08x12 - Broadway It's Not

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Oh,

where is Howard?

He'll be here in a second.

We're just out running, you know me.

I like to sprint the last part.

Well, I just don't know about this running.

Howard hasn't exercised in years.

He could hurt himself.

Don't worry.

I have him on a very sensible plan.

I took his age and his weight into consideration.

Well, I think this is something he can handle.

Marion!

Marion!

Upstairs!

My will!

Take Roger out of it!

Howard, you can't just sit down after training.

Let's go, you'll tighten up.

A quick ten.

Come on.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

Life stinks!

You're telling me.

How was school today, dear?

Oh, Mom, it was the worst day of my whole entire life.

Did you get a pimple?

What?

I mean, what?

What happened?

Oh, Mom, they canceled the school musical.

Oh, no.

Just because our faculty advisor slipped
on chow mein and broke both his legs.

I know, they asked me to be the director, but every one
of the rehearsals coincides with the basketball practice.

Oh, I was gonna be a star, and I was gonna
get to play opposite Grand Bill Clark.

Oh, now, he, he's a professional.

He's had his teeth capped.

No.

At least I'm too broke.

I'm commercial, so... He didn't.

We'll cream a little dab, we'll do... Yeah, yeah.

Oh, and now the whole musical's canceled
because not one teacher will take over.

Now you're mad at me?

No, you're not the one I'm mad at.

Hey, there's my favorite guy.

It's him.

That's the one I'm mad at.

Well, who?

You're still mad at me about this play thing?

Come on, Fondre, on the faculty, you can be the director.

What do I know about being a director?

I need you.

Hey, so does everybody else.

Director.

Why am I so good?

All right, listen up, you thespians, you cutie pies.

I'm your new director.

All eyes and ears on me, understand?

All right, let's get some art going here.

Why don't you find your appointed spots?

Okay.

All right?

Yeah.

Start your motors.

Don't fret none, Virginia.

Long as I'm sheriff of La Grange,
ain't nobody going to sh**t up this town.

Oh, Tex, you're my hero.

Kiss me.

At last.

This scene is very boring.

Holy, holy, holy.

You need more than just a kiss in this scene, you know?

I beg your pardon.

I'm not joking.

I wasn't talking about that.

I was talking about sparkle.

I was talking about, you know.

Are you that guy from that blue cream commercial?

Yes.

Well, you're going to do better for us here, right?

All right.

All right.

All right, look.

I got an idea.

I got an idea.

Right after that kiss, okay, you're going
to whip off your hat.

You're going to say, Yahoo.

Yahoo.

Didn't I just say that?

Yeah, I thought so.

You find it in your final westerns, you know.

Yahoo.

Come on, you're tall.

Stand up straight.

Don't be afraid.

Yeah, that's good.

Don't be shy.

All right, here we go.

From the tippy-tippy top.

Try it.

Come on, Chachi.

I'm all sweaty.

Let's take a shower and go home.

Look, I told Joanie I'd stop by.

She wants to show me off to her family.

Theater friends.

You know how it is.

No?

Oh.

Don't fret none, Virginia.

Long as I'm Sheriff LaGrange, ain't nobody
gonna sh**t up this time.

Yo, my hero, Tex, kiss me.

At last.

Yahoo!

She sure has a strange way of showing you off.

That's just part of the play.

Yeah?

That's better than most of my dates.

She's only acting.

Oh, yeah.

And the whole time that she was kissing him,
she was probably thinking, I'm thinking about you.

Well, at least I have a girlfriend he can kiss.

All right.

I'll see you tomorrow at 3.30, all right?

Am I doing all right, Granville?

Oh, Joanie, you've got a few little rough
edges, but I think you'll iron them out.

You'll be just fine.

Oh, I'll practice more.

I'll get better.

Hey, we can rehearse any time, day or night.

I'll even sacrifice my social life.

That's the attitude.

You're a real pro.

Thanks.

See you tomorrow.

Okay, bye.

Hey, hi, Granville.

Nice to meet you.

Nice show.

Well, look who graces the presence of our stage.

It's Chachi Arcola, Jefferson High's big basketball star.

