11x02 - Catfish Hunter

[bunniefuu]

[♪ upbeat theme music playing]

-[glass shatters]
-[♪ theme concludes]

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[commuters whooshing]

[Fry grunting]

So, where's the strip club trampoline park

with the all-you-can-eat ice cream?

There isn't one.

I just lied so you'd come with me.

We're actually going to see...

[emotional] ...my beloved Abuelatron.

Your grandma?
I thought she lived in Mexico.

Or... Or... Or maybe Mehico?

Nah, she moved into
a retirement home to be near me,

her eldest and most neglectful grandson.

-[door creaking]
-[Bender scat-singing]

[wheelchair rattling]

[can clattering]

[robot yelping]

-[wheelchair thudding]
-[robot groaning]

♪

[knocking]

Ms. Rodríguez? You got visitors.

Are ya decent?

Are ya alive?

-[door creaking]
-Alright.

Ah, Benderito!

Come, give me a kiss
for every month you didn't visit.

[smooching rapidly]

Hang on, I think about six more.

Uh, this is my friend, Fry.
Kiss him for a while.

Okay.

-[Abuelatron smooching]
-[metal thudding]

Ow! Robot kisses hurt.

So, Grandma, why'd you leave Mexico?

Not corrupt enough for ya?

Oh, Bender, the family,

they don't want me around no more.

Aw. 'Cause you're so old and useless?

No, they don't want me
smoking and drinking

and cursing around the little ones.

Those b*stards!

Eh, who needs them
when I have my favorite grandson

and alcohol? [chuckles]

-I'll drink to that!
-[glasses clinking]

[Bender and Abuelatron gulping]

-[glass shattering]
-[both belching loudly]

I don't mind it here.

There's so much to do.

Eat, go back to our room,

eat, go back to our room,
eat, go back to our room,

-eat, go back...
-Hey, remember those

homemade tortillas you used to make?

Man, those were good.

Ah, too much trouble.

The tortillas here are good enough for me.

[♪ light, somber music playing]

[sighing]

[chewing slowly]

That was a nice lunch.

Why don't you stay for dinner,
which is right now?

Ah, no thanks.
But I'll come back sometime.

Probably next year maybe.

-[Bender scat-singing]
-Wait! Before you go,

I have a thing to tell you.

Can it wait a year?

Before I left Mexico,

I sold my tortilla business for a fortune.

I was planning to leave you
a lot of money in my will.

Really?

So, if you die right now, I'll be rich?

No, no, no, no, I just wanted to tell you

that I gave it away.

-What?! [grumbling]
-[metallic clanging]

I sent it to my boyfriend, Sebastian.

Isn't he handsome?

He promised to invest it for me.

He just needed money seeds

for a bridge loan to make a big cash flow.

Ah, Grandma, you idiot!
You're being scammed.

No, I'm not. He loves me!

He doesn't even care that I'm rich.

Time for your oil thinners!

[liquid sloshing and fizzling]

Scam, huh?

-Yeah, those are common here.
-[Abuelatron gulping]

You know, we were voted number one
most scammable nursing home.

I saw that!

So, it is a scam?

Ay Dios mío, how could
I have been so estúpida?

[crying] I thought he loved me.

But who would want
an old piece of junk like me?

[sobbing]

[♪ somber music playing]

[Bender sobbing]

It's so sad!

My poor, poor inheritance.

If only there was some way

to get revenge on this fraudulent hunk.

Hey, I have an idea!

Can you tell us? Or no?

Suppose Bender went undercover
at the retirement home

as an old robot to lure the scammer?

Sounds fun, I'll do it!

[♪ thrilling music playing]

[eye visor clicking]

There. Next, we'll apply a rapid
heating-and-cooling cycle

to cause metal fatigue.

-Will it hurt?
-Yes.

-[flames whooshing]
-Hot, hot, hot!

Cold, cold, cold!

[metal crackling]

And finally, the most important part,

the Jitterphone!

A phone used exclusively
by feeble-minded geezers.

I mean, it's like a scammer magnet!

Anyone with one of these
is a sitting duck.

