09x12 - To Beanie or Not to Beanie

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Marion!

Marion!

Yes, Howard!

I'm coming!

Don't worry, Mr. C.

I'll push you through.

Now, Potsie, will you stop that?

Marion!

Oh, I'm sorry, Howard.

I thought you would have sense enough to
go in the other door.

Would you please move these?

Yes, why, just...

I'm sorry.

Now, are you all right?

Yeah, yeah, I'm all... Will you stop rushing me?

What is all this stuff?

I don't know, but they're for Arthur.

Well, no air holes.

Air holes?

Yeah, girls mail themselves to the Fonz.

Oh.

This is for me, right?

Hey, what is it, Fonz?

This is my high five.

Let's get this out of their way.

I'll take a tweet and you take a woofer.

Right, right.

See you later.

Yeah.

What kind of a skirt is that?

Now, you take that off right this minute and
put it back on one of your dolls where it belongs.

Look what came for you today.

I think it's another college acceptance.

Open it quick.

This is so much fun.

I was accepted to UCLA.

Oh, dear.

Give it to me.

I want to put this in your baby book in
there with your ponytail.

Is this exciting, Howard?

Sure, sure, sure.

But she's already been accepted to the
University of Wisconsin right here in

Milwaukee, so she'll probably be going there.

But I thought it was my decision.

Well, it is your decision, sweetheart.

But if you go to UWM, you can live right here at home.

And you'll have a nice, safe place to keep
that brand-new, shiny car.

New car?

Howard, you're bribing your daughter.

No, I'm not.

It's just an inducement.

It's a reward.

It's a... A bribe.

A bribe, yes.

It's a bribe and a good way back.

Oh, hey, excusez-moi.

Last trip, or I will be out of here in, like, no time.

Be careful, Weber.

Right, I'm careful.

Come on.

Be careful.

I'm careful.

We're out of here.

We're history.

I'll get the door for you, Weber.

Oh, thanks.

Thanks, Fonzie.

All right, Joanie, you got to make up your mind this week.

Arrangements have to be made.

Now, what's it going to be?

Do I buy a brand new car, or do we spend all
that money on plane tickets to Los Angeles?

I can't climb the stairs when I can't see my feet.

Huh?

Oh, Weber.

Yeah?

You dropped my high-five with the AM-FM motorbike.

Multiplex unit.

With dual-channel capabilities, huh?

In a simulated wood-grain cabinet.

And you dented my tweeter.

Fonz, Fonz, I know where the company's located.

The factory's in Seattle.

I'm going to go right now and get you a new one.

Carry on.

Jones, I'm glad you're here.

Major news flash.

Take a look at this.

Joanie Cunningham.

Well, thanks, Jenny, but I already know my name.

Oh, sure.

Go ahead and joke.

But each girl nominated for homecoming
queen is supposed to wear one of these.

You nominated me homecoming queen, Jenny?

And you should have heard the speech that
I gave the nominating committee.

I made you sound like a cross between
Madame Curie and Sandra Dee.

I don't think I thought I was going to make myself sick.

Jenny.

Sure.

Are you sure you want to do all the work
to let me homecoming queen?

Of course.

Guys.

I'd love a homecoming queen, but I have a boyfriend.

That's the genius of it.

I get to snap up all the extras.

That's Jenny, your old pal.

Sure.

Now, I want you to practice the wave.

It's very important.

Bye-bye.

Joanie, hi.

Hi.

Do you want something?

No, no.

I was just practicing my wave.

Jenny nominated me homecoming queen.

Fantastic.

I mean, this is wonderful.

First, it's all.

It was college acceptances, and now, homecoming queen.

Why am I the only one smiling?

Oh, I'm sorry, Al.

Can I ask you something?

It's really important.

Sure.

Important?

Yeah.

You mean you want my advice about something?

Okay.

I have to decide about college,
and I'm not sure what to do.

College.

Wow.

Hey, that is important.

Yeah.

First, let me get college.

Thinking in my head.

Go ahead.

Okay.

If I feel very strongly that I should do
one thing, and my father feels just as

strongly that I do something else,
should I stand up for what I think is

right, even though it's going to make him very angry?

What do you think, Al?

Al.

Al.

Al.

Al!

Jody, you're absolutely right.

It's important, yes.

College.

Yeah, but I wonder what my father wants.

Well, you see, that is an important question, because
if I give you the wrong answer, I could destroy your life.

Al, I... I could destroy your
entire life with one wrong answer.

Al, I... I mean, the answer's important to us.

What was the question?

Okay, but... No, no, I know the question, Jody.

I know the... I'll get an answer for you.

