Big Baby (2025)

[bunniefuu]

Welcome to act two of...

...Blood Soaked.

The biggest,

bloodiest movie review podcast

in the history of the world,

as usual I'm Vampire Greg.

And I'm Steve Strange.

And we're just gonna

jump right in

with our review of the movie

The Blackest Moon.

Really? No, no, small talk?

No, "How was your weekend,

Greg?"

Uh, no,

if you watched this movie,

then I know how your

weekend was.

Well,

let's just say that, uh,

let's just say that

The Blackest Moon might be one

of the worstest movies

I have ever seen.

Ooh, ouch. The worstest?

Look,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

but this movie, straight up

dog sh*t.

Okay, all right. Come on, Greg.

I think I actually prefer

dog sh*t.

No, you know

what, Steve? You know what?

You're right. Well, I take

that back. That's fair,

because I stepped

in dog sh*t yesterday,

and I actually did prefer that.

Bro, you know what I'm saying?

All right.

Who wrote this monstrosity, anyway?

Let me take

a, lemme take a peek here.

I got, uh, um, Adam,

Adam Lewis.

- Adam Lewis, looks like.

- Mm, Adam Lewis, okay.

Well, Mr. Lewis,

if you are listening

to this podcast, I have

some advice for you.

And what is that, Steve?

Just k*ll yourself.

f*cking piece of sh*t,

assholes!

-What's going on?

-Nothing.

Just these f*cking

podcast morons.

Babe, why do

you listen to that stuff?

You know, it's meaningless,

right?

I don't know.

Maybe in the hopes that

someone somewhere

will say something f*cking nice.

Who cares?

I mean, they've never

written a script before.

They don't even know

the first thing about it.

Okay. Then why do you care?

I, I don't.

Seems like you do.

Let's forget it. Okay?

Look, just come sit next to me.

I'll tell you nice things.

Lemme just finish listening

to this first, okay?

Okay.

You're crazy.

- Terrible.

- The fact that he's writing

horror movies, I, I wish

there was a horror movie

about how horrible

horror movies can be.

It's just maddening. You know?

The level of unchecked,

uninformed criticism

that goes on in this world.

I mean, I'm just trying

to contribute, you know?

Entertain people,

make them think.

What I get in return?

You know, I get,

I get f*cking torn apart.

We're still talking about this,

huh?

Yeah, well, yeah.

You only focus on the negative.

Okay?

Plenty of people love

what you do.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-You think so?

-Yeah.

Yeah, mm, no, no.

I'm not sure anyone loves

anything anymore.

You know, when I was a kid,

I loved everything. Everything.

I was just so grateful that

all this stuff existed.

That there were these like

magical creative people out

there in the world making TV

or movies or whatever, you know?

My first instinct,

it wasn't just

to sh*t all over something.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, no, I know, I just,

you know, you're,

you're not a kid anymore, okay?

And honestly, you can be

pretty critical yourself.

Whoa. Okay.

That's totally different

'cause my opinion comes

from an informed place.

- Oh, okay, well,

- Mm-hmm.

I don't know,

maybe the people

with something positive

to say don't feel

the need to broadcast it.

You know, it's,

it's the culture.

The negative rises to the top,

gets the clicks,

-blah, blah, blah, whatever.

-Yeah, I know, I know.

Okay, well,

you can't get sucked into it.

I know, but don't you think

it's f*cked up? What they...

You get to write for a living.

You, you get paid to make up

scary stories. Paid real money.

Do you know how rare that is?

I mean, who cares if you

never win an Academy Award?

I mean, just do what you

do and try to be happy.

What do you mean, who

cares if I don't win

an Academy Award?

You don't think I'm good enough

to win an Academy Award?

Okay.

No, come on, that, mm,

that's not what I meant.

You, I meant,

look, don't,

don't twist this on me, okay,

please?

No, no, no, no. I think

I do know what you meant.

I think you meant

exactly what you said.

Adam, come on, you're just

trying to fight with me.

No, no, no, no. I don't,

I don't wanna fight, you know?

It's just, you know,

maybe I do care

if I win an Academy Award.

Maybe it matters to me

that I'm great.

-You are great.

-Okay.

You are, and I love you,

and I want the best for you.

And I think I've proven to you

over all these years

that I am your

biggest supporter, haven't I?

Yeah. Yeah, you have.

You're right.

And I'm sorry.

I, I'm just really stressed

right now.

Baby, you can't control

what people think. Okay?

So if there's no joy in it,

what's the point?

Haven't you ever heard

of suffering for your art?

Yeah,

but you're not suffering.

You're successful.

And any one of those idiots

would trade places

with you in a heartbeat.

- Don't you see that?

- Yeah, I'm not sure.

- Can we go to sleep, please?

- Uh, I don't know.

Please?

-Sleep?

-Mm.

I don't think I can

sleep right now. Okay?

I think I'm gonna stay up

and try to write a little bit.

Okay? Who knows?

Maybe the universe will

graciously grant me

some brilliant idea

and get me outta this funk.

Okay, well, suit yourself.

You suffer,

I'll sleep.

Ooh.

Oh.

Baby.

- Adam, help!

- Kate.

- Help!

- Kate!

I'm telling you,

this was the most visceral dream

I've ever experienced.

I mean, even now,

I'm not even totally convinced

that that thing didn't even

really happen.

Well, I think I can

tell you with certainty

that it didn't, I'm alive.

Okay, well,

obviously you didn't get chopped

to bits by some giant-sized

baby man.

But I'm just saying,

it felt like more

than just, you know,

a nightmare.

Felt like,

I don't know. I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know either.

This, this was one of

those out-of-body experiences

that people talk about.

But not really

'cause I think in those,

you feel like you're,

you know, watching it.