Oh wait. That's my Jitterphone.

This one's yours.

[♪ light music playing]

Mr. um... [sighs]

Mordecai Pantscrapper?

Yo.

You need to reposition yourself
so you don't get bedsores.

Are ya able to turn on your side?

Yeah. But can you do it for me?

Uh, okay.

[grunting] Let's just get you
over... there!

[exhales sharply]

[Jitterphone ringing]

Bender, Sebastian is calling you.

That's his phone number.

Huh? Oh right, the scammer.

I'm gonna tear him limb from limb!

-[Jitterphone beeps]
-Who the hell do you think you are?!

[♪ sexy music playing]

Uh, also, who are you?

I'm Daniella, silly.

And you're handsome.

[visor snapping, eyes whirring]

[♪ sexy music playing]

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[Bender scat-singing]

So, how'd it go, Bender?

Did the scammer contact you?

Nope, he never called.

Impossible! You had a Jitterphone!

However, I did get a call
from a beautiful lady.

And I'm in love.

-[Jitterphone clicking]
-She's hot, right?

Plus, she offered me some
fabulous investments.

Bender, I'd love for you
to find a girlfriend,

because you'd be around a lot less.

But you're being scammed.

Scammed?!

[laughing pompously]

Oh, you are so wrong.

She offered me some can't-lose stock.

In her catfish farm.

-[crew groaning]
-Oh, brother.

Ugh, even I wouldn't fall for that.

And I just learned the truth
about the Tooth Fairy!

Sorry, buddy, she only buys human teeth.

You're all just jealous that I found love.

We talked for hours
about our favorite movies,

favorite music,

bank account numbers.

Yeah, stuff like that.

Wait, what was the last one?

Stuff like that.

Now I've had it with you young folk!

[burbling, head crackling]

I'll show you.

I'm gonna visit Daniella
and make sweet love

in front of our premium-grade catfish.

Uh-huh. And where exactly
does "Daniella" live?

Big ol' mansion, that's where!

She, uh, didn't mention the exact address.

No matter, we'll check the Jitterlog!

-[Jitterphone zapping, chirping]
-Ah, Alabama.

No, worse! Mississippi!

[door creaking]

[engine rumbling]

[mosquito buzzing]

[bug zapper crackling]

Ah, there it is,



Kinda low-key for a mansion.

-[grunting]
-[wood creaking]

I love you, too.

I'll keep an eye out
for that MoneyGram, darling.

[hologram whooshing]

[♪ dramatic sting]

Abuelatron, mi amor.

It's your beloved stud-bucket, Sebastian.

-[♪ dramatic music playing]
-[elongated gasping]

Sorry, I've been MIA, babe.

-I was playing pickleball with the Pope.
-[door crashing]

I'll call you back!

How dare you, sir?!

You're ripping off my poor,
innocent Abuelatron!

[hologram whooshing]

Hi there, I'm Brittany.

h*, h*, h*, hello.

I'm Bender, baby.

So, I wanna tell you about
a very special investment

with some incredible returns.

Really? That'd be...

Hey, cut that out!

That's probably not gonna
work on me this time!

Who are you, really?

[sighing]

[hologram whooshing]

[with Southern accent]
My real name's Idabelle Sue.

[♪ soft music playing]

Hubba-hubba.
That's what you really look like?

Uh-huh. That's why
I can't use my real face.

I'm just too hot to be believable.

That's so sad.

Would a little money help?

Hey, no!

How could you?!

You tricked my grandma
out of her life savings.

I was gonna steal those savings!

I'm awful sorry for lyin' so much.

I feel downright terrible
when I think about it,

which thankfully ain't often.

So, your favorite band isn't Hoobastank?

-No.
-And there never was a catfish farm?

Well, of course there's a catfish farm!

Who would lie about a catfish farm?

-[door creaking]
-Come on, I'll show ya.

-[♪ light music playing]
-[water sloshing]

Are you waterproof?

I'm 40% waterproof!

[♪ light music playing]

[water splashing]

-[boat cracking]
-[Bender gurgling]

♪

Oh, I do adore me some catfish.

