12x07 - Ship-Faced

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills."

Yeah, never. [chuckles]
Go [BLEEP] yourself.

- You go [BLEEP] yourself.
- Oh, good!

This is a mutual thing.

- Punta de Mita!
- Whoo!

- Chris out!
- Whoo!

No, where...ah!

Something touched my foot!

I felt good waking up
to this.

When my mom was passing,
I actually feel her more now

than I did.

- I am a very good person.
- You told us that already.

We know that.
- And I'm gonna say it again.

- How's that...
- I'm going to say it again

until you can hear me.
- Sutton, Sutton, wait.

Her reaction is shocking.

It's really not
your normal behavior.

Moving forward
in our friendship

is important to me.
- I'ma take that.

- Lovely.
- [laughs]

Rinna, shut up.

Bullsh...
But I love that.

Lovely.
[all laughing]

[upbeat music]

♪

Who ordered the stripper?
I'm here.

[laughs]

- Diana, gorgeous.
- Mm-hmm.

- Hi. I actually want a drink.
- What do you want to drink?

- Tequila.
- This one?

- Yes.
- I want to have fun.

I want to escape everything,
and maybe tequila will help.

We are past champagne
at this point.

Need something stronger.

- Cheers, guys.
- Yes, cheers.

- Cheers.
- You okay?

- No, I'm totally okay.
- Okay.

Like, it was, uh...

I told Sutton
she made the new girl cry.

[all chuckling]

What's the matter?
- Don't worry.

Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.

- Are you kidding me?
- I'm good, I'm good.

I promise you.
Don't do that.

Don't draw attention to this.
Please. No.

Do you think the door
will be open?

Well, maybe to you.

[knocking]
- Oh, I hear someone.

Oh, it's Kyle.
Oh, and Sutton.

There they are. Come on in.

Oh, my God.

[scoffs]

Crystal's gonna play
bartender. She's right there.

[all laughing]

Were Sutton and Diana
fighting and had some issues?

Yes, but this will not stop us.

Hello?

We will come to your room,
and we'll drink your alcohol,

even the ones
that are mad at you.

Excuse me? Are you
not feeling generous tonight?

I'm gonna top it off.
That's how I mix it.

Well, hello.

I used to live
in Laguna Beach,

and my ex-husband decided
he wanted to boogie board.

And I watched him just eat it.

Is he remarried?
I'm not asking for myself.

I'm just asking.
[all laughing]

[all speaking at once]

- Shut up!
- I said it, I was like...

What about your ex?

Are you friends with your ex?

- Oh, that's good.
- Yeah.

Is he remarried?

- And divorced.
- And divorced, yeah.

It was
a very, very simple divorce.

What we achieved together,
we achieved together.

I had full trust in him that
he's gonna divide it in half

the way it should be divided,
and so he did.

The marriage or divorce
was not about money.

My ex-husband
never got remarried,

and I feel so bad
because honestly,

he's such a good guy.

He loved me.

We have
a beautiful daughter together.

I loved him, and I was
just too young to be married.

My ex-husband and I genuinely
really care about each other,

and just because
we got divorced young,

that never went away.

And we both
always put Farrah first.

Happy graduation!

Happy
graduation.

He's a great guy,

and he and Mauricio
are good friends.

That's important.

My ex-husband,
he's a good person.

Of course.

Do you know how long that's
going to take me? Forever

That's like if I were to
look at my losses, and I was

gonna say am I ever gonna get
out from underneath that?

And I said never.

At the end of the day,
it's not mine to...

to .....ing...I didn't do it.

Do you feel
any responsibility?

- No.
- You don't?

Does a doctor's wife
feel responsibility

for his patients?

Interesting point.

I wish I had more talks
like this with Sutton,

where it's just
a back and forth.

It's a very interesting point.

There are times
that Sutton and I connect.

Then it inevitably goes wrong.

It's like we're almost there,
and then poof.

You know, we're not.

Ladies,
I've had a lovely night.

What time is tomorrow? Noon?

Guys,
we've got a boat tomorrow.

We're gonna go on a boat.
- Whoo!

Whoever wants to jump off
and swim, you can.

Whoever wants
to stay on and drink, you can.

That sounds really sweet.

Diana, I promise
not to yell on the boat.

[laughs]

Unless somebody's
gone overboard.

That's a good one.

Don't get excited.

If you get stung
by a jellyfish,

I will tee-tee on you.

I want all seven of you
to pee on me

if I get stung by a jellyfish.

You better pull your panties
to the side and piss on me.

[overlapping chatter]
- Watch out, America!

My .....ing God, we're good.

Okay, I mean, this could be
the beginning of something.

[waves crashing]

[upbeat music]

♪

Nobody knows what you need

and what you should do
right after your mom dies.

Part of the world will go,

"Oh, my God. I can't believe
you didn't lock yourself

in a room and honor
your mother and grieve."

But then you go, "My mom would
want me to come on this trip."

She'd be like, "Get off your
a*s and get on that plane

and go with your girlfriends."

[upbeat music]

♪

We're going on a yacht.

