10x20 - Babysitting

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

I'll tell you something, Heather.

I cannot wait for this weekend.

We're going to have so much fun.

We're going to have more fun than the
three stooges going to the Vatican, you know?

Oh, my cheek.

My cheek.

Wait.

Yo.

Oh, I think I'm ready to go.

Do I look all right?

Mommy, you look beautiful.

You look better than beautiful.

Your face should be on money.

Oh, I don't know if I should go to this tax seminar.

Come on, come on, come on.

Of course you should go.

You've been looking forward to this for weeks.

And besides, your taxes get written on.

Written off.

Yeah, right.

What would I?

Oh, but Fonzie, I've never left Heather
alone like this before, and you've never

taken care of her more than two hours at a time.

I mean, are you sure it's not
going to be... What is the big deal?

We will watch television, eat some burgers,
we'll catch some seas, and I'll give her a crew cut.

What?

Just joking.

Just joking.

Thank goodness.

All right, now, just in case you get into trouble, I've
jotted down a little list of things that you should know.

It's very important, and you have this, all right?

A little list?

This is longer than the Constitution,
and they ran a country on that.

Oh, okay.

All right, when Heather goes to sleep,
a bedroom window should be left open no

less than six inches, not more than ten
inches, or she might freeze by morning.

There is a ruler in the kitchen.

Right, it's on the third drawer on the left.

Yeah, right, I can read the map on it.

Mommy, don't leave me.

Oh, sweetheart, I would never leave you.

Oh, what can I do to make this up to you?

You can let me stay home from school until I'm 20.

Heather!

Oh, and it's not nice to tease your mother
when she's leaving her baby for the first time.

Hey, sweetheart, come on, let's get a
move on or you're going to be late, huh?

Oh, I think I forgot to leave instructions
on how to wash Heather's hair.

No, sweetheart, hold it, hold it, hold it.

It's right here under H for hair, and then
you cross-reference it under S for shampoo.

Oh, I'm going to miss you.

I love you.

Me too, I'm going to miss you.

Bye, sweetheart.

Take good care of yourself.

I love you.

Okay, have a good trip.

Okay.

Oh.

No, no, no, ohs.

Just go.

I love you.

Have a great time.

Okay, love you, too.

Bye, love you, too.

All right, be careful.

Be careful and worry.

Oh, parents always worry so much about
taking care of little kids, you know.

Well, what are we going to do now?

No TV before dinner and homework.

Do your homework?

Yes, I did.

All right.

Eat green vegetables with every meal.

Make sure she chews this.

What is this?

I was a kid, too, huh?

What do you say we spoil dinner, get some ice cream?

Yeah.

Come on.

We're off to ice cream.

Howard?

Hmm?

Are you sure you don't want to go to my mother's with me?

I'd rather wear cactus shorts.

What'd you say, dear?

Oh, I just said, sweetheart, I think it would be nice for
you and your mother to spend some time together alone.

Always.

Well, listen, dear, I have to hurry.

Mother's expecting me for dinner.

She's probably been slaving over a hot cauldron all day.

It was just a joke, Marion.

I'm.

Surprised I just stepped outside the door
and then... Oh, Joanie, you're sick, you're sick.

I thought you guys were on tour with a band in Canada.

Well, we were.

That's where I got the Canadian flu.

Yeah, hit her last night right in the
middle of our second set.

Right in the middle of my big number, can you believe that?

I mean, one minute the girls in the
audience were fainting, right?

Next minute, boom, she's fainting.

Okay.

Okay, well, my mother is just going to have to wait.

Come on, Joanie, we're going to get your
bed ready, and I'll get a nice cold wash

rag and a heating pad, and then when you
start to feel better, we'll make some sock puppets.

Sock puppets?

Hey, Uncle Howard.

I want to tell you something.

Is this great or what?

Get your coat flipped.

Get his coat.

Yo, that's right.

We got a big screen TV down in Arnold's so
we can watch that fight, man.

Mommy says boxing is a crude sport.

Yes, that's why you're staying here with Mrs.
C while we go and watch Clay whoop that bat.

All right.

Whoop him.

Oh, forget it.

Fonz, listen, there's a lock on the fight.

