09x18 - Great Expectations

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Are we on?

That's great.

We're finished, that's the last number.

Yeah, will you hold it?

Now what about when they get hysterical and beg for more?

They never have.

Did you look in the eyes of that last crowd, huh?

They were thinkin' it, you can't anymore.

We gotta go out there, we gotta pretend
that's Madison Square Garden, you know.

Close your eyes.

Ah, ah...

I said I'd never do that again, remember?

Well, I like that, that's what it's like.

Promise?

I do.

Okay.

Got them closed?

Okay.

Here we go.

Well!

Oh, Chachi!

You promised!

I couldn't resist!

Of course.

All right, all right, no more fooling around.

All right.

Okay.

All right, close those baby blues.

Here we are.

Can you see it?

Madison Square Garden.

Ten thousand people.

Five bucks a head.

That's, uh... Fifty thousand dollars.

Right.

Fifty thousand dollars.

Oh, but don't forget, we've got to pay the band.

And there's traveling expenses.

And, of course, bodyguards for me.

Oh!

The whole world will be in country without a train.

And the waving wheat can sure smell sweet
when the wind comes right behind the rain.

That's great, Mrs. E.

Oh, thank you both, but that's nothing.

Wait till you hear Suri with the fringe on top.

This is gonna be the best musical that our
little theater has ever done.

Mom, you do Oklahoma every year.

Yes, but this year we're using live chickens.

Wow.

Oh!

When the wind comes sweeping down the plain.

You're gonna do Oklahoma, huh?

But this year I have the lead.

Oh, that's okay.

I think you're young enough.

Howard Potts, he's here.

I'm all ready.

Oh!

I am so glad you're here.

I'm so proud of her.

She's worked her way up from tumbleweed.

Boy, I can't wait till I get my spots.

Oh, you've got to become a leopard cub first, Pottsie.

If you don't get blackballed at the meeting
tonight, then tomorrow night you'll get your initiation.

And I gotta tell you, it's not easy.

Now, wait, wait.

They're not gonna do these crazy things
like they do in fraternities.

Pottsie, Pottsie, Pottsie.

The leopards are a community service organization.

We don't do silly things like that.

We blindfold you, take away your clothes,
and leave you out in the woods.

No way.

No blindfolds.

Night, kids.

Night.

Night, Dad.

Look, Chach, if you're that sure that we're gonna
get an encore, there's a million songs we can do.

Uh, Twist and Shout, Sweet Little Sixteen.

I got a better idea.

Oh, man, this is the best idea I've ever had.

Tell me.

We'll write our own song.

But I don't know how to write songs.

Oh, how hard can it be?

It's only gonna be a few minutes long, right?

Oh, great.

We'll write it on the way to Arnold's.

That's a good idea.

Come on.

Where'd you guys go tonight, Fonz?

Fonz, where'd you go tonight?

Fonz, where'd you go tonight?

Uh, Sophia Loren movie.

Sophia Loren movie.

You like her, huh, Al?

I could take her and leave her.

Next show starts in 15 minutes.

I think I'm gonna take her.

I thought the ending to the film was
rather enigmatic, didn't you?

Uh, yeah.

Oh, Fonzie, say it again.

I love it.

Buongiorno.

With my name.

Say it with my name.

Buongiorno, Roxy.

Oh, Fon, how do you do that?

So, Alice, I've been reading this very
interesting book about a boy raised by wolves.

Okay, Roger, that's the end of our double date.

Thanks very much.

So anyway, this poor boy is raised only by
wolves until they find him.

And then they re-event.

Habilitate him, and, well, now he works
for the narcotics squad.

Sniffing luggage at the airport.

I just remembered, I forgot to turn my water off.

Oh, don't get up, I live nearby.

Thank you for the memorable evening.

Should have started the wolf boy story sooner.

Time turned around, a feeling lost is found.

What do you think?

Oh, my music is great.

But I'm, uh, I'm not too sure about your lyrics.

Oh, really?

Can we try my lyrics now?

Here we go.

You make me shout, you make me shout, you make me shout.

I like the way you rhyme shout with shout.

Well, what else are you going to get to rhyme with shout?

How about get out?

How about get out?

Well, how is the song coming along?

Just great.

Yeah, we're having a ball.

How's Oklahoma doing?

Not so good.

Fire broke out backstage and got the time.

Chickens.

We won't be able to do the play tonight,
but at least we'll have dinner.

Did you find Potsie?

No such luck.

We looked all through the woods, not a trace of him.

Well, what do you have here?

His clothes, in case we found him.

But don't worry about it, Marion.

He'll find his way home.

You see, we gave him a compass.

Here it is.

Then we'll have to go and find him and give it to him.

Oh, Marion, it's so cold out there.

No, but if we don't find him, no telling
when he'll come back.

That may take weeks.

Get the lead out, Howard.

We dropped him off ten feet from a gas station.

You'd think he'd turn around.

George, you know, this song really isn't worth fighting.

You know, I read somewhere that Rodgers
and Hammerstein never wrote together.

One wrote the music, and the other wrote
the lyrics, and then he put it together.

