03x30 - The Rug

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons Starring Fred McMurray And
as Bub, William Frawley.

Hi.

Hi.

Hey, Micah, you know that stupid picture
you had taken in uniform?

What do you mean, stupid?

Well, not stupid, maybe, but it was offbeat to
take a picture in uniform just to send to Aunt Martha.

Dad suggested it.

Okay?

Okay.

Look, I gotta be at the base in about five
minutes, so what about the picture?

Well, do you have an extra copy?

Yeah, I think so.

You, uh, you want an autograph?

No, no.

Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute.

Uh, you and Hank aren't planning anything ridiculous.

No, I need it.

Luce wants my picture.

Oh.

Who's Luce?

And this isn't your picture.

Well, some of us guys started this pen pal
junk, and I write to this little senorita in Rio.

Her name is Luce Martinez, and she wants
to exchange pictures, but she's 19 years

old, and if I send her one of my pictures,
well, that's the end of the letters.

Oh.

So you want to send me in uniform, huh?

Yeah.

Well, let's face it, Mike.

At 16, I'm cute, but not impressive.

Well, let me know how I do, okay?

No.

Not impressive.

Little sleep.

I was doing some work here last night,
and I left my pen right in that stationary box.

Now, where is it?

It was just a dumb old story about a girl and a horse.

Well, Chip, losing that dumb old library
book is going to cost me $3, plus a note

of apology, which I would like to write with my pen.

Now, where is it?

Look at this.

Laying on the grass all night long.

My fountain pen?

No, my glove.

I spent a week rubbing it with Neatsfoot
oil just to make the pocket right.

Now, look at it.

This is it.

This is it.

Hold it a minute, Mike.

Robbie, do you... Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Are you using some kind of new hair oil or
are you turning prematurely gray?

Ask him.

I pick up my comb the next thing I know
I've got cream cheese or something in my hair.

It's not cream cheese.

It's plaster of Paris.

I was in a hurry, so I didn't...

Plaster of Paris.

I borrowed it to make the groove marks on
my map for geography.

I guess I forgot to wash it out.

Chip, of all the... Look at this.

Soaked.

Well, by the time it dries, it'll be stiffer than a board.

Yeah, you said it.

Listen, if this stuff doesn't wash out,
I'm going to knock your...

Hey, you guys, fight in the Civil w*r later on.

You're all going to be late.

And Steve, Chip's going to have to have a
note about that book he lost.

Yeah, I know, Bub.

I'm writing it right now.

And I wonder if you're going to have any
junk for that rummage sale.

There's a lady going to drop by today to pick it up.

Well, there'll be plenty of things up in the attic.

Marcel, you better change that hair.

Earlier years, this has commenced to look
like plaster of Paris.

No kidding.

That's right, Mike.

You better go upstairs and soak your head
in hot water before it hardens.

Well, I'll rub it in with Neath-Food-O,
but I'll bet you it cracks wide open.

Mike's head?

Oh, Steve, here's your fountain pen.

I found it in the refrigerator.

Oh, you found it in the refrigerator?

How in the world would...

Never mind, Bub.

Well, I'm not going to ask you why you put it in there.

Oh, for Pete's sake, it doesn't even write.

Looks like there's water in it.

What do you mean, oh?

It's lemon juice.

Lemon juice?

Chip, why in the world would you put lemon
juice in my fountain pen?

Well, it's for writing invisible messages.

Say you wrote my teacher.

Well, she wouldn't be able to read it.

Not unless she held it up to a candle.

Chip, I'm tired of having a light-fingered
Louie around this house.

Who?

You've got to learn to respect other people's property.

Here's your note.

I'm going to teach you one way or another not to go
around picking up things that belong to other people.

Gosh, Dad.

Now listen to me, Chip.

If you touch one more thing that belongs
to somebody else, just one more thing,

mind you, I'm going to ground you for a whole month.

And besides that, you'll get a spanking
that you won't forget.

Goodbye.

I.

Wouldn't mind a spanking so much, but if I
get grounded, I'll miss my overnight camp out.

Yeah, well, you just better keep your
fingers off other people's things.

