05x17 - A Woman's Work

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons.

Starring Fred MacMurray.

What are you going to do with this curling iron, Bub?

That's not mine.

It's a present for my Aunt Kate.

You ready for the bags, Bub?

Yeah, that one.

Oh.

Then listen, Mortimer.

Get plenty of sleep on school nights.

And don't live on sandwiches.

And help your dad run this joint while I'm away, will you?

I will, I will.

Now don't worry about us.

You just have a good time.

I intend to.

And hitting Ireland on my Aunt Kate's


Now, Chip, I want you to take a bath every day.

And remember, don't throw the towels on the floor.

And eat plenty of vegetables.

Okay, Mom.

I'll take this.

All right.

Easy now.

Be careful.

It's hip.

Let me get that.

Boy, what do you got in here, rocks?

No wise tracks, Barnaby.

You know, I'm liable to stay in Ireland.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

We.

All can't go to the airport to see you off.

I'm standing around like a lot of sniveling goonies.

I said no.

Chip, I have to go right to the office from the airport.

And besides, you fellas have to go to school.

So you're going to do the cooking, huh?

Yeah, Bob.

Well, if the stove won't work,
just take your pencil, poke around amongst

those loose wires, until you come to a
plug marked, keep clear.

Bob, I'm an engineer, remember?

Yes, I am.

Yes, I know you are.

And if you don't keep these wires clear,
the whole kitchen is liable to make like a...

Roman candle, huh?

Yes, a Roman candle.

So you're going to do the cooking, huh?

Well, good luck to your stomach, fellas.

I want to say goodbye to tr*mp.

Come on, boy.

Well, good.

There you are now, tr*mp.

You're a watchdog, so watch the place
while I'm gone, and do what Steve tells you.

Goodbye now, and I'll bring you a bone from Dublin.

There you go, Bub.

All right, boys.

Give that kid a kiss for me.

I'll do it.

I'll do it.

All right.

Well, you've got good pie and butter, Bub, huh?

Oh, yeah, man.

tr*mp's going to go with you.

You stay here with the boys.

Well, goodbye.

Have a good time, Bub.

How.

Come Bub thinks everything is going to get wrecked
up just because he's going to Ireland for a while?

Well, Chipper, I guess every one of us
thinks that the world can't get along without us.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, hi, Mike.

Did you get Chip and Rob off to school?

Oh, yeah, I got them off.

Hey, do you know something?

Chip was right.

Ruth Ellen went by the house on the other
side of the street.

Of course, Dad.

Did you make breakfast, Dad?

Oh, yeah.

Nothing complicated.

Just cereal and milk.

You're stripping the beds, huh?

Yeah.

The wash day?

Yeah, you want me to run the stuff down the laundromat?

What does Bub do?

Well, he washes them here.

Well, then I'll wash them here.

Aren't you going to work, Dad?

No, I arrange things at the office so I can
work here at home for the next couple of days.

Dad, I think you're going to find that there's a
little more to run in this household than you think.

Oh, but that's because there's no
efficient organization around here, Mike.

You know, the average housewife could do
all of her work in much, much less time

than it takes her if, well, she'd just get
things organized and systematized.

Yeah, but this isn't like an assembly line.

Mike, even though my degree is in
engineering, I'm sure I'll be able to

handle a little washing and cook an occasional meal.

Oh, this is the dryer.

Here we are.

Let's see, a simple rotary action,
probably one of the Air Force more.

Pretty difficult stuff.

Get the laundry in and go do the
marketing, and then I'll have time to go

up and work on the specifications for the X-204.

Oh, soap, soap.

Yeah.

Get things organized around here in a
couple of days, then I can go work in the office.

What's that?

Salomar all-purpose bleach for whiter, lovelier clothes.

Well, we want whiter, lovelier clothes.

What do you want, tr*mp?

Do you want to come in?

That's the switch you usually want to go out.

Do you want something to eat?

I didn't know you ate this time of the day.

You eat any time of the day.

Okay, tr*mp, we'll only get starts.

Let's see, now this probably is very difficult.

Start.

I made it.

Come on, tr*mp.

It's something to eat.

Take a review.

Oh, well, it can't be anything too functional.

It seems to be running all right.

Be with you in a minute, tr*mp,
as soon as I wash this dish out.

What do you think about the water pressure being that high?

Just look at that.

Without a pressure regulator, we'd be
blowing out all the plumbing.

Hey, Walt.

Walt, he doesn't care what I do at school,
as long as I don't get into trouble.

Yeah, my dad hates when I get into trouble,
and he has to come down and yell at the teacher.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Mr. Douglas.

Uh, Chip, you remember where Bob said to
stick the pencil, huh?

Ernie's here.

What?

Ernie's here.

And he said hi, and you forgot to say hi back.

Oh, I'm sorry, Ernie.

Hi.

Hi, Mr. Douglas.

Do you remember, Chipper?

Yeah.

He said he got to stick the pencil into
the thing where it says don't stick it.

He didn't say anything at all.

Dad, is it okay if I join the orchestra at school?

Well, that's what I'm doing, Chip,
but nothing, uh, nothing happens.

