08x21 - Mr. Micelli Builds His Dream House

[bunniefuu]

-[THUNDER RUMBLING]
-Oh, let me finish. Hold on.

So, for 300,
you can talk to Mendel

Mendel will talk to you,
while I drink a glass of water.

[ALL LAUGH]

Dishes are all done.

-Now can I have a piece of cake?
-Uh,

did you clean the oven?

I'll be right back.

You know, he's,
a nice kid, nice kid.

I'm glad we married him, Sam.

I could never get him
to do chores at home.

-What's your secret?
-He makes better cake.

-How you get it so moist?
-TONY: Well--

[WATER DRIPPING]

Oh, well, I just, uh,
I just add water.

-I'll get a pail.
-Oh!

This happens every time
it rains.

Joe's a contractor.

Why don't you have him
take a look at it?

-Joe, take a look at it.
-Huh?

You do like that cake.

Ever heard of acid rain?

Joe, put down the dirty cake
and find the leak.

-Well?
-You got a leak.

Isn't he something?

Oh, yeah, he's-- he's wonderful.
Tell me, Mr. Wizard,

if the water's coming in here,
why's it leaking down there?

Well, the rain comes in along
the window L-metal,

Runs along the floor joist
to the lowest point,

where it collects and leaks
into the room below.

I want you so bad right now.

Come on, guys.

A-- anyway, uh, about the leak,
w-- what do we do?

Don't worry about it,
Angela. I'll...

I'm gonna do some caulking
along the L-metal, right,

I'll add weather stripping,
and that'll fix it.

-That'll make it worse.
-You didn't let me finish.

You got too much dry rot.
You need to replace the window.

Okay, we'll replace the window.

-Hmm.
-What?

Well, I, I was just thinking.
It's...

if we're gonna replace
that window

why not put in a bigger one?
You know, I mean,

your bedroom always has
been kinda dark and dank.

I can't know about that.
Besides, a bigger window

would be pretty expensive?
Right, Joe?

-Well, it would--
-Not necessarily.

Correct me if I'm wrong,
Joe, but,

doesn't it mean just
putting in a bigger header?

Well, Tony, if we put
in a bigger window,

-where are we gonna put my bed?
-Well, let's-- Let's see,

I got it, I got it, look,
we'll put the bed right here,

against the bathroom wall,
where it should've been

in the first place, right?

Then... then, when you walk
into the room,

you'll see the full expanse
of the bed, voila!

Instead of trippin' over it,
like you do now...

then, then,

we'll, we'll capture some
of that attic space here

for a little bit more
closet space here,

and then you'll have
matching doors.

Which, design wise,
gives you a very nice balance.

Or not.

No, no, I'm thinking about it.
But, a job that big,

it could take a lot of time.
Right, Joe?

-Well, it could--
-Not necessarily,

correct me if I'm wrong, so,
but... but, with a crew

you could probably do it
in a week, right?

Huh, it doesn't sound too bad,
but I don't know, Tony.

Oh, you're right,
you're right, I...

it's not, not my room,
I shouldn't be saying anything.

Well, actually, it will be
when we're married.

Hey, right, huh.
Damn the expense,

let's make this place livable.

-Okay put in your bigger window.
-Hey.

I always thought the room
was bright and cheery,

-what do I know.
-No, no, honey,

it's a lovely room,
it's a lovely room.

It's even going to be better
when we're finished.

Look at this, picture this,
Angela.

We're right here, right, huh?

We're in bed, cuddling up,
right?

We're lookin' out our new,
big window, huh?

Huh?

And then we're warming our feet
in front of a crackling fire.

-What fire?
-Oh, that's another thing,

that's another thing,
I was thinking...

You see, wouldn't it be nice
to have a fireplace, over there?

Well, that definitely
sounds expensive, right, Joe?

-Well, it--
-Not necessarily.

Correct me if I’m wrong.

But, since, since the,
the downstairs fireplace

goes right through this wall,
couldn't we just tap into it?

-Well, you could tap into it--
-Great! Let's do it,

let's do it. Angela,
picture this, a fireplace...

Vic Damone, Pictionary.

We'll never have to
leave this room.

When you put like that,
how can I say no?

You can't.

[CHORTLES] When can you start,
Joe?

