06x14 - Douglas A Go-Go

[bunniefuu]

Charlie!

Oh, uh, wait a minute, Margie.

We have a little obstacle course here.

Let me clear a path for you.

There, you can get right through there.

This is part of Ernie's rock collection.

Chip used to be the rock collector, but he's changed.

From rocks to girls in one year.

Oh, what a lovely home, Steve.

I kind of always wanted warm and comfortable.

It's such a wonderful lived-in look.

Yeah, well, lived-in it is, Marge.

Charley!

I wonder where he is.

Well, it is sort of short notice.

You know, I completely forgot that we need
a witness at the wedding.

Of course, the last couple of days have
been a little hectic, for me anyway.

For me, it's been like a dream.

I feel like Cinderella.

I'm afraid midnight will come and I'll turn into a pumpkin.

Charley!

Steve, look.

Yeah.

The table's set for dinner.

They must have been about to eat at home.

And the, uh, food's still warm.

Why would they have left so suddenly?

And, uh, why they didn't leave a note or something?

What could have happened?

I have no idea.

Look at their plates.

They were actually eating.

Yeah.

It's kind of weird, isn't it?

It's kind of like the, uh, legend of that,
what was the name of that ship?

Uh, the Marie Celeste.

The ship that was completely abandoned
during the middle of a meal.

Well, the table was set, food was warm,
cigar burning, letters half written,

and, uh, for some mysterious reason,
no sign of anyone aboard.

Well, I, uh, wonder what happened to our crew.

I know they were all here this morning.

Morning, Uncle Charley.

Morning.

Oh, great, pancake batter.

Hey, Rob, you been into my aftershave lotion?

Why not?

You just use it to decorate the medicine cabinets.

Use an aftershave lotion without shaving?

Oh, I just like to have it on hand.

It gives me a feeling of security.

I gotta cut out in a minute.

You tell your dad if he wants breakfast, he better hurry.

I think he's on the phone upstairs.

Well, how am I supposed to order my groceries?

If I carry a pigeon?

What we need around here is wall-to-wall telephones.

Where are you going, Chip?

To meet Mary Jane.

I promised to help her with her math.

Can I go along?

Since when are you interested in math?

Or Mary Jane?

I'm not.

But you and me can goof around on the way.

And on the way back.

Okay, come on.

Yeah, I drove by to see if the wedding
ring would be ready this morning.

Oh, Steve, I can hardly believe today is really the day.

Yeah, today's the day, Margie.

Now, I'll pick you up in about ten minutes, and
we'll stop by the jeweler's and pick up the ring.

Then I'll drop you by your apartment, and I'll
go out to the plant and wind things up there.

Wonderful, Steve.

I'll be all packed, waiting for you.

Good morning, Charlie.

Good morning.

Do you want breakfast?

I won't have time for breakfast this morning, Charlie.

I've got a big day ahead of me.

Yeah?

You got something to tell me?

Yeah.

I won't be home for dinner tonight.

You haven't been home for, Charlie, the last five days.

I know.

I've been working on this new project.

What's her name?

She's a planet, Charlie.

Project Venus.

Okay.

So she's a planet.

Well, I've got to go.

I'm late.

Don't you have something to tell the boy?

Yeah, yeah, tell him goodbye.

Oh, I almost forgot my hat.

Oh, say, Charley, just to celebrate this new project,
why don't you take the boys out to dinner tonight?

Get away from that hot stove, huh?

Tell Venus thanks.

Yeah, I will.

Oh, say, I just might have to go out of town on this
project for a couple of days, but, well, we'll see, huh?

Goodbye, Charley.

Hey, Dad.

You can't.

All marry Jane with her man.

About an hour or so.

Hey, Chip, where's Dad?

Where?

Coming out of church.

How come he's going to church on Saturday?

Sure was in a hurry.

Hi, Chip.

Hi, Mary Jane.

Hello, Ernie.

Hi.

Chip, is your dad getting married?

Dad?

Getting married?

Heck no, why?

Mother's on the church decorating committee.

She said the minister called her to get
the chapel decorated for a wedding tonight.

Married?

Dad wouldn't do a thing like that to us kids.