I will get an answer for you.

Will.

You just wait and see.

Clarence, I got a question for you.

Howard.

You have to eat slower.

The friction from the fork could set your lips on fire.

Marion, I am just anxious to hear Joanie's
decision as to which college she's gonna do.

Whether she's gonna go to UWM or Brand X.

We are being fair here.

They're both very fine schools.

Well, of course they are.

But there's a Cunningham tradition here.

I mean, Richie went to UWM.

Richie went there.

That's tradition?

Tradition has to start somewhere.

Now, come on.

Which college is it gonna be?

Well, I've made my decision.

You're not going to UCLA, right?

No.

Ah!

She's going to UWM!

Mom, Dad.

Wisconsin.

I'm not going to college at all.

Why doesn't the beaver ever learn his lesson?

He's often taught his lesson.

He promises to remember his lesson.

But the next day, he's forgotten.

Is he deliberately ignoring his lesson?

Not exactly.

New evidence suggests that beaver's lesson
enters one ear, floats around his head for

a few seconds, but avoids having any contact with
his brain before exiting out the other side of his skull.

Oh, so that's it.

Learn your lesson.

Watch Leave it to Beaver only on TV Land.

I hope this will be a good lesson to you.

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Marion, what did she say?

She said she's not going to college.

What do you mean you're not going to college?

That's what I mean.

I'm just, I'm not ready for college yet.

All right, then what are you worrying about?

You don't have to go until September.

Joanie, you are making the biggest mistake of your life.

Oh, Dad.

Lori Beth, tell her she's making a big mistake, huh?

Oh, well, I don't want to butt into family affairs.

Well, you're family now.

Okay.

I think Joanie has a point here.

I've always thought that
when... Do I hear the child crying?

I don't hear anybody crying.

That one, yes, I hear... Yes, coming to the heart.

Now, you listen to me, Joanie.

This is a parent's decision, and as a
parent, I am ordering you to go to college.

I second that.

You can't tell me what to do.

I'm 18 years old.

I'm an adult now.

If I don't want to go to college, I'm not going.

Oh, so you want to be an adult, huh?

Okay.

How about no more allowance, huh?

How about starting to pay for your meals, huh?

What's this, Marion?

About a buck and a half?

A buck and a half.

Oh, Howard, really, dear, calm down.

No, we're going about this all wrong.

Let me talk to her.

Joanie, dear.

Joanie, we have always dreamed of sending
our children to college.

Now, I have especially dreamed that for you.

It's always been so hard for women,
and now it's all opened up out there.

And if you don't have a college education,
you're going to end up like me.

Yeah, you don't want to end up like your mother.

Marion, what do you mean end up like you?

I thought you were happy.

Well, I am, Howard, but it's always
bothered me that I didn't finish college.

There was so much for me to learn there,
and so many great ideas to be absorbed.

I mean, the Reader's Digest just covers so much, Howard.

You're going to go to college now,
while you have the chance.

But, Mom, I don't know what I want to do right now.

Fine, then don't know what you want to do
while you're going to college.

Fat chance.

Joanie!

Don't talk to your father like that.

You go to your room.

You can't send me to college, and you
can't send me to my room anymore.

Oh, no!

You go to your room!

You go to your room!

You go to your room!

Hey, hi-h*, how's everybody, huh?

Hey, listen, I got my hi-fi set up, you
know, when I can spin you a stack of wax.

I got these, uh, these terrific,
uh, records, you know, and I...

So, we'll do it some other time.

Fine, it's fine.

You gotta help me.

Yeah.

They want me to go to college.

I don't want to go.

You're pulling my leg.

No, I'm not.

I don't want to go.

What are you going to do, step on the American dream?

Oh, come on.

Hey, you know what college is?

College is rah-rah.

College is Ivy-colored halls.

It's maternity row, uh, cheerleaders.

It's lockers and it's libraries and it's wonderful
studying, you know, and filling your brain and everything.

That's what college is.

And you're going.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

I'm not.

Go to your room.

Call, call, just call, and I might have
the time, just call, can I lend you a

dime, just call, and I know that you like
what you've done, call, call, call, call, just call.

Good rehearsal, everybody.

Is, uh, same time tomorrow good?

Okay.

Yeah, fine.

Oh, Joanie, I've got to tell you something.

You sounded great.

Oh, thanks.

Uh-huh.

Hey, listen, I'm really sorry, but I've
been thinking about this college stuff.

Oh.

I'll tell you what, I'll talk to Fonzie,
and, uh, I'll call you later, all right?

Okay.

But don't worry about it.

Okay.

I'll see you later.