Heh, as soon as our children
get divorced. Heh.

What?

He doesn't like to work
for friends or family.

Oh, well, you afraid
you're gonna have to

give somebody a break
on the price?

It's just a rule I have, but,

there's a terrific guy,
I'd be happy to recommend.

Okay, all right, okay, but,

let me say something here,
you know what I'm saying?

Worked in a little
construction myself,

so, I know a little bit
about remodeling.

I expect the very best,
I'm gonna be very demanding.

Dave is good, he's responsible,
he's tough.

We were in the Marines together,
he was shelled during the w*r.

So, I'm sure
he can deal with you.

[SCREAMS]

Get away from me! You're insane!

It's 16th of an inch off.
Your tape doesn't lie,

It's not gonna be
a perfect match!

Fine! You fix it! I quit!

But-- but-- Wait...

Shellshock.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for livin' ♪

♪ Take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and a road
That's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you
My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

So, you want to close this off?

No, I want you to put
a diving board up

so, I can jump into
the neighbor's pool.

Ay.

Sorry, my guy flaked out on you.
Whatever the reason,

which we'll find out

as soon as we get him out
of the fetal position.

I feel like it's
my responsibility

to finish this job.

-Joe, you don't have to do that.
-Yeah-- yeah--

Y-- yes, he does.

If it was a guy I recommended,

I'd be doing the same thing
and at a big discount.

All you gotta do is cover
my cost and overhead

I'm not out to make any money
off of you.

That's good. This way,
you won't be disappointed.

What he means is
we appreciate your help.

Not as much as I do. You see,
I'm the one that's gonna share

a bed with her
until this is finished.

She's cold. She's bony,
a-- and soon...

soon she's going
to be all yours.

Bony, huh?

Mother, somebody may smother you
in your sleep tonight.

But not with you in the room.

All right, please!
When can you start, Joe?

-Tomorrow morning.
-Great!

Ah, see, now you can relax.
The house is in good hands.

Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh.

I should be able to finish
this up in three days.

-That's wonderful.
-I just had a thought.

-Four days.
-Oh, no, no,

Please, b-- bear with me
for a second here.

Wouldn't it be great,
wouldn't it be great,

if this right here,
this right here

was a window seat?

A window seat. You see?

It would add,
it would add a lot

-of character to the room.
-Oh,

-I've always loved that look.
-Oh, it'll be so Laura Ashley

with lace and pillows.
It'll be great.

Hey, look, I don't know
who this Ashley broad is,

but you just added a week.

Another week with the corpse?

That's it.

-That's it. I'm jumping!
-Come on,

-let's go pick out lace.
-All right!

I said I'm jumping.

Hey, hey,
don't leave that there.

You damage that,
it comes out of your pocket.

I saw that.

Hi, hi. Muffin man.

[ALL CHEER]

There you go. All righty, then
enjoy yourselves.

Saved you a banana nut, Joe.

-Thanks, Tony.
-Heh.

Hate to interrupt, but,
you know,

you got to keep
those workers happy.

Oh, you got to keep
the workers working.

Oh, okay, okay,
I'm gettin' outta your hair.

And since you're here,
I do have a question.

You do, you do? What is it?
Oh, boy, oh, boy! What is it?

This, huh, window seat comes
with a recessed light.

Oh, really? That's cool.
[GIGGLES]

So, I need to know
where you want the switch?

Okay, okay, well,
let's figure it out.

let's figure it out, see, umm,

Umm, I come into the room.
And I want to read.

So, I walk over to
the window seat.

And I want to turn on
the light here.

-Fine.
-Right there, right there.

Although, although,
wait a minute, now.

If I was coming out
of the bathroom

or crossing down from the bed,
I'd want the switch here.

So you want the switch here?
Yeah, this'll be good.

That'll be good, right there.

Although, wait a minute,
wait a minute. Hold it, hold it.

Let's say,
let's say I'm reading.

All right, I'm here.
I'm reading, right,

and then I get up and I go over
to the bed, I get into the bed.

And then, I look back
over there, and, oh, no,

I forgot to turn off the light.

But, you know, I'm all,
I'm all cozy and warm,

and tucked in, right.
Wouldn't it be nice

if I could just reach up

and turn off the light
without getting up?

