11x08 - Arthur, Arthur

[bunniefuu]

Monday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Tuesday, Friday, happy days.

The weekend comes, my cycle hums, ready to race to you.

These days are ours, happy and free.

These days are ours, share them with me.

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

You're so right, it can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

Monday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Tuesday, Friday, happy days.

Saturday, happy days.

What a day, proving I'll meet with you.

These days are ours, share them with me.

These days are ours, happy and free.

These happy days are yours and mine.

These happy days are yours and mine.

Happy days.

Well, Howard, we've got someone else's groceries.

So that's why the...

The bad boy was chasing our car.

I thought he wanted a tip.

Do not be alarmed, but some guy just followed me home.

What?

Is he wearing a supermarket apron?

No, he's wearing a three-piece suit, coat, pants, tie.

I'll tell you something, I think he's a salesman.

You want me to get rid of him, Fonz?

I've had a lot of experience with salesmen
down at the store.

I think it's time to handle this in a...

business-like fashion, huh?

Yo!

Are you Arthur Fonzarelli?

No!

Oh, come on, Fonz, there's probably some
kid working his way through college.

Yeah, then he should study about how to take a hint.

All right, listen, I'm your guy, huh?

Make it fast, make it sweet, make it oval.

Now, look, I came all the way from San
Francisco just to find you.

I have something really important to tell
you that's gonna change your life.

Hey, I'm dancing.

Listen, I'm pins and needles, huh?

What do you got to tell me that's gonna change my life?

I'm your brother.

Arthur, I didn't know that you had a brother.

You know why, Mr. C?

Because I don't.

Don't you know what that is?

That's the old I'm your brother, give me some money scam.

Now, look, Arthur, I know this whole thing sounds
crazy, but if I could just talk to you for a few minutes.

Hey, you could talk till you're blue under the collar, pal.

I do not have a brother.

Yes, you have.

You see, your father... Hey, I don't
want to hear that word in this house.

Okay, all right, all right.

Vito Fonzie... I don't want to hear that name either.

Okay, okay, uh, the man who was married to
your mother when you were born.

All right, I'll accept that.

You see, now, when that man left Milwaukee, he moved to
San Francisco where he married my mother and had a son, me.

Arthur!

There was a resemblance.

If you stand back a little bit and squint
your eyes and tip your head a little bit.

...

This is so exciting.

I got to get a picture of you two and send it to Richie.

This will make up for burning his baseball card.

Oh, that's what we'll get, a picture of
these two wonderful faces.

Will you please call it, Mrs. C?

Anybody could walk in here and claim to be my brother.

Yeah, but I have proof.

My driver's license.

Hey, false ID, huh?

I used to make this stuff.

What do you think of this garbage?

Looks real to me.

What do you know?

Look, I have other proof.

Uh, the Fonzarelli... Fonzarelli Crest,
a falcon flying over a field of oregano?

Common knowledge.

Hey, I'd love to chit-chat, but I got more
important things to do.

I think I'll go upstairs and measure my sideburns.

Sleep now, little baby, warm through the night.

May sweet dreams caress you till morning's first light.

Your strong little muscles must fight the good fight.

So sleep, Fonzarelli.

Sleep well through the night.

Only a Fonzarelli would know that.

Oh, my goodness.

What do I got here?

I got my brother here.

This is my brother.

Oh, my God!

And.

The walk!

I got a brother!

Can you dig it?

I got a brother!

Look at this!

What do you think this is here?

This is my brother!

I got a brother!

Hey, how are you?

Nice to see you.

We got so much catching up to do.

When am I going to start?

You want to be alone?

No, I want to be with my brother.

Hold it.

What's my brother's name?

Arthur.

Why?

That's my name.

Are we twins?

They call me Artie.

They call him Artie.

Artie.

We're going to be the Fonzarelli brothers, I'm telling you.

We're going to be like this.

Okay.

On the count of three.

Ready?

Yeah.

One, two.

Hold it.

Three.

So, Artie, what do you do?

Oh, I'm a pre-med student.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I want to be a coroner.

Oh.

You're going to be a coroner?

Yeah, I like to work with people.

Has he got a sense of humor or what?

Oh, what?

So, what do you guys got planned for the night?

Oh, I thought we'd buzz around the town
with the Lovejoy sisters.

The Lovejoy sisters?

Yeah.

I better make you guys something to eat.

You're going to need all the energy you can get.

I'll see you in a minute.

Yeah.

Hey, Fonz, what did he mean?

What does he mean?

He means that, well, they're very, very enthusiastic.

Hi, Fonz.

I hope you aren't late.

No, you're not late.

You gave me more time to spend with my brother.

Oh.

Hey, listen, Artie, I want you to meet Marlene.

Marlene and Darlene.

It's nice to meet you.

Hi.

Hi.

Wow.

Are we really the first to go out with the
Fonzarelli brothers?

Yeah, yeah, you'll get your commemorative plaques later.

Thank God I'm a twin.

So, Artie, what do you do for fun?

I breed tropical fish.

Yeah?

How do you keep them steady?

All right.

Here you go.

