on my part, man.

I'm sorry.

[sighs]

It is all good, bro.

And you ain't make me make

the choices that I made.

It's consequences of my own actions.

You know what I'm saying?

I meant what I said about just, you know...

just being with y'all, man.

Those was some of

the best days of my life, bro.

[sighs] You're the best friend

I ever had, bro.

I just wanted that feeling, you know?

Just one more time before

I hung the jersey up.

You know what I'm saying?

[sniffs]

We're good, bro.

Put the hand up, man.

Come here.

Come on.

-I love you, man.

-Love you, too, bro.

All right, look...

Let's, uh, let's get out here.

Let's... let's find Shari and Ellis.

Yeah, man, let's get

the f*ck outta here, man.

I mean, maybe find you some tissue.

You got that Viola Davis snot.

Hey, f*ck you, man.

See? Man, you play too f*cking much, bro.

[sniffs] m*therf*cker about to die

and you playing.

[ominous music playing]

Hey, what the f*ck y'all doing?

[Shari] What the f*ck

it look like we doing?

That's what I'm talking about.

sh*t!

-Still look good.

-Hey, snap out of it.

Okay, focus.

Look, y'all, look, we gotta

take these assholes down,

and we only got like 20 minutes to do it.

So what's the point? We can't beat them.

I thought the same thing

a few minutes ago.

And I get it, look,

we're all liars, right?

We lie to each other.

We lie to ourselves.

We just a bunch of f*ck-ups,

we're all that stuff.

But one thing about us,

when we come together

as f*ck-ups, we make sh*t happen.

We are good as a group

of f*ck-ups, as one.

Yeah, we should come together, right?

No.

It's your turn to come up with a plan.

So what we doing?

All right, yeah, you know something,

I got this sh*t.

I got a great plan,

but before I give it to y'all,

can Ellis put his f*cking shirt on first?

g*dd*mn, you hating, bro.

-[T] Put your shirt on.

-This is

-hard work and dedication.

-[T] Baby n*pples.

These are man n*pples.

No, it look good than a m*therf*cker.

You gotta see my sh*t, though.

[Ellis] T, relax.

-Man, f*ck you.

-[Ellis] f*ck you.

-f*ck you.

-[Ellis] f*ck you.

[T] Hey, man, f*ck you.

[Marjorie] Welcome, tributes.

Once again, we assemble

in joyous anticipation

of our Dark Lord's return.

For tonight, He feasts!

[Alton] Give praise and bear witness,

you who have devoted

your souls to His glory.

It is time for our unholy communion.

Okay, guys, I'm telling you,

I got the plan of all plans.

I hope y'all ready. Y'all ready?

-[Shari] Mm-hmm.

-Okay, here we go.

-Now the knife that they...

-[T] No, no,

it's Clauneck's Misericorde.

-Thanks, T.

-[T] Read a book, n*gga, damn.

-Cool.

-Like I said, the knife...

It's the Clauneck's Misericorde.

Clauneck's Misericorde.

-[T] Yeah.

-Does that make you happy?

What y'all doing,

we got 20 minutes, hurry up.

Okay, you're right, look,

all I'm saying is that the...

-Clauneck's Misericorde...

-Clauneck's Misericorde.

Is what they probably use

in the first place

to strike a deal with the old boy.

And I'm telling you,

I think this thing packs a lot of power.

Which means that's why they want it so bad

so they could possibly strike

another deal with him.

All right, so we find it,

we k*ll their plans.

Matter of fact, we find it,

and we k*ll their asses.

Yes!

That's right, we get rid of 'em, man.

Matter of fact, we make

them the sacrifices

and f*cking destroy

their grandma f*cking asses.

-[T] Yes. f*ck they grandma.

-Nasty.

They f*cked my grandma,

they f*cked my grandma.

Where do we think we find it?

Look, when the ghost went inside of me...

-Hey, yo.

-Pause.

Guys, guys, you are silly.

Look, I'm just saying when

the ghost came inside of me...

Oh, you gonna double down on that?

Another pause.

Okay, you get it, you know what I meant.

When the ghost "possessed" me,

the ghost showed me

where the knife could possibly be.

And look here, guys.

This is our time to shine.

And more than anything,

I'm excited that

we're finally coming together.

[hopeful music playing]

-Let's do this.

-Let's do this sh*t, huh?

[all] Yeah!

-That was lame as hell.

-It was.

[Ellis] He was in your head while

you was giving him head.

[Ron] I did not say that.

[determined music playing]

This is it.

This is exactly it.

Hey, hey, wait, remember that?

[suspenseful music playing]

[all scream]

[Marjorie] He is arriving.

