05x15 - Robbie and the Nurse

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons.

Bring Fred MacMurray.

Oh, yeah.

What was the final score?



No kidding.

How did we get 3?

You kicked a field goal and broke your leg.

I broke my leg kicking a field goal?

No, you kicked a field goal, then your


Really?

Then you passed out.

Wow.

How about that?

Three points against Milford and we
thought they were tough.

Everything's fine.

It was a simple fracture and it's set perfectly.

Oh, well, that's a relief.

He's going to have to be in a cast for about
four weeks, but he can come home on Monday.

Can we see his cast now, Dad?

Oh, yes.

He's a little groggy from the anesthetic,
but we can go in for a few minutes.

The only thing he's worried about is
missing the rest of football season.

Hey, did you get a look at her?

One of those places is doing such a great business.

I think she's a student nurse.

What's she studying?

I don't know what branch of medicine it
is, but I hope I catch it.

Uh, fellas, we were going to visit Robbie, remember?

Rob gets a look at her, and we'll never
get him out of here.

A picharito might be too much for our Robbie.

Too much what?

Uh, you'll find out in about six years, Charlie.

Is one of you Mr. Douglas?

Uh, yes, I'm Mr. Douglas.

I am Yvonne Phillip, Robbie's nurse.

Robbie's nurse?

Cherry vanilla ice cream, his favorite.

Would you like to take it to him?

Oh, surely.

Yeah, I think Robbie's an adorable boy.

Oh, yeah.

Adorable?

Robbie?

My dumb brother?

Must be some new theory on therapy.

Well, let's go in and see if we got the right Robbie.

Ron?

I'm sorry, Rob.

It's just us.

Oh, hi, Rob.

Hi.

Well, let's meet Robbie, all right.

Hi, Rob.

I said it kind of made me woozy.

I guess we didn't really appreciate you, Rob.

How about that?

A 30-yard field goal.

Field goal?

I mean, Yvonne.

Oh, yeah.

Isn't she something else?

When I was in the hospital, my nurse
looked like Abraham Lincoln.

Rob, Yvonne sent in this ice cream,
but I see you already have some.

Did she bring that in to you, too?

I told her cherry vanilla was my favorite.

Oh.

Can I have some, Rob?

Sure.

Well, Rob, does she treat all her patients like this?

I'm her first patient.

Oh.

Her aunt was a w*r bride and just brought
Yvonne over from Paris.

She gave me all these magazines.

She even sang to me.

Very softly when I was coming out of my anesthetic.

Well, enjoy it while you can.

You're going home Monday and nobody's
going to sing to you there.

There.

When Dr. Littman will take the cast off, we'll
try to keep this piece intact as a remembrance.

As well.

Boy, I'm sure glad you could come today.

Yvonne, how'd you get away from the hospital?

I switched with Jane Johnson so I could be
with you today for the transition.

Well, be my guest.

Oh, it's time for your calcium.

No, I had to heat this for His Highness.

I hope it's the right temperature.

Perfect.

Before I go upstairs, will there be
anything else, oh great and noble master?

Well, I'll tell you what I'd like.

I'll tell you what you're going to get.

If he wants anything.

That's what a nurse is for.

Drink up now, drink up.

What's he saying, huh?

You'll have to wait six years for the answer.

How come?

I don't know.

That's what they keep telling me.

They always talk before you when you ask
questions about girls.

Yeah, I'm going to quit asking.

Well, I already did.

Now I'm mostly asked about birds and animals and insects.

My dad's an expert.

Sometimes he gets goofed up, though.

How?

Like last night, when I wanted to know
stuff about birds and bees.

You should have heard the crazy answer I got.

You know, Bub said that if he could be sure he'd
get a nurse like you, he'd try for double pneumonia.

That's why now, okay, I have a full-time job.

You.

Are you tired?

I have this strain around the eyes.

We'll fix that.

Put your head back.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm tired.

I'm tired.

I'm tired.

I'm tired.

I'm tired.

I'm tired.

I don't know.

It kind of looks like she goes for him.