Oh, Chachi, you know, your band is hot.

H-O-T, hot.

Thanks a lot, Jenny.

You're welcome.

I'm going to go talk to Fonzie.

I'll see you later.

Bye-bye.

Fonzie.

Fonzie, I have to talk to you about Joanie.

Yeah, oh, let me show you something, Chachi.

Look what I just got for my stereo, huh?

Sound effects records.

Yeah, great.

Listen to this.

I got hair growing.

Oh, the sound of butterflies birthing and the
ever-controversial tree falling in an empty forest.

Yeah, I heard that.

You heard that?

Fonzie, I have to talk to you about Joanie now.

Well, yeah, she's going to be a beautiful homecoming queen.

Jenny, stick another one of those signs on my back.

Oh, yeah.

She's a little big.

Here, peruse this over here.

Joanie Cunningham for homecoming queen.

And Jenny Piccolo for anything else.

Five.

Five, five, four, two, four, two.

I'll tell you something.

I came in here, I caught her trying to
carve that right into my desk, you know?

That chick is definitely driving down the
highway to Loon City.

I know that, but I'm a lot more concerned
about Joanie right now.

Nine, forty-two.

Yeah, I'll tell you, I was over there,
you know, and I yelled at her pretty bad.

I guess I should talk to her.

Maybe you could get Mr. and Mrs. C to listen to her.

And let her explain why she doesn't want to go to college.

I can't do that, Chachi.

I'm not going to mix in family business, you know?

You know, I bet if Richie were here, he'd talk to her.

Yeah, sure.

Richie is their son, Chachi.

Well, Mr. and Mrs. C think of you as a son, don't they?

They do.

You're like family, Fonz.

I am.

You're like a son.

I'm like a son.

Right.

Listen, when you're sick, who takes care of you, huh?

Oh, Mr. C.

Mm-hmm.

And at Christmas time, who takes you to see Santa Claus?

Mrs. C.

Right.

I bet you can do just as good a job as Richie.

Are you kidding?

Better.

Much better.

So what do you say, Fonz?

Joanie can really use a member of the family on her side.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

I'll talk to Mom and Dad.

Thanks.

All right.

Judge.

The part about going to see Santa Claus, right?

To everybody else, I was just shopping, you know?

All right.

All right.

Howard, are you asleep?

Yes, I am, Marion.

Oh, I'm sorry, dear.

I'm just reading this interesting article
how, plants react to affection just like humans.

It says if you can talk to your plants just the
right way, they'll grow up how you want them to.

Maybe we should have had a geranium instead of a daughter.

Try to get some sleep, honey.

Okay, dear.

Good night.

Good night, Sylvia.

Oh, Howard, maybe Joanie changed her mind.

Come in.

I'm so glad he's still awake.

Oh, Arthur, maybe you didn't notice.

Weird and bad hair.

Oh, so I'm going to be in and out just like the Sandman.

Hey, why don't I sit down?

No, no, why don't you just slide up here between us?

Oh, Mr. C, it's not a bad idea.

I bet Richie did this, huh?

Yeah, when he was four and it was thundering.

All right, let's get down to business.

Let's talk about Joanie and going to college, you know?

I think maybe she's old enough to make up her own mind.

Joanie is too young to understand what's
at stake here, Fonzie.

Believe me, she needs to go to college.

Yeah, but I think that we're being a little unfair.

I think that we should give her some room so that
she could tell us the reason she don't want to go, right?

Well, I appreciate your concern here,
Fonzie, but this is really a family decision.

I see.

A family decision.

I'm not going to go.

I'm certainly family.

I'm certainly family when you want me to fix your car.

You want me to put an antenna on your
roof, you say, hey, son, lend me a hand, huh?

But it's climbing, bedding, so long, stranger, huh?

Well, I understand.

You're family.

I'm a tenant.

That's fine.

Hey, I can dig in.

I can dig in.

Let me just tell you one thing.

There are plenty of other people who would
love to take me to see Santa Claus.

Oh, Fonzie, you turn off that high-five.

Oh, Joanie.

Did Arthur wake you, too?

No, I couldn't sleep.

I've been up thinking about college.

Oh, then you've come to your senses.

You've decided to go to school, huh?

No, I'm still not going.

Dad, I think that I'm going to school.

And if you just listen to what I have to say.

You hurt me bad.

During all these years, I thought like I
was part of the family, you know?

Hey.

A delusion.

Obviously, obviously I'm just the guy that
lives over your car.

I bought the notes.

I think he was upset.

All right, we'll talk to him.

We'll talk to him later.

First, I want to settle this thing with Joanie.