[distorted eerie music playing]

[dark music playing]

[Clauneck] You thought

you could f*ck with me?

[screams]

[screams]

-Now, he feasts!

-[Marjorie] Now, he feasts!

[Alton laughs sinisterly]

Whoa, where the, f*ck...

Who are you people?

Oh, that's spooky.

Oh, Ellis, Ellis... Something's wrong.

Don't look at me.

[laughs darkly]

I remember you assholes.

Especially you!

You did this thing.

What's this?

[all yelp]

Jared?

[dark suspenseful music playing]

Watch it!

What the f*ck just happened?

-[Ellis] Y'all okay?

-[Shari] Hell f*cking no.

-[Marjorie] The dagger, Alton!

-[screams]

sh*t.

Yeah, yeah!

[Marjorie] No! [screams]

[Alton] No, my love!

Yeah!

[dark suspenseful music builds]

[growling]

This is it.

Your whole life

has led to this single moment.

You have a choice to make, Terrance.

Turn your friends' souls over to me,

and I'll cure you.

And you can live

the rest of your life in freedom

that they've all had and wasted.

Or sacrifice yourself to me

and join me in the eternal damnation.

The choice is yours, Terrance.

Yourself or your friends.

What will you do?

[suspenseful tense music playing]

I'm like... Misericorde. [laughs]

[Ron] Glowing and everything, ain't he?

[everyone] T, no!

[all groan]

[silence]

[Ellis] I mean, yeah, it's not the beach,

but it's definitely

still a nice spot, right?

I got us a good rate.

I'm telling you, we can turn this thing

into something real nice

with all the money we got.

I can't believe that

crusty-rusty old mansion sh*t

is actually worth

so much, right? [chuckles]

T was low-key a genius for

breaking into that spot, I mean.

Yeah, you probably right.

He was blessing in disguise, huh?

-Mm-hmm.

-[chuckles]

-When crime pays.

-Crime pays.

-Yeah.

-[both laugh]

You know, that's why we gotta run it back.

That's why we doing this, right,

so we can make more money.

But it doesn't feel

exactly right doing this

without T being here

to celebrate this with us.

[clicks tongue, sighs]

But think about

how much money we get if we sell this.

Maybe we should hold onto it.

[eerie sting]

Yeah.

Yeah, come on, put it...

Yeah, we not selling this.

-Yeah.

-You wanna, um,

help me, uh, set up this office?

I got a lot of stuff in there.

I just need help setting up, I think.

We're just gonna...

No, I know what y'all doing.

Do y'all think I'm stupid? Y'all ain't

about to be in there setting up nothing.

-Yeah, we gonna set it up.

-You're holding hands.

You making the f*ck...

Don't be f*cking in there, okay?

This is a place of work!

Hi, Ron.

Joanna, what are you doing here?

Listen, I know things are not the best

between us right now,

but I heard about T,

so I just wanted to check in on you

'cause it sounds like

you've been through a lot.

[sighs]

Yeah, you are right,

I have been through a lot,

and thank you for checking in on me.

I appreciate that. [chuckles]

But I've been good, you know?

I've been really strong,

and honestly, I credit that to you.

Yeah, yeah, for real,

like you put me through a lot of bullshit.

Because of that bullshit,

I'm a stronger person.

You know we both made mistakes, right?

Nah, nah, I mean,

I didn't... I didn't do a lot.

I was really just committed to you.

You... you had a half-naked man

in our kitchen.

-He was the handyman.

-He was no g*dd*mn handyman.

You know well he was no handyman, but...

but I'm not petty like that.

I've moved on because I've forgiven you.

I forgive you.

That's what I came here for

to say I'm willing to forgive you

if you are willing to forgive me.

Cool, it's crazy to forgive people

for sh*t they didn't do.

But it's all good, you know something,

this is a good time,

especially when forgiveness

is in play, to start over.

That's exactly what I'm saying.

Well, I loved it,

I love the idea of starting over.

[smacks lips]

But without you.

Wha... what do you mean?

I mean I don't wanna...

Just me starting over alone.

Okay, Ron.

Good luck, I'm proud of you.

Proud of you too.

[scoffs]

That's right, okay, well, take care.

[sighs]

[exhales deeply]

[T] f*ck Joanna,

plenty bad b*tches out here.

T, is that you?

[T] Let's find out.

[laughs sinisterly]

[eerie music playing]

["Multiply" by One Shadow playing]

[unsettling music playing]

Yes, my Lord.

They have the blade.

They belong to you now.

Yeah. [laughs]

[Clauneck] You will be rewarded,

Ratface George.

[Ratface George] It's George.

It's just George! Damn!