05x08 - Pizza Steve's Past

[bunniefuu]

Hi, my name's Pizza Steve!

[ Cow moos ]

So I burst through
the amniotic sac,

spraying everyone with fluids,

and that's how
I came into existence.

Wow!
Gross!

That is an amazing
origin story, Uncle Grandpa.

Oh, it was nothing,
Martine.

I've got loads of them.

It's true, you know?

[ Groans ] Hey.

Why don't you tell
Pizza Steve's origin story?!

Oh, yeah.

Changed my life forever.

Uh...

Yeah.

Sounds about right to me.

Yep, no need
for further inquiries.

Inquiries mendos.

Pizza Steve,
do you think

What?!
Am I on trial here?

Me honest Steve?!

You can't prove nothing!

I shan't sit here
and have my name be slandered!

I'm gonna go stand by that bush
and think about my innocence.

I'm sorry you had
to see this, Martine.

Congratulations on
winning the online quiz.

The nerve!

Oh, I'm a phony.

Oh, I can never
forget the things I did,

the people I left behind.

Aah!

Mercy!

[ Sobs ]

Looks like Pizza Steve
is having inner turmoil...

again.

Mm hmm.

[ Screams ]

They can never know.

[ Banjo music plays ]

Hmm.

Something's wrong with
this here thought bubble.

Observe.

What the Steve?!

Who's this nerd?

Uncle Grandpa,
please be hushed.

Pizza Steve is clearly
having a difficult flashback.

Let's sit quietly
and watch his memories,

and maybe this will illuminate
some hidden aspects

of Pizza Steve's character.

I think I already know
Pizza Steve pretty well,

but if you insist, Mr. Gus.

[ Banjo music continues ]

Ah, yes. The old, uh,
country music work fantasy.

[ Chuckles ]
Pretty wild.

Keep scrubbing those
stains, Steven,

and one day,
you'll have my job.

[ Chuckles ]
Reminds me of me.

[ Music stops ]

Yuck!

Oh, why?!

Why me?

A pizza slice with such
promise, such potential

going to waste in this...

stink hole.

I could be more
than a dishwasher

who likes country music.

I could be I could be...

Ham Sandwich: A rocking
and rolling cool boy.

That's what they'll say
about me and my new shades.

[ Laughs ] Hey, look at that
rocking and rolling cool boy!

[ Laughs ]

A "rocking and rolling
cool boy," eh?

"Rock and roll."

With those shades, I could be
a rockin' and rollin' cool boy.

I'll just go up to him
and ask them to try them on.

How hard could that be?

The verdict is in.

I am officially cool!

[ Laughs ]

[ Munches ]

Howdy.

E e e e e k!

A bug!

[ Screams ]

Yuck! Ich!

Ow.

[ Groans ]

[ Strained ] Of course
you realize this means w*r.

[ Slurping ]

[ Rumbling ]

Oh, my!

This crab bisque is playing
havoc with my toot factory.

Time to visit
the little gentleman's room.

I'll take off my new shades so
as not to sully them in there.

There they are.
Those are the shades I require.

I'll just ease on up
out of here.

[ Grunts ] Oh, no!

Ow.

[ Groans ]

Oh!

This your
crab bisque, chum?

Uh...

I guess you think it's funny
to throw bisque around, huh?!

[ Squeaks ]
Fun boy.

Funny, fun, fun boy.

You know what
I do to fun boys?

Beats me, partner.

Partner?

Only a country music fan

would use the word "partner"
in casual conversation.

Hey.

You're all right.

I'm a big country music
fan myself.

Always neat to meet
another h*nky tonker.

Well, keep on truckin'.

I'll be hitting
the old dusty trail.

Huh. Looks like everything's
comin' up Steve.

He e e e e
ya a a a a h!

Perish, you immortal bug!

[ Screams ] Oh.

I used to help
small boys like you...

before I lost my way.

Uncle Grandpa, can you
help me disguise myself

so I can steal some sunglasses
from a mean bully?

[ Stammering ]

It's been a while.

But okay.

I'll make you
the greatest disguise

the child helping community
has ever seen,

or my name isn't
Gumpy Puppers.

Hmm.

Which of these desserts
is cool enough for me?

[ Laughs ] Yes.

[ Clears throat ]

Warm and moist
towelette?

Uh, no, thanks.

I'd like
the cremed brulee

[ Screams ]

Ow!

What's the big idea,
doctor chef?!

You could have damaged
my both sets of glasses!

You are lucky that
they remained un scathed!

Now could you please
direct me to

your cold and moist
towelettes?

My face
is hot and sticky.

Uh...Yes.

They are outside
by the trash.

I will take as many
towelettes as I please.

But I can assure you I'll be
filling out a comment card.

Yeah!

[ Laughs ]

Oh.

Oh!

Hello, attendant?

I need attending to.

Fafa fooey!
[ Screams ]

Uncle Grandpa?!

Why are you
restraining me?!

I thought you were
supposed to help kids.

I've lost my way!

Ooh!

Okay, that's enough
vibrating in joy.

Time to put on these bad boys
and change my life forever.

[ Inhales deeply ]

Ooh.

Steady as she goes.

Ow!
[ Chuckles ]

Whoopsies.

Let's try that again.

Aaah!

No!

[ Sighs ]

[ Chuckles ]

No pain, no gain.

[ Screams ]

[ Groans, screams ]

[ Groans ]

You.

You broke my awesome shades.

You filthy little...

[ Inhales deeply ]

...bug!

[ expl*si*n ]

I wonder what's
happening over there.

I'm sorry you got hurt,
little boy...

But you're a little too lame
to be seen hanging out with me.

Goodbye, loser.

Ooh.
Yes, indeedy.

It has been quite a day.

A bird flew away
with half my sandwich.

Also that customer
violently attacked you.

Oh, he was a real rocking
and rolling cool fella.

Must be amazing to live life
to the fullest like that.

No one could
tell you what to do.

You'd be your own boss.

You'd demand respect.

Of course, you know what's
more rocking and rolling?

Being promoted to
junior vice president

of washing dishes
and my underwear.

No more!

[ Screams ]

[ Bird tweets ]

[ Screaming continues ]

[ Grunts ]

Oh! What?!

I fell down.

Ooh, baby!

[ Metal guitar riff plays ]

[ Gasping ]

Uhh. Will you pretty please
live with me in my RV

and help young boys and girls
with their boring problems

for the rest of all time?

Shucks.

[ Wistful music plays ]

Gee, I sure don't
remember any of that, much.

[ Fart sound ]

[ Groans ]

I've seen enough.

Yo, Pizza Steve,
this is a real memory

or some kind
of weird fantasy?!

Huh?
W what's all this, now?

[ Chuckles nervously ]

We saw it all.

Once again, your cool
credibility is at stake,

et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Can it be so,
Pizza Steve again?

[ Inhales ]

[ Sighs deeply ]

Pizza Steve,
were you really so lame?!

Are you just a pair
of old man glasses?

Do you really like
country music?

Mr. Steve voiceover:
I could blame it on Mr. Gus.

No, I've done that already.

Nothing could possibly
save my reputation now.

I know the truth,
Pizza Steve.

Huh?
Huh?

I know, because I was there.

[ Machinery whirring ]

You stole my sunglasses!

Prepare to be destroyed!

[ Whirring ]

Yowzah!

That smarts!

That was so cool,
Pizza Steve.

I'll probably never
doubt your coolness again.

Narrator: Or will he?!

♪♪

That was quite delicious.