This is the most important night of my life.

I'm getting the Cub Scout Neatness Award,
which means I get four arrow points,

and I get to light the campfire.

Yeah, so just watch your step, will you?

But what if I touch something by mistake?

Hey, Rob, you want a lift?

Yeah.

Mike?

Me too?

We're going the other way.

What?

You leaving that?

Uh-uh.

I could smash the windowpane and sh**t them.

No, maybe you better not.

Bub wouldn't mind if we shot some clunky
girls, but he might get mad about the windowpane.

They ought to pick on people their own size.

Heck, that Darlene weighs 10 pounds more than me.

Oh, forget them.

We're here on Cub Scout official business.

You go get the sleeping bag.

It's in the hall closet.

And I'll get my new mask.

It's in the kitchen.

Come on.

There's no sleeping bag.

There's no sleeping bag in here.

Just an old bird cage and some pillows and a...

She's got a frying pan and everything.

Well, so long.

I gotta go.

Go?

You just came.

Yeah, but I just remembered I gotta go.

By the way, there's a tiger in your hall closet.

Huh?

Oh, boy, did Bub bring the g*n here?

Well, so long.

Don't be a clunk.

It's only a dead old skin.

I just remembered I don't have to go until later.

What is he doing in the closet?

Hey, we can play hunter and I can sh**t it.

It's already been shot.

That's the biggest tiger that ever got shot.

The jungle, Bub said.

Oh, yeah?

I bet it's not even real.

I bet it's plastic or instant tiger or something.

Oh, yeah, that thing's got the sharpest teeth.

Prove it.

No, we can't touch it.

Huh?

You want me to miss the biggest night of my life?

If I touch anything, wham, I won't be
there to light the campfire.

Oh, you just don't want me to see it close
on account of it's a fake.

It's not fake.

Oh, no, look at those phony teeth.

Oh, yeah, you just feel them.

No!

Hey!

No!

There, you see, tr*mp, he's always been afraid of it.

So that proves it's real, because tr*mp's
got a stink about wild animals.

I got it in the head!

No, you didn't, he's still chasing them!

I'll get you!

Chip, get that, will ya?

And he's free!

Hello?

Wow, Cheryl!

Bye!

Hey, Susie, that was your mom.

She says to tell you that the tent was delivered.

Hey, let's go set it up!

I'm TV Land's ultimate fan Spreading TV
joy across the land I won the contest And

now I serve the nation Choosing shows for
your appreciation It's not Paul's Ultimate.

Fan Hour Paul's Ultimate Fan Hour Paul's
Ultimate Fan Hour Catch Paul every Friday afternoon.

Battery in the World.

Oh, hi, come in.

Hi, you got some stuff for the church room, you say?

It's right here in the closet, come on.

Here's a solid.

Platinum bird, kid.

Here's a dandy.

And a couple of nice fellas.

We'll send you a bird when we get one.

Oh, thank you.

All right.

Hey, wait a minute.

Now, what are you doing out here as if I didn't know?

Oh, kid.

Here you are, my grandson's been out on a tiger hunt.

There.

Thanks.

Goodbye, tiger, tiger.

You're welcome.

Be a good boy now.

You can come out now, tr*mp.

Old Sabretooth is gone.

Sudsy.

Time to go, dear.

We have to help at the church sale unloading things.

I'm sure Chip will excuse you.

Oh, sure.

I have to leave anyway.

Oh, no.

Something the matter, dear?

He left a tiger in the living room.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Chip, this is me.

All I want to say is, yours isn't much of a tiger.

Listen, Sudsy, I can't talk to you right now.

The one they have right here at the church
sale is three times as big.

Which one's bigger?

The tiger that they have right here for sale at the church.

My tiger's at the church?

Are you kidding?

This is a real fierce one.

Boy, does it make Bubs look sick.

You mean they have a tiger to buy at the sale?

I would have got it only cost $4,
and my mother said it wasn't worth it even

if they threw him the moss for free,
so I bet yours isn't worth 50 cents.

Oh, miss.

Oh, excuse me.

May I buy this, please?

This tiger skin rug?

Oh, all the boys love that.

