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05x27 - It's a Dog's Life

Episode transcripts for the TV show "My Three Sons". Aired: September 29, 1960 - April 13, 1972.*
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Widower Steve Douglas raises a trio of boys.

05x27 - It's a Dog's Life

Post by bunniefuu »

This is what you call a photo finish.

Hey, Mike, you haven't been on that phone
since breakfast, have you?

Sure have.

I've been trying to call Sally.

Boy, she sure must be sore at me.

How many of these cookies did you get, Steve?

I didn't get any.

Oh, Rob, would you put these drawings in one of those
cardboard tubes, you know, behind the dining room cupboard?

Yeah, sure.

Steve, you gonna wear a tie, or are you
promoting a sloppy look?

Boy, a space system designed for a
solar-controlled vehicle.

What's that all about?

Who cares?

We got a few mysteries right here at home.

Like who's been stealing all my cookies?

Maybe trapping them.

Oh, sure.

I suppose he unlocks the back door when
we're gone and invites his dog friends in for tea.

I give up.

Mike, what seems to be the trouble?

Oh, Sally wore a new hairdo last night.

I didn't like it, and one thing led to another, and pow!

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Oh, thanks, Rob.

Well, I wish I could help you, Mike, but this
big wheel scientist is flying in from England.

Oh, who is he, Dad?

Sir George Heather.

I promised to finish these drawings for him
so he could take them back to England tonight.

He's flying all the way here just for one day?

That's right, Chipper.

If he likes my ideas, he's, uh...

going to recommend a big contract to the
British government.

Okay, Robbie, you just won a popularity contest.

You can take me shopping.

I'll drop these libraries off.

Come on, tr*mp, outside.

See you later.

Outside, tr*mp.

And if you guys want any dessert tonight,
keep your mitts out of the cookie jar.

There's only five left.

One each.

Hello.

Dad, I'm going over to Mrs. Foster's house.

Oh, Bart, you're going over to my car.

She said if me and Ernie mowed her lawn,
we could keep all the rocks we found.

Well, good.

And then Ernie's going to
get... He's going to get a haircut.

I'm going with him, okay?

Fine, fine.

See you later.

Mike, why don't you go over to Sally's?

Maybe she's just not answering the phone.

Well, I guess I better.

Boy, I'll sure be glad when I get married.

Then at least if I have a fight with
Sally, I'll know where to find her.

Well, don't come.

So long, tr*mp.

Yeah, I'll see you.

Good.

Morning, Miss Simmons.

Good morning.

Sir George just arrived.

Mr. Johnson's bringing him in.

Good, good.

You look beat, Mr. Douglas.

Well, I was up most of the night winding up this project.

Good morning, Miss Simmons.

Well, this will pick you up.

Yeah, thank you.

Boy, that's a little strong this morning, Miss Simmons.

Make good rocket fuel.

Couldn't offer any of this to Sir George
without a countdown.

Well, I'll have tea for Sir George.

Oh, that's very thoughtful of you.

Right in here, Sir George.

Steve, this is Sir George Heather.

Steve Douglas.

How do you do, Sir George?

Mr. Douglas.

Well, this is certainly a great pleasure.

The interesting custom we human beings have.

We're always so terribly polite when we first meet.

It's a pity that people can't remain strangers.

Could be a very friendly world.

You're very pretty.

Thank you, Sir George.

Would you like some coffee?

Or tea.

Tea.

I made some for you.

The inevitable coffee pot.

American national symbol of brotherhood.

I'm rather curious to see what you Americans think.

It's called real coffee.

I've never had the pleasure.

Do you mind?

I don't, but you might.

However... Oh, John, would you care for some coffee?

No, thank you, Steve.

I'd better run along.

Sir George, if there's anything I can
do for you... Oh, no, nothing, thank you.

Just leave me with Mr. Douglas.

I should like to see what he has to offer humanity.

I don't expect anything startling,
but we should never despair of surprises.

Oh, thank you.

Hmm, interesting.

I beg your pardon?

I say, we make it the same way in England.

Dreadful.

I think maybe you'd rather have a tea, Sir George.

In bags, I see.

Yes, but bags or not, I think you'll like
it better than coffee.

Well, then I will, if you don't mind.

I thought we could work right here in my office.

Anyway, who's here?

Why don't you sit right over there?

Thank you, Miss Simmons.

I don't have very much time.

My plane leaves at five O'clock.

It's a quick trip, but the whole thing came up so swiftly.

My government is extremely interested in
your concept of this solar satellite.

Well, I'm glad you were able to fly over.

It'll be much easier to explain the
project to you in person.

I finished my drawings just last night.

I'll show them to you.

Well, I hope it'll be worth the trip.

There's one thing I dislike.

It is leaving home.

What did I do?

