10x05 - A Little Case of Revenge

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Arthur, hurry up, you don't want to be
late for the banquet.

Now, say cheese.

Cheese.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Mommy, Fonzie looks funny.

Hey, Fonzie, hey, Fonzie, I'm changing.

I want that negative.

Fonzie, come back here.

No, no, Heather was just saying that because
of the, uh, the funny faces you're making.

Yeah?

No, no, just relax, okay?

Huh?

Oh, you are a knockout.

You think so?

Mm-hmm.

You don't think I look too much like, uh, Ward Cleaver?

Oh, no, Arthur, you are, you are just, oh, you're dashing.

Oh, Howard's tie looks great.

Oh, isn't life, oh, just, it's fulfilling.

You think that my Arthur, our Arthur,
is receiving a good citizenship award.

You know, for years, the best we hoped for
was time off for good behavior.

Yeah, well, I'm going now.

Perfect.

See ya.

You think I should just go over my speech one more time?

No, no, no, no, no, really, it's just fine.

Yeah, I don't want to be too over-rehearsed, right?

Because, uh, it's... It should be simultaneous.

Fonzie.

Yeah.

Wait a minute.

Bend down.

Yeah?

Fonzie.

Ha.

Go get him.

Thank you very much there, bunny.

Face.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Have fun.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Maybe I should just do the last part of my speech.

No, no, no.

It's great.

Just great.

Go on.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

If I hear that speech one more time, I'll lose my cookies.

So the mayor says, now that I can afford my
own lunch, everyone wants to throw one for me.

But seriously, though, now it is time for us to
pay tribute to the man we're honoring tonight.

And it's been a pleasure.

I might add a personal pleasure to see
this young man develop into a civic leader.

Gentlemen, I give you this year's recipient of the Chamber
of Commerce Good Citizenship Award, Mr. Arthur Fonzarelli.

I am tickled pink.

I love awards.

And I couldn't have done this without myself.

Every Cisco's got his poncho and I would
like you very much now to meet...

my poncho.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Howard Cunningham.

You know, I'm amazed, I'm about to be
bald, I'm bald just like you, for the first time.

A few years ago, who would have thought that I would
have been here, an honoree at a civic bash, you know?

But I'm very glad, and I will do my
responsibilities, and I thank you very

much for letting me, like, you know, set an example.

Allowing you to set an example?

No, hold it, no way, uh-uh, this is ridiculous.

Gentlemen, this man you are honoring is
a barbarian, a ruffian, an imposter, and a.

...

and a barbarian, ruffian, and a punk, yeah!

And you are a dead man.

No, no, no!

Fonzie, you can't beat up someone two minutes
after you've just received a good citizenship award.

Yeah, what's the rule on that?

How long do I have to wait?

You, uh, you don't remember me, do you?

No.

Dwayne Twitchell?

No.

Third grade?

No.

Gentlemen, let me tell you a little
something about your honoree.

This man made me the pathetic object of
pity and ruined my self-image for life.

He pushed me off a swing and hurt me really, really bad.

Wait a minute here, pal.

We're talking ancient history, right?

I mean, if I offended you, then I really
apologize in front of multitudes, okay?

There, you see?

Now the man apologized.

So you've either got to leave or join the
Chamber of Commerce.

No way, Jack.

Seventeen years ago, I vowed I'd get back at you.

Well, now I'm ready and you're going to pay.

It took you 17 years.

Okay, so I'm a careful planner.

At that time, I've spent every second,
every minute, every hour of the day honing

my body into a finely tuned instrument of destruction.

So what happened?

All right, that's it.

Midnight.

Tonight, Franklin Avenue Park next to the
very same swing you pushed me off of.

Just a h*-h*.

Fonzie is a lover.

He's not a fighter.

And also, he's not a good public speaker.

Thank you, Arnold.

That's right, I ain't going to fight you.

It ain't civic.

I'm a gentleman.

See this?

I tied it myself.

You, civic leader?

That's right.

I spit on you and your trophy.

I'll see you.

No, no, no, no, no.

Not here, not now.

Not while you're wearing my good tie.

I'll see you tonight.

Happy.

Plate.

Yep.

And this happy plate made a happy tummy.

And right now, I need a kiss.

And I need a kiss.

Yeah.

Because I got to go down to the garage.

Oh, no, you're not.

Mom said you're going to the park to beat
up the guy who spit on your trophy.

Oh, great.

You told her, huh?

Well, it's true, isn't it?

I mean, you are going.

Your mind is made up.

Yes, it is.

Arthur, now, don't you think it's just a
little bit strange?

I mean, you've just won the good citizenship award.

Now you're going to go beat somebody to a
pulp before your trophy is even dry?

Mom's right.

A boy pulled my hair.

I wanted him.

But Mommy always told me when I get mad,
just say, pins and needles, needles and

pins, and it's a happy girl who always grins.

