08x15 - Dames, Dogs and Danke

[bunniefuu]

[Kyle] Previously on
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

This is going to be a k*ller collection.

[Dorit] I'm ready to pour my soul

into my new swimwear line.

Straps, packaging,
everything happens here.

[Dorit] The pressure is on

because we're on such a short time frame.

-So this is the first one.
-I can't believe it!

So in the game, it'll animate,

and it will come to life.

-You made me skinny. I love it!
-[laughter]

The dog died on the way
to the vet in Ken's lap.

I should have seen it coming.

How can you predict that?

We just had another incident with Pikachu,

so I had to rush him to the hospital.

My god, right now?

Just slap me.

I might have some Erika Jayne
business in Berlin.

I was thinking we could all go.

I will call your husbands
and possibly give them all blow jobs.

[all] Ah!

I'm out of here!

[bleep] love y'all! Bye!

[upbeat music]

[Kyle] In this town,
fame and money come and go,

but friends should not.

[upbeat music]

[Erika] Some people call me cold,

but that's not ice, it's diamonds.

[upbeat music]

[Dorit] I believe in an excess
of everything

except moderation.

[upbeat music]

[Teddi] Having the best
isn't important to me,

but being my best is.

[upbeat music]

[Lisa R.] I don't have to buy it
'cause I already own it.

[upbeat music]

[Lisa] The queen of diamonds always
has an ace up her sleeve.

[upbeat music]

[lively music]

Hey, Storm, give that back to me.

Storm, give that to me.

Storm, give that to me.

No, no, that is not a toy.

[upbeat music]

No.

Do not steal any more things.

[Kyle] I'm so excited that we finally
closed escrow on our new home

but the hardest part
about leaving this house is,

this is my comfort zone.

I've had bat mitzvahs in this house.

I've had graduations.

-I love you so much, honey.
-I love you too.

It's hard to leave when you've had such

happy memories.

-[Kyle] Portia?
-[Portia] Yeah?

[Kyle] Do you still have boxes
in your room?

I packed my tops.

Your tops.

And some of my sweaters.

Okay, nothing else, though?

No.

My husband's always like,

"Just hire people.

They'll pack up the whole house."

[Kyle] I cannot have movers come in

and go through my things and know

what I need to get rid of,
what's important to me.

I mean, I have to control the situation.

I'm a control freak, okay?

-This is what you packed up?
-I'm not done

with packing my sweaters, Mom!

[Kyle] Portia is the worst.

Every little thing
is her favorite thing in the world.

This is absurd.

-My toys?
-Yeah.

Where'd she get that from?

[Kyle] All my entertaining, my glasses.

-[woman 1] These are all glasses.
-See, I need all this stuff.

Are you kidding me with this?

I need that.

Oh, my god.

[upbeat music]

[Lisa] Ken?

Here we are.

Oh, I don't want a glass.

I wanted the bottle with a straw.

[Ken] You deserve the bottle with a straw.

[Lisa] I'm worried about Lollipop,
you know?

She looks sad to me.

I mean, she's old too.

I just can't believe

we lost Pink Dog
and then… yesterday Pikachu.

I just… How does that happen like that?

Pink dog was the big shocker in my life.

[Ken] It was terrible.

[Lisa] Pink Dog was this darling

little moppet of a dog.

She was definitely gone too soon.

Then to lose Pikachu a few days later

has been a little overwhelming.

[sniffles]

But it's okay.

He had a good life.

[sniffles]
They both did.

[sighs]

[sniffles]

[gloomy music]

[sniffles]

I don't want to talk about it.

My eyelashes will fall off,
we'll be in big trouble.

[sniffles]

How are we gonna get through tomorrow?

-I'm really looking forward to it.
-I'm not.

Uh, it's the fruition
of two years' hard work.

We're finally premiering
The Road to Yulin and Beyond,

our documentary, at the LA Awareness

Film Festival tomorrow night.

[Lisa] It's hard enough to watch a movie,

and I just lost my own two dogs.

What can you do?
You just gotta pull yourself together

and put a brave face on it.

It's not that easy, Ken.

[Lisa] Putting this film together,

it's been very emotionally draining

for months.

Do we feel it's too hard-hitting?

-No, I don't.
-It's an awareness documentary,

and it can't just be like,
"Oh, this happened,

but we're not gonna show you."

[Lisa] This has been the result
of a lot of hard work,

and if I just fall apart

because my two dogs have died,

it's just gonna be all pointless.

Pikachu would be proud of us
and Pink Dog too.

My boys are gonna miss me.
I'm gonna have to have them--

[sneezes]

Have you a cold?

[laughs]

If anything's wrong with you,

it's more than I can handle.

[upbeat music]

[Erika] Oh, look how pretty.
Thanks for making it look good.

-I'm gonna take these.
-[Laia] Yeah.

Ooh. [bleep].

Lost my waitress skills.

[Erika] You know these b*tches
ain't gonna get this.

Don't wanna be a bad host.

Ah! [bleep].

[Laia] Did you go down?

[Erika] No, a cookie slid.

It's okay, I caught it.

Ah.

[upbeat music]

[Lisa R.] Thank you, Randy.

[upbeat music]

[Erika] Fashion, fashion. You look great.

I stole everything from the girls' night.
[laughing]

-[Erika] Come on in and sit down.
-Oh, I love your house.