Oh, a yacht? I was ready
to style you for a canoe.

I know!
I wish you guys could come.

Like, bathing suit.
- Are you getting in the water?

Or...
- Oh, no.

[all laughing]

You need to hold
my eyeballs in.

Bad night last night.
- What was it?

Sometimes as a mother,

you can lash out
on your children.

Yeah.

And yell at them accidentally.

That's kind of what I did last
night to Diana.

Were you able to talk to her?

Well, I apologized.

- I'm sorry for losing my cool.
- No worries, no worries.

No, but it's like, just...

It's a lot.

All I do is apologize
to people.

- Right.
- Totally.

[upbeat music]

Food, drinks.

Oh, I love it!

We wanted some Mexican tapas.
Here we go.

- Cheers, ladies.
- Cheers.

Oh, my God.
I woke up so tired.

- I've been tired.
- I feel okay.

But you know what?

Last night got
a little bit strange.

Oh, my God, you guys,
that was crazy.

Sutton and Erika,
they were like talking

and sharing stories.
- What?

I swear to you, they looked
like two best friends.

How was
the rest of the night?

We actually kinda had fun.

But you...
were very talkative with...

- Erika.
- Oh!

It's like Bobbsey twins,
her and Erika, or like...

I wouldn't say Bobbsey twins.

Take it easy.
- You were...

I would not say Bobbsey twins.
- What happened?

Erika's being very talkative.

She won't shut up.

- She won't shut up.
- She won't shut up.

- There is an air of, like...
- Nothing happened.

Now I'm on meds,
and I'm having a good time.

I think Erika is tired
of talking about Erika,

so I feel like a lot
of what's she's doing now

is distracting so that
we don't ask her questions.

Nothing has been settled yet
with her...

- Correct.
- With all her stuff.

- That's right.
- Nobody's talking about it.

None of the ladies. They've
like, we're happy to drop it.

Let's move on.

Oh, what do you have?
What do you...[gasps]

That's what I want!

Gracias, gracias, gracias.

Oh, potatoes.

If you're not gonna eat
your bacon,

can you pass it over here?
Please?

She's a vegetarian
that eats bacon.

I eat one piece of bacon...
both: A day.

- On vacation.
- Uh-huh. [chuckles]

Erika and I,
we have a lot to talk about.

After last year,
I need to understand

why she said she hated me

and why she called me
a very bad word.

Well, I think you know why.

- Because I called her a liar.
- Yeah.

Oh, by the way,
you called me a liar too...

- It is for anybody.
- And I'm not.

You make up lies
about your friends

behind their backs.
You need to stop it.

No one wants to be called
a liar, period.

But that's what I'm saying.

I'm not gonna
attack you like that.

- All right.
- I just held on to it.

Like, that's a hurt...
you know?

It is a hurtful thing.

And but we, I thought,
last night we have...

We did. I'm just saying.
And I said...

But so when we do that,

we don't go backwards.

I genuinely think
that after Crystal apologized,

Sutton and Crystal, it feels
like it should move past now.

Okay, let me ask you
a question.

Do you think Crystal realizes
she's playing a victim,

or is it mechanism
that she's used in her life

that's gotten her
to where she is?

I think it's second nature,
so I think she's been doing it.

And she's gotten away with it.

It's the way
she gets through life.

I think
because Crystal married young,

she hasn't had
a lot of life experiences

or times where she's had
to stand on her own two feet

and learn and grow.

You know, sooner or later,
it blows up in your face.

You just said,
"I've been holding on to that."

- Hmm.
- Do you do that a lot?

Hold on to stuff and wait?
- Yeah.

This could be
why people think

you're manipulative though,
when you hold on to something.

What is it? Like...
- Weaponizing.

Yes.

Manipulative is not a word
that describes me.

I'm holding onto it
because I'm trying

to internally resolve it.

And then it comes out
when I don't expect it.

And that's
what's throwing people off.

But I totally understand,
and thank you for saying that.

Totally.
- We have gotten to

the bottom of it.
- Because I keep saying

I'm processing.
- I figured it out.

- Okay, Fancy Drew.
- I'm trying to internalize.

Because I want to just...
I want it to go away

internally.
- Yeah.

In the Fancy Drew novel
of "The Case of Crystal,"

this is like chapter three.

There is so much more,

but at least
we're getting somewhere.

So I think she's got
an opportunity here to change.

To us, it feels manipulative,

but to you, you're processing.

And not everybody processes
at the same rate.

But can you...
so you can understand that.

- I get it.
- Can you update

your processor?
- You just gotta click on that.

- The Crystal update.
- You got a Crystal update.

My challenge for myself
is to hold on to it

for a much shorter time.
- Awesome.

And I will open
my mouth more.

- Awesome.
- Just don't come at me.

Oh, my God.

Coming up...

I don't need Celine Dion
to sing my [BLEEP] swan song.

- Like, seriously.
- Oh, my God, I'm lit.

[upbeat music]

♪

Hey.

Hello, hello.

Can I have my margarita,
puh-lease?

You're like...

- I'm drunk, girl.
- Oh, Jesus.

