04x08 - The End of You-Know What

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons.

Hi, Ernie!

Golly, Chip, you ruined the experiment.

That was a pretty funny-looking experiment.

I was just seeing if Galileo's law was right.

My dad says you're supposed to obey all laws.

Well, do you think they're right or not?

Galileo said that two objects start from
the same height, but if they ground at the

same time, even though one is heavier than the other.

You mean like you and the stepladder?

No, like this brick and this tennis ball.

One, two, three.

Hey, Galileo was right!

Boy, Ernie, you're a brain.

Doctor.

Black was the brain.

I listen to him.

Every Friday afternoon, he has coffee in his backyard.

I sneak up and listen.

They're always talking about stuff.

Hey, I saw a car pull up to this place on my way over here.

Good.

I hear Dr. Blackwood say stuff.

And then I go home and tell it to my dad.

He doesn't know what I'm talking about,
and it drives him goofy.

Let's go.

We're out in the patio, all right.

Be real quiet.

Shh.

Well, Dr. Hastings?

Offhand, I can't find any error in your figures.

Frankly, I was hoping you would.

Are you certain that this planetoid is
headed toward the Earth?

There's no question it's out of orbit
between Jupiter and Mars.

Definitely on a collision course.

When would you say?

One week from today.

Friday.

At precisely 5 P.M.

The end of the world.

So hard to comprehend.

And yet...

Would you make it public?

Of course not.

We both understand mob psychology.

You're right.

It would cause needless panic.

Besides, there's nothing anybody can do
about stopping a planetoid.

Correct.

That's why I asked you to check my figures.

I knew I could depend on you.

No responsible person would let this leak out.

Wow, the end of the world.

Five O'clock, Friday afternoon.

Says him.

Well, it isn't all bad.

I was supposed to take a piano lesson six O'clock Friday.

You better practice anyway, because you're
still going to have that piano lesson.

You weren't going to tell anybody about
this, are you, Chip?

It would panic the world.

Oh, yeah, it'd panic them, O.K.

Laughing.

Well, whether you believe it or not, don't tell anybody.

You know how people make a big fuss every
time there's something like this?

You really believe that goofy stuff?

Sure, don't you?

Of course not.

If something like this was coming up,
my dad would have told me.

Crazy weather for this time of year.

Hey, Mike.

Yeah?

That old Dr. Blackwood down the street,
he's sort of a goof, isn't he?

Goof?

Well, he's goofy enough to teach college
astronomy for 30 years and write a book or two.

Probably one of the top scientists in the world, why?

Well, I just wondered.

He sort of looks kind of goofy, like he
needs a haircut just after he had one.

Well, he got that way from kids like you
asking dumb questions.

Well, I wonder what I can unfreeze for dinner.

Bub?

Yeah?

You know that astrology book of yours?

The one with the horoscope and everything in it?

Yeah.

Can I have a look at it, please?

I want to see what it says about next Friday.

What, you got a big deal coming up?

Yeah, sort of.

Let's look at it over here.

Let's see.

There it is.

Chip, I'm afraid we'll have to get a new book.

How come?

Because this one only goes through till Thursday.

Ooh.

Yeah.

Hi, Steve.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Chipper.

How are things?

Okay.

Well, Bob, what have you unfrozen for dinner tonight?

See, hold it, Buster.

If I want to be talked to like that, I'll get married.

Dad, I want to ask you a question.

Okay, Chipper.

What is it?

What's mob psychology mean?

Well, uh, mob psychology is a term that applies to the
behavior of people in large groups under certain conditions.

Well, how do they behave?

Well, lots of times, very stupidly, Chip.

You see, when a person is part of a mob, he'll do
things that he'd never think of doing as an individual.

Now, say, oh, say I have an ice cream cone.

I hold it out to you.

You take it.

You thank me for it.

You eat it.

But if I held it out to you and a whole bunch
of other fellas, there's liable to be a big rush.

And, uh, some torn shirts and a lot of bloody noses
and, uh, well, nobody would end up with the ice cream.

You mean sort of like a panic?

Yeah, yeah.

It might be better if you just kept the
ice cream to yourself.

I think you're right.

This isn't part of your homework, is it?

No.

I just heard the word mob psychology and
wondered what it meant.

Oh.

Well, now I hope you know.

Hello, Ernie?

Chip.

You know that clunky thing?

The end of...

The end of you know what?

Well, maybe it isn't so nutty after all.

I think they're really going to have it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

See ya.

There we are.

I see it.

I see it.

Of course.

Of course.

One little decimal point.

So it won't be Friday.

At least... At least not this Friday.

Extrapolating my tiny error, I'd say I was
off about, uh, a million years.

Well, let's finish our coffee.

Hi, Chip.

Hi, Ernie.

Like that.

Yeah.

What you been doing?

Nothing.

I just got up.

What have you been doing?

I'm on my way downtown.

Look.

Boy, where'd you get all that?

From my piggy bank.

Well, I thought you were saving up for a sled.

How much snow do you think is gonna fall
between now and Friday?

I guess you're right.

I was saving up for a summer vacation.

I guess I won't need it now.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Hey, you got a lot.

