10x23 - Mister X

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray,
and his Uncle Charley, William Demarest.

I.

Was wondering if I shouldn't create an
automatic lockout right here in case of malfunction.

Well, that'll work, Rob, but what do you think
about incorporating a bypass system right here?

Yeah, I could try that.

Yeah?

Mr. Anderson to see you.

Oh, send him in, Janice.

Hello, Robert.

Hi, Mr. Anderson.

Steve, can you spare a few minutes?

Government business.

Yes, of course.

I'll check back with you later.

Yeah, all right.

Steve, this is Mark Tanner, security
liaison officer from Washington.

This is Steve Douglas.

Tanner?

My pleasure.

If there are any questions, Steve, call me later.

Thanks, Bob.

Well, sit down, Mr. Tanner.

Thank you.

I didn't realize I was working on anything
that required security.

No, you're not, but you will be.

Oh?

This.

Well, seems operable.

It's operable, but we feel not to maximum efficiency.

And what we want you to do is to hype up
the supercharger to increase the intake flow.

I'd say that's feasible.

Good.

How long do you think it'll take?

Well, I wouldn't want to say, Tanner,
until I get into it a little further.

Well, actually, time isn't a major consideration.

Washington feels it very important, mandatory,
in fact, that this be kept a top-secret project.

I can't stress that too strongly.

What special precautions do you think are necessary?

We don't want the work done in the plant.

Would you be able to do it at home?

Oh, yes, I very often work at home,
and I could put in a full day.

No, no, nothing like that.

The only difference being that you work on this at
night, an hour possibly here and there weekends.

Oh, that's no problem.

Good.

Mr. Douglas, if you see... If you see
anything or anyone around your home

that strikes you as even slightly
suspicious, you're to call me immediately.

I'll keep you posted on where I can be
reached at all times.

Fine.

One more thing.

This security must also extend to members of your family.

Now, is there anyone at home who's likely
to suspect what you're doing?

Now, I can assure the government that's
the last thing it has to worry about.

Good.

I'll keep in touch.

Fine.

Oh, hi, everybody.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Hi.

What have you got in the extra briefcase, Dad?

Oh, well, it's a little work I thought I'd
get out of the way at home.

Two-top seeker for the plant, huh?

Boy, Ernie.

Yeah, boy, Ernie.

Working nights, huh?

Does that mean the honeymoon's over?

Hardly.

Real hush-hush project, huh, Dad?

Would you like a nice cold drink?

I love it.

Okay.

I'll bring it up.

All right.

Ernie, would you take over?

Ernie, you better knock off reading all
those spy and FBI books.

You're getting flaky.

Well, I may go into the investigation
field, so I'm doing a lot of research.

This is a typical M.O.

Who's going to suspect Dad working on a
top-secret project here at the house?

Not me, that's for sure.

That's all you know.

Those are spies off, too.

That's why they do it.

Sure, sure.

Security rule A-5.

It's known as going behind the lace curtain.

Ernie?

Yep?

You're a nut.

You.

Guys forgot your lunches.

Uncle Charley, it's Friday.

We always eat in the cafeteria.

Me, too.

Now you guys know what you can buy me for Christmas.

A calendar.

Hey, wait a minute, Chip.

Go ahead, Dodie.

See if you can catch up with Shirley.

See you guys later.

How come you did that?

No use endangering Dodie, too.

Man, Ernie.

Look over there.

He's not reading that newspaper.

He's really watching us.

Why would he want to be watching us?

To find out how to get to Dad's secret project.

Man, Ernie, the woodpeckers are going to
get you one of these days.

You wouldn't say that if you had done as
much research as I have.

I'm telling you, the Pinkertons had a case just like this.

I knew Dad was on a hush-hush project the minute
he walked through the door with that extra briefcase.

You know what, Ernie?

You're cracking up.

Come on.

Excuse me.

This, uh, place is... It's taken?

Drop anchor.