Ruth Ellen McClister is in the orchestra.

Chip wants to sit in there.

What's sticking a pencil in anything has
anything to do with anything?

I have no idea.

Ruth Ellen plays the clarinet, so I asked
Mr. Chambers if it'd be okay for me to learn it.

He said it'd be okay.

You don't have to buy one or anything.

Yeah, they got old ones that other kids use.

I think they boil them out, so you don't
have to worry about Chip getting germs.

Maybe I'm sticking in the wrong place.

Maybe I'd put it in here and try that.

All right, I guess that wasn't the way you meant.

Dad, is it okay if I join the orchestra?

No, you're fine, fine, Chip.

See, I told you he'd say yes.

Yeah, the best time to ask my dad for
stuff is when he's talking on the phone.

From our all-purpose bleach for whiter, lovelier clothes.

Even though my degree is in engineering, I'm sure I'll be
able to handle a little washing and cook an occasional meal.

The average housewife could do all of her
work in much, much less time than it takes

her if, well, she'd just get things
organized and systematized.

Well, what happened?

Did you have a nightmare, too?

tr*mp didn't do it, Dad.

I'm honest.

Hey, Dad, what'd you do to these things?

Dip them in acid?

Well, no, Mike, but I think maybe that bleach
that Bub has downstairs is just a little too strong.

No kidding, Dad.

We really ought to find someone to help out.

Why?

After all, I've made just one slight miscalculation.

The bleach.

It's not my fault that it's too strong.

And the stove is in bad condition, and so is the washer.

Well, at least get a man in to fix it.

Get a...

Mike, I'm an engineer, remember?

Yes, I'll take care of that, sir.

Dad?

Hmm?

If I get a clarinet, and if I get into the
orchestra, and if I play good enough to

sit next to Ruth Ellen, and if she likes me,
can we have her over for dinner sometime?

If you ask your mother, if she says yes?

I'm afraid I've forgotten what the original question was.

He wants to know if Ruth Ellen can come over for dinner.

Oh, sure, Chip.

If all those ifs work out all right.

Well, you better get dressed for school or
you're going to be late.

Well, your house just isn't as difficult.

Merits?

I don't know how that's all a man needs.

Hi, Dad.

Guess what?

I'm in the orchestra.

Oh, that's wonderful, Chipper.

Then we'll let him play it.

But it looks good to have more people sitting there.

Who knows that she can come to dinner if
you ask your mother?

Here's her phone number.

You can call Miss McPhister if you want to.

Oh, thanks, Chipper.

Are you going to blow up the stove again, Mr. Douglas?

No, Ernie.

I don't think I'll make that same mistake again.

It's a little like Albert Einstein
figuring out the theory of relativity and

then trying to add two and two and coming up with five.

Oh.

Dad, are you going to call Ruth Ellen's mother and ask her?

Uh.

Oh, sure, Chip.

When's she coming to dinner?

Tonight.

Tonight?

Yeah.

Maybe you better fix the stove.

Who's Mr. Einstein?

He must have worked out the plan.

Uh, now, where's that thing with the holes in it?

What?

Oh, here it is.

Mike, uh, take a look at the tapes, will you?

Yeah.

Oh, and don't jar the stove now when you
do it, because I've got a pencil stuck

down in there, and I don't want it to fall off.

Pencil?

Yeah, yeah, that's what makes the stove.

Is Robbie going with anybody?

Huh, just with girls.

Excuse me.

Well,

I don't know much about serving a dinner, but I think
you're supposed to serve the soup before the steak.

Why, sure.

I'm still cold.

You guys hurry up, I'm running out of junk to say.

Well, Chip, we'll be in there in a minute.

Now, you go on back.

Don't let Ruth Ellen sit in there all by herself.

Is the salt, huh?

Right there.

Mike, would you get the butter out of the icebox?

Yeah.

Right there.

Yeah.

Dad, what's this orange stuff?

Oh, that's, uh, gelatin I made for, uh, for dessert.

I got some of that aerosol stuff to squirt on the top.

I don't think it's ready for that.

In fact, I think we better serve it in cups and drink it.

You mean it didn't get hard?

Oh, boy.

Well, look, why don't we put it in the
freezer compartment, huh?

Here, let me move that over.

Yeah.

Give me the butter, please.

Dad, the soup doesn't burn you,
but I think it's ready to be served.

Well, good for the bowls, then.

It's warm enough.

What do you guys think of Ruth Ellis?

Well, she's a pretty little thing.

She's pretty, but she's an operator.

Oh, come on, Rob.

A little girl like that.

I've got radar.

She's an operator.

Look, why don't you take the soup in there?

Yeah.

Mike, why don't you mash the potatoes, okay?

Yeah.

Oh, pardon me.

I just love the soup, of course.

It's such a wonderful harbinger of things to come.

Yeah, me too.

You do that very well, Robbie.

What?

Set soup down?

I mean, you have a flair.

I can see you've been to the better restaurants.

Aren't Dad and Mike coming?

Oh, yeah.

They'll be here right away.

Bob used to do the potatoes by hand,
didn't he, with a milk pot?