I'm drunk on two
anti-depressants

and an extended release Xanax.

- Oh, my God.
- I've never taken a Xanax.

I love drunk Rinna,
and I love drunk Erika.

- So let's bring them today.
- You love medicated Erika.

- I love medicated Erika.
- To drunk Rinna.

Yes.

[mouthing]

I have zero restrictions.

I can do anything I want.

Right, my love.

Guys, the amount of times
I've been to this marina...

muchos.

You let me know
if you need me or anything.

I am so tore up.

I've known Erika now
for seven years.

I've never seen her...
tipsy like this.

- I am so .....ed up.
- I know.

But let's be good friends
and just make sure

Erika doesn't, like,
go overboard.

And if you need some help,
just say, "Rinna, help."

Right?
- Rinna...help!

Sh...!

I'm so lit, I don't
even know what's up.

You look gorgeous.
Nobody can tell.

Guys, welcome to your boat.

Dorit knows how to do it.

You guys, it's a nice boat!

Erika,
those shoes and c*ck...

not a good combination.

Hello.

It's fine, okay?
Don't worry about me.

You good?

- Let me take my shoes off.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Wha...
- It's...the shoes.

Oh, my gosh, you just fell.

- Oh, yes.
- Oh, yes, yes, yes.

This is me.

- Blending with the cream.
- I found my landing spot.

Mine too.
[both laughing]

I love being on the water

and chartered
some really great boats.

You know, you just jump in
wherever you want.

You come out,
you have a towel.

It's just the ultimate luxury, really.

Hold on, we're dancing.
We're dancing.

- Whoo hoo!
- Hello.

But, you know,
it's not a luxury yacht.

It's a day boat,
so size matters.

Yeah, when it comes to boats,
it definitely matters.

Quick safety presentation,
then I have drinks,

we have food.

No, I don't need
any more drinks.

Like, seriously.
- Yeah.

Oh, my God,
I'm lit beyond belief.

Where are the little
safety floats in the rings?

In the back
like he just said.

Girl, I'm tore up,
and I heard this.

We have this really
great desert in the South.

It's called mud pie.

I don't need Celine Dion
to sing my [BLEEP] swan song.

Erika is mud pie messy...

- Vamanos!
- Let's go, vamanos!

[voices echoing]

And it has melted
all over the plate.

- Yeah!
- Whoo!

[upbeat music]

Hello!

Whoo!

Oh, sh..., he's gonna pull
his pants down.

Don't look!
- He pulled out his [BLEEP].

- [laughs]
- It is so limpy though.

[laughing]

♪

Oh, my God.

Look at this.

Oh, my God, this looks
like the best food we've had

the whole fricking trip.
So happy.

Your dress is literally
blowing up the whole butt.

- Where's Erika?
- Where is she?

She's downstairs.

She needs
a little bit of a rest still.

Okay, good.

You know,
I used to have a boat.

It was very cool.

It was what they call
a Yacht Fisher.

So we used to keep it
in La Paz

and like...fish.

Okay, that's it. I'm done.

Oh, my God!

Girl, I'm fine.

You're not drinking
your Coke.

I'm just taking a cat nap.
No, I did.

One little sip
is not gonna help.

- Girl.
- You need the caffeine.

- Five minutes.
- Five more minutes.

Drink your coke.

- Okay, Mom, thanks.
- You're welcome.

[upbeat music]

How did you grow up, Diana?
I'm curious.

Do you have
brothers and sisters?

I had a brother,
but he was k*lled in the w*r.

- Oh.
- Oh, okay.

I'm sorry.
- How old was he?

- 21.
- Oh.

He was
a peace keeping police

in a town called Cluj,

and he was k*lled
in the ethnic cleansing.

It took me long time
to even process that.

But the thing is like,
they couldn't find him.

They thought maybe
he got kidnapped or something.

And then they found him
in a ditch, like...

- Oh.
- I know, so sad.

My dad had to identify
the body.

- Body?
- Mm-hmm.

Life, right?

My dad committed suicide.

When it's gone like that,

and you don't get to say
goodbye, that's hard.

All roads lead to Sutton.

You all run to what other
person is going through.

Somehow she relates
everything to herself.

I'm melting.
- Wanna go in?

- Yeah.
- I love it.

But I don't have
any sunscreen on.

- Yeah, you might burn.
- I won't burn.

This doesn't feel like
conversation to me.

It feels like Sutton
wants to talk about Sutton.

She doesn't need me for that.

We're sun-sisters.

We're sun-sisters! I love it.

They need to shut it.

Coming up...

If Garcelle and I pulled up

and we said, "Hey, we're here
to [BLEEP] you and Rob,"

are you down?

[waves crashing,
sea gulls cawing]

I'm on a boat.
I'm on a boat.

Do we have food

on this "Gilligan's Island"
three-hour tour?

I actually love seeing
Erika like this, to be honest.

Me too!

She's having fun,
she's lighter.

She's like...
a different person.

Right.

And we've literally
never seen her like that.

- Ever.
- Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.

- Really?
- She feels safe with us

in order to do that.