[Erika] Thank you.
That's very sweet of you.

-And you always have good cookies.
-[Erika] Thank you.

[Lisa R.] So what's the surprise
you wanted to show us?

Dorit's late,
but let's just wait till she gets here.

Well, at this point, I mean, my god,

I would be surprised
if Dorit's on time or early.

[laughing]

I mean, right?

What did you think of the psychic?

Okay, first of all,
I still can't get over the fact

that you have, like,
lots of psychic abilities.

You have some psychic ability like I do.
Yeah, I could tell.

-Which is why I'm closed.
-[woman 2] Yeah.

-Really?
-She has high, high psychic ability.

I think we all do.

I had been seeing this psychic
that I really, really love,

that Cindy Crawford had turned me onto,

and I thought,
"Well, Cindy's really smart,

and if she likes her…"

-"Maybe me too."
-You know?

So I go to see her one time, and she says,

"I would like you to meet
these two people that I see.

I think that there's
something there business-wise."

And I, of course, was like, "Yes."

I mean, the store is dying.

Yeah, like, you need it.
I have nothing to lose.

Harry and I opened our clothing store,
Belle Gray, in 2003.

[Lisa R.] We held on until 2011,
and it was really like,

"Do we keep our house,
or do we keep the store?"

So I meet with them, and they said,

"We wanna go into business with you.

Maybe a clothing line,
something on QVC or HSN."

-Get the [bleep] out of here.
-I swear to God.

And it was meant to be
because it was like a perfect storm.

You know, one door closes
and the other one opens.

Thank you.

-[Erika] Ah!
-Hi!

-Hi!
-I love you. You look cute.

-Dorit, how are you?
-We're over here chatting and chatting.

Sorry I'm late, girls.

Better to be late than not there at all.

Hold on one second.

-I wanna show you guys something.
-Okay.

-Hang on.
-[Dorit] What is it?

-No, it's super cute. Hold on.
-Oh.

[giggles]

Okay, here she is!

[gasps]

-Ah!
-Ah!

You're in the Kardashian game, b*tch!

[Erika] "Hey, b*tches.

I'm Erika Jayne's avatar.

We've gone digital, baby."

-That is so cool.
-So she's in her costume.

Hell, yeah, I want an avatar.

[Dorit] Don't think I'll ever get
an avatar.

There's no Dorit Jayne
anywhere inside of me, so.

[chuckles]

When did Erika Jayne…

When was she born and how was she born?

I was in a place where
I had shopped out Rodeo Drive,

and I thought, "You know what,
I need to be creative again."

Being fearless is what it's all about.

-Yep.
-It is.

I had that meeting with one of the biggest
music managers in the world,

and he looked at me,
and he said, "Erika, pivot."

Pivot?

It was either pivot or quit.

-But what does that mean?
-It means turning the project

and opening up to everything.

I am of the mind
that you say yes to everything.

I am too!

[Erika] It may be the avatar,

Dancing with the Stars,

the book,

the Girl Cult.

What's up?

Once you start that energy rolling,

every door opens.

All of these great things are lining up.

How could you say no to anything?

-You're stepping through the door.
-[Dorit] I'm stepping through the door.

Here I am, now pouring my heart and soul
back into design,

and even though I'm doing swimwear ranges,

it's like my mind is now--

-Everywhere.
-Everywhere.

It's great.

[Dorit] Confidence comes with age,

and here I am,

a 40-plus-year-old woman,

starting back in her career,

and I'm about to launch
my first collection in five years,

and it feels amazing.

[Lisa R.] But you know
how rare it is, I mean,

how many jobs are for 40-year-old women?

-Uh, none.
-Yeah.

You know, you cast a 50-year-old man,
he's gonna have

a 25-year-old girlfriend or wife.

That's my life!

[laughter]

I can't say [bleep]! I can't say [bleep]!

Oops.
[soft chuckle]

[Lisa R. laughing]

Girl, you're crazy!

[upbeat dance music]

[distant whirring]

-Hello.
-[Edwin] Hi, baby.

What you doing?
Having a little protein shake?

-I just made a little protein shake.
-Mm.

-[Edwin] What are you up to?
-[Teddi] I just dropped the kiddos.

Do you have a sec,
or are you going right to work?

No, yeah, I got a sec. What's up, baby?

I'm just feeling, like,
a little bit hesitant

about going on this trip to Berlin and…

Well, what's your issue with it?

Well, I feel like I, I don't wanna
leave you and the kiddos.

Hmm. Babe.

I got this. I can handle the kids.

Will you go over the calendar
with me then?

Um…

Come on.

-You have to.
-I will.

-At least just, like, appease my nerves.
-I will. I'm good.

A hundred percent, I'm a helicopter mom.

[Teddi] Every time I'm away from the kids,

I leave an extensive list of to-dos.

-Slate has drama on Monday.
-Okay.

They have tennis Tuesday.

Wednesday, they have
to have their swim bags

with their backpack.

It has all the kids' activities,

what they wear to the activities…

Oh, what do you got here?

Rock 'n' roll class.

[Teddi] How long it's gonna take
to get there…

Mondays and Wednesday nights,

they have to wash their hair in the bath.

-Got it.
-Okay.

[Teddi] And, essentially,

Edwin cares so much about that list,
he might as well wipe with it.

I think I'm ready to be a full-time dad.