Here you go for Arnold Burgers.

Whoa, all right.

All right, ladies.

Listen, if you guys aren't back in a week,
I'm calling the police.

Take the plate.

Mind if I trade this in for a salad?

I'm a vegetarian.

You don't eat meat?

Some people, the ingestion of meat can cause
fatty deposits to form in the arteries, creating pustules.

Yeah, one day you're reading the paper,
and the next day you're in it.

Oh, the things he knows.

Excuse us.

Yes, but we have to go freshen up.

No, I don't have to go freshen up.

We're twins.

If I do, you do.

You see that?

She is so excited to be with you, she couldn't even eat.

Yeah, right.

Listen, there's something I really need to tell you.

Hey, we're brothers.

You could tell me anything.

Well, it's about our father.

I'd rather hear about pustules again, all right?

What are you talking about?

What am I talking about?

Any man that runs out on his family is not deserved.

He's not deserved to be called father, you understand that?

He might be yours, but he ain't my father.

Oh, Fonz.

Hey, look, we're Fonzarelli brothers.

We're going to have fun tonight, okay?

Okay.

Look, this is all very nice, but these
girls are not my type.

Fonzie's my date.

I'm Marlene.

Prove it.

Oh, listen, uh, girls, girls, girls.

My brother's got a little jet lag,
so tomorrow night I'll take you both out.

You.

I hope you don't mind me breaking off the date.

No, no, no, no, that's okay.

I mean, there are plenty of other things we could do, huh?

I'll get you a bike and we'll jump the Eagle River.

No, I don't do that, but, uh, you like foreign movies?

Yeah, Godzilla.

Yeah.

I didn't mean that.

You didn't mean that.

I got a great idea.

We could go up to my apartment and toss a salad.

Great, great.

What are you going to eat?

I thought maybe I would fry up some tropical fish.

What the hell are you doing?

Hi, Mr. C.

Couldn't sleep?

No, but that's all right.

I always have trouble sleeping when the house is shaking.

Yeah?

I had to make myself a milkshake and,
oh, look at this, I made too much.

Well, why don't you take a glass up to your brother, Artie?

No, he don't, he don't eat sugar.

I guess I'll just have to dump it.

No, no, no, no, no, don't, don't waste good food.

I mean, that's so...

Oh, that's delicious.

Yeah, too bad it's k*lling us.

k*lling us?

Yeah, Artie says most of the things we
ingest are sending us to an early grave.

Oh, that.

So, you two hitting it off, huh?

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Hey, I tell you, our relationship, it's just, uh...

great.

Good, good.

I was afraid it might be a little off.

Awkward for you two at first.

Oh, no, how could it be awkward?

The Fonzarelli brothers, I mean, we're just like, um...

I'll tell you something, Mr. C.

I discovered something very interesting about my brother.

What's that?

I hate him.

Fonzie, how can you hate him?

You don't even know him.

You don't understand, Mr. C.

Look, all my life, all I wanted was a brother, right?

I mean, somebody to tag along behind me going to school.

Someone to teach the facts of life to.

Someone to teach ball to.

Someone to have pillow fights with.

Then all of a sudden, one day, whammo,
right out of the blue, I get a brother.

And it turns out to be this guy.

I'm telling you, Mr. C., Artie and me,
we're just two different people.

And that's a reason to hate him?

No, no, no, you're right, you're right, you win.

I don't hate him.

It's worse, Mr. C.

I have no feelings for this guy at all.

Oh, I'm sorry to disturb you, Mr. Cunningham.

I was looking for Fonzie.

Oh, it's all right, come on in.

Fonzie and I were just having a health check.

Well, I, uh, I think I'll go up and take my vitamins.

Fonzie, be a man, talk to him.

Have a pillow fight, anything.

Good night.

So, what are you doing up so late?

I didn't think it was good for your health.

Taking the 5 A.M.

flight back to the coast.

And you're leaving now?

Yeah, well, you know me, I like to get there
early to get a seat next to the emergency exit.

Of course, you can never be too careful, huh?

Well, the least I could do is drive you to the airport.

It's okay, Fonz, I called a cab.

Yeah, sure, you think of everything.

Well, Artie, listen.

Listen, this has been like a thrill, you know.

We gotta do this again before the next 25 years is up.

Is there something else?

Fonzie, why do you think I came here?

I don't know.

Maybe to find your long-lost brother.

Yeah, well, that wasn't the only reason.

I've been trying to tell you something very important,
but you don't want to hear anything about our father.

Hey, that's right.

Case is closed.

I don't want to hear anything about your father.

Well, you're gonna have to.

Yeah, well, let me tell you something.

In my book, the man is dead.

He is.

He is.

What?

He died two weeks ago.

I thought you should know.

Hey.

How are you taking it?

I'm okay.

I wanted you to have this watch.

What do I need a watch for?

I always know what time it is.

Well, you sure you don't want to miss that cab, pal.

All right.

All right, Fonz.

Goodbye.

Yeah.

Hey, do me a favor.

On the way out, shut the door.

Hi, Mr. C.

What?