Wait, where is everyone?
[all cheering]

She rallied.

- She lived!
- Listen.

- Yay!
- She's like a damn cat.

I'm fine, I'm just drunk.

Look, I drank a bunch of liquor

and took a bunch
of, like, medications,

so it's all right.
- We'll be okay.

Here's the thing.
I need some food.

I'm fine.
- Where'd everybody go?

Oh.

It's too quiet over here.

It was nice eating with y'all,
but I gotta move on,

have some fun.

Are you gonna get
in the water?

Perhaps. I'm looking
for a song to dance to.

I'm gonna take off
my clothes.

- Oh, okay, then.
- I'm gonna take it off.

[laughs]
Why she always coming for me?

Why are you always
coming for me?

So, Crystal, if you had
a choice of a threesome,

be two girls and Rob
or two guys and Rob,

what would you choose?
- Two girls.

Wait, I didn't ask you, bubby.

- Me and Erika and Rob.
- Oh, hey, b*tch.

Would you do it though?

If Garcelle and I pulled up,
and we said,

"Hey, we're in the Uber.

"We're here to [BLEEP]
you and Rob,"

are you down?

- What?
- They're beautiful women.

But that's not my jam.

What kind of Uber is it?

It doesn't matter.
The p*ssy's there.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh!

[Erica Jayne's "Xxpen$ive"
playing]

- Oh, my favorite.
- Oh!

- Diane!
- Come on!

♪ She ain't gotta buy it
with no try on ♪

all: [singing]
♪ It's expensive to be me

♪

♪ Looking this good
don't come for free ♪

♪ b*tch, what?

♪ That's just who I be

♪ It's expensive to be me

- Whoo!
- Yeah!

It's expensive to be me.

- Whoo!
- Diana's swimming.

She jumped off the boat?

- Is Diana okay?
- I'll check on her.

I got stung by jellyfish.

- No, right now?
- She got stung by a jellyfish.

- Oh, sh**t.
- Yeah, she got stung.

Leave me alone.

Do I have to pee on you?
Jellyfish?

- I don't see anything.
- Gonna come out.

- Ah, sh...
- Is that antiseptic?

Yeah.

So I was trying to...
well, into the beach...

You're trying to escape.

You're trying to jump ship literally.

- Garcelle.
- Yeah?

Go down and pee
on that new girl.

[laughs] I'm not peeing
on the new girl.

Do you want me to pee on her?

Like, I'd probably kinda get

some kind of fetish sh...
out of it.

- What?
- Yeah, you heard me right.

So can we not go in?
Are we too scared?

I'm not going
in that water now.

I was gonna go,
but no .....ing way.

Well, I was gonna jump in,
but now I'm scared.

Yeah,
you have to be really careful.

No,
I'm not swimming out there.

I'm not gonna be
Natalie Wood today. No, no.

Nah, hell no, b*tch. Whatever.

She was stung by a jellyfish.

Garcelle is really upset
about it.

Erika's really concerned too.

[all laughing]

- Is she alive?
- She's alive.

Okay, great.

Erika's knocked out cold,

Diana's been stung
by a jellyfish,

and it's still
one of our better boat rides.

- Then do it.
- Pick on somebody you're own...

Don't you ever
get in my face, Lisa.

Please [BLEEP] off.

Never have I ever...

stolen anything.

- Honestly, it's not that bad.
- I'm gonna go in.

Are you going in?
I wanna go in, but I'm like...

I might just go in.
Let's just do it.

[sighs] I hope
I don't get stung though.

It's gorgeous.
It's like unbelievable.

I'm sorry that Diana
got stung by a jellyfish.

That's not my intention.
[all laughing]

For someone who's tired,
you're sure talking a lot.

Okay, fine, I would love to,
like, not try to...

Buenos noches, amiga.

Wait, wait, wait.

Hi.

She okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

- Ah!
- Ten seconds!

Ten seconds, she lasted.

Oh, [BLEEP] off.
She asked if I was okay.

Ten seconds.

Those b*tches are still
in the water.

Do you think that Diana
jumped off because of you?

Maybe.

Diana just said
she was fleeing to the shore.

Well,
she didn't .....ing make it.

She's alive again.

- I'm am a Virgo, this is...
- You're not running her off.

My mother's a Virgo.
We don't get along.

They don't get along.
You're all Virgos.

No, my mother's a Cancer.
We get along very well.

- Well, they're all Virgos.
- I'd like to meet Reba.

- No, you don't.
- Oh.

Reba be handing it
to you cold.

Am I right, or am I right?
- You're harsh.

We were brought up
in the South,

and I think Sutton may
back me up on this.

It's not cuddly, cozy.
- Yeah.

We're steel magnolias.

I think with my dad,
in that way,

she was just, like...

There's a lot of Dad in this.

Don't you miss him?

Like a little?

My relation to him was
totally different from yours.

I don't miss him.

- We don't [BLEEP] around.
- Mm-mm.

And don't mess with people
that we love.

- Right.
- Or we'll get you.

- Y'all are gangsters.
- Yeah, we're...