And then you can get a job. Perfect.

-Oh, I don't have a job?
-Well…

Ah, I see how it is, uh-huh.

-All right. Well, how about this?
-Nevermind.

I'm gonna stop adding my money
to the joint account.

-I'll just keep it to myself.
-I'm gonna… I'm just gonna…

-How's that?
-I'm just gonna zip it

-before I get in trouble.
-Okay, all right.

You've really eased my concerns, baby.
Thank you.

Baby, it's gonna be fine, I promise you.

Is it the kids, or is it

that you're a little uncomfortable

with one of the girls, or what?

[Teddi] I think I'm apprehensive
to go on the trip to Berlin

because Erika has repeatedly
snapped at me.

You pretending that
it's full amnesia right now--

Don't [bleep] with me like that.

-Don't.
-Okay.

Don't ever, ever do that to me.

[Teddi] I mean, Erika apologized.

-Well, that's good.
-Yeah.

I can always be cordial with whomever.

[Erika] I know that we've had words,

and I would like to apologize
for me losing my temper

-with you.
-Thank you.

[Teddi] I don't think we'll be hugging
it out by the end of the trip,

but I think we can go and have some fun.

What's going on with Dorit?
What's up with Dorit?

To be honest, I don't really know.

I had a dinner with PK and Dorit.

She's one person one minute

and then she's another
person another minute,

and she's got rage and regret,
and rage and regret.

Your response, Dorit, was,
she is 100% rage and regret.

-Teddi, Lisa and I are fine.
-Great.

[Teddi] I want to apologize
for what I said to Lisa Rinna.

Oh.

[Teddi] I don't really know
if she's accepted my apology or not.

I think because it was over the phone

and I, like, caught her off guard,
her tone was, like, short,

and then I don't know that I came off
as sincere as I wanted to be.

Ugh. Either way,

her and I, one on one, need to probably…

You guys should go to, like,

dinner just one on one.

We'll see. I'm sure
we'll have plenty of time.

[Teddi] Being in Berlin
with Dorit and Erika,

I can only hope that our past issues

don't continue to rear their ugly head.

-I gotta get to work. I love you.
-[smooches]

Oh, at my non-job job.

-[abrupt chuckle]
-d*uche.

You're not… You're never gonna
let me live that one down.

Never!

[Patrick] How are you holding up?
You all right?

Yeah. I actually drank hard liquor.

Now, that's not gonna help.

Watching this movie tonight,

I'm gonna start crying
in front of you like crazy.

Well, if you're gonna cry,
please don't sit next to me.

Okay, I won't.

Unless you can fix my makeup.

[Patrick chuckling]

[Lisa] With the showing
of our documentary,

it's important tonight
that I pull myself together

because I need to get up
and give that message.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

[Dorit] I'm so sorry about Pikachu.

[Lisa] I know.

He just died in my arms.

[Dorit] Oh, my god.

It's best that I don't talk about it now

because I'll start getting emotional.

[Dorit] I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I just, I feel sick for you.

Dorit, I can't talk about it right now.

-[Dorit] Okay.
-Just because…

[Dorit] It's just, it's a lot to take
in one week…

-[sniffles]
-It's a lot.

-[Lisa] Dorit, I can't. Dorit.
-[Dorit] It's a lot.

I don't need to mention it.

I mean, I know how much
they mean to you guys,

and I know what they are
in your family, and--

Don't, you'll make it worse. Stop.

[Dorit] Honey, I think some of the girls
are gonna mention it, but--

Kyle knows and Erika sent a text. So…

-I'm just gonna…
-[Dorit] Of course.

…try and pull myself together,

and, and we're gonna fight the fight.

[Dorit] Well, we'll be there.

-Thanks, darling.
-[Dorit] Bye.

[phone thuds]

-You okay?
-Yeah.

I think to roll up there
absolutely [bleep] faced

might solve all our problems.

[both chuckle]

[light music]

[Ryan] From this meeting, guys,
I wanna be able

to start isolating color combinations
that work and don't work

because we're not gonna have a lot of time
post-fitting to get it all done.

-I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.
-Hi.

-I'm sorry.
-[Ryan] Hello.

I'm late. I'm sorry.

[Dorit] Hi. Hi. Hi.

-Look at what Suzy made for you.
-[Dorit gasps]

-Oh, my god, I'm dead.
-[laughter]

As if I don't have enough
on my plate already.

Oh, I love it.

[Dorit] I've decided
to celebrate the launch

of Beverly Beach by having a fashion show.

-[Ryan] Cute, right?
-[Dorit] Okay.

-I love this piece.
-I love it.

I would do a little bit lower in front,

just because we've got
a little bit of side boob.

[Dorit] I love…

I love the side boob. I love it.

[Dorit] I think it's so freaking
natural and sexy.

The back is so good.

[Ryan] Just so you know, Dorit,
everything we'll be doing

is gonna be in sample size, extra-small.

-Okay.
-Because it needs to be ready

-for the fashion show.
-Right.

-And those girls are tiny. You know?
-Yeah.

And we won't have time to grade down
from small to extra small.

-Yeah.
-[Dorit] I know we only have

three weeks to put on this fashion show

and I'm fitting these swimsuits
for the very first time,

but I know I can do it.

For fashion show,
I want to see the piping black,

maybe using a different fabric
that's a little bit shinier.