What, do you sleep with that, too?

I think fast.

Mature, Arcola, very mature.

That's right.

Hey, tell me something.

All that kissing you and Joanie do, is it really necessary?

Yeah, and besides, I enjoy it.

Is that right?

Yeah, you see, when I do a part,
I like to live and breathe it.

I find it's best if my leading ladies fall in love with me.

Lends authenticity in my performance,
if you know what I mean.

Hey, look, pal, Joanie's only doing this thing for fun.

She's not like your other leading ladies,
if you know what I mean.

You see, Joanie just needs a little more,
shall we say, rehearsing?

Yeah.

Joanie, what are you doing tonight?

Uh, I have a date with Chachi.

See?

Break it.

Rehearsal at my place at 8.

Uh, oh, okay, Chachi will understand.

See?

He's upset about Joanie in the play.

Let's just go to sleep.

If he's still here in the morning, you can talk to him.

Tomorrow night, I'm going over to his
house and bounce my basketball.

Don't be silly, Howard.

You don't have a basketball.

I'm gonna buy one, Mary.

Randall, I've learned so much about
projecting in just one evening.

I really admire you.

Well, I can't say that I blame you.

Good night.

Good night.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah, you're a real pro.

Oh.

See you tomorrow.

Bye.

Do you know what time it is?

No, you probably don't, so I'll tell you.

It is 12.32.

What's it doing here?

Waiting for you.

Did you forget where you live?

Oh.

Where are my parents?

They went to bed.

They went to bed and you stayed here?

You got it.

Have you lost your mind?

I got something to say.

I've thought about this all night,
and God knows I had all night.

I don't like this business with you and the play.

Guys are making fun of me in school.

Everybody is talking about it.

That's it.

It's over.

You are out of the play.

I love you.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Oh.

Wait one minute.

Bucko.

Who do you think you are?

I am not quitting the play.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, you got some nerve waiting
around here, and then tell me what to do.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll give you yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh.

It's 1235.

Oh.

Now, look.

It's either me or the play.

Now, take a pick.

Well, if you're going to threaten me, I'll take the play.

Oh, just like that.

You'll take the play.

I'll take the play.

I'll take the play.

Well, I got nothing left to say.

So long, toots.

All right.

All right.

I'll give you one more chance.

One more chance.

Forget it.

Fine.

Let me tell you something, honey.

This is going to be the saddest day of your entire life.

Shut up down there.

I got a date upstairs.

She works very hard driving a truck called,
and you know how hard it is to shift a diesel?

Now, what is the ruckus?

Ah, Fonz, it was nothing.

Joanie and I were just saying goodbye forever.

What are you talking about?

On account of that stupid play.

The play.

That's all I hear about is that play.

It's driving me crazy.

I'm rewriting.

I'm directing.

Then why don't you quit?

You know, maybe I should do that.

You should, Fonz.

You don't realize it, but they're taking
advantage of you down there.

They might be taking advantage of me, right?

Listen, Fonz, the kids should be home
studying or playing basketball or something.

Fonz, the play is dumb.

As a matter of fact, the entire drama club is dumb.

Can't do it.

Can't do it.

I made a promise.

I can't leave that play.

Fonz, can I be in it?

Are you crazy?

You just told me the whole thing was dumb.

They're taking advantage of me
and now you want to be... What?

What?

The ugly head of jealousy.

Oh, sh*t.

Of course not.

Of course not.

Look, if you could just give me a small part in the
play, anything, just so I can keep my eye on her.

Which one?

The green one?

Yeah.

All right, I'll tell you something.

A part came up this afternoon.

It's only one line.

Yeah, fine, anything.

You'll concentrate?

Yeah.



I'll be there, Fonz.

All right, you got it.

Thanks a lot.

Don't mention it.

I'll tell you something, Chachi.

That jealousy is very cute.

Just keep down the noise, will you?

So where is it?

Where is the music at?

The briefcase is safe in my custody.

Good.

Now bring it to me immediately.

Hi-ya.

MTV2.

I should have known.

You'll never get away with this, Shearer.

I believe I already have.

MTV2.

Where the music's at!