Were you, uh, expecting someone?

No, I got stuck with a couple of school lunches, and I thought
I might as well come over here in the park and eat them.

Oh, I see.

You, uh, care for a little chow?

Thank you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Hey, uh, haven't I seen you over on, um, Elm Street?

You know that kind of light, bright brown
house on the right-hand side?

Yes, I think so.

Well, that's the Douglas residence.

I'm the uncle around there.

I see, I see.

Mr. Douglas certainly seems like an intelligent man.

What kind of work does he do?

He's a darn good aeronautical engineer.

Oh.

One of the aircraft plants around here?

Pacific Research, Inc.

Must be well-picked.

Oh, you can bet your barnacles he is.

Sounds like a good man.

Well, they don't make him any better.

Let me tell you a few things about Steve.

Hey, hey, what'd I tell you?

About what?

Well, there he is again.

He's watching our house all right.

Some spy, Ernie.

Right out in plain sight.

That's part of the technique.

Security rule B-3.

Avoid suspicion by doing the obvious.

You get it?

Yeah.

You're cracking up.

I'm going to the market pretty soon, Dodie.

Rat of apples.

It's on my list.

You want to go with me?

No.

Myrtle and me just started drawing.

Myrtle and I.

When you finish, you put everything away, okay?

Okay, Mommy.

Okay, goodbye, love.

Come on, Myrtle.

Let's go borrow one of Daddy's pencils.

See any pencils, Myrtle?

No?

Let's look in the closet.

Daddy might have one in his coat.

I.

Bet Daddy has some here.

He needs a little boat.

Come on, let's go put a string on it,
and then I'll take you for a ride.

And not only that, she's... Barbara, did
you, uh, clean out our closet this morning?

No.

Do you think Uncle Charley did?

I don't think so.

He came by early to take the babies for a walk.

What's the problem, Dad?

Well, I'm, uh, I'm working on a project, and I put the
model in the closet, and, uh, it doesn't seem to be there.

Maybe you forgot where you put it.

No, I don't think so.

Well, it's gonna be around somewhere.

I'll help you look for it.

Uh, don't bother, honey.

I'll, uh, I'll check with the boys.

Well, fellas, uh, have either of you been
in my closet for any reason?

Not me.

Oh, me either.

Why?

Oh, I, uh, I just seem to have misplaced something.

Oh, what's missing?

Oh, it's nothing.

Well, you fellas, uh, do whatever you're going to do.

Uh, Tanner, please.

Uh, Tanner, this is Douglas.

Something's happened here.

I, uh, I guess I should have been more
careful, but, uh, after I got through

working on the project model last night, I put it in the
briefcase and put it in my closet, and, uh, now it's gone.

Now, nothing unusual.

Uh, no, nobody in the house but the family.

Look, Daddy!

Dodie!

I'm taking Myrtle for a boat ride!

Uh, hang on, Tanner.

Honey, wait right there, will you?

Uh, Tanner, everything's all right.

Yes, I found it.

No, uh, no problem.

So am I.

Goodbye.

Honey, uh, Myrtle's boat doesn't really belong
to me, and I have to take very good care of it.

You shouldn't have taken it without asking me, sweetheart.

I'm sorry, Daddy.

Oh, that's all right.

There's no harm done.

I'll tell you, we'll get another ride for Myrtle, okay?

Okay.

Dad, uh, that gadget is pretty important, isn't it?

Well, Ernie, I, uh, like to think
everything I work on is important.

Yeah, but this is different, isn't it?

What makes you say that?

The spy.

What else?

Spy?

Spy?

What spy?

That spy.

What makes you think he's a spy?

Well, what else would a guy reading a
newspaper in a car be?

Well, he just could be a guy reading a newspaper in a car.

But, Dad, that's B-3.

B-3?

Security rule B-3.

Avoid suspicion by doing the obvious.

Well, Ernie, I don't think we have to
worry about a man reading a newspaper.