Fonzie, I know how you feel, but you've
got a responsibility.

I mean, kids look up to you.

What you do, they do, and you've got to set a good example.

Ashley, it is not as if I went looking to beat somebody up.

This nutcase challenged me in front of my
friends and some people I don't even like.

Oh, I see.

So if someone challenged you to jump off
the Empire State Building, you'd do it?

How many stories are we talking about?

Now, both you and I know you can take this guy, and
you've got nothing to prove, and especially not to me.

Please, do me a favor.

Promise me you won't fight this guy.

Ashley, you're asking me a very tough thing.

I cannot...

Ashley, I have never turned down a challenge.

You're making this real hard.

Will you please?

I cannot...

Okay, you win.

I promise I will not fight this guy.

The way I heard it, Fonzie did not show up
at the park last night to fight that Dwayne guy.

He was probably busy at the garage.

What, at 12 O'clock midnight?

Come on.

The guy is a black belt.

I'm telling you, Fonzie's afraid.

You want to take that back, Bobby?

No way.

Take it back, brillo brain.

Yeah, who's going to make it?

Who's going to make me mush mouth?

Oh, fellas, fellas, no, please, no fighting over me.

I'll go out with both of you.

Excuse us.

He's afraid.

He's not.

He is.

Is it?

He is.

Is it?

He is.

Is it?

Is it?

Is it?

Is it?

Everybody out of the pool.

I am chagrined.

My eyes are going to try to forget what I just saw.

Two friends fighting.

What is this about?

Bobby says you're afraid of that Dwayne guy.

Is that true?

Yeah.

Get him.

I'm not afraid of this bozo.

He's just not worth it.

What is he?

He's a bunion on the toe of life, right?

He's, uh...

Here.

Did you forget where the park was last night?

I was busy.

Busy, busy, schmizzy.

All right, right here, right now.

You know, you know, it's not that I don't
want to play tether ball with your head,

but I made a promise I'm not about to break.

Okay.

Your mother swims after troop ships.

And that face, your neck, should be
arrested for carrying around a lethal weapon.



Pins and needles, needles and pins.

It's a happy boy who always grins.

Look at him.

He's chicken.

He's chicken.

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.

What do you kids think of your idol now, huh?

Pins and needles, what the heck was that?

Time Should set aside some time for
yourself Time for just you and me For no

one else Home Home is where I always want
to be And don't you know Share more than

meals At the family table I said it wasn't
going to happen to me, but it did.

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Mmm, I love strawberries.

I love you.

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm,
mozzarella, luscious toppings,

a fresh baked crust.

You invited a pizza delivery guy here?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

What kind of girl do you think I am?

But it's not delivery.

It's DiGiorno.

For fresh baked pizza at home, it's not delivery.

It's DiGiorno.

I'll call ya.

Hey, Flip.

Oh, hey, Bob.

Look, I'm really sorry about yesterday.

Yeah, so am I.

You think I could have Laurel and Huckstep's phone number?

Bobby, I said I was sorry.

Not stupid.

You're sitting at my table.

So what?

Oh, there's a nice empty table.

That is not the point.

Oh, yeah, listen, we're gonna go to the jukebox.

Any requests?

Yeah, here's a dime.

We'll beat this guy up.

I didn't realize it was gonna be so rough on you.

Setting an example is very, very tough.

I figured you'd be hanging on this dump, geek face.

That's me.

I know, I know.

Needles and pins, pins and needles.

You know, you're like a little gnat.

Now, I went to a Mozart concert,
you know, and I'm out, I'm having a nice

quiet evening with some friends, one of which you are not.

You can respect that.

It's a nice coat.

Thank you.

Nice material.

Looks real sharp.

There's one thing wrong with it, though.

Hey!

You might want to keep these in case you
ever want to wipe your nose on yourself.

All right, that's enough.

I.

Mean, can't you tell a gentleman when you see one?

I don't see any gentlemen.

But I do know a sexy lady when I see one.

If you should ever want to go out with a
real man, here's my hotel room key.

Use it.

Fonzie.

Yeah.

Now.

Thank you.

Fonzie, Fonzie, Fonzie, excuse me.

Look, I know you're busy here, but can I
talk to you for a minute in the bathroom?

What's the matter?

You having trouble picking out a song?

No, Fonzie.

No, but this is real important.

Listen, I'll have him back in a second, I promise.

Oh, where do you think you're going?

Look, you've had 17 years to prepare for this.

Don't you think you owe him at least a minute?

Okay.

This has better be done, Roger.

Fonzie, do you really want to fight this guy?

Huh?

Huh?

Okay, okay, Fonzie, this guy is a lunatic.

It's no contest, Fonzie.

You're going to k*ll him, and I know you.

You've got a big heart, and you're going
to feel bad for a long, long time.