I like that, I like that.

-You know what I mean? And it's chic.
-Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, the only thing I worry is that

a girl with a really powerful walk,

that is going right in her tush.

I mean, a really strong walk,

and next thing you know,

I've got a full collection of thongs.

Totally.

I think a swimsuit should show
a cheeky derriere.

[Dorit] All my swimsuits give you
a little lift.

They make your bum look nice
and round and perfect.

[Dorit] Just every woman's dream.

I mean, I would wear it with pride.

So, we've got a lot of work
to do, obviously.

I forgot to tell you this.

It's only sort of just happened,

but next week, I'm gonna be in Berlin.

-Okay…
-And then you have me the entire week,

and I promise you I will work 24/7.

We will lock down the location.

-I'm telling you. I know.
-Please.

I'm gonna work
really freaking hard this week!

[laughter]

Is this the best time
to leave and go on a trip?

Of course not,

but I can feel the creativity

burning inside of me.

This is what I'm used to.

I'm gonna do whatever it takes
to get this done.

So when I take on this much,
and I'm working 23 1/2 hours a day,

it's where I thrive.

God does not give you
more than you can handle.

Okay.

I don't know how I do it,

-but I seem to do it.
-[laughs]

[upbeat music]

Jeepers.

I don't know if it's gonna be cold
in the theater.

Thank you.

[reporter] So what does tonight mean
to you tonight?

I'm an avid animal lover,

and I'm just gonna support
Lisa and this cause

because it's an amazing thing
that she's doing.

I wanna see this so bad.

This project is very close
to Lisa's heart.

[Erika] She and Ken have given
their blood, sweat, and tears,

so it's important
that she see us supporting her.

[Lisa R.] Where do we sit?

Where it says "Reserved"!

-All right!
-Jesus!

Well, [bleep]!

Well, these all say LVP, LVP.

Go sit next to me.

[Camille] I'm so sorry.

You know what, Camille,
you're that person at the movies

that gets on my nerves.

[both] Mwah.

-Good to see you.
-Where is Dorit?

I don't know.

[Lisa R.] Of course, she's gonna be late.

[soft chuckle]
Oh, my god.

[inhales sharply]
Oh!

[upbeat music]

[indistinct chatter]

Who is this, who is this?

-The only woman you make out with.
-Oh, my god.

The only woman… Yes, it's true.

-Are we gonna be crying the whole time?
-Yes.

[Erika] I forgot to wear a waterproof.

Or bring a tissue.

Well, there you are.

Hello!

-Hello.
-Hi, guys.

-Hi, guys.
-How are you?

-You guys want a Sour Patch Kid?
-Oh, yes.

Erika, you are so fun
to go to the movies with.

I know, I'm so much fun.

Because we like to eat.

[laughter]

That's amazing when you mix
the Sour Patch with the popcorn.

Did you eat my Sour Patch Kids?

Yeah, I want…

Can you believe this? She won't share.

-Baby, give me the Snickers.
-That's all that I have.

[Kyle] Does anybody have
any more Snickers?

I'm getting them.

Good evening.

Welcome to the 2017
Awareness Film Festival,

and I know many of you are here
for an amazing film

called The Road to Yulin.

We are gonna be in tears at the end,

so just prepare yourselves.

-We're very, very proud of you.
-Thank you.

[Skye] Please find your seats,
and enjoy the show.

[applause]

[dramatic music playing]

[Lisa] Dogs are truly man's best friend.

We should be as empathetic to their needs

as they are to ours.

Unfortunately, not everyone agrees.

Oh, no.

[dogs barking]

[tense music]

[Kyle] Lisa told us that as hard
as these images are to see,

to not look away, but it's impossible

not to think of my own dogs

and how anyone could t*rture
an animal like this.

-More sharing.
-Stop.

[Lisa] I remember it very clearly.

I was just looking through social media,

and I saw this Yulin Dog Meat Festival,

and I thought, "What on earth is that?"

[man 1] I think something
that we need to remember is that

the majority of these dogs
are stolen pets.

Oh.

[Ken] We know for a fact
that some are pets

because we've seen videos

of them being snatched off of the street.

People's pets!

How would you feel if it was your pet?

It's unbelievable.

And they're going to end up
on somebody's plate.

[Lisa R.] Heard about it,
we've talked about it,

but to actually see it,

it just takes it to a place that is just…

[inhales deeply]

Ugh. I can't even talk about it.

[man 1] Walking through
the slaughter yard,

there was one dog that was kind of

pressing herself up against the cage…

-and looking at me…
-I know.

…wanting to get out.

[Teddi] It's heartbreaking.
You can't even fathom

this is actually happening in our world.

[Lisa] They believe that it
enhances sexual prowess.

Well, [bleep] off, take Viagra for that.

[crowd applauding]

It's okay. You're okay.

You've got it, baby.

-[Ken] Oh, you saved her.
-I saved the dog.

She's in the car with me, yeah.

[applause]

[Lisa] Every little dog
that we save is a victory,

even if it's one at a time.

[crowd applauding]

You did it.

[applause]

[instrumental hip-hop music]

I needed a drink two hours ago.

I know.

[background chatter]

I love a party that you can
bring your dogs to.

-That was--
-Really hard.

-Ugh.
-It was tough, it was tough.

-[Teddi] That was amazing.
-[Lisa] Oh, thank you.