You know? I was living this.

Oh, I was definitely living it.

Maybe it's the universe.

-What do you mean?

-Last night you told me

maybe the universe would

deliver you an idea.

Well, maybe this is it.

See, I listen when you talk.

Yeah, no, mm, nah, nah, nah.

I don't know, I don't know.

I mean, I'm not

exactly sure what I would do

with what, like a slasher flick?

-Yeah.

-Gross.

I'm not interested in that.

Why? I, I, I mean,

you watch them

all the time, right?

And you could elevate it.

You could make it your own.

-I could definitely do that.

-Mm-hmm.

-I could totally do that.

-Mm-hmm.

I mean,

it, it, it is a cool character,

design-wise, at least.

And, you know, I've always

thought that creating

some kind of

a franchise property,

I thought that that would be

a good idea.

I mean, the merchandising alone,

that could be big,

but it's gotta be smart.

-You know what I mean?

-Look, you're excited.

This is good.

This is really good.

-Yeah, this is good.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-This is, this is,

this is definitely good.

Okay, well, ten pages minimum.

I believe in you.

All right.

I gotta get the f*ck outta here

because some of us work

for a living,

we don't drink all night.

Oh, don't drink all, okay,

you watch, you watch, babe.

I'm gonna have

the whole script done

by the time you come back.

Ha-ha-ha-ha. f*ck yeah.

Okay, look,

I'm not saying this thing I saw

in my dream actually cut

a hole in the bedding,

I'm just saying, it's pretty

f*cking strange there's a hole

in the bedding exactly

where he swung a f*cking ax.

I mean, it's not that strange.

-It's not?

-I'm sure the hole

was already there, and the dream

just freaked you out enough

that you're putting

the two things together.

It's a coincidence.

-Yeah.

-Was there blood?

-No.

-Is Kate still alive?

Yeah. Obviously she's alive.

I mean, there's a rip

in your blanket.

What do you want me to say?

Buy a new f*cking blanket.

I'm excited you have a new idea.

It sounds kind of cool,

Baby Man!

Ah, f*ck off.

Bro, this like

baby guy k*ller thing

is scary sh*t.

You just gotta get to work, man.

Get to f*cking work.

Stop hanging out with me,

I'm like the single

worst influence

in productivity there is.

This is very true, very true.

All right, uh, yeah. I guess

I'm gonna hit the bathroom,

and then I should probably

get going.

My goal was ten pages today,

and I'm sitting at exactly zero

so far.

Hey, man, zero pages

have been my average

for the last year and a half.

Go, get the f*ck outta here.

-Go!

-All right.

I'll see ya.

Jesus Christ.

sh*t.

Let go! No!

-How you doing?

-Hey, uh, yeah, I'm good.

Can I get a coffee to go,

please?

-Sure, all right,

-Large.

-it's gonna be 4.25, man.

-All right.

Cool. It's gonna be

at the end of the bar.

Thank you.

No, not by any,

not by, are you kidding?

Not by any stretch

of the imagination.

- Dude.

- Here you go.

Yeah, I mean,

yeah, that's kind of, okay.

No, but Jordan Peele?

Seriously, can we agree,

total hack. Right?

Perhaps the biggest hack

of the 21st century

uh, horror filmmaking period.

- You know?

- Uh, well, I don't know

- if I'd go that far,

- Okay.

but I will say this,

-Nope is not a horror--

-Hey, guys.

Ah, I'm sorry to interrupt,

but I couldn't help

but overhear your conversation.

I mean, you guys,

you sound like

real movie experts.

Well, mainly horror films,

that's, ah,

that's kind of our,

our wheelhouse

for the most part.

-Are you serious, horror?

-Yeah.

Are you, you a fan or?

Yeah, yeah,

yeah. I am, I'm a big fan.

I mean, I probably

don't know as much

as you guys do, though.

I mean,

I'm no expert or anything.

Well, actually, we, we have

a podcast called Blood Soaked.

We review horror films.

You could learn a lot.

Um, you heard of us, or?

I don't think so,

but it does sound familiar.

Really? I mean,

we're streaming on,

I think we're on

all platforms now, right?

And we got the YouTube channel,

of course.

-Mm-hmm.

-That's huge, you know.

-Are you ser, YouTube?

-Yeah.

That is so cool. Okay,

I'll definitely check that out.

Hey, you guys, you,

you wanna know

what my favorite

horror movie is?

Oh, let me guess, let me guess.

Ah, S cream or--

No.

No, no, no, no.

It's not Scream, okay?

It's, it's kind of a,

a more recent one.

You, you guys probably

have never even seen it.

It's called The Blackest Moon.

- Oh, no, no.

- No.

-You did not just say that.

-No, what?

-Oh my God.

-What?

Ah, it's just, um, it's honestly

just a piece of sh*t.

Like we, so, okay, so we,

we actually did a review

-of that in the most recent...

-Uh-huh.

-...episode of the podcast.

-Okay.

Yeah, it's dog sh*t,

but look, hey,

but if you like it, dude,

that's cool.

But this is the thing though.

This is what's up.

I didn't just like it, no,

I actually wrote it.

What do, you, you wrote it?

Yeah, I'm the guy you said

should go k*ll himself

if he ever considered

writing another script.

Listen, it,

it's all in good fun, man,

but, um,

if you can't handle a joke,

then maybe you shouldn't

be doing what you do.

Oh, or maybe

you didn't actually,

you know, understand the movie?

Huh? You ever think about that?

Maybe if you had paid

closer attention to the story,

you could have appreciated

some of the, you know,

some of the subtext,

some of the deeper concepts.

Yeah, um, I don't know

about all that, man,

but, um, it was just

f*cking boring.

Wow, okay.

All right, cool.

