10x22 - Baubles, Bangles and Beatrice

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray,
and his Uncle Charley, William Demarest.

All right, now, Chip is going to drop you
off at school, and if he gets warm,

you can take your sweater off,
but remember where you put it.

Just think of it.

My little girl is going to get vaccinated at school.

Do we have to talk about it?

Well, not anymore, because after today,
it's going to be something in the past.

Not in the future.

Does that mean something good?

That means there's nothing to worry about.

We better hurry up.

All set for the vaccination, Dodie?

Uh, Dodie would rather not talk about it.

Oh, heck, Dodie.

That's nothing but a little old needle stuck in your arm.

That's the part that kills my stomach.

Here you are, honey.

No more kid lunches.

You'll get the same chow as the big guys.

You mean I got bigger since last night?

Sure.

If you're big enough to get vaccinated.

Charley, I'm afraid they might be late for school.

Uh, don't let ancient history throw you,
Chip, just because it's new this semester.

I won't.

I hear old man Gray conked out.

I mean, Mr. Gray got something in his
bloodstream and won't be back.

Who's gonna take over his class?

I don't know.

But usually they get Miss Swenson from the
music department.

She doesn't know what's going on.

In history, that is.

She's probably okay in other stuff.

Oh, we keep forgetting you're a teacher.

Come on, look, you guys.

Get your feet out of your mouths and get started.

Have fun, honey.

Don't you worry, honey.

Everything's gonna be just fine.

Well, everybody's all ready to take off for school, huh?

Yeah, what's up?

Dodie, today's vaccination day, huh?

Bye, Daddy.

Did I say something?

Did I say something wrong?

Vaccination.

That's a word we're trying to ignore.

Oh.

Well, Dodie, I'll tell you.

Now, if you promise to get your
vaccination and make believe it doesn't

hurt, when I come home tonight, I'll bring you a present.

Hey, me.

Bye, Dad.

Bye, Mama.

Bribery.

Why didn't I think of that?

Here's your lunch, Dodie.

Oh, there you are, sweetheart.

So long, everybody.

See you later.

Bye, guys.

Bye, Dodie.

Hello.

Yes, speaking.

Oh, well, I don't know.

Who is it?

It's the Board of Education.

They want me to work for a couple of days.

Oh, well, grab it.

See you tonight.

Goodbye.

Well, yes, fine.

I couldn't be there until about 10 O 'clock.

Yes, I have it.

Thank you.

Well, whoever they got is late.

Whoever they got's got to be a lot easier than Mr. Gray.

Hello, everybody.

I'm sorry I'm late.

I'm Mrs. Douglas.

I'm here to teach you ancient history.

Uh, young man, your feet.

I might as well warn you that I don't put
up with that sort of thing.

Now, I don't know how long I'll be with you.

That all depends on Mr. Gray's recuperation.

For being older, she's a pretty together-looking chick.

Knock it off, Howard.

It's my mother.

Come on.

Now, if you'll all turn to chapter one in your textbooks.

It.

Doesn't make your stomach hurt or anything.

I knew you'd like it.

Who's your friend?

This is Beatrice.

She's in my class.

Hiya, Beatrice.

Hi.

Everybody stands in line to get vaccinated.

And it's okay if you cry or anything.

Yeah, well, this sounds like fun.

Now, look, girls, I got a lot of work to do.

You two go in the kitchen.

And Chip and Ernie will fix you a snack.

Your maid sure has a low voice.

The maid is Uncle Charley.

Come on.

Boys, this is Beatrice.

And we don't think vaccination is a big deal or anything.

See?

What did we tell you?

Hey, why don't you girls have a seat,
and I'll get you some milk.

Come on.

So, the vaccination was all right, huh?

Yeah, I just cried for a couple of minutes.

Coming up.

Here we go.

Go ahead, Beatrice.

Dig right in.

What are you looking at, Beatrice?

Nothing.

What was that all about?

Beatrice said she had to go home.

Well, did that call for whispers?

Beatrice wanted to know if it's okay to be
in the fraternity.

Hello, anybody.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Ernie.

Is your mother home?

No, I think she got hung up with paperwork after school.

Oh.

Dad, I know you probably want to relax
before dinner, but I've got a problem.

Could I talk to you about it?

Well, sure, Ernie.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Beatrice.

Dad, this is my problem.

No.

No, I'm not mad at you, Beatrice.

I'm talking to my father.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Oh, hi, Chipper.

Uh, can I talk to you?

I've got a problem.

Oh, well, I'm afraid you'll have to stand in line,
Chip, but, uh, I could take you right after Ernie.

f*ck.

In the first place, I'd feel stupid
autographing a picture myself.

Chip, pull the old phone job.

Hey, Ernie, would you get off the phone?

I've got an important call to make.

Hear that, Beatrice?

My brother has to use the phone.

Goodbye.

Ernie, this, uh, problem of yours, is she in your class?

No.

I'll wait till you hear this.