Ever since I was a young scammer,

all I wanted was to farm 'em.

I love everything about 'em.

Except eatin' 'em. They're disgusting!

Ooh! So slimy. Bleh!

It really is beautiful.

Nothing but muck
as far as the eye can see.

My only crime was tellin' folks
it was a good investment.

Well, that and sayin' I was in love

and stealin' their life savings.

I was so wrong about you, Idabelle.

I just wish there was something
I could do to help.

Do you have any money?

Nah, I'm pretty much broke.

But I have a wealthy friend
with a Jitterphone.

[Jitterphone ringing]

Talk to me, baby.

Oh, hello, Bender.

A good investment, you say?

A catfish farm, you say?

I like what I'm hearing, you say.

[over phone] I'm on my way
with a shipload of cash!

Shipload? With a "P"?

Uh, actually, it doesn't matter.

Any letter there is fine.

I'll be there tomorrow with
a million dollars in small bills.

Ta-ta!

[crew cheering]

Great job, Professor!

So convincing!

You really sounded like
a desperate, foolish old man.

We're gonna get back
everything those crooks stole,

and more!

-[♪ triumphant music playing]
-It's time to scam the scammers.

[♪ music stops abruptly]

Scammers?

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[Planet Express whooshing]

[Leela] Blast off!

Oh wait, we're here.

Listen up, people.

This bag holds the so-called
million dollars.

Each roll has a genuine bill
on the outside.

But inside, it's nothin' but
Planet Express Fun Bucks.

[Professor giggling]

Now here's the plan.

I'll call Bender and say
we got pulled over for speeding.

I love it! Why?

We'll tell them the ship was impounded
with the money inside.

And to get it back, we need to pay
a thousand-dollar impound fee.

So, if they want their million dollars,

they have to give us a thousand first.

Then we give them our fake money
and run away!

Hooray! I'm scamming with friends!

-[siren wailing]
-Dagnabbit,

there's a smokey on my tail.

That's how they say it down here, right?

-[siren continues]
-[turning signal clicking]

-[ship landing thuds]
-[tires screeching]

[♪ country guitar playing]

[tapping on window]

I'm Burl Hooten,
Sheriff of Scamton County,

and this here's Deputy Fiddle.

Now, y'all know why I pulled you over?

Were we... speeding?

Sure, that sounds good.

Fiddle, call the tow truck.

[Deputy Fiddle hooting]

[siren wailing]

Impound fee's a thousand bucks.

-[hawking, spitting]
-[metal bolt clatters]

-[engine revving]
-[siren wailing]

Well, this is a disaster.

[sighs] Yeah.

No, wait, it's perfect!

Everything's going accidentally
exactly according to plan!

-[♪ suspenseful music playing]
-[phone ringing]

Cindy, darling!
I'm sorry I missed our date.

I got kidnapped by the president.

Uh-oh, here he comes!

-[phone hangs up]
-[fabric tearing]

[hologram whooshing]

Hi! Thanks for the wire transfer, Hal.

Al? Sal!

I am really looking forward
to our wedding tomorrow.

Gotta go buy a dress!

[hologram whooshing]

You really are the da Vinci
of ripping people off.

That's why I love you, baby.

By the way, I love you, baby.

[♪ soft music playing]

[Jitterphone ringing]

Fish Farm investor relations,
this is Jimmy RealName.

How may I direct your money?

Hello, Bender?

[Bender]
Professor! Oh, I was so worried

when I didn't hear from you.
How's your cash?

Still totally real.

But we've had a small calamity.

We got a speeding ticket.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We give you a thousand,
you give us a million?

Deal!

I don't know, sounds kinda like a scam.

No way. My friends are really nice.

Come on, let's go rip 'em off.

♪

I would like to cash a check, sonny.

I'm sorry, ma'am. Uh, what's a check?

I can't remember.

But I'd like to cash it.

I'll have to pretend
to go talk to the manager.

[footsteps shuffling]

[Bender grumbling]

Wait a second, this won't work.