Mother said it was Mr. Stephen Douglas
making the arrangements.

Heck, if Dad was getting married or doing
anything terrible like that, he'd tell us.

Sure he would.

All right, let's go.

Hi.

Dad home, Uncle Charley?

No, he's not home.

Why?

Chip was worried.

Mary Jane said her mother has to decorate
the church so Dad can get married.

I'm going to get married today.

I'm hungry.

What's to worry?

You wouldn't do a dumb thing like that.

Not without mentioning it.

He was with a girl.

What's so unusual about that?

Oh, hi, everybody.

Hi.

Hiya, Robbie.

Hey, did anybody see Dad around?

You too.

I saw him come out of the jewelry store with a girl.

What'd she look like?

Oh, I don't know.

I didn't get a good look at her.

Well, she's pretty young, though.

I mean, not much older than me.

Nice looking, a good figure.

For not seeing so good, you did all right.

I saw her too.

She must be the same girl Ernie and I saw
Dad coming out of the church with this morning.

Well, she looked pretty old to me.

Out of the church?

Yeah.

Mary Jane said her mother was decorating
the church for a wedding tonight, a Mr.

Douglas' wedding.

Okay, you guys, enough's enough.

Now, before you know it, you'll be saying
your dad's getting married tonight.

Yeah, well, how crazy can we get?

Yeah.

Just because I overheard your dad talking
on the phone this morning to some girl

about picking up a wedding ring and heading for church.

You did?

Yeah.

And then, Robbie, you saw him coming out of a
jewelry store with some good-looking young chick.

And she was kissing him.

She was kissing him.

Kissing him?

For a moment there, I got the idea your
dad was getting married without telling us.

Hello?

Yeah?

No, Mr. Douglas isn't home.

Who's this?

The Hooper Travel Agency.

Tell him what?

His reservations for where?

Uh-huh.

Been confirmed in what?

That's what I thought you said.

Thanks.

Confirming plane reservations for Paris.

Yes.

Well, I guess Dad's off on another business trip.

Paris?

When?

Tonight, midnight.

Reservations for two.

Well, he must be going with one of the engineers.

Sure.

That's why he reserved a bridal suite at
the Lita Hotel in Paris.

Just a couple of engineers.

Excuse me.

I'm going to call Dad and find out what gives.

Where are you going to call him?

At his office.

I must believe it.

Hello, Miss Miller, this is Rob Douglas.

Is Dad there?

He took the rest of the day off.

Well, if he can get married and spend a
honeymoon in Paris all in one day, my hat's off to him.

Yeah.



Miss Margie Milford?

Oh, is, uh, is she the bride?

Bride to be.

Wedding is at seven O'clock tonight.

Thanks.

Well, that's it, fellas.

Wedding tonight at seven O'clock.

Miss Margie Milford.

Well, who's she?

Don't jump to conclusions.

Jump?

Even Miss Miller knows about it.

Everybody knows about it except his own family.

Somebody getting married?

Yeah, Dad.

Dad who?

Dad who?

Your dad, his dad, everybody's dad.

I don't believe it.

Maybe he's in love and all that junk.

You know Dad better than that.

He wouldn't fall in love.

Happened to anybody.

Blew it.

I'm gonna find Dad.

There's gotta be some other explanation.

It's awful.

Just awful.

Awful?

This is terrific.

What's so terrific?

Horseradish.

Peanut butter and boiled eggs.

We're all scrambling at our feet.

All you can think about is your stomach.

If I can do something about my stomach, I
can't do anything about marriage and stuff.

Hi, Teddy.

Hi, Rob.

What are you doing?

I'm delivering some flowers to Miss Margie
Milford, a bridal corsage.

Well, isn't that funny?

She's an old friend of mine.

I'm going to see her right now.

I'll save you some time.

Thanks.

Okay, so long.

Bye.

Hi.

For me?

Uh, Miss Margie Milford?

Yes, but not for long.

Getting married tonight.

That's why everything's so cluttered.

Oh, don't look too closely.

I've been trying to figure what to do with things.

Everything happened so suddenly.

Yeah.

How beautiful.

Well, aren't you sort of young to be getting married?