I bet you there's ten or eleven bucks here.

And that's not all.

There's some other ways we could get some money.

Sell things, return bottles, your allowance.

I already got my allowance.

I mean in advance.

I got mine for the next four weeks.

Well, how'd you do that?

I settled for 90 cents on the dollar.

You gonna try what old man McGuffey said?

What do you mean?

You know, being nice to the other fella and doing good.

Gee, I'm not sure I know how to.

Yeah, being bad's easy.

But doing good's gonna take some thinking.

Well, there's one good thing.

What's that?

It's just till Friday.

Yeah.

We'll see ya.

We'll see ya.

Yeah, I bet you are.

What were you doing in the closet?

Oh, well, that's a new word for it.

Look, you better stay out of my stuff.

Now, just stay out.

But, Rob, I want... Stay out!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

This.

Guy that did the washing for me.

Oh, you noticed, huh?

Oh, I noticed, huh?

Well, you put two of your dad's white shirts, a
pair of blue socks, and a red sweater in the washer.

Well, didn't they get clean?

Didn't they get clean?

This is the cleanest red, white,
and blue shirt I've ever seen.

Gee, I'm sorry.

Here, let me fix it.

Oh, no, you don't, Betsy Ross.

You've made enough flags for the day.

Hi, Mike.

Mike, what's the matter with him?

Well, he's still mad because Sally insulted him.

She wanted to go to the Monaco room
Thursday night, but he didn't have the money.

So how's that an insult?

Well, she offered to pay the bill, but he
wouldn't accept, so they had a little spatter.

Hey, Mike.

Mike.

Yeah?

I got something for you.

Here, have a good time.

What's that for?

So you can take Sally to the Monaco room Thursday.

I wouldn't touch this money with a 10-foot pole.

Take it back to Sally and tell her what I said.

But I don't want to give it to Sally.

I want to give it to you.

Chip, I told Sally I wouldn't take any money from her,
and she's not going to get around me with a trick like this.

Hi, honey.

Here's your paper.

And look, just like Dr. Blackwood said,
they didn't mention anything about it.

Yeah, they didn't say anything about it on TV either.

So that proves it.

Yep.

Are you doing any good for the LFL?

My folks don't seem to like it.

I tried to help my mom bake a cake,
and she chased me out of the house.

I thought I'd come over here and do some
good for the folks around you.

Better not, Ernie.

My folks don't seem to take to it either.

Better let them bring in the paper themselves.

Boy, with everybody gone after Friday,
these papers sure are going to start fouling up.

Really, doesn't I?

We can stop the paper from coming.

No use paying for it after Friday.

Sure, and the gas and the light.

And the water.

Boy, we can save him a lot of money and
not get clobbered for it.

He just sneaked into his room a few minutes ago.

Yeah, Dad, I saw him.

He was carrying a package.

He was?

I imagine you're talking about your brother, Chip.

Steve, we've got a problem on our hands.

That's right, Dad.

Chip needs some straightening out.

Yeah, he tried to give me that $10.

Well, it sounds like he does need some straightening out.

I caught him in my closet.

And he goofed up the laundry.

Yeah, he has been acting funny all day today, Dad.

Well, now let's just take it easy.

Mike, what is so wrong with Chip trying to give you $10?

Well, it's Sally's money.

She's been trying to give it to me to pay for a date.

Oh, well, that's nothing against Chip.

And, Rob, what did he say he was doing in your closet?

Well, he said he was cleaning it out.

Well, maybe he was.

And, Bub, what is this about his goofing up the laundry?

Well, come to think of it, his intentions were right.

It was his colors that went haywire.

Well, don't you get it?

Of course he's trying to help.

To get on the good side of you.

So?

Well, so that you won't be so hard on him
when you find out what he's really done.

What has he really done?

Well, I don't know, Dad, but whatever it is, it must
be pretty awful for a guy to be giving away money.

I think the sensible thing for me to do is
go up and ask Chip.

I'm not finding anything out down here.

Chip?

Hi, Dad.

You made anybody's bed lately?

Gee, how'd you know?

Oh, it was just a wild guess.

What's this?

Oh, it's a present for the kids in school.

I'm going to give it to them Friday morning.

Bon voyage.

To the kids in my class, goodbye and good luck, Chip.

Is your class going somewhere?

Well, sort of.

Well, what's in that, Chip?

Candy.

Well, that must have cost quite a bit of money.

$9.95.

Chip, uh, Mike is under the impression
that Sally gave you $10 to give to him.

I don't know where he got that idea.

Where did you get the money to buy the candy?

Well, here out of my bank.

Well, isn't that the money you were saving
for summer vacation?

Yes, sir.

And you bought candy with it.

Well, I'm sure you have an explanation for this.

Well, there's an explanation, but I can't explain it.

Why can't you explain it?

Well, it's for your own good, Dad.

For my own good?

Chip, if you know what's for your own
good, you'll tell me anyway, and right now.

Well, it's this way.

Friday at 5 O'clock, the world's coming to an end.

Oh.

Gee, Dad, you didn't panic.

Well, give me time, Chip.