Well, you, you know,

you're probably right.

It, it, uh, sorry,

I'm just probably being

too sensitive

about the whole thing.

You were probably right

about the script.

-It's, it's not that good.

-Yeah, man.

It just wasn't, but, um,

yeah, no, um, no hard feelings.

Yeah, for sure. Okay, cool.

Well, I gotta get going.

It was really nice meeting you.

Okay, see ya.

Oh, one more thing.

f*ck you.

What the f*ck?

-f*ck you too.

-Hey, what the?

Hey, grab that guy!

So anything exciting

happen today?

Ah, nah, not really.

You?

Uh, hey, babe,

where'd this blanket come from?

Oh, yeah, that.

Ah, I bought that today,

kind of on a whim.

You know,

thought it might be nice

to spruce up the place.

It's bright.

Oh, she doesn't like it.

Sorry.

Okay. So what else?

How'd writing go?

Good, good, yeah.

You know,

I didn't get much done,

but I got a title.

A title? That's it?

Hey, come on. You know,

it's a process.

Okay, well, what's the title?

Big Baby.

-Really?

-Yeah, what?

Nothing, I just didn't realize

you were writing

an autobiography.

You are hilarious.

I know.

I am very funny and cute.

-You're very lucky.

-Yes.

-Yes.

-This is all true.

Wanna get drunk?

Yes.

- You drank a lot.

- Thank you.

There you go.

Do you ever like

just think about

like how incredibly bizarre

everything is?

-What do you mean?

-Ah.

Uh, I mean, okay, so like,

like human beings.

Like do you,

do you ever think about

how f*cking weird we are?

I think about how weird

you are all the time.

Yeah, back at ya.

But no, I'm serious.

Like, like the lengths

we go to just

like amuse ourselves.

Like have you ever thought

about the enormous monetary,

technical, engineering prowess

that goes into building

a roller coaster?

-Did you just say prowess?

-It's a word.

Yeah, I know it's a word.

I just never heard you

use it before.

Uh, okay, I'm serious.

Like all of that effort. Right?

Just so we can go, ah,

for like two minutes.

Not a fan of roller coasters

Or like, okay, movies, right?

-Mm-hmm.

-Okay, so, so think about

-what you do, right?

-Okay.

So you're making up these people

or monsters or whatever.

And then adults pay other adults

like a f*ck load of money

to pretend to be

these pretend people.

And then other people film it,

and then other people come

and they wanna watch it,

and it's really f*cking weird.

Why is that weird?

Uh, uh, I don't know.

I mean, eh, eh, other animals

don't do sh*t like that, right?

Yeah, no, I, I don't think

cats have developed

the technology to build

roller coasters yet.

- M-maybe one...

- No.

-Okay, monkeys right?

-Uh-huh.

Do, do, do they put on

little monkey plays

and tell monkey jokes

to the other monkeys?

I don't know.

Ah, maybe, yeah, probably.

-They probably do.

-Oh, okay.

Yeah?

Okay, look, you're

serious about this. Okay.

Um, I can't speak for monkeys,

but I think that we inherently

as human beings,

we have this need to

tell and to hear stories.

And I mean,

it's not a modern thing.

It's been going on

since the, the cave days.

I know, but why?

I don't know.

Maybe it keeps us

from disappearing. You know?

Maybe we have this like energy

of thought that just needs

to be released and received

by others.

And if it stays locked away

and has nowhere to go,

then maybe bad things

can happen.

Or maybe

nothing at all can happen.

I don't know.

Or maybe we actually have

the power to control reality

through our creative thoughts.

-What?

-I don't know, Jesus Christ.

I'm doing

the f*cking best I can.

I'm f*cking drunk, girl.

Oh my God.

What?

I have a really good

monkey joke.

Oh, okay.

-You ready?

-I don't know.

How did the monkey

get down the stairs so fast?

I don't know. How did the monkey

get downstairs so fast?

He slid down

the bananaster.

That is so stupid.

-That's good.

-Oh, yeah.

-That's a good one.

-I know.

It was good. You'd k*ll it

in the jungle.

Thank you.

-I'm really funny.

-Yeah.

You can't say you're funny.

Okay?

Someone else has to say

you're funny, you can't--

-But I am funny.

-Okay, sure, you're funny, babe.

I didn't wanna swim.

I was afraid. I told them

I was afraid.

They surrounded me

and taunted me.

They laughed and screamed,

"Baby, baby,

you are a big baby."

Over and over, I cried,

but they wouldn't stop

until finally someone pushed me,

pushed me into the pool.

I sunk to the bottom.

As I tried to scream,

water filled my mouth

and my lungs.

Everything went dark and cold.

By the time they pulled me out,

my brain was half gone.

I'd never be the same.

But I grew strong,

strong enough to hurt.

Strong enough to k*ll.

k*ll them all.

-This is cool.

-Yeah?

Yeah, I like it. I really do.

Okay.

I mean, you know,

it's barely a rough first act.

And, ah, there's a lot

of stuff to tighten up.

Some of the

stuff with the flashback,

I don't know, it,

it might be a bit--

No, no, babe. It, it's good,

-But?

-Nothing.

What?

No, nothing, I just, okay,

okay, I was just, I was

just wondering, you know,

is getting pushed

in a pool enough

to make someone become a k*ller?

He doesn't just get pushed

in a pool.

Is that all

you got out of that?

He gets relentlessly tormented.

And as a result

of almost drowning,

he has brain damage.

I think that's plenty of trauma

to send someone over the edge.

Didn't you absorb

any of that information?

Uh, okay, I'm sorry.

I won't, I won't offer

an opinion next time.

It's not about an opinion,

it's about understanding

the story.

Well, I guess

I'm not smart enough

-to understand the story.

