05x05 - Boo's in the House

[bunniefuu]

- Pack your bags, baby. We moving out.

- [Laughs] what?

- Yeah. Look, gina,

We can get all our furniture in tommy’s truck,

And we can haul the rest of the stuff on pam’s back.

- Baby, baby, slow down, slow down.

What are you talking about?

- Gina, baby, I found our dream house.

Look, I took the sign so nobody else would buy it.

You like that?

- We can’t afford a house yet, martin.

We’re still saving up for the down payment.

- What--gina, no. I got the down payment.

That’s why I stopped by the bank, baby.

- Have you lost your mind, martin?

- What? Gina, hey, I ain’t lost my mind, all right?

The man selling it lost his.

Gina, he’s only selling it to us, baby...

For gs, gina!

- What?

- We got a sale.

- $,?

- $,, Gina.

- What’s wrong with it?

- Ain’t nothing wrong with it, gina.

Look, the man told me the house

Was on <span tts:fontstyle="italic">better cribs</span> <span tts:fontstyle="italic"> and gardens.</Span>

Yeah, he said it was the flyest house on the--

- Really?

- Yeah, it was, like, one of the biggest issues

That they had had out.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Baby, what-- what’s the kitchen like?

- Uh...

- Baby, your kitchen’s cool.

I mean, you need a little touch up or something--

- Martin! - What?

- I’m having a bad hair day.

Look, baby, i’m talking about the kitchen at the house,

Not my kitchen.

- Oh, the kitchen at the--

Girl, the kitchen at the house is fly!

Funky, i’m telling you.

You going to be cooking in there like a mother, gina.

I can’t wait to eat in that kitchen and everything.

- Have you even seen this kitchen?

- Hmm?

- Have you even seen the house?

- Well, I ain’t actually seen inside.

But damn it, gina, i’ve seen all I need to see, baby.

I saw the price tag, gina.

- Baby, I would like to at least see the inside of the house

Before we buy it.

- See, I knew you was gonna be like that, gina.

That’s why...i told the man i’d bring you right over.

Baby, get your coat.

- Honey... - Get your coat!

- We can’t do that right now.

Tommy and them are on their way over here in an hour

To go to nipsey’s halloween party.

We can’t.

- Tsk. All right, then fine.

Fine. We’ll go in the morning, all right?

- Okay. Yay!

- I’m gonna call mama, though.

- No, no, no! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Mama?

- Yeah.

- No, martin.

You know that woman don’t like me!

- No. - You know that!

- No, gina. Mama was looking out for you.

- She was? - Yes!

She wanted to make sure your head could fit in all the rooms.

- Whazzup!

Whazzup!

- ♪ Martin

♪ I’m the man ♪

- ♪ Oh ooh ooh

- ♪ Martin

- ♪ I’m the man ♪

- ♪ Oh, yeah

- Where is my earring?

Baby, you gotta hurry up!

We’re gonna be late for nipsey’s halloween party.

[Imitating tina turner] you know...

Every now and then, I think you might like

To hear something from us a little...nice...

And easy.

But you see...

We never, ever do anything...

Nice...

And easy.

- [Imitating ike turner] all right.

Anna mae...

- Ohh.

- Sing that song for ike.

Go ahead, baby. Go ahead. Sing that song.

- ♪ Big wheel keep on turnin’ ♪

♪ Proud mary keep on burnin’ ♪

♪ And we’re rollin' ♪

♪ Rollin’ ♪

♪ Rollin’ on a river ♪

♪ Said we’re rollin' ♪

♪ Rollin’ ♪ - nah.

- ♪ Rollin’ on a river ♪ - nah.

Anna mae! Anna mae!

Sing the song like I told you to sing the song.

Sing the damn song

Like I told you to sing the damn song, anna mae.

Sing the song.

- Martin!

- Ike must’ve gotten to me for a second, baby.

I’m sorry.

- Happy halloween, dog!

Got shaquille o’neal in the house, y’all.

- Ooh, gina, your costume is phat, girl.

- [Imitating tina turner] it’s not gina, pam.

- What is it?

- It’s tina.

- Aah! - Uhh.

- You are crazy.

And who are you supposed to be, little tyke turner?

- Ah ha. Ah ha ha.

And yourself?

- I’m a cowgirl.

- Oh, you’re a cowgirl. Oh.

Well, at least you got the cow part right.

How-dee!

- Hey, whazzup, y’all?

♪ Ease on

♪ Aah

Ha ha!

- Cole, please, just... Tell me how long...

Have you had this costume.

- Since I was .

Yeah, see, moms make me wear it every halloween.

She said she wanna get her money’s worth.