Since the ship really did get impounded,

we'll need to spend
the whole $1,000 to get it back.

That's not scamming the scammers!

-[Amy] Ow!
-Oh, you poor simple simpletons.

While you were simpling,

I replaced the teller's normal keypad

with my special scam keypad.

It was simple!

Okay, we can cash your check.

You know, I think I'd rather keep it.

Ugh, finally!

I thought I'd have to k*ll her.

Afternoon, honeybunch.

I'd like to make a cash withdrawal.

Very well.

Enter the amount on this
new keypad I don't recognize.

[Professor Farnsworth]
It's like a normal keypad,

except the decimal point
is actually a very tiny zero.

So, when she types
one thousand point zero, zero,

she's actually entering
one thousand zero, zero, zero!

Is that even a number?

Yes. One million dollars!

-[crew cheering]
-In cold hard cash.

[Clarence] Eight hundred...

Nine hundred...

Oh, your God! Can you move any slower?

Sure can.

One...

thou...

sand...

Ugh!

Eleven hundred...

Twelve hundred...

Keep it comin'.

-[♪ mysterious music playing]
-[crickets chirping]

Y'all nice folks are paid up.

Speed through again anytime. Fiddle?

[Deputy Fiddle hooting]

-[fence rattling]
-[Deputy Fiddle screeching]

[Planet Express whooshing]

Here you go.
My million-dollar life savings

to invest in your catfish farm.

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[♪ suspenseful music continues]

Looks in order.

Now, y'all sit on back
while the profits come rollin' in.

[both laughing roguishly]

[crew laughing roguishly]

[crew cheering and whooping]

We did it! We scammed the scammer!

And also our dear friend Bender!

-For his own good.
-Sure.

Come on, let's go celebrate and get drunk

before I fly us home.

[crew cheering]

[♪ tense, suspenseful music playing]

What can I get you, officers?

I'll have me a Dr. Pepper,

and he'll have him a banana daiquiri.

[Deputy Fiddle hooting]

He says go light on the banana.

I am so sorry I thought
your friends were scammers.

-They're actually idiots.
-Told ya!

-[belching loudly]
-[flame whooshing]

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

Keep 'em coming!

[Leela slurping]

Ah.

Hey, they have an old-timey jukebox!

-[jukebox clicking]
-"Dancing Queen,"

-"Everybody Dance Now"...
-[clicking]

Ooh! "Hypno Dance" by Coco Charm.

It's on me.

[coin clattering]

I'm just glad you meatbags

finally realized Idabelle isn't a scammer.

I thought her name was Daniella.

Whatever.

-[♪ upbeat dance music playing]
-[people cheering]

[all laughing and cheering]

-Shake it!
-[all stomping and clapping]

-[record scratching]
-[♪ music stops]

What?

[slurping]

-Keep your feet where I can see 'em.
-[p*stol c*ck]

Y'all think you can
just mosey into my town

and shake your various things?

Here in Scamton, dancin' is a crime!

Oh, come on! That's just silly.

Ma'am, y'all are facin'
a dozen felony counts

of dirty dancin' with intent to footloose.

And there ain't nothin' silly 'bout that.

-[Deputy Fiddle laughing]
-Fiddle!

[♪ solemn music playing]

Shman, it's like a sauna in a porta-potty.

I hope y'all enjoyed your night in jail.

We didn't.

Is there a guest satisfaction card
I can fill out?

There ain't.

And you can expect more of the same

till you post bail.

How much is it?

It's a big ol' bag of money,

that's how much it is.

[Bender sighing]

Whoo-ee! That's a lotta cornbread.

Which is the exact right amount.

Y'all is free to go.

[hooting]

Aw, so cute!

Stop indulging him, Amy!

What the hickyheck?

[money whooshing]

Consarnit! This loot is counterfeit!

Stop 'em, Fiddle!

-[screeching]
-[banana squelching]

-[banana thuds]
-Ow!

That's a really unripe banana!

-[♪ dramatic music playing]
-[crew gasping]

Prepare for takeoff!
'Cause that's what I'm doin'!

