03x04 - Moment of Truth

[bunniefuu]

We'll be right.

Back.

Well, I suppose someone's already asked you, but I sure
would like to take you and all if no brother has asked you.

Why, Michael, aren't you the greatest?

Oh, but what complicates it, Ted Keehan did ask me first.

Oh.

Only I doubt if his basketball knee will
be in any condition for heavy dancing.

Oh.

And then there's Roger McClain.

Oh.

But there's a possibility that he'll fly
to Chicago to see his sick mother.

And in that case, I'd adore going with you, Michael.

That is, of course, if you don't mind waiting.

Until the very last minute.

Oh, no, no.

That'd be swell.

Well, gee, then I'll be waiting to hear from you.

Fine, Michael.

Fine.

So long.

Well, so what's with you guys?

Gee, Sue Ellen, you sure are looking great.

Well, that'll be swell, Sue Ellen.

Gosh, I'll be waiting to hear from you.

Mike, you act like she's doing you a favor
to come to our dance.

You're offering her a six again key to paradise.

A girl should faint with pride.

Um, six burgers dry, hold the trimmings, plate of
chili and a dog, four burgers, two to go, with everything.

Working.

Hey, what happened to the...

Suppose Ted's watering, he does dehydrate in time.

Or Roger's mother's okay.

You're gonna be left high and dry.

Look, don't worry about me.

She walks in beauty like the night.

Covered with ketchup and piccadilly.

How are you guys having besides Big Joe?

Champagne for everyone.

The best your innkeeper has to offer.

Jackie, bring us another crate of lettuce
from out front, will you?

Okay, Papa.

Be right back.

Try to read the menus without moving your lips.

By the way, pleased to meet you.

Hi, I'm Mike Douglas.

I guess those two clowns told you who I was.

They put you up to asking for a drink.

Do you have a date?

I'm able to get my own ideas.

Like, uh, how do you like foreign movies?

I love them.

As long as they have Bridget Bardot in them.

Well, there's a Bardot playing at the drive-in.

I'm kind of peculiar.

I go to the drive-in to see the movie.

Okay.

But don't knock the popcorn.

That's also an attraction.

Jackie, where's some hamburger buns?

Coming right up.

Pop.

I'm through by 7.30.



Well, this little Sir Gowan had.

Well, my dad always says it pays off to
act like a gentleman.

I have a date with Jackie.

You?

You got a date with Jackie Acton?

Mm-hmm.

The rabbit has tiger blood.

How did you do it?

She wouldn't give me the time of day.

And her father, he taught her a left jab that's m*rder.

But the kid waits for him to get up.

And when he does, he covers good so the
kid can't use his right.

But he keeps it c*ck, just like a meat keeper,
waiting and waiting for an opening, see?

Then around the fourth round...

Excuse me.

Hey, in there, how long are you going to
keep this kid waiting?

Out here.

And don't go trying to sneak out until
you're all through...

Cleaning the coffee urn, meat grinder,
pie case, refilling with salt,

pepper, sugar, mustard, ketchup,
napkin containers, and soap, you say?

You better be in by two.

It's your turn to open up in the morning.

We're just going to a movie, Pop.

And, Pow, he gives this big bum a belt right in the button.

Oh, uh, good night, sir.

See, I could have sat through that movie all over again.

The way she looked at him.

The way you looked at her.

Well.

Gee, if I fall in love like Bridget did,
I'd never be such a fool.

I mean, imagine leaving home for a
no-good-Nick like that sailor.

And that Chinese dress she's dancing.

Well, that's what I call wild.

Boy, I'll say.

In a drive-in, when you hear all the auto
horns at one time, that's like, take a bow.

What are you studying in college?

Oh, my major's psychology.

Oh.

Is it true that psychiatrists charge $25 an hour?

Why?

Is something bugging you?

Well, Sue Ellen Chase and her girlfriends
were talking about whether to wear their

champagne satin off-the-shoulder smash or
their gold lamé to some dance Saturday,

and I got so jealous, I put my thumb
through a cheeseburger.

You should worry.

What they wouldn't give to look like you.

I wonder if they appreciate their advantages.

Knowing how to talk, where to go, what to do.

You're not letting it bother you just
because they're going to a fraternity dance.

Bother me?

Not a bit.

Well, look, you'll be going to all those dances someday.

How could I get to college?

I just barely got to high school.

Well, you don't have to go to college.

You know something?

You're going to go to that dance Saturday with me.

You're kidding.

I mean it.

Would you do me the honor?

There seems to be an echo around here.

Well, I'm surprised at you, Mike.

Hamburger.

Stand girl to a drive-in is one thing.

But bringing her here to our dance, I don't know.

Marty, she'll make the campus females look sick.

Yeah, she'll make the fraternity look even sicker.