Look, Flip, don't be crazy, all right?

Not only is Cassius Clay a better boxer,
but he's a great poet.

Kind of like Longfellow.

Who do you fight?

Look, fellas, I wish I could join you,
but Joanie and Chachi are here.

Why didn't you tell me?

I'm going upstairs to say hello.

Fonzie, she's got the flu.

Well, okay, you go up and tell them that I say hello.

Well, I can't leave, and I don't think
Heather should stay here.

I don't want her to catch you.

You're right.

Oh, well, listen, hey, it's a shame that you
won't be able to get down and see the fight with us.

Yeah, we're going to miss you down in Arnold.

It's supposed to be the fight of the century.

Oh, come on, man, are you kidding?

Pumpkin and I are going to have a great time anyway.

Sure, we can have a tea party.

But don't spread that around, because we
don't want everybody to want to come.

You know what I mean?

Right.

All right, say goodnight.

Goodnight.

Bye.

Hey, was that a great dinner or what?

The secret is out.

I am Chef Boyardee.

Well, do you want me to help you do the dishes?

Why, don't we still have some clean ones in there?

We have our tea party now.

Yeah, sure, as soon as you brush your pearly whites.

Let's go.

Hurry up.

Good evening, fight fans.

Yeah, well, good evening right back to you.

Well, it's a beautiful night here in Miami.

As Cash's play continues to pound around the ring.

What are you doing?

I'm just waiting for the tea to purr.

This won't...

That bold stare can only mean one thing.

I hope so.

Fonzie?

Yeah?

You sit next to Jane and Betsy.

Yeah.

Fonzie?

Yeah, yeah, who are they?

Meet Jane and Betsy.

Hello, Betsy.

How are you?

Watch out for Betsy.

Betsy Wets.

No kidding.

Well, I'm sorry.

Let me tell you something, Betsy.

I cannot wait to have tea and trumpets with you.

Yes, you look very pretty.

Very pretty.

They say thank you very much.

Well, you're welcome.

Very, very much.

Now, you two better be on your best behavior, okay?

Here you go, sir.

Oh, hey, thanks.

Whoa.

But my lip's too hot.

I haven't put the tea yet.

I knew that.

Please, just a minute.

Just half a cup I'm trying to cut down.

And this is it, sports fans.

Fifteen rounds for the heavyweight
championship of the world.

All right, all right.

One dump or two?

Confusion.

Yeah, that's good.

Get out of that corner.

Shuffle, shuffle, you.

Fonzie, one dump or two?

Confusion.

That's it.

You're left, you're left.

Come on, Cassius.

Come on, Cassius.

You're a poet.

Yeah, yeah, Roger said so.

Come on, who?

I guess he doesn't want to play with us.

All right, yes, all right, a little less
float, a little more stinging, all right?

Whoa, whoa, oh, that hurt, oh, oh, all right.

Boom, boom, boom, yo, hello.

What is this?

Four guys in a ring.

I'll tell you, we really got something going on.

Suck it to me.

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Well, how about it, sweetheart?

Would you like a nice, fluffy pillow?

No, no, thanks.

I got it.

Some orange juice.

It'll give you a nice shot of vitamin C, huh?

Oh, that's good.

Yeah?

All right.

I'll get it.

I asked her first.

I knew her first.

I used to change her diapers.

Yeah?

Polite?

She changes her own diapers now.

Okay, okay, okay.

Scratch the orange juice.

I don't have the stomach for it anyway.

Oh, my poor baby.

Here, let me see this.

Oh, my.

How do you read those things?

Chachi, you go on upstairs and get some
aspirin for Joanie, huh?

Why don't you go?

You knew her first.

The aspirin, Chachi.

Goodness, your temperature.

Is it high?

It's 98.6.

That's normal.

Oh, Dad, you don't have to have a fever to be sick.

You don't have to be sick to come home, either.

Now, come on, sweetheart.

Is something bothering you?

No, no, Dad.

It's just that being on the road wears you down.

I'm tired.

I just need to rest.

That's all.

Okay.

You just stay here as long as you want.

Thanks, Dad.

Hey, I found the aspirin, Mr. C.

It was right between the cough syrup and
your Grecian formula.