How much is it?

$4, dear.

$4?

Gosh, I thought maybe it got reduced or something.

Susie says my grandfather's one is only worth 50 cents, and

this one's only about 10 cents
bigger, except maybe the tail.

What does that mean?

So could I please pay you 30 cents for now
and give you the rest in installment?

I'm afraid not.

I'm afraid not, dear.

We can't sell except for cash.

Oh, this is cash.

Four nickels and a dime.

I'm afraid not, dear.

I get my allowance of 25 cents tomorrow.

There's some nice toys here for under a dollar.

Maybe you could find a nice rubber ball.

Four dollars.

She isn't that much bigger.

I had to pay $1.75 each for these dance tickets.

So now I don't have any money left to buy
Gloria or Corsage.

Well, we got some den lines going up by the garage, Mike.

Come on, Rob, all I need is a buck.

From me?

I'm flat, Mike.

Ask Chip, he's the family banker.

Hey, what do you think you're doing?

I'm looking for some money I thought I had.

Okay, look, but keep your junk on your own
side of the room.

Brother.

Chip, you don't happen to have a couple of
bucks set aside for a rainy day?

Boy, this is the rainiest day you ever saw.

You think you've got problems?

You ought to have a girl expecting a corsage.

Boy, the most important night of my life,
and where will I be?

Prisoner.

What are you talking about?

I need help.

The tiger's disappeared.

And I'll get blamed.

I get blamed for everything.

What tiger?

All he means is that old moth eating skin in the attic.

I was looking for some money to buy a
tiger at the rummage sale that Sudsy sold,

and phoned me it was bigger.

Well, why don't you try to remember where
you put our tiger?

Well, Sudsy and I were looking at it, and now it's gone.

But you guys hid it so I couldn't go on the camp
out, and now I won't be able to light that campfire.

And brothers are supposed to be fair,
and I'm probably adopted.

The kid slipped.

He slipped?

Well, it's his own fault.

Dad warned him.

Yeah.

Well, there goes his Cub Scout camp out.

Yeah, doesn't look like he's going to get
to light that fire.

He'll probably get a good spanking.

He's got it coming to him, though.

Yeah, unless he could buy that other tiger
rug, which he can't.

Anyway, who cares?

Yeah, let him stew in his own gravy.

Hey, are you going after him?

No, what for?

Well, I just thought that maybe...

Yeah, what for?

It's his problem.

We've got our own troubles.

I hope that dumb kid appreciates us
getting this tiger back.

Hey, Ron, this telegram's for you.

No kidding?

Let's see.

Luce, listen.

Listen.

Heading north, sending this from Jet Stop over New Orleans.

Father bringing family to North America.

Forgive me.

Forgive me?

It was not my picture I sent.

I am 15.

Luce is 15 years old.

The picture I sent you was of my older sister, Maria.

See you soon, dear Robbie.

Luce, how about that?

Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute.

That 15-year-old girl expects to see me.

Yeah, I forgot.

Well, I'm not getting stuck with any


Hey, maybe I could borrow your Air Force uniform.

You may not.

Look, I did what I could for Chip's
problem, but this one's on you.

Lose weight free.

Free, 24 hours a day, to Memorial,
on the Mall in Washington, D.C.

Hear what parents can do to give your
child the hooked-on phonics head start.

Get the things you'll need for your camp out here.

Cubmaster gave me a list of the stuff you'll need.

Toothbrush?

That Cubmaster of yours is a dreamer, ain't he?

Let's get the upstairs stuff.

We can get the closet stuff.

Some other time.

Now, wait a minute.

There's a flashlight in this closet right
here, and we'll get it right now.

No!

What do you mean, no?

Well, there's nothing here except stuff.

It's on the top shelf.

No, it isn't.

I took it.

I mean, I didn't take it.

I mean, I took it before Dad says I couldn't take things.

Oh, Chip, you don't know what you mean.

Now, you run upstairs and get your
toothbrush, and I'll take care of things down here.

Okay, but don't look in the closet till I get back.

And not then, either.

And bring an extra sweater.

Will you get out of my way?

Hi, Bub.

Steve.