Fonz, it's you.

Yeah, well, who'd you expect?

I didn't expect anybody.

What are you doing here?

Howard?

Are you okay?

Oh, it's all right, Marion.

Fonzie's just got a little problem.

In our bathroom?

Marion, I'm working it out.

Now, go on back to bed before you wake up Joanie.

Thanks, Dad.

What's going on in there?

I didn't mean to make this.

See, I wanted to talk to one of you Cs,
and I figured I didn't want to wake you

up, so I would stand in here, see, and
then eventually one of you would come in.

But it's no big deal.

I'll probably go back to bed.

No, no, no, no, no.

Just wait a minute.

We're all here together now, so what is it?

Yeah.

It's no big deal.

It's not important, you know.

I mean, Artie's father died.

Oh, Fonz, that's terrible.

Is he okay?

Joanie, he died.

It couldn't be worse.

Um, I meant Artie.

Yeah, Artie, he seems to be taking it, you know, good.

Oh, Arthur, Arthur.

Well, he's your father, too.

Are you all right?

You know, people come and go.

Well, Fonzie, you must have some feelings about this.

Yeah, I got feelings already.

I got a bucket full of feelings.

I'd like to punch the guy right in the mouth.

But I can't, because the jerk up and died.

It's just that, you know, while he was
alive, I thought maybe, you know,

I could get some things done, you know, like...

Like what?

Like I don't know what.

Maybe make up.

Maybe beat the hell out of each other.

Maybe go to the movies, have a pizza.

I didn't even know the guy.

I mean, I wanted to know, was he a louse
to everybody or just the family?

Did he believe in God?

Did he go to the ball game?

Did he like chocolate or vanilla?

Why did he walk out on me?

I just figured that, you know, while he was alive, I could
know the answer to some of these questions, that's all.

And now I can't know anything.

Oh, Arthur.

I'm so sorry.

You know, Fonzie, there is a person who can
give you some of the answers about your father.

Who?

Your brother.

I've got nothing in common with him.

You have now.

Fonzie, what are you doing here?

There's something I've got to know.

So let's get right to it, all right?

How'd he die?

I thought you didn't want to talk about it.

I won't talk.

You talk.

He was on a ship when a storm hit.

Apparently some rigging came loose and
knocked him overboard.

They didn't discover he was gone for several hours.

Isn't that typical?

He left without telling anybody.

Fonz, you shouldn't hate our father.

He was our father.

Hey, he was your father, not mine.

Hey, look, I know how you feel.

How do you know how I feel?

I only saw him a couple of times a year myself.

He was at sea ten months out of the year.

You know that when I was a little kid
playing little league, all the other kids,

when they'd get up to bat, they'd look up
in the stands and see their fathers.

I'd get up to bat, look up in the stands.

He was never there.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I remember when I was eight.

I paid this bum a quarter to take me to a
father and son picnic.

The creep ate my sandwich.

Yeah, well, but from that, I learned how to
be on my own and not to depend on anybody.

I know that.

I learned that.

That's me.

Look, if it's any consolation to you,
I know for a fact you meant a lot to him.

Yeah, I must have meant a lot to him.

He was really devoted.

You know, in 20 years, he brought me one kimono,
and when he brought it to me, he didn't even know the...

He didn't even have the guts to tell me who he was.

That kimono was a big deal to him.

Yeah, right.

He agonized over it.

Should he mail it to you?

Should he bring it himself?

He didn't tell you who he was because
you'd made a life for yourself here,

and he didn't feel like he was any part of it.

He didn't feel like he was any part of it.

He was my father.

That's right, Fonz.

He was my father.

And he wanted you to have this.

Actually, he left me better than a watch, didn't he?

He left me a brother.

Final call for flight 452.

All passengers holding tickets should be on board.

Listen, uh, Artie, you're gonna stay in touch, huh?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, sure.

All right.

I see.

All right.

How are you doing Christmas?

Oh, I thought maybe I'd trim a tree with my brother.

First son to Arthur.

I may have left your life, but you never left my heart.

Love, Papa.

Oh.

Whoa.

My father left it to me.

That's nice.

Beautiful.

Solid, genuine brass.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Look at that.

Look at that, baby.

Isn't that nice?

Yeah.

Oh, listen, Fonz, I'd love to,
uh, sit and admire it all afternoon,

but it's, uh, ten minutes after three and
I have a class to make.

Don't rush yourself.

The watch here says three O'clock straight off, huh?

You got time.

Hey, this box.

This watch.

This, this watch is broken.

Sorry, Fonz.

No, no, no, no.

It's all right.

The watch is unreliable and it's always my fault.

Fonz, give it to me.

I'll, I'll get it fixed for you.

No.

I want to remember him just the way he was.

Let's see.

All right.

Bye, Fonz.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

These happy days are going to be These are
such happy days Goodbye gray sky,

hello blue There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you It feels so right,

I can't be wrong Rockin' in a room,
oh, it's gone These days are ours Share

them with me These days are ours Happy and
free These happy days are going to be.

These happy days are yours and mine These
happy days are yours and mine Happy days.