-That is not,

that is not what I'm saying.

What I'm saying is,

okay, okay, okay.

I'm trying to create conflict

for the audience. Right?

Like at what point

is revenge justified?

I mean, can we root

for a m*rder*r?

Is that okay

under any circumst...

You know what?

Just, just,

just forget it.

- Just forget the whole thing.

- Just...

What is going on with you?

Okay, you're freaking

the f*ck out.

What? Nothing, okay?

I didn't get much sleep

'cause I was up all night

writing this apparent

piece of sh*t.

I never said

it was a piece of sh*t.

Yeah, well,

didn't say it wasn't.

Okay. Can,

can we do something else?

Yeah, like what?

I don't know. Not argue.

Okay. Okay.

Sure, fine.

It, it's a good note.

I'll take it into consideration.

All right,

I should probably keep going,

you know,

get a few more pages in.

Yeah, I think you should.

Hey, you gotta relax.

Yeah. You know, if I can

maybe just be alone.

- Look, it's just hard

to concentrate, okay.

Well, you're no fun.

It's fine.

I got sh*t to do anyway.

Oh, um,

in regards to your question

is revenge ever justified?

Um, it was the great

Muhammad Ali who said,

"You k*ll my dog,

you better hide your cat."

Wait, what?

What is happening right now?

You're quoting Muhammad Ali.

- What?

- Uh, Okay.

What's your point?

Well, I'm just saying sure,

revenge can be justified, but,

but does the retribution

match the original crime?

I mean, he didn't say,

"You k*ll my dog,

you better hide

your grandmother."

Well, well, you've never

met my grandmother.

But, okay, sorry, ah.

But, but who gets to decide

what level

of retribution

is appropriate then?

Um,

well, I guess in this case,

you do. Right?

I mean, it's your story.

I'll see you tonight.

Interior, novelty shop, night.

He walks the aisles

uninterested

in the various props,

books and toys on display.

His hulking stature

and dead-eye gaze

make the other customers

avoid his path.

Eventually, he makes his way

to a wall of rubber

Halloween masks,

until finally finding focus

on a contorted

crying baby face.

He stares as echoes of

"Baby, baby,

you're a big baby,"

ring out in his head.

The chant repeats and rises

in volume only to be broken

by the clerk

from behind the counter.

Can I get you something?

Without breaking focus

from the mask,

he slowly lifts his arm

and points.

That one.

Mm.

Mm.

sh*t! Don't, ah, oh!

Holy sh*t.

Oh, my God, baby. Are you okay?

-I'm so sorry.

-What the f*ck, Kate?

Jesus Christ. You scared

the sh*t outta me.

I'm sorry.

-Sorry.

-No, don't touch.

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, my God.

What the f*ck, what is that?

A baby mask.

I was getting coffee

with Patrice and Magnolia,

and I saw that, you know,

that costume shop and, um,

and I saw this and it made me

think about you.

I thought you could use

it for some inspiration.

f*ck. Jesus Christ.

Are you okay?

I'm not okay. Okay?

You know, I got a lot of stuff

going on in my head

-and I wasn't expecting that.

-Um, yeah.

That's the point of scaring you.

Yeah, I got it, I got it.

You got me. You got me good.

-What?

-Uh, nothing.

It's, it's just,

it is just so strange

'cause I was, uh,

I actually wrote a scene today

where Big Baby buys his mask

at a costume shop,

and then here you are

buying a mask

at a costume shop the same day.

And my brain just kind of,

you know.

What?

Just, what, what are you doing?

You figured it out, didn't you?

I'm Big Baby.

Oh, for f*ck sake.

Would you, can you stop?

Mm-mm.

Let me see this thing.

Kind of looks like you.

I think you're right.

It's a spitting image.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I know.

-That looks like me.

-Almost exactly.

Yeah, thanks, you.

-Come here Big Baby, mm.

-Yeah.

We don't have any beer, do we?

I don't know, babe.

You're the one looking.

Yeah. It looks like we don't.

Well,

if we're gonna have empanadas,

we need beer, right?

-That is the law.

-That is the law.

Okay. All right, I'll run

to the store and grab some.

-You need anything else?

-Um, no, I'm good, thanks.

-How we doing?

-How you doing?

Good, good, good, good.

- What can I get you?

- Pack of reds.

Pull a pack of reds.

You know, ah, those things

would k*ll you.

Thanks, Dad.

So weird.

I...

You're supposed

to be working on this.

Hey, what, what took you

so long? I was worried.

What's wrong?

Uh, where's the beer?

Adam.

Adam, what the f*ck?

He's real.

- Who?

- He's real.

Who's real?

Big Baby.

Uh, Adam,

what are you talking about?

I saw him. I saw him.

Adam.

I saw him, I saw him,

I saw him k*ll a girl.

Okay, babe, babe,

take a deep breath. Okay?

-And just, just--

-Kate, I saw Big Baby

brutally k*ll a girl tonight.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, I, I get it.

This is, this is payback

for the mask, right?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not joking, I'm not joking.

I was at the,

the convenience store

and I saw this girl,

a young girl.

She was buying cigarettes

and something told me,

I don't know what,

but something,

something told me to follow her.

Uh, s-so you're,

you're following

-young girls at night now?

-Kate, would you

just listen to me?

I followed her.

She went down an alley,

but I stopped.

I didn't follow her

down the alley.

I stopped and I watched

and I watched,

and out from the shadows

Big Baby, he appeared

and he hit her with an ax.

She fell, and then he,

he chopped her,

and he chopped her into bits.

It, it was, it was, it was,

it was f*cking horrible.

I don't, I don't

know what's happening right...

I know you think I'm crazy,

but I'm not.

How about this?

Um, why don't you take me

to the alley and you show me?

