05x04 - Dublin's Fair City: Part 1

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© BF-WATCH TV 2021 I still say you should
go on the trip by yourself.

Then you'd have some money left to do some
other things you want to do.

But this is what I want most.

I'm taking you all to Ireland.

Now we'll hop a plane to Dublin and from
there we'll go over to Farnsey.

You seem to forget that you're going to have to
pay an awful lot of tax on this money you want.

And even though, as you say, we'd be the
guests of the O'Caseys in Ireland,

you'd be spending a lot of money on plane fares.

But, Steve, the money is mine and I want
to run the show this time.

I don't know how we could all go anyway, Bub.

But why not?

The kids will be out of school.

And as you say yourself, you're between assignments.

I know, Bub.

It's all settled.

Now I'll write to Mickey and tell him we're on our way.

Hey, Bub, now you can quit horsing around
with those socks and hire a tailor or something.

You know, I may just do that.



You bet.

Who's cussing Mickey?

Mickey O'Casey.

Tell me who is.

Come into the house or I'll take my stick to you.

Hey, I'm coming.

Remember?

Not a word.

Yes, I'm back.

You can just call me O'Casey, William O 'Casey.

I'm taking my family to Ireland.

That's fine, Mr. O'Casey.

Isn't it, though?

I'm an independently wealthy man.

It.

Always softens him up.

The colony is sad rock.

Tell him the French... This language never
was one of me strong, so it's weird, yes, sir.

French?

Don't you understand pure Gaelic, you Irish hillbilly?

Hey, wait a minute, Bob.

We're trying to get to a place called Farnsey.

Well, there's an excellent bus that'll take you partway
to Farnsey, and then you switch to a cab partway.

Then you ask for Tom Keenan and the hire of his
card so you won't have to spend a fortune on cab fare.

Now, you take that bus right across the street.

We're not taking any buses.

I'm a wealthy man.

Now, get in the cab there, fellas.

Get in the cab.

Get in the cab now.

Well, if you want to throw your money
around like water, I'll take your suitcases.

Look, Bob, don't you think it'd be a good
idea to check our luggage here in Dublin

until we find out what the accommodations are in Farnsey?

My cousin Mickey is going to put us up at
his own diggings, I keep telling you.

Now, if you do a good job, I'll give you a
tip that'll grow hair in your hat.

Yes, sir.

Us rich Irishmen know how to tip for good service.

A behavior center.

I'll have to put you outside.

Oh, we have company, boys.

Mary.

Kathleen.

Welcome to you.

Marlon.

I was psyched and about.

I found this in your post box.

It's from America.

You haven't said hello to your bride and Sullivan.

Hello, boys.

Ah, pour yourself some tea, dear.

I just made a fresh pot.

Thank you.

And how is your dear mother and your
sisters that are satisfied with Ireland

just the way it is and don't have any
fancy ideas about leaving the dear country

and going to foreign lands looking for a rich husband?

The family's fine.

Happily swilling the pigs and sweeping the earth and floor.

Never caring there's another world so bad.

I'm so close for the looking.

I'm a somewhat perplexed girl.

This letter is from William O'Casey and
I'm vastly certain the only William O.

'Casey we knew passed to his glory in 1927 in America.

Good morning, Mary Kathleen.

Good morning, Mickey.

Has the Porsche come, Mama?

That it has.

And who do we have in America but the name
of William O'Casey who didn't die in 1927?

Well, uh, William O'Casey is the son of me
Uncle Sean as was married to me Aunt Bridget.

The brother's child.

Little Will.

With the blonde hair falling into his eyes and the racking

cough and forever falling in
the muck with his son, the best of.

May I see the letter?

Sean's little Will.

Will.

Well, America can't be half bad.

They taught him to write.

They're coming to this house.

Why?

I don't know.

What?

When you speak up,

mumble as usual as tumbles.

Remember that.

I will.

I will.

I will.

One with.

Rich earth and rainfall and everything.

There are about 220 worms per square foot.

You don't mean it.

Wait till you see the welcome we get.

You know, there's over 300 O'Caseys live around here.

You know, it'll be interesting to find out
if we look like it.

Yeah.

Hey, Bub.

Yes?