But that's ridiculous.

She must be at least five years older than Ron.

But she saw his age on the hospital chart.

Well, she is here on her own time, isn't she?

I mean, we're not paying her by the hour.

No, this is her day off.

It just doesn't make sense, does it?

Sure doesn't.

She's too mature, too smart, too beautiful.

Well, women are strange creatures.

I saw a guy on a ship out of Port Said.

He looked like a gorilla.

But you should have seen the girls hanging around.

But not Rob.

No, no, it just doesn't make sense, Rob.

Rob, where's Yvonne?

She went to the drugstore for some rubbing alcohol.

Oh.

Do you mind if I turn this off for a minute?

No, it's okay.

Well, uh...

How's the leg?

It's okay.

A kind of itch is under the cast.

I was dying to scratch it, but I had to
wait till Yvonne left.

That's something I've been wanting to talk to you about.

Itches?

No, Miss Philippe.

Yvonne.

Boy, what a doll.

Yeah.

I don't want you to take offense at this, Rob.

Uh...

But just how do you account for her interest in you?

What do you mean, account for it, Dad?

Well, it seems to me that she's just
a little, uh... Dad, think of it this way.

If you wake up one morning and someone hands you a million
dollars, are you going to ask a bunch of foolish questions?

I guess maybe I have something there, Rob.

Maybe she lost an election bet.

Maybe she knows something we don't.

Or maybe this is just a beautiful dream.

Who cares?

Okay.

Hi, Mike.

Well, hello, Mr. Douglas.

Hello, Miss Philippe.

Well, are you ready for your nice alcohol run?

Oh, you bet.

Would you hold this, please?

Okay.

Thank you.

Now, lie down on your stomach and pull up your shirt.

I just can't figure out why.

You want me to tell you why?

You mean you know?

Absolutely.

Why, it's obvious.

Well, Bub, if you know, why didn't you tell me?

Because you'd tell me I've got bees in my bonnet.

Well, now, why would I say that?

All right, why does she come here?

What does she want?

You.

Me?

Bub, you've got bees in your bonnet.

What did I tell you?

Hello?

This is Chip.

May I speak to Ernie, please?

Oh, he is, is he?

No, it's nothing.

Bye.

Did I hear you calling Ernie?

He's a double-crossing, low-down snake rat.

Oh.

What's he done now?

He's over at Linda Sue Clark's house again.

How low can a person sink?

I suppose you think it's funny, don't you?

Well, Ernie was my friend, and now
he's not, and I don't think that's funny at all.

I thought it would be a good idea to get a
woman's angle on this whole thing, Sally.

I talked to Bub, but he has the wild
theory that, uh, Well, never mind his theory.

What's yours?

Well, did it ever occur to you that she might be
interested in someone else who lives at your house?

Like who?

Like you.

Sally, you've got bees in your... I mean,
that's ridiculous.

She always visits Robbie in the evenings, doesn't she?

When you're at home?

Well, yes, but that's because she doesn't
work at the hospital evenings.

And she makes a special point of saying
hello and goodbye to you, doesn't she?

Well, everybody says hello and goodbye.

You say hello and goodbye.

Even the mailman says hello and goodbye if
I happen to run into her.

I didn't mean to upset you.

I'm not upset, Sally.

It's just that, well, I wish the whole thing would go away.

I don't like being part of a triangle with Yvonne and Rob.

Wait a minute.

I've got an idea.

You know, Mike knows one of the interns at the hospital,
and maybe he could get him to find out what goes with her.

Well, somebody better.

I don't like being a corner of a triangle, and I want out.

Well, she sure isn't setting her starched
little cat for a kid like Robbie.

Or Chip.

Chip, and your grandfather is too old.

That leaves one eligible man.

I'm engaged.

Well, who's talking about you?

Your dad.

Oh, hi, Joe.

Yeah, sure.

Yvonne ought to be here in about a half hour.

Okay, well, tell Henry I want to see him drool.

Well, Al's bringing Dave, and Dave wants
to bring Bob, Charley, and Eddie.

Listen.