No, no way. No.

Listen, I don't know what

to believe right now. Okay?

So if you could

just show me something,

then maybe I could understand.

I think that's reasonable.

Right?

Right?

Okay.

Okay.

All right. This is it.

I don't see anything.

-Should we go take a look?

-No, no, I don't think so.

Adam, if someone's hurt,

then we have to help them.

Right?

Kate, she's not hurt,

she's dead.

Look, I think this is my fault.

I think somehow

I made this happen.

I think, I think writing

about this, it made it happen.

-It's be...

-Adam, Adam, okay.

Seriously, baby,

you didn't manifest this. Okay?

Babe, babe,

I think you're tired,

and I think

you're really stressed.

And I think

you did see something.

I just think it's not what

you thought you saw. Okay?

So let's just, go see

if there's anything down there,

No, Kate. Kate, don't.

- Come on.

- Kate.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa.

I still don't see anything.

It definitely happened

around here.

There's nothing here, babe.

Uh, I don't get it.

Maybe he moved the body.

Yeah, yeah, maybe.

I mean, wouldn't there

be blood everywhere?

I mean, if what

you said happened, happened.

It happened. Okay?

Okay.

Look, there, there's,

there's, there's no body,

there's no blood, I, I mean,

if the police were called,

this whole alley would

be a crime scene, right?

Okay, Kate, I get it.

I'm f*cking crazy.

Okay? Let's go.

Uh, you can't seriously

be mad at me. Hey, stop.

Look at me.

You need to pause

on the script thing, okay?

Just for a little bit,

because I...

Look, I don't know

what's going on with you,

but it's not good, right?

It's not.

Maybe you're right.

Come on, let's go.

This is gonna be good, babe.

You know,

having James and Patrice over.

Now I know he was excited

when he got the invite.

I'm proud of you.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

Why's that?

I don't know, I just, I know

how hard it was for you

to put your work aside

and I just,

I wanted to tell you

I appreciate it.

Yeah, of course, right.

Also, I think that

you were right.

I wasn't exactly at my best.

Well, you definitely

seem happier

the past few weeks, right?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Oh, boy, here they are.

Trouble, trouble, trouble.

-Hey!

-Hi!

-We brought wine!

-Woo!

I hear something.

-It's all my fault.

-Oh, man.

-Yeah.

-Kate, did Adam tell you

we were writing partners

for a while back in college?

- Mm, yes, I know.

- Yes.

But we weren't that

successful, unfortunately.

- Shocking.

- Mm.

Oh, zip it. She knows

I'm a genius.

-She's just jealous.

-You are a genius, honey,

-in your own way.

-And I beg to differ.

We were successful.

Did he ever tell you that

we wrote Zombieland

like ten years

before it ever existed?

-Okay, what?

-Oh my God.

We did not write Zombieland,

James.

-We did.

-No, we didn't.

We wrote a script called

Zombieland,

which those are two very

different things.

I don't know if that's true.

- How have you

-never told me this story?

-Luck.

Ah, well, well the major

difference was our idea

was actually way better.

Well, yeah.

How could it not be, right?

-Mm, don't encourage him.

-Thank you.

- The Zombieland pitch.

- Oh.

It was, yeah, it was great.

It was Easy Rider meets...

...Night of the Living Dead.

- Yes.

- Yeah, two bikers

set out to discover...

...America...

- and themselves.

- Mm-hmm.

Blah, blah, blah.

They find a zombie apocalypse.

You know, babe, it's not bad.

- Right?

- Stop.

- It's not.

- No.

Listen to her.

Adam, if you wanna take

another pass at it,

we could get the band

back together.

Mm.

We'd have to change

the title, but it'd be fun.

No, it would not be fun.

- I'm okay.

- All right, fine.

Then how about you let me

partner with you

on this baby man k*ller thing

you got going?

What?

Oh, um, nothing.

Nothing.

It's just, ah, nothing.

It's just, I don't know, um,

kind of reconsidering

the whole idea.

Really? I thought it was badass.

I loved it.

Babe, did I tell you about this?

He's just, um,

he's taking a break.

Um, just, just for a while,

right?

Okay. Everything all right?

Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine.

I'm just, I don't know,

stepping away for a minute.

It's no big deal.

It's just things have been

kind of a little, little weird.

Yeah.

What?

More ax holes in the blanket?

-What?

-Nothing.

Hey, can we all just, you know,

change the subject for a minute?

Hey, thanks for coming.

-Thank you.

-Thanks.

Oh.

Ah, yeah.

Sorry, buddy.

What?

Nothing.

Okay, yeah.

So the stupid blanket thing.

I bought the new blanket

because the old blanket

had a rip in it, and the rip

was in the exact same spot

that Big Baby, you know,

in my dream,

hacked at you with an ax.

And I just got freaked out

that it was somehow related,

but it was actually James

who convinced me

that I was just being crazy.

And I was embarrassed

about the whole thing.

So, I don't know.

I just hid the blanket

and I didn't say

anything about it.

-Okay.

-But of course,

now with everything else

that's happened since then,

I have no f*cking idea what

to think.

Well, I think we are

in the same place as before.

Okay? You need to

put all this aside,

and you need

to get yourself straight

and we'll be fine, right?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Okay.

Let's go to bed.

She doesn't

want you to succeed.

She enjoys your failures.

Don't be fooled by her kindness.

She's in your way, in our way.

Don't hurt her.

You have to promise me

you won't hurt Kate.

Ah. No promises.

Just get back to work

and k*ll everyone who hurt me.

Make them suffer.

And maybe I'll leave her alone.

Okay, I will.

I'll k*ll them all.

I'll make them suffer.

Kate?

Oh, f*ck.

Kate.

Mm.

Kate.