No,
we're just agricultural people

that didn't have a chance.
- It's cultural.

It's cultural.
We're from a farming state

where it is like agriculture
was our thing.

We didn't have textiles,
or something like that.

[quirky music]

I have no idea what Erika's
talking about now.

It just doesn't make sense.

So if you didn't work,
you didn't get paid.

- Okay.
- [laughs]

- Sorry for you.
- Put your hat on, Erika.

Oh, shut up, Kyle.

I'ma put my hat on,
and I'm going to sleep.

- Go the [BLEEP] to sleep.
- Thank you.

[romantic music]

♪

Excuse me.

[laughter echoing]

So cute!

Hey, Erika?

Erika? [echoing]

Hey, Erika?

- We're here.
- Yes? Are we here?

- Yeah.
- All right.

Whoo.

My God, we're already here.

All right, let's go, guys.
Get your purses and your shoes.

- Did you rest well?
- Yeah, I passed out.

Okay, good.

Thank you.

Have a lovely afternoon.

Oh, my God,
I ruined this couch.

Oh, sh...
How much is that gonna cost?

I'll pay for it.

I don't know.

Try maybe wearing
not so much body makeup.

I ruined that sofa.

- Oh, you know what?
- Well, whatever.

Coming up...

Denise is coming
to my party,

and I can't believe
you're not gonna be there.

- Okay, you know what?
- What?

- I did reach out to Denise...
- [gasps]

About a month ago.

[upbeat music]

♪

- How're you doing?
- Oh, I'm okay, baby.

I'm okay. I'm excited
to see you guys.

That's for sure.

What were you watching?

Okay.

Do you think
the bow should be bigger?

Um, yeah.

Right, what do you think?

- What are you gonna wear?
- I don't know.

I actually just texted Garcelle
to see what she's wearing.

She's wearing
a flowy, long dress.

That helps me not.

Okay, well, I mean.

It's so pretty.

It's always better to be
overdressed than underdressed.

- Mm-hmm.
- You only live once.

[phone ringing]
Excuse me, I have a phone call.

Okay, what are you thinking
of wearing?

I'm gonna wear
the white Dolce.

Okay, let's talk real quick.

What the [BLEEP]

with Erika?

[whispering]
Can you handle it?

I think she's tired.

She seemed tired.

I'm a little nervous
for her

because I think she's mixing
too many meds

and then having alcohol.

She had three margaritas,
she said.

Erika's lost everything.

Maybe it's a cry for help.

I don't know.

I do know that Xanax
and alcohol

are never a good combo.

Do you think
she's gonna be okay tonight?

Do you think she's showing up?

Erika's gonna be buttoned up,
like...

♪ Woke up feeling blessed

♪ Oh, I ain't got no stress

♪ I'm ready to see
what's next ♪

♪ Feeling good today

Unless she has a c*ck.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Hi!
- Let me spin.

Vintage Gucci.
- Yes, Rinna.

So pretty.

Señor, un otro.

Are y'all doing
tequila shots?

- Yes.
- Yeah!

You want one?
Come on, let's go.

♪ Here comes the bride

- Yes, are we getting married?
- Ow!

You do look like a bride.

♪ It's expensive to be me

- ♪ Hey, eh eh eh eh
- Wow, that's gorgeous.

Here, scoot,
I'ma sit next to you.

Come on, scoot.

Erika, are you having coffee?

- Huh?
- Are you having coffee?

Already had three espressos.

Oh, good, good, good.

Yeah,
I'm trying to rally, Garcelle.

I'm trying to get it back up.
- To health.

To health.
all: To health.

To being, uh, awake.

Erika doesn't remember anything.

She goes,
"Did I sleep the entire time?"

- Shut up.
- I swear to God.

I said, "You did."

Do I remember myself
sitting on that sofa?

Don't do that, please.
Have respect for the boat.

[laughter]

What can I say?

Wasn't that great of a day.

Come on, bride.

If y'all call me bride again,
I'm gonna k*ll you.

- You look so pretty!
- Oh, Dorit.

- Hello.
- Hi!

Okay, Diana's here.
Diana's here.

[all speaking at once]
- There she is, there she is.

Okay, we gotta go.

We look like a happy couple.

Ah!

[upbeat music]

♪

- Are we here?
- Gracias, señor.

Are we going to pharmacy?

What are you gonna buy,
Dorit?

Do they have joints?

- No, they don't have that.
- Viagra?

- Okay, guys, come on.
- Let's go to the dinner.

Do you guys
have a reservation?

Si, claro que si.

Okay, please follow me.

This is so pretty.

Whoo!

I like it, I like it,
I like it. It's perfect.

Hola, señoritas.

Buenos noches.

Would you like to start
with drinks?

Crystalino?

Crystalino,
want to start with that?

Straight up.

You have
the Dragones, right?

[speaking in Spanish]

Una margarita
on la rocas sin sal.

Okay, muy bien.

- Hey, guys?
- Garcelle, my darling.

I just wanna say, next week

I am inviting everyone here

to celebrate my birthday.
- Ah!

No gifts necessary.

I just want you guys to come,
have fun, dance.