Even after you see her, you won't believe it.

I did it myself at first, but she's for real.

Yep, every night.

Rubs my head, makes me nourishing custards, sings to me.

Okay, don't believe it, but just wait till you see her.

You won't believe it.

Okay, bye.

Curtain goes up at eight, huh?

Curtain?

Yeah, the show.

The circus.

You gonna have a band?

Or how about an emcee?

I'm available.

Mark, I don't even know what you're talking about.

I'm talking about Yvonne.

Well, how do you think she's gonna feel
when she finds out that you've invited a

bunch of teenage wolves over to leer at her?

Well, she said it was okay.

You got her permission?

Well, yeah.

She said anything was okay with her so
long as it makes me feel better.

Oh, none so blind as those who will not see.

Hello?

Hold on.

Chip, it's for you.

Is it Ernie?

I think so.

I don't want to talk to him.

Hello, Ernie?

I told you I'm not home.

What do you mean you don't believe me?

I say I'm not home, I'm not home.

I don't know when I'll be back.

Is there any message?

Okay, I'll tell my grandfather to tell me to call you.

And then I won't.

Why don't you go call up your old Linda Sue Clark?

Come on, Douglas, where is she?

I don't know.

She's never been this late before.

Come on now, Robbie, what is this,
a broken-leg fantasy, huh?

Yeah, I bet you that's her right now.

I'm sorry I'm late, Robbie.

Oh, that's okay, Yvonne.

I want you to meet some guys.

Fellas, this is Yvonne Felice.

Hi, everybody.

Yvonne, this is Al, Henry, Charlie,
Bob, Joe, Dave, and Eddie.

Is your father home yet, Robbie?

Yeah, he's upstairs.

Oh, fine.

Now, you know what we're going to do tonight?

Well, I thought the guys might want to
watch you while you rub my head.

She's got real cool hands.

Not tonight.

Oh, come on, Yvonne.

Oh, you're going to sing to me?

Wait till you hear her voice.

Combination of Streisand and Doris Day.

This I got to hear.

Tonight we dance.

Dance?

That's going to be great for them,
but how's it going to help me?

You will try to dance with me.

What, in a cast?

You can move, you can dance.

It's a wonderful exercise.

And your leg needs the circulation now.

Come on.

Hey.

That's it.

First Bub, right out of the blue.

Then there was Sally, you could call that
woman's intuition.

And, uh, and my friend the intern.

Well, your friend the intern isn't supposed to be
doing any diagnosing until he becomes a doctor.

And now we find out that this Yvonne has
been calling up all day.

Not to talk to Robbie, Dad, but to talk to you.

Yeah.

Mike, if I'd had any inkling right at the
start why she was coming here,

I would have stopped the whole thing right then and there.

But now that it's gone on this long, if I say anything,
Robbie's going to be hurt, she's going to be hurt.

I don't know what to do.

I think you better talk to her, Dad.

Yeah, I guess I'd better.

I'll just have to try to figure out some
way to be tactful and firm at the same time.

Let her down easy.

You know, really, it shouldn't be too hard.

It's too hard to explain to her, Dad.

Just tell her that a young, beautiful girl like she is
shouldn't be wasting her time with a man your age.

I'll try to keep that approach in mind.

Thank you.

Well, I think...

Well, I think the treatment is a success.

That's it.

Oh, no, you're not so early.

Cool it, you guys.

Yvonne has to be at the hospital early in the morning.

But she'll be back tomorrow night.

That's right.

Oh, isn't your father coming down, Robbie?

That's funny.

I thought he was going to join us.

Oh, there he is.

Hello, Mr. Douglas.

Well, hello, Tweet.

I heard the music stop.

I thought the party was over.

It's not over yet, Dad.

Oh, yes, it is for me, Robbie.

I have to go back to the hospital.

Oh.

Mr. Douglas, would you mind hopping me off to the hospital?

Well, I'd be glad to.

As a matter of fact, that's why I came.

I mean, I'd like to.

Thank you.

We'll take her back, Mr. Douglas.

Sure, we'd love to.

