04x21 - Homeo & Juliet

[bunniefuu]

Let's try this scene again.

Ahem, o.k.

"Be true, your heart,

"For sending me about to catch my death,

Jouncing up and down."

"Oh, sweet nurse,

Tell me what my love says of our marriage."

It says, um--

Your--your husband's short.

And so is your real hair, pam.

Oh, shut up.

Where do the pieces go?

Hi, baby.

Whazzup?

We're going over this play we're doing.

Why y'all ain't speaking in english?

We were speaking in english, baby.

It'sromeo and juliet.

Shakespeare. You know,

[English accent] shakespeare.

Shakespeare, huh? Let me see that.

"Hark, who goes there?"

Gina, brothers don't be talking like that.

Brothers be like, "who that?"

What you doing this play for?

Oh, baby, we're doing this benefit

For the children's hospital.

Ohh, a benefit?

Yeah, baby, and guess--

Guess who's playing juliet.

Wait a minute, don't--

Don't--don't--don't tell me.

My baby, gina--

You got the lead role?

Yes, I did.

I'm proud of you, girl.

Thank you.

And who are you playing, pam?

Romeo's horse?

I'd like to play mike tyson

And knock your teeth out.

You might want to use your right claw.

O.k., Hey, hey, hey.

O.k., Pam.

She's rehearsing, martin.

Pam is--martin, now,

Pam is playing my nurse, baby.

Now stop.

And, baby, guess who's playing romeo.

Who?

James earl jackson.

No, gina. You mean james earl jones.

No, james earl jackson.

He's famous--

Famous in the black theater circuit.

I ain't never heard of him.

What he done done?

Pam, what has he done?

What did he do?

He did, um, lord, mama's tired.

And he did, uh, mama, the lord's tired, too.

That was a good play.

I saw that.

Yeah, well, enough about mama.

Right now, big papa's hungry.

Martin, it's on the stove.

All right.

Dino.

I say, dino.

Do you want me to get you a doggie bag?

Captwhwhng made possible by warner bros.

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, yeawhazzup!♪

♪ I'm the man ♪

Tin ♪♪

"Romeo!

Romeo, wherefore art thou, romeo?"

Gina, gina, gina,

Can y'all please go find romeo,

So martin can watch tv?

Come on, baby, please, give me that.

You're only watching school daze.

You've seen it times.

Shh. Girl, this is the part

Where this sister licks big brother almighty's head

Right down the part. She--she fine.

[Knock on door]

This is straight stank.

Hey.

What's up, y'all?

Y'all ready to rehearse?

Tommy, not you, too.

No. I'm just helping out.

See, I played romeo

Back when I was in high school, you know?

Cole, I know you ain't down with noromeo and juliet.

No. Not no more.

I just seen them robbing a liquor store.

That was ramon and jamica, fool.

See,romeo and juliet are about two lovers

Whose families hated one another.

I don't know why they didn't go onfamily feud.

At least they'd have got paid.

Know what I mean?

You wild. You a wild boy.

Survey says...

Ding.

Shut the hell up, cole.

Ding. Ha ha ha.

Shh. Boy, please.

I just want to know

What part am I going to play?

Oh, cole, we got a good role for you.

Cole, your job is going to be the b*mb!

Tell it, girl.

Give it to me, baby.

Now, check it out.

You get to open and close the curtains.

Oww!

Two things, huh?

Two things.

Cool. Bet.

My fee is $. A day plus gas money.

What? Wait a minute, baby.

Ain't nobody getting paid.

Not even james earl jackson.

Like he need to get paid.

Everybody know the jacksons got money, even randy.

Baby, baby, baby, baby.

You sure you don't want to be in the play?

No, no. Not me, gina.

That play too corny for me.

All right.

Gina, he can't be in it.

I mean, this is romeo and juliet,

Notpee-wee's big adventure.

[Laughs like pee-wee herman]

Well, you can't be in it either, pam.

Because we're not doing dalmatians.

A-huh huh huh huh.

Nurse...why lookest thou sad?

Stop!

Stop!

Why do I put up with amateurs?

I can't do this!

But, mr. Jackson, it's for the kids.

Ah, yes, of course, the children.

People, the performance is tomorrow.

I beg you, pick up your energy.

Now, let's take it from "oh, good nurse."

Hey, big tom, cole.

Marty mart's in the hizzaah.

Whazzup?

Baby, we're still rehearsing.

Still rehearsing?

Y'all should have been finished.

I'm ready to get my grub on.