Beatrice, she's in Dodie's class.

Oh.

She walked in and fell for him in two minutes.

Broke every record in the book.

Well.

It's not funny.

Hello?

Oh, man, Beatrice.

As long as he's stuck, could I talk to you
before Mom gets home?

All right, Chip, step into my office.

Hey, do you want to talk to Dodie?

She's upstairs someplace.

You don't, huh?

Oh, what is it, Chip?

Well, my fate or coincidence or something.

You're kidding.

You know, the odds against that must be amazing.

I guess so.

Dad, she's kind of strict.

If she doesn't, she's in trouble.

Well, that part's okay, only...

Well, how am I supposed to act?

Chip, help!

Ernie.

You get out of that yourself now, and do it honestly.

How do you mean, how are you supposed to act?

Well, she's my mother and everything,
and everybody knows it.

But I think she's leaning on me just to show the
other kids her own kid isn't getting any special favors.

Oh, no, I don't think Barbara would do that.

She wouldn't do it on purpose, but maybe subconsciously.

Oh, hi, Ernie.

Oh, what a day.

I'm sorry.

I'm late, sweetheart.

Well, how's my prize pupil?

Okay, teach.

Hey, uh, look, Beatrice, I think I'm
coming down with laryngitis.

Ernie has a young girl problem, and I mean young.

Right.

Like a sore throat, only it doesn't hurt as much.

Oh, there goes my voice.

I'll see you.

Well, it wasn't exactly honest, but
it was the only thing I could think of.

Well, darling, how did things go at school today?

Fine.

It's funny how you get back in the swing of things.

No problems?

Uh-uh.

Nobody gave you any trouble, huh?

You know, Steve, the kids are really great today.

Yeah.

Nobody needed any special attention or anything?

No, we were all relaxed, and we communicated very well.

Why?

Oh, no, you know, just, uh, just wondering.

Oh, it was fine.

It was just fine.

And it seems to me the Romans had no right to
conquer and enslave the less advanced people.

That's good thinking, Julie.

Thank you.

Now, can anyone else expand on this idea of Julie's?

Chip Douglas?

Uh, I thought what Julie said just about covered it.

For instance, do you think Athens needed
the benefit of the Roman civilization?

Was that in the book?

Part of it, but I'm asking more for personal opinions.

Athens was a very advanced society.

I guess they didn't need them.

Who?

Who didn't need who?

Whom?

The Athenians didn't need the Romans.

Nice going, Chip.

Maybe Howard Jacobs can enlighten us.

I think what Chip says just about covers it.

What's eating you?

Nothing.

Then what's the idea of slamming your books on the table?

I'm going upstairs.

You know what that's all about?

Well, I guess having your own mother for a
teacher rattles your nerve endings.

Go on, Beatrice, give it to him.

Get well soon.

Who's sick?

Beatrice says you have that talking disease in your throat.

Oh, my laryngitis.

Well, it's getting better.

But I'd better go put some medicine on it.

I'll see you.

Hi, everybody.

I'm home early.

Hi, Uncle Charley.

Hi.

Well, now, this must be Beatrice.

Yeah, it's her.

How was school?

Neat.

I got another pedal on my courtesy Daisy.

Oh, good.

Mama, can Beatrice stay here for the weekend?

Well, I don't see why not.

We have to call her mommy.

Neat.

Neat.

Neat.

Let's go.

Ernie?

Yeah?

Did he talk to you?

Yeah.

What did he say?

Hey, he said how come I was following him.

Oh, yeah.

Ernie's real neat when you get to know him.

Hey, Chip, it doesn't sound to me like Mom
put you on the spot at school yesterday.

Look, you stay out of this, and I'll stay
out of your romance with Beatrice, okay?

Okay.

But I still think you're making a big,
high-strung deal out of it.

Hey, I'm not here.

Charlie's busy.

I'm busy, so I thought I'd come in here late to bed.

What are you doing down there, Ernie?

Oh, uh, the...

Nothing.

Oh, just leave them here.

I'll take them down when I'm through with the beds.

That's okay.

Is there something bothering you, Chip?

Well, uh...

Ernie.

Ernie?

Ernie?

I, uh...

Uh...

Uh, excuse me.

I think Uncle Charley is hollering for me.

He'll be back, honey.

Okay, so will I.

So she follows you around a little, Ernie.

It's really quite flattering when you come to think of it.

But, Dad, she doesn't follow me around a little.

No.

She follows me around all the time.

And if the guys at school ever find out
about this, I'm a dead pelican.

Ernie, uh, when I was in second grade,
I had a big crush on my teacher.

But as I remember, it didn't last more than a week or so.

Yeah, but, Dad, I... Ernie, I'm sorry,
but I have a little work to do here.

Okay, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Can I talk to you?

Well, yeah.

I guess so, Chip.

What is it?

Well, it's about Mom.

Well, she keeps after me in class.

Yesterday, she asked me about Rome and
Athens in front of everybody.