[Teddi] You've done a lot of great things
for a lot of dogs

and your dogs.

Yeah, hopefully, this will make
a difference, you know?

Thanks, Teddi, for being a friend.

[Lisa] I'm glad that my friends
are here tonight.

It does mean a lot to me.

Thanks for coming.

You did an amazing thing.

Even Rinna.

I'm very proud of you.

You've come a long way, Lisa.

I'm gonna have to give
so much credit to my husband.

[Lisa] When you marry somebody
that's so driven,

I really respect that.

He wants to make a difference, Lisa…

And, you know, I would love
to shag somebody else,

but I still stay married to him because--

-Shut up, Teddi!
-[Dorit] Stay away

from my husband, her husband,
and her husband.

[Teddi] Regardless of all
the ups and downs

that Dorit and I have had,
we do like each other,

and we do have fun together,

and I don't think either of us
are malicious.

To your face, I wanted to say,
"I'm sorry."

Teddi, that means a lot to me.

I want to play with you again.

Yeah, me too. Here's to that.

[Dorit] That's all I need.

I'm ready to move on

and have a great time.

Here's to Berlin.

-I know, let's do this!
-Whew!

I'm dragging these women to Berlin.

-I'm sorry I can't make it. Oh!
-I hate you…

Teddi, there's this horseback ride
through this town

that's really picturesque,

-so you can lead us.
-Oh, I would love that!

[Erika] My business meeting
got moved to LA, go figure,

but I still want to go to Berlin.

You know, [bleep] it, let's have fun,

and these b*tches
are coming along for the ride.

I would just appreciate it
if you could help me pick

the old nag to ride.

I don't want anything spirited.
I need an old nag.

I'll find you an old nag.

[Lisa] Erika wants an old nag to ride?

Hmm, clearly, she has a type.

I'd like to propose a toast
to our trip to Berlin.

-Hear, hear.
-Cheers.

[upbeat music]

[Erika] What's happening?

[Mikey] Just looking at all the clothes,

trying to make sense of it.

[Erika] Oh, my god, look at all this.

-This is narrowed down.
-[laughs]

-We edit, what do you mean?
-This is an edit.

[upbeat music]

[Erika] There's a certain edge in Berlin

that's gonna require a lot of costumes.

You've been to Berlin, right?

Many years ago,
but we've never been together.

Did you enjoy it?
No, we've never been together.

-So that'll be fun.
-Ooh, what's this?

Yeah, now, this latex from Syren.

-[Laia] So Berlin.
-We need to bring the lube for this.

[grinds teeth]
Packed. g*n oil.

-Silicone only.
-[laughter]

-Got it. Check.
-Silicone, right.

You gotta have lube
and baby powder for latex.

[Erika] That's the way you get in it,
you know?

That's why you come on these trips.

Instead of wearing the same old
mother [bleep] jeans with pumps

and some blouse that you got
on [bleep] Robertson.

[laughs]

Baby powder on the inside.

[both] Lube on the outside.

[Dorit coughs]

What else do I need?

This…

-[Dorit] I am not feeling myself.
-[coughs]

I'm feeling like
I'm coming down with the flu.

[mumbling]

On top of being sick,

I've been working through the night

every night trying to get
this collection done.

I don't have any time
to be sick or to sleep

while we're away in Berlin.

[sighs]

[upbeat music]

Look at this coat.

Oh, beautiful.

[Rocío] Wow. Oh…

Oh, I love this hat.

-I should take that.
-Yeah.

[Lisa] I've never been to Berlin,
but I grew up

listening to the stories

from my grandmother, Nanny Kay.

[Lisa] She was a nurse in World w*r II

and she talked about nights
in the air raid shelter,

about the bombers coming over,

about her house being bombed,

so this trip is a little bit
more significant

to me, maybe, than to the others.

God knows what shoes I should take.

I don't think I've got any.

There's only about 200 pairs there.

[both laugh]

[upbeat music]

Thank you very much.

[Erika] For a trip like this,

it takes a lot of trunks

full of glamour.

[Lisa R.] Thank you.

Thank you so much.

[Lisa R.] Do I know any German?

[speaking gibberish]

[laughs]

Thank you.

[speaks German]
Ohrwurm.

Earworm. Ew.

-Hi.
-Hi, how you doing?

Good, thanks, how are you?

[speaking gibberish]

I don't know.

[Lisa] I don't know any German

whatsoever, except…

[in German]
Do you speak German?

Wiener schnitzel.

[in English]
I like wiener schnitzel.

[Dorit speaks German]
Kann ich noch ein Bier bekommen?

[in English]
Which means, "Can I get another beer?"

[speaking gibberish]

[laughs]

[speaking gibberish]

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

-Oh, hello.
-[Lisa R.] Hello.

Bag of tricks right in here.

It's a bigger bag than normal.

[Lisa R.] Guess what, I have everything
in that pill bag.

I'll always have it.

-Go back to your seat.
-No.

But by the way, I need attention.

-Exactly.
-[laughing]

Go ahead. Go ahead, b*tch.

[upbeat music]

[jet engine roaring]

[Teddi] Is this us?

We're only gone four days,

but these women have four bags each.

-[Lisa] Teddi, what's yours?
-These two.

[thuds]

[Teddi laughs]

Shockingly, I'll probably be
the worst dressed.