- No gifts necessary...
- Ha!

But welcome.

If you don't bring one,
I'm gonna notice.

I'm gonna start
calling Garcelle "Can Opener."

Garcelle's
just gotta open a can.

That's from Crystal, Kathy,
and me.

Dad-gum it,
I didn't bring a present.

In fact,
for her next birthday party,

I'm gonna give her
a can opener.

Like, a very fancy one.

It's just gonna be
really fun,

and I just want you guys
to have a good time.

- Are we gonna dance?
- We're gonna dance.

Well, you all dance
in my honor

because you know
I'm gonna be in New York

for Harry's "Hot Zone"
premiere.

I'm so excited to support
Harry Hamlin

at the premiere of
"The Hot Zone: Anthrax."

And Harry plays Tom Brokaw.

- He's deep and high like that.
- And then deep and high

at the same time,
that's exactly right.

Deep and high
at the same time.

And his vowels always go like,
[deepening tone] "Today."

He's brilliant, of course,
because he's Harry Hamlin.

Not that I wanna
bring this up,

but I think Denise
is coming to my party,

and I can't believe
you're not gonna be there.

I...I'm happy she's coming.

I hope you have a great time.
- It'll be nice to see her.

It will be so nice
to see her.

- Yeah.
- Wonderful.

Yeah.

I thought maybe
with Denise coming,

Rinna would actually show up

and fix things with Denise

on neutral ground.

[dramatic music]

Denise and I, you know,

there's a whole lot
of history there.

If everyone
kept coming at you,

I would, as your friend, say,
"Stop, guys. Let's..."

There's where I feel like you
have not been a friend to me.

You sent a cease and desist.

Who told you that?

Oh, you're so angry.

It's interesting
that she's telling me

Denise is gonna be there
when I'm not gonna be there.

But would she have told me
if I was gonna be there?

Only Garcelle will know.

- Okay, you know what?
- What?

- I did reach out to Denise...
- [gasps]

About a month ago.

Why have you been
holding...lead with this!

'Cause it didn't end good.

[dramatic music]

Denise is coming
to my party,

and I can't believe
you're not gonna be there.

- Okay, you know what?
- What?

- I did reach out to Denise...
- [gasps]

About a month ago.

Why have you been
holding...lead with this!

'Cause it didn't end good.

I reached out, and I...
to send her a text.

And I said, "I wanna apologize
to you for how I behaved."

I wasn't the one
that kept bringing it up

every single dinner.
- Yes, you were.

[all speaking at once]
♪ Gaslighting, gaslighting

That's what I have to say
about all this bullsh...

Good job, Denise. Good Job.

She texts me back,

and I think it was just
a nice moment.

- Oh, that's great.
- Good.

That's great.

I felt that
that was the time,

and so I did.

Garcelle was very adamant

about how she'd like me
to reach out to Denise.

I would love to see a reach
out to Denise at some point.

This wasn't about Garcelle.

This was about me and Denise.

Did she
receive the text well?

She did.
She thanked me for it.

She was kind enough to say
she appreciated it,

and that it made her feel good.
It was not long exchange.

Good.
And you felt better, probably.

Of course.

I'm texting Denise to see
if she did hear from Rinna.

Not saying Rinna's lying.

[text notification chimes]

It, like, just came over me
like that.

I'm not kidding.
- Wow.

Well, no one ever said
you weren't impressive.

No one ever said that, no.

[text notification chimes]
- Ha!

Denise's response is "When?"

[laughs]

Not "when"! How many times
has she talked to the b*tch?

- Are you ready to order?
- Yes. I'd love the burrata.

I'm gonna have oysters
and lobster.

Yeah, I'll do the same.

So how are you feeling
on the trip?

You know, I've never been
on a girls' trip in my life.

That's what I heard,
never a girls' trip.

I hadn't either,
don't worry about it.

Never.

You guys
have been good to me.

To be honest, like,
I've been really loved.

I felt from beginning
welcomed by this group.

Do you like
some more than others?

[laughs]

We're just being silly.

Oh, she's not.

- No, you're not being silly.
- Shut up, Dorit.

There was a moon eclipse
last night,

and I did have
a little meltdown.

But apart from that, I think
you all are spectacular.

Like, really.

Diana saying everybody
is "spectacular" is more BS.

She would rather get stung
by a jellyfish

than talk to us.
It's obvious.

I have to say,
last night though,

when Dorit asked you
about your book,

I felt like you didn't want
to talk about it.

have you guys seen her book?

What is it? Tell me.

I feel like I have.

Well, tell it again.

I feel like we had
this conversation.

It felt a little rude to me

because Dorit was trying
to find out about you,

so it felt
like you shut it down.

I get really uncomfortable
about writing.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

And I have
to toot my own horn,

I get really kind of like...
- Shy.

- Yeah.
- I get that.

Yeah.
Funny thing is, Garcelle,

you are the most
unwelcoming.

I've tried to break the wall,
and didn't quite work.

It's Garcelle
who's missing on friendship.

It's her loss.

- Erika?
- Yeah?