[rockets whooshing]

[power fizzling]

-[alarm blaring]
-Dagnabbit, we have a flat thruster!

I'll deploy the wheels!

Wheels?

[car ignition starting]

-[engine revving]
-[tires screeching]

-[tires screeching]
-[siren wailing]

[♪ dramatic music playing]

[siren wailing]

[car horns honking]

[tires screeching]

[car horn honking]

Hang a right through them brambles!
I know a back road!

-[tires screeching]
-[leaves rustling]

[siren wailing]

[Sheriff Hooten and Deputy Fiddle yelling]

[tires screeching]

[trees rustling]

Look out! We're headin' for the lake!

But that's my catfish farm!

Enough! You don't need
to keep pretending it's real.

[trees rustling]

[♪ dramatic sting]

What do we do?! The bridge is out!

g*n it, mama!

-[stomping on gas pedal]
-[tires screeching]

[engine revving]

[money fluttering]

[♪ dramatic music playing]

[siren wailing]

[Sheriff Hooten] Ding-dang-darn it!

[windshield wipers squeaking]

[siren wail slowing]

[vehicles crashing]

[all groaning]

[money fluttering]

[Idabelle Sue] It's kinda purty.

Like lily pads in a Monet.

-[♪ soft, upbeat music playing]
-[water sloshing]

I reckon you folks have conned me
every which way but loose.

But my jurisdiction ended
at that there bridge,

so if you ever get that cash back,

you'll have to come
to the other side to bribe me.

[Deputy Fiddle hooting]

[♪ upbeat music playing]

There's one thing I don't get.

Where'd all that real money
in the sky come from? Heaven?

Don't you get it, Bender?

I clearly just said I don't.

We scammed you and Idabelle.

She thought she withdrew
a thousand dollars,

but it was actually a million!

[gleefully giggling]

The ol' decimal-zero keypad scam.

Bingo! And I hope you
learned your lesson, lady,

'cause all that money
came from your account.

Yeah, not quite.

I never spend money from my own account.

Oh. Then whose account was it?

-Bender's meemaw.
-What?!

-[♪ somber music playing]
-No! Mi dinero!

[Abuelatron sobbing]

You ripped off everyone
I ever cared about:

me, and slightly my grandma.

And now, you've scammed me

outta the one thing I thought
could never be scammed...

[crying] ...my heart.

[♪ soft music playing]

-Idabelle...
-[Amy gasps]

will you marry me?

Oh, Bender. I'm sorry, but...

I'm in love with someone else.

I'll k*ll him! Who is it?

Is he very big?!

-[monitor zapping]
-I was plannin' to scam him,

but I fell in love.

There was just somethin'
so real about him.

But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but...

Y'all come back now. Actually, don't.

[door slamming]

[sadly] But.

[♪ light, somber music playing]

I'm sorry, Grandma.

I lost all your money,

and then I waited six months
to come tell you about it.

[choking up] I'm a terrible grandson.

[sobbing]

Luckily, I'm a fabulous grandma.

[champagne sloshing and fizzling]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing with a sexy butlerbot?

You're supposed to be
penniless thanks to me!

I'm the majority shareholder
in that catfish farm, remember?

And its stock went through the roof!

Aw, Grandma, you're being scammed again.

-Gimme your phone.
-[Abuelatron gulping]

[buttons dialing]

How dare you scam my grandma
for the third or fourth time!

It's no scam. Business is boomin'!

Fish started breedin' like crazy

once they ate those
nutritious cash flakes.

So, my grandma really is rich?

Wait, is it too late
for me to get in on this?

I'm sorry, Bender,
I just don't need any more money.

What?!

You're passing up a perfectly
good chance to scam me?

I have lost all respect for you!

-[Idabelle Sue] Okay.
-[phone hangs up]

-[dial tone droning]
-[Bender sighing]

You know what?
Who cares if I lost the love of my life?

It just means I have more love
to give you, Abuelatron.

[softly] And you ain't gonna live forever.
[sneakily chuckles]

[Abuelatron chuckles sneakily]

Yes, I am.

[♪ upbeat theme music playing]