08x03 - Misery

[bunniefuu]

[HUMS]

Sam. Samster.
Samarama-lama ding-dong.

Look I got the pictures back
from our family picnic.

-Great! Great! Great! Let's see.
-Oh, I took some great ones.

-Oh, look. There's Angela.
-Yeah.

-Oh, and Angela again.
-Oh, she looks good in this one.

-[CHUCKLES] You're right.
-Angela.

-Angela, Angela.
-Yeah! Yeah!

Dad, didn't you take any
of the rest of the family?

Of course I did. Look.

Hey, here's a picture
of Jonathan.

He has Angela's head on him.

I know. I used
the double exposure button.

Neat, huh?

-He looks better.
-[BOTH CHUCKLE]

I think it's so adorable how you
and Angela have been acting

since you told each other
how you feel.

[SIGHS] Like lovesick teenagers.

Oh, Samantha, please.
We-- we're not that bad.

-I'm home.
-Thank God!

Uh-uh-uh.
No, tongues. Mother's watching.

-Hard day at the office?
-Oh, yeah.

That old Middleton
was on my case again.

Oh, that lousy Middleton, oh!

Well, is there something Tony
can do for you? Rub your feet,

fetch your slippers,
break Middleton's ribs.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, foot rub would be heaven.

Well, welcome to the
pearly gates, you little piggy.

-Oh, oh!
-Give me them. [LAUGHS]

-[TONY GROANS]
-[ANGELA MOANS]

What? Wait a minute. What--

what is my head doing on
a boy's body?

Don't put yourself down,

dear, you're just a little
under inflated.

-Oh, that feels fabulous!
-[TONY MOANS]

Oh, please. The feet,
the cuddling, my mother.

Could we pull a draper
on this scene.

I can't watch.

Hold on! Isn't this exactly what
we always wanted to finally see

-these two showing their love?
-Mm, I have seen it.

I'm disgusted.

-Uh, let's hose them down.
-Mother!

It's too much.

There-- there can
never be too much love!

-I agree.
-Yes, yes. In fact,

what we have is beautiful
and innocent.

♪ And they called
It puppy love ♪

-♪ Just because we're 17 ♪
-♪ Just because we're 17 ♪

Okay, I spoke too soon.

Works every time.

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for living ♪

♪ Take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times
I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you
My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life
A brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

[♪♪♪]

-Tony.
-You remembered.

How-- how long have you
been standing there?

Oh, not long. Twenty minutes.

It's a good thing too
because, you know, you kicked

your blankie off
a couple of times.

Hey, happy anniversary.

-Happy anniversary?
-Sure. Don't you remember?

It was two weeks ago
that we declared our love

-for each other.
-Oh, Tony. I'm sorry. I forgot.

[CLICKS TONGUE] That's okay.

You still have six shopping days
till our next anniversary.

So go ahead. Eat your--
eat your breakfast, bunny lips.

Uh, Tony, I-- I don't have time.
I'm running late.

Oh, no time for...

love cakes?

Oh.

-Oh, Tony, little brown hearts.
-[TONY CHUCKLES]

I-- I got the idea
from an article on Mona's Cosmo,

"20 ways to say I love you
with batter."

Oh, but Tony, you know,
you really are spoiling me,

all the flowers, and the gifts,
and the little notes,

and these big, fattening meals.

What, you kidding me?
I-- I love doing this for you.

You know, for seven years
I've always, you know,

I've always thought
about doing these sweet things

-for you,
-You did?

Sure. But I-- I was afraid to
because I--

I don't wanna overstep
my bounds.

Here-- here you go.

-It's nice?
-Huh?

But now finally-- finally,
I can show you how much I care.

-Understand?
-Yes, I understand.

And I care too, but I've really
got to go to work.

Oh, look, look.

A broken heart.

But first, I'm going to finish

-my love cakes.
-Good, good.

I'll get some light in here
for you.

[TONY GIGGLES]

Um, well... all done.

Wow! Already?

Gee, my little bunny lips eats
like a lumberjack.

Any-- anything else
I can do for you today?

Let out my pants?

Come on, people. Come on.

Swimwear is fun, it's sexy,
It's-- it's Rio in July.

Now, come on, think.

-I got it.
-Mother?

-You have a slogan?
-No.

I'm trying to pick up
a pencil with my toes. I got it!

I can do more things
with my feet

than most people can
with their hands.

-Can we focus here, please?
-[INTERCOM BUZZING]

That'll be Jack.
Let's hope he has something.

Talk to me, Jack.