But, Dad...

He was reading it when we went to school yesterday.

And when we got home, he was parked in a
different place reading it again.

And Chip saw him, too.

Saw who?

The spy.

All I saw was a guy reading a newspaper in a
car, and Ernie makes a whole big deal about it.

Well, I sure did make a big thing out of it.

He was watching us in this house.

You could tell.

Did he seem like a suspicious character to you, Chip?

Heck no.

He was just a guy.

Well, that's because you're not up
on... You're not up on research like I am.

Who'd be spying on us anyway?

That's right, Chip.

Well, thanks for the information, fellas.

Dad?

I, uh, I thought you were on your way upstairs, huh?

Well, I wasn't.

But I can give whoever you're calling a
real good description of the guy.

Well, thanks anyway.

Mr. Tanner, please.

Tanner, it's Douglas again.

Something else has come up now.

This may be nothing, but, uh, the boys tell me there's
been a suspicious-looking character hanging around here.

Well, there's no one in front of the house now.

What makes you think he was a suspicious character?

Oh, B-3.

B-3?

Avoid suspicion by doing the obvious.

Ernie's up on all the latest spy techniques.

Of course.

Chip?

Well, I didn't notice it at first,
but he did look sort of shifty.

Shadiest-looking character you ever saw.

Charley, you think this is the same fellow
you were talking to in the park?

Sure.

I spotted him the minute he sat down.

What'd you talk about?

What talk?

It was all questions and answers.

What kind of questions?

Well, stuff about Steve and where he worked and all that.

Well, what'd you tell him?

Oh.

Oh, well, now, I, uh, I played it a little cagey.

I'm sure Charley didn't give out anything technical.

Yeah.

I'm too smart for that.

I think we'd better get a description of
this man and have a little talk with him.

What, uh, what height would you say he was?



I'd say he was closer to 5'8".

He was medium.

Age?

Well, he was old.

And he had a beard.

The guy was young.

About 60.

He was middle-aged.

Well, I guess that's enough.

Well, don't you want to know the color of his eyes?

It would help.

Brown.

They were blue.

They were green with little brown flecks.

Don't forget, I was sitting right next to him.

Thanks a lot.

Mr. Turner, I'm almost out of here.

If I was in charge, this is what I ought to know.

This is what I'm doing.

You don't feel badly that your descriptions vary.

They usually do.

But if you see this man again, call me.

Okay.

You bet.

Well, Turner, I'm sorry this whole thing happened.

It's all right, Steve.

No, it's my fault.

Hey, that's him.

Grab him.

Why don't you step inside, sir?

What?

Perhaps I'd better come back some other time.

Oh, please.

Man, espionage right now in front of the room.

Please, sit down.

You're sure this is the man?

How could I forget a face like that?

Boys?

That's him, all right.

Sure, just like we described him.

What we'd like to know is why you're so interested in me.

Why were you watching this house?

What's your name?

Steve, when I was down at the...

Why?

Grandpa.

Why, I'm so glad to see you.

Thank you, my dear.

I'm glad to see you, too.

Dodie.

That must be Larry's little girl.

Yeah.

Dodie, this is Grandpa Harper.

Hi.

Hello there.

I haven't seen you for a long time.

You were just a little baby.

Papa.

Have you met everybody?

Well, not really.

Well, this is my husband, Stephen Douglas.

Stephen, this is Professor Harper.

How do you do, Professor?

This is Uncle Charley, O'Casey.

Hello again.

Our sons, Chip and Ernie.

Hi.

How do you do?

Mark Tanner.

How do you do?

Oh, I'm so glad to see you.

How long have you been here?

Just a few minutes.

Well, I'm so glad that Steve was here to welcome you.

Uh, Barbara, I'm afraid there's been quite
a misunderstanding.

Oh?

Chip and Ernie reported seeing a suspicious-looking
stranger watching the house yesterday, and, uh...