Yeah, they're pretty good.

I'll write the lyrics.

I'll write the music.

I'll tell you what, I'll write the music.

I like doing that anyway, okay?

No more fighting?

No more fighting.

I'll see you later.

Fonz, I have to talk to you about my date last night.

She walked out on me in the middle of Arnold's.

Everybody's staring at me.

It was so humiliating.

Say, see ya.

Hey, Fonz, what am I gonna do?

I mean, what am I doing wrong?

I get plenty of dates.

That's not the problem.

The problem is they never go anywhere.

They never get exciting.

All right, all right, the doctor's in.

All right.

All right.

I gotta hear about your M.O.

M.O.?

Motorcyclerendai, named after the guy that invented it.

Oh.

Now, just tell me, like, I wanna hear the first few lines
you give to these girls when you meet them, all right?

All right, okay.

Well, Fonz, usually I like to start the evening off by
saying that I find her appearance quite pleasing to the eye.

And then, of course, I'll ask her what her
plans are for the future.

And then I segue right into one of my wolf boy stories.

Fonz?

Fonz?

Boring.

Very, very boring, Roger.

You gotta be short, sweet, to the point.

You gotta say, hey, baby, if I told you you got
a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

You know, how come they love wigs?

I'm telling you, they love wigs.

I don't know, Fonz.

I don't think that'd work for me.

Does anything work for you?

No.

So good.

Come on.

Hey, what happened to Chachi?

His lip's cramped.

He went home to work on our song.

Oh, yeah?

What's up?

All right, all right.

We're gonna try a little experiment, all right?

I would like you to allow Roger to ask you out.

Fonz, he's my cousin.

Use your imagination.

Ah, the imagination.

That's what separates us from lower forms
of life, that and the thumb.

Did you know that no other animal other
than primates have thumbs?

I guess that's why we never see them.

Bowling.

Now, can we get on with it, please?

Her name is Sheila.

You've seen her across the room all evening.

You're gonna make your move.

Your way.

Go ahead.

Hi, Sheila.

Listen, there's a really fine film opening
up at the Bijou Theater Saturday night,

and I thought if you didn't already have plans,
maybe you'd like to accompany me, and we could, uh...

All right, hold it right there.

Hold it right there.

Would you go with him?

Yeah, I guess so.

What kind of time would you have?

A nice time.

Yeah?

Magic.

When girls go out with you, they get nice.

For me, they get thrills, surprises, animal pleasures.

With you, they see a lawnmower,
you know, kids, a station wagon.

I'm a Ferrari.

Put a little more of a boom in it, will you?

I got it, Fonz.

I hope so.

I got it.

Sheila, baby, your clothes are driving me
wild, and that's only because you're in them.

That's better.

Did it, Fonz?

Fonz, did I overdo it?

No, no, no, unless I get a hernia here, right?

Now, look.

What are you standing so straight and tall for?

You're going to get a posture medal.

Right.

Put a little lotion in your motion, huh?

All right, I got it.

I got it.

All right, hold it.

Now, tomorrow night, the Falcons are having a bash.

You make your debut right there.

I'm ready, Fonz.

All right, hold it.

One thing.

Ferraris do not wear suits.

You want to lose your suit, all right?

You're right, Fonz.

Tomorrow night, the world is going to meet
the new Roger Phillips.

Animal!

This is the Quiggins, and God is gorgeous.

Chug, chug, chug.

Carol Burnett and Friends is coming to TV Land.

We are talking about national TV here.

Tune in for our 48-hour marathon.

It's on at 10.30.

Actually, it's on all weekend long.

Well, forgive me for living.

Two straight days of unforgettable skits.

We're all here.

Watch the Carol Burnett and Friends
marathon all next weekend on TV Land.

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Hi, guys.

Hey.

Honey, I got that dessert you like.

Oh, great.

Oh, and look what else I got.

Honey?

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Hey, Fonz, I'm glad you could make it.

I want to tell you something.

I love the outside of your house.

I mean, a very interesting use of barbed wire.

Oh, yeah, my wife's idea.

She got it from a necklace.

Right.

All right, look, this is my very good friend, Roger.

Roger Phillips right here.

How do you do, Mr. Bruffy?

Thank you for having me in your nice home.

This is for you.

It's an interesting little bottle of wine.

Fried with a robust flavor.

It goes very well with...

You really ought to let that breathe.

Never mind.

Got any more?

No, not on me.

Some guest.

If you don't bring enough for everybody, don't bring.

Cost me bucks.

Will you stop being so you'll get over there?

Get over there.

All right.

What are we here for?

I've got to be more uninhibited.

I've got to unwind.

That's right, pick up the sweater.

That's first.

All right, loosen up here.

Right.

Open that butt.

Come on.

Right, right, I'm coming, I'm coming.

How's that?

All right, all right, all right.

Something's wrong.

What?

I don't know.

Hey.

All right.

Who's stopping it?

Who's stopping it?

I've got it.

Hi.

Hillary.

Hillary.

Roger, this is Hillary.