Oh, it'll be no trouble, fellas.

I'm going downtown anyway to pick up some tobacco.

Bye, boys.

Bye, boys.

See you tomorrow.

Bye, Robbie.

Well, what do you think?

Delivered most.

Awesome.

Wow.

It's the only way to break a leg.

Nice of you to invite me in for coffee.

It was very interesting to hear how you
decided to become a nurse.

It's a wonderful profession.

You can certainly use more nurses.

Miss Philippe, there's something I've been
wanting to talk to you about alone.

Please call me Yvonne.

Miss?

Yvonne, speaking as a much older man.

Older?

You?

Oh, yes, yes, I'm very mature.

I find that I've come to the point in life
where, well, I'm very fussy about little things.

Like, well, take my socks, for instance.

I'm very particular about how they're
placed in my bureau drawer.

They have to be rolled up and put in rows, row by row.

Blue's here and gray's here.

And, well, I just find that there are many
things like that these days.

I guess Bub's right.

He says that there's nobody in the whole
world that could stand being married to me.

Only a woman knows what it feels to a woman.

And I am a woman.

Oh, yes, yes, you are.

But you're a very young woman, Yvonne.

Not that young.

I mean, I knew what I was doing,
spending all that time at your house.

And it worked.

Well, now, uh... Now, here was a boy who
might have had a serious psychological trauma.

Trauma?

Oh, you mean run?

Mm-hmm.

A broken leg could have left a terrible
mental scar, if he had time to brood about it.

I read something like this in nursing school.

You did?

Uh-huh.

My first case was so important to me.

I know a simple fracture isn't too serious,
but I wanted to begin my career with a success.

I tried to feel every minute of Robbie's
time, to keep him busy, to baby him,

to keep his ego satisfied, and I think it worked.

Oh, yes, oh, yes, yes, it worked.

He's made a wonderful adjustment.

So I guess I'll be moving on to my next
case, and it will be up to you to take over.

Oh, I've got the most fascinating case coming up.

A herniated disc.

A herniated disc.

Well, that sounds fascinating.

I knew you would understand what I was doing.

Well, I must admit, Yvonne, that I didn't
completely, but I guess when you get to be

my age, you're a little slow at catching on to things.

Then I'm glad I told you.

I'm glad you told me, too.

You don't think that it's kind of square
for a nurse to be so dedicated?

Square?

Oh, no, indeed.

I just don't know how to thank you, Yvonne,
for, well, for everything you've done for Rob.

Well, it was a pleasure.

And I just hope your herniated disc turns out successfully.

It all boils down to the one thing I'm
always harping on, lack of communication.

All we had to do was go to Yvonne and ask
her, and we'd have found out.

There'd have been no problem.

Sure there would have.

She's a girl, isn't she?

Chip has declared w*r on the weaker sex.

Oh.

I thought the w*r was with Ernie.

It's the same thing.

Ernie has gone over to the enemy.

Her name's Linda Sue Clark.

Chip, Ernie just might have a very good
reason for spending time with Linda Sue.

Have you taken the trouble to ask him?

Why should I?

Either he's my friend or he's the friend of a girl.

It's Ernie.

Well, Chip, here's your chance to communicate.

Now, uh, go on, communicate.

I have to go to work.

I'll see you at night.

I'll see you later, Dad.

See you around.

I'll see you.

Hi, you home yet?

I guess so.

My dad says I'm supposed to communicate with him.

That's not fair on account I wear glasses
and I'm smaller than you.

It's not like that.

It's like asking questions.

About what?

About how come you keep going over to see Linda Sue.

Heck, I don't go to see her.

I go to see her pony.

You mean she has a pony?

She has a real pony?

Yeah, and she lets me ride it and everything.

Hey, do you think she'd let me ride it?

Why not?

I'll just tell her you're my best friend.

Can we go now?

Sure.

Why?

This weekend, put away your watch, because
we're airing My Three Sons in extra-long episodes.

So our schedule is off the standard clock.

But who cares what time it is?

It's time for more My Three Sons, only on TV Land.