Tell me, where did you find out about the
world coming to an end?

Dr. Blackwood said so.

Dr. Blackwood down the street?

Yes, sir.

Ernie heard him, too.

You must have misunderstood, Chip.

Even if Dr. Blackwood thought the world was coming
to an end, I'm sure he wouldn't have told you and Ernie.

Well, he didn't exactly tell us.

See, Ernie goes there every Friday to hear stuff.

And we were listening by his patio.

All he was telling some other man.

Was Dr. Blackwood serious?

Sure, Dad.

It's really true.

I was there.

He had the figures all written down on
paper and everything.

If you don't believe me, you can ask him.

I think I'll do that, Chip, right now.

You stay here and let it back, huh?

We'll see if we have anything to worry about.

Dad?

Don't panic.

No, I'll try to remain calm.

Sir?

You see, Mr. Douglas, I made an error of one decimal point.

Dr. Hastings caught it.

And that made a difference of a mere million years.

Well, in astronomy, that's like a single weekend.

I'm sorry about the boys.

I had no idea they were listening.

Well, it won't happen again, Doctor.

At least not without your permission.

Thank you very much, sir.

Goodbye, Mr. Douglas.

Nice to talk to you.

So, you see, Chip, you heard Dr. Blackwood
correctly, but unfortunately, or

fortunately, he made a mistake in his calculations.

He fouled up a decimal point.

So you and Ernie are going to have to wait about a
million years if you want to catch the end of the world.

Dad?

Yeah?

Thanks for trying to make me feel good.

Chip, you don't think I'm leveling with you, do you?

You always level with me.

But Dr. Blackwood didn't tell the papers,
or he didn't tell the guys on TV.

He didn't tell you, because he doesn't
want everybody to panic.

We heard him.

It's Friday, all right.

Chip, do you have confidence in me?

Well, sure.

Do you think I keep up pretty well with
all the scientific developments?

Yeah.

Well, don't you think I'd be worrying if I
thought the world was going to end on Friday?

I guess so.

I'll tell you what you do, Chip.

You watch me, and when I start worrying,
then you can start worrying, okay?

Okay, Dad.

Okay.

Good night, boy.

Good night, Dad.

Say your prayers.

Dad?

Yeah, Chip?

Boy, is Ernie going to be disappointed.

Good night.

Good night.

Well, how'd it go?

I, uh, think I got through with him, Bub.

Was he relieved?

Not particularly.

I think he and Ernie were sort of looking
forward to the fireworks.

Hi, Chip.

Ready?

It's almost time.

Ernie, I told you, my dad said they're not
going to have it.

It won't hurt you to come outside and
watch with me, just in case.

Ernie, uh, you look like you're ready for about anything.

I just hope you're not going to be too
disappointed when nothing happens.

Mr. Douglas.

Yes, Ernie?

Do you have a Ph.D.

in physics?

No, I have an engineering degree.

You ever think up a new theory all by yourself?

Well, I've worked out a few engineering gimmicks.

Mr. Douglas, are you an astronomer?

No, I'm not an... You know what all the
different stars and meteors are going to do?

Well, just what I read.

Do you have a giant telescope?

No, I don't.

I don't think I'm going to be disappointed.

Hey, what happened?

What's going on here?

What's the trouble?

Dad, it's five O'clock and my radio went off.

Pow, just like that.

Well, it was probably a two.

My electric mixer died out right in the
middle of an electric mix.

Then all the lights went out.

All right.

All right, so we've blown a fuse.

Steve, it's five O'clock.

All right, so it's five O'clock.

What's going on here?

The water went off and there's no power upstairs.

No water?

Steve, do you suppose Chip was right?

Oh, of course he's not.

Well, of course not.

Dad, the telephone's dead.

The telephone's dead.

Here we go.

Now, wait.

Dad?

Dad?

If the world was going to blow up or
anything, it wouldn't have been...

I forgot.

You forgot what, Chip?

Well, about the lights, water, and phone.

I had them turned off to save money.

McKenny, you know what?

What was going to happen?

Oh, well, I don't know.

There goes one interesting weekend of the boy.

He really did it this time, I'm correct.

Chipper, I know you were just trying to
help, but next time, before you go ahead

and do something like this on your own,
would you talk to Bub and me about it first?

Okay.

You gave Bub and your brothers quite a scare, you know.

How is Ernie taking his disappointment?

Well, I told him you wouldn't say it wouldn't happen
unless it wouldn't, and he says the whole thing's a jip.

Now, let's go.

Ernie, why don't you look at it this way?

The end of the world is sort of a vacation.

Half the fun is planning for it.

I guess so.

I'll tell you, as long as you're all
packed, why don't you come and have

something to eat with us and spend the night with Chip?

I'll call your folks.

Okay.

Oh, wait a minute.

I can't call them.

Their phone's dead.

I'll walk over and tell them.

Ernie?

Maybe the end of the world wouldn't have
been as neat as today.

Not as neat as we thought it would.

Maybe.

Well, let's go inside.

Look, up in the sky, it's a bird,
it's a plane, it's not Superman,

it's My Favorite Martian.

Stay tuned for two episodes of My Favorite