TONY: ♪ And they called
It puppy love ♪

Hi. Hi, T-- Tony.

I'm sorry to interrupt.
But you know,

you didn't call me all day,

and I-- I sort of missed hearing
your voice.

Oh, that's-- that's very sweet.
Can I call you right back?

Oh, no, no. Don't even bother,
don't bother,

-I'm gonna see you tonight.
-Okay, all right.

-I'll see you later.
-Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.

See you later, what?

Alligator?

[CHUCKLES] Angela, you're funny.

No, no, come on. You-- you know
what you called me

at that Greek restaurant
last Friday.

Uh... Tony, um,

I was just being a little silly
and I don't think that now.

Oh, so you didn't mean it.

-See-- see you later, Zeus.
-[ALL LAUGH]

Oh, Angela, you little flirt,
you. [CHUCKLES]

I feel just-- I feel just
like Doris Day in Pillow Talk.

Well, toodle-oo.

-Okay, okay. Now, now...
-[ALL LAUGH]

Now, where were we?

-♪ And they called ♪
-[ANGELA] Oh!

♪ It puppy love ♪

That's it. That's it. Take five

until we can all come back
and behave like adults.

-Pfft! Oh!
-[CHUCKLES]

Hey, wait till you see
the expression on your face.

-It's priceless.
-Oh, Tony?

[CHUCKLES] Oh, yeah, yeah.
I-- I called

from the outer office.
Great gag, huh?

-ALL: Yeah.
-MAN: A laugh riot. [LAUGHS]

Hey, so
I was in the neighborhood,

I thought I'd take you to lunch.
You guys breaking now?

Well, we sang, we laughed.
I'd say we put in

a full morning.
Take an hour break.

Mother, please give
Jack a call.

Right.

And dial with your finger.

Well, it was good enough
to make the coffee this morning.

So? So, so, so,
where would you like

-to go to lunch?
-Oh, Tony actually

I was thinking
of skipping lunch.

-Oh-- oh.
-I've been eating

all these large meals lately.

Oh no, come on.
Come on, come on.

Look, I know this great little
Italian place,

they serve these big plates,

-big plates of fettuccine.
-[CHUCKLES] Okay!

[CLOTH RIPS]

Or, um,
we'll grab a salad. [CHUCKLES]

Tony?

He's not here.

What is with her?

Just double-checking
on your father,

the hitman of love. [CHUCKLES]

Well, I hope he gets home soon,

I wanna ask him
if I should change my major.

[ANSWERING MACHINE CLICKS]

TONY: Hi, Angela. It's me, Zeus.

[LAUGHS] Oh, gosh.

Oh, bad news, bad news.
I got a ton of homework.

So I'm gonna be stuck
in a library all night.

I'll have to take a rain check
on our date,

but here is a prerecorded kiss.
[TONY KISSING OVER PHONE]

Hey, what are you looking at,
pal?

Never seen nobody kiss a pay
phone before?Take a walk!

Sorry about our date,
sweetheart.

-Thank God.
-I knew it.

I knew Tony was getting
on your nerves.

No, he's not.

We've just been going out
a lot lately,

and I thought it would be nice
to have one night at home.

That's all.

You're ready to k*ll him,
aren't you?

No, not at all.

No, Angela look,
I can understand

Dad making you a little nuts.

I mean, going overboard
is his style.

Invite him into your life,

and-- and he'll push,
and he'll prod,

and he'll completely take over--

Wait a minute.
I wanna ask him for advice?

What, am I nuts?

I was never here, okay?
Never here. Never here.

I'm out. Good luck!

[CHUCKLES] If you want
more space, just tell him.

[SIGHS] I just don't want him
to take it the wrong way.

Besides, maybe
the problem's not him.

-Maybe it's me.
-You?

Yeah. Tony's a very warm,

passionate,
demonstrative person.

-and I'm, well, kind of...
-A cold fish?

-I wouldn't say that.
-Me, neither. I cleaned it up.

[SCOFFS] I was going
to say restrained.

Deep down I happen to be
a very hot-blooded,

-passionate person.
-Of course you are, dear.

You're a volcano ready
to explode.

-Exactly.
-I'll go warn the villagers.

[SIGHS]

I just have to get comfortable,

being around someone
as expressive as Tony.

MONA: Hmm.

But I can do it.
He's a great guy,

and you can't get too much
of a great guy.

TONY: Angela, I'm home.
I finished early.

Hide me! Hide me! Hide me!

-[GRUNTS] Oh, my ankle!
-Oh! Oh, Angela.