Hmm?

What does this look like to you?

Well, it looks like your old tiger skin
rug, complete with moth holes.

Well, then how come it turned into a homing pigeon?

Hoping pigeon?

Homing pigeon.

It cost me something important.

A radiator cap.

Who needs girls?

Me.

All right, fellas.

All right, now, Dad, you just get home?

Yes, and so did another old member of the family.

About four hours ago, Bub gave our old
tiger skin rug to the church sale,

and it ended up back here in the whole closet downstairs.

Now, can either one or both of you tell me
how that happened?

That was our tiger?

You mean Bub gave it to the sale?

Oh, swell.

For that, I gave up Gloria.

Gloria?

What about my radiator cap?

Now, wait.

If those are answers, would you mind translating for me?

Well, Chip was messing around with it, Roger.

Oh, that's one at a time, huh?

Huh?

Mike, you're the older.

Well, Chip was playing around with the
tiger and left it on the floor.

And when he got back, it was gone.

I guess to the church sale.

But anyway, he got shook up and thought he lost it.

Which meant goodbye camp out.

Yeah, and a spanking.

You mean you fellas went to that church
sale and bought back that old...

I gotta get my sweater.

Oh, yeah.

Come here a minute, Chip.

We're having a very interesting discussion
about a tiger skin rug.

They tell you?

Yes, they told me.

Thanks a lot.

Hey, wait a minute.

Come back here.

Doesn't he know?

Well, I'll wait till you guys get in trouble.

Now, just hold it a minute, Chipper.

Well, if you blushing violets won't speak
up, I'll tell him.

Chip, your two brothers went to the church
sale and bought back that old tiger skin

rug to get you out of trouble because they
thought you were in a jam.

Huh?

And I gather Robbie sold his radiator cap
to get some of the money, right?

We needed four dollars.

Mike had to take back the dance tickets
that he bought for him.

Him and Gloria.

Huh?

Was that all you have to say, Chip?

Why'd you do it?

Boy, you made such a big noise about
wanting to go to that camp out.

Yeah, we figured it was as good a way as
any to get you out of the house for a while.

Yeah.

Dad, you gonna let him go to the camp out?

Well, Rob, you know the deal.

Oh, come on, Dad.

Give him a break.

Yeah, it's only that young once.

Okay.

Don't you have anything to say, Chip?

Oh, come on, now.

All you have to do is say thanks.

One simple, one-syllable word.

Oh, Chip.

Oh, that's all right, Dad.

But, Dad, a kid feels things, but
sometimes he can't say them.

Yeah.

Well, I think Mike and Robbie get the message, huh?

Sure, yeah.

Well, Chipper, you're the proud owner now
of a $4 moth-eaten tiger skin rug.

What are you going to do with it?

Hang up on the wall here?

No, I'd better put him in the closet.

tr*mp gets scared of him.

Well, I wouldn't worry about tr*mp.

You know something, Chipper?

That old tiger skin rug is about the nicest
present you'll ever get in your whole life.

Hey, g*ng, quick!

Come down here if you want to see something.

Hurry up!

Well, what now?

What's happening, Bub?

What's the matter, Bub?

What's up?

Looks like tr*mp's found himself a new friend.

Hi.

You're Luz.

No, you're not.

You're Maria.

Robbie.

Oh, Robbie, I would have known you anywhere.

Uh, well, I would have known you too, Maria.

Luz, show me your picture.

I decided you were much too old for her,
but just the right age for me.

Yes.

Uh, that's my little brother, Mike.

See?

Hello, Mike.

Robbie, since you have a little brother,
perhaps you can understand.

I apologize for the foolish behavior of my
little sister, Luz.

Oh, well, I, uh, I understand.

But it, uh, it seems to have worked out just fine.

Uh, how long are you going to be in town?

Alas, just five hours between planes.

Well, I have a couple of hours before I
have to check in at the air base.

Dinner?

Oh, I would love it.

Great.

Great.

Your little brother, he's very cute.

Oh, cute, yes.

Impressive.

No.

Stay tuned for another episode of My Three Sons.

As this twice as nice morning continues here on TV Land.

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