Let me tell you something.

It's like Alan Ladd and Shane, you know?

He's got a reputation.

He wants to hang up his g*ns.

They keep on hunting for him.

And now we've got this guy out here,
this Jack Palance, wearing pajamas.

You know what I mean?

I never saw Shane.

You and me?

I never saw Shane.

I guess I never got around to it.

You never got around to it?

No.

Fonz, I have a plan here that I think can help you out.

That's just what I need, good advice from
a guy who never saw Shane.

Fonz, my plan, you can stand up to Dwayne
and still set a good example for the kids.

Oh, yeah, you want me to pretend I'm fainted out there?

Okay, I have another plan.

Look, Fonz, I used to box in college.

And I had this one fight where I used
what I call the hands-off technique, okay?

It's very simple.

All you got to do is get this guy.

Get this guy so angry that he loses his cool.

Then you let him tire himself out by doing all
the punching and all the moving around, right?

When he's completely exhausted, you move in for the k*ll.

Get down.

You actually beat him like that?

Yes.

Fortunately, after the fight, he caught me in
the locker room and knocked me senseless.

You actually get paid for coaching?

I'll tell you something.

What?

It's a very good thing I get one for emergencies.

Right.

What?

Piccalo, he's a no-brainer.

Here we go, all right?

Will you stop crushing my shoulders, go
out there and tell that maniac I'm coming?

Right.

Hey, Fonz, don't worry about this guy.

He's nothing.

You got him.

He's a pushover.

Yeah, right, right, right, right, right.

Hey, Dwayne, it's me, Roger.

I'm coming out now.

Are you ready to face oblivion?

I'm ready for you and him.

I had so many good times on that side of the table.

I love them little sounds you make.

Let me ask you a question.

Are your shorts too tight?

You're next, sister.

You're next, sister.

You're next, sister.

You're next, sister.

You're next, sister.

You're next, sister.

You're next, sister.

You're next, sister.

You're next, sister.

You're next, sister.

You're next, sister.

You're next, sister.

You're next, sister.

This really isn't fair, you know.

I mean, how's a guy supposed to get
revenge if he won't fight?

Now, what's the matter?

Come on.

You're afraid to take a punch?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

You're right.

I have been avoiding this.

I'm just going to stand here.

You give me your best punch, right?

Oh, yeah, sure.

You're just going to stand and let me take a shot?

My mama didn't raise no stoop, Nagel.

Whatever you said, I gave you my word.

Oh, Fonzie.

Fonzie, Fonzie, that's not the plan.

When you see Shane, then we'll talk.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Fonzie!

Ashley, don't.

Let's remember him the way he was.

I did it.

I did it.

So much for the great Arthur Fonzarelli.



The yoke has finally been lifted.

I feel satisfied.

Oh, it feels so good.

I believe it is my turn.

A joke.

A joke.

It's all just a joke.

Look, maybe I deserve to be pushed off that swing.

I was an obnoxious kid.

Hey, I'm an obnoxious adult.

You know what you did?

You stood up to the flies.

I like that.

You got guts.

I do?

Yeah, you know, you got k*lled, but you got guts.

You mean for all these years you haven't
thought that I was a coward?

This may come as a shock to you, but for all
these years I haven't thought that I was a coward.

I haven't given you a thought.

Boy, my mama did raise a stupid egg.

You know, we were eight years old.

Kids do stupid things, you know.

You can't live by revenge alone.

Remember the searches?

You see the searches?

No.

Doesn't anybody go to the movies anymore?

Oh, Fonzie, you're all right.

I was so proud of you.

I'm proud of you, too, Fonz.

And, uh, by the way, I saw the searches.

Please...

Please join me at once was my table, okay?

I'm very sorry you spent 17 years tormenting yourself.

Yeah, well, you live and learn, I guess.

So, uh, how you been keeping yourself busy these years?

Well, I own half of this place,
I teach a school, I own a garage.

What about you?

What do you do?

I'm a psychiatrist.

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For breakfast!

Honey Bunches of Oats!

It has strawberries!

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Strawberries!

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It's anything but ordinary.

I love nature.

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This is taking forever.

Just focus on the reward, and stop talking.

You'll lose count.

I thought you were counting.

No, I'm not.

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And cash or credit?

Hey, Bank One.

Bank One, seriously, I've seen these all day.

It's like a revolving door.

Bank One, Bank One, I'm going to be sleeping.

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Oh, Helen, another Bank One.

You're right, I owe you lunch.

Is that you?

Find the card that fits you best.

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Because it's magic.

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

This man can hold me when I hold you.

It feels so right, it can't be wrong.

Up next, look for the stray podcast.

Partridge in Brady World.

The second Chris Partridge appears as the
elf in Cindy's school play.

Stay tuned for Brady Bunch episode number
three, right here on TV Land.