-I'll tell you what.
-Okay.

I'll give you a switch
by the bed,

-Good, good.
-I'll give you a switch

by the seat,

and I give you a switch
by the door.

In case you forget to shut off
the light on your way out,

which is where
you're headed now!

Okay I'm going, I'm going.

Oh, by the way, Joe,
I just noticed those wires,

-should they be hanging there--
-Yes! Get out!

Okay, I'm going.

Switch right here
by the door, huh?

Cool, heh.

All right, I want you to keep
the box flush--

Oh, w-- wait a minute,
wait a minute, so, huh,

So, th-- this is how big
the fireplace is gonna be?

Yeah.

So, what you're saying is
this is the actual size?

-What do you have in mind?
-Well, um...

I don't know. Do you, uh,
do you remember The Ponderosa?

-Huh?
-Oh, sure, you remember,

you know, Old Ben, Old Ben would
put his foot up on the fireplace

and give Hoss all that great
fatherly advice, you know?

They, they had
a tremendous hearth.

They also had a 140,000-acre
ranch! You don't!

This is standard sized fireplace
trust me, you're gonna like it.

Oh yeah, maybe, maybe,
I mean if, you know,

if it was where I could see it.

What?

Well, it's gonna be down there
on the floor, right?

You want it on the ceiling?

No, I don't want it
on the ceiling, but,

w-- what's the romance

of having a fireplace
in your bedroom

if you, if you can't see it
from the bed?

You know, you'd be like,
trying to see

over the bed there.

So you want me to raise
the opening?

Yeah, yeah, and, and,
do me a favor,

give me something
I can put my foot on, huh?

-Like Ben Cartwright.
-Exactly,

Exactly. No, I'm glad
I caught this. Good work, man.

[HUMS "BONANZA THEME SONG"]

All right, after you mud
and brick,

we're at 15
and three-quarter inches.

-[MEASURING DEVICE BEEPS]
-Ugh, actually,

it's, uh, 15 and 7/8.

What the hell is that?

Pretty neat, huh?

It's an electronic
measuring device, huh?

Technology.
Watch this, watch this.

The distance from me
to the wall.

-[MEASURING DEVICE BEEPS]
-Huh?

Ten feet,
Seven-and-three-quarter inches.

Distance from floor to ceiling.

-[MEASURING DEVICE BEEPS]
-Nine feet, nine inches.

[MEASURING DEVICE BEEPS]

Forty-one
and three-quarter inches.

What's that?

That's your waist.

No more banana nut
muffins for you there, Joe.

I'm glad you're
in such a good mood.

Here's your bill, Chuckles.

Wait a minute... wait a minute,



You ordered three of them,
it adds up.

Could've bought myself a clapper

and saved a hundred
and eighty bucks!

Oh, hold on, hold on,
this isn't right.

Wait a minute,
the price we agreed on

for the fireplace
was half this much.

It was till you had me move
it up, down, to the left

and just a smidge to the right.

You're telling me you charged me
for every smidge?

You call yourself family?

I'm charging you
what it cost me.

This is exactly why
I didn't want to do this job.

Sure, of course, it'd be a lot
easier to gouge a stranger.

Hey, hey, we would've been
finished by now,

and for half the price
if you'd left me alone.

Oh, if I would've left you alone
we would've been done, huh?

It would have been done
all wrong.

You think you could do
it better?

I know I could do it better,
and faster and cheaper.

Are you firing me?

-Are you changing your bill?
-No.

-[MEASURING DEVICE BEEPS]
-Six foot,

-three-and-three-quarter inches.
-What's that?

The distance from you
to the door. You're fired!

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

I've never seen Joe so happy.

-Things must be going great.
-Oh, yeah.

Going great. Great. Yeah.

Can I have my room back soon?

Yeah, soon as, uh,
soon as I build it, heh.

-[MEASURING DEVICE BEEPS]
-What's that?

Never mind.

Look, look, look,
the fireplace is in.

So, I, I need that brick
delivered pronto.

That's right, I fired Joe
and I'm doing the job myself.

I-- it's not funny.

Look, look, you're not dealing
with an amateur here.

So, first thing in the morning,

I expect you to deliver
two hundred used bricks

and four dozen of those long,
metal thingamajiggers.