Who is this man?

Gina, go on and talk to him.

Tell him, baby.

Tell him who's the real romeo in your world.

O.k., Baby.

Mr. Jackson, this is my husband martin.

He just came to watch.

He should watch with his eyes

And not with his mouth.

Yeah, whatever, earl. Whatever.

It's james earl. In case you didn't know,

I'm an award-winning thespian.

Excuse me, baby...

Baby, slide to the side.

Slide to the side.

Now, look here, earl...

Now, I know this is the nineties,

And the thespian thing is in,

But my wife ain't down with the freaky-deaky.

Just chill, we almost finished, all right?

All right, but, gina, hurry up. Brother hungry.

O.k.!

Now, let's pick it up

Where romeo's outside of juliet's window,

Trying to convince her to elope.

And, remember, gina, this is supposed to be a tragedy.

What do you mean a tragedy?

Man, this ain't no tragedy, man.

Cooley high was a tragedy.

Man, word is b*mb. Word is b*mb.

You remember, cochise had a scholarship to go to college.

And then they k*lled him, man.

They k*lled cochise.

♪ It's so hard to say goodbye ♪

♪ To yesterday, dum ♪

♪ Da da da da dum ♪

♪ I don't know where the road-- ♪♪

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Damn!

Damn? You ain't got to get no attitude.

Gina, either he goes or I go.

Mr. Jackson, I'm really, really sorry.

I'm sure there will be no more interruptions, martin.

All right...

Places, please.

Now, gina, this is the part

Where romeo, played by me,

Will come and give you a kiss.

You little thespian--

All right, man. It's o.k.

All right. I'll be over here,

But I ain't watching. I ain't watching.

Finally.

Have not saints lips and holy palmers, too?

Aye, and lips that they must use in prayer.

Then, dear saint,

Let lips do what hands do.

Yo, man.

If you--aah!

Aah!

Oops.

Now look what you've done.

Hey, look, play or no play,

Don't nobody kiss my woman.

[Birds tweet]

Cole.

Yeah?

You see james earl?

No.

But I see a sister in the third row.

Baby's healthy.

After the show. After the show!

Man,

Would you stop that?

She was looking good, boy.

Where is james earl?

He was supposed to be here already.

He should be here any minute.

He had to take some pain pills.

Does everybody know what they're supposed to do?

Yep, I got it.

When the play starts, close the curtain.

When the play ends, open the curtain.

No, man.

It's the other way around.

Y'all are not paying me enough to remember this,

So write it down!

Juliet, juliet, baby.

I brought you some flowers.

Have a good show, baby.

How am I supposed to have a good show, martin?

We don't have a romeo, man.

I thought you said he was going to be all right.

♪ It's so difficult to say farewell ♪

♪ To yesterday ♪♪

Oh, mr. Jackson, thank god you're here.

How are you feeling?

I feel marvelous since I took all these pain pills.

Wait a minute.

This bottle is empty.

You were supposed to take one tablet every six hours.

Oops. My bad.

I thought it was six every one hour.

No wonder I feel so light on my feet.

I feel as though I can fly.

Damn.

Brother high as a kite, ain't he?

Oh, my god. He can't perform like this.

Tommy, you have to be romeo.

Huh?

You mean you-- I can't.

You played romeo in high school, didn't you?

No, man, I said I was like a romeo.

I had all the honeys.

O.k., I got stage fright.

He got stage fright.

Ahem, I'll do it.

Hell, no! Hell, no!

Right.

What are we going to do?

The house is packed. We don't have a romeo.

Look, gina, I'll get you your romeo.

I just got to make a few calls.

Just stall them. Stall the audience.

Stall them how?

I don't know, tommy.

Go out there and do some magic.

Pull pam out the hat, all right?

Then your consent gives strength to make it fly.

Oh, romeo, romeo,

Wherefore art thou, romeo?

Wherefore art thou, romeo?

Juliet,

Juliet.

Homeo's in the hizzaah.

Hey, hey, girl, is your pops home?

'Cause word is, he be buggin'.

Martin, what are you doing here?

No, girl, it's homeo.

Juliet, just flow with it.

Hey, what the hell is going on out here?

Watch out, juliet.

There's a grizzly bear behind you.

Nah, homeo, that's just my nurse.

Well, she look more like your patient.

For that, I'm telling juliet's pops

That you out here trying to get your mack on.

Pops, pops!

Homeo, see what you did?

Girl, she started with me.