And to think you could be taking Sue Ellen Chase.

Sue Ellen?

Sure, Sue Ellen phoned you and I talked to her.

She could go?

Ted's knee is still out of commission and
Roger flew to Chicago.

She's yours for the asking.

There must be a way.

There's got to be a way.

Steve, I know you've got plenty of problems of
your own, but you better start moving in on Mike.

When a 19-year-old starts getting careless
about hurting a girl's feelings...

But I thought Jackie was the number one girl.

Oh, but that was yesterday, before he
started thinking about she ain't quality folk.

Oh, well, it's just too bad.

He's already invited her.

Hello.

Yes, this is the Douglas residence.

Yes, this is Mike's father.

Was that so?

She isn't, then?

Oh, I'm sure you have Mike's interests at heart.

Thank you for calling.

Well, that was one of Mike's feminine
friends who just had to call and warn us

that he was taking a girl to the prom who
isn't good enough for him.

Well, isn't that thoughtful of him?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Where is his royal highness now?

I believe he's reclining upstairs.

Don't worry about it, Mike.

I'll just call Jackie on the phone and,
well, I'll think of something.

No, never mind, Rob.

I better see her face to face and tell her.

Okay, but a good excuse is much more civilized.

Like a maybe Bub's got the bubonic plague or something.

Try and make it the 24-hour variety, will you?

Look out, Edgar.

Look, Robbie.

You stay out of this, do you understand?

Okay.

I was just trying to help Mike out, though.

Just stay out of it.

Hey, Valentino, that Randall Tuck's outfit
phone that said they couldn't have your

suit ready till about an hour before the dance.

Oh, swell.

That doesn't even give me time for a fitting.

What if the pants are too long or the
sleeves are too short?

Well, can't you stoop a little?

Thanks for the shirt, Bub.

I'll see you in about an hour.

Mike, a so-called friend of yours called a few minutes ago.

Yeah, a lady knife thrower.

She wanted to tell us that it would be a
disaster if you took Jackie to the dance.

Oh, did she have kind of a cute little whiny voice?

Whiny is the word for it.

Sue Ellen.

Oh, you see that Roger McClain's on his way to
Chicago and Ted Keenan's knee's out of commission.

Are you getting any part of this?

I think so.

Sue Ellen is available, so he's unloading Jackie.

Well, Marty says the dance would be embarrassing to Jackie.

She'd be pressing.

It'd get worse and worse.

Mike, isn't it a little late to think about that?

Well, it'd be a miserable evening for her, Dad.

She'd never forget she was from across the tracks.

They were torn up 20 years ago.

How do you think a gentleman would act in this situation?

Well, I think a gentleman would consider all the
angles and then spare Jackie an embarrassing evening.

Makes me misty-eyed the way you're
protecting Jackie by taking Sue Ellen to the dance.

All right, I've got my college career to worry about.

Jackie doesn't.

I'm on campus.

She's not.

Mike, so two people think you shouldn't
take her to the dance.

Marty and Sue Ellen.

They're not the only ones.

Somebody sent me this bouquet.

Well, maybe Mike doesn't need any outside help
to be a snob, but he's certainly getting it, isn't he?

Don't throw it away, Steve.

We'll have salad for dinner.

He's just a little tired, bud.

Then in the night, this punchy redneck
miner crawls off the canvas and pow, pow, pow!

Evening, Mr. Acton.

He'd start flying around ringside like confetti.

I tell you, you never saw nothing like it in all your days.

Excuse me, Jackie, your dad said it was okay.

Oh, Mike, come on in.

Please sit down.

I dropped by because something important's come up.

Gee, Mike, I've got to help you.

I have your advice.

Can you stand blue lace?

Well, it looks fine.

I'm no authority.

Well, this one really is my favorite, but the scenes are
kind of shot since I won first prize in the twist contest.

How about that?

My wardrobe's a little meager, I'm afraid.

Daddy planned on taking me to Paris.

However, we just couldn't tear ourselves
away during the chilly season.

Well, either one is pretty.

But, uh, Jackie, what I wanted to talk to you about... Of
course, if May Chan would let me borrow her new John Sam.

Gee, Mike, I can't tell you how much this
dance means to me.

Even if I don't go out again for a whole
year, it'll be worth it.

And I'd only want to go with just you, Mike.

It's, uh, that important, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Gee, I hope you like off-a-length gloves.

My mom did.

These were hers, but hardly worn.

They're the greatest.

Now I'll shut up so you can tell me that important thing.

I just dropped in to see if you were okay.

Oh, I'm okay.

When you come by in your pumpkin coat,
Coach, I'll be all ready to do the Cinderella bit.

Okay, Princess.

Pow!

Pow!

Good night.

Well, home safe from the perils of Lower Slobovia.