Throw this down there.
We have so much extra food.

Oh, you have
so much calamari?

- We have calamari here.
- We used to tell my son

that this was chicken
with the holes

so he didn't think it was...
he didn't know what it was.

Calamari.
Yeah, chicken with the holes.

Well, what if they got
the leg part?

What was that called?
- The testicles, right?

T-test...
- Not testicles. Tentacles.

[laughs]

Speaking of testicles,
can you believe that dude today

on the boat?
- Oh, my God!

I missed that.

Pulled his pants down.

Straight up
swinging it around like...

It was very pink.

Ew!

.....ing hell, we're talking
about penises.

I have a date
when I get back.

You do? Where you going?

I don't know yet.

Did you meet him on the app?

- On the Bumble.
- On the Bumble.

Can you believe them? Now?

They're sitting next to each
other talking right now.

It's awesome.
It makes me happy.

Oh, b*tch, he's hot, yeah.
If you can get some-a that...

He's younger than me.

I know, I saw that,
but that's okay.

He's a cowboy.
- What's going on over there?

Hold on a second.

If he...no, no, no.

- Really, is that your thing?
- Maybe.

I didn't know.
I'm just asking.

Their on their phone...I know.

Erika's so tough, and I
really don't like her actions,

but sometimes
she's kind of funny.

I don't either.

I want a lot of d*ck.

Well, I don't put
it in that way.

And I don't care
what it looks like.

Just wanna have a lot of sex.

And I like funny people.

This trip, guys,

there's two people here
that has made small steps.

I noticed that too.

I don't put expectations
on anything.

Nice moments
are nice moments for me,

and that's where I'm at.

We still need
to work things out,

but it's definitely steps
in the right direction.

We have issues
that we need to deal with.

However, there are people
here at this table...

That we love more.

I feel it,
and I thank you both for it.

Well, look,
you lost your mother.

I'm not gonna come here and...
- we're not gonna do that.

Right.

We don't wanna be pushed...
- We don't need any help.

- Either.
- No, we're not gonna be pushed

We're not gonna be pushed.

We're kind of
very similar people.

I don't do well when
people force sh... on me.

Why is it a big deal

when I'm nice to someone
or I call someone a [BLEEP]?

When I let people know
how I feel,

if I fall asleep on the boat...

can I just be me?

We don't need to be making them comfortable.

- No, this is it.
- It's between us.

- Yeah.
- Right.

But I will say, I hope

that you have been real
with me this weekend.

- Mm. Mm-hmm.
- Do you know what I mean?

I think
you would have felt it.

You're not dumb.

I have walked this walk
with Erika before.

I had to lash out,
and I apologize.

Don't...you don't have
to apologize.

But the important part

is that
we can keep going forward.

I'm not gonna ruin
everybody else's trip

just because I hate Sutton.

- Not an easy sitch.
- No, not at all.

That's why
it doesn't need commentary.

No.

I have a lot to say to Erika.

I'm not scared of her,

and that scares her.

But I'm gonna take one
for the team

and be her friend
because I'm the bigger person.

I'm the adult now.

We get each other in a way
that people don't understand.

She pushes everybody.

She pushes everybody over.

Ugh.

Can we raise our glass
one last time to Lois?

- Yes.
- To Lois.

- Never one last time...
- Never one last time.

[all speaking at once]

- I love this trip.
- Yes.

- Dorit, thank you.
- This is awesome.

Thank you to Dorit.

You know what? I wanna say
one thing also, guys,

I was very apprehensive

to kind of leave my bubble
after Lois...

transitioned.

And I have to say that knowing
that I was coming

to be with all of you,

I felt safe, and I felt okay,

and I just appreciate
all of you being here.

And I know Lois does too,

so thank you for that.

- To Lois.
- Thank you.

Thank you, thank you.
- To Lois.

- Thank you.
- We love you.

Thank you, guys.

- I love your zest for life.
- Aw.

I think you got that
from Lois.

- For sure.
- And I love that.

- This is a nice trip.
- I know, it was a nice trip.

- Yeah.
- Means a lot.

- Thanks, Dorit.
- Thanks Dorit.

I think you guys
have said it all,

but I will say this,

and it really is, you know,
when you go through a journey,

any kind of journey,
learning about one another

and growing
and going through conflict

is those emotions
are exaggerated on a level

and heightened.

A lot of the journey, we do it.
We do it independently.

We do it collectively.

And if I can echo
what Rinna said, you know...

a whole host of emotions

we all feel
at any given moment.

And when you come up back
of what I've come off of...

how I would feel

and whether it would just be
one of those things

that was part of my journey...
[voice fading]

I look forward to
a lot of untimed...

laughter, drinks, dancing,
celebrating your birthday.

And all I can say is...

Wait,
what is she laughing about?

Because I'm long-winded.

The b*tch is dying.
It's gone on and on.

Um, but thank you, guys.

Thank you, and cheers.

all: Cheers.

Okay, it's time to go home.

It's time. Let's go, bye-bye.

Coming up...

I said,
"Can I sit with y'all?"

She said,
"Go to your original seat."