Young?

Well, I'm 22.

Oh.

Well, uh, good luck.

Oh, would you do something for me?

All of my neighbors have gone to work,
and I can't get my suitcase closed.

Would you, please?

Sure.

Okay.

Listen.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I will be two until I marry you.

Isn't that sweet?

Yeah, that's sweet.

You know, you're a very quiet young man.

Well, not really.

My fiancé's like that, quiet and deep.

I work at the aircraft plant, secretary.

That is, I did, but no more.

I'm going to retire and raise a family.

Well, I hope you like boys.

We want girls.

Why don't you try sitting on the suitcase?

Okay.

Oh, poor Matilda.

She's a goner.

I've had her ever since I was a child.

Whenever I'd get lonesome, I'd talk to her.

Everybody needs someone to talk to.

In fact, well, that's how I met my fiancé.

My office was right next to his.

He'd be working late nights, and I would be too.

He'd come in and say, Margie, let's have a
cup of coffee and talk.

Did you know that secretaries are number
three on the amateur psychiatrist rating?

Well, I never really thought that much about it.

Mm-hmm.

Bartenders are first, then beauty operators.

Anyhow, that's how I met him.

He was lonesome.

Hey, you did it.

Thanks.

Lonesome?

Oh, yes.

What?

What about his family?

Hmm, I haven't met them yet.

Why not?

Well, he is older than I am, and I think
he's afraid that his family wouldn't understand.

But I don't think of him as older at all.

Well, uh, don't you mind marrying an older man?

When you're in love, age doesn't matter.

I mean, not really.

His family will just have to understand.

I look older when I wear my hair up.

Or a hat.

See?

Don't you think so?

Well, maybe with white hair and a shawl,
you just might pass for 23.

You're nice.

Very nice.

Oh, excuse me.

Hello?

Steve!

Oh, yes, the corsage came.

You're wonderful.

How soon will you be here?

Ten minutes?

Okay, I'll be ready.

That was...

Your.

Dad doesn't want us to know about it.

Well, marrying somebody half his age,
he's probably embarrassed.

And what about us men running around in
our underwear in front of her?

You'll just have to keep an overcoat on
over your underwear.

Judging by the poem he wrote, I think he's
as young as she is.

I love those strange things to a man, just like I said.

Never mind what you said.

If Dad told her he had a grown-up family,
well, it'd frighten her away.

He could break it gently, introduce me
first, then in age groups.

Gee, Rob, you had a chance to tell her about us.

Why didn't you?

Well, I almost did, but I...

Well, the phone rang, and then, you know, it was Dad.

I couldn't.



Am I supposed to call her Mom?

What about me?

I go to class with more mature girls.

Your dad isn't any different from anyone else in love.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Love is like poison Ivy.

Gives you the itch.

So what do we do?

I think you ought to start thinking about
what we can do for him.

And it's up to us.

Not to louse up the pending macrimony.

No matter how it affects us.

We shouldn't stand in his way.

I checked with the dorm at school, Uncle Charley.

They've got a room I can have.

Robbie, you might like living on campus.

Yeah, I'll be close to home.

I can check in here once in a while.

Find out how Dad's getting along.

Once they've settled down.

You talk to Mike yet?

Yeah, I called him in Arizona long distance.

They're just settling down in an apartment
at the new school.

Mike said just put Chip and Ernie on a
plane tonight and he'll take care of them.

Boy, he and Sally are really surprised to hear about Dad.

You know, Dad didn't let them know either.

Where are you going to go, Uncle Charley?

Ah, no, Bri, don't want me around here.

There's a ship leaving for Samatha
tomorrow out of San Francisco.

Well, might as well take this.

Mom, not that I could ever forget what you
characters look like.

Chip and Ernie getting their gear packed?

Uh-huh.

Picking it hard?

Well, Chip says it's okay as long as it's for Dad, and Ernie's
kind of used to being shoved from one family to another.

I'll be ready in a few minutes.

Sam, but Charlie, I know that Dad gave us
some money to eat out tonight,

but, uh, well, let's eat home.

Yeah.

It's okay with me.

Can't we even stand outside the church and throw rice?

Dad wanted us at the church.