You just got to speak
their language.

I can't believe you fired Joe.

Why couldn't you just leave
him alone?

Angela, I was looking out
for us, Angela.

If I... if I didn't watch
every move he made,

the job would've been done wrong
and then,

you'd have to look at it day in
and day out and say,

"Oh, why didn't I listen
to Tony?"

In a pig's eye.

Listen, have some faith in me.
Trust my judgment.

I have faith in you most
of the time,

but, Tony, you can't do
all this work yourself.

Way ahead of you, Angela.

Way ahead of you.

Just so happens I already hired
a crew.

How did you find a crew so fast?

-JONATHAN: Hey, watch it!
-HANK: You watch!

-I wanted to use the buzz saw!
-I saw it first!

I got a splinter.

Great. Now the house
is being remodeled

by Moe, Larry, and Greasy.

Let me call Joe. I'll cry.
He'll come back.

Angela, relax.
My crew is qualified.

For instance, take Hank here,
huh? He worked for Joe,

his father the contractor,
for years, right, Hank?

-Yep!
-Heh.

And why did you quit?

I was accident-prone.

-You mean you hurt yourself?
-No. Others.

Give me that. Give me that.

Give me that, you, give me that.
You do the sanding, all right?

-Tony...
-TONY: Angela, please.

Hey, Al, right here,
electrician's assistant.

Yeah, that's right.

And dear Mr. Capasso.
He was a great teacher.

Well, I'll never forget
his last words,

"Al...
[IMITATES ELECTROCUTION] no!"

Give me that. Give me that.

You're gonna help
with the sanding.

What's my job?

-You ever k*ll anybody?
-No, but I'm willing to learn.

That's the spirit, huh?

Look, we're going to do this job
on time, under budget,

and have some fun, too,
all right?

Come on, let's punch in.
Follow me, men.

Er, good luck.

You can do it.
I know it's going to be great!

W-- where are you going?

To move my car
so the ambulance can get in.

Good work, boys.
Nice clean edges.

Jonathan,
careful with that staple g*n.

-What-- oh, oh!
-[STAPLE g*n SHOOTS]

Never mind.

Hi.

Wow!

-This looks great!
-Hm-mm.

-Hey, guys!
-[HANK WHISTLES]

-Whoa, oh.
-Woo-woo!

-Hey, hey, hey.
-What?

-We're construction workers.
-Heh.

Yeah, well,
I'm the foreman's daughter,

-So, you better watch it.
-Back to work!

-This is very nice work.
-Surprised?

Er, frankly, yes. I'm shocked,
and I'm happy.

-You really got a lot done.
-Ah, I got a good crew, Angela.

And they got a great foreman.

Al, be careful with
your fingers, there.

Huh?-- Ah!

Never mind.

Can I have my husband back?

We got one section of drywall,
to put, then he's all yours.

Till then, begone.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Tony, I, I guess I was wrong.

I-- I'm sorry
I ever doubted you.

You, you really do know
what you're doing.

I'm not going to gloat, Angela,

because I take my satisfaction

from putting in
a hard day's work.

Building something
that's gonna last,

and having something
to hold over you

-for the rest of your life.
-I've--

Listen, you, you all deserve
a lot of credit.

Hey, you guys really have done
a great job--

Where's Jonathan? Jonathan?

[JONATHAN POUNDING THE WALL]

-God, you drywalled my son!
-All right, all right.

Relax. Relax.
You can't make an omelet

without breaking
a couple of eggs.

Release him, men.
Careful with that hammer, Hank.

-HANK: Huh? Ow!
-Hm.

Never mind.

I cannot believe it.

I'm in the middle of taking off
my make-up, in the bathroom

and all the lights go out.

Shattered the bulbs, huh?
[LAUGHS]

No.

Tony and his crew
short-circuited something.

They're up in the attic right
now trying to track it down.

I don't know how much more
of this I can take.

Oh, no, Mother, not again.

Every night, peppers, onions,
garlic. If I didn't know better,

I'd think you were trying
to drive me out!

How are you sitting?

Oh, honey.

I don't like this anymore
than you do.

But I'm not sleeping
on the couch.

So, you can just knock off
this childish behavior.

-Uh, I'm sorry.
-Well, thank you.