Oh, f*ck.

f*ck. f*ck.

Pick up, pick up.

Hey, it's Kate.

Leave a message.

Kate,

what are you doing?

Okay, what are you doing?

What are we doing here?

What are we doing?

Is this really necessary?

I mean, you know, I thought,

I thought we were

in a good place, right?

Okay? Can you just

please just call me back?

Okay? Just, just let me

know where you are, okay?

Okay, I love you.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

Ah, can I help you?

Um, what...

Can I come in?

I'm sorry, what? Who are you?

I need to talk to you.

I'm sorry, I, I have no idea

who you are. Okay?

What's, what's going on and why,

why, why are you

dressed like that?

-Can I come in?

-No, no.

You, no, no. You can't come in.

I mean, if you have something

you need to say,

you need to say it here, okay?

It's too important. Please?

Okay, ah, yeah. Okay, fine,

whatever.

Yeah, sure. Come in.

Okay, what? What is it?

I need you to save me.

Is this a joke?

No.

I'm Amanda, remember?

The one who pushed him

in the pool?

Uh, wait, wait a second.

What, what, who?

Amanda, from your script.

-You know who I am.

-Wait a second.

Wait, wait, wait.

How did you even know?

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I get it.

This is a f*cking prank, right?

Is that what this is?

Did Kate put you up to this?

-Is that what this is?

-No.

You have to take me out

of the story.

If you don't, he'll,

he'll find me and he'll k*ll me.

He'll k*ll us all,

but we don't deserve it.

I don't deserve it.

I was just a kid.

I didn't know any better.

Okay.

This, great.

Beautiful performance.

Thank you for that.

You done?

Oh, um, wh-whoa, whoa, okay.

Look, don't, you can't,

do you...

Come on, lady.

You, you gotta go. Let's go.

Oh!

Jesus! Jesus!

Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate,

where are you?

Kate?

Finish the story

or she dies.

No.

You're not real.

Is this real?

Who's the Big Baby now?

- Hello?

- Kate, Kate, Kate,

Kate, where are you?

Where are you?

Hey, when,

when you called earlier,

how, how did he get your phone?

Did he hurt you?

What? But, Adam,

it's okay, stop it.

I, I didn't call you.

Didn't you get my note?

You're, you're note? What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got your note,

but that's a whole other,

Kate, Kate, listen to me.

Listen to me. Where are you?

Okay, you're in danger.

Um, uh, I just,

I don't know if I wanna

tell you where I am, okay?

-Kate.

- You're really scaring me.

Kate, no, no, no, no,

no! Listen, listen to me!

You are in danger!

He told me that

if I don't finish this script,

you, you'll die, okay?

He'll k*ll you. Big baby.

Kate, did you hear me?

- I gotta go.

-No, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Please, please, please, please,

please,

just listen to me, okay?

Listen to me.

I need to see you,

but also need to write. Okay?

I need to write,

and I just need to finish this

so you, so we,

we can all be okay.

Okay? I'm just, I just, I just

don't know what else to do.

I need to write it

and I need to finish this

so everything

can go back to normal.

Okay, Kate? Kate?

No, you gotta believe me, Kate.

I'm not crazy.

I'm not f*cking crazy, Kate.

- I'm sorry, I can't.

-Kate.

Kate.

Kate.

Kenny, mid-thirties,

and Julia, mid-thirties,

exit the bar.

-Slow down.

-Catch up.

And stumble

across the parking lot

- towards their car.

-f*ck.

Can't believe I gotta work

in four hours.

Well, you could always get

fired again.

Are you sure

you're okay to drive?

Yeah, I'm fine. Who's gonna

drive, you?

I don't think so.

What the f*ck?

- sh*t was unlocked all night.

- Uh.

Come on. Jesus.

-What's wrong?

-Won't start.

Jesus, Julia, you left

the f*cking light on.

-You drained the battery.

-No, I didn't.

Yeah, you did.

You were doing your f*cking

makeup in the g*dd*mn mirror

and you didn't turn

the light off.

-Now we're f*cked!

-Calm down.

Just get someone to jump us.

Oh, gee, thanks.

Is that what I should

f*cking do? f*ck!

Jesus.

-So dramatic.

-f*cking wise a*s.

Oh, come on.

Julia, what'd you do

with the jumpers? f*ck.

Dammit, Julia.

Hey, man.

You, ah, think you'd

gimme a jump? Car's dead.

Ah.

Cool, man. Cool.

You gotta be f*cking

kidding me. f*cking c*ck.

Yeah, you go home

to your 17 kids. f*ck.

Goddammit. You gotta be...

You won't even f*cking

believe this.

f*cking as*h*le.

I ask him for a jump

and he just drives off.

Hope he dies in a crash

on the way home.

Call roadside. My phone's dead.

Hey, what are you asleep

or something?

Oh, f*ck.

Oh, what the f*ck?

f*ck! You f*cking,

what did you do to my...

Julia, your f*cking head

is in my...

Who the f*ck are you?

What the f*ck?

Am I a terrible person?

I mean, ah,

am I a terrible person

for leaving him alone like that?

Hey, you need to do

what is right for you.

What makes you feel safe.

Yeah. No, I, I, I know.

I just, um, you didn't hear him.

He sounded so lost on the phone,

and, um, honestly, I'm just,

I'm really scared.

I don't think you need

to be scared of Adam.

Don't tell her

how she should feel.

I'm not telling her how to feel.

I'm just saying, it's Adam.

You know? Our Adam.

Yeah. Yeah, I know.

It's just, um, it's,

it's also our Adam

that's just completely convinced

this Big Baby character's

actually real.

I get it, but Adam would

never do anything to hurt you.

That guy would k*ll for you,

Kate.

What?

Yeah.