Yeah, well, I thought it'd be faster with a blender.

Dad?

Mike?

Chip wants you to come and eat the soup.

Okay.

Mike, why don't you finish the potatoes later?

I'll turn the steaks off for a while.

So I don't plan to be a concert clarinetist.

I just play for amusement.

Well, here we are.

Dad?

Hmm?

Aren't you going to take off the apron?

You're coming.

Better not.

There.

I made warrior apron to the table once and
made our cook furious.

I imagine it did.

Well, how was the soup?

Ruth Ellen says you should always wait for the host.

Oh.

Well, I guess we can all start now, huh?

Mmm.

Reminds me of cold vichyssoise.

It doesn't weigh, doesn't it?

But I guess we'll have to settle for just cool asparagus.

Robbie, did anybody ever tell you you have
a dignity of bearing?

Well, Ruth Ellen plays the clarinet real neat.

Thank you, Chip, but I'm thinking of leaving the orchestra.

Oh, is that so?

Well, that's too bad, Ruth Ellen.

I'm sure some of the other musicians will
be very sorry to see you go.

Maybe, Mr. Douglas, only I'm not sure it's good
for a girl's lips to vibrate them all the time like that.

What do you think, Robbie?

Um...

Well, I... No, I think it's okay to vibrate them.

I mean, you're not going to be doing anything
with them except talk for a few more years.

Well, Ruth Ellen, what do you plan on
doing when you grow up?

I mean, when you're older?

I was thinking seriously of the theater for a while.

You know, the Stanislavski method and all.

But my mother says a girl with social
position is practically obliged to do social work.

I see.

Well, do you smell something burning?

The steaks!

Oh, how could they be burning?

I turned them off!

Did you notice how alert Robbie was?

About what?

He was the first to smell the smoke.

Well, I smelled it.

Except I didn't want to holler out and get
everybody scared.

What was it, Robbie?

Oh, Dad turned off the wrong knob.

He let the steaks burn.

I might.

The number's in that book by the phone.

Yeah.

Now, don't worry, Ruth.

We'll have dinner here pretty quick.

It'll be very good.

Uh, let's air the kitchen out.

Yeah.

Open the back door.

I hope you're happy.

You get her home all right?

Yeah, all right.

Got her home.

Was our car elegant enough for her?

You know, she's not a bad little kid.

She's the product of her environment.

No, big fancy house and all that?

No, as a matter of fact, the house wasn't
fancy at all, but, uh, I did meet her mother.

Oh, Chip got upstairs?

Yeah, thought we'd leave him alone till you got home.

Yeah, he didn't holler at us or anything.

He just went upstairs.

Well, I don't imagine this was the
greatest evening in Chip's life.

You embarrassed him and she made him look foolish.

That's a rough combination with your first love.

I better go up and see if I can cheer him up.

Want us to go with you, Dad?

No, no, thanks, Mom.

Poor Dad.

I'm sure glad I didn't give him any
trouble like this when I was a kid.

Chipper.

Hi.

Hi.

Chip, I, uh, I want to talk to you about tonight.

Boy, wasn't she a creep?

I want to quit that dumb orchestra.

Well, I wouldn't quit the orchestra just
because she's a creep.

I mean, uh... Dad, this guy's
flying at almost the speed of light.

And this guy's flying at almost the speed of light.

He says if he flies that fast, he'll disappear.

How can he disappear by flying fast?

Well, Einstein had a theory, Chip, that, uh... when matter
approaches the speed of light, it, uh, changes molecularly.

He worked it out mathematically, but, of course,
uh... every theory has to be applied to be proven.

Boy, they ought to give him a raise.

Raise time?

Yeah.

He sure thinks a good joke.

Yeah.

Uh, you've done your homework, huh?

Yeah.

Well, don't be too late now, huh?

Okay.

Dad?

What'd you want to talk to me about?

Oh.

Oh, well, uh, nothing, Chip.

I, uh, I just came up to say good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Piping hot.

What is it?

What is it?

It's an omelet.

I thought it was kind of silly to cook a lot of
eggs, and put them all together and make an omelet.

Dad, isn't it, uh... kind of dark?

Dark?

Well, it's crisp, but that's what I mean.

It's not burned.

Here, hold over.

All right.

I hope you'll follow some joy there.

I've got to get out the plant.

I'm really behind.

I was wondering, I'll grab something to
eat at the commissary.

Uh, Dad, I think you ought to taste this.

Oh, yeah, Dad.

Well, you know, this is the first omelet I've ever made.

Yeah, nice and crisp, isn't it?

How do you think we ought to word the ad?

How about housekeeper wanted, must be able to cook?

Or housekeeper wanted till grandfather gets back?

Or maybe cook wanted.

Might as well give this stuff to tr*mp.

Rob, don't you dare give that to tr*mp.

He's our dog.

Just put it back to tr*mp.

You're watching Fandemonium Weekend,
where all episodes are fan-selected.

And even better.

Coming up next is...

Another episode that ranked among the top ten most popular.

It's sure to provide TV satisfaction
guaranteed, so stay tuned.