[Lisa R.] Hang on, I'm stuck.

-I gotta reconfigure. Thank you.
-[laughs]

-Well, we're here.
-We're here.

Arrived in Berlin.

[Lisa] Look at that. That's gorgeous.

Look at the architecture. It's amazing.

Look at that church on the left.

[Erika] Yeah, that's pretty intense.

[Lisa] You feel better now, don't you?

I just don't feel like I'm gonna throw up

right this second,

but I don't feel great.

Dorit, let's call a doctor
when we get to the hotel.

Why are you sitting next
to me if you need a doctor?

[Dorit] On the plane ride over,

I got violently ill.

I was puking my brains out,

sitting on the bathroom floor

with my head in the toilet.

Ew.

[Dorit] Lisa, that anti-nausea pill--

-Did it help?
-[Dorit] Yeah, it did.

I'm eternally grateful.

It should work for 12 hours, it says.

She's like a traveling pharmacist there.

Honey, I don't go anywhere
without all that stuff.

This is what I carry.

[laughs]

Something's in this smoothie.
You're way too giddy.

She pulls out this plastic bag
filled with pills.

So you're intimating that it was

something naughtier than that.

You're talking about me
being a Xanax addict somehow.

[Lisa R.] I'm sure Dorit's

real happy about my pill bag
at this point.

-It's smart.
-[Lisa] God, all that [bleep]

I talked about you--

All that [bleep] that went down
over my pill bag.

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

[Erika] Look, we're here.

[Lisa R.] Oh, we're here.

[upbeat music]

Thank you so much.

-[mumbles]
-[coughs]

Oh, my, hello.

Nice to meet you.

Hi, welcome to Berlin,

-and welcome to the Waldorf Astoria.
-Thank you for having us.

Thank you very much.

Welcome. Champagne for you?

[Marie] Mrs. Girardi?

-Yes.
-I'm Marie. Very nice to meet you.

Erika. Pleasure. Thank you.

I'm taking you to the Presidential Suite.

Oh.

It was nice knowing all of you.

I'll be in the Presidential Suite

-and good luck to you all. Let's go.
-Oh… my… god.

-The Presidential Suite for you.
-Wow! Oh, my god.

[Marie] It's the nicest views of the town.

[Erika] I'm blown away.

This is the mini-bar.

I cannot wait to have a party in my room!

You should have a party in your room.

I really should.

I'm the leader on this trip.

[Erika] This is my gig.

I'm getting the Presidential Suite.

It's not like
they're staying in dumps, okay?

[Greg] Welcome to one
of our Ambassador Suites.

That was better than the other girls'.

You have, um, floor-to-ceiling windows.

[Kyle] I even like the furniture.

[Dorit] Oh, it's so nice.

Look at this.

And ginger ale is on the way

since we heard
that you're not feeling so well.

[Dorit] Thank you so much.

And you can see the zoo
on the other side of the building.

This is the zoo right here?

This is where the elephants live.

That is cool.
This is beautiful, this view.

Is it always this cold? Brr.

-Not always.
-I like the cold.

It's too hot in Los Angeles.

I hope you will not need this,
because this is a panic room.

Oh, really?

Maybe I should lock these hoes up.
[chuckles]

Don't lock the door
if you don't feel you need to.

Well…

[upbeat music]

[Dorit] I love to prepare for big events.

[coughs]

I map out my outfits,

I put them in their own bags,

with a picture,

all the components.

I know I have the flu,
but at the very least,

I'd like to look my best.

Who wouldn't want that?

-Hello, hi.
-Hi, doctor.

-Dr. Raasch.
-Dorit.

-Nice to meet you.
-Very nice to meet you.

So, what can I do for you?

I mean, I've got so many ailments,

-I don't know where to begin.
-Okay.

The day before I was traveling,

I started to feel like
I was getting, like,

an upper respiratory infection,

so my doctor gave me some antibiotics.

He said, "If you're starting to feel sick,
you should take them."

-Yeah?
-On the plane…

I started to feel even worse,

so I took a Zithromax…

-Okay.
-And I took a Tamiflu.

What?

You're not supposed to take both.

-Really?
-One or the other.

[slow music]

[sighs]

-So what's your diagnosis?
-So…

You don't take both medications

at once again, please.

[Dr. Raasch laughing]

And I don't think you get nauseated again.

Great.

So I hope you can enjoy your time.

-Thanks, doctor, thank you very much.
-And I hope you get well soon.

-Thank you. Thank you very much.
-Yeah, sure.

Well… that's a lesson learned.

[groans]

At least I'm not dying.

[electronic music]

[upbeat music]

[line ringing]

[ringing continues]

-[Edwin] Hi, baby.
-Hi.

Are you driving?

-This thing drives itself.
-No, you better pull over.

All right, all right.
Look how pretty you look.

Oh, thanks, Papa.

How is Berlin, baby?

Ugh, well, it's so beautiful.

You wanna see the view from my room?

[Edwin] Yes.

Look.

[Edwin] That is gorgeous.

[Teddi] How are the angel pies?

The angel pies are cool.
They were asking about you.

-They were?
-Yep.

Mm.

[Teddi] Traveling internationally
without my kids,

there's the highs and lows…
You're having fun,

but then, also, you're type-A crazy,

so I was like, "I wanna be home."
"I wanna know what they're doing.