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It's a beautiful morning.

I don't want to go surfing.

And I'm not looking to sail around the world.

All I want is to get out here early and
surprise a few clams.

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You've got to try this.

Does she have any teeth?

Steve, enough already, you big freak.

You do this every time.

Sorry.

I work for Cook's Ham.

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Made with hickory, honey, sugar, and passion.

Lots and lots of passion.

Always good to the bone.

Now look I'm going to be a machete with my
name on it, right?

Okay, you think I got it now?

All right, let's take it from the tippy tippy top.

You must do something, Tex.

They'll fix them to sh**t up the town.

Don't fret none, Virginia.

Long as I'm Sheriff Lagrange, ain't nobody
going to sh**t up this town.

Georgey?

Georgey?

Oh, um, uh, they're going to mess up your, uh, uh, state.

Uh, Nick, I forgot, I'm sorry.

I don't believe this, Fonz.

Joanie, can I see you for a minute?

Yeah.

It's his first day, we're going to give
him a break, all right?

I love you, it's all right, don't worry about it.

Chachi, can I see you for a minute?

Will you stop looking at them and
concentrate on your minds, all right?

Okay, okay.

Get back there, you promised me.

I will.

What about this beard, huh?

The mustache is below your neck.

All right, Jenny, feed him a line.

Oh, it's a real toughie.

They're going to mess up your town bad.

Town, town, I got it.

You must do something, Tex.

They'll fix him to sh**t up that town.

Don't fret none, Virginia.

Long as I'm Sheriff of LaGrange,
ain't nobody going to sh**t up this town.

Stop.

They're going to mess up your town bad.

How was that?

Oh.

You do not say how was that to me, you understand?

You understand that?

You have to act from your guts.

You happen to be like a tree, a wooden, you know that?

All right, Fonz, can I try it again?

No, you can't try it again.

I'm getting bored with this.

All right, let's just jump to an exciting part.

You don't have to fight or something like that, all right?

I can't say my line again?

Yeah, sure, you can practice in a mirror later on.

All right, all right, start your engines.

Let's go.

Don't fret nothing, Virginia.

Ain't nobody gonna sh**t up this town.

Here's what I'm gonna do to him.

Hold my hat.

Yes, darling.

First, I'm gonna pick him up off his feet like this.

Then shake him up a bit like this.

Spin him around a little bit like this.

And throw him through yonder window like this here.

You know that environment for good, Virginia.

Let's do me through a window.

More.

Then I'm gonna throw him in here.

Hey, listen.

You don't have to be so rough about it.

It's only a play.

What's the matter?

Big Jack like you can't take it?

I can take anything you dish out, real cream head.

All right, look.

Hold it, hold it.

That's very lovely.

That's very lovely.

You're acting from your guts now.

You understand?

Before you get crazy, let's take four.

All right?

Let me just cool down.

Chachi, will you learn your line?

Wait, do you have to ruin the play for me and Granville?

Granville?

Oh.

Oh.

Let's get something straight right now, Arcola.

Now you're playing on my court.

Tomorrow night, let's see who scores.

Howard, can you believe it?

Our little Joanie starring in the high school musical.

What's the name of this epic?

Home on LaGrange.

Oh, my God.

I love LaGrange and I'll rearrange.

Oh, any jerk who tries to change.

My home, sweet home, LaGrange.

Don't.

You think you're getting a little excessive?

Hey, that's my little girl up there.

Oh, you're her father.

No, I'm her father.

And I'm her mother.

I remember when I starred in the senior show.

Now, that was a show.

I'm sure you were wonderful.

Hmm, westerns, kid stuff.

We were pirates.

Oh, Granville, you won't believe it.

Somebody filled the horse truck full of
freezing cold water.

I don't know what to do.

Why don't you try keeping your mouth shut?

You did it.

A little surprise for Chachi.

I'll bet you're the one that took the mattress
away from the saloon window, too, huh?

Way ahead of me.

You know, you are a real crumb.

I'm gonna tell Chachi about this.

Come on, stage manager.

Manage the stage.

It's time for you to write I'm sorry places.

They're gonna mess up your town bad.