Well, it turned out to be Professor Harper.

I'm very sorry, sir.

No need to apologize.

What a silly idea.

No, they were right, Barbara.

I was watching the house yesterday and
asking questions about Steve.

But why?

Because I was concerned about Barbara and Dorothy.

I wanted to find out if you'd be a good
husband and father to them.

As good as my son was.

Oh, Pop.

Steve, I'll be going.

You don't need me any longer.

Well, sure.

Nice work.

I'm working with you, Mr. Tanner.

Well, thank you, Ernie.

If there's anything else I can help you
with, give me a call.

I'll certainly do that.

I'm sorry we were so full up around here, Professor.

I hope you didn't sleep too badly on the couch.

Oh, never better, Steve.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you for your hospitality.

So you're a teacher of oriental philosophy?

Seems a little obscure sometimes.

Look.

Look, while you two men are talking,
I'm going to go make some beds.

When you married her, Steve, you married
one of the finest women who...

Yes, I agree, sir.

Well, I must be on my way now.

Well, I wish you wouldn't hurry.

We're all enjoying your visit.

Thank you, but I've done what I came to do.

Now I know Dorothy and Barbara are happy.

Morning, Daddy.

Well, good morning, sweetheart.

Well, aren't you going to say good morning to your grandpa?

Morning.

Good morning, Grandpa.

Morning, Grandpa.

Good morning, Dorothy.

I mean, Dodie.

Professor Harper, you could do something
for us if you would.

How?

Barbara and I have a couple of things we
ought to do this morning, and Uncle

Charley and the boys are going to be busy, too.

If you could take Dodie for a walk in the park for a
couple of hours, you'd be doing the family a big favor.

Oh.

Would you like that, my dear?

Uh, you could take Myrtle along.

Could I?

Sure.

This is Myrtle.

I think bringing your doll along would be fine.

Myrtle's not a doll.

She's my friend.

She lives on my hand a lot.

I see.

Well, anyway, I'd love to have you bring her along.

I'm glad Myrtle could come with us.

She has quite a personality.

Yeah.

Myrtle says you're a nice grandpa to have.

Oh, thank you, Myrtle.

Myrtle says that's okay.

Do you know my daddy, Grandpa?

Yes, all his life.

He was real big.

I knew him when he was little, too.

Like me?

Like you.

I think you look like him when you smile.

Did he have a puppet like Myrtle?

No.

No, he had a dog.

What was this dog's name?

Um, King.

We have a dog named tr*mp.

Me and Mama got him when we married the Douglas' family.

Did you know that, Grandpa?

Did I know what, dear?

That when you marry a family, all their
junk belongs to you, too.

Isn't that neat?

Oh, very neat.

Was my daddy good?

Was he good when he was little?

Most of the time.

He grew up to be a good man.

I was very proud of him.

Then I had a nice daddy.

Yes, you did.

And you have a nice daddy now.

Steve reminds me of him in many ways.

Isn't that neat?

Very neat.

Very neat, indeed.

Dad, uh, could you drop me off at
Chrissy's on your way to work?

Sure.

Sure.

Who's Chrissy?

I don't think I've heard her name before.

Uh, new romance?

Thank you.

Oh.

We're on the litter bug committee
together, and we have to plan our strategy.

Uh, how come you're taking that back to the plant?

Oh, I'm finished with it, Aaron.

Pop it.

That's a big relief.

That's always good to finish a project.

Especially if it's a top secret hush-hush project.

Did I say anything about it being hush-hush?

Oh, I know.

But I spotted it for an A5 the moment you
walked in the door.

Oh, you did?

What's an A5?

Going behind the lace curtain.

Oh, I see.

Let me give you a hand, Dan.

Okay.

Thanks.

You know something, Dan?

It's a good thing Professor Hargill was in
a real honest-to-goodness spot.

Why?

Mr. Tanner is sure rusty on his security rules.

You know something, Dan?