Dear God,

I'm going to bed now,

and I wanna say thank you

for taking care of me.

I also wanna ask if you

could please help guide

Mr. Tinkles back home to me.

I know it's been over a month,

but I'm sure

he's still out there.

Even though everyone says

he probably got eaten

by a coyote.

Oh, also another season

of Battlestar Galactica

would be a real blessing

in my life.

Okay, well,

thank you, God.

Goodnight. Amen.

Mm.

Mm.

Mr. Tinkles?

Huh, good.

This is really...

You want them dead,

I'll make 'em all dead.

I'll make them dead, if that

makes you

feel good about that.

-This was fun.

-Yeah, it was.

We should do it again sometime,

maybe, if you want.

Yeah, that would be great.

-Yeah.

-Ah, it's just, it's,

I, I wasn't sure, you know,

it's hard to tell sometimes.

Do you wanna come in?

Like now?

Uh, uh, yeah, never mind.

I, I shouldn't have said that.

I'm sorry.

Could we just pretend

I didn't say that? Uh, yeah.

No, no, I, I would, I,

it's just,

it's late and I have

an early morning.

Oh, yeah, it's fine.

No, I'll, I'll come in.

You know,

you know, it, you're right.

I, I didn't realize

it was that late.

Ah.

Okay.

Uh.

Um, well...

Uh.

Um.

I will call you.

-Okay?

-Okay, goodnight

Goodnight.

- You're alive.

- I'm alive.

So how'd it go?

It went good. We had fun.

He's cute.

Mm, but what?

But nothing.

I mean, I invited him in

and he said, "No."

He said, "No?"

Well, yeah, he said

he had to get up early.

- Hmm, that's weird.

-Is it?

He doesn't wanna get laid?

Who said

he was gonna get laid?

Mm-hmm.

I mean, I don't know.

Maybe I'm reading into it.

He did say that

he would call me.

f*ck him, whatever.

If he calls, he calls.

-What the f*ck?

- What?

His car is,

is still in my driveway.

- What do you mean?

-What do you mean,

What do I mean? His car is

still parked in my driveway.

Maybe he changed his mind.

Or maybe he wants to m*rder me.

Ah. He's not coming in.

I don't see him.

- Are you sure it's his car?

-Yes, I'm sure it's his car.

You know what?

I'm just gonna go out there.

I'll call you back, okay?

No, maybe just text him.

What the f*ck?

What's going on over there?

Nothing. I mean, I went outside

and I looked in his car

and no one's there.

Well, it must not be his car.

Just do me a favor,

stay inside.

Just in case

he's pulling some weird sh*t.

No, it was for sure

his car, just no him.

Well, all the more reason

to stay inside.

Oh, never mind, that's him.

He's knocking.

I'll call you back, okay?

No, Nikki, don't.

No, no, no!

No, no, no! God!

No, no!

Come on, open up.

I can hear you breathing.

Hey, buddy.

How you doing?

-What are you doing here?

-Nothing.

Just checking on you.

Are you okay?

That's a nasty cut you got.

Oh, ah, yeah, yeah.

No, I'm, um, I'm fine.

I'm just, ah, you know,

working.

Do you mind if I come in?

Yeah. It's not really

a good time.

Yeah, I, ah, okay. I just,

I'm just worried about you.

You know? You don't seem like,

you don't seem like yourself.

No one gets

what's going on here.

All right,

Kate thinks I'm nuts,

but I'm only trying

to protect her.

I'm just trying to protect her.

She's in real danger.

Yeah, she's worried too.

You talked to her?

Why don't you just

let me in for a minute

and you can tell me about

what's going on?

It's me.

Okay.

Oh, you want a beer

or something?

Hey, buddy,

why don't we just

put the knife down?

Oh, man, sorry.

-You know, I gotta be prepared.

-Right.

Okay? In case he comes back.

Just put the, yeah,

there you go.

Why don't you just tell me

everything that's going on?

Okay,

first it started out as dreams,

or I don't know, you know,

something like dreams,

something in-between.

But then things actually,

they started happening.

People started getting hurt.

They started dying,

getting m*rder*d,

and somehow I was responsible.

I have some control,

right, through my writing,

but I don't know how it,

I don't, I don't know.

I don't, I don't know

how to fully...

I'm just trying to protect Kate,

okay?

And make him go away.

Make who go away?

Big Baby.

I don't think Big Baby's real,

bud.

I think you just,

you got in too deep and now

you just need some help to,

I don't know, regulate.

He's real!

He's real! He was here!

That's who cut me,

and I need to finish

this script or he kills Kate!

You got her

real scared, dude.

You talked to her. Where is she?

-I can't--

-James, James, where is she?

-Look, she--

-Where is she?

She's with me and Patrice,

but she doesn't want you

to know,

and I'm, sh*t, I wasn't

supposed to tell you that.

Okay, you gotta leave.

You gotta leave.

I need to finish this,

I need to finish the script.

Let me help you.

Whoa, whoa, take it easy.

- James, leave.

- Uh.

-Leave.

-Okay, I'll leave,

-Hey, listen to me.

-but I just...

Watch after her.

I'll be done here soon.

Everything's gonna be fine,

okay?

Okay? Why don't you go tell

her that?

Go tell her that everything

is gonna be fine.

-Just calm down.

-James, get out.

Get out, James.

-James, get, get out!

-Okay.

-Get out!

-Okay, okay, I'll leave.

I just, I, I'll go, but I,

I just,

I love you buddy.

No!

No.

Please.

Wait!

Wait.

Please. You can save me.

You can write whatever you want

and, and I can live.

I told you how sorry I was.

I never meant to hurt anyone.

Please.

Please.

You'll be no better than him.

You'll be just like him.

You'll be a k*ller.

Sorry.