It's a joke.

It's one very bad joke.

Big-time musician.

I'll bet you Victor Moan wouldn't talk to me like that.

All right, Joanie, here you go.

Thanks.

A little aspirin.

And good night's sleep.

We'll be back on the road in no time flat.

Chachi, I'm home.

I'm sick.

Can't you just let me enjoy it?

Enjoy it?

Enjoy what?

Joanie, don't you want to get back to those packed
auditoriums with those people screaming for more, huh?

Don't you want to?

Chachi, I don't think playing for a camp full of
pig farmers and moose jaw were exactly squealing.

Oh, please, Joanie.

Come on, they love you.

I mean, after your solo, what'd they do, huh?

They gave you a standing ovation.

That's because my halter top fell off.

Now, that was strictly a coincidence.

Hi, there's Jenny.

Hi, good morning.

Oh, don't come too close unless you want the Canadian flu.

No, we really don't.

We really don't, but hi anyway.

Good to see you.

Chachi, are you sick?

No way.

Oh, goody.

Jenny.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, listen, I'm sorry about turning the
house into a hospital zone.

Oh, don't worry about it.

I've been having a ball at Jenny's.

We've been cramming for our finals.

Yeah, they're elemented.

Well, now it's time to help the Tuesdays.

If you're sick ones here, we will start
with Chachi's SpongeBob.

He's not sick, remember?

Oh, well, this is preventative medicine, dear.

I see.

Well, an offer like that could stop an epidemic.

Well, enough talk about health, then.

We'll talk about show business.

Yes, we want to hear all about the
glamorous life under the lights.

Show business?

Is that all anyone ever talks about?

Well, what's with her?

That's, uh, fever talking.

I hope.

Oh, Heather, it's breakfast time.

I thought I asked you to get dressed before breakfast.

I am dressed.

This is what I'm wearing today.

Yeah, okay.

Listen, after breakfast, I'll help you get
into a snappy outfit, all right?

Um, I don't want breakfast.

Oh, sure you do.

How about, uh, eggs and bacon?

Um, I don't like bacon.

All right, how about eggs?

Yuck.

We'll go with cereal.

I'd rather have bacon.

We'll go with cereal.

We'll go with cereal.

We better clean this all up here, because you
don't want your mother to see this mess, huh?

Come on.

Okay.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

I'm making more room for my toys.

Yeah, well, miss, would you please come to the table?

Right now.

Come on.

Get up there.

All right.

I don't like that kind of cereal.

Yes, you do.

It's just right here in the package.

Kids love this, three to six.

I wish I were seven.

Yeah, thanks very much.

That's very nice.

Come on.

Eat your cereal.

I mean, how are you going to get the prize
at the bottom of the box?

That's how.

Hold it.

Right back here, miss.

Right back in your chair.

Now, you're going to eat this cereal, and you're
going to clean up the mess that we made, all right?

You're not my mother, and you can't tell me what to do.

Oh, I get it.

I get it.

I see.

It's test the old babysitter time, huh?

Well, let me tell you, I've been there, honey.

I have been there and back.

I used to throw around my cereal, and I
wouldn't get dressed, but you know what I did?

I went further.

I locked myself in the bedroom.

Ha-ha.

How about that?

Good one, Fonz.

I can't do this.

All right, Heather, get out here or else.

Or else what?

I don't know what else.

That's what parents say.

All right, here's another one.

I'm going to count to three, honey.

One, two, Heather.

Heather, sweetheart, are you in there?

No.

Okay, you made your point.

I got a great idea.

You come out here, we'll be friends.

We'll go get ice cream.

I'm never getting ice cream for the rest of my life.

Is that true?

Yes.

All right, here it is.

Locked drawer, locked in the bedroom.

Okay.

Okay.

If you want to stay in there, go ahead.

I got better things to do than talk to a door.

See you around.

Open the door.

Slam the door.

Mommy does that all the time.

Who's there?

I'll get it, I'll get it.

Yeah?

Hello, there's a Heather liver here.

Yeah, she does.

What do you want it for?

I think she want a pony.

Are you telling me the truth?

Do you want the pony or not?

No, I don't think so.