I wanna be a part of everything."

[Teddi] And, of course,
Edwin's not following

the long list of instructions I left
for the kids,

but, I mean, thankfully, he loves them,

and I have my backup spy…
I mean, babysitter.

This city is, like, magical.

You deserve it.
I'm glad you're having fun.

Well, you know what would make me happier?

What?

If you were with me.

Aww, mwah. Thanks, babe.

-I miss you.
-[laughs]

"Thanks, babe. Anyways, gotta go.
The other line."

-[laughs]
-No, I've gotta get to the office.

Mwah.

[line ringing]

[ringing continues]

Oh.

[Lisa] You don't look that good.

You look like [bleep].

[groans]
I know.

[Dorit] I've been sick all day.

[coughs]
And then the doctor said,

"The reason why you got sick,
you're not supposed to mix those two."

[Lisa] You didn't know that?

No, I didn't know that at all.

[laughs]

[Lisa] Oh, my god, Dorit looks terrible,

but at least Dorit's not really sick.

I mean, mixing meds
and a Bloody Mary on the plane

ain't gonna go down well.

You're gonna go get
some drinks with the girls?

[Dorit] I've got serious FOMO right now.

Do you know what FOMO is?

No, is it a sexual maneuver?

No, it's fear of missing out.

Oh, that.

Well, that could be construed
as a sexual maneuver, one might say.

[both laugh]

[Dorit] I don't wanna miss out,

but a healthy Dorit

is far more fun than a sick Dorit.

If you want me to come by, call me.

Okay.

All right, you wanna come
cuddle with me tonight?

No.

[upbeat music]

Do you know where we're going?

Yeah, we're going
to this swanky little bar.

-[Kyle] Swanky little bar in Berlin.
-[Lisa R.] Oh, it's cute.

[Lisa] I feel like a lady of the night.

-I know, right?
-Oh, perfect.

-Oh, look at this.
-[woman 3] Hi, good evening.

This is our special menu for tonight.

-Great.
-[Kyle] Thank you.

Do you have margaritas here?

[overlapping chatter]

I think I'll have a margarita
as well, actually.

And then, can I have an Aperol Spritz
and a water, please?

-Yes, of course.
-Thank you.

-I wanna try an Aperol Spritz.
-Okay.

-And a water.
-[Kyle] What's that?

It's a champagne
with a little something, something.

But there's something that
makes it orange. It's really yummy.

Thank you very much.

So what's happening?

-[both] Where's Erika?
-[laughs]

[upbeat music]

-[Mikey] The…
-[Erika] Yes.

…perfect jacket for this look.

-[Erika] Oh, okay.
-Right?

-It's old school.
-I know, but, like…

Yeah, why not? I love it.

So here's the thing,
I'm taking them shopping

-in the morning.
-Okay.

-But then we're going horseback riding.
-Okay.

I know. You know.

-We have the look for it, though.
-Oh, no, I…

-[laughs]
-Hello, duh.

I was thinking of having a dinner here

-in the suite.
-Oh, that's good.

Which I think will be nice.

So I was going to call Marie

and get this going.

-I love it that you knew.
-[snaps fingers]

[Marie] Good evening, Mrs. Girardi.

This is Marie, how may I help you?

Hey, there. Um…

I was thinking of having
a small dinner party

in my suite tomorrow night, six of us,

and I was wondering
if that would be possible.

[Marie] Absolutely,
it would be our pleasure.

I could have the executive chef

create a special menu for you ladies.

All right, great. Thank you.

[Marie] Thank you for calling.
Have a good night.

Thank you. You as well. Bye-bye.

[Marie] Thank you. Bye-bye.

Well, that was the easiest reservation

-I ever made.
-Yeah, love it.

We're not going on a boat, are we?

No.

I haven't really enjoyed my experience
on a boat, actually.

-Amsterdam boats.
-Damn.

-You got slapped.
-What?

You come from Europe?

-[background chatter]
-No.

I have never even wanted to slap you.

Well, I've wanted to slap you.

-[Lisa R.] Have you?
-I've wanted to strangle you, yeah.

Oh, I've never wanted.

You've changed a bit lately.

Somehow, you're, like, a little quieter

and a little more…

Well, I've changed.

I mean, I think that you
either grow or you don't.

Yeah, but it seems like
you don't engage as much.

[Lisa R.] In Lisa Vanderpump's speak,

what does "less engaged" mean?

Is it British humor?

Is it a jab?

Is it, "You're not doing
what I want you to do?"

Like, maybe now she has no one
to do her dirty work.

Hmmm.

Maybe that's what less engaged means.

I've never seen anything
but a positive side to you.

That's nice to hear, I mean,

I don't need to engage

because I don't have anybody

coming at me with something crazy.

I'm not coming at you. I just mean…

You mean like she's even talking to you?

No, I feel that I haven't felt

that you were as invested
in the group, you know?

I think it's strange to say
that I'm less engaged.

I'm just not engaging
in the stupid [bleep] bull [bleep].

Okay.

[electronic music]

[upbeat music]

I haven't felt that you're
as invested in the group.

I don't think "invested"
is the right word.

We haven't done anything
to piss her off yet,

-so you're lucky.
-Well, that's true.

[laughter]

But I also don't want to lose

a little bit of the Rinna, though.

Well, you're never gonna lose the Rinna.