Matter of fact, I'm working on a new series.

An answer to the problem of getting from
one place to another without moving.

I'm thinking of suspending my little
cottage in mid-air, and then, with a

series of thermonuclear rockets,
the world will revolve underneath me until

the country which I wish to visit arrives directly below.

Then, with a quick flick of the wrist,
I shall descend gently to the destination

I desire, without leaving my own hearth sign.

What the devil are you doing, Mr. Douglas?

Mr. George, I, uh, I don't seem to be able
to find my drawings.

I must have left them at home.

You, you left them at home?

Yes, I, uh, I came downstairs,
and I put them by my telephone,

and then I went after my car keys, and, well, they
were in this tube, and they must have rolled off a ledge.

That's where they are.

They're at home.

You do realize, Mr. Douglas, that my plane
leaves in exactly three hours and 55 minutes?

Yes, yes, I realize that.

Now, what did I do?

I'll, uh, I'll drive home, and I'll be
back in a few minutes.

I don't live too far.

Do you mind if I come with you?

Well, no, no, not at all.

I'm curious to see if you can find your home.

I'll be out in a minute, Sir George.

Captain.

Yes?

Why don't we work here?

It'll save time.

Yes, I guess it would.

Come in.

Hello, tr*mp, old boy.

tr*mp?

That's an odd name for a dog.

Yes, I suppose it is.

Do you have a dog?

Oh, yes.

Name's Alfred.

Alfred?

Oh, I'd better clear the way.

It's a dangerous course if you don't know.

I like the cluttered look.

Makes me feel at home.

You were married, Sir George?

No, no, I did think of something impulsive like
that once, but circumstances changed my plans.

Something I regretted.

You live alone, hmm?

Yes, except for Alfred.

And Mrs. Wiggins.

Mrs. Wiggins?

Friend of Alfred's.

tr*mp has a friend named Wilson.

He's part of Mongrel and... Well, I guess he's all Mongrel.

You sure can't dig up a lot of junk.

We're supposed to keep the streets clean, dumb dog.

This ashtray, most unusual.

Made with a lot of little bits of rock.

Oh, Chip, my youngest son, is a rock collector.

He made that for me.

He gave it to me on Father's Day.

To my favorite dad, love from Chip.

Very nice.

Aha!

This is your family.

Mr. Douglas?

Oh, I'm sorry, I was just out looking...

Is this your family?

Yes, those are my three boys.

That's Mike, and that's Robbie,
and that's Chip right there.

Ah, and here's your daughter.

Yes.

Well, no, not yet.

She's, uh, that's Sally Morrison.

That's Mike's girl.

They're engaged to be married.

Reminds me of somebody I used to know.

You know, the eyes.

No, perhaps it's a smile.

I say, Mr. Douglas, you are a bit eccentric, aren't you?

Sir George, I, uh, I don't know how to explain this.

When I came downstairs this morning,
I put the drawings right there,

and now they're gone.

I do hate to remind you, old boy, but my time is limited.

Yes, I know.

I can't imagine what could have happened to them.

Isn't it possible that someone may have picked them up?

Yes, of course, but who?

Oh, Mike and I were the last ones to leave
the house this morning.

Chip's working today, and Charley and Robbie went shopping.

Charley?

Well, Charley's the boy's uncle.

He, uh, not the uncle.

He's the great-uncle.

I should say that the, uh, papers would
not fly away of their own accord.

No, no, of course not.

Maybe Mike came back to call Sally again, and
then, uh, well, he knew how important the papers were.

Perhaps we should contact the young man.

Yes, that's the thing to do.

Do you know where he is?

Yes, yes.

He and Sally had a quarrel the other day,
so he's probably gone already.

Ah, that's it.

Mike, I saw your photograph on George Heather.

Oh, yes, of course.

How do you do, Sir George?

What's my father doing here?

Looking for you and for his drawings.

His drawings?

Yes.

He, he seemed to have disappeared.

Disappeared?

Oh, my gosh.

Poor dad.

Ron, I'll pick up anything from the street.

Gosh, my dad's been working.

What are your problems?

Oh, long story.

My fiancée, Sally, isn't speaking to me.

We went on a date last night, and I came
here to pick her up and hardly recognized her.

Put it all up on top of her head.

Looked like a bird's nest.

And I assume you commented on it?

Yes, sir, when the eggs were going to hatch.

Well, I think an apology would be in order.

For something so... My dear boy,
always apologize for the trivial things.

The important issues usually take care of themselves.

Gee,

I'm glad to see you.

I've been looking all over the place for you.

Honey, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for what I said.

I apologize.

I apologize, too.

I was only trying to please you.

All you have to do to please me is just be yourself.

You don't have to change anything.

Who's that?

Oh, it's Sir George Heather.

He's over from England to see Dad.