Thanks very much for coming up here, though.

Yes, I do.

Put me down.

Put me down.

Hey, let me tell you something.

I will put you down if you tell me why you
turned from Shirley Temple to Attila the Hun.

Because you lied to me.

All right, time out here.

I do not lie.

I never, ever lie.

Oh, yeah?

What about the pony?

The pony?

That was no lie.

That was a trick.

It's a very good one because you're out here, ain't you?

What about the tea party?

You promised you would come.

I was there.

It was just me, Jane, and Betsy.

Who wets?

Who wets?

We're more interested in that dumb fight.

Oh, now, let's get a grip on ourselves.

That was not a dumb fight.

That was the championship, world championship, hon.

You're not interested in one word I'm saying here, are you?

All right, uh, come here.

Why don't we just step right into my office?

Yeah.

Do you know what I learned?

Being a mom ain't easy, and your mother's
very good at it, and I'm not.

No secret here.

Uh, remember when you were learning how to
ride a bike, and in the very beginning you

used to fall off your bike and everything, and you
would scratch your elbows, scratch your knees, you know?

Yeah, and my tushy, too.

The cutest tushy this side of the pit
coast, I gotta tell you.

Taking care of a little girl is like
riding a bike for me, see?

Yeah.

Yeah, and I'm falling off right now, and
I'm scratching up my tushy, I gotta tell you.

But I figure if you give me a little bit
of time, I will be able to do wheelies.

So, what do you say?

Thank you, miss.

One lump or two.

Ah-ah, you cannot fool me, I know you did not pour it yet.

Oh, just half a cup, please, because I'm
trying to cut down.

It's a lovely day, isn't it?

Oh, Mrs. C, I owe you such a big one for this.

Well, I thought you might need a hand.

Yes, and you did wonderful things with these.

Oh, Arthur.

You know, I'm just so amazed.

How do you know everything?

How do you get stains off walls, gum out of hair?

Is all the gum out of mine?

It's just fine, fine.

Oh, thanks, Lott.

You know, usually everything comes so easy to me, you know.

But I got to admit, that little girl had
me on the mat this weekend.

Oh, Arthur.

Arthur, learning to deal with children
just comes from experience.

See, first I raised Howard, and then I was
ready for Richie and Joanie.

All that you need is that love is there,
and then they'll be okay.

Yeah.

Children are very resilient.

Yeah?

Sure, you know, my mother has always
been sort of strange, but it didn't affect me at all.

You are a great lady!

Well, how do I look?

Well, you look good enough to take a bite
out of it, which I think I will do.

Hi, Mom!

Yay!

Hi, darling.

Oh, I missed you.

We missed you.

Is everything all right here?

Hey, there was no problem, huh, Heather?

It was a piece of cake.

Oh, I honestly expected to come home and
find this place a disaster, but this is...

Oh, Fonzie.

You even got the water stain out of the coffee table.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's a mixture of mayonnaise and
ashy syrup for hours, you know.

Oh, you are incredible.

Oh, yes, I am.

Oh, sweetheart.

You look so wonderful, so healthy.

Fonzie fed me good.

Yeah.

And you dress beautifully.

Fonzie picked out my clothes.

Yeah.

And the house is absolutely spotless.

Mrs. C cleaned it up.

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The girls, the girls, the girls.

The girls.

The big guys.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Together, speed up the change.

Yes.

Hey, Dad.

Next time you want to play a stacking game
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Nothing stacks up to Jenga.

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Joanie!

Come on!

What's with the long face?

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

All right.

Chachi's right, you know, you look a little tired.

Well, I didn't get much sleep last night.

Oh, Howard, she's having a relapse.

Give me your socks.

No.

Mom, it wasn't the flu that kept me up.

Hey, Joanie, where's your suitcase?

I can't find it.

I didn't pack them.

Why not?

Chachi, believe me.

This wasn't an easy decision to make.

But I think this is the right one for me.

I'm quitting the band.

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

There's nothing that can hold me when I hold you.

It feels so right, it can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

These days are ours.

Happy and green.

Oh, happy days.

These days are ours.

These happy days are yours and mine.

These happy days are ours.

Next up, I Dream of Jeannie.

Happy days.