Dad, there's nothing to settle.

My mind is made up.

I'm not going to college.

Oh, your mind is made up, huh?

Yes.

Like the time you came home and you told
me you wanted to be an elephant trainer.

Dad, I was eight years old.

You made me go off and buy you a whip.

I'm going to get this off my chest.

And when I do, I'm out of here like yesterday's trash.

I mean, one day you're going to realize
just how much you hurt me, you know?

And then you're going to have to live with it, you know?

I mean, I'm hurt.

Joanie, look, I don't just want you to go
to school for the book learning.

It's the atmosphere, the idealism.

I want to see you get a chance to see what
the world could be before you find out.

Dad, that's very nice, but if I went now,
I don't think I could appreciate all that.

If I just took a year off from going to school,
I think that I'd get more out of it when I went.

Well, what are you going to do during that year?

Sit around all the time and go to movies
with Chachi every night?

No, I would get a job, and I would pay my own way.

But you don't need to do that.

Mom, I want to do that.

I think a year working in the real world might be
just what I need to fall in love with going to school.

Well, I can't argue with that.

Just one year.

Just one year.

All right.

Oh, gosh, thanks.

Thanks.

But if you did go to school this year,
you'd go to UWM, wouldn't you?

Yes, yes.

Sure, oh, gosh, she's part of the family.

Fonzie, I want to talk to you.

I don't think there was anything to say,
Mr. Cunningham, and while you're at it.

Mr. Cunningham?

Why don't you just call me Mr. Fonzarelli, Lieutenant.

All right, Mr. Fonzarelli, Lieutenant, have a seat.

You sure you want me to sit down?

This is a family chair.

Oh, will you cut that out?

Now, look, I'm sorry we were so rude to you.

It was just bad timing.

We were upset about Joanie.

The fact that you were concerned about her is very nice.

You've always been part of this family,
and you always will be.

It's very true, Arthur.

We love you.

I want to taste some.

It's very nice to be home again.

You know, this emotional stuff is exhausting.

Last year.

It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you a woman
I love from the bottom of my heart, Miss Diane Carroll.

Next year.

The 2004 TV Land Awards come in March.

Hey, Dad, what are you doing?

Making a little snack.

Come on, plenty of room.

How come you fold yours over like that?

I don't know.

I guess it's because that's the way my dad used to do it.

And I always wanted to do it.

I always wanted to do something just like him.

That's silly.

It's more than just that great peanut taste.

Choosing Jif is a small, simple way of
letting someone know you care.

Choosing moms and dads choose Jif.

Yes, you're lovely.

Never, ever change.

Keep that breathless charm.

Won't you please arrange it?

Cause I love you Just the way you look
tonight Just the way you look tonight.

Well, time for a remix.

Let's go.

Ocean Airs Club.

We'll be at the beach.

Are you going to be okay by yourself?

Oh, yeah.

I got a whole list of things I want to do.

With a Disney Cruise, they can do the
things they want to do.

And you can do the things you want to do.

Disney Cruise Line.

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Why didn't make homecoming, Queen?

First runner-up isn't that bad.

Joanie, it stinks.

I blew it.

I just didn't work hard enough.

Don't worry about it.

Remember, it's not whether you win or lose.

It's how you play the game.

I'm gonna be all right.

Yeah, I gotta go.

Where are you going now?

Oh, I've gotta go hang out with Gloria Centinella.

What for?

She won.

Of course.

Nothing personal, Jones, but hanging out
with first runner-up gets me diddly.

Goodbye.

Woo!

Joanie, Joanie, Joanie.

What's wrong, Al?

You don't look so good.

I haven't slept in two days.

Hey.

Ever since the time you asked me that
question about college.

Oh, Al, I didn't mean for you to take it that serious.

No, no, no, it's okay.

It's good practice for me for when I'm a
family man, you know?

Oh, yeah.

I came up with something, but... You did?

You don't want to hear it.

No, I do.

It's all right.

You don't have to listen.

Al, tell me.

All right.

And I gotta pay close attention,
because this is very tricky.

I'll explain it, all right?

Okay.

On one hand, we have your parents, who are very
wise people, and they seem to know what's best for you.

Now, on the other hand, we have you.

A grown woman who's old enough to know what's best for you.

You see?

What are you saying, Al?

What I'm saying, Joanie, is that I need more time.

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

It feels so right, it can't be wrong.

Ballet.

Tap dancing.

Baton twirling.

Acting.

Poor Jan, she can't do any of these things.

It's a wonder she even gets out of bed in the morning.

Stay tuned for the classic self-loathing
Jan episode entitled, Try, Try Again.