Do I have to kiss a bunch of ladies and be polite?

Eat all the food and stuff?

Chip, I'm afraid it's me they'll be
kissing because I'm the one.

The Yanks do show up and spill the whole
thing to your mother.

I was too smart for that.

I wrote him a nice letter inviting him not to come.

Boy, it'd be disaster if she fell.

I found out I indulged in tainted money, so
I have it all in cash, hidden in me mattress.

Oh, I see Tom Keenan has got himself some tourists.

What's the matter with you, Mickey?

I'm beginning to have myself a suspicion.

I should have sent that letter airmail.

Steve,

I think the old coot with the gray hair is
my cousin Mickey.

But where's the big family welcome?

Would you by any chance be Michael O 'Casey?

That I am, sir.

I'm pleased to see you, Will.

I'm glad to see you, Mickey.

Hey, hold those, will you, Robbie?

Thank you.

Mickey, you look grand.

You look grand indeed.

Well, me boy.

I'm glad to see you.

You look wonderful, wonderful.

Let me take a good look at you, young man.

Take it.

That strikes me.

You're getting a mighty... Thin in the hair.

Well, who wants fat hair?

My name's Paddy Brophy.

Paddy, I'm glad to know you.

Hi.

Now, this is my son-in-law, Steve Douglas,
and my grandsons, Chip and Robbie and Mike.

Hi, Brophy.

Hi.

Well, I'll be on my way.

You folks will want to reminisce.

Goodbye, y'all.

Goodbye.

Bye.

So long.

Bye.

Well, fancy seeing you here again at the fence.

Well, how about us going inside and
getting a load off of it?

I take it these are your grandsons?

Yes, yes.

You just met them.

Well, I'll come visit you at the hotel.

Hotel?

What hotel?

Bob, uh... We could have endless chats about the old days.

Uh, Mr. O'Casey, we're planning on staying
at the New Aaron Hotel in Dublin.

Oh, we're not, Steve.

Bob, I think... Michael!

Send your little John's home.

It's tea time.

It's tea time.

Oh, who is that?

My mother.

Your Aunt Kate.

Aunt Kate?

Bob, if this is the same Aunt Kate you
used to tell us about, how old is she?

It couldn't be Aunt Kate.

Why, she'd be 109.



Well, I'll see you at the New Aaron, is it, huh?

I'll visit you tomorrow morning.

But that's my Aunt Kate.

I'm going to see her.

Bob, I think... Well, wait a bit, Will.

Let me go ahead and prepare her for your coming.

You're to say not.

It's about gambling or the sweepstakes.

I tell you not.

What's a not?

I don't know what I expected, but it certainly wasn't this.

Well, Bob, at 103, Aunt Kate isn't exactly
what you'd call a young woman.

He probably doesn't want to excite her.

Yeah.

Do you guys realize how much blood had to be
pumped through Aunt Kate's veins and arteries?

How much tissue replaced?

Hair grown?

Energy expended?

Fingernails replaced in 103 years?

No, but I bet it's just as interesting as the
number of worms in that field back there.

I know.

Not the body.

Rob.

How does that look now?

And I thought that my brother had passed away in 1927.

I keep telling you, Mom, it is not Uncle Sean.

It's young Will.

And they're staying at a hotel,
and I think they prefer it that way.

Well, it's not your incessant babbling, child.

Gilbride and Sullivan, we have company.

Have them in!

You can come in now.

A.

Particle.

I just didn't expect this.

I... I can't believe it.

Michael!

Will you look at him?

It's as if my brother came back from the grave.

Well, you've lost a bit of hair.

Mother, never mind that.

Now, I want you to meet Steve and the boys.

Why, you're a great giant of a man.

Mind you don't bash me door bins down now
with your tall head, young man.

I'll be coming.

And who's this?

This is my son, Mike.

Mike, that's a grand name.

See, you don't tarnish it.

Well, I'll try not to, I hate it.

And what's this one?

And this is my son, Robbie.

That sounds Scottish.

Well, the boys are half Scottish.

Well, he's got an Irish face, and that's the main thing.

How do you do that, kid?

And, uh... And now, my brother, bring out your son.

Where is young Will?

Young Will?

Oh, take that face off!