- Come on, y’all. Let’s ease on down to nipsey's!

- Hey, wait a minute. Whoa.

Before we go, gina and i...

Have a big announcement to make.

- [Gasps] no, don’t tell me! Don’t tell me!

Congratulations, little tykie!

You bought a new playpen!

- Naw, aretha stanklin.

Gina and I bought a new house.

- No.

- You bought a new house, gina?

- No, we did not buy a house.

I have not seen the house yet, and neither has martin.

- Now, i’ve heard of buying sight unseen.

But a house? Damn.

- Yeah, yeah, I got to be real with you, bro.

I mean, even I would look at a house before I bought it.

- Naw, naw, naw, bagel nose.

Okay? Old marty-mar got the deal of the century.

And tomorrow...

Oh, yeah...

[Guitar strings twang]

Me and gina gonna be homeowners.

- Wait a minute, martin.

I knowyou can fit

Into barbie’s dream house,

But what about gina?

I mean, the little car, the minivan.

How’s she gonna fit? That’s just selfish.

- That’s all right.

’Cause the only house you can own...

- What?

- Gonna say "rex" on it.

[Howls]

♪ Rex don’t live here anymore ♪

- Okay, that’s enough.

- ♪ I said rex don’t live here ♪

[Phone rings]

- Answer the phone, martin.

- Just get the phone, boy.

- Yeah, hello?

Yeah, all right.

I’ll be right over, right over there.

Yup. Later.

- Baby, who was that?

- Baby, that was the homeowner.

I gotta take him the down payment.

- Honey, don’t you think we're rushing into this a little bit?

Gina, baby, it’s real estate.

You snooze, you lose, darlin’!

- Well, can you just at least promise me this:

We will not buy anything unless we both agree.

- I am not worried.

You’re gonna love it.

- All right. - Mwah!

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I wanna see the house too.

- Come on, martin.

- I wanna see the house.

- All right! All right!

Y’all can come, all right?

- See? - But, hey...

You just make sure you bring some newspaper.

- For what?

- Because you’re not housebroken yet!

- Martin, come on.

- Well, now that you’ve seen the whole house,

What do you think?

- I love it, mr. Jenkins. It’s beautiful.

I love it.

- What love got to do with it?

Get it? Ike and tina?

Oh, boy.

- Now, gina, what did I tell you?

Didn’t I tell you this house was the b*mb, baby?

Mr. Jenkins, where do I sign?

- Hey, martin.

Brother, this house is all that, man!

- Fabulous, girl! The kitchen is huge!

And the fridge is packed!

- Hey, why don’t y'all go check out the jacuzzi?

I’m trying to handle some business here.

- You got a jacuzzi? Where’s the jacuzzi?

This is nice.

- Okay, mr. Jenkins, let’s talk some numbers.

- Uh, before we do, mr. Jenkins,

I want to know why you’re letting this place go

For such a low price.

- Gina.

No.

No.

Shh.

- I got tired of chasing them ghosts

Out of the bedroom every night.

- What? - What?

- Just kiddin’. I couldn’t resist.

It’s halloween.

- Heh heh heh. That’s real funny.

- The truth is, my dog dickey died,

And I just couldn’t live in this house

With all the memories.

- Oh, mr. Jenkins, i’m so sorry.

- Yeah, i’m...i'm sorry to hear that too.

Where do I sign?

- Oh. The contract, yes.

Right here. Next to my signature.

- Okay.

Uh...

Gina?

- Baby, go for it, please.

- Go for it? - Yes.

- You go, girl.

Okay.

Right there.

- "Payne."

- Right there.

Okay, and, uh, here’s the $, down payment...

For the house.

- Go on, martin. Give it to him.

Martin, go ahead.

- Okay, all right!

- Let it go.

- Okay.

I’m gonna miss you!

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

- Here’s the keys to the house.

I hope you’ll be as happy in it

As dickey and I were.

- Thank you, mr. Jenkins.

- Thank--thank you, mr. Jenkins.

Who’s the man? - You are, you are.

- I said, "who’s the man, baby?"

- We actually got this house, babe!

- You bought it? - Yes!

- You think I didn’t when I did.

- You got yourself one hell of a house, dog.

- Yo, i’m gonna be spending all my free time here, kid.

- I had to go for it.

- Oh, martin, baby, I love it.

Baby, I would love

To spend the rest of my life in this house!

Deep voice: get out!

Too bad we can’t stay, baby.

Where did that voice come from, y’all?

- I don’t know; it sounded like it came

From someplace in this house.

- Hey, this place is scaring me, y’all.

- Would y’all cut it out?