That's rude. I'm sorry.

- I can get my own plane.
- Yes, you can.

[upbeat music]

♪

All right, ladies, let's go.

Getting into the van
right now.

Pick that dress up, girl.

You hold my train.

I love it,
my shoes fell down.

Party's over for these shoes.

- Thank you.
- Night night.

We're supposed to be quiet
in the lobby.

Shh!

People go to bed
at a nice, decent hour.

Oh, let me go over here.

Dorit's not ready to go to bed,
I know.

What?
You're gonna go to the bar?

- The pressure is on.
- Oh, hell .....ing no.

I'll go if you wanna go.

I'll go to the bar with you
if you wanna go.

Oh, let me twist your arm.

- Good night.
- Good night, baby.

both: Mwah!

Okay, we're going over here.

Good night.

I can't stand
when people are boring.

Don't they know
we're on vacation?

What are you having?

- Don Julio 1942.
- Okay.

Thank you so much.

Why am I the only one who knows
how to have fun around here?

Gosh.

Losers.

Can I just say,

am I grateful for today
and tonight?

I really am. I really am.

Is it because they were
talking...because Sutton...

Oh, my God.

- And Crystal were...
- Done.

And by the way, I saw them
walking out to dinner

arm-in-arm.

She's literally
black or white.

There's no gray area
with Sutton.

I mean, look what happened
with Sutton and you.

Sutton talking to you like that
really threw you off

'cause you're not used to that.

- I'm a very good person.
- You told us that already.

- I'm gonna say it again.
- How's that...

I'm going to say it again
until you can...

Sutton. Sutton, Sutton, wait.

- What made you so emotional?
- What made you so upset?

'Cause I was trying to help.

That reaction
just did not feel...

it felt so off...
- She's extremely reactive.

And misdirected.

The problem with her is that
she contradicts herself a lot.

I hear the, like, "I'm
a vegetarian, I eat bacon."

I mean, I'm just saying.
- [laughs] That's so funny.

I've never thought about that.

I don't think
Diana's fragile,

but I'm starting to figure out

that when Diana is quiet,
something's brewing.

The first lunch together,
she said, like,

"I don't respond well
to yelling and violence."

I used to be so aggressive.

Like, so aggressive,
and I was scary, really scary.

I don't mind confrontation.
I don't like screaming.

I just don't like that.

I was really surprised
that that's how she came at me.

And I said to her
also at the same lunch,

"You get to do this once."

Once.

So that was her one time.

We could have been friends,
but now you blew it.

- Sort of.
- Oh.

I think Diana's a sweetheart.

I also think
she has a tough side.

She's not gonna be
taken advantage of.

She's not gonna let
someone push her around.

That, I respect.

And truly, like,
I work hard on myself.

But, you know, she could have
gotten headbutted.

The thing is like,
I am Bosnian.

I wouldn't want to mess with
someone who's from Bosnia.

♪ Disappear like poof

♪ Then I'm gone
for the night ♪

♪ In another city,
had to catch the next flight ♪

♪ All right

Maybe...

♪ Gotta do it big, you
don't get to live it twice ♪

♪ All right

Hey, let's go.

[upbeat music]

Hi.

Okay, will you take
one of me smiling?

- Of course.
- Okay, thank you.

Are we sitting
any which way?

Any way you want.

Oh, you would like
to sit this way.

Why don't you sit here?

No, I'll sit...no,
I'll go sit over here.

Perfect, yeah.

Last night, you said you
liked everybody in the group,

so all of a sudden,
I can't sit next to you?

Okay, meanie pants.

- Oh, Diana, thank you.
- Thank you.

I am so excited.

So, okay,
tell me exactly what happened.

I said,
"Can I sit with y'all?"

Yeah.

She said,
"Go to your original seat."

That's rude.
I'm sorry, that's rude.

Is this where you sat?

- No, I sat over here.
- You sat there.

Well, that was retaliation,

so we see how it works.

We see how it works.

The girl who says
she doesn't hold a grudge

clearly holds a grudge.

I can get my own plane.

- Yes, you can.
- Yes, I can.

If you got on my plane,

I don't tell you where to sit,
Okay?

Well, listen,
if you send her flowers

to say thank you
for using the plane,

you don't have to add my name.
- I'm not gonna do that.

Okay, thank you.

[dramatic music]

Next time on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills."

- We ready?
- Yeah.

- Gorgeous.
- Yeah, there we go.

Love this jacket.

That's a wrap!
[all cheering]

Diana's text message.

"I'm telling you this

so that Garcelle
doesn't think I'm rude."

Mm. No, no.

When you jab at Diana,
it's nuclear.

Oh, I'm so excited
for my birthday.

I wanna go all out.

That'll be fun!
- Yeah!

Ready to party.

Let's go dance!

Ah!

What are you doing to me?

Yes!

You all her mouthpiece?

She doesn't need me
to be her mouthpiece.

Like I know she's frail
and old, so I get it.

That's bullsh...,
and what you're not gonna do

is you're not gonna mess up
my birthday, so good night.

You need a new villain?
Here I am.