It'd be the relation from America, I'm thinking.

I'm Steve Douglas.

Your wife enjoyed the trip, did she?

Oh, I don't have a wife.

My boys and Bub, the boy's grandfather,
William O'Casey, came with me.

I was just on my way to the post office.

Now, isn't that a coincidence?

So was I.

You were?

I, uh, I must be going in the wrong direction.

Oh, no, the main post office is down that way.

Oh, right.

My name is Mary Kathleen Connolly.

Oh, how do you do?

I'm not married either.

Well, you're not.

Have you seen all of the countryside?

Barnsey, for instance?

Well, no, I haven't.

You see, we just, uh... We could go to the post office.

We could go to the post office together
and see a good deal along the way.

Yes, I suppose we could.

Oh, come along, then.

I'll be your guide.

Oh, thank you.

Well, the O'Caseys are scattered, son.

Hey, I, um...

I'd be happy to hear you say nought about the,
uh... you-know-what involving the money we acquired.

Well, I haven't seen anybody around to tell.

It's me poor old mother I worry about.

It would be a shock.

Hey, Bob, is it okay if me, Mike,
and Robbie go down the stream we found?

Hunt for pollywogs and stuff?

Sure.

And mind you don't fall in the muck, young will.

Yes, ma'am.

How many times have I told you not to scatter your
shavings here where Gilbride and Sullivan will come at them?

Now go to your room.

No, I'm not a child.

Get in there!

I'm out of your way!

I'm out of your way!

That's telling a man, Kate.

Oh, do you sit there and laugh at me,
child, when you're as guilty as he is?

Huh?

Now you do the same, young sir.

Go to your room.

Now wait a minute.

Let's get two or three of these things straight.

Let me out of here!

This is stupid.

I'm no kid.

Let me out of here!

Let me...

Aunt Kate.

Then the poor man must be disappointed.

Yes, I'm afraid he was.

I guess he was really expecting quite a
welcome from all his relatives.

Every third person in this vicinity is an O'Casey.

I can't understand.

Paddy?

Paddy O'Casey, come here if you will.

Good day, Mary.

Good day, Kathleen.

Good day to you.

Paddy O'Casey, Stephen Douglas.

That's a pleasure, sir.

Really?

Yes, indeed, sir.

I was thinking, Paddy, did you not know that
Will O'Casey was stopping out at the Fens?

Young Will from America?

The same.

Well, think of that now.

I was wondering just the other day...

James!

James O'Casey!

Wait up a bit!

What's going on in there?

O'Casey's so a-hoolie, it's a-hoolie.

A-hoolie, huh?

He had the mules.

Young Will has struck a goldmine at the sweepstakes.

Who's in there?

And Mickey's in for part of the jackpot.

I'd have known I had relatives like you,
Colleagues, over here.

I'd have been back years ago.

If I'd have had the money.

Yes, ma'am.

I'm parted.

Aye, that it is.

Have you noticed how young Will is
throwing money around like water?

Aye, that he is.

What's this I hear about young Will and the sweepstakes?

He did a terrible thing.

He went and he gambled.

Gambling is the devil's wedge.

I'm with you.

I'm dead set against gambling.

Taking hard-earned money and losing it.

Right.

However, if you recall, you've never heard
me say a word against winning it.

You mean, it's all right to gamble as long as you win?

I won almost 5,000 quid.

The same it will.

Michael, set it down here tomorrow and
we'll count it together.

Party.

Compared to your fine American ways.

Our music and dancing is a little
different, but the idea is still the same.

Perhaps one day we can go to a party in America.

Then we can compare.

As you probably guessed, that wasn't the end of our story.

See our next exciting episode.

Even go to your room.

Bribery will not save you.

Will Aunt Kate send me to bed without my supper?

Ha-ha, Mary Kathleen, how are you two?

Will I get the beer off my coat?

Welcome or no welcome, I'm not going to stand out
there while the breeze whistles Makushka through my flowers.

Will Bub find his pants?

This weekend, put away your watch.

Because we're airing My Three Sons in Exit.

Extra long episodes, so our schedule is
off the standard clock.

But who cares what time it is?

It's time for more My Three Sons, only on TV Land.