You didn't have to rush down
the stairs to greet me.

-She was propelled by love.
-TONY: Oh!

-[GROANS]
-Oh, you're not going anywhere

on that ankle. Come here.

-[BOTH GRUNT]
-[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

I don't care how long it takes
that ankle to heal,

even if it's weeks,
I'm not leaving you

for a second.

[GROANS]

Hurts, huh?

-[GROANS]
-[GRUNTS] Oh, I'm sorry, Angela.

-[WIND HOWLING]
-[TONY HUMMING]

-Hi. You're up?
-Oh.

-How-- how's that ankle?
-Oh, feels a little better.

Uh-huh. Oh great, great.
Could I--

can I get you something,
like some soup or some tea?

Uh, no. Just my briefcase.
I have to get some work done.

All right. I happen to have
it right here.

-Oh. Thanks.
-There you are. [CHUCKLES]

[TONY HUMS]

-Tony!
-Oh, this is--

this is bothering you.

-Oh, of course. Of course,
I'm sorry.
-Yes.

Look, I'll find something to do,
I'll keep myself busy.

You won't-- you won't even know
I'm here.

I’ll just darn away. [CHUCKLES]
Darn, darn, darn.

[SIGHS]

-God, you're beautiful.
-Tony!

I'm sorry, Angela.
It-- it just slipped out.

It slipped out. I'm gone.
I'm going. No more Tony.

I'm out of here. See ya.
Bye-bye. [CHUCKLES]

-Tony!
-Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm going. I'm gone.
I'm gone. Goodbye. Bye-bye.

-SAMANTHA: Hi.
-Hi.

Just wanted to come by to see
how you are doing.

Awe! Okay. Your father's
keeping an eye on me.

And I wanna thank you
for that, Angela.

For what?

For taking Dad's attention
away from me.

He used to obsess over me,

and now he does it to you,
and...

I'm free.

I-- I just came back
for my laundry basket, you--

Oh, Angela, let--
let me tuck this in for you.

Watch this. Hey, Dad
I just landed a job

at the Wild Goose as a stripper.

That's nice, sweetheart.
That's nice.

Angela, do-- do you
need another blanket?

I'll get it for you.

Free at last. Free at last!

Great God Almighty,
I'm free at last!

-There you go.
-Uh, Tony.

-Here you go, here you go.
-Okay, you know, I, uh,

I appreciate all this
pampering and everything,

but don't you have something
to do, like homework?

-Oh, I am doing my homework.
-Oh.

Didn't I tell you?

I changed my major...

to Angela.

-You're joking.
-No.

And the best part,
there's no math requirement.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, Angela, by the way,

your office called
while you were asleep.

Oh, thank you, Tony.

Wh--

-Tony?
-Yes?

-Wh-- where's my phone?
-Oh, I took it out of here.

You shouldn't be disturbed.

If anybody's gonna
be disturbed, it'll be me.

Uh-huh.

Well, we just came
to say goodbye.

Oh, where-- where are you going?

To the lake. Tony thought
we should go out of the house

while you're recovering.

So it's just gonna be the two
of you, all alone, all weekend.

-We'll see ya.
-No, no, no. Wait a minute.

Don't go breaking too many
hearts out there, Mr. Man.

Oh, yeah. Fifteen-year-old boy
traveling with his grandmother,

I should score big.

Wait a second. Don't-- don't go.

-Why not?
-Because...

[CHUCKLES]

Tony...

-I stink at charades.
-No!

Tony's...

I get it.

-Tony's crazy.
-ANGELA: No, shh.

You're trying
to tell me Tony is crazy.

I could've told you that. Bye.

So I'm crazy, huh?

No. [CHUCKLES, MUMBLES]

You heard Mother.
She stinks at charades.

I was doing The King and I.

Is it crazy to love someone?

[♪♪♪]

No...

I'm your number one fan.

Uh. Tony. Uh... [CHUCKLES]

I-- I should have said something
before,

but I didn't wanna
hurt your feelings.

You're-- you're pushing
a little too hard.

I need some time alone.

I see.

-Tony...
-[♪♪♪]

-Tony, wait!
-[DOOR LOCKING]

Oh! Tony! Tony! [GROANS]

Tony! Ton-- Tony!

Don't worry. I'm here.

-And I let out your pants.
-[SCREAMS]

Tony! You let out my pants? Oh!
[GROANS]

[PANTS]

[GRUNTS] I knew that.

[GROANS] That's okay.

[CHUCKLES]

[SCREAMS]

-Here's Tony. Say cheese.
-[SCREAMS]

[GASPS] Oh!