No!

Yes, yes, you did it.

Kate.

Kate!

Kate!

Kate! Come on, open up.

I know you're in there.

Just call the police.

It's okay. I've got this.

Kate!

Hey, buddy.

Hey, where's Kate?

Just take it easy.

Where is she?

She's not here.

James, don't lie to me.

I'm telling you,

she's not here.

I need to see her.

-She's not here?

-She's not here.

Okay.

Move!

Adam, stop!

What are you doing?

Baby, just,

just put down the knife.

I'm not gonna hurt you. Okay?

I'm not gonna hurt anybody.

I'm here to tell you that

everything's fine. Okay?

I fixed it.

It's done.

It's done.

Big Baby,

he's not gonna hurt you. Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Hey, that's, that's good.

That, that, means

if he's not gonna hurt me,

then, then you think you

could just put down the knife.

Right?

Right? 'Cause,

'cause you said I'm safe.

So just, let's just

put down the knife.

I need to talk to you... alone.

Yeah. Of, of course.

Um, let's just give James

the knife

and then we can go talk, okay?

Yeah, buddy.

Just hand me the knife.

-Ah, ah!

-Oh, no!

No! Ow, let me go!

Stop it! Ow!

No!

Ow! Stop it!

-Kate!

-Open the door!

Kate, are you okay?

Can you hear me?

-Is it locked?

-Yes, it's locked!

Kate!

Kate.

Oh, shh.

Adam, this isn't okay.

-I'm not okay.

-Kate,

I would never hurt you.

Here.

-Take it.

-Kate!

Let us in!

It's okay! I'm okay!

What should we do?

Should we call the police?

What? sh*t, no.

Uh, I don't know.

Let's just give 'em a minute.

What are

we supposed to do? Huh?

What, what do you expect me

to do?

I don't know.

It doesn't matter anymore.

- You can think I'm crazy.

- You can leave me.

You can call the police.

Oh, it just doesn't matter

anymore.

I just want you

to know that all I did,

everything that I did,

it was to,

it was to protect you.

Oh, I don't understand

any of this.

I don't understand

how this happened,

but I know, Kate,

Kate, I know it's not

in my head,

or maybe that's where

it started, but somehow,

somehow it got out.

It got out

and it's here now.

It's here.

No,

it's not.

It can't be.

Let me help you, please?

It's not too late. I can,

I can help you.

It's too late.

And now I've realized

there's only one way

for all this to stop.

What are you saying?

Interior, bedroom, night.

Big Baby emerges

from the shadows.

He moves across

the room towards Adam.

Adam, what the f*ck?

The k*ller lifts

his ax.

No, no.

And screams.

Break it down!

-Break it down!

-What?

Move!

Oh!

It wasn't me.

It was him.

It was Big Baby.

Welcome back to...

Blood Soaked.

The biggest, bloodiest

horror movie review podcast

in the history of the world.

-As usual, I'm Vampire Greg.

-And I'm Steve Strange.

And we hope you are

ready for this episode.

We are going to review a movie

that just dropped this weekend.

The highly-anticipated

slasher, mm, Big Baby.

Oh, I'm already sh1tting

-in my diaper, ooh.

-I know.

I can smell it from here.

But the thing is, this isn't

just a review of the film.

-Oh, no.

-Mm-mm.

Me and Greg actually

have a personal connection

-to the movie itself.

-Or at least someone

ah, associated with this,

with this film.

So myself and my partner

in crime here, Steve,

had an interaction,

let's just say, with Adam Lewis,

-the writer of this film.

-Right, okay.

So me and Greg were minding

our business

at our local coffee shop

and up walks this dude.

Yes, this dude, of course,

being Adam Lewis,

the, the screenwriter

of Big Baby.

Right, but of course,

we didn't know this at the time.

So he walks up and he wants to

start talking horror movies,

and, and, and we thought

he was just fanboying us like--

-As usual.

-A lot of people do.

Um, but no, it turns out

that he'd heard our review

of his previous film,

The Blackest Moon.

Which we both agreed

was a steaming pile of

dog vomit, right?

Mm-hmm, exactly.

Well, Mr. Lewis

did not take kindly

to that assessment.

And then he proceeded to

dump an entire cup of coffee.

-Hot coffee.

-Hot coffee

-on our heads.

-Hot coffee.

I mean, this guy was

a f*cking lunatic.

Right, so, flash forward

to more recent news,

and get this, our buddy

Adam Lewis, right?

Hey, get ready for it.

He was

m*rder*d by his girlfriend.

-Allegedly.

-Allege-- Allegedly.

I mean, there are some sources

that say

it may have been a suicide,

or at least there was

some questions

as to what actually happened.

Who knows? Who cares?

Whatever, trial pending.

Sure, so you know what?

You know what?

Suicide, schmuicide. All right?

I'm saying this guy f*cking

deserved it.

-Whoa.

-Well, look, I couldn't get

those coffee stains outta

my shirt after like a week,

so, yeah, no f*cking remorse.

Okay, all right. Fair enough.

Well, Mr. Lewis did manage

to crank out one last script

before his untimely demise,

and that script

was for the movie Big Baby.

Which hits theaters this week.

Mm-hmm. So, okay,

what'd you think?

Look, this, this might,

this might come as a shock,

but I thought

it was f*cking awesome.

-Yeah, hell yeah, it was.

-f*cking sick.

Now let's get into the details

of this monster piece.

Be warned, spoilers ahead.

-Good show today, bro.

-Yeah, man, good sh*t.

Wanna grab a drink?

Sure, why not? Yeah.

Hey, um,

you don't think we were

too harsh on that guy, right?

Adam Lewis?

No, f*ck that guy.

- That's what I was thinking.

- Right?

f*ck that guy.