Okay? It’s probably the neighbors

Yelling at their kids.

- I don’t like the way that man in that picture

Is staring at me.

He’s giving me the creeps.

- You ever stop to think what you doing to him, pam?

- Martin.

- Did she ever stop--

- Stop playing with pam! Okay.

Martin, she’s right.

There is something weird about that picture.

Look at it.

[Low growling]

[Low growling]

- Excuse me! - Hey!

- Excuse me! - What?

- The bear is following me.

- Cole, come on, man.

This is not a bear! It’s a bearskin rug!

- Tommy, don’t tell it to me. Tell it to him.

He followed me like i’m a bowl of honey.

- Okay, look, cole.

See, see? Look, man! You believe me now?

Now you believe the bear’s dead?

- No, I don’t. Uhh! He could be hibernating.

- Cole.

- Hey, pam, are you bears hibernating yet?

- You know what? Why don’t you leave me alone?

- Y’all go on ahead and joke.

I ain’t going nowhere near the bear.

- Cole. [Sighs]

- Hey, y’all, look, check it out.

Come on in the den and check out my inches.

- Martin! - What?

- I’m talking about my big-screen tv.

- Oh. - Oh.

- Otherwise, i’d have said .

- You know what? Don’t flatter yourself.

- Hey, c-cole, come on.

Hey, cole!

Hey, hey, guys, guys, come here! Hurry up! Quick!

- What? Don’t scare me.

- Isn’t that cole's hat

Sitting on that-- that thang over there?

- Cole would never leave his hat.

He might leave his head,

But he would never leave his hat.

- Aw, damn!

Cole disappeared, y’all!

I knew that ghost wasn’t playing!

I’m scared!

- Cole ain’t disappeared nowhere.

- He did. - Now, cut it out.

Okay, he’s probably somewhere here in the house.

- Maybe we should go look for him.

- Okay, i’ll tell you what.

This is a really big house, okay?

If we split up, we’ll find him faster.

- Good idea, headdie munster!

Okay, uh, gina, you come with me.

- Yeah, don’t leave me.

- Pam, you take upstairs.

Hey, ’cause I know you hyenas like to hunt alone.

- Martin, leave her alone.

- [Howls] - let’s go!

[High-pitched howling]

- Baby, what was that?

- It was probably just pam

Letting us know she all right.

That’s all, gina.

Come on.

- Well, it didn’t... Seem nearly as spooky

When mr. Jenkins was showing this house to us.

- Pfft. Please, gina.

This place ain’t spooky.

Yo, cole! - Cole!

- Hey, man, you better stop playing! Cole!

- You better stop playing, boy!

- Let’s see if he’s in here.

- Yeah.

- Ohh!

- [Screaming]

- Gina!

Aah!

Gina, wake up!

[Kisses]

Gina, wake up!

Aw, damn!

[Door creaks]

- Cole? - Cole?

- Cole!

- Cole?

- Okay, come on. Here we go. Shh.

- Don’t leave me!

Don’t leave me! Aah! Aah!

- Will you be quiet?

Let me turn on the light.

- Okay. The light! Hurry up!

Tommy, I don’t care if that man gave martin this house,

I don’t like it!

- Pam, pam, don’t worry!

Big daddy gonna take care of you, all right?

Now, look, all we got to do is find cole

And get the hell out of he--

- What?

- [Whispering] that’s cole.

- That’s cole?

- Shh.

- That’s cole?

- [Whispers] that’s cole!

You know what, pam?

I don’t think we ever gonna find cole.

Uh-uh, you know, I think he--he lost for sure.

- Yup.

We might as well give up and go home.

- That’s what we gonna do.

Gotcha! Aah!

- Aah! Aah! Aah, tommy!

Tommy!

All right, all right.

- Pam, let me go!

- That’s it! That's it!

I’m getting my black a*s out of amityville!

- Wait, wait, wait. Hold it.

- Yo, tommy, help me, man. I’m in here!

- That was cole?

- Did you hear that? That sounded like cole!

- He’ll follow us.

- Wait, wait, wait. Pam, wait.

What are you doing?

- Boy, is you crazy?

Don’t be opening no doors!

- Why not?

- You’s a fool!

Every time somebody open doors in movies,

Something bad happens to them.

- That is the silliest thing--

- Tommy, i’m telling you!

- Pam, let me go.

- Tommy--

- Cole?

Cole!

- He’s not there.

- See?

Boo.

No, no, no! Aah!

- [Crying]

Stop looking at me!

Tommy?

Tom-tommy?

[Whining] please, don’t jump out the door.

Aah ha!

[Thunder]

I’m out!