-Mother, I'm sorry, too.
-For what?

Soaking my feet in ice water.
Ah!

[SCREAMS]

Hey, Jonathan,
shake that flex cable again!

-JONATHAN: Okay!
-[METAL CLUNKING]

-AL: It's over here, Tone.
-TONY: All right, all right,

Stand back. Stand back,
watch out.

Watch out. Here.
Oh, here's the problem.

He-- whoa! Here's the problem.

All we got to do is rewire
this thing, right?

We'll be back on schedule.
Then we can knock off.

Great. It's been a long day.
I'm starved,

and this tool belt's giving me
a rash.

Yours, too, huh?

Why don't you just call Joe
and ask him

-to finish the job?
-Mm-mm, I can't do that.

This remodeling project
was Tony's idea.

To take it away from him now

would insult to his pride,
ability, and manhood.

-Afraid he'll pout and cry, huh?
-Like a baby.

-Come on, come on you s--
-Hey, hey, check this out.

This looks like the last thing
I handed to Mr. Capasso.

Al, no!

[CEILING THUDS]

I'd k*ll for a dart right now.

TONY: Help! I've fallen,
and I can't get up!

Tony!

I'm, uh, I'm sorry--
sorry about last night, Angela.

That's okay. I always wanted
a skylight in that room.

Sit down. We have to talk.

Oh! Ow!

It's not easy to make
a skylight.

Hmm, well, that's kind of what
I wanted to talk to you about.

Now, don't take this
the wrong way, but...

you're fired.

How many ways can I take that,
Angela?

You're not fired as
my housekeeper or best friend,

but if you touch another tool
in this house again,

-I'll have you arrested.
-Oh, but, Angela,

I think I can do the job.
I really do--

Tony, Tony, don't.

Don't pout.

The truth is,
I can't afford the money

you're saving me
on a contractor.

Fired. Fired by my own fiancée.

Come here, let me give you
a severance hug--

No. No way.

You can't fire me
and then grope me.

Anyway, who're you going to get
to finish this job?

I think
I can patch your ceiling.

Oh, Joe's back?
You're bringing Joe back?

Hi, Tony. Nice work.

Listen, I got to knock down
a building over on third street.

Can I borrow your butt?

[MOCKING] Hardee-har-har.

I will not have this man working
on our house.

He's professional.
It's what he does.

Don't I have a say
in this Angela?

You nailed my son in a wall.

All right, fine,

if you're going to nitpick,
let him finish the job.

But I'm gonna be hawking you,
Joe.

I'm going to be hawking you
like a, like a hawk.

No problem.

But this is what it's going to
cost to finish the job.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
There's two figures here.

Right, the bigger one's
what I charge if you stay here.

The smaller one is if you leave
the country.

That's quite a savings.

Don't forget to write.

Angela!

Oh, honey,
a trip would be wonderful.

You'll relax,
you'll get some sun--

I don't know if I can,
I don't know if I can relax.

When I don't know what
this guy's doing with our house.

Well, you can't relax even
when you know

what this guy's doing
to our house!

Tony, you drive yourself
and everybody around you crazy.

You've got to learn to trust
the people you hire.

-I'm not sure I can.
-Hey.

You trusted my son
with your daughter.

Trust me with your house.

Okay, fine.
You want me to leave?

Then I'm leaving.

It ain't going to be easy
for me.

Because, let me just tell you
something about me,

I don't like to leave
any job unfinished.

And this house here, Joe,
remember this,

this is my pride and joy.
It's like my baby.

It's very hard for me to just
turn my back and walk away.

[CEILING THUDS]

Evacuate the house!
Ask questions later!

It's all yours, Joe!

TONY: Who's the Boss
will be back in a moment.

Stick around.

I don't know, Tony.

All the time, money, effort
we're putting into this job,

sometimes I wonder,
is it worth it?

Come on, Angela,
sure it's worth it.

Hey, just, picture what
it's gonna be like

when it's all done, huh?

With, uh, the lights low...

Uh-huh.

...and some romantic music
playing.

[♪♪♪]

Hmm.

And we're warming our feet
in front of a crackling fire.

Uh-huh.

And then...

picture this.

[WHISPERS]

ANGELA: Oh!

It's worth it.

[♪♪♪]