Hillary, this is Roger.

Hmm.

Thank you so much.

You've got a pretty good set of lips.

Did you ever spit for distance?

No, I don't spit.

Oh, yeah?

So what do you do with your gum?

Fonz.

Fonz, I lost Hillary.

Congratulations.

You're the first one in history.

What are you going to do?

Are you going to curtsy?

Give me a minute.

Give me a minute.

Go out there and find somebody, huh?

Right.

A little glide, you slide.

Right.

All right.

Hey, Patrick, please.

What do you say we shake it up on the
dance floor a little bit, huh?

Thanks, but I don't feel like it.

Well, maybe you feel like this.

Excuse me.

That's my wife you're kissing.

And a bottle of wine only gets you so much.

Your wife?

I knew that.

You see, I thought she was drowning,
but I'm a trained lifeguard.

I think I see one of my fraternity brothers over there.

Better go slip in the grip.

Why do you embarrass me in front of my friends?

Didn't I whack the floor?

Didn't I buy a flat?

You can't be... You got your brother out of it.

Fonz, Fonz, this isn't working out.

It was working out for me that you came along.

Fonz, I just kissed Rocky Barufi's wife.

By mistake.

That is the only way to kiss her.

Let me tell you something, Roger.

A bottle of wine only gets you so far, you know.

Get over here.

What?

We came here to meet single girls, right?

Right.

Okay.

Turn around.

Yeah.

Go find one.

Look what I taught you.

Right.

Get out of there.

Ah, excuse me, I'm sorry.

If I told you I had a beautiful body,
would you hold it against me?

What?

If I told you you had a beautiful body, could I?

If either of us had beautiful bodies?

Would you hold either of them against me?

Okay, honey, where and when?

Where and when?

Tonight, Arnold's place.

I can't wait.

Get in the car.

Be there.

Yeah.

Hey, Rod.

Rod.

Won't get too lonely without me, huh?

What is it, Al?

Son, what happened?

Oh, Fonzie had me dress this way so I'd be
more exciting to women.

Does it work?

Does it work?

Wow, watch.

Hey, Beverly, my lips are getting very, very lonely.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

And on this time, it was my sleeves holding me back.

Listen, what do you say we just skip dinner,
skip the movie, and skip on over to my place, huh?

Okay.

Really?

You'd go with me just like that?

Sure.

Why not?

Why not?

Because you don't even know who I am.

Sure I do.

You're a robber.

Roger.

Roger.

Listen, uh, look, I could be, I could be a
maniac or something.

I could be some crazed, love-starved sicko, you know.

You should be more careful.

You know, you sound just like my mother.

Yeah, well, mothers know things.

Uh, look, Ronald.

Robert, uh, Roger.

I don't understand.

I mean, like, what are you, some sort of
Cub Scout or something?

Well, yeah, actually, I, well.

Right.

Look, Beverly.

You've really flattered me by all this,
but, uh, I don't think this is gonna work out.

Okay, bub.

It's your loss.

Take it, Ronald.

That's Roger.

Did you tell her about the wolf boy?

Wolf, huh?

I didn't even get to it.

Look, I don't know.

I guess this lifestyle just isn't for me.

I mean, let's face it.

I'm not a love him and leave him kind of guy.

Huh.

I'm not even a love him kind of guy sometimes.

You are who you are.

Oh, sure.

Insult me.

Hey, that is not an insult.

That's the truth.

You're the kind of guy, you meet a girl, you talk,
you ask her out, you fall in love, then you kiss her.

I, of course, take a more scenic route,
but we still get there, right?

Hey, Fonz, lock up for me, will you?

I'm going out cruising.

You know, Fonz, I learned something from you.

I hope so.

You gotta know what kind of guy you are.

You also have to know what kind of girl
you want to go out with.

I'm gonna find Beverly.

I thought she wasn't your type.

She's not.

I think she took my wallet.

What a creep.

Who are you calling a creep?

Who are you calling a creep?

I'm not a creep.

I agree with Jan.

She's not a creep.

Thank you.

You're a super creep.

People call me a creep all the time.

It doesn't bother me a bit.

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Be yourself again.

You're watching TV Land, where weekday
mornings are twice as nice.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Mind turned around.

The child in me is found.

I'm alive again.

What's old is new.

It's worth the pain that I've been through.

Time turned around.

The child in me is found.

Time turned around.

Since I met you.

Now.

I'm seeing colors where there once were none.

The world seems so much brighter with my tie undone.

Years of disbelief in things that might be
true since I met you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Mind turned around.

The child in me is found.

Alive again.

What's old is new.

It's worth the pain that I've been through.

Time turned around.

The child in me is found.

Time turned around.

Time turned around.

Time turned around.

Since I met you.

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

There's nothing that can hold me when I hold you.

It feels so right.

It can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

These days are ours.

Happy and free.

Happy days.

These days are ours.

Stay tuned for another episode of Happy
Days on TV Land's Twice as Nice.

It's not gonna be nice.

It's gonna be wild.

No, Potsie.

It's going to be nice.

Twice as nice.

Happy days.