Oh. [CHUCKLES] Oh.

-Hey.
-[BOTH SCREAM]

What, you should be used
to this haircut by now.

-What are you doing?
-I'm cleaning.

-I'm the housekeeper, remember?
-[SIGHS]

What-- what you doing
out of bed?

You sh-- you should be off
that ankle.

Now, get back in bed.
I'll bring your dinner

-in a minute.
-Oh, okay.

Oh, look. My favorite.

Obsession.

[SIGHS] Another herbal tea.

You had four of those already,
honey.

And she wants another, I mean,
it's herbal tea.

What's the worst can happen?

She gets mellow, starts singing
Joni Mitchell songs?

Get off my back, fathead,

or I'll rip your heart out
and wear it like a hat.

-Man trouble, honey?
-Mm.

Doesn't come home at nights?

Plays the ponies?

Oh, dumped you
for a younger woman.

No.

He loves me too much.
I had to get away.

Oh! One of those
fatal attraction things, huh?

That could be rough.

Angela. I've been worried sick.

-Is that the guy?
-Yes.

And I was feeling sorry for you.

I've been-- I've been looking
all over for you.

Thank God I spotted your car.
What are you doing here?

Well-- well, to tell you
the truth, I was feeling...

Feeling?

Like I had to get
some fresh air.

Oh, you should be home.
Come on, I'll open a window.

Hey. Hey, hey, hold it.

If you two are gonna make it,

you gotta be honest
and communicate.

That's what's kept me
and Hoyt happily married

for 22 years.

-Twenty-three.
-In a pig's eye!

Drop dead.

Right. We'll communicate.
Let's get out of here

before they start
exchanging g*nf*re.

Wait. Listen...

a relationship
that can't survive honesty,

is one that shouldn't be.

You can lead a horse
to water...

but you can't make him drink.

Well, this has been fun,
shall we?

-Tony, wait.
-What?

They're-- they're right.

We have to be honest
if we want this to work.

Honest? Honest about what,
Angela?

About everything.

I came here to get away
from you.

I hurt my ankle trying to get
away from you.

I was...
I was feeling smothered.

-I-- I don't understand.
-A woman is like a flower.

Too much love
like too much water,

-she'll wither.
-Oh, he talks big,

but his watering can's been dry
for years.

Least my petals ain't drooping.

That's it. You're sleeping
with the dog tonight, mister.

It'll be a step up.

You couldn't go to Burger King?

I-- I've been making you
feel uncomfortable, Angela?

Well...

yeah.

And I-- I didn't wanna
damage our relationship,

and-- and I didn't wanna
hurt your feelings or...

look into that incredibly sad
face you're making right now.

It's good that you told me.
Honesty is good.

-Honest?
-Oh, yeah! Yeah, I mean...

you know,
just because we're in love

doesn't mean things
should change back

when we were just friends,

we could say anything
to each other.

Exactly.

Which is why I should tell you

that the reason
I've been pushing so hard is...

because I've been feeling kind
of insecure about us.

Why would you
be feeling insecure?

Well, it's-- it's just
that I've been giving

and giving, and you
haven't been reciprocating,

and so then I-- I try harder
and harder--

Oh, Tony.

You don't have to try.

-You know I love you.
-[SIGHS]

What do you mean,
I wasn't reciprocating?

Oh, you-- you gotta admit,
I'm-- I'm the one

who's been doing
all the giving around here.

Oh, I give in my own way.

Just not as easy for me
to express my emotion

-as-- as it is for you.
-I-- I know, I know.

-I know. Cold fish.
-Cold--

Did-- did mother tell you that?

Oh, yeah, but you know,
I had to clean it up.

Cold fish, huh?
Does this feel like a cold fish?

Well, it's-- it's kind
of lukewarm.

Lukewarm?

I'm not lukewarm,
and I'm not a cold fish.

-In the pig's eye.
-[CHUCKLES] Drop dead.

-Oh, yeah?
-Oh, yeah.

-Beautiful, ain't it?
-Yeah.

TONY: Who's the Boss
will be back in a moment.

Stick around.

Angela! Angela,
breakfast is ready!

[LAUGHS] I made her a feast.
A feast. A veritable feast.

Dad, don't you think
you're going a little overboard,

-all these big meals for Angela?
-Are you kidding?

She can't get enough.

Feed me.

[GASPS]

[GROANS]

Hey. Hey, sleepyhead,
what's for dinner?

Nothing. Nothing. Let's jog.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]