What's up? Are you coming out with me,

Or are you going to stay here

And hang with witchie poo?

Oh, I'm not going anywhere

Unless you marry me.

Marry you?

Hell, yeah.

Girl, are you trying to put a brother on lockdown already?

I just came by here

To see if you want to go to the jodeci concert.

Well, the concert sounds dope, but, uh,

I'm still looking for that ring.

You know what I'm saying?

A ring?

Uh-huh.

Look here, juliet.

I ain't got that kind of loot, baby, all right?

Plus, your father don't like me anyway.

That's why I brought c-loc and t-loc.

Yo, what's up, homeo, what's up, man?

Her pops still trippin', man?

It's all good.

I'm going to see y'all at that concert, right?

All right, then.

Yo, man, hit us on the cellular

If her brothers try and jump you.

Word is b*mb.

One love.

Straight up.

Bye.

Bye. You know what I mean?

You know what I mean?

So, what's up, juliet?

You rolling with a brother or not?

What's up?

I still don't see no ring on these fingers.

Now--now look here,

I can't just roll out with just any old body.

Juliet,

I'm not just any old body, baby.

I got a record deal.

I'm about to blow up!

What, you got a deal?

You about to be large, then?

If you don't know, now you know.

Hit it.

♪ Julie, julie, give me one more chance ♪

♪ Julie, julie, give me one more chance ♪

♪ Julie, julie, give me one more chance ♪

♪ Julie, julie, give me one more chance ♪

Thank you.

Right on.

Right on.

Whoo! Congratulations, martin.

I'm kelly garrett. I promote plays,

And that was quite an interesting spin

You put onromeo and juliet.

Well, I do a little something something.

I do that occasionally, you know?

I've never seen romeo and juliet

Done quite that way before.

I try to keep it real.

Yeah, yeah, we try to keep it real.

Yeah, that's real nice.

Well, anyway, martin, I especially--

I especially loved that hip-hop flavor

That you added to shakespeare.

You done that all yourself?

Well, you know--

How you going to take all the credit?

We've been rehearsing for weeks.

Yeah, martin.

When you're as good as I am,

You don't need to rehearse.

Come on, now.

You wasn't the only one on stage.

C-loc, t-loc.

All right, all right, y'all right, y'all right.

You know, we like a family act.

Check it out. We like the jacksons.

You know what I mean?

I was michael jackson, the star.

Gina, baby, you was janet,

If you're nasty.

Tommy, cole, you was jermaine and jack.

All right.

And pam, you was toto.

You mean tito.

No, no. I mean toto,

The family pit bull.

Anyway, man,

I'll cut right to the chase.

Your show was slammin',

And I'd like to take it on the road.

Y'all heard that?

We going on the road, y'all.

You serious, man?

Am I serious?

Man, this could be huge.

It could be large. It could be as big as, uh...

Mama done burnt up the chicken.

Oh, snap! Oh, snap!

Yo, that was large.

Me and mom saw that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um, look, uh, mr. Garrett, kelly, whatever,

Thanks for the offer, man,

But we ain't got time to be on the road.

Wait, wait, think about it, martin.

Mama done burnt up the chicken made $ million.

What time the plane leave?

Excuse me, but I'm just interested in martin.

Oh, that's o.k.

No. That's o.k.

I didn't want to go anyway.

Now, mr. Garrett, you done hurt my baby's heart.

No. You done hurt the heart.

Let me tell you something, man.

If you don't want my people, then you don't want me.

Oh, whoa.

You know... Think about it, martin.

Give me a call.

Whoa, whoa. Hold on, bud.

Ain't nothing to think about.

Old marty-mart ain't selling out.

You see, before I sell out,

I gets the hell out.

Wait, mr. Garrett. I'll sell out.

We can take the play to japan.

Mama-san done burned up the sushi.

Sellout thespian.

Yeah.

That brother's a real sellout.

Hey, thanks for having our backs, dog.

Word up. $ Million, that's a lot of money.

Y'all would have done the same thing for me.

Puh! Not me.

I would have ran with that cash, been like, peace.

Martin,

You made a lot of money for those kids today,

And they loved you.

Well, you know old marty-mart loves the kids.

And gina-gin loves her marty-mart.

Can I get what I need?

Oh, god!

I think I'm going to be sick.

[Retching]

♪ Julie, julie, give me one more chance ♪

♪ Julie, julie, give me one more chance ♪

♪ Julie, julie, give me one more chance ♪

♪ Julie, julie give me one more chance ♪♪