-She's still here.
-I wonder

if we can have a hybrid of the old Rinna

and the new Rinna, would that…

I don't like that person that I'd become.

I have two teenage girls
that look up to me,

and I think I have to really…

watch my behavior.

What I've learned
in the last few years is,

I don't have to go to battle.

[Lisa R.]
That's what I wanna show my girls.

You don't have to get involved
in a situation

you can't fix.

Your juice is very nice, Teddi.

She's like, "I miss that old Rinna,"

-I can tell.
-I'm not sure.

[Kyle] But a leopard
doesn't change its spots.

-Don't poke the leopard.
-Yeah, you don't wanna poke the leopard.

Oh, here comes Erika.

-[Lisa] Hello.
-[Teddi] Hi.

-[Kyle] Hi, how are you?
-Sorry, I was upstairs

planning our day tomorrow,
so I apologize for being a little late.

-Oh, yay.
-Sure.

And I appreciate you all coming
on this wild moment with me.

I could not miss the girls' trip.

You don't ever get this time, right?

I mean, it's good that you're able
to really be by yourself than not.

[Kyle] We're in the hotel room,
and I'm, like,

dancing around naked

because I can.

-[laughter]
-Right. Exactly.

Oh, I do that at home anyway,
but that just horrifies everyone

-and gets everyone all worked up.
-[laughs]

I have people live in.
I'm not gonna do that.

[Teddi] Well, do you sleep in clothes
or naked?

Well, I slept naked until the earthquake.

-Oh.
-'94.

I ran out with the sheets
wrapped around me,

-and then I never, ever slept naked again.
-Really?

There I was, lying there, naked,

and the bed was going like that,

and I thought, "Oh, god, not again, Ken.

We did that at Christmas."

And, you know, Nanny Kay
was staying with me then.

Who is Nanny Kay?

-Nanny Kay, my grandmother.
-Her grandmother.

-Oh, okay.
-How do you not know that?

-She went to--
-No, I know. I don't think I've ever met.

No, I know, but for a second,
I was thinking

-it was a character from a movie.
-No.

I told you about her a hundred times.

No, I know, but I don't remember
if it was Nanny Kay, okay?

Kyle doesn't remember Nanny Kay?

I've talked about Nanny Kay
ever since I've known her.

Nanny Kay lived with me for 25 years.

[Lisa] I mean, just because
we crossed the Atlantic,

she left her memory back in America?

[Lisa] She was with me in that earthquake,

and as she came out of the guest bedroom,

she said, "It's worse than the Blitz!"

-Where were you living?
-In Doheny.

We lost a restaurant there.
It was totaled.

Isn't that the one
that you had in the mall?

-Yes. You've got such a good memory.
-You had a restaurant in the mall.

I know.

What restaurant in the mall?

I see you're paying attention.

It was called the Gourmet Pasta and Pizza.

It was in the Sherman Oaks Mall.

What is wrong with you?

Well, there's somebody
who's paying attention.

Thank you, Erika, I appreciate that.

No, I listen when people talk.

-I really do.
-[Lisa] Yeah, yeah.

[Kyle] I'm sorry.

I forgot your grandmother's name
for a second.

I actually don't know
if I've ever heard it.

And Nanny Kay doesn't want
to be woken up again.

-She's like, "Go away. Leave me alone."
-[laughs]

And I don't want to speak
to my grandmother.

I don't think I do.

Nanny Kay is not available.

She's busy in heaven.

[laughs]

[Kyle] Okay, so sh**t me.

I never met the woman.

Does Lisa Vanderpump know
my grandmother's name?

Because I was really close to her too.

-You know who Nanny Kay is in my life.
-No, because--

She's the most important person
in my life.

I had a mind lapse for a minute.

Okay, so you know who I'm talking about.

Your grandmother was very influential.

If you are one of my best friends,

then I think you should know
who she is, right?

I mean, it's like me saying,
"Oh, who is your mother?

What happened to her?"

When I said Nanny Kay,
you said, "Who's Nanny Kay?"

-Oh. No, no, no.
-And I'm like, I've known you forever.

Yeah. I know she was very important.

-I've heard it a million times.
-Exactly.

For a second, you didn't always…

You didn't always say her name,

sometimes your grandmother,
you know what I mean?

For a second, I got confused
who Nanny Kay was.

Oh, you're not mad
'cause she didn't know Nanny Kay?

Oh, no, no, no, it's fine, it's fine.

[Erika] Well, here's the thing.

I actually do listen
when people talk to me,

so I actually do know who Nanny Kay is,

and I do remember her
telling me about her first restaurant.

See? There.

Real friendship.

No bull [bleep].

[Erika] I listen.

Try it.

[Lisa] Next time on
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

[Lisa R.] Here we come, Berlin.

[shouting and yelling]

[all] Cheers!

[Lisa] Ooh, look how beautiful that is.

-Do you have, uh, nonfat milk?
-Do you have soy?

-What?
-Do you have almond milk?

Do you have sugar-free vanilla?

Do you have coconut milk?

We're a little obnoxious.

Yeah.

No, slow down. Ah!

[Lisa] Anybody else's horse
would take off with them,

I'd be like, "Whoa!"

But with Rinna, keep going.

Kyle, in New York,
I was really hurt by you…

The night of my BELLA party.

I didn't say anything
at the [bleep] BELLA party, okay?