Well, Chip, I...

I wouldn't say that asking you questions about
Athens and Rome in history class was exactly persecution.

Well, I didn't say it was persecution, Dad.

I just thought maybe you could get her off my back.

Well, what do you want me to say?

Chip feels that you shouldn't ask him questions in class?

Anyway, Chip, Mr. Gray will be back pretty
soon, and then you won't have to be

embarrassed about your mother being your teacher.

Man, Dad, you make me sound like a dumb kid or something.

Well, I don't want to do that.

There is one way to handle this, though.

Like what?

Discuss it with her.

But, Dad, I... Chip, I have some work to get out here.

Okay.

Do you.

Want to know if we could talk to you?

Oh, yes, I'd say you have a turn coming.

We want to know if Ernie could visit next
week at Beatrice's house.

Well, Beatrice, I'm afraid he can't.

You see, he has a lot of chores to do.

Oh.

Beatrice wants to know if you could get
Ernie to stand still once in a while.

Well, I could talk to him, Beatrice.

Why does she want him to stand still?

Because when he's moving around, she can't kiss him.

Look, Beatrice, this is one of the plans
that work like anything.

I know.

I made it up.

Daddy's downstairs, and Ernie's in his bedroom.

You hide in the closet, and I'll hide behind the door.

Ready?

Ready.

Ernie!

Hey, Ernie.

I'm in Daddy's room.

Hey, will you go see what she wants, Chip?

I'm liable to get nailed by Beatrice.

All right.

I'm going downstairs anyway.

I think he's coming.

I think I'm nervous.

Hey, what's going on?

Well, it was going to be a kiss...
Only we caught the wrong person.

Ha ha.

Hey, what's going on?

In a minute, I will.

Okay.

Check.

Well, Dad says I should talk to Barbara about it.

And I say that would be opening a can of tuna.

Now, just keep your mouth shut.

But I think Dad's right.

We can't go on like this.

I like Barbara too much to resent her.

Hi.

Here's your chance, Alice.

Chance for what?

Uh, uh, uh...

Where shall I put the groceries?

I'll take them.

Mrs. Harper.

I'm Arthur Morgan.

You taught me at Valley Junior High.

Oh, I remember, Arthur.

Well, I'm Mrs. Douglas now.

That's my son, Chip.

Hi.

Hi.

And I guess you know Mr. O'Casey.

Yeah, we know each other.

Your mother was the only one who knew me.

She was the only teacher I had who really
ever taught me anything.

She was strict, but she really got the job done.

Was I really that strict?

Well, don't you remember making us stand up
and talk about Mesopotamia in our own words?

She always said she wanted us to think for ourselves.

Oh, I may not remember the exact dates,
but to this day I can tell you about all

the cultural changes in the Fertile Crescent
and how they affected the societies around them.

Okay.

You tell me about the Code of Hammurabi.

From the book or in my own words?

That's marvelous.

Actually, this delivery job is just temporary.

I'm going after my teaching credential.

Oh, good for you, Arthur.

See ya.

As a matter of fact, you were the one who inspired me.

Well, listen, tell me, what college do you think you're...

You still gonna open that can of tuna?

No.

Good.

It's a sign you're growing up.

It's okay, he's asleep.

You.

Know, it was the weirdest thing.

I'd walk into a room, Chip would leave.

I'd start a conversation, he'd become silent.

And then all of a sudden this afternoon, he became himself.

Well, good.

Did you ever talk with him?

No.

Why?

I just wondered.

Maybe it's my imagination, but I started
to feel that he resented me.

Come in.

What?

What is something wrong, honey?

It's awfully late.

Beatrice wants to go home.

Oh, uh, don't you feel well, Beatrice?

I'm okay.

She fell right out of love with Ernie, just now.

Oh, she did?

Did, uh, Ernie say something you didn't like of Beatrice?

Uh-uh.

She kissed him.

She kissed Ernie?

Yeah.

But she said it was like kissing a chair.

Well, I don't think we're getting the full picture.

Beatrice kissed Ernie when?

When he was asleep and didn't wake up.

Oh, I see.

You do?

You see, Beatrice kissed Ernie when?

She kissed Ernie, and it wasn't what she
expected, so she fell out of love with him.

Is that it?

Is that it?

Yeah.

Well, Beatrice, I think it's a little late
for you to go home now.

I mean, if we called your parents this
time of night, they might be frightened.

I guess.

So, do you think you could stand being in
the same house with Ernie until tomorrow?

I guess.

Well, you better go back to bed.

You better go back to bed now.

Want me to tuck you in?

Man, Mama, you think we're little kids or something?

Oh, well, I guess not.

I mean, after all, one of you already having been in love.

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night, Beatrice.

Good night.

Night.

Well, poor Ernie.

What do you mean, poor Ernie?

Well, he just hasn't got it.

I mean, girls kiss him, and it's like kissing a chair.

Sad.

Ernie's father certainly doesn't have that problem.

You know it.