Sir George, I'd like you to meet my
fiancée, Sally Morrison.

Hi.

Sir George, you... Dad!

Oh, hi, Mike.

I've been looking for you.

Sir George, have you met my... Oh, yes.

Mike, have you seen my drawings?

No, I haven't, Dad.

What about Chip?

Has he seen them?

Oh, no.

He ought to be at the barbershop by now.

We'll look there.

See you later.

Bye, Sally.

Bye.

Nice meeting you.

Sorry, Dad.

I haven't been home yet.

Ernie's getting a haircut, so he wouldn't
know anything about the drawings.

Me neither.

He's been with me the whole time.

Boy, it beats me.

Well, thanks, Chipper.

Now we're back again, tr*mp.

Hey, is that dog a permanent fixture?

He hasn't moved.

No, he hasn't.

You know, Sir George, this is the most
puzzling thing that ever happened to me.

An engineer and a scientist should be able to solve it.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Too bad you can't talk, tr*mp.

Maybe you could give me a clue.

Who?

Alfred talks.

He does?

Oh, yes.

I understand it.

He does.

Oh, hi, Rob.

Hi.

This is Sir George Heather from England.

This is my son, Robbie.

How did you do?

Glad to meet you.

And this is Uncle Charley, Uncle Charles O 'Casey.

How did you do?

Hi.

I thought you were supposed to be at the plant.

Well, I was, but I misplaced those
drawings I was working on.

You haven't seen them, have you?

We haven't been home since this morning.

Oh.

Did you ever try shopping for the weekend
in less than two hours on a Saturday?

No, I can't say that.

Those women shoppers are murderers.

They ought to have traffic signals in those markets.

I was just minding my own business, and all of a sudden
I got clobbered right in the middle of the stewed tomatoes.

England, huh?

I knew a girl from England once.

Her name was Tilly Telford.

And was she a... Charlie.

Well, she was.

How about staying for dinner?

I'd love to, but I have to get back to London tonight.

I guess you didn't look very hard.

What do you mean?

My drawing.

Well, they were there.

They were there all the time.

Well, they couldn't have been.

I'd better get to work on those at once.

Charley, maybe you left the back door open.

Of course I didn't.

Go see for yourself.

Well, I'll do that.

Maybe you figured a lot, didn't you?

You didn't, you know, that.

That's closed, all right.

I just don't understand.

When I left for the office this morning,
I forgot to take the drawing.

I came back to get them, and they were gone.

Now, where did they go?

They were on the floor, Dad.

You just didn't see them.

They were not on the floor.

I looked on the floor.

I looked on every inch of the floor.

I crawled on my hands and knees on the floor.

They were not on the floor.

Well, then how did I find them?

Well, I don't know.

That's what I don't understand.

The doors were locked.

There was nobody here.

Dad, you know, you haven't been getting much sleep lately.

I'm not that tired.

I've been trying to tell you guys there's
something mighty funny going on around here.

But you wouldn't listen to me.

Okay.

Now, this is going too far.

Empty.

Every last one of them gone.

Well, whoever took the drawings, that is sweet.

But how did they get in here?

And why did they take something and then bring it back?

Nobody brought back my cookies.

And if you guys think I'm going to stand
over a hot stove and bake all day, you're crazy.

From now on, you can eat store-bought cookies.

That beats me.

Douglas, this is fascinating.

Do you know you found the answer to a
problem that's really been bothering us?

Well, good.

You know, Sir George, I cannot understand
how those drawings... Oh, forget it, man, forget it.

If every mystery could be solved too
easily, there'd be no room for a scientist.

Just look upon it as a UFO.

One of those unexplained mysteries that
crop up now and then to make life more exciting.

Now, look here, old boy.

There's something I want you to explain here.

You see?

Now, where you bring this lead in here,
well, Douglas, here, this lead comes in and.

...

Hate to see you go.

Like to have you stick around for dinner.

Oh, I shall be back one day.

Sir George, thank you for autographing my math book.

My pleasure, Robbie.

Goodbye, Sir George, and I sure appreciate
the advice you gave me.

So do I.

I'll write and tell you all about the wedding.

Please do.

Sir George, I have something for you.

I made it at Christmas, but I didn't know
how to give it to.

That's very thoughtful of you, Chip.

I wrote something on the back.

Oh.

To Sir George, a very nice Englishman.

I couldn't spell scientist.

What makes you think you can spell Englishman?

Thank you.

Thank you, Chip.

Well, Sir George, I think we'd better be
going if you want to make that plan.

I'm ready.

Well, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Oh, hello, sir.

Gene, why don't you... I'd like to teach tr*mp some tricks.

Well, I'm quite one of these days.

Richard!

Steve!

I think perhaps I'd better... I guess maybe you had.

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