I imagine that'll be Sue Ellen.

She's been calling to find out what time
you're picking her up tonight.

I'm taking Jackie.

Oh, that's fine, Mike.

Big gamble, though.

Jackie?

No, that stupid tailor.

I'm running the tux on faith.

No time for a fitting.

Well, now, don't worry, Sheik.

We'll baste everything that's loose.

Look sharp for Jackie, you know.

Right.

Bob!

Bob!

What's the matter?

Disaster.

Oh, the coat's all right, but the pants are
too big in the waist and they're miles too long.

Well, just take them off and give them to me.

I'll fix them.

Well, can you hurry?

I picked up Jackie on the way.

She's waiting in the car.

You left her out there waiting in the car?

Yeah, she's all right, Dad.

Robbie, would you go out and ask Jackie to come in?

She can wait in here.

Oh, no.

I don't see why, Dad.

She doesn't mind waiting out there, and Bob will
just be a couple of minutes with the pants, won't you?

Mike, I think maybe you'd better wait upstairs, don't you?

Well, why?

He left her waiting in the car.

Yeah.

And you thought gallantry was dead.

I don't see why everybody's so excited.

It's just another girl.

Hi.

Well, good evening, Jackie.

I want you to come in.

Thank you.

I'm Mike Fox.

How do you do?

And this is his grandfather.

Hello.

Mr. Chip, and I... How do you do?

I guess you've met Robbie.

Yes.

Well, I left my sewing basket in the kitchen, Robbie, Chip.

Come in.

Won't you sit down?

Oh, thank you, Mr. Douglas.

That's quite an unusual...

It's a very unusual dress you're wearing.

It's called a Chan Sam.

I was lucky enough to borrow it from Mrs. Chan.

My peach taffeta came apart.

Well, I could see how that could happen.

Could I get you a soft drink or something?

Oh, thank you.

I'll never get too ribbed and poor old Mike.

Poor old Mike can survive it.

Maybe Shanghai Lil' can.

Robbie, would you pour a soft drink for Jackie?

Bub, we have to get another dress for her somehow.

Maybe we can borrow one.

Now, look, you're the costume expert, and you
see all the neighbor ladies in the supermarket.

Which one of them would you say wears the
same size dress as Jackie?

Well, now, let me see.

There's Mrs. Dowling.

No, she's a little bucks a fly.

See?

Mildred Holmeyer is close.

Well, I'll tell you.

Nell Clackworthy.

She's perfect.

They live three doors north of here.

Yeah, I know.

And they borrowed our lawnmower.

Why, but she'll just lend us a dress they
can keep the lawnmower.

All we have to do is think of some way to
get Jackie out of that dress.

Well, why don't you just tell her the dress looks awful?

Oh, you can't do that, Rob.

Never mind, Steve.

I'll handle it.

Okay.

Robbie.

This will pick you up, Jackie.

A nice, tall, cool one.

I'm sorry.

What am I going to do?

It's all my fault.

I did it, so come on upstairs.

I'll take care of it.

Come on.

I'm so sorry.

This is...

Mr. O'Casey.

We're in here, honey.

We're in here.

Gee, what am I going to tell Mrs. Chan?

Oh, now, don't you worry about that, Jackie.

We'll send it out to the cleaners and
it'll come back as good as new.

And what have you done with my orchid?

You know, Mike gave it to me so I could
wear it in my hair like Bridget Bardot.

Well, I put it on your back like this, Jackie.

That's the way Jackie Kennedy wears it.

Doesn't that look nice?

Yes, but there's nothing left of me.

I don't choose to worry about a thing, honey.

You sit right down here and relax.

And Mother O'Casey will take charge.

I thought you looked better in the other office.

Excuse me a second.

Actually.

Kissing Jackie Acton.

And she didn't.

Act.

Yourself like a gentleman.

And, uh,

and man, did it pay off.

And, uh, what was Marty and Duke's reaction?

Well, at first they thought it was kind of a square.

Approach, but they were pretty impressed last night.

Hello?

Who is it?

It's me.

Just bringing back the glass slippers.

Well, come in.

Come in.

Come on, Jackson.

Come on, Jackson.

Let me take the dresser.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, thank you.

Well, you're just in time.

Have you had breakfast?

No, Mr. Douglas.

Come on, sit down.

I've got a little bit of fish for you.

Sit down.

There.

If I live to be a hundred, there will
never be another night.

I used to say that, Jackie, until I reached a hundred.

Would you like some pancakes, Jackie?

Oh, thank you, Chip.

Well, being a gentleman may be square,
but it does get results.

Now, listen, Buster.

I take care of the pancake orders around this house.

Stay tuned for another episode of My Three Sons as
this twice as nice morning continues here on TV Land.