Nobody but nobody's gonna harm LaGrange, because it's mine.

It's my town.

Chachi.

Oh, is that where it comes in?

They're gonna mess up your town.

Tex, I'm scared.

Not me, Virginia.

Here's what I'm gonna do to him.

Hold my hat.

Town bad.

Yeah.

First, I'm gonna pick him up off his feet,
spin him around like this, shake him up a

little bit, and then throw him through
yonder window like this.

Well, McGrane just rid of that barman for good.

Oh, looks like he's coming back for more.

Then I'm gonna cool him off with this trough like this.

You're my hero, Tex.

Kiss me.

What are you doing?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

You have to go to the nurse's office.

But, Fonz, the show's not over yet.

Hey, you want a bit?

Chachi, what did you have to hit him for?

I didn't hit him.

I pushed him.

Then he hit the curtain and the sandbag fell on him.

Fonz, he had it coming.

Sure, he had it coming.

Why couldn't he have had it coming an hour
and a half after the play?

You've completely ruined the show.

This is great, Fonz.

We're gonna go down.

High School History is the senior musical
that sucked turnips.

What do you mean, we?

They don't remember directors.

Well, who will they remember?

You.

Me.

I got one line.

Yeah, you're gonna start playing text.

What?

That's right.

But, Fonz!

Hey, I'm the director, right?

Oh!

Fonz, are you kidding me?

The guy's got a million lines.

And you've got three minutes to remember
them all and dry yourself off completely.

No, Fonz, listen.

Fonz, Fonz, the guy sings a big love song at the end.

I've never sung in front of anybody in my life.

Don't you give me that now.

Now, I saw you be a choir boy.

Fonz, I never told this to anybody.

I just used to move my lips.

Shame on you.

I am going to mess up this play bad.

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A little very, very major technical difficulty here.

Our star has become suddenly unconscious.

So Chachi Arcola has very graciously said
he's going to do the part.

No way!

Excuse me.

What?

What are you guys doing?

I'm your cousin, mate.

Is that what you're saying?

Chachi Arcola said that?

Chachi Arcola said that he was going to do
the part, and if anything goes wrong, it's his fault.

Thank you very much, and may the play commence.

Tex, I'm so proud of the way you saved our
town, all without raising a finger.

Those outlaws just kept on riding.

They knew how big a man you are.

Virginia, let's forget all that for a minute.

I've been fixing to tell you something,
kind of been on my mind.

Well, what is it, Tex?

Don't be shy.

What I'm trying to say, Virginia, is I don't
rightly knows how to say what I'm feeling.

And my hat, I'm going to my heart.

To someone as soft as you, seven and three-eighths.

There's something magic in the way you
hold me in your eyes.

The Fonz, Howard, Marion, Joanie
Cunningham, Chachi Arcola, Potsie Weber,

Arnold's Drive-In, Jefferson High School, automatic laugh
track, live studio audience, sitcom, 1960s, rock and roll.

The Fonz, Howard, Marion, Joanie
Cunningham, Chachi Arcola, Potsie Weber,

Arnold's Drive-In, Jefferson High School, automatic laugh
track, live studio audience, sitcom, 1960s, rock and roll.

The Fonz, Howard, Marion, Joanie Cunningham, Chachi Arcola,

Potsie Weber, Arnold's Drive-In,
Jefferson High School, automatic laugh

track, live studio audience, sitcom, 1960s, rock and roll.

The Fonz, Howard, Marion, Joanie Cunningham, Chachi Arcola,

Potsie Weber, Arnold's Drive-In,
Jefferson High School, automatic laugh

track, live studio audience, sitcom, 1960s, rock and roll.

The Fonz, Howard, Marion, Joanie
Cunningham, Chachi Arcola, Potsie Weber,

Arnold's Drive-In, Jefferson High School, automatic laugh
track, live studio audience, sitcom, 1960s, rock and roll.

The Fonz, Howard, Marion, Joanie
Cunningham, Chachi Arcola, Potsie Weber,

Arnold's Drive-In, Jefferson High School, automatic laugh
track, live studio audience, sitcom, 1960s, rock and roll.