He would have invited us.

Aren't we even gonna say goodbye?

We're all gonna send him a good luck
telegram when he gets to Paris.

Oh, yeah.

What's Arizona like, Chip?

Well, well, it's a real neat place.

Well, it's got sand, lots of space.

Desert, mountains, lakes to go fishing in,
and sand, and rodeos.

Cowboys?

Sure.

Cowgirls?

I'll say.

Knew there'd be a catch.

Now, you guys behave it, Mike and Sally.

I'll be sailing a high seas and I won't be
able to keep an eye on you.

And Ernie, you keep their lawn mowed.

How can I mow sand?

You can rake it.

Robbie, I've called you ten times.

Chow's on.

Come in.

Oh, no.

Hey, Dad's outside and he's got Margie with him.

Well, I thought he wasn't coming home for dinner.

Maybe he changed his mind.

He didn't expect us to be here, remember?

Grab your gear, out the back way.

We've all this good food.

We can eat at the airport.

What about tr*mp?

He'll be all right here tonight.

Well, can't we take him to the airport
with us and say goodbye?

Yeah, all right.

Then I'll drop him off at the kennel later.

Come on.

Come on, tr*mp.

Come on.

You know,

come to think of it, Charley did act a
little strange this morning.

Well, it looks like he's moved out.

But that's impossible.

Well, that must be Charley or one of the boys now.

Oh, Mike, how are you?

They think what?

They're where?

Oh, no!

I'm sure gonna miss you, Uncle Charley.

Yeah, me too.

We won't have anyone to holler at us.

I'm gonna miss you too, Uncle Charley.

It was real great having you around.

Come on, the first thing you know, we'll be saying nice things
to each other, and the next thing, we'll all be balling.

Hi, Charlie, fellas.

Dad, we didn't expect to see you before you took off.

Well, I stopped by the house, and Mike called.

He told me I'd find you out here.

Yeah, we did leave in kind of a hurry.

Well, that's too bad.

Dad, I wanted you to meet Margie.

Margie who?

Well, Margie, the bride.

I had the pleasure, Dad.

She's great.

Mind if I sit down?

Yeah, be our guest.

Dad, I know it was hard for you to tell us,
but we're on your side, aren't we, you guys?

Oh, sure we are, Dad.

Aren't we?

Yeah, even if you are marrying a teenager
and breaking up our home.

Well, Margie's hardly a teenager.

She's 22 years old, you know.

Ernie is a sore loser.

Say, uh, what are you fellas doing out here at the airport?

Are you, uh, going someplace or something?

Well, Ernie and I thought we'd like to
live at Mike and Sally's for a while.

Is that so?

And I was kind of longing for the sea again.

You know how it is.

Well.

And I'm going to move on campus, Dad.

I found this real great room right next to
the Alpha Delta Sorority House.

I can't beat that.

No.

Well, if you fellas have all made up your
minds to leave, I don't suppose I can change them.

You can change mine.

Eat your sandwich.

Well, there's Margie now.

That's Margie?

Who's the guy?

His name's Jim Johnson.

Boy, he must be a real close friend.

Oh, yes, they're quite friends.

As a matter of fact, they're getting married tonight.

They're getting married to each other?

Yeah.

You see, Jim's been living in Bolivia,
and he's been working on a government

project, and he's just been transferred to Paris.

So he just had one day in between,
so he came up here to pick up Margie,

and they're getting married tonight,
and then they'll be honeymooning in Paris.

He, uh, he was just too busy to make any
arrangement himself and he asked me to help him out.

You know, get the ring and the church and so forth.

You're not getting married?

Me?

Whatever gave you that idea?

No, I'm the best man.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Well, I guess, you know, I've been so busy
on this Venus project and, uh,

well, this wedding came up all of a sudden and it just
didn't occur to me that you fellas would be interested.

Do you really think I'd get married
without telling you fellas?

I didn't, but to quote a philosopher
friend of mine, love does strange things.

Strange?

A kid I know offered to eat a worm to show
a girl he liked him.

Yeah.

Now, when and if I get married,
you fellas will be the first to know.

Why?

We can go home.

Well, I can't think of a better place.