- Gina, baby. Baby, it was just bats, gina.

- Just bats?

Martin, I don’t like this house!

I don’t like this house!

- All right, look, gina,

I’ll make mr. Jenkins fix everything, okay, baby?

[Electric current, thunder]

- See? See? See? See?

Now, nope, nope, nope!

We are leaving! I am not staying in this house!

We gonna get tommy and pam

And get the hell out of here!

We’ll come back for cole tomorrow!

- I ain’t giving up my new house to some bats, gina.

All right? Now, come on. Let’s just go find cole.

Come on.

- Damn, martin, dang.

- Cole?

I don’t wanna be in this house.

Martin: hey, gina.

[Muffled scream]

- Did we go left or right

When we came up the steps, baby?

Gina!

Gina?

All right, cole, stop playing.

All right, get your hand off me, cole!

All right, stop playing, man!

Ohh!

Aah!

Aah! Aah aah!

Aah! Aah!

Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!

What--martin!

- Aah!

Aah! - Uhh!

Uhh!

Martin, the house took tommy!

He just went in the closet, and the boy disappeared!

- They got gina too!

- Oh, my god! What are we gonna do?

Wait a minute! This is all your fault!

The reason why this house is so cheap,

’Cause it's haunted!

- That’s 'cause you’re here, sca-rhonda!

- Oh, shut up! What are we gonna do?

- [Deep voice] ha ha ha ha!

- Aah!

[Both screaming]

- Ooh!

- Pam, pam!

- Get off me! Get off me! Get off me!

This ain’t-- this ain’t your house!

This house belong to them ghosts!

- Hey, pam, the ghosts can have the house,

But we’re not leaving here

Without gina, tommy, and cole, all right?

- Why not?

- Look, look... - I’m so scared.

- Come on, pam. - Don’t touch me!

- Look, just help me search the living room.

Come on.

- Okay. - All right. P--

Hey, pam, you gonna have to back up off me.

- I can’t help it, martin.

Every time I turn around, somebody disappears!

- That’s 'cause of your breath, pam.

- You gotta be lucky i’m too scared

To crack back on you.

Oh, i’m scared!

- All right. Gina, baby!

- I’m so scared!

- Gina, baby, we coming, baby!

We gonna find you, baby!

- What’s that?

[Electric current, thunder]

We gonna die!

- Wait a minute. There’s a candle over there.

- Go get the candle.

- I’m going.

Ah.

[Electric current]

Pam?

Pam?

Oh, no!

Oh, not the mummy man!

Aah!

Aah! Not the mummy man!

Aah!

Ay--aah!

Ay! Aah!

Ay ay! Ay!

Uhh!

Uhh uhh uhh ay aah!

Aah! Aah!

[Screaming]

- Where are we?

- Oh, my god.

[Knocking]

- Who is it?

- Shut up, cole!

- What is wrong with you?

Come on out, martin! Is that you?

- Aah! Aah!

- Baby!

Baby, you okay?

- Where the hell y’all been?!

- Martin, the mummy man

Put us in the closet!

- Oh, snap, martin.

Your scared behind took out the mummy.

- Yeah, well, you know how I do.

I ain’t afraid of no damn mummy.

- Hey, martin. This ain’t no mummy man!

It’s mr. Jenkins!

- Mr. Jenkins?

- Here’s your money, mr. Payne.

Jenkins has been pulling this scam for over a year.

Takes people’s down payments,

And then he scares them off.

- You mean he ain’t the real mummy?

- No, no, he’s not, but you still the real dummy.

- This is the first time we could catch jenkins red-handed.

You’re a brave man, mr. Payne.

- Oh, please. Please, officer.

He ain’t brave. He’s cheap.

- Let’s go, jenkins.

- Take him out of here! - Get him out!

- We don’t need this.

- Scaring me like that.

- Baby.

I am so proud of you,

Standing up to that sicko crook.

- Thank you, baby. Thank you.

But you know i’d have stood up to freddy krueger,

Jason, and the candyman for you.

- Would you? - Yes.

- Even though I made a fool of myself,

I’m happy those ghosts and things weren’t real.

- Get out of here. Y’all were scared?

- Yeah. - Hell, yeah.

- Ha. That’s funny. That’s funny to me.

’Cause it's obvious...

From the beginning, the whole thing was a fake.

It was obvious.

[Organ playing]

- [Deep voice] get to steppin’.

- See y’all later.

- [Deep voice] hoo hoo ha ha ha!

- It’s not gina, pam. - What is it?

- It’s leena.

Duh. Tina.

Tina--

- Aah!

Aah ha! Aah!

Aah!

This way?

- It’s like dat?